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Getting to Genoa You All Over Again: Y&R Daily Chat


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Scenes from a Yawn, October 5:

Jack: Schmoopy.

Diane: Schmoopy.

Jack: I know! Let’s renew our vows after being married less than a year! Bury all our guests up to their necks in treacle. I hate myself.

Diane: Yeah, that sounds like filler material to me. Whatevs. Could you make our son co-CEO and shitcan Chad the Inhaler?

Jack: That’s not my style. Maybe Jabot could be led by a trinity: the CEO, the Pomp and the Holy Nostrils.

Diane: I’m going to start a sex offensive and put it on you until you crumble.

Jack: Bites lip.

@@@@@@@@@@

Jill: Duplicitous cabbage!

Mamie: Bitter bovine!

Jill: You invested large sums of money and came back to town just to piss me off.

Mamie: I’m all about the fam. Smirk.

Jill: John liked me the mostest.

Mamie: You baked up a fine buttbiscuit. But I’d say he preferred my cupcakes.

Jill: Your cupcakes are dry and tasteless.

Mamie: My cupcakes are moist and delicious.

Lily: Let’s keep this friendly, as my father, Neil Winters, would want.

Nate: Did anyone notice a PART of me is missing?

Mamie: I noticed you replaced that nice doctor lady with a bag of bones.

Lily: Devon and I have excommunicated Nate from the Church of Neil.

Devon: I don’t even really know Mamie?

Abby: I feel so awkward.

@@@@@@@@@

Jill: Cut the crap, you two. What’s Mamie’s game?

Devon: I don’t know her.

Lily: l’m just weirded out that even Aunt Mamie is getting a corporate storyline. Maybe some time with Daniel’s penis will help me think.

Devon: Yeah, I suppose Abby and I need to get to shagging at your house, Jill.

Jill: I’m so happy Chance invited you to live there. It’s a wonderful reminder of my grandson’s pain.

@@@@@@@@

Mamie (on phone) I just came from seeing everyone. What a night! Mwah ha ha! They have no idea. That sounds like the lead in to something juicy, but we all know it’s not.

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Nostrils is channeling his inner old west sheriff in ordering the gunslinger out of town by sundown. 

I have to admit that Taz🌪️ looks 1,000% better in black and white than she does in color 😜.  It makes her blue teeth look whiter.  Nobody loves me everybody hates me, I’m going to eat some worms cried Taz🌪️. What a pathetic joke. 

Of all the ugly clothes Sharon has worn, nothing is worse than the paper sack she wore today.  Diane’s dress was ok but not my style. Diane was stuck in a hard place with choosing Fenimores and Marchetti. Diana would have done much better if she went to Walmart. 

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4 hours ago, MollyB said:

Is this the same actress that played her before?

Marguerite Ray played Mamie first. Then this actress, Veronica Redd. 

 

21 hours ago, Waldo13 said:

Are we sure that Jill and Taz🌪️ are not sisters? 

Jill was a pain in the butt like Phyllis back in the day. 

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Mopey Tucker does not work for me. I want fun Tucker back, dagnabbit.

So Jack had to ask Lauren to provide Diane's outfit for the event. Seriously? Diane could've gotten a dress anywhere but she chose the one place guaranteed to cause potential drama if Phyllis found out.

What was that fuzzy stuff growing on the sides of Kyle's face? I recommend he ask Mrs. Martinez if he can borrow some of the tile and grout spray she uses on the mansion's bathrooms. Apply generously, Kyle. 😼

FFS, Billy, why even mention Diane & Jack's party to Tucker? One might think you wanted Tucker to show up so you could play the hero and make a big deal of tossing him out.

Not sure why Danny would be using the jazz lounge piano to work on his own composition. Can anyone just sit down and start playing it? Whatever, I did like his performance, especially the lack of singing.

Phyllis is freaking nutz. How can she expect people to forget all her awful acts if she's the one who keeps bringing them up? Poor Danny, having to serve as her unpaid therapist.

Ehhh, Diane's gown. Iffy color and style, IMO. It had kind of a 1940s feel to it but the rest of her look didn't really bring a retro vibe.

Wait, what? Why was Sharon invited to the vow renewal? AND WHY DID SHE BRING CHANCE AS HER PLUS ONE? This heifer better not be trying to rub Summer's nose in it. Grrr.

