S14.E08: Namaste

[winsomeone]

Yes to the above! If being with their own culture is so important, then Will and Zoey need to be in homes with their own race I would think?

[Foghorn Leghorn]

^^^^what she said^^^^

[Libby]

I think that Bill and Jen want their children to be proud of their heritage but want them to be like them when it comes to the important things. I think that they have found a fun, nice balance on this.

They expose them to fun, superficial things from their countries of birth like food, outfits, a few words of the language, fun activities, and vacations to India and China.

When it comes to important things like religion, family dynamics, politics, belief systems, etc., they are raising the children to be like them, not Chinese or Indian.

Edited September 14, 2019 by Libby

[JocelynCavanaugh]

This show is not must-watch TV for me, but whenever I do catch up I really enjoy seeing what an interesting and self-possessed child Zoey has become. She’s so bright and funny and maybe a little bratty but not bad. It’s almost sad to see her and Will together just because she outshines him in every way, at least in my observation. He’s extremely immature and impulsive, and his obsession with food is not cute. He tries to emulate Zoey’s sass and just comes across as unpleasant. 

If this show were just Zoey, Bill, and some occasional extended family, I’d be fine. Jen isn’t a bad person or anything but I don’t enjoy her activities or find her interviews interesting. She reminds me of other high achievers I’ve known who weren’t necessarily gifted, but smarter than average, very driven, and intensely (almost aggressively) normal. She seems to want to do everything that a classic American family does, by the numbers, right down to the ghost stories around the campfire with flashlight under the chin as we saw in the previews. Nothing wrong with that but sometimes it seems a little forced. I think she might feel a little insecure about her lack of creativity, despite being successful in other ways.

She used to do a lot of things to make Zoey her little twin, like the tea parties and the obsession with the beach, but as Zoey has come into her own personality so strongly, Jen seems to have accepted this is a lost cause. Zoey is going to be a handful as a teenager, and I could see her bopping off to NYU or Berkeley and majoring in something very different from her parents’ sensible business and medicine pursuits. She’s going to be taking South Asian folklore, studying abroad, dating whoever she finds interesting, getting into activism, driving unglamorous cars, all kinds of stuff that Jen would never consider and Bill would never get around to. To their credit I don’t believe they’d discourage her (they don’t even discourage their kids from actual bad behavior, TBH); they’d just be bemused and try to keep up with her stories. 

As someone mentioned earlier, that dance recital was a pretty typical mess, to the point where I really couldn’t tell who was doing it right and who was off. Zoey seemed so self-assured and had such descriptive movements that I tend to think she was the only one doing the routine, but I’m obviously biased. One of the girls in the back was just kind of flailing around sluggishly with a derpy look on her face, so I think we can rule her out as the prima ballerina. Oops, sorry Zoey — Bollywood means dance that’s NOT ballet! 😅

I think Zoey’s exceptional self-awareness is the reason she’s hyperfocused on her Indian identity. She doesn’t have the life experience to contextualize ethnicity vs. nationality, but she likes to have a definition and a name for things, so that’s how she’s approaching being Indian. From what I’ve seen, she doesn’t randomly ask all brown people if they’re Indian. She asks people at Indian stores and Indian dance studios and Indian festivals if they were *born* in India, and that is a different question. She knows she’s different from her family and friends, and I don’t think she’s a sociopath with an attachment disorder, just a highly independent child who wants to understand how she fits in to her family and community. 

[Tikichick]

On 9/13/2019 at 12:17 PM, Absolom said:

For sure the show makes drama out of very little.  I was surprised when Jen was saying something like Zoey had been taking dance for quite awhile - 2 months.  That is nothing in dance and many studios wouldn't let a child start dance that close to recital.  Being featured on TV may have influenced the decision.  When Zoey was dancing at home she appeared to be following a video on the TV.  

For young kids in dance it's common for parents to come in and film a class run through of their recital number in the weeks before performance so that the child can practice at home.  The video Zoey was watching appeared to be just that.

