Explain it to Me Like I'm Lily: Recaps for the Disenchanted

[peach]

It's really a DREAM home, isn't it?  A bad dream.

[Capricasix]

I guess I get the fuse box.  But on the wall in the dining room?  The fuck?

I'm told by some Internet friends that many homes in different areas of the US don't have basements (where a fusebox would normally be located). I don't know if Wisconsin is one of those areas, though!

[Suby]

Then shouldn't it be located somewhere relatively inconspicuous? It just struck me as so weird and plot driven.  Turd has a basement.  But then again he's Turd and Neil is apparently on a limited income.

[bayviewbubba]

That place would definitely have a basement(tornado country if nothing else), and houses built up until the 60's had fuses. Lots of older houses in that area would still have the fuses (if they hadn't been sold and

had to bring things up to code) in the basement.

But it would be waaay too expensive to show a basement, and waste valuable air time since Neil would have

had to crawl up and down those stairs. And we don't care about no stinking building codes.

Result: the fuse box in the dining room.

[Runningwild]

I'm told by some Internet friends that many homes in different areas of the US don't have basements (where a fusebox would normally be located). I don't know if Wisconsin is one of those areas, though!

I don't know anyone in FL that has a basement. Our breaker box is in the garage. If you have a basement, it's a sinkhole. Edited August 12, 2014 by Runningwild

[photo fox]

I think every house has either a fuse box or breaker box. But it'd be in the basement, or barring that, a laundry room or utility closet.

I have a basement, but had my breaker box moved to my laundry, because my basement is just. that. creepy. I don't go down there for ANYBODY. lol

[Petunia13]

I think every house has either a fuse box or breaker box. But it'd be in the basement, or barring that, a laundry room or utility closet.

I have a basement, but had my breaker box moved to my laundry, because my basement is just. that. creepy. I don't go down there for ANYBODY. lol

Probably every place (business or residential) with electricity has a fuse box. I've only used one to restore power twice in my life.

Lol about your basement. What's up with everyone's aversion to basements. My son is 1 and gets this look on his face and clenches my arm or shoulder when I take him to with to do laundry.

Back to Neil...so they are making him look all pathetic why? That way it stings more when this shit comes out? As if I cared and as

If he won't have a new fiancé or wife in 6 months.

[Oly]

I have a breaker box but it is not in the dining room or even downstairs---it is behind the door in my office (which is a spare bedroom upstairs) and I put a poster over it except when I need to trip a breaker (usually due to the furnace--lol) Poor Neil he is just not very handy around the house...apparently and yeah--both Neil and Jack change the love of their life frequently, like after the second date if not the first--sigh.

[peach]

Mon, Aug 11, 2014

 

Summer comes home to find Austin with a cute little Christmas tree.  Either they’re going to celebrate early before he goes to prison, or they’re the hosts of a new HGTV show, Malibu Christmas.   I’m waiting for Austin to give me some crafty holiday ideas.

 

Jack is leaving for his trip to break up with Phyllis in the coma clinic.  “Even if she can’t hear me, if she can’t understand me, it’s important that I tell Phyllis in person what I’ve told everyone else.  That I have fallen deeply in love with a beautiful woman named Kelly, and I’m ready to start my new life with her.”  Really?  That’s what he’s going to say?  Kelly thinks Jack is super honorable, and is commemorating the occasion by displaying ample bosom in a snug, raspberry dress.  Oh, wait, she wants Jack to stop.  “Don’t go!”

 

Mariah’s at the club to see Ian.  She tells him her mom called.  “I see.  I hope she’s not planning a visit.”  He seems pretty worried about this.  Mariah says she doubts her mom even know where she lives.  Ian thinks they should keep it that way.  He fears Helen doesn’t have her best interests at heart the way he does.  Hmm, maybe Ian just doesn’t like competition.

 

Nick’s at The Underground.  He’s checking with the KY Nurses Association to track down Helen Copeland.  She’s not in their database.  Sharon comes in and asks him what’s wrong.

 

Cane brings Lily the club’s financial reports and pretends it’s bad, but SURPRISE, Lily is an instant success!  The club made a profit even after everyone said it wouldn’t because of that hostage crisis.  They did it, dysfunctional family matters and abuse of patrons aside!

 

Hilary and Devon are in the sketchy affair bar, and Hilary is dreading telling Neil she’s dumping him for his devoted son.   Replay of Neil’s shocking accident in the money pit.  Hilary wonders if she should just leave a message that says their marriage was a mistake.  Devon votes no.    Maybe a text?

