S07.E12: The Art of Communication

[humbleopinion]

Three weeks until Decision Day the couples look hard at themselves as this is the doldrums of the season....

[Crazy Bird Lady]

This year's couples don't really seem to have much communication --except for disagreements, arguments, and sex.

[JapMo]

3 hours ago, Crazy Bird Lady said:

This year's couples don't really seem to have much communication --except for disagreements, arguments, and sex.

LOL.  

I think the show needs to be revamped...again.  I like Pastor Cal, Dr. Pepper and whomever the sex therapist's name is, but maybe they need more help at the beginning...when they are at the selection stage.  I know this sounds kind of unethical, but they should have "plants" in the groups of males and females, people who are pretending to be a "contestant" and can infiltrate and get a read on other candidates when they are all kind of bs-ing in the lobby or bathroom or waiting area.  And I've said this before, what's wrong with letting those who weren't selected meet each?  It can't be any worse than meeting strangers in a bar, and yet many/most of these people WANT to get married, so you never know what would happen when you meet like-minded people.

[gonecrackers]

Put this in last week's thread but it belongs here...

Glad Danielle told Dave he was being harsh & that it's not always the woman's fault when she dates someone who turned out to not be trustworthy. Maybe it's the guy who acted in an untrustworthy way Dave.

[PityFree]

 The chicken Bobby and Danielle are eating at his parents’ house looks so delicious.

Also,  why are Tristan and Mia constantly wrapped in blankets?  They are young healthy people. It’s weird.

[crgirl412]

On 9/17/2018 at 4:55 PM, JapMo said:

LOL.  

I think the show needs to be revamped...again.  I like Pastor Cal, Dr. Pepper and whomever the sex therapist's name is, but maybe they need more help at the beginning...when they are at the selection stage.  I know this sounds kind of unethical, but they should have "plants" in the groups of males and females, people who are pretending to be a "contestant" and can infiltrate and get a read on other candidates when they are all kind of bs-ing in the lobby or bathroom or waiting area.  And I've said this before, what's wrong with letting those who weren't selected meet each?  It can't be any worse than meeting strangers in a bar, and yet many/most of these people WANT to get married, so you never know what would happen when you meet like-minded people.

The Bachelor has done this before. 

[Straycat80]

Dave can’t talk to tall brunettes in Ambers presence because she knows that’s his type. At least she’s admitting she’s insecure. 

[gonecrackers]

Tristan has yet another headache.

[PityFree]

Don’t fall for it, Tristan! Mia’s parents yelled and gave her mean looks because she was growing up to be a thief and a stalker!

[Kareem]

Dr. Blondie is showing them the video of their arguments. Must have gotten tired of the second hand inaccurate memory lapse BS versions of the past.  

[gonecrackers]

More insecurities for Amber, more guilt trips for Tristan... damn enough already.

[Kareem]

A child who doesn't like to be scolded - Must be time for another Mia pity party.  Clinging to him and smiling while watching a video about fights. Weird.  

[crgirl412]

1 minute ago, Straycat80 said:

Dave can’t talk to tall brunettes in Ambers presence because she knows that’s his type. At least she’s admitting she’s insecure. 

That is almost worse since she hasn't done anything about it like therapy over the years.  If she had I'm sure we would know.  Her insecurities seem to impact her life a lot and I think it could be remedied- at least a lot of it.   

[Neurochick]

4 minutes ago, PityFree said:

Don’t fall for it, Tristan! Mia’s parents yelled and gave her mean looks because she was growing up to be a thief and a stalker!

LOL, so where should Mia be, in a cell for life?

How insecure can Amber be?

[PityFree]

6 minutes ago, Kareem said:

A child who doesn't like to be scolded - Must be time for another Mia pity party.  Clinging to him and smiling while watching a video about fights. Weird.  

This! She acted like she was describing regular whippings, being sent to work in a mine, eating gruel, etc. 

Also, Love that Dave called Amber on her lie of not being upset.

[Straycat80]

Dr. Blondie is counseling Dave in what to say to Amber when she gets insecure. Why isn’t she counseling Amber to help her deal with her insecurities? If you are dying your hair to the point of it falling out, I would have also responded to stop dying it. He did not say anything about her going back to brunette. 

[JAndy]

Such an awkward lunch

[PityFree]

Oh this trust exercise obstacle course is going to be a disaster. *watches through my fingers*

[crgirl412]

1 hour ago, PityFree said:

This! She acted like she was describing regular whippings, being sent to work in a mine, eating gruel, etc. 

Also, Love that Dave called Amber on her lie of not being upset.

