Best Quotes from the show

[chickenella]

When Dr. Now came into the room after Steven had been ringing the call button and asks him why he's doing that, then:

Steven: Everybody has feelings

Dr. Now (smiling): Well, ah..yeah. Why do you say that?

It just struck me as odd that he would say everybody has feelings, like his are the only ones that mattered. What about the nurses' feelings? You know, the ones you were harassing and yelling at.

[Lizz]

Dr. Now in the hallway after meeting patients for the first time:

"Dis is dangerous situation."  

Charlie talking about Nicole: (paraphrased)

"When I saw her for the first time, my mouth just dropped open."  

You can close it now.

[Calicocats]

"With everything going on, I just haven't had time/energy/whatever to stick to the diet"

-Everyone (most recently, Justin)

[Gigglepuff]

When Dr. Now told Steven to "stop doing these weird things," referring to Steven's hair pulling. 

[notyrmomma]

How about when James missed his appointment with Dr. Now and said "I had too much going on to make my appointment" or "I didn't want to leave my family right now" yeahhhhh...ok

[Moloch Must Die]

Any time Steven Sr. answered the phone and saw it was Steven Jr. and said, "Oh my gaaaaahd." 

[TicketToHellPaid]

Looks like a perfect storm of dysfunction is coming-

Dr Now, Assanti's from hell episode

Edited April 12, 2017 by TicketToHellPaid

[TicketToHellPaid]

Chuck to Nissa..

"you want me to get th medication now?"

screw her pain, boys gotta eat

 

I hide a taco in my purse to eat later..Gilbert don't know

 

[DC Gal in VA]

From Part 2 of the Steven and Justin episode when Steven calls his father screaming hysterically demanding that he get him out of detox:

"This place is the Devil's playground!!!"

As I posted during the live chat, "No Steven, that would be your mind!"

Sick, twisted, fame seeking attention ho.

[DC Gal in VA]

36 minutes ago, TicketToHellPaid said:

Chuck to Nissa..

"you want me to get th medication now?"

screw her pain, boys gotta eat

 

I hide a taco in my purse to eat later..Gilbert don't know

 

Did you TicketToHellPaid or anyone else feel physically uncomfortable every time there was a close-up of her face/neck? I always got an almost choking feeling because of the way her neck was completely obstructed by the amount of fat covering her throat and the way her eyes always seemed to be popping out of her head. I felt bad that she just had to be so uncomfortable. Hopefully there will be good news in tomorrow's episode about how she's doing now.

[TicketToHellPaid]

19 hours ago, DC Gal in VA said:

Did you TicketToHellPaid or anyone else feel physically uncomfortable every time there was a close-up of her face/neck? I always got an almost choking feeling because of the way her neck was completely obstructed by the amount of fat covering her throat and the way her eyes always seemed to be popping out of her head. I felt bad that she just had to be so uncomfortable. Hopefully there will be good news in tomorrow's episode about how she's doing now.

I was more uncomfortable waiting for the Humpty Dumpty had a big fall moment I assumed would happen, I pictured her falling from the toilet and tacos and nachos and chalupas spilling out of her. :)

but yes yo you too, lol

Edited April 12, 2017 by TicketToHellPaid

[DC Gal in VA]

8 minutes ago, TicketToHellPaid said:

I was more uncomfortable waiting for the Humpty Dumpty had a big fall moment I assumed would happen, I pictured her falling from the toilet and tacos and nachos and chalupas spilling out of her. :)

but yes yo you too, lol

Tee hee! Actually the way you describe her possible big fall moment (not wishing that on her, BTW), and what would spill out of her, perhaps a piñata might be a more appropriate visual, LOL!

[TicketToHellPaid]

4 minutes ago, DC Gal in VA said:

Tee hee! Actually the way you describe her possible big fall moment (not wishing that on her, BTW), and what would spill out of her, perhaps a piñata might be a more appropriate visual, LOL!

Piñata stuffed with tacos and nachos..mmmm

[TicketToHellPaid]

Well it is impossible to top Penny so here is my love letter to her..yes Penny, you have the best quotes.

 

This is my bed, my bathroom, my kitchen, my eating area..my whole life..you have to come into my area to be with me(something like that, pics tell all)

 

Oops I forgot..