When our daughters were younger I wasn't available for filming week and had to send my husband in for a jazz class for our youngest daughter.  I told him to film the teacher, not our daughter because our daughter didn't have the choreo in hand quite yet.  My husband was having a fit, assuming the teacher was going to think he was being inappropriate, coming in and turning his camera onto the pretty, young teacher.  No, no, dear, that's basically what all the parents are going to be doing.  He still wasn't happy being the only dad in the room filming.  

[Tikichick]

3 hours ago, winsomeone said:

Yes to the above! If being with their own culture is so important, then Will and Zoey need to be in homes with their own race I would think?

Unfortunately I don't think there was a line formed of people waiting to adopt Will and Zoey.  How wonderful that the parents that did show up were ready, willing and able to pour heart and soul into giving them the very best lives they could in every single way they can think of, and are willing to learn about whatever they need to along the way.

[Absolom]

17 minutes ago, Tikichick said:

For young kids in dance it's common for parents to come in and film a class run through of their recital number in the weeks before performance so that the child can practice at home.  The video Zoey was watching appeared to be just that.

It certainly is common.  I've done it myself as do most parents of young dancers.

[floridamom]

Thanks to all who read my comment and responded accordingly. I also noticed in that episode that Zoe seems to like Indian people better than she likes Will and Jen. (Again sorry to type this but I see her wanting to connect in a better way to people of Indian heritage more than she APPEARS to want to connect with her own parents). It was quite noticeable to me when Zoe was speaking to the sales lady in the Indian store. She wanted to spend more time with her and engage. This is what I noticed. What do you all think?

[Foghorn Leghorn]

I tend to agree re Zoey with that sales lady and their awesome connection!  Zoey would have gone home with her if given the chance as she is thirsty for anything Indian right now!  It was cute.  We don’t hear as much from Will when it comes to his heritage although the show was about the recital for Zoey.  It was nice to hear Will tell her in the TH she was a good dancer.  Rewatching that video of the dance paid off for Zoey who looked like she had it down pretty well!

[Kohola3]

3 hours ago, floridamom said:

This is what I noticed. What do you all think?

I think anything of interest to a kid at that age is going to get her attention.  But at home she doesn't seem to obsess about the people that she's meeting or talk about them. Home is home with her parents. Seeing Indian folks in different venues allows her to ask questions and move on.

Edited September 14, 2019 by Kohola3

[Honey]

On 9/12/2019 at 11:20 PM, Foghorn Leghorn said:

Jen wasn’t that calm when dealing with Zoey’s bleeding head after falling on the  fireplace hearth a few years back...she appeared bewildered then and not in charge of the situation.  

I saw that differently than you.  She held a cloth to her head and determined if she would need stitches.  At no time did she appear bewildered, in my opinion she was very calm.

Edited September 15, 2019 by Honey

[Honey]

8 hours ago, floridamom said:

Thanks to all who read my comment and responded accordingly. I also noticed in that episode that Zoe seems to like Indian people better than she likes Will and Jen. (Again sorry to type this but I see her wanting to connect in a better way to people of Indian heritage more than she APPEARS to want to connect with her own parents). It was quite noticeable to me when Zoe was speaking to the sales lady in the Indian store. She wanted to spend more time with her and engage. This is what I noticed. What do you all think?

She may have wanted to talk with her a bit longer, but given the choice she would always choose to go home with her family.

Zoey would not be such a confidant, secure and happy child if she didn't feel completely safe and loved at home.  The Zoey they adopted was absolutely terrified, and she HATED Bill for months.  They have done an amazing job of providing her with exactly what she needed to become the Zoey she is today.

[Kohola3]

10 hours ago, Honey said:

I saw that differently than you.  She held a cloth to her head and determined if she would need stitches.  At no time did she appear bewildered, in my opinion she was very calm.

