candall

Oh, yeah, I forgot: GIVE ME THAT COOKIE!!!

Former Officer Ward Cleaver doesn't seem like he should need the inmat-imacy. Can't he just pick up a nice lady at church on Wednesday night?

Let's conversate about martinis. This woman is clueless about more than love.

I'm here, I'm all caught up--let's conversate! '

Or just throw everything on Mimi, one after another. I'll wait. I can't believe there isn't more debate and/or outrage about the model size discrepancy in this head-to-head showdown. In the first pairing, the first model has very distinctive back creases trapped under the suspenders in her nude back square, which the camera only shows for a split second. She's followed immediately by Mimi prancing in and dazzling everyone with the fluffy jacket. Mimi stop, turns, and looks over her shoulder on the way out, emphasizing another nude back. But I don't think "hey, no back flab," I just think, "ooh, pretty." In the second pairing, Korto has bundled her stick-thin model into a heavy voluminous jacket with a pronounced peplum and little peek-a-boo flashes in front. Rami's model pooches out through his cage design. It was painful; I couldn't stop wincing. Switch 'em up and let's take another look. In the third pairing, I expected Anna's diagonal jean yokes on the conventionally tall thin model to win over Kara Saun's plus size gladiator button strips. Was it that stupid lip chain? Or was it too obvious to choose the thin model design over the big model design three times in a row? I'm just keenly frustrated because I think it's an unfair disadvantage. People come in all different shapes and sizes--the one that best showcases clothing designs on the runway is the coatrack model. There aren't any 5'2" models in the mix just to even out the statuesque numbers, even though most women aren't up around six feet tall. Pfaaa.

Due to what my dvr unapologetically referred to as 'Error,' I only caught the last runway model, plus the judging. Me: WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING HERE? ### My abbreviated take on tonight's show is that the judges might try to be a little more objective and professional. The male guest judge didn't need to be gushing about Korto's influence on the fashion world, as she stood next to her crappy doily-luggage strap bra and shiny handkerchief sarong. I guess he wanted to make sure she wouldn't be eliminated, and he succeeded. Worse was Elaine shrieking out Kara Saun's name with such joy. It's not as though Kara Saun created such a showstopper that she left everyone else in the dust--Elaine just really likes her and was thrilled by her win. I would've entertained a bitter thought or two about that if I were Rami.

Anna said she'd never worked with plaid--and then every last seam on those pants was PERFECTLY aligned. (Including the four-way intersection at the bottom of the crotch, which you could examine courtesy of the vag-cam stationed at the foot of the stairs.) Impressive, Anna! More of that stepping up, please--show those mean girls.

This show is so goofy and fake. Gorden and Joe dramatically sighing and shaking their heads at how Balcony Guy had screwed the South and Northeast teams with the "sweet" designation over "savory." THEY'RE APPLES. Pork chops and applesauce is the only classic pairing I can think of--certainly not warm apples poured over fish (ew) or scallops (ew!). On the other hand, you don't have to be a trained pastry chef to rustle up some kind of sugary crumble and whip some cream. Don't forget the cinnamon. Or go crazy--nutmeg! Done. #### Maybe the geographic teams are artificially gerrymandered, but since that's what the producers chose, would it have killed them to distribute different colored aprons? {Sorry. I'm cranky from squinting at the delicate stitching on the apron bibs, trying to figure out who's on what team. You're pushing me, show.}

"I don't really see anyone doing a lot of healthy barbeque." Ha. My eyes rolled back so far, they fell behind the couch. Nice knowing you, Redshirt.

Brittany was on a plane when she had a serious, debilitating stroke. She used a Peloton stationary bike to help recover her mobility, which inspired her to start designing workout clothes. "Athleisure"? I think she may have said she's now Peleton's chief designer, but at any rate, she discovered a field of design she loves and where she excels, so she credited the horrible circumstances of her stroke with leading her to her design path. It was quite moving. She became very emotional when she talked about having to be gurneyed off the plane.

Hey, Kayne and Korto! Did someone assign you a seat next to Brandon and Nina? Who the fuck do you think you are, cutting Anna down to size because you don't approve of her design? That was all kinds of mean girl ugly. Their designs, for me, will now be somewhat tainted by that rush to eviscerate a colleague.

For some reason, I'm thinking the outdoorsy venue and the imprecise nature of grilling will have Sunny turned up to Chaos 11. i agree that she was very dignified on the Military Chopped episodes, so we know she can do it, but I'm not counting on that kind of self-discipline in a show named Brawl. If I can handle Sunny, I'm looking forward to watching Anne. She won't want to match Sunny's volume--how's she going to manifest her leadership? (I admire Anne. I think she must've had a tough time getting to where she is.)

So Nina looks at an outfit with big stuffed dinosaur heads perched on each shoulder and says, "I looked at it and I couldn't find any toooooys." <eyeroll> ### The judging is whacky and unfathomable, same as every other year. None of the seven people standing at the end had the slightest idea whether they were a High Score or a Low Score. I'm thinking you could've swapped the 'safe' people with the high/low people and the judges would've justified an entirely different result, presto chango, with equal conviction. ### The pandas looked more as though they were wearing saucy narrow red Zorro masks--not bleeding eyes, for cripe's sake!

