ramble

Kevin’s trauma from hearing the words “fantasy suite” made me straight up laugh at him. Yes therapy is a good thing, but dude if the reality shows you are continually choosing to be on are causing you emotional turmoil there’s an easy fix: Stop. Going. On. Them. I did find it especially funny how he pointed out the fantasy suite with Ashley I. was a bad idea, a very bad idea. I imagine she is doing her open-mouthed spider-eyed crying on Jared’s shoulder right now. Who didn’t see Annalise getting dumped in advance? And while I’ll admit doing it like that was crappy, I kept thinking that she should be sort of used to it since she had already been dumped multiple times on tv prior to that time. I almost feel sorry for her. The relationship seeking desperation comes off of her in waves like a walking tool wearing Axe body spray. She isn’t unattractive and can speak in full sentences, with an excessive use of the word like, but still, sentences. Why isn’t she looking somewhere other than a reality tv show for her fairy tale, all in, happily ever after, soul mate of forever? Oh that’s right, farewhoredom or social media shilling or some other ridiculous thing involving non-regular life. The rest? Meh. I wasn’t too interested in any of the couples. This group was a bit bland and boring.

I’m mostly a wrong reasons viewer so Jordan and Jenna being together or not matters little to me. I think he’s an egotistical blowhard who is all in for Jordan. I think she’s a bit of a whackadoodle and waffles with the slightest breeze. They’re both odd to me so in their own strange way they almost seemed to work. The biggest giggle this show gives me is that these folks act so completely earnest about their only, last, best chance to find the one during two weeks in an unairconditioned cut rate resort with a small cast of other Bach/B’ette reject famewhores.

Y’all have covered it all better than I could but I’m a talker, a rambling blitherer, so I feel compelled to... Ricky Bobby is still impressing me, much to my surprise! He must be a good listener to have not only heard the doggie DNA test idea, but remembered it then followed through and ordered it. I find it an odd request but Bobby loves Henry and Danielle. The list of reasons he loves her was smushy sweet. And her gift was thoughtful and a good example of paying attention and listening as well. Go you guys go! Dave got major points from me for not screaming during the chicken dinner of doom. I would’ve had to say something. Yuck! I think he knew that one comment about the long-nailed raw chicken fingers would have led to a full blown bawling blonde breakdown and hours of insecurity theatre complete with a recitation of past moments where Amber felt not good enough. I’m exhausted just writing that. I can’t imagine living it. Mia and whatshisname are horrible to watch. I know his name but it escapes me at the moment. Much like I hope he will escape Mia as soon as the camera turns off. And why can I remember her stinking stupid name?! Boo me!

This made me laugh! I’ve found that I now appreciate Sean, and his sense of humor, more than I did on his season.

Ugh. I still don’t enjoy Melanie. Slavic posed more than danced in that routine. It was just an odd dance and not interestingly odd in my opinion. I did like him with Hannahlei in the African jazz. His tendency to hunch his back worked well for a change. I enjoy his personality and hearing him say how he felt something new and different when he did contemporary for the first time reminds me why I like the way this show works, when it works. I don’t dislike Jensen and think she dances well enough. But she’s bland or too similar to others in her style. I have come to really enjoy her sister on DWTS so sorry, but she’s still Lindsey’s sister in my mind. I did enjoy her dance with Robert but I’ve always liked Robert and think he helps make beautiful pictures in dance. Genessy is so personable and fun but she dances heavy or tied to the ground or something that I can’t articulate. I do enjoy watching her and think she’s simply beautiful. I hated the dance she and Jensen did. I thought it was stupid and I really didn’t like the one she did with Hannahlei either. Maybe I’m old and curmudgeonly but a lot of these routines were just blah or worse. Hannahlei has been my choice since early on and I still really like her. She is fierce! And fire! Do I sound like Vanessa? No, honestly I think she is a powerful, versatile dancer. It seems like she gets whatever is thrown at her. I haven’t particularly noticed her inability to emote but I often tune out the choreographer explaining how to be all angsty or angry or sad-faced during the dance. She does seem naturally upbeat though so maybe that’s part of it. I do think she’s the strongest of the four that are left.

Oh I like that idea! Maybe I can finally tell my coworker to quit humming, whistling, and singing out loud and she’ll actully hear what I’m saying. Forgot diplomacy I’m going to scream, “Stop it you noise making bag of crazy! I don’t care if you sang once at an event in junior high. You were never asked to again and you’re 45. Get over it! And no you don’t hum in perfect tune and whistling does not put people in a good mood. I imagine taping your mouth closed daily. That puts me in a good mood.” When HR calls me in I’m going to claim that I identify as a kind co-worker and they can’t write me up. Case closed. Topic? I wish someone would tape Mia’s mouth closed. And that has nothing to do with a fishbowl fantasy. (Eww!) I can’t stand to hear the manipulative pile of lies she keeps spewing. She is not fun to hate in a villain kind of way. She’s just nasty.