As a retired ER nurse, I totally agree.  She was absolutely fine and certainly much better than the (understandably) hysterical parents I normally saw.

[JennyMominFL]

20 hours ago, floridamom said:

Thanks to all who read my comment and responded accordingly. I also noticed in that episode that Zoe seems to like Indian people better than she likes Will and Jen. (Again sorry to type this but I see her wanting to connect in a better way to people of Indian heritage more than she APPEARS to want to connect with her own parents). It was quite noticeable to me when Zoe was speaking to the sales lady in the Indian store. She wanted to spend more time with her and engage. This is what I noticed. What do you all think?

Zoe is already connected to her parents. Connecting to her Indian heritage requires more work as it is not as immediately available. She is going to grab on to any chances she has to connect with that.

Edited September 15, 2019 by JennyMominFL

[humbleopinion]

Luckily, Bill's tunic wasn't going to be tailored and ready to be worn to the recital...he would have stuck out like a sore thumb...enough with the shopping....

Zoey wanting to grow her hair out has influenced Jen to grow her hair out...

Miss Zoey knows her mind.

Zoey rules the Klein/Arnold household.

[Libby]

It appears to me that the Kleins have worked out a lot of the kinks that they had going on previously.

Jen seems calm and relaxed. She's not nearly as up tight as she used to be. The children are much better behaved this season.

I don't see the Bill/Will, Jen/Zoey divide that was so pronounced in previous seasons. Will seems to like Jen now and Jen doesn't seem to favor Zoey like she did before. Whatever was going on between Jen and Will seems to be a thing of the past.

I don't know if they got family counseling or if they are working things out on their own, but things seem to be going much better.

[humbleopinion]

Agreed.

Jen's annoying nervous giggle is less this season

Jen is not pushing the "Zoey and I are so alike" agenda  as much.

Will has gotten more respectful of his mother.

Jen is really more in her element as a professional and Bill can helm the home.

Oy vey with the constant buying....

[JocelynCavanaugh]

I wonder if the connection Zoey seemed to have with the woman at the Indian clothing store was just about her being Indian, or also her manner with Zoey. She was calm and natural with her, picked up on her interest in speaking Indian languages, and gave her a simple lesson that made Zoey feel like she was really speaking Hindi and Gujarati(?) for a moment. (I really hope her parents follow up on that, BTW.  Learning Indian dance is great but learning a second language is invaluable, and so much easier when the kid is still young!)

Bill is a laid-back “fun dad,” and Jen is kind of awkward with her kids even now. She goes into the high-pitched voice you normally hear from people who don’t work in pediatrics and have two kids of their own. She’s nice to her kids and usually not too hyper, but the woman at the store had a certain warmth and ease that seemed to draw Zoey in. I’m not saying Z wishes she could leave the Arnold-Klein home and live with this lady, just that it was an unexpectedly sweet moment during a shopping trip staged for the cameras. I have no doubt that Bill and Jen provide a good life for their children, but there’s no harm in bringing other good influences into their lives and allowing them to feel connected to both their family and their cultures of origin (which is obviously why they were at the store in the first place). 

[humbleopinion]

Zoey will just take it upon herself to find a local  family that will teach her immersion Hindi, where she spends a couple afternoons with language lessons then she plays and eats dinner with the family speaking only Hindi.

She is smart as a whip and motivated...hope she does learn Hindi.

[readheaded]

4 hours ago, JennyMominFL said:

Zoe is already connected to her parents. Connecting to her Indian heritage requires more work as it is not as immediately available. She is going to grab on to any chances she has to connect with that.

I see it the same way and think it's awesome that Bill and Jen encourage her to connect with people of Indian heritage and aren't threatened by it.  

2 hours ago, JocelynCavanaugh said:

I wonder if the connection Zoey seemed to have with the woman at the Indian clothing store was just about her being Indian, or also her manner with Zoey. She was calm and natural with her, picked up on her interest in speaking Indian languages, and gave her a simple lesson that made Zoey feel like she was really speaking Hindi and Gujarati(?) for a moment. (I really hope her parents follow up on that, BTW.  Learning Indian dance is great but learning a second language is invaluable, and so much easier when the kid is still young!)

