the-grey-lady

I loved the part when Libby's bitchy-ass sisters were all, "I can't BELIEVE Libby isn't answering the phone while she's in labor! How dare she!" Libby's mother: Who doesn't want their mother there when they're in labor? Libby's sisters: And all their bitchy-ass sisters? Me: Me.

Update: I first saw this photo 10 minutes ago, and I am still staring at it in openmouthed, slack-jawed horror.

Aieeeee! I could've lived another 60 years, another happy 60 years, without seeing Tony do the duck lips pose.

Senshus! That's the one I missed!

You're just totes jelly that you don't get to hang at the klerb or in Alasker with Whit. That hurt to type.

I think these are really sad questions, and honestly, I think the answer really is that there wasn't anything more that could've been done for Sean. Yes, Dr. Now might have been able to get Sean into a psychiatric hold, but those are 48 hours, and then he would've been back on his own. And if APS had intervened, what options would've been available to them? They aren't prison wardens; they can't hold somebody indefinitely, and I think it's unreasonable to expect the authorities to imprison someone forever in order to keep them on a diet. Absolutely every option available to Sean required that eventually he take responsibility for his own life, and he simply was not capable of doing that, ever.

That was one of the saddest things I've ever seen. I spent most of this episode wondering when, exactly, Dr. Now realized that Sean was simply too far gone.

Oh, not either of the twins! They are totally insipid!

Every time I see Nicole's godawful new hairdo...

I really doubt Lee needed to be advised to give adult temper tantrums a try. I'm sure he has them on the regular. And did he seriously say that Rena's face got in the way of his frying pan?! Way to duck responsibility, you whiny, unlikable POS.

I'm assuming he's the CEO of a Fortune 500 company or the like.

Lee [after gaining even more weight instead of losing it]: I'm not happy I came all the way down here to get chewed out for no reason. Me: Yes, it's a total mystery why Dr. Now, A BARIATRIC SURGEON, would chew you out for GAINING WEIGHT after having weight loss surgery. AGAIN. If only everyone would stop persecuting poor, innocent Lee! He tries so hard!

Wow...Paul was absolutely gobsmacked at the idea of having to make $26k a year...as if $26k is some kind of impossible sum available only to sheikhs and members of the royal family.

So much healthy communication in this episode! Such strong, happy couples! Colt: I'm attracted to you, and I'm sure you're attracted to me... Larissa: [rolls eyes] *********** Nicole's mother: Seems awfully suspicious of Azan to cancel, AGAIN... Nicole: LA LA LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU! *********** Elizabeth: You should ask for my dad for a job. Andrei: No. Elizabeth: We don't have any money. Andrei: We'll be fine. Elizabeth: How? Andrei: We just will be. Elizabeth: I got money from my dad. Andrei: Why? Elizabeth: Because we didn't have any! Andrei: I can't believe you asked for money we needed but didn't have! ************ Ashley: Jay hung up on me. I haven't heard from him since. Jay: .... Ashley: Hey, how was your weekend? Jay: .... Ashley: What you do this weekend? Jay: Nothing. Ashley: What about FUN? Didn't you have FUN? I bet you had FUN. *********** At least Pedro can make his wishes known. Chantel: I want to visit you in the DR. Pedro: Nah. Go somewhere else. Chantel: So you don't want me to visit you there? Pedro: That's what I'm saying. Chantel: So don't care where I go, as long as it isn't there? Pedro: Right. Chantel: WELL, I'M COMING ANYWAY. Pedro: Um...

Confidential to Family Nicole: Nicole does not have a plan. For anything. Ever. She does not know how to make plans, she does not see a reason to make plans, and she will never, at any time, think more than a few seconds ahead. Consider this your warning from here on out. "Nicole, do you have a plan for..." No. No, she does not.

The only way to up the ante from here on out is for a prospective suitor to declare their love for the Bach/ette the second they step out of the limo on night one.

What a masterclass in bullshit and gaslighting. Justin: I don't want to see Steven. Sr: I brought Steven to see Justin after his surgery! Justin: I don't want to see Steven. Sr: I brought Steven along for Justin's appointment! Justin: I don't want to see Steven, and I don't want to repair our relationship. Sr: I know they don't get along, but hopefully they can start repairing their relationship. Justin: Steven stole my painkillers. Sr: Only 10 of them. I don't know why you're so upset. Justin: Steven beat me every day when we were kids. Steven: Not EVERY DAY. Justin: But he beat me. Steven: I don't know why they don't get along. They just need to try.

My new favorite hobby while watching these episodes is yelling, "WITH WHAT MONEY?" after certain folks are especially boneheaded. Tonight's episode offered many opportunities to enjoy my new hobby. Nicole: Azan and I are going to Grenada and we're going to get married in Morocco and he happy foreeever la la la! Me: WITH WHAT MONEY? Andrei: We're moving out of Elizabeth's dad's house and into an apartment and I am never taking any money from her dad again and also we need rent money and money for the baby blah blah... Me: WITH WHAT MONEY? Pedro: I'm giving my family a bunch of money and flying to the DR for who knows how long byeeeee! Me: WITH WHAT MONEY? Larissa: I want to pump my body full of as much plastic as possible and Coltee has to pay for it nooooooooow! Me: WITH WHAT MONEY? Pao: I want to stay in Miami 'cause it's espicey here, and Russ better find a way to make that happen or I will whine and stomp my fake-Louboutin'd feet! Me: WITH WHAT MONEY?

Nicole's "friend": Up until now I thought Azan was the one for Nicole. Me: YOU DID NOT.

GREY COMMUNICATION AWARDS FOR THIS EPISODE *********** AWARD FOR WORST COMMUNICATION GOES TO... Ashley: Blah blah blah... Jay: Shut up. Ashley: No, you shut up. Jay: No, you. Ashley: Shut the fuck up. Jay: You shut the fuck up. The rest of us peons can only aspire to such clear, honest communication. ************ AWARD FOR BEST COMMUNICATION GOES TO... Nicole: Should we call Daddy? May: No. [Nicole proceeds to ignore May completely, preferring instead to recite her grocery list to Azan, who feigns happiness when he learns Nicole is purchasing a whole avocado.] Special kudos to the immigration attorney forced to listen to Chantel and Pedro threaten, passive-aggressively, to divorce one another. I'm sure she was thrilled to get them the Hell out of her office.

I watched an hour of this trainwreck before I realized that Angie's daughter was pregnant. I'm going to Hell, and I do not care. Angie: This is about ME. FINALLY. I always do everything for everyone ELSE, and now it's time to do something for ME. I can't believe Desiree won't uproot her life at my beck and call and move 18 hours away! Me: Bitch, everything is already about you! You have two people who've given up their entire lives to do nothing more than FEED YOU. What on earth are you doing for EVERYONE ELSE from your damn bed?

How refreshing! Single mother Nicole is admitting that she's having a hard time making ends meet, so she's looking for a job to bring in more income! Awesome! Wait, what? She's actually planning to use that money -- money she needs for her freaking minor daughter -- to drag her reluctant "fiance" on vacation to Grenada? I just can't even.

Somehow that manages to look even less appetizing than I'd pictured.

"How much soda do you drink?" "A 2-liter. Two or three 2-liters." Yeah. One 2-liter does not equal two 2-liters, and it certainly does not equal three of them. Math, Mercedes.

The best thing about the countdown to the new season was it that it gave me the chance to again watch Mother Chantel YELL. IN. HALTING. SPANISH. AS. IF. POORLY. EXPLAINING. SHIT. TO. A. PARTICULARLY. SLOW. AND. ONLY. NOMINALLY. SPANISH-SPEAKING. TODDLER.