I haven't checked in with this mess since the first episode and it's all exactly the same! Queen still refuses to listen to anyone about any-bloody-thing, the prom queen girls are still sniping at each other, and the idiot redhead guy is still just standing on the side staring vacantly into space while the whole exercise implodes around him. Now, about that idiot redhead. I HATED watching him kick that fish. The objection Gordon was searching for was "Because you don't treat a living creature with such casual cruelty." Of course, all the fish they hurled back into the water were soon just as dead as the one he was kicking across the rocks. (If you want to release a fish, you gently lower it into the water and support it until its gills acclimate and it shoots away.) No one associated with this stupid show knew fuck-all about fishing. All that screeching and yelling! Hasn't anyone ever heard of "Quiet! You'll scare the fish!"? How's that writers' strike coming along? We're really scraping the bottom of the barrel with this dross.

Exactly what I came here to say, too. I don't care if Carol Burnett's char lady shuffles in dragging her bucket, don't be too superior to acknowledge another human being entering the room. S/he may turn out to be someone who was breaking professional ground way before the world ever heard of YOU. (Also, in fairy tales, she's the Queen in disguise.) #### Andy Cohen! I'm sure you're the one responsible for attaching your little WWHL caboose onto my Project Runway recording and making me excited about a 90-minute episode. Boooo.

I liked Saba very much. She was a competent professional. I thought she was every bit as talented as the Alpha Boys, but she was immediately reduced to sous chef status along with all the other women. The judging was so manufactured and arbitrary. They could easily have channeled Saba into the "Superior" stream the same way they did Cory and Preston, with all that capo bullshit. They just chose not to.

Weird little footnote, but what the hell: The cheftestants managed to pronounce lasagna and famiglia with silent g's, but they all (including Alex) punted on tagliatelle and agnolotti. Even with cutie pie Gabe Bertaccini sitting right there, saying "This tah-lyah-tell-eh is very nicely done," no one picked up on it. Now I've heard Alex say "ag-noh-loh-tee" twice on other shows and it drives me crazy. Really? Also, Alex doesn't understand a "hat trick". Alex: "Mmm, spicy AND delicious! Hat trick!" 🤣 Sigh. So much potential for this scenic location/cooking competition and it was just ill-thought-out and sloppy. Ciao-ciao.

Exactly. I thought it might turn out to be a wasted hour of double-entendres and goofy "Chaka Khan" answers. But things tightened up once they all got over their nerves. I loved the elegant, understated Hilly--how long did she say she'd been in the industry? But I also enjoyed Woo Woo and Olivia. I hoped that Woo Woo would get to stay for the final round. Woo Woo vs. Hilly is probably the best chance there will ever be to see the two best players in the final.

Hey, show. You've only put out one episode. Maybe it's not too late to release the episodes the woman showrunner produced, starting with Episode 2. Because everyone who is not The Weeknd hates this mess.

I didn't think it was a successful exercise to EC the mise-en-place challenge. It made for a frenetic production, the cooking time and the commentary from both judges and chefs were too abbreviated, that stupid whistle was irritating. Mainly, though, I was confused about the rules, and I believe the losing team chefs were as well. This is pretty much my first complaint about the season, though. The locations, the challenges, the camaraderie and respect among the whole bunch of confident, talented chefs--outstanding.

ETA: I enjoyed this episode much more than the first one. This was car-wreck level bad and I just sat and giggled at Gordon morosely testifying that this, THIS was "the most embarrassed [he'd] ever been in his life." Sure, Chef, sell it!

--Sorry, I would not let a woman with inflated bosom globes curate my event. --When did "critique" become synonymous with "criticize"? I hear it all the time on reality competitions these days. --Lady!!! Eyebrows!!! .

I tell you, I would read a snarky book detailing the poor decisions that went into the production of this splashy crapfest. Starting, I now learn, with renting a charming Tuscan villa even though the crappy little outdated kitchen only holds half the cheftestants. I would have been pretty happy to giggle and wisecrack over the stupidity if only it could have been a smidge less sexist. It felt like the women were basically only there to serve as sous chefs for the men. One of the men said it was his third time in a row as capo. Did "Pasta Queen" Sarah ever get to lead a team? Why were two men the only ones allowed to go on the peak cool field trip to the cheese caves? They could have let everyone go for the tour and the tastings and let the challenge capos choose the five cheeses they wanted. Nope. Alpha males only. Saba and Natalie might not have been the strongest chefs there, but they reached the finale fair and square according to the rules of the show. It was a kick in the teeth for them to essentially be told, "We've decided to let the two men we really liked come back so one of them can compete against you for the prize." Grrr.

Hotel Hell! I forgot about that little gem, LOL. So: Masterchef/Masterchef Junior Hell's Kitchen Kitchen Nightmares Food Stars Uncharted/Uncharted Showdown Next Level Chef ####### Gordon Ramsay's Road Trip/American Road Trip The F Word Gordon Behind Bars Ramsay's Boiling Point Hotel Hell 24 Hours to Hell and Back Best New Restaurant Ramsay's Best Restaurant Gordon Ramsay's Shark Bait The Ultimate Cookery Course Matilda and the Ramsay Bunch Ramsay's Costa Del Nightmares Gordon Ramsay's Home Cooking Hotel GB ##### I'm exhausted. GordoRam must be on tv more than Law & Order!

I'm pretty sure I heard Saba say she had been a Chopped Grand Champion. Hilarious!