Bill is a laid-back “fun dad,” and Jen is kind of awkward with her kids even now. She goes into the high-pitched voice you normally hear from people who don’t work in pediatrics and have two kids of their own. She’s nice to her kids and usually not too hyper, but the woman at the store had a certain warmth and ease that seemed to draw Zoey in. I’m not saying Z wishes she could leave the Arnold-Klein home and live with this lady, just that it was an unexpectedly sweet moment during a shopping trip staged for the cameras. I have no doubt that Bill and Jen provide a good life for their children, but there’s no harm in bringing other good influences into their lives and allowing them to feel connected to both their family and their cultures of origin (which is obviously why they were at the store in the first place). 

Not to mention that it's always wonderful when our kids can be the recipients of the kindnesses of strangers.  🙂 

[RebeccatheWriter]

On 9/14/2019 at 11:30 AM, Libby said:

I think that Bill and Jen want their children to be proud of their heritage but want them to be like them when it comes to the important things. I think that they have found a fun, nice balance on this.

They expose them to fun, superficial things from their countries of birth like food, outfits, a few words of the language, fun activities, and vacations to India and China.

When it comes to important things like religion, family dynamics, politics, belief systems, etc., they are raising the children to be like them, not Chinese or Indian.

Given the depth of topics like politics, religion, etc., it is hard to find age appropriate ways to introduce that with international adoption. Honestly, I don't know how I will address it with my daughters when they are older. However, I can appreciate that they do introduce some safe ways to talk about diversity with their children. Most kids who are adopted from another country have that defining moment when they recognize they look different from everyone else immediately around them. It is also a hard moment/phase when they try to piece together the idea that someone "didn't want them." 

Those have been my primary reasons for sharing or overdoing it when it comes to my daughters' culture. I want them to feel connected to something related to their origin. They aren't stupid and will eventually realize fully that blue eyed, light brown haired mommy isn't actually related to them by blood. There was also a fear in me that they would feel abandoned and that might manifest itself with the idea that everyone from that culture feels that way too. 

It's a fine line. I'm sure with Bill and Jen, the issue is compounded by the fact that the kids are smaller in stature. No doubt at some point Zoey and Will will want to know if that was a factor in their birth parents not wanting or not being able to raise them. My younger daughter got in trouble in class for not being on task. She was very upset about it and came home with tears in her eyes about being called out. She asked me if she was "given to the orphanage" because she had been bad as a baby. Talk about breaking my heart. 

In turn I have boxes of pictures, souvenirs, and letters from their birth mother and father to share with the girls as they get older. 

[nutella fitzgerald]

Does anyone else think Zoey’s curiosity about other people from India might have been accelerated by the family trip to China? Until that point, Zoey had become accustomed to being part of a sibling pair that doesn’t look like anyone else in the family. Then they all go to China, where not only is Zoey now the only one who doesn’t have anyone around who looks like her, but her partner in crime is now surrounded by people who resemble him more closely. At this point in the show, they hadn’t returned to India for a visit, so I think it makes sense that Zoey would be particularly curious when she saw an Indian person, rather than asking questions as a way to express her distaste for her Caucasian parents. 

[readheaded]

54 minutes ago, nutella fitzgerald said:

Does anyone else think Zoey’s curiosity about other people from India might have been accelerated by the family trip to China? Until that point, Zoey had become accustomed to being part of a sibling pair that doesn’t look like anyone else in the family. Then they all go to China, where not only is Zoey now the only one who doesn’t have anyone around who looks like her, but her partner in crime is now surrounded by people who resemble him more closely. At this point in the show, they hadn’t returned to India for a visit, so I think it makes sense that Zoey would be particularly curious when she saw an Indian person, rather than asking questions as a way to express her distaste for her Caucasian parents. 

