S09.E09: One Month Down, Never to Go

[Drogo]

The couples reach a huge milestone in their marriages, their one-month anniversaries; with the experiment at the halfway point, this could be a day to remember or a day some of them will want to forget.

[gonecrackers]

JamieO's extensions seem to be growing.

Matt needs longer pants.

Liz is ripping Matt while her boobs are hanging out; very impactful.

[Auntie]

So DaddyBeth goes off on Matt saying "How can you treat somebody like that?"  Umm, excuse me. How the HELL did YOU TREAT JAMIE last week, you moron......Just when I think you can't get any dumber or more annoying, there you go - proving me wrong.

[gonecrackers]

Liz on Unfiltered is totally being the 'lady' her MIL had hoped for. 🙄

[Ohwell]

So I'm assuming all of these Unfiltered episodes are filmed on the same day because Elizabeth is still wearing that same pink slutty dress and she's been on at least three times.  

[gonecrackers]

Iris confirms she's "participated in oral sex" & that she & Keith are "getting to know each other".

[Mercolleen]

Brought my laptop to my parents' house for the chat. My mom is the only person in the house willing to watch with me. Taking bets on how many minutes she will last.

[Kareem]

Geez, did Jamie have a few extra espressos tonight or what...

[AussieBabe]

I’m here and ready to play the shot game. Drinking game phrases are strangers, virginity, crazy, any time there are tears, and anytime Elizabeth uses profanity. Thank 

[Soup333]

😂😂

[gonecrackers]

  On 8/8/2019 at 12:34 AM, AussieBabe said:

I’m here and ready to play the shot game. Drinking game phrases are strangers, virginity, crazy, any time there are tears, and anytime Elizabeth uses profanity. Thank 

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Hope you have an ambulance in the driveway.

[Mercolleen]

Mmm, I love drinking "outside stuff"!

[Gem 10]

I am dumbfounded.  Just now on Unfiltered, Jamie asked Iris if she ever did oral sex, and Iris replied, “yes, I have done oral sex”.  I can hardly say the words, and they all talk about it like it’s nothing.  I just can’t.  If she has done that, then why not go all the way?  I am even ashamed to talk about it.  I’m not a prude, but I think that would be ultra private?  Or I am a square and not with the times?

[AussieBabe]

  On 8/8/2019 at 12:35 AM, gonecrackers said:

Hope you have an ambulance in the driveway.

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It won’t be that bad, right? Surely, it has to be better this far into the series.

[gonecrackers]

  On 8/8/2019 at 12:37 AM, AussieBabe said:

It won’t be that bad, right? Surely, it has to be better this far into the series.

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So far, not so good...

[meligator]

Pastor Cal, letting Deonna know she's in love and she doesn't know how she really feels.

[Gem 10]

Does Jamie think she’s Helen of Troy?  The fake hair keeps getting longer and longer as the weeks go by.

[AussieBabe]

  On 8/8/2019 at 12:36 AM, Gem 10 said:

I am dumbfounded.  Just now on Unfiltered, Jamie asked Iris if she ever did oral sex, and Iris replied, “yes, I have done oral sex”.  I can hardly say the words, and they all talk about it like it’s nothing.  I just can’t.  If she has done that, then why not go all the way?  I am even ashamed to talk about it.  I’m not a prude, but I think that would be ultra private?  Or I am a square and not with the times?

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That would be private to me. Openly admitting that and crying about just talking about her virginity last week? Either she’s acting/following the storyline, they’ve already gotten it in like Kate/Luke and are lying, or she’s a whole plant. 

[Brooklynista]

Ha! Amber heard us calling her a schlub.

[Ohwell]

  On 8/8/2019 at 12:43 AM, Brooklynista said:

Ha! Amber heard us calling her a schlub.

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When she clomped out there in those heels I thought she was gonna hurt herself.  She's gone from one extreme to the other.

[Mercolleen]

When your mom asks "Is this the show?" when it comes back from commercial.

[Straycat80]

Well yeah Iris, your virginity is an issue because you are constantly talking about it. Virginity=drink. 

[Mercolleen]

NOOOOOOOOO please no guitar!!!!!!

ETA: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO it just got worse with singing!!!!

Edited August 8, 2019 by Mercolleen
Fresh new horrors

[VioletNevermind]

Regardless of whether or not Iris is full of shit, her mother is just wonderful.

[Soup333]

No matter what, I’ll love Greg forever. 