The Dr, the MD, the Expert- if your oxygen saturation is better than mine why do you need oxygen?

 

Penny the Pig-  I don't know the exact medical reason but I'm starting to get really uncomfortable without my oxygen and...

 

The Dr, the MD, the Expert- dirty mischievous look inserted, Yes Pig, we turn it back on

[Otter]

Penny is truly the queen of quotes from this show.  Not an ounce of humility or self-awareness.  Liam seems like such a likeable little kid -- hope he gets to have some sort of normal life.  Not to worry though, Penny tells us she's a much better mother being a bedridden wonton eater (she'd die without wontons) than all those other moms who go to work everyday.  Guess that also includes SAHMs because they're busy playing with the kids outside and doing laundry and grocery shopping and stuff like that.  

Dr. Now:  "Penny is delusional."

[NeitherSparky]

So its not a "best quote" in fact its the opposite...Who was it who said she was "missing a roll" to Dr Now when he was saying it didn't look like she lost weight? It was either Penny or Pauline. Well she had been saying that that was the roll that she would normally "punch" her insulin into.

So ever since then, every morning when I take my insulin, that phrase goes through my head "punch my roll" and I HATE IT, it makes me sick. But I can't keep it from going through my head now, every single morning. :P Injections are bad enough but eugh, that phrase, "punch my roll" to refer to taking an insulin shot. :/ I don't know if it will ever leave me.

[Bunnygirl]

James K when the nurse is removing the (very small) I.V. line from his neck:

" Am I gonna bleed out ?!"  ?

[TicketToHellPaid]

Neithe

21 hours ago, NeitherSparky said:

So its not a "best quote" in fact its the opposite...Who was it who said she was "missing a roll" to Dr Now when he was saying it didn't look like she lost weight? It was either Penny or Pauline. Well she had been saying that that was the roll that she would normally "punch" her insulin into.

So ever since then, every morning when I take my insulin, that phrase goes through my head "punch my roll" and I HATE IT, it makes me sick. But I can't keep it from going through my head now, every single morning. :P Injections are bad enough but eugh, that phrase, "punch my roll" to refer to taking an insulin shot. :/ I don't know if it will ever leave me.

You need to rewatch some episodes cuz Penny Pig said that one too.

you don't have her episode memorized? I do, I could probably mute my tv and speak the whole thing, ya..not bragging but it's a classic.

[Calicocats]

It is probably healthier to eat all these fried wontons than to eat nothing -Penny

-how are those your only two options? 

-You have 800 (okay, 550 for Penny) pounds of food in you: Dr Now

[Otter]

43 minutes ago, Calicocats said:

It is probably healthier to eat all these fried wontons than to eat nothing -Penny

-how are those your only two options? 

-You have 800 (okay, 550 for Penny) pounds of food in you: Dr Now

I think Edgar said that -- something like it's healthier than ordering out.  What?  Deep fried is deep fried and commercial fryers, including woks, don't give you a soggy mess of oil.  

Lol, I'm watching Pauline's episode right now.  She's got an hour's worth of quotes too.  Dr. Now getting her weight at discharge and she refuses to get out of bed because she's not dressed:  "This isn't a fashion show".  :D  It's almost time for bingo and tacos!  Her poor son.  

[Pretty5Vacant]

TicketToHellPaid- lol, those pictures! The faces are hilarious freeze framed. Thankyou!

Penny saying she felt like Cleopatra..not sure of her exact quote but damn!

Possible EMT quote-

"Fat girl please" 

[TicketToHellPaid]

A couple more

[Threnners]

"Carbs are not a part of your life anymore"   - Dr. Now

[Snarkasm]

On 3/24/2017 at 5:23 PM, 4leafclover said:

 

  "What is your eating habit?"  Dr. Now

Eating everything that isn't tied down. 

[Miss Chevious]

17 hours ago, Snarkasm said:

Eating everything that isn't tied down. 

Or everything I order my enablers to bring to me. Fraaahhd rice anyone?

[DC Gal in VA]

Kind of related, but does anyone find themselves quoting certain lines from this show in their daily lives?