I don't get the sense that she has distaste for her Caucasian parents.

[Kohola3]

2 hours ago, readheaded said:

I don't get the sense that she has distaste for her Caucasian parents.

Neither do I.  Questioning about one's heritage doesn't necessarily mean that you don't love the parents you have!. 

Have you experienced anything like this  @RebeccatheWriter?

Edited September 17, 2019 by Kohola3
asking an expert

[Libby]

1 hour ago, Kohola3 said:

Neither do I.  Questioning about one's heritage doesn't necessarily mean that you don't love the parents you have!. 

Have you experienced anything like this  @RebeccatheWriter?

I don't think that Zoey is even questioning about her heritage. I think that way too much is being made of Zoey talking to a few people of Indian descent.  I think that it's as simple as her parents told her that she's from India. Consequently, when she sees people that are Indian, she enjoys chatting with them. I don't think that this has any bearing on her feelings about her parents or her place in the world or anything else.

Edited September 17, 2019 by Libby

[libgirl2]

On 9/14/2019 at 5:15 PM, Kohola3 said:

I think anything of interest to a kid at that age is going to get her attention.  But at home she doesn't seem to obsess about the people that she's meeting or talk about them. Home is home with her parents. Seeing Indian folks in different venues allows her to ask questions and move on.

During the "Frozen" hysteria our library had one of the characters (the blonde one) show up and I think there were some little girls who would have willingly left their families behind to leave with her. 

1 hour ago, Libby said:

I don't think that Zoey is even questioning about her heritage. I think that way too much is being made of Zoey talking to a few people of Indian descent.  I think that it's as simple as her parents told her that she's from India. Consequently, when she sees people that are Indian, she enjoys chatting with them. I don't think that this has any bearing on her feelings about her parents or her place in the world or anything else.

I'm sure she is awfully curious. And remember everyone, we are only seeing a fraction of what is going on in their lives. 

[libgirl2]

On 9/14/2019 at 12:32 PM, Tikichick said:

Unfortunately I don't think there was a line formed of people waiting to adopt Will and Zoey.  How wonderful that the parents that did show up were ready, willing and able to pour heart and soul into giving them the very best lives they could in every single way they can think of, and are willing to learn about whatever they need to along the way.

Yes, staying with their "own race" could have meant staying in an orphanage and also not getting the surgeries and medical care they require.  They are so fortunate to have found Bill and Jen and vice versa. Given this great opportunity at a good life, I wait to see what kind of an impact they will make on the lives of others. 

[winsomeone]

There are several other families on TV who are dwarfs and have adopted dwarf children, so I am not sure that Zoey would have been left in the orphanage for life. What most likely is the stumbling block for anyone wanting to adopt a child from a different country, is the $30,00-$40,000 and more asking price. Do children adopted from this country cost that much too? I don't like this, as it makes it seem as though these kids are being sold, and it also limits the families that can afford to "buy" them. Something seems very wrong? I have heard that people desperate for a child will even adopt ones with very severe handicaps? Two families close to where I live adopted kids from South Korea. Each had to pay close to $40,000. 

[Kohola3]

7 minutes ago, winsomeone said:

There are several other families on TV who are dwarfs and have adopted dwarf children, so I am not sure that Zoey would have been left in the orphanage for life. 

She would have been in India. Not only was she "handicapped" she was a girl.  No way she'd have made it out of there if the Klein's hadn't gotten her.   Will would have been in the same boat. 

Their own challenges made it extremely difficult to adopt a child from the US as well.  

Those kids are very, very lucky.

[SMama]

1 hour ago, Kohola3 said:

Those kids are very, very lucky.

When people say that to us our reply is that we are the lucky ones. We would joke if SBaby was lucky she’d be with Brad and Angelina. Of course that was before their divorce. 😁 That response is no longer in our repertoire.

@Kohola3, thank you for understanding. 