 

Nick LIES to Sharon and says he’s just frustrated with an employee background check.  Actually that’s almost true.  Very tricky.  He starts kissing Sharon’s neck to distract her.  She’s trying to find a new therapist.  Nick can’t believe Victor would try to use Dr. Mead for information, and Sharon’s not surprised at all.  She is surprised that Dr. Mead betrayed her.  She was the one person in her life that Sharon trusted, besides Nick, of course.  Nick looks at his Helen Copeland notepad guiltily.

 

Mariah tells Ian she’s really grateful for everything Ian’s done for her, but she’s not a kid anymore.  She has a job and a home now, mooching off other people.  And hey, he wanted her to stay close to Nick and Sharon, who are good people.  She asks if he’s happy for her?  Yes, yes, he’s very proud of her, and they have a special bond.  She can always count on him.  Mariah says it goes both ways, and she knows he’s had his own disappointment recently, trying to ruin the mom of that good man she has the hots for.  Ian says he’s hardly defeated.  The Newmans have power and influence and that’s why he’s even more determined to enlighten everyone about that misbegotten clan.

 

Summer says that is the most beautiful Christmas tree she has ever seen.  And Christmas is Summer’s favorite holiday.  He plays Christmas carols and gets ready to serve eggnog.  He made it himself!  Find the recipe at Malibu Christmas on HGTV.  He gives her a present.  Oh, Austin, she thought you guys were trying to save money.  <pause while I get my eyes unrolled>  He managed to scrape some together what with the free rent and…selling his camera.  <gasp>  Is this going to be like Gift of the Magi?  Did she sell her hair to buy camera lens???  It’s…it’s a diamond wedding band.   This is the ring she deserves, and he’s dying to put it on her finger.  He is so darn cute.  Summer’s face crinkles.

 

Wait, Jack, don’t go!  Kelly didn’t get a goodbye kiss.  Smoochy smooch.  Blah blah.  Kelly’s a downer and says in her experience, if something’s too good to be true…it usually is.  Phyllis being in a coma is just too good to be true.

 

Victor’s in Georgia.  Coma doc says Phyllis isn’t likely to have a change in her condition.  Victor says he doesn’t like to hear negative things, K?  Don’t make him feed you to sharks.  He’s there to see that Phyllis gets the treatment to get her out of that damn coma, K?

 

Jack says Kelly’s allowed to feel whatever dumb thing she’s feeling.  She apologizes for being insecure, but he understands how much tragedy she’s faced, blah blah blah.  Doesn’t he have a plane to catch?  They are going to let the past GO, his and hers.  Believe it.

 

Summer weeps.  The ring is perfect.  Wow, what do you know, she has a surprise present she’s been waiting to give him, too, although there was no reason to have not given it to him yet.  It’s… a camera lens.  AS GOD AS MY WITNESS, I didn’t know that was going to happen.  LOL.  This show.  It’s just like that story, Austin says, The Gift of The Magi, only that one had a happy ending.  It did?  I remember that being a really depressing story for some reason.  Austin has mistletoe to cheer up Summer and make their own “happy ending.”  No comment.

 

Lily and Cane are so proud of what they’ve achieved.  See, she wasn’t crazy to leave Jabot to run a hotel.  She’s crazy for entirely different reasons.

 

Now that Hilary’s given her heart to Devon, she asks him what to do every other second.  She should call Neil again?  Yes, Devon wants her to try again.  She leaves a voicemail telling Neil they need to meet.   She really needs to talk to him at their place. “That’s good,” says Devon.  Good girl, Hilary.  She tells Devon he has to tell someone, too.  Lily.  Devon knows she’s going to flip out but he needs her to be there for Neil after they destroy his soul.

 

Neil’s still lying on the floor while sparks fly.

 

Sharon wishes she could just pronounce herself cured.  Just do it, Sharon!  But Nick says she needs to find a new therapist and stay on the medication that makes their life possible.  Sharon talks about how horrible Ian is and how he sicced the paparazzi on Nikki with their daughter sitting right there.   Nick worries about Mariah’s connection to Ian, but Sharon thinks the best antidote to Ian Ward is showing her the happy family they have instead.  She has to get to a business meeting, which is also therapy, she says.  Nick looks at Helen Copeland’s name again.

