the-grey-lady

The recap is still comin,' folks. I've been out of town and I had to sit through last week's snoozefest first. Tonight! I'm getting it up tonight!

Because Darcey is going to find her Prince Charming if she has to exhaust the world's supply of plastic to do it.

One my plans for the day, in between bouts of binge-drinking to block out Meri's eyebrows, is to tackle the episode 7 recap. We will soon all know the answer to the all-important question "why not one house?" Spoiler answer: FOR SO MANY REASONS. THESE PEOPLE HATE EACH OTHER.

Dr. Now: If you need anything, let me know. Joyce: I need medical transport. Dr. Now: No, you don't. So if you need anything else, let me know. That quote about sums up this cesspool of an episode.

Wow, Whitney is hilariously self-centered. Last season, Todd quit BGDC, and she was apoplectic, complaining to everyone and everything about his betrayal, and they had a long rift in their friendship because of it. Now, Whitney's done with BGDC FOR THE SAME REASONS TODD QUIT BEFORE, and she expects Todd to be just fine with it RIGHT NOW after a couple bites of pasta, and she can't possibly understand why he'd be upset. What a navel-gazing asshole. Well...not literal navel-gazing...

"But Dad, you kill people. And you're a dick." This episode was balls to the wall crazy, and I loved every second of it.

I lost track of how many times Gina blathered on about how hard something was for her, or how she was putting too much stress on her body or how she just "couldn't do it," while footage played of her sitting in a chair, being waited on. The editors were particularly savage this episode. Also, Gina was thoroughly unlikable.

Whitney on the scooter in front of the sign that says "building confidence one step at a time" is life.

Can I volunteer to recap in a few weeks? Is there an episode airing on February 16? I would be willing to suffer through that one for y'all.

How empowering to see Victoria F. overcome her crippling shyness to strut down the runway in a lace teddy. Truly an amazing feat of bravery.

SpongeRobyn SquareHead needs to be her official nickname.

Anna: How do you feel about Mursel coming back? Son: I don't care. Anna: So you like Mursel? Son: Kinda. Anna: I'm so GLAD they're so HAPPY for ME!

I. Can't. Resist. Tammy should get some bangs. She'd look less Cro-Mangon if she did. Me, watching this video: Is she going to announce she discovered fire?

So Christine "wanted the family," and she "didn't just want the man," except when it comes to absolutely everything related to being an actual family. Like living in the same house (or even in a bunch of apartments in one structure separated by freaking rock walls). Like making decisions about money as a group, instead of individually. What benefits are there to this arrangement, Christine? Do share. --------- Kody, six months ago: We should totally put these houses on the market ASAP, 'cause they're worth a FORTUNE. We are going to make SO MUCH MONEY. Kody, now: We are losing SO MUCH MONEY on these houses. We have to get out right away, even if we have to bring money to the table. The market is COLLAPSING. WHY are my wives so MAD at me for encouraging them to sell?

Question asked and answered, Colleenna.

How much money is required, and where should I send it, to ensure that I never have to hear "cross the fleshhold" again? I've got my checkbook at the ready.

"Whitney has no idea what she's capable of." -- says Ryan, ABOUT WEARING PANTS

I'm about two minutes into this episode, and I may not make it. Are my eyes deceiving me? Are Michael and Amy really eating at a restaurant called The Feed Bag? Oops, I was wrong. It's The Feed MILL.

I usually spend my viewing time thinking about how much I loathe Whitney...but today's viewing was markedly different. I spent it thinking about how much I hate her fucking friends. Cheesus, that cookout. What a bunch of bitter, mean-spirited, passive-aggressive assholes. Only Ryan seemed to be making the slightest effort to be civil, let alone friendly. TLC, can you stop trying to make Buddy happen? If we weren't quite sure before this episode, we are now. Buddy is a nasty, unlikable jackass. I can't imagine why Whitney wants to stay friends with him at all.

In all fairness, Kody NEVER walked around the cul-de-sac. He always ran, fright wig a-flyin'- from house to house, complaining all the way. I'm sure that was exhausting.

For someone who cannot do absolutely anything for herself, including acquiring the enormous pile of junk she eats, Tammy spends an awful lot of time sighing and scowling.

I'm currently about 140 lbs, and my eating habit consists of too many brownies, lots of coffee, and a whole lotta gateway fruit. I hope I don't sink the basket.

Every time I saw Bethany and Sheldon next to one another, I recited that old nursery rhyme about Jack Sprat. Is there room in your handbasket?

Every time I see that list, I'm shocked anew to see James K's weight GAIN on there.

Meri doesn't do light and fun.