My mother yelled practically everyday.  She had a hot Irish temper and other situational influences so it could be intense.  I'm not even sure I believe Mia. 

 

50 minutes ago, JAndy said:

Such an awkward lunch

I am very pro SAHM and do think it is best the majority of the time but that was one of the worst things I've ever seen on reality tv and I watch a lot of it. 

EDIT:  To be clear, I thought that the mother and sister were horrific.  It was incredibly rude to ask and it is so obvious that they harshly judge anyone who isn't a SAHM. They give Housewives Ramona (NY) and Vicki (OC) a real run for their money.  These two women are judgey, rude, tone deaf and self-righteous Housewives about almost everything.  

Edited September 19, 2018 by crgirl412

[Gem 10]

18 minutes ago, PityFree said:

 The chicken Bobby and Danielle are eating at his parents’ house looks so delicious.

Also,  why are Tristan and Mia constantly wrapped in blankets?  They are young healthy people. It’s weird.

Yes.  Mia is always trying to hide her head by crouching down and covering up herself with anything handy.  It is weird. Came on a few minutes late and Mia was saying her Father always gave her the stare down stare, and her Mother yelled at her twice a week.  What???   The counselor acted like someone tried to murder her or something.  Did I miss  something?  That doesn’t sound earth shattering to me.  My Mother worked full time and us kids were yelled at for different reasons, but I understood my Mother was tired and didn’t have the luxury of staying home.  I didn’t get crazy over that.  It’s just the way it was.  Not every kid has it peaches and cream.  Unless there’s more to her story.  Anyhow, I don’t particularly care for these two at all.  In fact, this whole season is not interesting like the other seasons at all.  Neither are the councellors.

[gonecrackers]

Yeah when 'Dr.' Trauma said "what Mia has been through", it felt like I missed some horror story in there somewhere. I thought, "Um, what?" 

[JAndy]

1 minute ago, crgirl412 said:

 

I am very pro SAHM and do think it is best the majority of the time but that was one of the worst things I've ever seen on reality tv and I watch a lot of it. 

It can be. My daughter’s grandparents watch her while I work and I love that she’s super close with them. I’m a teacher so I do have time off in the summer and holidays.

Anyway, my mother in law was a SAHM and never had the conversation with me. I would have felt awful if she did. She did ask to watch her though, when we were looking at daycares, so maybe she felt some sort of way towards it but never made me feel bad. I don’t know if that makes sense. 

[Straycat80]

Doing an obstacle course way up in the air, on tiny ropes, and blindfolded. Hell to the no, I would be freaking out having an anxiety attack too! 

[JAndy]

Just now, Straycat80 said:

Doing an obstacle course way up in the air, on tiny ropes, and blindfolded. Hell to the no, I would be freaking out having an anxiety attack too! 

Yea I can’t really blame him. Although he should just take her hand. 

Danielle’s “I’ll miss someone making me coffee in the morning”. Hahaha

[ECM1231]

I' m gonna miss you making me coffee...wth Danielle! Aarrgghh

[Neurochick]

Danielle is a very closed person.  But I think she’s trying.

Tristan and Mia are a big no no for me, I don’t care about them.

People here say, “run Tristan run” but I don’t feel that he’s some innocent victim.

[JAndy]

1 minute ago, Neurochick said:

Danielle is a very closed person.  But I think she’s trying.

Tristan and Mia are a big no no for me, I don’t care about them.

People here say, “run Tristan run” but I don’t feel that he’s some innocent victim.

Yea I agree. I thought he was kind of nasty in some of those clips. The way he yelled at her. 

[gonecrackers]

Well Bobby, at least you have the dogs to clean up after; she tosses the dog's calming treats at him.

I'm thinking she may miss Henry more than Bobby.

Part of the note read: "Thanks for being you."  Stop gushing so much Danielle, you'll spoil him.

Edited September 19, 2018 by gonecrackers

[PityFree]

 Dave & Amber: you’re in your mid 30s, you both have good jobs, and the show gave you $10,000 cash. Buy preassembled furniture and have it delivered. You are too old to deal with this IKEA crap.

[gonecrackers]

Just now, PityFree said:

 Dave & Amber: you’re in your mid 30s, you both have good jobs, and the show gave you $10,000 cash. Buy preassembled furniture and have it delivered. You are too old to deal with this IKEA crap.

Why waste the money - Dave wanted something for a "temporary situation".

[ECM1231]

Danielle does care for Bobby and she is appreciative of all he does but damn girl, ANY words of affirmation would be great for Bobby to hear. It does not have to be I love you. Packing for the trip Bobby says he loves ALL the time they spend together and he will miss that. Danielle will miss him making her coffee. Do better Danielle.