 

Mariah calls out Ian for leaking Nikki’s journal to the press.  NICK told her all about it, including how it hurt Faith, “which is kind of sick, Ian, she’s a little girl.”  And Nick says… Ian’s like hold up on the “Nick says” stuff.  Well, Nick is awesome, and even if he’s a little older than Mariah, he’s unlike any guy she’s ever met.  Ian gets an uh-oh face.  He’s like, I’ve watched you struggle your whole life to form an identity and you have a good thing going now, so don’t screw it up!  She’s like, hey, you’ve always said to follow my Path wherever it leads.  (See, this is why you don’t say stuff like that to kids.)   She asks if he’s giving her orders?  They bicker about HER path.  Anyway, she told Ian about her mom, and she has to get to work.

 

Jack and Kelly blah blah, now I’M going into a coma.

 

Victor is on the phone with whomever has gotten Daniel Romalotti to accept a generous grant to the most well-renowned artist colony in Europe.  Everyone will understand why he is leaving his mother’s side.

 

Cane and Lily are going to go celebrate in a hotel suite.  Devon walks up to Lily because he has to tell her something.  She is SO EXCITED about the great news of making money.  Hilary rushes in and asks Cane if he knows where Neil is.  She cannot get a hold of him and it’s just not like Neil.  She knows Cane is holding out on her about where he is, but Cane says he doesn’t want to ruin the surprise.

 

Sharon surprises Ian by sitting down at his table at the club.  She scolds him for traumatizing her daughter with the tabloid stuff, and he tries to play dumb, but she tells him to save it.  She asks if his next dirty trick will involve Mariah’s mom.  Sharon wants to know if Helen is capable of coming to town and causing trouble.  Ian says she’s capable of anything.  Oh, and Ian isn’t?  He says Mariah still needs guidance that, of course, only Ian can provide.

 

Nick’s fumbling around with a huge box, and Mariah rushes to help.  Nick says it’s not gonna fly for her to throw herself into work to make him forget how mad he is at her for lying about her mom being dead.  But Mariah’s super sorry, and she’s lied her whole life and doesn’t want to keep doing it.  Nick asks if she learned that from her mom.  She doesn’t want to talk about her mom.  “Well, what if I want to talk about her?” asks Nick.

 

Jack gets to the coma clinic.  A nurse is happy to see him and thinks it’s wonderful how devoted he is to the woman he loves.  Yeaaaah, she’s not here right now.  Clingy Kelly is already leaving him a message because Phyllis might steal him back while unconscious, which maybe isn’t impossible.  She tells him he’s doing the right thing, which isn’t self-serving or anything.  She wants to say what an amazing job he’s doing handling things.  And she loves him.  Get a hobby, Kelly.

 

Mariah snows Nick about how great he and Sharon are and how they’re helping her be less dependent on Ian, and she can see that there is more than one side to him now.  Nick’s so glad.  Gosh, she’s realizing a lot of things lately, and that someone’s out there for her.  Deep stare.

 

Ian claims that he’s done his best to protect Mariah from her mother’s influence.  But now that she’s becoming more sure of herself, she might not listen to him as much.  Blah blah another stepping stone in her journey, and he’s so glad she has Sharon in her life.  Sharon’s sizing him up.

 

Lily can be bitchy to more people than Hilary and is nasty to the florist on the phone.  Lily’s life is sooo hard, you guys.  But she’s super happy because she gets to be successful doing what she loves with the people she loves. Isn’t it wonderful, Devon?!  She thanks him for buying the club and letting her and Cane run it.  She’s never been more PROUD to call him her brother.  Devon doesn’t look very excited about this ringing endorsement. Lily’s getting worried…just what did he come to tell her?

 

Cane has brought Hilary to the death trap dream home.  She’s like, what IS this place?  Omg!  Neil!  He’s on the floor with sparks flying!  They rush to his side.  Neil! Neil!  Neil!  Cane calls an ambulance.

 

Jack sits quietly with Phyllis.  “Good to see you, Red.”  He takes her hand, and the camera pans up and up to show Sleeping Beauty who has lost ten years while sleeping for one.   Her makeup is tastefully done.

 

Victor is plotting to himself in his hotel room.  “You’re going to be one of the lucky ones, Phyllis.  I’ll make sure of that.”  Because Victor can buy luck.

 

Summer and Austin are dancing next to their fire and Christmas tree.  She says it’s the best Christmas ever.  Lots of kissing.  Tomorrow he's going to dress them up in green for St. Patrick's Day and show us how to make corned beef and cabbage.

 

Nick is glad Mariah is seeing the light about Ian, because no matter what he’s done for her in the past, the truth is he’s just no good.  And he doesn’t want him around anyone he cares about.  You guys, did you hear that?  She tells herself, in that case, Nick, I’m gonna make you care…about me.  She has happy mischief in her eyes.

