Jump to content

Type keyword(s) to search

S14.E07: Auditions 6


  • Reply
  • Start Topic

Recommended Posts

(edited)

I may just be overtired because I'm sick and woke up coughing at 4:17 this morning, but Tambourine Man cracked me up. 

At the same time...I did not need to see that...but I'm still giggling...he's kind of adorable in his way...

Show, please stop cutting to Julianne with her mouth hanging open during every act.

Also, Julianne, please stop talking to everyone like they're five years old. And stop dancing and sit your ass down.

I found her especially annoyingly distracting tonight. (I might be a little cranky.)

I could have used a lot more of the French couple and Matthew Richardson (they're all so pretty) and a lot less of a few of the others.

Edited by ams1001
  • Love 3
Link to comment
(edited)

I've missed a lot of the show tonight, but did get the "pleasure" of seeing Kara-with-a-K, who might be the LEAST funny comic this show has ever featured; I'd easily rather see Jackie (Not-So)Fabulous again or even another "Trailer Nasty" set before having to be subjected to more Kara-with-a-K. Ugh...

Edited by kickedinthehead
  • LOL 1
  • Love 6
Link to comment
(edited)

Julieanne fits right in with choosing a singer for the Golden Buzzer. Howie already has to remind us theres only 7 spots and its only the commercial.

Brad Paisley, Jay Leno, Ellie Kemper, and Dwayne Wade for the guest judges this year.

Brad seems to be the first one. AGT Wiki says Dwayne is second dunno who of Jay and Ellie goes third.

Edited by anthonyd46
  • Love 1
Link to comment

With the amount of mental anguish and physical suffering episodes like this imbue in me, it's worth having a discussion regarding the legality of euthanasia - this being the last episode of auditions, my condition may subside, but don't throw out the pamphlets just yet 😓

Gonzo - My facial muscles showed signs of movement, though not necessarily into a smile. How pathetic that a reaction like that might be the highlight of the whole episode? Why are there so many foreign acts on an "American" show anyways?

Olivia Calderon - Since posters and programs of singers old enough to be my Mother line my bedroom walls, this act made me quite giddy. The song sounded like what you'd hear on a radio in the background of a telemundo show, so you can rest easy knowing that 100% of her concert tickets will remain available.

Marco & Elisa - After I quickly realized that she wasn't kissing that guy instead of me by accident, I kicked a hole in my TV and had to watch the rest of the show on my neighbor's set. That is of course a joke.

Duo MaintenanT - Ya know, maybe these acts don't win every year for the obvious reason that after you've seen one, it's boring as shit. Of course me voicing that opinion is only online, since the performers have muscles, I would give a standing ovation in person to avoid confrontation.

RA’ED - It was mildly amusing at how terrible it was, but it definitely did not need 10 minutes of build up.

Revolution Queens - I don't think it's a coincidence that the act dancing along to a song called The Beautiful People didn't contain any obese 50 year old women *hyuk. This was my favorite act of the night, which considering all the other garbage makes it sound like a low achievement, but it was a really good act on its own. The women being good looking is always a bonus, too.

The Sentimentalists - Fuck this garbage too. Every year there's a handful of these acts that get what seems like 40 minutes to go through the same tired routine.

Chris Klafford - Apparently he played in bars for ten years instead of coming on the show ten years ago, unless he stayed away just so he could have the sob story. He must not follow the show very closely because he'll be playing in bars, saloons, pubs, bed and breakfasts, inns, gentleman's establishments, wineries, etc. if he wins. Singing acts are always so boring, since it's just a matter of waiting for the first 2 seconds of their voice "yep they can sing" then nodding off into a state of semi consciousness until it's over.

Matthew Richardson - The extent of my gymnastic prowess is a drunken cartwheel while sober, but nonetheless this is the most boring and unimpressive sector of gymnastics. It looked like he was shrunken down and rolling around in his Mother's earring for what seemed like 5 minutes. So damn boring.

Robert Finley - Decent voice, but it wasn't very entertaining. Don't expect him to go on tour, since a stage dive at his age may be fatal.

