S02.E04: Washing Off Prison

[Drogo]

Matt and Caitlin's sexy reunion leads to an offer; Brittany walks out on her date with Marcelino.

[Marsupial]

I thought nothing could match the horror of that opening scene of Meth Head and Caitlin getting close to nature, and I am certain the poor traumatized forest creatures had to conduct a cleansing ceremony that involved smoked sage and burning of the earth, but in the very next scene we encounter Clint and his Shrek Beast. EGAD. 

[Drogo]

I'm not hungry anymore ever again. 

[CoachWristletJen]

I've never seen so many yellow teeth. What is it with everybody's teeth?

7 minutes ago, Marsupial said:

I thought nothing could match the horror of that opening scene of Meth Head and Caitlin getting close to nature, and I am certain the poor traumatized forest creatures had to conduct a cleansing ceremony that involved smoked sage and burning of the earth, but in the very next scene we encounter Clint and his Shrek Beast. EGAD. 

What's going on with the camera people? Are they just doing their jobs? Or are they traumatized, too, and thinking I'll just focus my lens on this bee or whatever... help me.

Now I'm watching Marcellino's girlfriend ruining their linguine dinner by having a will of her own.

[hookedontv]

This show is seriously the best thing out there. Everyone is nuts but still entertaining. A few comments:

What makes these women jump up onto their rather out of shape men and think they won’t topple them over? Clint was really struggling to hold his gal up. 

It didn’t take long for Marcelino to show his true colors. He couldn’t just have a relaxing dinner, he pulls out serious questions. And when she answers and it’s not what he expected, he’s got to scold her and question their whole relationship. He’s bad news. 

Edited December 29, 2018 by hookedontv

[PityFree]

 Between unwashed oral sex races and hearing about Caitlin’s full stomach, I will never stop dry heaving. Ever. 

[Reality police]

Clint's mama is going to be so missed when she gets that credit card bill. She really should have given him a prepaid card. That dress he bought was right out of hookers r us. Her black spanx were longer than the dress 

[hookedontv]

PS: Next time I run out of eye makeup, I’m heading straight towards the coffee and pencils....

[Cammi]

It felt SO WRONG practically watching those meth heads having sex in the woods... I literally recoiled from my tv and backed up against my sofa pillows trying to hide. It was like watching really awful soft porn!

Ol Tracie catfished Clint with those pics.... I need whatever rose colored lense he sees through. She's a hard 3- AT BEST. 

What is it with these skinny men picking up these thick ass prison chicks? Gotta say, I'm seriously impressed. 

Marcellino is waving red flags all over the place. Brittany, you in danger girl! Ain't NOBODY gonna take a plate of food from me when I'm not even finished! Wtf was THAT? Good way to get your hand bit off in my family. 

[PityFree]

 Oh, and Matt?  You’ve been sitting on your behind not working for however many years you’ve been in prison. You didn’t earn “relaxation.” Law abiding people work jobs they don’t love. Get over yourself. Get whatever job you can get.

Edited December 29, 2018 by PityFree

[AntManBee]

I wish I learned this show was back in 2 months, so I could stream it all!  I can’t wait to see what happens.

 

Were Scott and Lizzie featured at all?

I feel bad for forgetting her name, but... Run from Marcellino!  

Im surprised Clint is the catch of that relationship.  I can’t wait for Mom and newly blonde Tracie to meet.

This show reminds me being single isn’t so bad.

[Marsupial]

Quote

Marcellino is waving red flags all over the place. Brittany, you in danger girl! Ain't NOBODY gonna take a plate of food from me when I'm not even finished! Wtf was THAT? Good way to get your hand bit off in my family. 

You speak truth. In my family, taking someone's spouse is more forgivable than taking someone's food. As hookedontv noted, it sure didn't take him long to show his true colors. 

Brittany wins the prize for most intelligent and perceptive person on this program, con or non-con. RUN, BRITTANY! Your instincts are right on, the due is a controlling twerp and you can do better. She's also the one who cleans up the best, I must say, she looked really nice when she got to have a real shower and dress up a little. 

 

Quote

Were Scott and Lizzie featured at all?

Haven't we all suffered enough? No, we were at least spared that.

[Spike]

45 minutes ago, hookedontv said:

This show is seriously the best thing out there. Everyone is nuts but still entertaining. A few comments:

What makes these women jump up onto their rather out of shape men and think they won’t topple them over? Clint was really struggling to hold his gal up. 