Re the previews: Tucker as Mamie's mystery co-conspirator. 🤯😮😱 ????

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5 hours ago, Joimiaroxeu said:

Diane could've gotten a dress anywhere but she chose the one place guaranteed to cause potential drama if Phyllis found out.

Diane Jenkins is a woman with a plan, and every move she makes is in furtherance of that plan - Billy's got her number, that's why he gave her that look when she and Jack were embracing before heading out for the reception, he wouldn't trust her any further than he could throw her.

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5 hours ago, Joimiaroxeu said:

This heifer better not be trying to rub Summer's nose in it.

Did you notice how Sharon kind of leaned into Chance when they arrived at the vow-renewal/reception, like she was making sure that everyone recognized that Chance was her $#!&.

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8 hours ago, Waldo13 said:

Of all the ugly clothes Sharon has worn, nothing is worse than the paper sack she wore today.  Diane’s dress was ok but not my style.

I guess I'm of the opposite opinion, because I thought the color and style of Sharon's dress did become her, but the choice of gown for Diane struck me as being one, bug, cream-colored blah, or was it that absolutely nothing was done to her limp shoulder length hair that ruined the effect.

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1. It amazes me that just one day after liking Traci's new hairstyle, I now think it does nothing for her.

2. Why was Devon asking Tucker what his connection to Aunt Mamie was in the next week's previews segment?

3. Why do I think that I'm going to be bored to tears when Heather Stevens returns to GC to reclaim Daniel - is it the actress playing Heather that underwhelms me, or just the whole idea of the storyline?

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21 minutes ago, Js Nana said:

1. It amazes me that just one day after liking Traci's new hairstyle, I now think it does nothing for her.

2. Why was Devon asking Tucker what his connection to Aunt Mamie was in the next week's previews segment?

3. Why do I think that I'm going to be bored to tears when Heather Stevens returns to GC to reclaim Daniel - is it the actress playing Heather that underwhelms me, or just the whole idea of the storyline?

 

 1. lol,  you’re just fickle! I maintain it still looks good on her. I’m not sure when she became so psychic about summer and Kyle though

 2. because for some reason everybody in this town thinks Tucker is behind any difficulty in their lives. At this rate Jack would probably blame him if it rains on his party. I find it hard to believe Mamie would be yukking it up on the phone with Tucker. Would be fun if it was Dru!

3. I think most of us will get some good rest during any scene involving Daniel. The actor is doing a fine job, but the character is zzzzzzzz.

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This show is just so boring I find myself either not finishing it or not even bothering to put it on. And I have been watching since the 80s!

I feel like it is the same old shit - they are bringing back old characters (Mamie, Danny*) but cramming them in these awful “business” storylines. I am sooo tired of hearing about who is trying to buy into a company or wrestling for control. At least back in the day they were about product development - Brash & Sassy, the face cream, Restless Style, that awful development in Wisconsin (the name escapes me but I think it caused an earthquake lol) but even if it was bad it was different. Now one corporate intrigue storyline runs into the next and I cannot tell the difference.

Does anyone really care about Diane and Jack? Let alone for the 8th celebration or whatever for their engagement/wedding/reception.

*My husband walked by when Michael Damian was on and he said “My god. Does that guy not represent the aging soap star?”  At 60ish? Maybe he ought to show a LITTLE bit of grey to go with a what we will call not exactly a youthful face! Makes him look haggard. 

 

 

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Dear Buttbiscuit;

Why is it so hard to wring sympathy out of people? Nobody’s perfect, right? I’ve made some slight mistakes in my time, but everyone else living in Genoa City has too. My children, who treat me like shit, aren’t better than me. One’s a recovered porn addict and the other is easily the most annoying person I know. My so-called best friend sold a dress to the woman who forced me to frame her for murder. WTF? One of my exes seemed to be showing me compassion, but it was all a ruse so he could tell me to stop scavenging for pity. This guy should be honored that I even messed up his life in the first place, considering he’s a one hit wonder and I could probably score, like, Nickelback. He told me happiness comes from within. What a crock of shit! Happiness is owed to unique individuals like me and should be generously doled out regardless of behavior. He wanked on and on about how I should I take some ratchet ass job with my dick of a son, when that is clearly beneath my talents. I fuck to video games, not develop them. My question is this: is it wrong to crash someone’s wedding reception and pelt the newlyweds with jumbo shrimp?