 

Oh and in addition to poop patrol now we find out Henry is scared pf thunder and Bobby has to deal with that too with the impending rain storm.

[Gem 10]

I still say “ is this the best they picked for this show?  It was sooo good in the beginning and then fizzeled out.  These three couples are boring, and so are the experts.  Dr. Blonde is taking everything over the top too serious.  I think these couples would do better figuring out things by themselves.  They are so confusing, I don’t even know what the hell they are trying to get at.

[PityFree]

It was tragic the way Bobby kept saying the word love as Danielle was packing — desperately hoping it would prompt her to say it.  It broke my heart for him. I think even Henry would’ve said it to him if he could talk.

Edited September 19, 2018 by PityFree

[Gem 10]

Oh Brother.  Mia is Tristens Queen.  He better put his valuables in a safe deposit box in the closest bank wherever they are going.

[Straycat80]

Poor Bobby laying in bed forlornly watching Danielle pack for her trip. And then she says ‘I’ll miss Henry’. But, hey, she’ll miss Bobby making her coffee. 

Next week looks better than this one. 

Edited September 19, 2018 by Straycat80

[humbleopinion]

Henry's eyes are heart emojis whenever he looks at New Dad unlike Danielle who can't even throw Bobby a love bone(r).

Danielle will tell Bobby she loves him exactly ONCE so he better be ready to hear it, remember it and don't hold his breath for a repeat.

[Empress1]

15 minutes ago, ECM1231 said:

Danielle does care for Bobby and she is appreciative of all he does but damn girl, ANY words of affirmation would be great for Bobby to hear. It does not have to be I love you. Packing for the trip Bobby says he loves ALL the time they spend together and he will miss that. Danielle will miss him making her coffee. Do better Danielle.

Right! He needs to hear that she'll miss HIM, not what he does for her. Even the coffee could be reframed - "I love the quiet time we have together in the morning before work, I'll miss that." Or even just "I'll miss you too." How hard is that? Not just "I'll miss my indentured servant."

Two hours to build a dresser and Amber and Dave didn't even do it. My brother is terrible at putting stuff together; he knows that though so he either outsources it, buys shit that doesn't need assembling, or I do it and he buys me a meal after. (We were roommates in a two-bedroom in our adulthood for a bit; one time I heard him muttering to himself as he tried to assemble a tv stand and I actually got out of bed and did it.)

28 minutes ago, JAndy said:

It can be. My daughter’s grandparents watch her while I work and I love that she’s super close with them. I’m a teacher so I do have time off in the summer and holidays.

Anyway, my mother in law was a SAHM and never had the conversation with me. I would have felt awful if she did. She did ask to watch her though, when we were looking at daycares, so maybe she felt some sort of way towards it but never made me feel bad. I don’t know if that makes sense. 

I think it absolutely makes sense. She didn't make you feel judged for not staying home, which I think is essential. There was a very judgmental vibe coming from Bobby's mother and sister, like they look down on mothers that work. Being a SAHM isn't best if you know it's not for you. The key is to do what's best for YOUR (general "your") family and not to judge others. I did not get that vibe from the women in Bobby's family.

Tristan and Mia were dressed for two completely different events on their date. It reminded me of Nick and Sonia where she wore her favorite dress and he wore jeans and a hoodie.

Edited September 19, 2018 by Empress1

[Crazy Bird Lady]

Tristan is a hothead. Not a Tristan fan.

I don't like Mia, either. 

[Gem 10]

5 minutes ago, Straycat80 said:

Poor Bobby laying in bed forlornly watching Danielle pack for her trip. And then she says ‘I’ll miss Henry’. But, hey, she’ll miss Bobby making her coffee. 

Next week looks better than this one. 

Danielle is so closed off and cold.  Give the guy something, please, and fast.

[gonecrackers]

Danielle as a mom is, to use Dave's word, concerning. Bobby will be making the lunches, kissing the owies, & showing them love, all while on 24/7 doggie duty.

Danielle will help with homework, maybe... except for math.

[humbleopinion]

Danielle will drive carpool.

[princelina]

1 hour ago, Straycat80 said:

Dr. Blondie is counseling Dave in what to say to Amber when she gets insecure. Why isn’t she counseling Amber to help her deal with her insecurities? If you are dying your hair to the point of it falling out, I would have also responded to stop dying it. He did not say anything about her going back to brunette. 

He needs to ask how many times he is supposed to say it.