 

Sharon is so glad Mariah’s in her life, too, because there’s always room for another competitor for Nick.  Better Sharon than Ian, she says.  Ian only wants what’s best for the girl.  He only hopes Nick realizes his responsibility as a FATHER figure.  Well, Nick doesn’t need advice from IAN.  He can give Mariah something Ian never could.  Yeaaah.  Sharon leaves.

 

If Devon has something to tell Lily, he should just say it!  But the phone rings instead.  It’s Cane.  He says he’s called the ambulance and for Neil and Devon to meet them at Memorial.  Too bad the Swiss Army knife of doctors, Stitch, won’t be there to save him.

Edited August 12, 2014 by peach

[Suby]

Thanks for getting my point Oly.

If a house has electricity you have either a breaker box or an antiquated fuse box. I just thought it was funny that:
A. Neil bought a fixer upper with a fuse box.
B. Said fuse box is on the dining room wall instead of basement, garage, spare room, etc.
C. This is all we have to discuss about this show.  :D

Edited August 12, 2014 by Suby

[PsychedelicTrip]

   Great recap!  I laughed the whole way through!  It's good to be back. 

Edited August 13, 2014 by PsychedelicTrip

[movinon]

Loved the St. Patrick's Day thing.  I have a grandson in the Persian Gulf right now and this topic makes my day bearable.  The laughs are few and far between at the moment and I really look forward to your recaps.  Thanks so much.

[Petunia13]

I love Peach's recaps! My fave way to read them is after or before the show and with a snack or coffee because it's such a treat.

Occasionally my son looks up from his fussing with stuffed animals wondering why I am laughing like a hyena on nitrous oxide but he will understand Mummy once he sees and comprehends this show.

Edited August 15, 2014 by Petunia13

[Lamplighter]

I know it's a long shot, but is there a particular reason Victor cares about Phyllis' recovery or did they just need to fill pages of script?

[PatsyandEddie]

The ONLY reason Victor is giving a passing shit about Phyl's recovery is THE SECRET. He is aware that the only other person who knows about Sharon's secret is Phyllis. So he has to wake her up so that he can save Nick from the clutches of that evil woman. Once he hears whatever she has to say, she could roll over and die for all he cares.

[peach]

Hey, guys!  Sorry I've been away from here this week.  I live in St Louis, and our local issues have been a little...distracting, to say the least. I don't live in the area where all the stuff has been going down, but it's affected our whole city.  The "drama" in Genoa City has been overshadowed by our actual drama.  I think our city has veered back from going off the rails now, at least I pray that that is so.

 

Time to check up on the doings of Wisconsin.

[Capricasix]

Hey, guys!  Sorry I've been away from here this week.  I live in St Louis, and our local issues have been a little...distracting, to say the least. I don't live in the area where all the stuff has been going down, but it's affected our whole city.  The "drama" in Genoa City has been overshadowed by our actual drama.  I think our city has veered back from going off the rails now, at least I pray that that is so.

 

Time to check up on the doings of Wisconsin.

Peach, I can only speak for myself, but I've been riveted by what happened in Ferguson and the subsequent turmoil. I hope things are a little less fraught today. (And I live in Canada.)

[photo fox]

@peach!  I had no idea you were in STL.  I live a couple hours from there, but consider it my "city", since that's where we go for games, concerts, what have you.  I'm so relieved that things seem to be simmering down.

 

Anywho, carry on!

[peach]

Tue, Aug 12, 2014

 

Well, this is awkward.  Christine sits watching Paul and Nikki work on the jigsaw puzzle, seething with resentment.  Paul and Nikki are oblivious because it's Paul and Nikki.  Nikki finally decides to take her drama elsewhere and let them get back to their vacation.  “Honeymoon,” Chris points out acridly.  What??  OH, she is SO SORRY, and why didn’t Paul TELL her, since it wouldn’t have mattered one bit?!  Paul is like, don’t be silly, they don’t MIND having company!!  Chris is maybe going to murder Nikki.  Nikki says she wouldn’t have come, and Chris is like, and why did you come?    Nikki pours on the baby voice…she told you, Chris, she had to come tell Paul about her journal.  Duh. Chris is like yeah, that’s rough, and why aren’t you telling your own husband this? 