Whenever I go grocery shopping and my eyes land on something I know that I have absolutely no business eating, I'll say to myself a la James K, "But it's what ah waaaaaaaaannnt!" I usually don't buy whatever it is. Usually.

[Calicocats]

10 hours ago, DC Gal in VA said:

Kind of related, but does anyone find themselves quoting certain lines from this show in their daily lives?

Whenever I go grocery shopping and my eyes land on something I know that I have absolutely no business eating, I'll say to myself a la James K, "But it's what ah waaaaaaaaannnt!" I usually don't buy whatever it is. Usually.

"He needs to get his poop in a group" -Penny

I have used that one, I am not ashamed to admit!

[DC Gal in VA]

3 hours ago, Calicocats said:

"He needs to get his poop in a group" -Penny

I have used that one, I am not ashamed to admit!

Seriously, Penny said that!? I guess I shouldn't be surprised about anything that would come out of (or into) that mouth, LMAO.

[junip]

"Ok. For your information, white bread and wheat bread have the same amount of calorie."

Does this bed make me look fat?

Edited May 1, 2017 by junip

[Calicocats]

5 hours ago, DC Gal in VA said:

Seriously, Penny said that!? I guess I shouldn't be surprised about anything that would come out of (or into) that mouth, LMAO.

Yes, about Dr. Now.  I think it was because she was on a soft diet. 

[Snarkasm]

On 4/30/2017 at 6:21 PM, Miss Chevious said:

Or everything I order my enablers to bring to me. Fraaahhd rice anyone?

yauh, gimme some of the regg rolls.   I gotta leave room for my dessurt.

On 4/30/2017 at 6:21 PM, Miss Chevious said:

Or everything I order my enablers to bring to me. Fraaahhd rice anyone?

yauh, gimme some of the regg rolls.   I gotta leave room for my deessurt.

Edited May 2, 2017 by Snarkasm
typo

[Tabbygirl521]

To Nikki: "Let us look at this wound vacuumation."

[marz]

Dr. Now to Steven when he forces him to look into the mirror.  "You don't look human anymore".

[Stripper Glitter]

Zsalyn about donuts - "I just want to make love to them with my mouth"

Multiple people - "There aren't a lot of healthy options when you're traveling, so we HAVE to eat fast food".

Christina's mother, as they leave her in the hospital: "I've never left her by herself before. Y'all just don't know!" <sobs>

[junip]

"C'mon. That's not.. mathematically possible."

[toodles]

Sean's mother to Dr. Now-We decided 800 calories is not enough food.

Pauline as she stands herself up on her tiny feet, which are holding up her ginormous legs-Ouchee, my toe hurts.  Seriously?

Edited May 6, 2017 by toodles

[Stripper Glitter]

Dr. Now, to someone who gained weight after being sent to lose 20 30 50 lbs in a couple of weeks/month - might have been Christina - "It's not water", in response to the person's claim that water retention was responsible for the gain.

[DC Gal in VA]

James K's episode is in again right now; just starting. Noticed yet another Jamesism:

After polishing off his infamous breakfast plate of six eggs, six sausage patties, and six biscuits covered in gravy he says:

"If I had my way, every day would begin with food and end with food."

But you are having things your way aren't you James? Isn't that an accurate description of EVERY DAY for you James? WTF?

[Nancypants]

On 3/25/2017 at 11:08 AM, Katt said:

My fave is actually from these boards: Does this mattress make me look fat?
Kudos to that poster! ROFLMAO!

You are welcome!

[Pretty5Vacant]

Re-reading these had me rollin'!!

Nikki and her dad driving by the donut shop that she used to frequent and she tells him, "they probaby think something bad happened to me" Then her dad says, "they're probably saying, how are we going to make our rent" lol!! Then they crack up

[DevilsPlayground]

On 3/24/2017 at 1:49 PM, TicketToHellPaid said:

I won't steal the obvious from those that made some of the best their screen names here, you guys have the honor, please everyone, share some favorite quotes.

 

one of my faves is when Gilbert told Lupe "to pray to Jesus to change your frickin' attitude"

Penny

 

"nobody said I'd have to lose weight after surgery" (something like that)

 

"I can clean my own vagina"

“Oww Mah Layg!!” and “This is the devil’s playground”.