"You look beautiful"

"You just want me to dye my hair"

"No I think you look great"

"No you like brunettes"

Etc. etc. infinity - there needs to be an end some time, but I'm not sure Amber realizes that.  Nor the "expert"

Edited September 19, 2018 by princelina

[Yeah No]

Dave is so judgmental.  I thought Amber was doing a GREAT job of guiding him when he was blindfolded, but all he could do was critique her.  No wonder she is a bundle of insecurities.  He is always judging her and finding her wanting.  He can never see the glass half full with her.  And then people blame her for feeling insecure!

Oh, and Dave's lack of trust for Amber - Those are his issues coming out.  She's not the only one with issues.  Hers are at least rooted in reality - she knows he isn't into her.  He acted like a freaking WUSS on that blindfold test.  All he could do was blame Amber for not instructing him well enough when he's the freaking baby.  I really don't like him AT ALL.

I got the feeling that a whole lot was edited out of the tale when Mia was describing whatever horrors she endured with her family as a child.  I can't imagine that it was only getting stared at and yelled at twice a week.  It had to be worse than that for Tristan to react that way.

Danielle is a cold fish.  I almost think that personality-wise she'd be better off with Dave.  He can't handle emotions at all.  He got all bent out of shape over Amber having a moment over a lost sock.  My husband and I have one meltdown a week over something that gets misplaced.  We melt down, it's over with and life goes on.  He made a federal case over it.

I feel sorry for Bobby.  He's too blinded by love to let any of Danielle's coldness get to him but one day I'm sure it will.  I don't think she can change enough and even in writing she was missing the mark big time.

[Gem 10]

I’m married a very very long time after two years of dating.  You don’t know a person until you live with them.  There’s something new that pops up every day.  Same with these couples.  All this councelling doesn’t mean didley squat.  These couples probably don’t even know what they are talking about.  A couple will learn everything as they go ..   if they make it.

Danielles eyebrows have got to go.  They are so fake looking and too dark.  Not natural looking.

IMO, Dave is the better half.

[gonecrackers]

7 minutes ago, Yeah No said:

Dave is so judgmental.  I thought Amber was doing a GREAT job of guiding him when he was blindfolded, but all he could do was critique her.  

He doesn't even have to see her to know she's not doing a good enough job.

We saw you be less than perfect being guided AND with the dresser Dave, so you can take a seat & hush now.

Edited September 19, 2018 by gonecrackers

[Gem 10]

10 minutes ago, Yeah No said:

Dave is so judgmental.  I thought Amber was doing a GREAT job of guiding him when he was blindfolded, but all he could do was critique her.  No wonder she is a bundle of insecurities.  He is always judging her and finding her wanting.  He can never see the glass half full with her.  And then people blame her for feeling insecure!

Oh, and Dave's lack of trust for Amber - Those are his issues coming out.  She's not the only one with issues.  Hers are at least rooted in reality - she knows he isn't into her.  He acted like a freaking WUSS on that blindfold test.  All he could do was blame Amber for not instructing him well enough when he's the freaking baby.  I really don't like him AT ALL.

I got the feeling that a whole lot was edited out of the tale when Mia was describing whatever horrors she endured with her family as a child.  I can't imagine that it was only getting stared at and yelled at twice a week.  It had to be worse than that for Tristan to react that way.

Danielle is a cold fish.  I almost think that personality-wise she'd be better off with Dave.  He can't handle emotions at all.  He got all bent out of shape over Amber having a moment over a lost sock.  My husband and I have one meltdown a week over something that gets misplaced.  We melt down, it's over with and life goes on.  He made a federal case over it.

I feel sorry for Bobby.  He's too blinded by love to let any of Danielle's coldness get to him but one day I'm sure it will.  I don't think she can change enough and even in writing she was missing the mark big time.

Haha, just one meltdown a week?  My husband have one everyday since May until October over the air conditioner in the house and in the car.  I need it colder (hot flashes) and he’s always freezing, so likes it warm.  Every damn day, he puts it up and I go and put it down.  Same story every day.  What would Blondie say about that?  I’d like to know.

[qtpye]

1 hour ago, JAndy said:

Yea I can’t really blame him. Although he should just take her hand. 

Danielle’s “I’ll miss someone making me coffee in the morning”. Hahaha

 

1 hour ago, gonecrackers said:

Well Bobby, at least you have the dogs to clean up after; she tosses the dog's calming treats at him.

I'm thinking she may miss Henry more than Bobby.

Part of the note read: "Thanks for being you."  Stop gushing so much Danielle, you'll spoil him.