[Vickismom]

6 hours ago, winsomeone said:

There are several other families on TV who are dwarfs and have adopted dwarf children, so I am not sure that Zoey would have been left in the orphanage for life. What most likely is the stumbling block for anyone wanting to adopt a child from a different country, is the $30,00-$40,000 and more asking price. Do children adopted from this country cost that much too? I don't like this, as it makes it seem as though these kids are being sold, and it also limits the families that can afford to "buy" them. Something seems very wrong? I have heard that people desperate for a child will even adopt ones with very severe handicaps? Two families close to where I live adopted kids from South Korea. Each had to pay close to $40,000. 

My cousin and his wife are pursuing a domestic adoption and were told it cost around $60,000 after all is said and done. So yes it costs that much and maybe even more!

Edited September 18, 2019 by Vickismom
Spelling and punctuation

[PrincessPurrsALot]

People,

BE CIVIL.  This is the main rule at Primetimer. Be civil to fellow posters.  Respectful discussions are fine. Sniping and attacks are not.  If you want educate someone, do so without attacking.  

[SMama]

My daughter was born in China, And we were fortunate to meet her when she was sixteen months old.  The bulk of the money went to the adoption agency and good ole US government. Also, spending two and a half weeks in China (airfare, lodging, food, etc.) is not cheap. Especially in our case where our agency was able to get us out to meet our child two weeks after we received the referral.  It usually takes six weeks (or it did when SBaby came home), we didn’t have the luxury to shop around much as traveling is contingent on when you are expected.  Once you apply for a visa the Chinese government decides your travel dates, when you meet your child, schedules the US embassy swearing in, and the places you will tour. Fun fact, the embassy personnel came to us because one child had chicken pox.  That is another expense families must prepare for financially. If you are quarantined, it’s going to cost a mint.

You may want to research US private adoption where the fees are sometimes higher than international adoption.  My group used to call the process the baby Olympics. Couples showing their regular, summer and winter homes. As far as foster care, after working as a CPS social worker there is no way in hades we would have pursued an adoption.

We all have our reasons for how we decide to grow our families. Every situation is unique and no one has to answer for their choices.  IIRC Jen and Bill stated more than once that they looked into adopting in the US, but they wanted dwarf children, they thought they had something to offer. They stated that thankfully there aren’t many for adoption domestically.  They were on the waiting list with Little People of America, and nothing.

 SGirl (she is twelve years old) has enriched our lives, we are so lucky to have been trusted with her upbringing, and will do anything to protect her. I’m confident Bill and Jen feel the same way.

[RebeccatheWriter]

23 hours ago, Kohola3 said:

Neither do I.  Questioning about one's heritage doesn't necessarily mean that you don't love the parents you have!. 

Have you experienced anything like this  @RebeccatheWriter?

My kids do the opposite. Their friends all tend to be white, blonde, and blue eyed (as a Jewish woman it is disconcerting to have a slumber party and there is this sea of blonde). So far my kids questioning is more about why do they look different or why do people ask if they have accents (they learned to speak from me so no ethnic accent here).

They have very straight, thick hair that is traditional with a lot of Asian people. I have straight hair too, but many of my friends have curls and waves. They always want me to curl their hair. 

Other people can make big deals out of their heritage. It's not always mean, but it is present. They want to know when they came here. They want to know about the accent thing. Do they eat Chinese food? Are they going to be gymnasts? Do they speak another language? People will also speak louder to them, thinking they don't understand English well. It's very amusing and frustrating. My older daughter said they were reading a book in class the other day where the main character was from China. Everyone in the class turned and looked at my daughter. 

When my girls were a little younger than Zoey they were all about same and different things. They liked to put things into groups. I'm talking lumping all the fruit in one shopping cart and wanting to get another for vegetables. I had to come up with reasons we were only using one cart or it would have been like a caravan.