If Colton is TB then you know Tia will show. She’ll either be a surprise! contestant or a voice of advice as he’s agonizing over his choices or she’ll Chris Buk it and show up to try to get on the season.

I want this guy! Although Bobby isn’t physically my type and his baby face makes me feel even older than I am. Still, so far, and I feel like with this show there has to be a qualifier, he seems pretty great. I’ll take a side of him with some sex twice a day (leave me alone, I’ve been single quite awhile) and maybe throw in some of Tristan’s entrepreneurial spirit too. Amber confirms to me, every time she whines, that she’s exhausting to deal with. Ugh. Unless they cut out big chunks of conversation no one told her to go brunette so she would be Dave’s type. She hears whatever insecurity voice is yelling in her head, not the actual words. Their balcony date felt like one of The Bachelor two on one dates and they were about to have the talk before the person learns they aren’t getting the one rose available. Awkward and forced with some uncomfortable physical interaction. Mia and Tristan gross me out because I find her disgusting and I’m disgusted that he hasn’t bailed. How many times does she have to lie or manipulate him or throw him under the bus before he screams, “Enough!” I want Ricky Bobby and Danielle to make it. I hope their boring behavior is because they’re keeping their private stuff private. Either that or they’re actually *gasp* a little bit normal.

Is it weird that I’m kind of impressed she wore the body suit under the dress?

I’d like to say I won’t watch. We know this will be a train wreck full of trash. But... sigh... I’m weak. I’ll watch. I know I’ll watch.

Several years ago I lost a lot of weight during and after my divorce. I eventually gained 75% of it back and am just now getting back to losing again. After I gained back most of the weight I was listening to a song by a Christian group that has a line, “God's gotta change your heart before He changes your shirt.” It really hit home to me. I hadn’t changed the inside pieces of me that were responsible for my emotional eating. I simply worked out a lot and stress made me stop eating. When the stress lessened and I couldn’t go to gym on a regular basis anymore I went back to my old habits that I hadn’t addressed. I had successfully, yet only temporarily, changed my shirt, but my heart was still a mess. I wonder if Khloe can even work on her issues while dealing with a pimp for a mom and a cheater for a partner? I wonder if she even realizes she has issues or thinks it’s normal to obsess night and day about looks, body shape and size? I wonder if she’s unknowingly trying to win her mom’s approval after being the “big one” growing up? Ugh! Too much thinking about Kardashians! Must! Stop!

Preach @MyPeopleAreNordic! My oldest kiddo was complaining about needing a massage due to adjusting to carrying her backpack again. I counted years since I’ve had one and then added the number of years since a vacation for good measure. 11 & 13 years respectively. She couldn’t relate. Lol! (She travels with her dad a couple of times a year and he pays for a massage once or twice a year too.) I’d take half of one of the vacations these folks have been on.

That opening number stunk a skunky, unky stink. I enjoyed the girls group number much like last week’s yellow trench coat number. With reluctance and slight resentment I will give Jenna credit for choreographing a piece without a story for a change. The rest was simple nice dancing to me. Maybe I’m hard-hearted. I think Hannahlei is my pick, which is probably bad luck for her. She was the first dancer who’s name I learned because she stood out to me.

I still make those type of to do lists and my kids are teenagers. I really like marking things off. Even little things on a list make me feel better and take away the worry I’ll forget something I wanted to get done. The fact that Joy doesn’t have “move out of camper” written in red in all caps with multiple exclamation marks is an accomplishment in my opinion.

Every time I see an update in this topic my first thought is here comes kid number six so any other news is almost positive in my opinion.

Everyone seems to be crowded in the large conference room for the Joe is beautiful convention. I’m sitting at the almost empty hotel bar agreeing with you completely. Come join me for drinks. Jorge is hiding out here too and he puts a tiny umbrella in whatever you order.

San Andreas. It was on tv and if a disaster movie is on tv and I click by it I’ll usually watch it no matter if I’ve seen it before, even multiple times. (Day After Tomorrow, World War Z, Deep Impact, etc.) Also. The Rock.

So she wears a string and a postage stamp and has a photo shoot of herself going down on a public water fountain. She puts the K in klassy. And I just realized that has the word ass in it which is hugely appropriate. At some point, when one of her kids is posting straight nudes at 14, will she question her contribution to it all? Oh who am I kidding. She’ll either (a) be trying to leverage the photos into money making opportunities to get her ten perfect or (b) feeling so desperate about the lack of attention paid to her she’ll bring Ray J back and attempt pathetic porn 2.0. Kanye can narrate and compare it to the first one. The family that porns together stays together.