[Mu Shu]

“Let’s just try it again!! You bunch of Bastards!”.

”Because I have to be cleaned outside like a mammal (animal?)”

”Nicole says it’s humiliating that I have to hose her butt, and it’s gross sometimes “.

And I agree with Nicole. Who puts wood floors in a hotel room?

Edited December 23, 2017 by Mu Shu

[Mrs. Hanson]

This may not be a direct quote per say but when Dr. Now was going over all the pain meds Mr. Steven had conned people into prescribing, and it was just the meds in Houston, then he turned the page to keep reading.....I gasped.  I was like what the hell?  How is he still alive?

On 4/11/2017 at 4:53 AM, notyrmomma said:

How about when James missed his appointment with Dr. Now and said "I had too much going on to make my appointment" or "I didn't want to leave my family right now" yeahhhhh...ok

I laugh at that one, too.  But you have plenty of time and energy to con everyone to get you sixteen big macs?  

James: "I held my tongue when he spoke to me."  Really James?  You had to put down the fraaaid rice to do that?  Cause you have a fork of fraaaid rice in one hand and Whopper in teh other, I bet.

[Irate Panda]

On 3/26/2017 at 6:18 PM, gardendiva said:

Nicole, after trying to flop her bulk onto the hotel bed on wheels and it rolled: (paraphrasing) "What kind of hotel uses wood on their floors?!"

I loved this and a bit afterwards when she calls her ENTIRE family BASTARDS because she has to try and SIT on the bed for a second time.  I mean I can see her point, I hate when people ask me to do exhausting shit like sitting.

 

[Mrs. Hanson]

2 hours ago, Irate Panda said:

I loved this and a bit afterwards when she calls her ENTIRE family BASTARDS because she has to try and SIT on the bed for a second time.  I mean I can see her point, I hate when people ask me to do exhausting shit like sitting.

 

 

2 hours ago, Irate Panda said:

Nicole, after trying to flop her bulk onto the hotel bed on wheels and it rolled: (paraphrasing) "What kind of hotel uses wood on their floors?!"

I stayed in a hotel this summer that had wood floors and I thought it was pretty snazzy!!  Although I am good with my height/weight ratio.  

Bolding mine:  Yeah, once my family asked me to sit and I was all up in their faces!!  "WHAT THE HELL???"  Truthfully, if anyone yelled and cursed at me I would be gone.  No need to try to apologize, I would just be gone.

[Mu Shu]

On 12/23/2017 at 8:48 PM, Irate Panda said:

I loved this and a bit afterwards when she calls her ENTIRE family BASTARDS because she has to try and SIT on the bed for a second time.  I mean I can see her point, I hate when people ask me to do exhausting shit like sitting.

 

I love Nicole.

[auntjess]

I've enjoyed rereading this so much.
The only one I'd add, is "your boat--your sister's life."

[toodles]

12 hours ago, auntjess said:

I've enjoyed rereading this so much.
The only one I'd add, is "your boat--your sister's life."

I'll take the boat for $200, Alex.

[Mrs. Hanson]

15 hours ago, auntjess said:

I've enjoyed rereading this so much.
The only one I'd add, is "your boat--your sister's life."

Was that the one with the woman who had dark long hair and a severe bangs?  And she seemed to be darting her eyes back and forth a lot?  I am sorry I am not more descriptive.  She was really unpleasant (shocker there) and her siblings did not have a lot of faith in her?

 

On 5/10/2017 at 3:25 PM, DC Gal in VA said:

"If I had my way, every day would begin with food and end with food."

But you are having things your way aren't you James? Isn't that an accurate description of EVERY DAY for you James? WTF?

No kidding - his day starts, ends and fills up every waking hour with food.  

[auntjess]

1 hour ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

Was that the one with the woman who had dark long hair and a severe bangs?  And she seemed to be darting her eyes back and forth a lot?  I am sorry I am not more descriptive.  She was really unpleasant (shocker there) and her siblings did not have a lot of faith in her?

 

It was either Erica or Diana, I get them mixed up.  They both depended on nieces, but I think it was the one with the really bitchy sister.