While they were shy around people, they did look and notice someone who might look like them. The agency I used said it was pretty normal and that kids like to feel like they belong even for superficial reasons. 

My older daughter would whisper to me, "She looks like me." And I would answer yes. Then she would whisper, "She's Asian too." It was just a clarifying point not a big deal to her. She was trying to fit it all together in her head. 
 

16 hours ago, Vickismom said:

My cousin and his wife are pursuing a domestic adoption and were told it cost around $60,000 after all is said and done. So yes it costs that much and maybe even more!

Domestic adoption can be just as expensive. A friend of mine and her husband adopted a newborn from Arizona. You end up paying, just like international, for home studies, reports, evaluations, etc. The added expense for international is that all of those are translated into the country's language. However, with domestic (private) adoption, you can end up paying for the birth mother's prenatal healthcare and expenses. 

I didn't have to pay for healthcare but with my oldest there were concerns about disabilities and illness (she was very premature). I had to hire a doctor to do an evaluation over something like Skype to ensure that she was healthy enough to travel and that any disability was something I could work with given my skills and abilities. 

My younger daughter was a little over a year later. Some of the paperwork was able to carry over, saving me money. 

Cheapest seems to be adopting through foster care, but even that can be time consuming and hard to pull off sometimes. Another friend and his wife adopted two girls (9 and 11) through foster care. It took almost 10 months for the judge to clear the oldest for adoption. It was ridiculous since they are biological. Why was one determined free for adoption (no parental rights) and the other was pending? 

[SMama]

5 hours ago, RebeccatheWriter said:

My kids do the opposite. Their friends all tend to be white, blonde, and blue eyed (as a Jewish woman it is disconcerting to have a slumber party and there is this sea of blonde). So far my kids questioning is more about why do they look different or why do people ask if they have accents (they learned to speak from me so no ethnic accent here).

They have very straight, thick hair that is traditional with a lot of Asian people. I have straight hair too, but many of my friends have curls and waves. They always want me to curl their hair. 

Other people can make big deals out of their heritage. It's not always mean, but it is present. They want to know when they came here. They want to know about the accent thing. Do they eat Chinese food? Are they going to be gymnasts? Do they speak another language? People will also speak louder to them, thinking they don't understand English well. It's very amusing and frustrating. My older daughter said they were reading a book in class the other day where the main character was from China. Everyone in the class turned and looked at my daughter. 

When my girls were a little younger than Zoey they were all about same and different things. They liked to put things into groups. I'm talking lumping all the fruit in one shopping cart and wanting to get another for vegetables. I had to come up with reasons we were only using one cart or it would have been like a caravan.

While they were shy around people, they did look and notice someone who might look like them. The agency I used said it was pretty normal and that kids like to feel like they belong even for superficial reasons. 

My older daughter would whisper to me, "She looks like me." And I would answer yes. Then she would whisper, "She's Asian too." It was just a clarifying point not a big deal to her. She was trying to fit it all together in her head. 
 

Domestic adoption can be just as expensive. A friend of mine and her husband adopted a newborn from Arizona. You end up paying, just like international, for home studies, reports, evaluations, etc. The added expense for international is that all of those are translated into the country's language. However, with domestic (private) adoption, you can end up paying for the birth mother's prenatal healthcare and expenses. 

I didn't have to pay for healthcare but with my oldest there were concerns about disabilities and illness (she was very premature). I had to hire a doctor to do an evaluation over something like Skype to ensure that she was healthy enough to travel and that any disability was something I could work with given my skills and abilities. 

My younger daughter was a little over a year later. Some of the paperwork was able to carry over, saving me money.

I used to worry about SGirl not being curious enough about her looks.  We have settled on thinking that is because I’m Puerto Rican, with very curly hair, and SBaba is Caucasian, has blue eyes, and his hair is not straight or curly. It’s a weird in the middle. SGirl’s hair is fine and straight.  