Kara With A K - Apparently she's 37, which sounds half her age and a third of her BMI. I don't know how to accurately express how bad this was, since all acts to do with opera singing have taken up my creative synonyms. Food being the main subject is so terribly unfunny, yet all the women eat it up, no pun intended. Howie always acts like he is the gatekeeper of comedy ("not everyone can do it!"), yet he laughs at every comedian, no matter how terrible they are. It seemed Terry Crews had to be kicked in the balls off camera to elicit some sort of reaction as to not appear partial. Worst act of the season so far.

Luke Islam - This act was already off to a better start than usual, since none of his family members were ill and neither was he. Truth be told, I don't even remember the act after the introduction, because the show was so close to being over, I just naturally dissociated.

The show was a 0/10, I hate the auditions so much. That is not to say that the show itself will get better from here on out, since it's the same boring types of acts repeating themselves, but at least I will remember which acts are terrible and can complain about them in greater detail.

  • LOL 2
  • Love 2
Link to comment

This season is just a tired retread of everything done before, by both the judges Simon and Howie, and the new girls have done nothing to improve upon any deficits Mel B and Heidi may have had.  The acts are practically carbon copies of previous acts, with less actual talent to offer.  Boring and scraping the bottom of the barrel.  When the comedienne of the lineup makes you wish for Trailer Nasty to come back from Oceanside... at least Simon didn't feign a crush on Kara With A K.

What's with all the foreign acts?  Does America not have any more talent?

  • Love 1
Link to comment
(edited)
1 hour ago, PikaScrewChu said:

I feel like I've seen some variation of most of these acts since AGT started.

I was thinking about the few different types of acts. We have:

  • Singer
  • Choir
  • Dancing couple
  • Dancing team
  • Escape artist
  • Card magician
  • Mentalist
  • Knife thrower/arrow shooter
  • Quick change
  • Strange Japanese act (often scantily clad)
  • Cross dressing singer
  • Bad female comedian who makes fun of herself

Anything else? 

Edited by Superclam
  • Love 4
Link to comment
19 minutes ago, Superclam said:

I was thinking about the few different types of acts. We have:

  • Singer
  • Choir
  • Dancing couple
  • Dancing team
  • Escape artist
  • Card magician
  • Mentalist
  • Knife thrower/arrow shooter
  • Quick change
  • Strange Japanese act (often scantily clad)
  • Cross dressing singer
  • Bad female comedian who makes fun of herself

Anything else? 

Don't forget elaborate animal acts!

It doesn't help I dislike Julianne Hough. Gabrielle is an improvement over Heidi and Mel B.

I think I'm done watching for good now. It's bad when there are only two acts I remember from all of the audition rounds (before this episode) and one is the Tequila Guy.

  • Love 3
Link to comment

The wind was blowing last night so my antenna made the show go in and out for the entire time so I missed most if not all of each act. I looked at the clock before each act though, and thought "Nope, not the last act so not the GB." Then the boy Broadway singer came on and I was all, "Okay, here's the GB, a singer plus the show is almost over." Way to keep me in suspense show. Not. Still, the boy's reaction was sweet, even if I wasn't positive he is ready for Broadway just yet.

The blind singer put last week's 50s-glasses-wearing ginger singer Lemont or Leland or whatever his name was, to shame. Plus Simon didn't ask him to change his song or use a different track or come back later and sing something else. THAT was a refreshing change.

The graphic designer hoop roller with the spray paint and glitter on his body was interesting to stare at, I'll give him that. I wish I could hear what his co-workers say when he goes back to work.

The only laugh I had all night was when Kara told Simon he looked hydrated and she swiped his Dunkin drink. I LOL'd long and hard at that one. That was the best part of the night for me. Ya'll can draw your own conclusion on that.

  • Love 2
Link to comment
(edited)
2 hours ago, Superclam said:

I was thinking about the few different types of acts. We have:

  • Singer
  • Choir
  • Dancing couple
  • Dancing team
  • Escape artist
  • Card magician
  • Mentalist
  • Knife thrower/arrow shooter
  • Quick change
  • Strange Japanese act (often scantily clad)
  • Cross dressing singer
  • Bad female comedian who makes fun of herself

There are also strong man acts and acrobats/trapeze/trampoline acts.  Additionally -- this might go under dance groups -- there are light manipulation groups too. Oh!  And, ventriloquists.