 

It seems Nikki’s husband is too busy on his fool’s errand in Georgia at the coma clinic.  He’s in the hallway asking the doctor about Phyllis, and JACK IS RIGHT INSIDE.  How he can’t hear Victor Newman’s voice piercing through his consciousness, I don’t know, but anyway, he’s telling Phyllis how beautiful she is because this coma clinic also seems to be a spa.  Blah blah Phyllis is the best, like her VOICE, ahahaha.  He would give anything for her to wake up…but..she’s not gonna.  So he came to say goodbye.  Some boyfriend you are, Jack.  Victor’s outside with magic medicine, and you’re telling her she’s never going to wake up.

 

Kevin’s at Chelsea’s, and of course they’re visiting in the nursery so Adam’s Hand, which has grown a whole arm now, can listen in.  Chelsea’s sad about Adam because the milestones are tough.  Kevin doesn’t want her to be sad on Connor’s birthday,  and it’s gonna be a great party.  Chelsea is wearing a necklace that should not be seen outside the French Quarter.  Kevin asks who’s going to help her celebrate…Billy?  Gosh look at the time, she has to go pick up the cupcakes.  But Kevin can pack up Connor and his presents and take him to the park for her, because why?  Why don’t you send HIM to get the cupcakes?  Adam’s Arm is probably wondering that too.  He gets up!

 

Billy’s at Crimson Lights watching Dylan put his broken stuff back together.  Dylan explains how he destroyed his own place due to his rage at the justice system, because breaking your own shit when you’re pissed at the justice system is a nationwide thing now.  Billy understands.  Dylan’s angry that criminals get sprung with no prison time and ruin innocent people’s lives like…Stitch Rayburn? whines Billy.  Well, no, he meant Ian Ward, and he seriously looks like he might beat Billy’s ass for a second.  Also, Stitch DID prison time.  Self-centered Billy manages ask what Ian did, and Dylan says he leaked Nikki’s journal to the tabloids.  Oh, well, who cares about you, Dylan, wah wah, Stitch killed, lied, blah blah.  Avery walks in and reminds Billy that Stitch paid for it. Well he still lied, waaaah.

 

Victoria sits at her doctor’s appointment, where she seems to be a month more pregnant than last week.  Yes, please hurry.  She tells her baby that she can’t sleep because she can’t stop thinking about Billy and Stitch.  Stitch walks around the corner, wearing a suit and the sexy 10 day beard.  He has a meeting with the board, and he thinks when he tells his story, he won’t be able to practice medicine again. Vicky looks sad.  “You’re a wonderful doctor.”  Thanks, Billy.  Yeah, Stitch says, but when someone lies about himself, that’s not easily forgiven, is it?  Vicky looks unsure.

 

Stitch is super sorry he wasn’t completely honest with her.  Victoria feels bad but says she doesn’t want to get into it right there, and he apologizes.  She’s getting an ultrasound today.  THE Abby Newman walks up.  “What is he doing here?” she asks. I think it has something to do with a free country.   Abby tells Vicky she was running late but that was no reason to ask Stitch to fill in.  We don’t even know if he’s the baby’s father.  Stitch is like I’m not here for that.  Bicker bicker.  Vicky tells him good luck with the board and mournfully watches him walk away. 

 

Avery’s telling Billy that this is a difficult situation.  For some reason this has to be another whining/therapy session for Billy who isn’t back with Victoria yet.  “So you’re blaming Stitch?” asks Dylan.  Well, maybe it’s partly his own fault because of [cheating and lying] stupid stuff he’s done, but yeah, it’s mostly all Stitch.  He thinks Dylan should admit Stitch is shady and a liar, and why isn’t he more ticked off?  Um, you’re standing in a destroyed coffee shop, Billy.  Why do you want this person to get more ticked off?  Dylan’s like, yeah, well, I get lied to by a lot of people I trust.  “Like me?” says Chelsea. 

 

She comes in with her Mardi Gras necklace and says that applies to her, too.  And she still feels terrible about lying to him about Connor, especially today, on his birthday.  Dylan was the first person to hold her son and love him, and then her lies sent him to crazy town.  Billy thinks they should get going because this isn’t about him anymore.  He was just picking up the cupcakes, wow, so was she!  She invites Dylan to the party.  Dylan’s like umm…no.  He has too much to do fixing his latest psychotic episode.  Chelsea and Billy leave. Avery says he could have gone, but Dylan says no…he couldn’t.

 

Adam’s Hand grips his chair while Henchman advises he NOT do this, there will be too many people there.  There will be more birthdays in the future.  Adam’s Hand clenches!