It didn’t take long for Marcelino to show his true colors. He couldn’t just have a relaxing dinner, he pulls out serious questions. And when she answers and it’s not what he expected, he’s got to scold her and question their whole relationship. He’s bad news. 

He’s 40 and has decided he wants to settle down pronto.  Maybe someone his own age would share that interest, not a bisexual wild child in her 20s.

45 minutes ago, PityFree said:

 Between unwashed oral sex races and hearing about Caitlin’s full stomach, I will never stop dry heaving. Ever. 

Not to mention I bet Matt gave it up to any top in prison who had drugs. She might want to get tested.

[Marsupial]

Quote

Clint's mama is going to be so missed when she gets that credit card bill.

Yes, this is when you hand him cash or a prepaid card, Mom. But she's been weirdly enabling about this whole thing from the start. Wait until she meets the beneficiary of all her generosity.

[Hannah94]

Marcilleno didn't take long for his true and very scary colors to come out. I am really hoping these are paid actors because otherwise, Brittany is clearly in danger. He took her dinner away while she was eating it. Who does that? 

Clint is an idiot and his girlfriend is screwing him over and she doesn't give a damn about him. *facepalm*

[Spike]

If just highlights cost 280 what would a full dye job cost?

[Hannah94]

Exactly what I thought. That and who in the hell is on a strict ass budget and spends $350 on a pair of panties and a bra????

Another disturbing thing: I cannot believe how these "couples" are so casual about unprotected sex with people (with very sketchy pasts) they literally just met in real life.

[Reality police]

1 minute ago, Hannah94 said:

Exactly what I thought. That and who in the hell is on a strict ass budget and spends $350 on a pair of panties and a bra????

Another disturbing thing: I cannot believe how these "couples" are so casual about unprotected sex with people (with very sketchy pasts) they literally just met in real life.

When Matt and Caitlyn jumped into the woods, I prayed someone had a condom. Clearly these people don't think.

[hookedontv]

2 minutes ago, Reality police said:

When Matt and Caitlyn jumped into the woods, I prayed someone had a condom. Clearly these people don't think.

I was kinda praying for poison ivy...

[Hannah94]

8 minutes ago, Reality police said:

When Matt and Caitlyn jumped into the woods, I prayed someone had a condom. Clearly these people don't think.

Well they sure didn't use one because she said she felt like she was filled up with his babies. Anyone on a diet on this thread? Watch that scene and you will immediately lose your appetite.

[Reality police]

1 minute ago, Hannah94 said:

Well they sure didn't use one because she said she felt like she was filled up with his babies. Anyone on a diet on this thread? Watch that scene and you will immediately lose your appetite.

She really needs to listen to Matt's mom. She seems to have a pretty good grip on his reality. 

[Drogo]

"You need to respect my age." 

Anyone have access to a Marcellinoish To English dictionary? Because what the fuck does this mean. 

[Marsupial]

He's older than her, and so....entitled to her respect? I am guessing.

 

Quote

Anyone on a diet on this thread? Watch that scene and you will immediately lose your appetite.

Yes, but I'm making up for the lost calories in alcohol.

[IvySpice]

Quote

If just highlights cost 280 what would a full dye job cost?

Highlights are usually way more expensive than an all-over color. It takes a lot more of the stylist's time to apply the color to defined sections of hair and wrap them to keep it from spreading. An all-over color just has to be rubbed through the hair like shampoo. It takes like 5 minutes.

[Spike]

41 minutes ago, Drogo said:

"You need to respect my age." 

Anyone have access to a Marcellinoish To English dictionary? Because what the fuck does this mean. 

Listen to/defer to your elder.

[AntManBee]

5 minutes ago, IvySpice said:

Highlights are usually way more expensive than an all-over color. It takes a lot more of the stylist's time to apply the color to defined sections of hair and wrap them to keep it from spreading. An all-over color just has to be rubbed through the hair like shampoo. It takes like 5 minutes.

Still.  This woman’s hair needed help. Already treated, and then neglected.  However I thought the price quoted was high.  This was not some busy posh salon.  While the client was a walk in, the price seemed high.  Maybe they saw a money mark in Clint.

[IvySpice]

Oh, it may have been overpriced for highlights -- I'm just saying that a solid color would have been less. I'd expect to see prices of $280+ at a chic place in New York or Boston, not at an ordinary salon. That said, if it was a quote for attempted repair of earlier color damage, that can be the most expensive service of all. That's like fixing botched plastic surgery (seen elsewhere for your reality TV delight).