Edited by Cowgirl
  • Love 1
Link to comment

I want to start by saying, I don't want to see the stupid crap with the judges, racing go carts, who cares. Or the backstage contestants talking to one another. I want to watch performers on stage.

What a waist of time that guy with the gold suit was.

The French couple was so good. Damn that woman has no bones lol. She moved like a gymnast so did her husband but her movements were flawless.

The singer from Sweden (?) seemed like a really nice person but no one and I mean no one should ever sing John Lennon's Imagine. You just can't.

Tambourine guy was funny but what's he going to do to step it up? He's already played it on his face. I was cracking up when he kept pulling his tights up.

Dancers from Argentina, didn't do any one thing long enough for me to like or dislike. Their act was really short.

The blind singer, thank you for your service. I could listen to you all night long on a Friday or Saturday night enjoying drinks at my local bar but don't think you'll make it very far.

The Mentalist was okay but dull. I loved her 1940's look. I was thinking those papers they put in the wind machine only looked like 50 to 100 and they said all the audience drew a picture? I don't think so. But Simon, I grew up watching Lassie too :-)

I don't know any show tunes so I don't know if the golden buzzer kid sang that song good but what a great kid, I hope he makes it to Broadway.  

In the clips we saw some acts I would've liked to have seen instead of the backstage crap. I saw one with a woman being swung around by her ponytail and the 4 Asian women in green suits looked interesting.  Also I think the judges have a program of the nights performers with a little background of each and that's why they'll ask certain questions to each contestant. 

I know I'm forgetting some acts and that's because they're forgettable.

  • Love 4
Link to comment
2 hours ago, foxfreakinmulder said:

The French couple was so good. Damn that woman has no bones lol. She moved like a gymnast so did her husband but her movements were flawless.

Not surprising, since she was a gymnast (she said it on the show but it was easy to miss; she was in the 1996 Olympics). Google Ludivine Furnon and you'll find several videos. (Quick google doesn't give me much about him except that he was in Cirque du Soleil.)

  • Useful 1
Link to comment

God help me, but I loved the tambourine man.

So glad auditions are over. They're usually a drag but this year seemed especially tedious.

If I'm being honest, judge cuts are kind of my favorite segment of the show. I love how acts we didn't see in auditions show up out of nowhere and acts that were drooled over in the auditions completely disappear. It's such a mess. I love it.

  • LOL 2
  • Love 3
Link to comment

I thought the last kid had the same problem as any other kid, enunciation. He had a great voice, but the lack of enunciation and a strange arrangement had me cringing. These kids need a proper voice teacher. (My small knowledge of singing from high school choir is that singing enunciation is a lot different than speaking enunciation.)

The Broadway song is from the Broadway version of the movie Waitress. (Keri Russell was the protagonist.) It's a very emotional, mature song and the kid didn't have it.

Jessica Mueller (original Broadway actor) and Sara Bareilles (composer) sing a very good rendition of the same song, "She Used to Be Mine" at the 2016 Tony Awards.

  • Love 1
Link to comment
(edited)

The Kissing Couple was obviously just a set up for the French couple, like, okay, here's an act that's sexy but done by two people with actual talent.

I guess it was inevitable that the (completely baffling) success of Vicki Barbolak would bring us Trailer Nasty 2.0. Well, she's nowhere near as as gross, but it's another woman whose act is talking about her body and having the hots for Simon. Why are comediennes who personify female stereotypes considered funny? I don't think people would laugh at a guy scratching his crotch and talking about farting.

As soon as Robert Finley started singing I knew it was AGT up to its old lying tricks. Among Robert's professional credits, he's recorded an album and toured worldwide with one of the Black Keys. He still has an interesting story, so why couldn't they just present that to us honestly? (shades of that Dutch singer last year).

No question that this year's Golden Buzzers have talent-wise been the worst group ever. This week's winner seemed like a nice kid, but he really struggled with enunciation and pitch. Would he even get the lead if his middle school did a Broadway show? Not sure. Well, at least he didn't say he was a victim of bullying.