 

Jack questions Phyllis about how she feels.  Is she drifting, like he is?  He wishes she would open her piercing eyes.  He came every weekend and hoped she would feel him holding her hand.  It breaks his heart that she’s living this way.  He still sees their dreams, like her walking down the aisle. He starts crying.   He says the hardest part is that she’s not GONE.  The woman he loves is in there somewhere!!

 

Victor is out in the hallway with the lame-o doctor saying it’s time for Phyllis to start the magic medicine trial.  How is that possible when Victor doesn’t have the family’s permission yet?  Victor says don’t you worry about that. I’ll take care of that.  Jack comes out the door wiping his eyes.  It seems he had the good sense not to mention that beautiful woman Kelly he’s in love with.

 

Nikki is in a huff.  Contrary to what Christine believes, she is not there to cry on Paul’s shoulder, even though she was slobbering all over it.  She wanted to know if Christine would have any idea what to do about Ian.  Chris mulls over ways to hide Nikki’s body.  She asks Nikki if she has any PROOF that Ian did it.  Well, of course not.  And didn’t she discuss this with her OWN attorney?  Well, yes, and he said the same thing.  So WHY the hell is she there, then?  Well, well, she thought Chris might know a loophole.  Chris is like there are no loopholes and Paul is OFF the job right now…so GTFO. 
'

Nikki says she’s SORRY, she’ll GO, and then doubles over at the door.  LOL  Paul rushes to help her.  He doesn’t think she should be behind the wheel of a car right now!  He’s glaring at CHRISTINE, who is like are you kidding me?  She asks if VICTOR can come pick her up.  No, no, he’s out of town, Nikki says weakly.  I guess he took all his henchmen with him.  What about Nick, or Victoria?  ANYONE?  Dylan?  No..no…we can’t bother anyone (except you), especially Dylan.  Woe, our son has been through enough!  She’s pulling out all the stops.  Paul stares at Christine like she’s the one doing something wrong.  She is ready to cut a bitch.

 

Dylan says he’s still too angry about Ian.  Avery thinks a sweet little birthday party would make him feel better.  Dylan says he’s made peace with that little boy not being in his life and there’s no reason to stir up that pain.  Avery still thinks he needs to talk it out with a therapist.  He thinks she’s a pretty good therapist.  Avery reminds him of his Incredible Hulk tendencies.  Paul calls.

 

Billy and Chelsea set up Connor’s party on the wedding sidewalk in the park.  Chelsea says again how unfair it was for her to lie about Dylan being Connor’s father.  Well, Billy can understand THAT kind of lie, because Dylan would be a much better father than ADAM.  Pretty much all lying is okay except Stitch’s.  Chelsea says she doesn’t feel like arguing about her dead husband on their son’s birthday.  Billy SMILES and says, sure, he’ll just bring it up the other 364 days a year, but today is Connor’s day.  So he won’t talk about the father that he killed on this one special day.

 

Kevin arrives with Connor, and Jeffrey.  He is surprised to see Billy there.  Chelsea says, he’s my friend, like you and me.  “Not just like you and me,” snarks Kevin.  Burn.  Chelsea whispers for him to cool it.  Looks like Mommy and Billy are getting friendlier and friendlier, Kevin tells Connor.

 

Victor slips around the corner before Jack sees him.  Doctor Lame notices.  Jack pleads with the doctor one more time.  Is he SURE?  Is this PERMANENT?  The doctor parses his words some, and says that conventional medicine has failed to wake her up.  “I’m deeply sorry, Mr. Abbott.”  Why? Why not just say there’s still hope just in case?  What a jerk.  Victor eavesdrops.  

 

Dylan arrives at the cabin, and Nikki says she could have driven herself.  “It wasn’t MY idea to bother you,” she chides.  She only wanted to bother Christine.  Nikki says it was just a small, well-timed, MS flareup.  She’s fine now!  Victor finally calls her back.  He got all the messages from her and the kids.  So what has Ian Ward done now?  Waaah, sob, he leaked her journal!! 

 

Paul quietly tells Dylan that it might look like Nikki’s putting up a strong front.  O.o  But this whole thing has really slammed her.  I sort of picked up on that when she interrupted Michael’s breakfast in bed at his HOME, sobbing, and barged in on Paul’s love nest, sobbing.  How much sex can a person interrupt in one day?  This just makes Dylan even angrier about Ian, but promises not to do anything stupid.  Paul hopes not because now that he’s found his son, he doesn’t want to lose him.