[Spike]

1 minute ago, IvySpice said:

Oh, it may have been overpriced for highlights -- I'm just saying that a solid color would have been less. I'd expect to see prices of $280+ at a chic place in New York or Boston, not at an ordinary salon. That said, if it was a quote for attempted repair of earlier color damage, that can be the most expensive service of all. That's like fixing botched plastic surgery (seen elsewhere for your reality TV delight).

If she used coffee for makeup maybe she colored her hair with Hawaiian Punch.

[Reality police]

15 minutes ago, Spike said:

If she used coffee for makeup maybe she colored her hair with Hawaiian Punch.

Unsweetened kool-aid makes beautiful colors.

[AntAnn]

56 minutes ago, Reality police said:

Unsweetened kool-aid makes beautiful colors.

That’s what my friend said when I was talking about coloring my poodle’s white goatee. I didn’t follow her advice beause I could imagine him flinging that beautiful color all over my house after drinking water 🤣.

[AntAnn]

This show reminds me to the early “catfish” series. It’s hard to believe these people are so desperate and stupid. When Clint’s girl said he thought she was a “catfish” at first, I was thinking ... hmm... maybe he was on to something. Apparently, it’s going to take him a long while to figure that out. OMG is all I can think right now.

[jumper sage]

3 hours ago, Spike said:

If just highlights cost 280 what would a full dye job cost?

From what I saw the salon did a fantastic job of redoing her hair.  It was a mess.  Worth every penny.

The girl who "washed the prison off" is too good for that asshole.

Ooooooh, who else was shocked that the guy with 2 girls wants the other girl?

[cooksdelight]

Um, Caitlin, you left .... um.... a little residue ......

 

[Hannah94]

6 minutes ago, cooksdelight said:

Um, Caitlin, you left .... um.... a little residue ......

 

ECK, I was hoping it was toothpaste!

[HorrrGoodnight]

Matt and Caitlyn....If I never see another romp in the hay it will be too soon 😷

Marcelino seems "normal" or whatever but theres definitely more than meets the eye. He's the type to do all the things only to throw it back in your face.

Plig bae must have some serious game. He wants to reaaaaaallly surprise you Megan.

I wasn't going to comment on whatshisname and tragic roots but I accidentally watched a scene and I must say it was so funny seeing the salon girls hike up the prices once they saw he was game. 

ETA not nanoseconds after I wrote this I saw the debacle that is Marcelino unfold....and plig bae said is wife is A queen but not HIS queen 👑 plot twist

Edited December 29, 2018 by SlutAssBitchAssHor

[Hannah94]

6 minutes ago, SlutAssBitchAssHor said:

Matt and Caitlyn....If I never see another romp in the hay it will be too soon 😷

Marcelino seems "normal" or whatever but theres definitely more than meets the eye. He's the type to do all the things only to throw it back in your face.

Plig bae must have some serious game. He wants to reaaaaaallly surprise you Megan.

I wasn't going to comment on whatshisname and tragic roots but I accidentally watched a scene and I must say it was so funny seeing the salon girls hike up the prices once they saw he was game. 

That was crazy pricing for a strip mall salon (aka the setting seemed similar to the salon inside the local Walmart). It was not an upscale salon by any means. I cannot fathom how they got away with charging $350 for highlights and a haircut, as though they were a NYC boutique salon. That poor guy is clearly missing some brain cells and it was sad to see not only the inmate gf but the salon also take advantage of his ignorance. "Tragic roots" = awesome nickname for her, lol!

[PityFree]

8 hours ago, IvySpice said:

Highlights are usually way more expensive than an all-over color. It takes a lot more of the stylist's time to apply the color to defined sections of hair and wrap them to keep it from spreading. An all-over color just has to be rubbed through the hair like shampoo. It takes like 5 minutes.

 I noticed that no one mentioned tips on the show.  That $350 cut, color, and style will require a tip of $70. 

[annewithaneee]

On the salon -- I think that was probably actually a fair price? She needed a cut, a color, then highlights on top of the color, and got her makeup done. I didn't look, but I wouldn't be surprised if she also got a manicure and her eyebrows shaped. A hot oil/deep conditioning treatment would have been a reasonable upsell. It took at least a couple hours of the stylist's time (and getting her makeup done might have involved another stylist, too). And she cleaned up alright, given that Clint bought her a tragic getup and the commissary obviously didn't stock white strips. And she looked cuter than her betrothed even straight out of the clink...Clint's right, she is out of his league even though there's some hard mileage on her, because good lord is Clint deeply unattractive inside and out.

[Empress1]

Caitlin didn't even want him to wash off the prison stank! GROSS.