Favorite act of the night for me was the Argentinian dance troupe. But does every dance act have to say they came to America because there's no opportunity in their own country? I know everyone wants to make it in America, but there's a large and profitable entertainment industry in Argentina and other South American countries, so that didn't ring quite true.

Aside from the sameness of so many acts, the fact that so many say the same things adds to the feeling of deja vu. (Of course that goes for the judges too. "What happens in the next few minutes can change your life." Sure it can).

Edited by bluepiano
  • Love 4
Link to comment
14 hours ago, Unraveled said:

I thought the last kid had the same problem as any other kid, enunciation. He had a great voice, but the lack of enunciation and a strange arrangement had me cringing. These kids need a proper voice teacher.

Totally agree with this. I couldn't understand a single word so gave up, even though I should know most Broadway tunes. Thanks for identifying it for us!

9 hours ago, Vermicious Knid said:

Didn't we see the Argentinian dance act with traditionally male performers just a few seasons ago? They made it to the quarter or semi finals I think.

Yes. Maybe these were the wives, back with their husbands' routine and tricks.

9 hours ago, bluepiano said:

I don't think people would laugh at a guy scratching his crotch and talking about farting.

Yes they would. Reference every "comedy" tv show and movie out these days.

  • Love 2
Link to comment
9 hours ago, bluepiano said:

But does every dance act have to say they came to America because there's no opportunity in their own country?

It boggles my mind to think how many AGT acts are stopped at the border and can't get in to the country much less to the audition hall.

Link to comment
On 7/9/2019 at 11:48 PM, kickedinthehead said:

I've missed a lot of the show tonight, but did get the "pleasure" of seeing Kara-with-a-K, who might be the LEAST funny comic this show has ever featured; I'd easily rather see Jackie (Not-So)Fabulous again or even another "Trailer Nasty" set before having to be subjected to more Kara-with-a-K. Ugh...

Yes! All the judges fawned over her, and even Simon was going on about how funny she was. After seeing she got 4 yeses (or however you spell it) I said I didn't think she was all that funny. And Howie made some comment about her physical comedy (because she fell before going back onstage?). I don't feel that was physical comedy. I hear physical comedy, I think Lucille Ball. Lucy she is not. I feel she fell accidentally and that's embarrassing, not entertaining. Please go away. She never should've made it through. 

On 7/10/2019 at 1:25 AM, anthonyd46 said:

Julianne fits right in with choosing a singer for the Golden Buzzer. 

Yes, but in this case, I actually liked him. HOWEVER, I was sure she would've picked the married couple who were dancing and the woman was being thrown around everywhere (the one who said she was an Olympic gymnast). That's who I would've given my GB to anyway. 

  • Love 2
Link to comment

I loved the comic magician!  Funnier than all other comedians this season.

Gold basso profundo singer had me going for awhile.  The song was so evocative of something the Caiphus character on Jesus Christ Superstar would have sung.  Man, how I loved that character and show.  Anyhoo...this dude didn't manage to finish well.  I was bummed.

The mentalists weren't anywhere near as good as the Clairvoyants were/are.  it was a perfect illustration of how little Simon actually cares anymore that he pretended to be alllll about them.  he was so quick to criticize the Clairvoyants for the lightest thing - typically about presentation.  This couple's presentation was clunky and obvious.  The lady's fashion was, however, on point.

The GB kid?  His voice actually cracked!  I was stunned.  Silly me.  I should know better by now.

I genuinely liked the Louisiana rocker.  His talent wasn't all that, but boy it sure seemed real.  I also enjoyed the Swede John Lennon.  His voice is more interesting than any other this season, imo.  I liked his guitar playing, as well.  

It was gross of Simon to focus on the kiss and not the interesting acrobatics of that couple.  

So far, the new jidges are pure window dressing.  Almost zero personality.  Heidi and Mel at least had that.  I look forward to the excuses used to cut the massive choral groups.  Expensive to bring to the stage and impossible to make bank with them.    

  • Love 1
Link to comment

I think if this show comes back next year, I won't. I'm so bored. I started watching the DVR - it's on right now. I'm barely watching. I'm writing about how bored I am with this show.  Some guy with a golden cape is on and very large boots. 

