the-grey-lady

I read that last hashtag as #lularoehardon, and I was surprised to see they'd diversified into marital aids.

I cannot for the life of me figure out why Darcey can't just text Tom and say, "I had a great time with you!" or some such, instead of dribbling pablum about how he's her king and her rock, etc.? It is SO obvious Tom doesn't like that over-the-top gushing, but she doesn't seem to notice and/or care.

Sperm? Meteors? Defects from the factory? The possibilities are endless!

That. Effing. Shirt. It's...there are no words...hideous? Check. Ill-fitting? Check. Flimsy and cheap? Check. Wow, that is hilariously ugly. Even by LLR standards.

Again with the pablum about digestion! Go see a doctor for your gut, Janelle!

We would never be cast on a reality show...thank god!

Jenny: I love Sumit, but I'm not going to wait forever. Me: Yes, you will. I am so sick of every sad sack on this show whining about how, "if you love someone, you can work through aaaannnnyyyytttthhiiiinnnnggg!" I call bullshit. If I find out my husband is a hardened criminal, I'm out of here. (ETA: I've been with my husband for 17 freaking years, he never catfished me, but doesn't have a super secret criminal record, he isn't married to someone else on the sly, he has no sort of addiction about which he's been lying shamelessly, etc.)

I am willing to pay a hefty bride price (we can negotiate the amount later) to the first person who can assure me that Ben did not comment on how "well kept" Akinyi's "cookie jar" was.

I'm not convinced Michelle could pick her OWN children out of a lineup.

My favorite scene ever: Anthony ruminating on proposing to Rilah, his hand on the ring in his pocket, gazing into the distance and pondering his future. As he summons up his courage...Rilah starts barking at him, accusing him of being boring and demanding he "just talk!" No proposal, how shocking.

Why is absolutely EVERYTHING so HARD for her?

Doesn't dancing typically involve moving your legs?

This is awesome! Thank you!

Okay, I have to ask: where are you finding these old book flyers? I'd love to relive my grade school book choices? (I poked around on archive.org, but I wasn't sure where to look.)

I'm going to start a Gofundme to get her a supportive bra.

Corey and Evelin are baffling. Corey: Evelin says she doesn't want to get married. I'm going to ask her to marry me! Evelin's dad: Evelin doesn't want to get married. Sucks to be you. Corey: I can't wait to ask Evelin to marry me. Evelin, will you marry me? Evelin: Eh...that's a big question. Corey: You don't have to if you don't want to. Evelin: I mean...okay? Yeah, sure. Maybe. Corey: We're getting married! Such a touching love story for these two star-crossed lovebirds.

I don't think Darcey or Stacey are looking for husbands to serve as actual partners. I think they're both looking for accessories -- pretty boys to tell them how great and loved they are at all times, and to keep their egos properly inflated. In both seasons featuring Darcey, she spent hours caterwauling about Jesse and Tom, but she never focused on them as humans, or anything she liked about them, but on how they made HER feel. The Silva twins are looking for walking, complimenting handbags to validate their attractiveness.

"Don't make me look like a needy woman!" ...sobs Darcey, boobs spilling out of her bustier, face scrunched with tears, pleather pants too tight, jealous scowl firmly affixed, glaring openly at Tom for refusing to profess his love for her RIGHT THAT SECOND. Methinks that ship has already sailed, Darce.

Sooooo...is this shirt supposed to remind me of a Georgia O'Keefe painting? Or is this part of the new LLR Love Your Vag Collection?

Alana is a child. She may believe she wants to be a Hollywood star. She may believe she wants attention. She may love to be on reality TV. None of that matters. Children cannot make healthy and reasonable decisions for themselves, which is why they need parents to keep their best interests in mind. Regardless of what Alana wants, and no matter how badly she wants it, it's June's job to do what's best for her. Period.

If Alana were an adult, I'd agree with you. But she's a child, and she's not responsible for the poor decisions her mother has made.

Why does Tiffany keep ringing her hands and wailing about how she "just doesn't know" whether something will trigger Ronald's gambling addiction? She's married to an addict, and they never discussed what triggers his addiction? Seriously?

I could've lived another 80 years, quite happily, without seeing a replay of Angela's cake-gasm.

Man, the editors were killin' it this episode. Matt: Sydney's awesome, and we can talk about anything...and Bri is a SUPERMODEL. Matt: Bri, will you accept this rose? [a short time later] Matt: Bri, you are SO HOT. Bri: I want someone who sees me as more than a pretty face, byeeee.

I love the last few weeks of Paradise, when randos who've spent their time hanging out and drinking suddenly start rushing about, looking for someone (anyone!) to whom they can become engaged.