Signed;

Woe is Me

Dear Woe;

There are a number of factors to consider. As someone who has been pelted with seafood before, let me assure you that jumbo shrimp pack a mean wallop. For a unique, unforgettable splash, may I recommend live lobsters being launched into the party via slingshot? I can definitely relate to your other issues. Most people have a finite supply of fucks to give and it takes an excruciatingly long time to replenish. There are worse jobs than game development; I once suffered the indignity of renting my nasal cavities out to children’s parties as a bounce house. One pollen fueled sneeze later and I was tied up in court for months . Speaking of kids, every parent has an annoying, misdirected sperm that should have been left in a hand towel. I like to keep my nostrilets guessing as to just who that wayward dick dollop is. The ex you mentioned sounds like he’s trying out to be a motivational speaker. Genoa City has enough of that bullshit, thank you very much. My girlfriend is so high on her own supply that she farts sunshine and earth mother wisdom, sometimes letting me light them to use as incense. If you’d like a muffin served by a walking Live, Laugh, Love sign, Genoa City has got you covered. There’s even a local lounge where you can commune with the portrait of boathouse philosopher Neil Winters. Good luck!

Dear Buttbiscuit;

I’ve recently filed for a restraining order against the most obnoxious tool I’ve ever had the displeasure of knowing. Since there’s one whole cop in Genoa City, it could take months, so I’d like to warn the good residents of this town to BOLO for this miscreant. He looks like Gumby, but if Gumby was made of string cheese, turned upside down and daintily dipped into an inkwell. Beady eyes and a shit eating grin frame a dual exhaust system. This jerk threatens me every time we cross paths, which is suspiciously often. He delivers what he considers to be zingers with such bravado that I want to twist his chicken legs up like a pretzel. Having a weak burn game is worse than having a small dick, not that I have to worry about either. This nerd keeps swaggering around, telling me this town ain’t big enough for the both of us and I should be the one to leave. He’s holding some pretty damning information over my head, but if he keeps pushing that leverage too far, I’ll still give him a wasabi nasal lavage. See, I told him if he betrayed his family, I’d put him in the big boy chair. I guess it was my fault for offering a dumb bunny such a crisp, flavorful carrot, but you’d think this waste of space would be used to disappoint by now. He keeps braying about “his father’s legacy” like the rest of the dopes in his family. TL;DR, I’m not going anywhere. Suck it, buddy.

Signed;

Tucker “I Banged Your Sister” McCall

Dear Tucker;

Oh yeah? Well, I’m rubber, you’re glue. Whatever bounces off me sticks to you. I’ll send some aloe to your suite. Sick middle name, bro. I’m going to make my nephew address me by that sobriquet from now on.

Dear Buttbiscuit;

Did your paper get those letters of support I had Connor write for you? He got bored after eleven, but that should be enough to fend off your competition. The erotic dick pics you sent me were just brimming with such a robust vitality that I had to sit on Mom’s washing machine to calm down. It’s weird but I’ve been really inspired to design while away from you. Did you ask Sharon if she’d wear the little number I whipped up? I can’t wait to hear about all the kudos she got. Yay me!

Love;

Chelz

Dear Chelz;

This is the Genoa City Blowhole’s editor in chief. Since “Buttbiscuit” won’t pay for the copies he made of his testicles or reimburse us for the vending machine he turned out, we’ll be publishing his private emails until he cuts us a check. Toodles!

 

Edited by NinjaPenguins
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i'm sorta thinking  Bluetooth will show up at the reception and make  big "apology", thus trying to show she's sorry, taking all the attention to her "new and approved' self, thus taking all the shine from J&D.

{holy run on sentence Batman!}

I hated Traci's new 'do the first time i saw it.

Edited by One Tough Cookie
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Signed;

Tucker “I Banged Your Sister” McCall

Dear Tucker;

Oh yeah? Well, I’m rubber, you’re glue. Whatever bounces off me sticks to you. I’ll send some aloe to your suite. Sick middle name, bro. I’m going to make my nephew address me by that sobriquet from now on.

