candall

Oh, please take pity on those of us with 50-year old eyes and low-def television and keep the English. The CC subtitles have a nice white type against a black bar background, but the show-generated subtitles are yellow and sometimes match the couch in the background. I'm just now watching the episode, but it's past time for Molly to reveal an agenda. It would be difficult to swallow a 20-year sleeper cell storyline, but I don't think it's too off the chain to show her beginning to appreciate that daily massage next to the palace pool. The level of luxury at her disposal would defy imagination and so far, I've only seen her use it to get out of cruising Kayak for plane reso's. There would be someone lurking with a honey-rosewater morsel anytime she wanted to stretch out her arm and someone else on standby to define her eyebrows with a long piece of floss. She's an honored guest-slash-member of the ruling family. I can easily see her taking a long look at Alice Krige and thinking, "Well, this lifestyle is rather appealing. I never liked giving out my cellphone number to my patients anyway." Jaw gritter detail: the son thinks he's cute that he can't master "as salaam alaikum" followed by "wa alaikum al-salaam"???? This would only come up a few dozen times per day. Oy.

Oh, how can you not be loving this show? I'm only halfway through and the howlers are already rich and plentiful. "Son, you've got to let Angie go." [it's been 15 minutes.] "I'm afraid Joe is keeping his emotions bottled up inside." [iT'S BEEN 15 MINUTES.] "They found a woman's shoeprint. Probably hers." Because she's Bigfoot? Clementine? Carrie Bradshaw? Now Barbie's going to dump pesticide on the monarchs. What next, a panda shows up and Chester Mills decides to nuke it?

When someone knocked at the door, I suddenly noticed Wendy was tiptoeing down the shadowy hall, past way more light fixtures than any normal home. And the front door was still pitch black. Wait. . .what? Let's go to the replay. Counting lamps, wall sconces, candles and that massive chandelier, there were over 30 light sources between the couch where they were sitting and the front door. Wendy should have been rocking Ray-Bans. In Frederick's bedroom, there are nine lamps. ( I hope he brought a sleep mask through the portal.) And it's not just Witch Manor! Dash had three lamps plus a roaring fire in the walk-in hearth, but his face was still "bathed by the eerie glow" from his laptop. What's with all these crazy light bulbs? Is East End cursed with ineffective wattage? P.S. No problem seeing that tentacle slip beneath her hem out there in Birnam Wood at midnight.

Best line of the episode, uttered in response to missing girl question: "She couldn't have gone far." Durrrrrrrrrrrrr. . .

Have these women never been invited to a dinner party before??? You don't announce that you refuse to eat the main course. You don't discuss that the appetizer ingredients will make you vomit. You don't go wandering into the kitchen to see if someone will get you a bowl of soup. Or vodka. You don't get up and go trooping out for a smoke while the hosts sit there and hold the next course. Ack! And who announces, while the dishes are being cleared, "I could really go for a big juicy hamburger right about now"? No wonder Lady Sandwich had to retire early. She probably had an attack of the vapors.

I love a good horror flick and most of AHS had me happily peeking at the screen between my fingers. (Try it, it really works!) But the torture in S.3 pushed the line for me and then Salem zoomed right on past. Did not enjoy. So now I'm worried. The whole point of freakshows in the first place was to elicit a gross-out reaction. And of course Ryan is going to use a hydraulic lift to set the bar for Season Four. And if we're talking about the '50's, there weren't any statutory protections, much less any townie interference based on moral outrage or the as-yet-uncoined term "political correctness." Basically, there must've been a lot people living in hell on the carnival circuit, even without jolting it up a few notches for optimal viewer squick. You have to WANT to peek for the system to work.

I flat out loved it. I don't have too much trouble with Barry and Molly. The show did a good job showing Barry as the kind of pediatrician who would interrupt his pre-vacation jog to allay the fears of a nervous mother who "thinks it might be strep." ( Molly's reaction: "That's why I don't give out my cell phone number." Heh.) Barry's not a mystery to her--he's a warm, loving husband, father and physician, who sometimes lets people take advantage of his good nature. Plus, Barry's brother's family has been to visit and everyone went to Disneyland and had a grand ol' time, tra la, tra la. What, me worry? So they never found the time to visit the family palace. There were all those years of med school, residency, etc. and a couple of babies to raise. I think the giant empty plane--and all it implied--came out of nowhere for her, and his reaction was her first disconnect. You could tell smacking that mouthy kid was WAY out of character for Dr. Barry. I had more trouble with the daughter getting off the plane in a sleeveless top. I've been all over the Middle East and occasionally it feels like the lack of a wine list at dinner is the biggest difference from a Western country. But of course that is never, ever true. For women, Modesty is Rule Number One. Skip the shorts and get those shoulders covered up. . .and then it goes from there. Nobody took a peek at Lonely Planet before they left? There's a special section of interest for the mouthy kid. Otherwise, the pilot set up a dozen different dark twisty paths to follow. And Barry/Baseem: Yum! I can't wait.