The tambourine guy would be a good attraction if he could find himself a band.  I don't need to see him hit himself with it on his own. 

The kissing thing was just uncomfortable. 

I see Julianna is back with the black eyes.  Why is no one telling her how bad this looks?

Yelling and drumming. No. Then it kind of turned dominatrix then tap dancing. Not even very good tap dancing. This was actually pretty bad. I don't know if the mash up of different "talents" did them any favors.

I already want to fast forward through the Sentimentalists - and they haven't even started the audition yet.  I guess they were picking things that were easy for her to draw.  We didn't get to see what was on the papers before they went into the wind machine. They could have all been hearts. Unless we did, but I wasn't really watching. 

I'm kind of neutral on the Swedish Grizzly Adams. 

I'm glad I can DVR this stuff instead of watching it when it's on. I save a lot of time fast forwarding though all the BS.

You can't deny that the acrobat has strength. He didn't seem to have much - I don't know what you would call it - grace? Finesse?  He just look kind of like a guy who learned to spin, but lacked some control and dance like qualities. The spinning was nice, but he just seemed clumsy in his other movements.

I kind of like the blues guy's voice.

Kara with a K's boobs were a good candidate for the game "Cleavage or Butt Crack"  Just being friendly or personable doesn't make anyone funny. It just makes you friendly and or personable.  Would you really want to touch something that came out of someone's boobs? Ick.  That was just embarrassing to watch. So bad.

Child singer. Final Audition. Automatic golden buzzer. He makes me think of Manny from Modern Family.  Good audition for him. Enthusiastic child singer gets golden buzzer.  At least it wasn't a teenage girl this time. 

  • Love 2
Link to comment
11 hours ago, Lonesome Rhodes said:

Gold basso profundo singer had me going for awhile.  The song was so evocative of something the Caiphus character on Jesus Christ Superstar would have sung.  Man, how I loved that character and show.  Anyhoo...this dude didn't manage to finish well.  I was bummed.

That is so weird. I was semi paying attention to him and I was thinking Jesus Christ Superstar. 

  • Love 1
Link to comment
(edited)
5 hours ago, Commando Cody said:

I think if this show comes back next year, I won't. I'm so bored.

I'm board too. I wanted to do a write up for that week's set of auditions, but I've been like the majority of what we've seen on this show...uninspired. That, and I actually forgot about a lot of the acts that showed up on the recent episode.

But I will say this...there are quite a bit of 2.0's in this season. When we saw the Sentimentalists, I immediately thought Clairvoyants 2.0. I loved the lady's retro clothing.

The Lady Molambo dancers were to me, Malevo 2.0 (also from Season 11, just like Clairvoyants), but it's women this time. I'm glad that Howie admitted, "We have seen this before." I know people are curious as to why they came all the way to AGT, but it does seem like the Argentine version of AGT (Talento Argentina) hasn't had a season since 2011, even though it looks like that show is coming back soon. Plus the prize money for Talento Argentino was $100,000 AP ($2,407.95 in USD), so I guess $1,000,000 USD ($41,530,000 Argentine Pesos) does sound more appealing.

I looked up Robert's information and it's true that he's done quite a bit of work and toured with the Black Keys, but I still like him. I agree that he put Lamont from two weeks ago to shame with his voice and personality. Robert seems like such a sweetheart, where Lamont was just a little too cocky. I'm sure that he was recruited like many acts that come on AGT. I read on the AGT/SubReddit that Joseph O'Brien's (remember him?) father mentioned that his son was only one of two acts (in his Live's episode) that wasn't invited by the producers to come on the show (and from looking at Wikipedia he hasn't been on another reality singing competition), so his fan base wasn't as large as the other acts. His father's words according to a poster on Reddit.

Since I'm speaking on recruitment and showing up on other shows, Christoffer Kläfford was the winner of Idol (Sweden) back in 2017. His EP and two of his singles made it into the top 10 of the charts in Sweden...one of them being...his cover of John Lennon's "Imagine." I'm certain that Simon knows of him (somewhat). But learning of this makes me question Kristoffer's story...what little I can remember of it. But hey, maybe he was recruited, maybe he wants a little more exposure. Who knows? But I am seeing shades of Glennis Grace with him, minus the son.

