S02.E07: The Most Disappointed Man

[Guest]

8 hours ago, Biggie B said:

At what point did Randall give Deja's mother his number so that she could call collect?

I know nothing about foster homes but could the state agency be required to give her a number to reach her daughter at?  That wouldn't seem unreasonable to me.  

[bros402]

23 hours ago, biakbiak said:

Foster Children in NJ are encouraged to stay in their original schools regardless of the address of their new foster homes under the Educational Stability Law.

Yeah, but it seemed like Randall wanted to enroll her in whatever school the girls go to.

[debraran]

5 hours ago, Cara said:

I thought they said he cheated on Sophie. 

I saw that but again, in one of the too many interviews they give,  Justin said it was "one of the reasons" they broke up. Maybe just a way to keep people guessing.

[Pallas]

12 hours ago, theatremouse said:

Also I find it's often the case with couples, when one is riled up the other automatically goes calm, even if the calm one, were they alone, probably would've been equally riled. And this goes in both directions (ie it alternates who is the "calm" one). So it didn't seem odd to me that he might be remaining calm because she was not.

Great catch, Shadowfacts and theatremouse. Beth and Randall also perform this kind of tag-team-switch and even allude to it, when Beth becomes furious about Deja's mom not seeing her.  

[ShadowFacts]

13 hours ago, theatremouse said:

My impression of that scene was that Milo played it as Jack remaining calm in a "don't piss him off/fuck this up" kind of mode. Also I find it's often the case with couples, when one is riled up the other automatically goes calm, even if the calm one, were they alone, probably would've been equally riled. And this goes in both directions (ie it alternates who is the "calm" one). So it didn't seem odd to me that he might be remaining calm because she was not.

That's a great observation.  It just surprised me (mildly) that Jack remained pretty calm when he is usually the more intense, insistent and even impulsive one.  I was expecting him to go off more. 

[woodstock]

19 hours ago, gameshowjunkie said:

Like Randall I have little patience for parents who eff up their kids' lives. Screw up all you want but once you decide to have and keep a baby, grow the eff up. Her mom came across as playing a perpetual victim. We know she's been arrested multiple times but by her account it's always someone else's fault. The man she hooked up with when she was trying to kick her drug habit - part of getting sober is not getting involved in new romantic relationships.  I'm sure I sound judgmental,  but that's how I see it.

Yeah, I have very little sympathy for Deja's mom. No one's life is perfect and your socioeconomic status definitely impacts your choices/options/opportunities but at some point you have to grow up, use better judgment, make better decisions and stop blaming others (that really gets old). This is especially true if you have a child; since your life choices impacts the child. Deja's mom doesn't seem to grasp that. She seems to just live her life and do what she wants expecting Deja to just always be there waiting.

[PRgal]

7 hours ago, bros402 said:

Yeah, but it seemed like Randall wanted to enroll her in whatever school the girls go to.

You mean the school Randall's kids WILL eventually go to.  Tess and Annie aren't middle school aged yet and Randall mentioned a middle school (so we know that the girls' school is NOT a K-8 school). 

[GenevieveS]

14 hours ago, Winston9-DT3 said:

I know nothing about foster homes but could the state agency be required to give her a number to reach her daughter at?  That wouldn't seem unreasonable to me.  

Not only not required, but actively discouraged by some case workers for the foster parents to give out their own phone numbers, especially early in a case. The state agency would give her a contact number for her case worker, who should always know how to reach the child.

I had 6 placements. I only gave out my phone number twice and never right away. And one of those I gave it to the mom, but not the dad. (The other case they were married.)

[DeepPoet117]

Randall and his storyline was my favorite last season, but this season it seems like the writers are doing their best to make me not like him. If Randall and Beth went into doing foster care in order to adopt, then they shouldn't have taken a straight foster placement. There are thousands of legally free children available for them to adopt. 

[ShadowFacts]

1 hour ago, GenevieveS said:

Not only not required, but actively discouraged by some case workers for the foster parents to give out their own phone numbers, especially early in a case. The state agency would give her a contact number for her case worker, who should always know how to reach the child.

I had 6 placements. I only gave out my phone number twice and never right away. And one of those I gave it to the mom, but not the dad. (The other case they were married.)

It's undoubtedly different in different jurisdictions, but hereabouts inmates can't receive calls, only make them, and must pay for them and it's not cheap, even local calls.  It's privatized and it's a profit-making thing, same as depositing money into an inmate's account, there's a ten percent fee.  So some rules or best practices might have to be relaxed in the case of a parent being incarcerated.  And I don't think that's a bad thing. 

[Scarlett45]

Finally catching up on this episode via DVR- the young actress playing Deja, Lyric Ross  has such promise! The pain in her face when she couldn’t see her Mom but still needed to make sure she had funds in her commissary account. The casting of this show has been spot on. 

[GenevieveS]

23 hours ago, ShadowFacts said:

It's undoubtedly different in different jurisdictions, but hereabouts inmates can't receive calls, only make them, and must pay for them and it's not cheap, even local calls.  It's privatized and it's a profit-making thing, same as depositing money into an inmate's account, there's a ten percent fee.  So some rules or best practices might have to be relaxed in the case of a parent being incarcerated.  And I don't think that's a bad thing. 