10 hours ago, PityFree said:

 Oh, and Matt?  You’ve been sitting on your behind not working for however many years you’ve been in prison. You didn’t earn “relaxation.” Law abiding people work jobs they don’t love. Get over yourself. Get whatever job you can get.

I wish the fuck I would. "I don't want to do something I don't like." My dude, you're a felon. You work where they'll hire you. He's 100% going back - he even SAID that if he's not incarcerated, he's fucking up. And I've said it before and I'll say it again: his mother knows exactly who her son is and Caitlin would be smart to listen to her.

Marcellino is scary controlling. When he took her food, I was like "RUN."

[Spike]

1 hour ago, SlutAssBitchAssHor said:

Matt and Caitlyn....If I never see another romp in the hay it will be too soon 😷

Marcelino seems "normal" or whatever but theres definitely more than meets the eye. He's the type to do all the things only to throw it back in your face.

Plig bae must have some serious game. He wants to reaaaaaallly surprise you Megan.

I wasn't going to comment on whatshisname and tragic roots but I accidentally watched a scene and I must say it was so funny seeing the salon girls hike up the prices once they saw he was game. 

ETA not nanoseconds after I wrote this I saw the debacle that is Marcelino unfold....and plig bae said is wife is A queen but not HIS queen 👑 plot twist

 

Matt reminds me of a redneck Woody Harrelson

1 hour ago, SlutAssBitchAssHor said:

Matt and Caitlyn....If I never see another romp in the hay it will be too soon 😷

Marcelino seems "normal" or whatever but theres definitely more than meets the eye. He's the type to do all the things only to throw it back in your face.

Plig bae must have some serious game. He wants to reaaaaaallly surprise you Megan.

I wasn't going to comment on whatshisname and tragic roots but I accidentally watched a scene and I must say it was so funny seeing the salon girls hike up the prices once they saw he was game. 

ETA not nanoseconds after I wrote this I saw the debacle that is Marcelino unfold....and plig bae said is wife is A queen but not HIS queen 👑 plot twist

 

I wonder what they charged for the wine.  I would ask about a tip but they don’t seem the type to tip.

Edited December 29, 2018 by Spike

[Marsupial]

For one brief, shining moment, I had a shred of tattered hope to hang onto, when Caitlin said she wouldn't marry Meth Man until he proved that he could straighten himself out, stay out of jail and get a job. Of course, this was quickly followed by Methy's stated refusal to work a job he "doesn't like" and Caitlin's acceptance of a swamp weed for an engagement ring. 

Quote

He's 100% going back - he even SAID that if he's not incarcerated, he's fucking up.

Yup, and he also said that he'll "thrive" either way, whether he's in jail or out. 

Quote

From what I saw the salon did a fantastic job of redoing her hair.

I agree! It was a disaster and they did a great job with her makeover. They actually made her look human. The worst part was that hideous dress and that was all on Clint.

[Spike]

Clint’s first wife is way more attractive so when he lays it on thick about the new one’s looks I dunno.

[lezlers]

13 hours ago, Marsupial said:

I thought nothing could match the horror of that opening scene of Meth Head and Caitlin getting close to nature, and I am certain the poor traumatized forest creatures had to conduct a cleansing ceremony that involved smoked sage and burning of the earth, but in the very next scene we encounter Clint and his Shrek Beast. EGAD. 

The women in that salon saw a sucker coming a mile away when Clint and the She Beast walked in those doors.  They FLEECED them.  That was not anywhere NEAR a $400 cut and color.  And that dress?  Clint might think everyone in that restaurant is jealous but they'll really be thinking "aw, the poor slow kid's friends finally bought him a hooker!"

I also feel vindicated AF watching that dinner scene with Marcelino and his Real Live Doll.   Because that's all she is to him.   I hated that guy from jump and was ready to pull my hair out with every facebook post and podcaster saying how sweet and kind they thought he was.  I knew he was a narcissistic, controlling abuser after listening to 3 minutes of him.   That girl is WAY too good for him.  I was so happy when she got up and walked away from him.  What a douchebag.

Edited December 29, 2018 by lezlers

[CousinOliver]

I’m genuinely surprised that Michael was all about the virgin side piece.  He would have been smart to say, “so, I played this other woman in order to get phone cards to call you...”  and move on with his wife and child.  But, I guess that’s not as exciting as someone new. 

I feel badly for the women, until they fight to claim this worthless cheater (inevitable, right?) 