I started telling SBaby her “story” the day we met. We bought the book I Love You Like Crazy Cakes, and used that as a guideline. I started with very simple language and adjusted accordingly to our situation, and her developmental stage. The earlier we tackle a subject, the easier it becomes to address.  By the time SBaby could talk she pretty much had her story down. She knew what a NICU was by age four. SGirl still asks me to tell her story, and I tease that nothing has changed. Yet she somehow finds comfort in knowing we chose to adopt (we have a bio son), that we wanted a girl, and all the other things we had to do to bring her home.

I  read a lot of blogs during our wait (and after), and kids as young as three years old had asked about why they look different and about their biological families. I have tried to talk to SGirl many times about there being a biological family in China, and that family may include a sibling. She has no interest whatsoever and I have given up. What bothers me is that she is so intellectually curious. She reads a lot about China, looks for pictures, and has an excellent knowledge of the culture. The same about Puerto Rico, she eats things I had not even tried until she asked, and loves Parque de Bombas (oldest firehouse in the island). SGirl has grilled us about our families, making us laugh when she pointed out that “Baba’s family all look the same, Mama’s family is like a rainbow.”  That led to a talk about Puerto Rico’s racial makeup.  Sorry about the long winded post, all this to say that her lack of curiosity about her biological family really puzzles me.

Thanks for explaining the cost of translating the paperwork. Maybe the amount we spent on that and FedEx overnight delivery fees has made me block the experience.  

Kids are wondrous creatures, as different as snowflakes.  It’s so interesting to hear (or read) about how they process their unique experience.

Edited September 18, 2019 by SMama
Verbs matter.

[RebeccatheWriter]

20 hours ago, SMama said:

I used to worry about SGirl not being curious enough about her looks.  We have settled on thinking that is because I’m Puerto Rican, with very curly hair, and SBaba is Caucasian, has blue eyes, and his hair is not straight or curly. It’s a weird in the middle. SGirl’s hair is fine and straight.  

I started telling SBaby her “story” the day we met. We bought the book I Love You Like Crazy Cakes, and used that as a guideline. I started with very simple language and adjusted accordingly to our situation, and her developmental stage. The earlier we tackle a subject, the easier it becomes to address.  By the time SBaby could talk she pretty much had her story down. She knew what a NICU was by age four. SGirl still asks me to tell her story, and I tease that nothing has changed. Yet she somehow finds comfort in knowing we chose to adopt (we have a bio son), that we wanted a girl, and all the other things we had to do to bring her home.

I  read a lot of blogs during our wait (and after), and kids as young as three years old had asked about why they look different and about their biological families. I have tried to talk to SGirl many times about there being a biological family in China, and that family may include a sibling. She has no interest whatsoever and I have given up. What bothers me is that she is so intellectually curious. She reads a lot about China, looks for pictures, and has an excellent knowledge of the culture. The same about Puerto Rico, she eats things I had not even tried until she asked, and loves Parque de Bombas (oldest firehouse in the island). SGirl has grilled us about our families, making us laugh when she pointed out that “Baba’s family all look the same, Mama’s family is like a rainbow.”  That led to a talk about Puerto Rico’s racial makeup.  Sorry about the long winded post, all this to say that her lack of curiosity about her biological family really puzzles me.

Thanks for explaining the cost of translating the paperwork. Maybe the amount we spent on that and FedEx overnight delivery fees has made me block the experience.  

Kids are wondrous creatures, as different as snowflakes.  It’s so interesting to hear (or read) about how they process their unique experience.

My oldest loves to tell the story of her sister's adoption. She will tell you about the airplane and the hotel with the pool inside (big deal to her). When it comes to the actual moment we met her, she remembers nothing. When you ask my younger daughter about how we became a family, she says, "Mom, grandma, and my sister got on a plane. They picked me up." As a writer, I have a little issue with their storytelling abilities. 

[SMama]

Well, pools ARE a big deal. Look at a Will and Zoey. There is plenty of time for them to become great story tellers and writers.  😎