True, and none of my kids' bio parents were incarcerated for any significant length of time, so that issue never came up. I'm not sure how we would have handled it in the cases where we weren't comfortable.

I should have added in my original post that I think Randall made exactly the right decision in choosing to give Deja's mother his number and encouraging her to call collect. He went there intending to tell the mother off for disappointing her little girl; upon realizing the bigger picture, the value of maintaining the connection between them in any way he could far outweighs any risks. Especially with a child Deja's age who is perfectly capable of telling her mother where she's living now. (I know some foster parents who set up Google Voice numbers or purchase cell phones for temporary use so they can give out a number that isn't tied to their home address and that they can cut off if it's mis-used, but that option would have required Randall to have gone to the jail with the idea of offering phone contact.)

[sara416]

On 11/7/2017 at 9:13 PM, AmandaPanda said:

I really love the whole foster storyline. Maybe it's because I'm a foster care worker, but it's hitting all my buttons. I love that Randall is realizing they're in over their heads and is trying to figure out how to best take care of Deja. I'm looking forward to seeing how the rest of the storyline goes.

 

This surprises me. I'm a therapist who has worked with the foster care system for years and this storyline is bothering me on so many levels. The speed at which it is going, the inappropriateness of Randall and the factual inaccuracies...ugh. I know all states are different, but they are not going to be able to fight for custody of Deja until the mom is out of prison (if her sentence isn't long enough for automatic termination of parental rights, which it doesn't seem like it will be). Randall never should have been able to visit Deja's mom on his own. And once again, he spoke out of turn in that it was NOT his job to explain why her mother did not want to see her. 

On 11/13/2017 at 1:24 PM, GenevieveS said:

Not only not required, but actively discouraged by some case workers for the foster parents to give out their own phone numbers, especially early in a case. The state agency would give her a contact number for her case worker, who should always know how to reach the child.

I had 6 placements. I only gave out my phone number twice and never right away. And one of those I gave it to the mom, but not the dad. (The other case they were married.)

Yes. I worked a case where the court documents were redacted so the foster mother's last name and address were blacked out. It can be dangerous in some cases for the bio parents to know where the kiddos are staying, and even in the cases where there is not active danger, it at least sets up poor boundaries. 

[Clanstarling]

2 hours ago, sara416 said:

Yes. I worked a case where the court documents were redacted so the foster mother's last name and address were blacked out. It can be dangerous in some cases for the bio parents to know where the kiddos are staying, and even in the cases where there is not active danger, it at least sets up poor boundaries. 

I don't remember the details anymore, but we had a case here where the parents held a social worker at gunpoint (she was delivering the kids for a supervised visit, I think), and took the kids. They were caught and ended up going to prison and lost their parental rights.

[ShadowFacts]

9 hours ago, sara416 said:

Yes. I worked a case where the court documents were redacted so the foster mother's last name and address were blacked out. It can be dangerous in some cases for the bio parents to know where the kiddos are staying, and even in the cases where there is not active danger, it at least sets up poor boundaries. 

In this case, Deja is old enough to tell her mother or anyone else exactly where she is. 

[Indy]

Damnit show, I think I don't hate Toby anymore. I really want to not like him, I've tried so hard not to give into the show's pressure to not hate Toby. But then he goes and asks dead daddy for advice and Kate's hand and does the hoodies and proposes and crap I think I like him. 

[DearEvette]

Finally got around to watching this.  Count me in as one who isn't necessarily Team Deja's mom.  Her "I love my child" speech is nice and all, but it doesn't actually mean she's good for her child.  And I don't hold Randall's judgemental reaction toward her mom against him.  The majority of people will have an immediate knee jerk judgemental action toward an incarcerated person absent any additional knowledge of why they are in prison.  Even if there are exigent circumstances, some people will still make noises about the "choices you've made" to get there and feel on some level you deserve to be there.

If a parent in any situation is a no-show with no explanation after a child has been excited about seeing them, I'd feel some kinda way about that parent.  I know for a fact that until we actually got the mother's explanation about her now show, I was in complete agreement with Randall.

Nice shout out to the photographer talking about lighting poor little brown Randall in the picture.

Favorite line "Don't get it twisted, sis, I wake up every morning to a head scarf and cocoa butter."  LOL.  Randall got hood real quick right there.

[Medicine Crow]

2 hours ago, DearEvette said:

Favorite line "Don't get it twisted, sis, I wake up every morning to a head scarf and cocoa butter."  LOL.  Randall got hood real quick right there.

Love that too!!!

[CelticBlackCat]

I thought it was coconut oil, so I looked it up:

"And don't get it twisted sis. I wake up every morning next to a headscarf and coconut oil. I'm married to a black queen. Not that it's any of your business."  -- Randall 

from TV Fanatic. tvfanatic.com

[Negritude]

Big chop, Cheerleading is not drill team... come on show! 

These are probably some of the most well written, authentic sounding Black characters ever on celluloid #blackwritersmatter lol