The advice letters were hilarious as usual but I am struggling to figure this part out. Billy only has two living nephews, Kyle and Chance. Neither of those guys has a sister. Does this refer to Summer? Because if so, Kyle's gonna have bigger problems than his uncle having screwed her. Eww eww eww.🤮

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17 hours ago, Joimiaroxeu said:

Wait, what? Why was Sharon invited to the vow renewal?

maybe it's canon law in GC that you have to invite at least one ex wife to your renewal vows/wedding reception.  I do agree JG just did that so everyone can see Dummer's reaction and get the rumor mill humming.

 

12 hours ago, Js Nana said:

. It amazes me that just one day after liking Traci's new hairstyle, I now think it does nothing for her.

I love that she cut it short-the first time she did it, it was a nice change.  This second style, not so much.  I think it would help if she had some product on the top part-it looks dry.  Does Jabot do hair products?

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29 minutes ago, Joimiaroxeu said:

The advice letters were hilarious as usual but I am struggling to figure this part out. Billy only has two living nephews, Kyle and Chance. Neither of those guys has a sister. Does this refer to Summer? Because if so, Kyle's gonna have bigger problems than his uncle having screwed her. Eww eww eww.🤮

It does refer to Summer. She and Kyle may not be related by DNA, but they thought they were siblings long enough to make it icky.

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4 hours ago, lilmarysunshine said:

I am sooo tired of hearing about who is trying to buy into a company or wrestling for control.

If the producers want the show to focus on the Newman and Abbott families corporate goings-on, maybe they should bring in some of the writers who worked on "Succession" to make it interesting.

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Who the hell has a vow renewal after a year?

Just when you thought Phyllis couldn’t get more disgusting she actually thinks Danny should be flattered that of all the men in the world he’s the one she picked to ruin his life!

Seriously is that psychotic or mentally challenged? Ugh     

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On 10/6/2023 at 1:14 PM, MollyB said:

Is this the same actress that played her before? 

This is the second Mamie. Even though your question was answered above, I just wanted to say that I always liked the first Mamie best and never understood why the character was recast. The first actress played her with kindness, this one not so much. And she was in the role for a long time. When I think of Mamie, I always picture the first actress.

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1 hour ago, SweePea59 said:

I always liked the first Mamie best and never understood why the character was recast.

Marguerite Ray was the first "Mamie Johnson" - I can't find anything on-line that explains why she left Y&R after 9 years, but could it have been that she wanted to leave daytime TV for prime-time shows?

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If she hates Diane so much, why is Nikki at the wedding? Also why bring her work assistant? Unless Claire is her life assistant.  And the color coordinated dresses? So weird.

But Tucker in a suit? Hubba Hubba! 😄

Edited by pvandal
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I wasn't watching the show when Diane was first on back in the day, so I could be unknowingly expressing an unpopular opinion, but here goes...

I like Jack and Diane together. They make a dashing, elegant, mature couple. From the comments I've seen from those who know this history better, I guess we're waiting for a shoe to drop where Diane's concerned, but gosh, I hope not.

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Why would Nikki even be invited to the vow renewal? She’s always in extra uppity asshole mode around Diane. Then to tell Diane she better not hurt Jack or she’ll make her life hell? How many times has Nikki hurt Jack to take another mustache ride?

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Why in Fuckville was Nikki giving her new assistant the lowdown on everyone there? Why was she even there?

Didn't especially like the color.of Diane's gown. Too summery especially with the background of autumn rust colored flowers.

Something about Mamie is rubbing me the wrong way.

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Was Nate his Aunt Mamie's plus one to the event? Because otherwise I don't know why he'd have been asked to attend.

I know Nikki is a longtime friend (and another ex) of Jack's but boy did she look disgusted to see Diane so happy. She was almost blowing raspberries when Diane and Jack were speaking their vows.

Have to say, Kyle was quite dapper in his suit. He outclassed Jack, I thought.

Yeah, Kyle, the Abbott family home does hold a lot of great memories. Like that time your mommy set the pool house on fire and tried to pin the crime on your MIL. Or that time your daddy went on a booze and pills blackout bender woke up next to a dead hooker. Yeehaw!

Chance was killing it in his suit too. But then again, I think he would've been fine with no suit on--or anything else. Fine. 🥴

Hee, Sharon ran right over to break up Summer and Chance's friendly little chat. What was with the fugly gray sack she had on? Meanwhile, I bet Chance couldn't help but notice the rear view of Summer's revealing dress.