 

Avery stares in the distance listening to sad music.  *Why’s it gotta be so hard…*  Stitch wanders in, looking bummed out.  Avery asks if he’s okay.  Well, he just got kicked out of his residency program, and he’s probably going to lose his medical license.  She sympathizes. He says it could be worse, he could  be in jail, right?  She’s like, are you asking for legal advice?  Mmm, now that you mention it…  He’s worried about being charged with fraud.  How much does she charge, because he’s out of work.  Avery’s willing to trade advice…what can he tell her about PTSD?  Stitch is like..ohhh…  They talk about Dylan’s nightmares and rage.  She wants to know how to help him.  Stitch thinks he needs real therapy.  Not even Swiss Army Stitch handles that.

 

Victoria’s doctor tells her it’s time to think about her birth plan.  Blah blah, who does she want in the delivery room?  Uh, the father, says Abby.  Vicky really brought the wrong person to this appointment.  BILLY will want to be there for the birth of his child, says Abby.  “Are you really going to deny him that?”  Victoria is staring daggers.  Ixnay on the illyBay.

 

Jeffrey tries to explain horse betting to Connor.  Billy gets sad thinking about Delia.  What a great party.  Then it gets worse when a horrifying birthday clown arrives with balloons.  Billy’s holding Connor and they pick out a balloon.  Connor says Da Da!  <gasp>  Everyone is like, AWK-WARD.  Well, except Billy, as his narcissism drinks it in.

 

Chelsea laughs it off and says Connor calls everything Da Da.   Kevin’s like, that’s funny, he never calls ME Da Da.  Everyone realizes NO ONE ordered the clown…and now he’s gone.  Weird, huh?  Who are all these random people eating cake?

 

Vicky’s doctor seems to be enjoying this wack family drama but excuses herself so Abby and Vicky can have it out.  Vicky says they don’t KNOW that Billy’s the father. Right, because she won’t do the DNA test!!  Vicky says whatever the results are, someone’s going to be hurt.  And she can’t deal with Billy’s pain right now on top of everything else!!  She collapses back on the bed thing trying not to cry.  Abby realizes she’s being way too obnoxious, and comforts Vicky.  She promises to stop talking about Billy and Stitch.  Vicky is excited about the baby, but so scared something will go wrong.  She weeps over the decision to have someone in the labor suite.  Abby is really the only person she can ask.  Abby is like, OMG, yuck.  But Victoria gets her to agree.  She should have asked Nick.

 

Jack is back at Phyllis’s bed.  He has to do it. He has to say it.  He and Summer have to face reality.  He promises to always take care of Summer.  Victor watches through the window.  The doctor says he feels super guilty about not telling Jack about the magic medicine.  Victor’s like, hey, let’s remember that Jack Abbott is a very resourceful man.  If he didn’t find out about the magic medicine himself, that’s his problem.  Kind of a fair point?  Jack hasn’t been trying very hard.

 

Christine is angrily putting the puzzle away. “Chris, what’s wrong?”  Has Paul always been this clueless?  “It’s Nikki?”  She says, “EVERYTHING is wrong with Nikki!”  Her hurt feelings, her risky health…PAUL is the one recovering from a gunshot wound and liver transplant!  Paul says he’s fine.  She can’t believe Paul isn’t furious with Nikki over her depriving him of his son his whole life, because she sure is.  Paul looks surprised because that’s stupid.

 

Dylan eases Nikki into a chair at Crimson Lights.  Magic elves have redecorated it during this episode.  Nikki pooh pooh’s all this fuss over her, like any good passive-aggressive martyr.  Stitch overhears that she almost fainted.  Is it stress?  Well, waaaah, her face is front and center on every tabloid!  She looks at Stitch…and realizes she doesn’t have to explain this type of stress to him.  “Right there with ya,” says Stitch.  Dylan asks about the board meeting, and Stitch tells them he has to hang up his doctor’s coat.  Everyone looks bummed.  He tells Nikki to take care and that stress isn’t good for her. “It isn’t good for you, either,” he pointedly tells Dylan, and leaves.

 

They are cleaning up the party in the park.  Kevin asks Billy if he used the information on Stitch, and they both act like jerks about how Billy confronted Stitch right in front of his boss and he lost his job.  Kevin notices that Billy isn’t enjoying it quite enough, though.  Billy's not sure how he feels.  It wasn’t exactly a noble win.  Poor Billy, destroying his enemy wasn't noble enough for him…and he’s still not any closer to getting Victoria back.  Kevin asks if that’s still what he wants.  Billy hesitates.  He says he loves Victoria and is never going to stop wanting a life with her.