 

59 minutes ago, Straycat80 said:

Poor Bobby laying in bed forlornly watching Danielle pack for her trip. And then she says ‘I’ll miss Henry’. But, hey, she’ll miss Bobby making her coffee. 

Next week looks better than this one. 

 

57 minutes ago, Empress1 said:

Right! He needs to hear that she'll miss HIM, not what he does for her. Even the coffee could be reframed - "I love the quiet time we have together in the morning before work, I'll miss that." Or even just "I'll miss you too." How hard is that? Not just "I'll miss my indentured servant."

Two hours to build a dresser and Amber and Dave didn't even do it. My brother is terrible at putting stuff together; he knows that though so he either outsources it, buys shit that doesn't need assembling, or I do it and he buys me a meal after. (We were roommates in a two-bedroom in our adulthood for a bit; one time I heard him muttering to himself as he tried to assemble a tv stand and I actually got out of bed and did it.)

I think it absolutely makes sense. She didn't make you feel judged for not staying home, which I think is essential. There was a very judgmental vibe coming from Bobby's mother and sister, like they look down on mothers that work. Being a SAHM isn't best if you know it's not for you. The key is to do what's best for YOUR (general "your") family and not to judge others. I did not get that vibe from the women in Bobby's family.

Tristan and Mia were dressed for two completely different events on their date. It reminded me of Nick and Sonia where she wore her favorite dress and he wore jeans and a hoodie.

I was getting a weird vibe that she was sort of happy that she was going to get a break from him. I do think she will miss her dog but not so sure about Bobby.

Does anyone else think the ladies in Bobby's family do not really like her?

[Gem 10]

3 minutes ago, qtpye said:

 

 

 

I was getting a weird vibe that she was sort of happy that she was going to get a break from him. I do think she will miss her dog but not so sure about Bobby.

Does anyone else think the ladies in Bobby's family do not really like her?

Yes.  I do.

[LilaFowler]

Being a SAHM is a luxury that some people cannot afford. I've always had the impression that Bobby's family is fairly wealthy while Danielle seems to have middle class roots. I thought as much when she said that she always wants to grow her career so that she can ensure that she would always have a nice life. She doesn't have a trust fund and isn't expecting a wealthy husband to take care of her. I think her issue with expressing her emotions is sad. It is completely related to the way she was raised. The partner that she ends up with is going to need to be patient and understanding and luckily, Bobby is. I think she'll open up eventually but they're only a month or so into knowing each other.

Amber and Dave are such a mismatch. She's extremely insecure and he always finds something to critique. Next!

Why are Mia and Tristan always lounging in his bed? Tonight we actually saw them go out to dinner but I feel like most of their time on the show is spent having these draining conversations on Tristan's struggle bed. Is the $10k stipend really worth all this? What a waste of time.

[humbleopinion]

Unfiltered: Dave, Danielle and unfortunately JamieO.

Sock issued discussed: Amber cussing, throwing stuff, melting down because her lack of socks getting dressed.

Dave had big emotional reaction to her tantrum....he is mystified why she over reacts to nothing...but then he lets her affect him with him pouting and fuming for the next 2 hours....

Sex Yoga: Dave can't believe Bobby and Danielle agreed to do it.

Tantric lady kept saying orgasm over and over and Danielle described the session as "horrifying."

Phone swap : Bobby in his lobster boxers and socks... dude is comfy in front of the camera crew for sure...

Dave can't believe Tristan says he trusts Mia completely in the phone swap... Dave and Danielle didn't buy it....

Dave watching Dave in the scene of the lack of trustworthy guys in Amber's past conversation...Danielle calling Dave harsh for his judgement of Amber's past

Bobby and Danielle's dinner: The frustration is with the puppy poo situation not with each other.

Bonus footage: Decision Day looming for Dave...

Dave's ramblings when Jamie O asks point blank about D Day for him ...let's see what happens...find our way to to a more positive place, roadblocks in our relationship...optimistic...

What a load of bs, Dave.

 Unfiltered gang's reaction to watching Bobby telling Danielle he loves her....

Dave looks visibly touched and a little emotional because Bobby is his bro and he is happy for The Bobster...

Dave is his best self when around Bobby...Dave has told Bobby that he loves him...Danielle, it's not hard to do...

JamieO makes her usual facial gesticulations....her aww face

Danielle won't be forced to say "it" before she feels it..fair enough....

JamieO with her interviewer hat on...

Dave, under what circumstances are you willing to tell Amber you love her...Dave hemmed and hawed...

but what it would take ...is a loaded glock aimed in between his eyes...

Edited September 19, 2018 by humbleopinion