Nikki wore her "I ain't playing" chignon today. That usually means someone's about to get told and yep, Diane did. Diane wasn't much fazed though.

Tucker wanted Audra to bum-rush the Abbott house. Sure, maybe if Adam was her date. Speaking of whom, why wasn't Adam there? He's Jack's friend and longtime confidant.

Meh, IMO Devon should've told Mamie to stay out of grown folks business. She can't force him to kiss and make up with Nate. He knows Nate still can't be trusted.

Tucker, noooooo! You played right into Billy's hands by showing up uninvited. Oh wait, Tucker was providing a distraction for Audra to slip in? Okay.

Audra looked fabulous. I think bright jewel tones work well with her tawny skin and dark hair. Today's gown was way better than the one she wore to the GC bicentennial gala.

Claire made an interesting face when Audra finally told Nikki to butt out of her dating life. Hmm.

Edited by Joimiaroxeu
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This is the second Mamie. <snipped> The first actress played her with kindness, this one not so much. And she was in the role for a long time. When I think of Mamie, I always picture the first actress.

I barely remember the first Mamie but now I understand the main reason why I don't like the character: it's the actress. I'm guessing she started her acting career in theater versus TV or film because her style is very BIG. She uses  exaggerated facial expressions and body movements as if she's performing for an auditorium instead of a camera. Today I noticed her doing it even when she was in the background of a scene. In some places her fellow actors might regard her behavior as upstaging but I guess the Y&R vets don't mind.

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Where is Harrison?  I thought the reason for Summer❄️x6 being there is for Harrison.  Now Harrison is sick instead of being in the park. How convenient. 

Why is Nikki there?  She hates Diane and it’s written all over her face. Why is Nikki’s new assistant, Claire, with her?  Will Nikki need Claire’s assistance to pass judgment on the reception attendees, give her Origen when her nose gets too high in the air, or maybe to wipe her ass after she shits on Jack and Diane. 

Has Tucker now become Audra’s pimp in pushing her to once again play hide the wiener with Kyle. What about Audra’s job?  

Smugly Smug Smug brought Groucho🥸🥸🥸 to Mamie’s get together but he doesn’t bring her to the wedding reception?  

Tucker can’t get past security but Audra is able to slip by?  It seems that Tucker could have been a distraction but that would only happen if there was only one security guard. 

Nikki seems to be a toothless Lioness. She threatens Diane and Diane is amused and Audra doesn’t seem to give 💩💩about Nikki firing her. 

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Will the producers PLEASE give Traci a life and/or a love interest.PLEASE

What was that purple aluminum foil schmata Abby was wearing?

Recast Mamie, please.  She's....not very good. It looks like she reading from cue cards when she speaks.

I'm getting second hand embarrassment for the over the top PB is playing.  He's acting like he's sixteen and just lost his lost his 

 

virginity

Does Nikki have the stripper pole up her ass?  She one nasty, condescing bitch who has NO moral high ground.

Chansome, you were gorgeous in the suit, but you'd look better au naturale {and taking career advice from adolescent?  Absolutely loved Sharon's swooping down on them when she got a look at them.  She's old enough to be her grandmother.

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1 hour ago, Joimiaroxeu said:

I'm guessing she started her acting career in theater versus TV or film because her style is very BIG

Veronica Redd was born in 1948 and started her TV acting career, she doesn't appear to have done any film or stage work as far as I can tell, in 1977, at the age of 29; her years active are shown as being from 1977-2005, and resuming in 2023 - maybe, like Peter Bergman, who also doesn't appear to have ever done any film or stage work, she's just an actor who is acting style is "BIG."

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31 minutes ago, One Tough Cookie said:

She's old enough to be her grandmother.

Well Sharon Case is 52 and Allison Lanier is 33, so with an age difference of 19 years, SC is old enough to be either AL's under-21 mother, her very young aunt, or her much older sister.

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Will the producers PLEASE give Traci a life and/or a love interest.PLEASE

What was that purple aluminum foil schmata Abby was wearing?

Recast Mamie, please.  She's....not very good. It looks like she reading from cue cards when she speaks.

I'm getting second hand embarrassment for the over the top PB is playing.  He's acting like he's sixteen and just lost his lost his 

virginity

Does Nikki have the stripper pole up her ass?  She one nasty, condescing bitch who has NO moral high ground.