I'm mostly underwhelmed with this season. I forgot most of the Golden Buzzers already. But the snark from you guys makes sitting though this show worth it.

We'll see how the Judge Cuts go in a couple of days...

Edited by giaNtsandYankees
  • Love 3
Link to comment
(edited)

I agree with the posts above, this show is not good.  I fast-forwarded through a lot of it, hoping there might be an interesting act.  

Kara with a K -   There were shots of the audience  behind the judges, sitting and not responding.  then they cut to a random audience laughing like crazy -  and this was before her act started.  Pulling a hamburger out of her bra?  why is that hilarious? why is that a TALENT?  The song "9 to 5"  playing for her?  I thought at first she was going to talk about WORKING.  no, it was a cheap reference to blonde busty Dolly Parton.   To me, it completely disrespects Dolly Parton, a very talented woman.  Kara-with-a-K hasn't an ounce of talent.  There wasn't a single thing she said that was funny. 

what a farce. 

Edited by tinkerbell
  • Love 2
Link to comment

I couldn't believe Germ-A-Phobe Howie put out his hand to get some of Kara's Boob Fries. I also wondered what happened to all the fries. First they were there with Julianne and Gabrielle (and Howie), then they were not.

The acrobats that were just given clips looked fun and interesting. I wonder if they went through. I guess the freelance designer with the body paint had the most interesting back story so he got the spotlight. Not that I minded. *eye candy*

I wonder if the comedy magician with the crazy red hair got four yeses. Not that I will remember any of these acts by the time they get on again.

The difference between how Simon dresses -- old jeans, t-shirt that probably cost $400 but looks like that $2 one in the "Well, you sure look ... comfortable" laundry soap commercial -- and Terry in his million-dollar beautiful suits is glaring. I guess if you own the franchise you don't even have to shower when you roll out of bed in the morning, but the lack of respect is stunning. Even Howie puts a jacket over his t-shirt.

  • Love 2
Link to comment
1 hour ago, saber5055 said:

The difference between how Simon dresses -- old jeans, t-shirt that probably cost $400 but looks like that $2 one in the "Well, you sure look ... comfortable" laundry soap commercial -- and Terry in his million-dollar beautiful suits is glaring. I guess if you own the franchise you don't even have to shower when you roll out of bed in the morning, but the lack of respect is stunning. Even Howie puts a jacket over his t-shirt.

I always talk about this with my brother (who also posts on here) - there seems to be a limit on how different or well put together a man can look compared to a woman. A woman can wear a dress, style her hair, wear high heels and a ton of makeup on and would look completely different from how she would in daily life. A man is basically just putting on a mono colored piece of nicer fabric on, which looks "clean" but doesn't really accentuate any of his features. Even if Simon wore a $1000 Gucci t-shirt, it wouldn't do much for him. Maybe this train of thought doesn't make sense to women, since they're attracted to men and I am not, but it's something I always think of anyways.

Link to comment
8 minutes ago, InternetToughGuy said:

Even if Simon wore a $1000 Gucci t-shirt, it wouldn't do much for him.

I'd like to see Simon try a $1,000 Gucci SUIT. Forget the t-shirt. Terry makes the effort and shows respect by how he dresses. Simon shows his disrespect with his jeans and t-shirt.

  • Love 1
Link to comment
On 7/14/2019 at 11:58 AM, Commando Cody said:

I see Julianna is back with the black eyes.  Why is no one telling her how bad this looks?

So, you are thinking every time you see her in the black eyes with the matching miniskirt and Gabby always happens to have the same balloon looking multicored clown suit... you think these are different events?

All of the Audition episodes are clipped up events from different auditions and packaged neatly into E1, E2, E3, etc, but when you see them in E1 all dressed a certain way and then on E3 they are all dressed exactly the same way, they are clips from the same night placed into different episodes for editing purposes.

Julianna doesn’t come “back with the black eyes,” it’s the same audition night. She wore that outfit once. (Unlike Simon’s Haynes yellowed White T with the pit stains.)

PS, Julianna can wear the black eyes and black dress as many times as she would like for me. It cracks me up how people look for stuff to pick in her about.

Link to comment

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...