[VioletNevermind]

“I don’t know if it’s the fried pickles or the beer, but Deonna is doing great with PDA.”

- Words I never thought I’d hear.

[AussieBabe]

Can we fire all these experts and keep Iris’ mother?

[Koalagirl]

I think Iris’s mom should be hired as an expert.  Put the guitar down Matt - I heard enough bad singing and guitar playing on The Bachelorette!

[AussieBabe]

I’m still looking crazy at Iris’ swimwear. Sis, you were wearing cute stuff on your honeymoon so what’s with this up to the neck Adidas track suit of a swimsuit? 

Matt never needs to sing another note. Stopppp.

[PupCal]

Uh didn't they all go to where they got married last season? How is that "oh-so-original"?

[Mercolleen]

This episode is boring a little bit.

[Ohwell]

So Iris has been handing out free BJ's and gawd knows what else, yet Keith still has no idea when, or if, he'll ever get a chance to crack the safe.  Riiiiiight.  Iris is full of shit. 

And Deonna:  STOP IT with that gawdawful baby voice!  It is not cute.

[Mercolleen]

"Just make sure you tell me you're alive." - Recipe for a perfect marriage

[Ohwell]

Jamie always looks like he's thinking of stuffing Elizabeth's body in a wall. 

[gonecrackers]

Amber, geez, such high expectations.

[Auntie]

  On 8/8/2019 at 1:17 AM, Ohwell said:

Jamie always looks like he's thinking of stuffing Elizabeth's body in a wall. 

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Hell, I'd drive to Charlotte to help him do that.....

[Gem 10]

  On 8/8/2019 at 12:50 AM, Straycat80 said:

Well yeah Iris, your virginity is an issue because you are constantly talking about it. Virginity=drink. 

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I am so sick and tired of the word virginity. Who gives a shit.  That guy Keith is here for another reason I suspect.  Iris .. STFU and sit down.  You are getting real annoying.

[Straycat80]

A Sandy sighting, best part of the episode so far. 

[Ohwell]

Ugh, Deonna.  I hate it when someone goads you into eating something you don't want to eat.  Greg was nice eating that octopus. 

[gonecrackers]

Amber in her dresses & high heels looks like a little girl playing dress up.

[VioletNevermind]

Jesus, Deonna.  Do you know how many women would appreciate your husband’s ease with intimacy?  You anger me, madame. 

[Soup333]

Greg is THE cutest. 

What the hell noises is Iris making? 😳😬 

[Mercolleen]

  On 8/8/2019 at 1:27 AM, Suzy Rhapsody said:

Jesus, Deonna.  Do you know how many women would appreciate your husband’s ease with intimacy?  You anger me, madame. 

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I would let Greg touch my butt.

[AussieBabe]

Deonna wears me out. Some women would appreciate a man who lets them know he is attracted to them, doesn’t mind morning breath/eye crust, touch their bum, etc. Has she never heard of morning loving and starting the day off on a high note? 

[LennieBriscoe]

Matt is really shovelin' it at their dinner tonight, knowwhutImean, Vern?

Apparently Iris missed the perfect opportunity for some cross-over lingo. She should have said, "Yes, I did the BJ!"

Edited August 8, 2019 by LennieBriscoe

[VioletNevermind]

Holy shit.  Keith is a Prince fan.  I knew I liked him.  (Look at my profile picture.  Yes, those are Prince’s eyes.  Yes, I colored the irises purple.  Forgive the emojis, but . . . 💜☔️)

Signed,

Suzy Rhapsody, Still In Mourning

Edited August 8, 2019 by Suzy Rhapsody

[Gem 10]

  On 8/8/2019 at 1:29 AM, Mercolleen said:

I would let Greg touch my butt.

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Greg could only touch her butt once every other month.  That’s enough for her.  Is it enough for him?  He looks like he is getting antsy.  Actually, he is looking the fool.

[Adeejay]

Greg, sweetie, it wasn’t the fried pickles and beer that was turning Deonna on, but rather the thought of your beautiful four bedroom home complete with a porch, deck and huge yard. 

[Kareem]

I think I would like Iris and Deonna if they never uttered a word. Ever.  I expect crazy from the other two and they don’t disappoint.  

[Mercolleen]

My mom wants Matt to close his mouth. That has been her only comment so far.

ETA: Oh god now he is singing. PLEASE CLOSE YOUR MOUTH IMMEDIATELY.

ETAA: Did one of the "song" writers for the show make that?

Edited August 8, 2019 by Mercolleen