Chansome, you were gorgeous in the suit, but you'd look better au naturale {and taking career advice from adolescent?  Absolutely loved Sharon's swooping down on them when she got a look at them.  She's old enough to be her grandmother.

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1. I think I have the answer to why I liked Beth Maitland's new hair style one day but couldn't stand it the next - the first day I only saw her from her left profile, and then the next day, I saw her full face, which means that I like what it does for her left profile, but not what it does for her full face - something about the way it kind of flattens out and droops down on the right side ruins the look

2. I stand corrected, on closer look on today's show, Diane's gown is not cream colored, it is some kind of pastel salmon

3. I still say that the loose hair weave VR had in March was much more attractive than the locks she's got now - that weave really did compliment her features and lighten and brighten her overall appearance, the locks look so heavy that you think she must be exhausted just trying to keep her head up

4. I am now convinced that Traci, with all her running around trying to make everything perfect for everybody, is the Abbott sibling most wounded by her childhood, when she must have been the most overlooked of all four of the Abbott siblings

5. I wonder when the circulation's going to return to Chance's right arm after Sharon's death grip on it - "Go away, Summer, he's mine" - and Sharon had such a look of pure rapture on her face watching Jack and Diane's vow renewal, that I thought she was going to lean over to Chance and say "Doesn't being at a wedding make you feel like you want to get married yourself, sweetie"

6. Billy's expression throughout the whole ridiculous affair spoke volumes about what he thinks of Jack marrying Diane - maybe he was remembering when Jack continued his affair with Diane after marrying Patty Williams, the first of his now seven wives, or how Jack had publicly vowed his undying love for each of his previous brides on their wedding days, or maybe it's that he doesn't trust Diane any further than he can throw her

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In reference to Veronica Redd replacing the original actress who portayed Mamie, I found this tidbit in Redd's bio on Soaphub:

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Redd was actually friendly with Marguerite Ray, the actress she replaced as Y&R’s Mamie Johnson. In fact, Ray often came to see her work in theater and was a great supporter of Redd’s career. Unfortunately, that made the recast situation a bit awkward, but the two women eventually spoke and came to terms with what had transpired.

Sounds like Bill Bell decided to, as they say, "take the character in a different direction," which eventually was to be into John Abbott's arms. Redd was nearly 20 years younger than Ray so maybe Bell thought that would make the Mamie and John ill-fated romance more believable or acceptable. (Joi says nah.)

1 hour ago, Js Nana said:

Veronica Redd was born in 1948 and started her TV acting career, she doesn't appear to have done any film or stage work as far as I can tell, in 1977, at the age of 29; her years active are shown as being from 1977-2005, and resuming in 2023 - maybe, like Peter Bergman, who also doesn't appear to have ever done any film or stage work, she's just an actor who is acting style is "BIG."

Veronica Redd did indeed begin her acting career in theater and in 1974 won a Drama Desk Award for Outstanding Performance in a play called The Sirens. Via some deeper googling it's  possible to find a number of references to her roles in theater productions in New York and across the US mostly in the 1970s.

As recently as 2014 she participated in a staged reading of the classic Greek play The Trojan Women in Philadelphia so apparently theater work is not an aspect of her life as a performer she's trying to keep stashed away.

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Dear Buttbiscuit;

Are you familiar with the rules of etiquette? I recently attended a lovely wedding reception for a dashing gentleman I consider a son. He has a younger brother who I consider a mistake. During the touching renewal of vows, this uncouth fool rolled his eyes, made a jerking off motion, pretended to stick his finger down his throat and spit sunflower seeds at his nephew’s wife. While others gave beautiful speeches, this vulgar ass sat sullenly and silently, refusing to clap and occasionally setting off a fart machine app on his phone. I suppose he can’t help it, being the son of an obnoxious slag, but I still feel he should be taught some manners. What say you?

Signed;

To The Manner Born

Dear Manner;

I can understand your confusion, since you sound like a stuffy old bat who adheres to the traditional school of etiquette. The modern rules of proper behavior are beyond your ken. Today, it’s all about keeping it real and unvarnished truths. The truth is, wedding receptions are basically the prostate exam of social events and a freewheeling young lad can’t be expected to keep it together through all the tedium. Did you know? The jerking it gesture is considered to be the appropriate response to chuds talking about their grandkids, dorks blathering about their 401ks and every basic bozo who thinks they’ve got an original thought about the weather. Oh, and corny ass toasts at receptions. Readers, for $199.95 plus shipping and handling, you can order my helpful pamphlet, Buttbiscuit’s Rules of Etiquette. Discover the best ways to subtly deploy your middle finger from “pushing up your glasses” to “brushing aside your bangs.” Learn the best locations for disposing of nose nuggets during high class events when an emergency extraction is called for. And, by the way? That wasn’t a fart app.