[lezlers]

2 hours ago, annewithaneee said:

On the salon -- I think that was probably actually a fair price? She needed a cut, a color, then highlights on top of the color, and got her makeup done. I didn't look, but I wouldn't be surprised if she also got a manicure and her eyebrows shaped. A hot oil/deep conditioning treatment would have been a reasonable upsell. It took at least a couple hours of the stylist's time (and getting her makeup done might have involved another stylist, too). And she cleaned up alright, given that Clint bought her a tragic getup and the commissary obviously didn't stock white strips. And she looked cuter than her betrothed even straight out of the clink...Clint's right, she is out of his league even though there's some hard mileage on her, because good lord is Clint deeply unattractive inside and out.

No way.   They quoted her 385 JUST for the color, cut and blow dry.  That's insane, especially for a strip mall salon.  Notice the one lady looked at her hair, said "hmmm" and then looked at the other lady (probably silently conversing about what they could get away with) and then gave her the price.  Reputable salons have prices posted for all services, they don't "quote" you.   I go to a nice salon and get a curly deva cut and color.  I'm in the chair for 2.5 hours, minimum.  It's $160, not including tip.  And it's not a cheap salon.  Those women saw Clint's dumbass and those cameras and priced accordingly.  I'm sure he paid way more than the 385 for the makeup, ect.

Edited December 29, 2018 by lezlers

[CoachWristletJen]

9 hours ago, AntManBee said:

Still.  This woman’s hair needed help. Already treated, and then neglected.  However I thought the price quoted was high.  This was not some busy posh salon.  While the client was a walk in, the price seemed high.  Maybe they saw a money mark in Clint.

I was trying to figure out that total myself... they weren't busy. She did mention something about a mani/pedi. I didn't notice whether or not she got talons.  I was too busy noticing the spanx protruding from her Forever 21 dress... behold the goddess!

Also, there was the cost of the coffee free makeover. And, I'm sure they sold her some makeup to go.

[Empress1]

30 minutes ago, Marsupial said:

Yup, and he also said that he'll "thrive" either way, whether he's in jail or out.

I noticed that too - he was like "I don't want to go back but if I do, I'll thrive." Not "I don't want to go back so I'm going to do whatever it takes to stay straight." He doesn't really seem to care about staying out of jail. Caitlin said he's been in and out of jail since he was a teenager and she also said he's comfortable in prison. It sounds like he's never had a workaday life like the rest of us.

I also noticed that Clint's intended had a similar "whatever" attitude about jail - she said she was passing (writing?) bad payroll checks and if she got caught, meh, it would be state time so [shrug].

[CoachWristletJen]

5 hours ago, lezlers said:

No way.   They quoted her 385 JUST for the color, cut and blow dry.  That's insane, especially for a strip mall salon.  Notice the one lady looked at her hair, said "hmmm" and then looked at the other lady (probably silently conversing about what they could get away with) and then gave her the price.  Reputable salons have prices posted for all services, they don't "quote" you.   I go to a nice salon and get a curly deva cut and color.  I'm in the chair for 2.5 hours, minimum.  It's $160, not including tip.  And it's not a cheap salon.  Those women saw Clint's dumbass and those cameras and priced accordingly.  I'm sure he paid way more than the 385 for the makeup, ect.

 

That's a LOT color.... unless they felt she needed color correction before she got the highlights? Even so, that's a lot.

My salon is about the same as yours, and I'm in the chair for about the same amount of time. And, it's a busy place!  I think you're right. They priced accordingly, and they didn't do themselves any favors in terms of advertising. Every woman in that little town is gonna be like, "Hell, no!"

Again, she might have needed hella color correction for those tragic roots? Still... that was no $385 for cut and color. No way! I'm thinking some insane color magic for the two tone hair and some kind of unifying color on top, and then some lovely highlights. And some boxed wine.

Edited December 29, 2018 by CoachWristletJen

[CoachWristletJen]

2 hours ago, SlutAssBitchAssHor said:

Matt and Caitlyn....If I never see another romp in the hay it will be too soon 😷

That was a romp in the weeds...

[Hannah94]

29 minutes ago, CoachWristletJen said:

I was trying to figure out that total myself... they weren't busy. She did mention something about a mani/pedi. I didn't notice whether or not she got talons.  I was too busy noticing the spanx protruding from her Forever 21 dress... behold the goddess!

Also, there was the cost of the coffee free makeover. And, I'm sure they sold her some makeup to go.

I also saw the spanx peeking out from beneath that cheap ass dress that was in style for like 5 minutes 20+ years ago....on a 20 year old, never a 40 year old.