Meh. Apathetic, indifferent, yawning meh. I don’t dislike Sam I just find him to be a big, doughy bag of boring F*ing Larry got to me talking about his family and being healed. I hope he adjusts more easily when he gets home. I enjoyed Britt more than any of them and am disappointed for him. Did we ever see the medical evac teased multiple times? Was this another wolf situation? Because what the larrying larry is up with that?!

I initially read that as Lisa Simpson and have been laughing for a good five minutes picturing different scenes of Dave and a cartoon headed Amber. Imagine cartoon head asking the wife friends about her insecurity. They could just get a different colored Sharpie and help her out.

I ding both men and women on vocal fry, uptalk, and filler words. I work with college age kids and it can be incredibly annoying. A graduate level man was using all three this week to the point I was mentally counting the “uhs” “likes” and statements ending in verbal question marks. Argghhh! I can’t stand Mia but Tristan lost some points with me this week for all the talk about the sex. Is he 12? Has he never done it before? I was waiting for him to giggle and whisper to the other guys that he got to touch boobs. I’m disappointed that Mama Tristan didn’t see through our unfriendly lying liar who lies. I know Mia has some scheme going though I’m not 100% sure what it is. Amber exhausts me. She’s all frayed nerves and insecurity. Dave may be contributing to this but I think this is her in her natural state. Her obsession with his celebrity crush was juvenile. Dave told her he was attracted to her. They are having the sex. She either needs to believe him or get therapy to help her overcome her insecurities because that much insecurity is an easy way to drive someone away. Personally I understand being attracted to a certain type. It’s not like I haven’t dated blonde guys, but I’m not initially attracted to them. I’ve dated shorter guys too but if you were to ask my type I’d say dark haired tall guys. It doesn’t mean I couldn’t care for or love a short blonde man. I thought Amber, being older, might know some of this stuff by now. Danielle and Bobby are surprisingly seeming almost normal. Although the bar with this show is mighty low. I wonder if they stand a chance. I appreciated their calm unwillingness to discuss the sex at the dinner table.

I’d love to see those two on my screen! In my Chris list they are Hot Chris (Hemsworth) and Handsome Chris (Pine). Yes, I'm dorky enough to have a Chris list. It includes Faithful Chris (Evans) and Funny Chris (Pratt). Roll all four of them together and they make my perfect man. If someone can create that as a clone or humanoid robot I have like $1,750 saved to put down as a deposit. I really have enjoyed the Star Treks with Pine as Kirk. I hope they can find a way to make it work. I loved Beyond and didn’t realize it had underperformed.

Did lovely Cat make somehow mad? Her hair was like something my kids would’ve worn in pre-school and her dress was something I’d pass over even on the sale rack at my local resale shop. That awful song full of long pauses and deep breathy sounds was a distraction from what might have been an okay routine. It’s... snowing... ... ... outside... my.... win... dow. Shut! Up! I rarely like disco and while I like the two participants who danced it this episode it was still a disco. Speaking of styles I didn’t like let me be a whiner and say that I didn’t like the stepping. How is it stepping with just two people and they’re dancing to music where we can’t hear anything? It definitely felt cheerleaderish to me. And more whining - I either love Bollywood or can not stand it. There’s no middle ground usually. This was in the can not stand category. I loved the smooth jazz. It was just pleasant to watch. I’ve been completely over jazz on this show seeming to be only about the sexy all the time. This was a wonderful change of pace.

I’m with your mom! As someone who had to bathe in a creek when I visited my grandparents I have a strong dislike for leeches. My cousins and I would put on our bathing suits and wade in. We thought it was fun and different not realizing at our age that my grandparents had limited water resources. We would pass around a bar of soap and bottle of shampoo. After dunking ourselves in the deeper parts to rinse off we would check each other for leeches. They usually were from our knees down if we had them. At least a couple of times I was the lucky winner. We had one uncle who was the designated leech remover. Ugh. If one was really stubborn he’d hold a lit match next to it. I have fond memories of my large pack of cousins and the creek. The leeches? Not so much. I can’t imagine eating them. *shivers*

Both herbs and a homeopathic remedy were suggested for me during the final month or two of my pregnancies. I also took herbs to help encourage labor. I used midwives for both of my children’s births. My decision was not religiously based, though I am a Christian, I’m just a pretty crunchy mama. I was blessed to have relatively easy labors with each kid although they were quite a bit different in size. I don’t know if that’s necessarily attributable to the natural remedies but I definitely don’t discount it. And neither of my midwives has Duggar style beliefs.