Dear Buttbiscuit;

My aunt is quite insistent that I make peace with my cousin, who is a backstabbing, sideparting, bossfucking scumbag. He tried to sell out his family company, then slept his way almost to the top of another. Loyalty means nothing to this guy. Smug, smarmy, and ambitious enough to fuck a taco if it would get him promoted is no way to go through life, but that’s what he chose. I need my aunt to understand that she just can’t drop in out of the blue and force a truce on me. Thoughts?

Signed;

Wants No Part of a Side Part

Dear Part;

Whoa there, buddy! Slow your goddamn roll and take a few deep breaths. I have just about had it with you holier than thou, sanctimonious ninnies with a flagpole up your asses over a family member’s betrayal. Booohooo! I’m sick of being oppressed by self-righteous, moralizing pricks who never accidentally charged a yacht to the company credit card. Business ain’t for saints but it is for taints is something I always imagined my dad saying. Ambition and hustle are manly American values, my friend. You can lay there like a speed bump and cry about getting cheated, or you can stand the fuck up and run your own scam. Goody two shoes like you are what provoke alpha males like me into taking advantage. If you didn’t want your cousin’s foot in your ass, you shouldn’t be walking around with a vacancy sign for a tramp stamp. What’s with the jab about the guy’s hair? It’s not enough that he has to endure your shunning, but you have to cast aspersions on his style? Not today, bro. Dickhead nation, stand the hell up!

Dear Buttbiscuit;

I feel like my associate is attempting to pimp me out to fend off some blackmail, plus he expects me to play along with a truly idiotic plan to vanquish some business rival. This guy is actually pretty smart and driven, but when you try to weaponize my lady parts, I will not only jump off the bandwagon , I’ll derail that motherfucker. I’m supposed to “reignite the flame” with my ex-lover for my associate’s benefit. I actually really like my ex, though I have no idea why because he’s just a tall, dopey glass of skim milk. I’m pretty sure he and his estranged wife made up an imaginary son out of whole cloth, as no one can prove he exists. I told my boss to mind her own business today, which could possibly leave me with plenty of time for sex with my ex. 

Signed;

Bewitched By Bouffants

Dear Bewitched;

Your associate needs a beat down with his own pimp cane. It’s important for every person to choose their own sexual destiny, no matter how tawdry or desperate. I like the thought of weaponizing my dangly bits, if I’m being honest. I’d like to think of my baguette as a bold and powerful Jedi light saber, protecting me as I dive into a dark and mysterious lady cave. Wouldn’t it be amazing if I could force choke my own chicken? Anyhoo, so you told your boss off. Big deal. I talk shit to my boss’ face every single day and he has to take it because he’s family. Have you tried marrying into your boss’ family? Just a thought.

Dear Buttbiscuit;

Just who in the hell do you think you are, doling out life advice to the pitiful beings in this hamlet? If anyone is going to give orders to the peasantry, it will be me, Nikki Newman. I have an assistant. Do you have an assistant? I didn’t think so. Today I proved that I was the pinnacle of high society by offering a heartfelt wedding toast to a woman I despise, simply due to the deep friendship I have with her husband. I wore a cold smile as I warned her not to hurt the groom, as I would personally lead the mob of torch and pitchfork wielding hired mercenaries to her doorstep. It is not easy to make threats classy. You will cease and desist with this little column of yours and leave the guidance of the poors to me. By the way, a ‘poor’ is anyone not of my clan.

Signed;

Nikki Newman

Dear Nikki;

Blow it out your bagpipes, lady. Aren’t you the same basic bish who left your beloved friend at the altar after he fought to walk again just so he could surprise you at your wedding? That you? You left him for some decomposing dick at the no tell mustache motel, if I recall. I shall continue my column with the same sensitivity and deep emotional intelligence my readers have become accustomed to. By the way, please tell your dumbo of a granddaughter to stop writing in repeatedly to ask if Chance likes her. He hasn’t passed me a note in gym class yet, but I’m certain the answer is no. Because no one likes her. I tapped that and I can’t stand her. I hope you ride your high horse into a barn door.

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By the way, please tell your dumbo of a granddaughter to stop writing in repeatedly to ask if Chance likes her. He hasn’t passed me a note in gym class yet, but I’m certain the answer is no. Because no one likes her. I tapped that and I can’t stand her.

OMG, by the time I got to this I could barely breathe. NinjaPenguins, I will definitely have what you're having.

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13 hours ago, Js Nana said:

 

1. I think I have the answer to why I liked Beth Maitland's new hair style one day but couldn't stand it the next - the first day I only saw her from her left profile, and then the next day, I saw her full face, which means that I like what it does for her left profile, but not what it does for her full face - something about the way it kind of flattens out and droops down on the right side ruins the look

 

The whole time I was watching Danny at the bar I was thinking that Traci needs his haircut and blowout style. She looks good with short hair she just needs someone to not give her the old lady cut. Work out her cowlicks and bump it up in the back. Yep, go in and ask for The Danny.

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19 hours ago, Js Nana said:

I am now convinced that Traci, with all her running around trying to make everything perfect for everybody, is the Abbott sibling most wounded by her childhood,

Traci was always insecure about her weight and how John called Ashley my beauty. She tried to commit suicide. Lauren taunted her. She lost her only child whose heart is in Victor's decaying chest. She needs a good story, but I don't know if these writers can do it. 

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Aw geez, Heather acting all breathless and coy with Daniel. And he couldn't be more clueless.

Hey, it's Flashback Tuesday! 💩💩💩

Tucker, lying to Devon is not the way you want to go. He's already forgiven you several times. You're pushing your luck.

I still don't understand why where Lucy lives is decided by Heather instead of Daniel.

Audra was working awfully hard to get back in Kyle's good graces. But Tucker isn't really offering her much more than a pipe dream of running Jabot after snatches it. What's her motivation?

Did Devon track Tucker down at the GCAC just to grill him because he sat down at the bar without ordering a drink. 🤔

Lol, Jack keeps background music on his phone.

It's rude to open other people's gifts, Billy. But whatever, was that a real bonsai tree? The color seemed kinda fake to me.

Kyle's pale, swollen arms. Yuck. I thought they looked infected. 🤮

Um, Daniel, remember your girlfriend Lily? I doubt Heather moving back to GC will be beyond her wildest dreams. Mess incoming!

Diane, your grown@$$ son is more than on board with getting back with Audra. Kyle was actually on top of Audra while you were saying such dumb things. Yeesh.

The Abbotts were debating whether to keep a frigging plant or toss it out. Good grief, IMO they almost deserve for Tucker to wreck them.

Edited by Joimiaroxeu
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Audra is in full “battle dress” willing to entice Kyle back into her bed.  The difference in Kyle’s and Audra’s height makes it very easy for Kyle to see if she is wearing a bra. 

I don’t understand why Heather is in control of Lucy’s life. If Lucy now wants to be with her father, who’s Heather to stop her?  Heather you actually don’t see Daniel as a new man. You see Daniel happy with Lily and you want him back. 

Kyle is a complete and utter fool in trusting Audra once again. He now sees through his one eyed snake. 

Why am I not surprised that the serpent that is Tucker planted a bug in the “Tree of Life” to gain knowledge. 

 

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I’m not a genius by any means but the first thought I had when I saw the gift box from Tucker is that whatever was in there was bugged. How stupid can the Abbotts be?

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1 hour ago, Gam2 said:

the first thought I had when I saw the gift box from Tucker is that whatever was in there was bugged.

My first thought was "Beware of Greeks bearing gifts," and then when Billy opened the box, I thought "Watch out, it might be booby-trapped," and then when he took the bonsai tree out of the box, I thought "I'll bet that's hiding a 'bug.'"

2 hours ago, Waldo13 said:

He now sees through his one eyed snake. 

Unfortunately for Kyle, he is so stupidly convinced that he's smart that he actually believes he can outwit Audra. 

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2 hours ago, Joimiaroxeu said:

Heather acting all breathless and coy with Daniel.

There is something about VB's voice that turns me off, which is kind of funny because we were both born, though many years apart, in Boston, Mass.

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