 

Abby and Victoria are thrilled watching the ultrasound.  Abby says she’s not basing this “on anything sciencey” but she has a feeling it’s a girl.  The doctor’s standing right there but we don’t hear anything sciencey about if it IS a girl.  Victoria is overwhelmed.  “She’s beautiful.”

 

Nikki tells Dylan that he’s not under obligation to watch over her til Victor gets back.  He wants to.  She thought he might want some distance from her after hearing her journal.  He says she doesn’t have to justify it.  Avery brings her some herbal tea.  She stares it, apparently wishing it had bourbon in it.

 

Paul tells Chris he isn’t ANGRY with an 18yo raped teen, even though he’s upset he lost so much time with Dylan.  Then why did he let her in??  He’s like what was I supposed to do, slam the door in her face?  They’ve been through too much together for him to turn his back on her.  Chris starts pouting and weeping.  She doesn’t want to sound insensitive…but Nikki’s pain is not her concern.  She cares about PAUL.  Why won’t he just let her control him??  He promises he’s not going anywhere.  They hug.

 

Adam’s Henchman walks past the used clown suit that’s laying on Adam’s twin bed with the hospital corners.  Adam the Clown was videotaping the party through his clown nose or something, and now he’s watching Connor say Da Da to Billy over and over and over and over again.  Clowns are crazy!  Unless Connor was saying it because he recognized the clown was Da Da when nobody else noticed.  Either way, it’s dumb.

 

Billy brings another present in to Connor’s nursery.  Someone left it by the door.  It’s a soccer ball.  Connor can't even walk, but we get it, we get it.  Chelsea smiles big and assumes Victor left it there, since he told Connor about how  he taught Adam to play soccer.  Downer Billy says that soccer ball comes with strings attached, then.  Victor never does anything without expecting something in return. 

 

Jack is confessing.  He met someone.  He wasn’t looking to fall in love, but he did. She’s a good woman.  He won’t pretend Phyllis would like her, because she’s much too [insane] possessive for that, but a piece of him will always belong to her. He weeps onto her face, which is probably fun for a new actress, and says he’ll miss her.  He leaves.  Her hand starts twitching, and her eyelids flutter a little bit.  Did you just say you MET SOMEONE???!!!  Now that's some magic medicine.

[PatsyandEddie]

Thanks peach! I don't know how you do it but I am so glad that you do. Hilarious!!

[peach]

Wed, Aug 13, 2014

 

Hilary is freaking out in the emergency room.  Lily and Devon come flying in.  Lily makes a big scene with Cane.  Devon stares at Hilary.

 

Colin and Jill and back and talking naughty about their sexy vacation that was maybe a couple of days. Esther called them back for some kind of mysterious Emergency.  I know when I tell someone to travel long distances for an emergency, I never tell them what it is until they arrive.  Jill finds an envelope addressed to her on the coffee table.  GASP!  It’s Katherine’s handwriting!

 

Michael’s doing some work, at the police station, and Lauren arrives to seduce him in the interrogation room.  Is she drunk?

 

Meanwhile, outside the room, Harding’s busting Kevin’s chops for his lazy ass ways.  Ugh, Kevin’s back to writing his creepy revenge story about Harding, describing vultures pulling out his chin stubble follicle by follicle.  That’s not…weird.  Esther arrives to see him about Chloe.

 

Lily’s throwing tantrums at the hospital.   Hilary explains how they found Neil. Cane says the wiring was faulty and he must have been trying to fix it.  Lily wants to know what he was even doing in that old house?  Dr. Barton Shelby comes out and boringly explains that Neil suffered an electrical shock.  Duh.  He might have internal injuries, blah blah.  He can’t promise Lily that everything’s going to be okay. Hilary and Devon look at each other in despair.  This should get fun when everyone realizes Hilary gets to make the medical decisions.

 

Hilary asks if Neil’s going to need surgery.  Unknown.  Hilary asks why Doc Shelby is even involved in this case. He signed on because of his wife’s fondness for Mr. Winters, which is not how I think it works, but okay.  I mean, somebody has to do Stitch's job. Lily appreciates it.  Blahblah internal injuries will be a game changer. He leaves.  Lily shouts a lot about how she needs facts or she’s going to lose it, while losing it.  She screams at Hilary to please tell her what happened to her father.  Hilary yells that she doesn’t know either!  Cane has his hands over his face.  He finally explains that Hilary didn’t know about the house because Neil bought it as a surprise dream home.  Hilary and Devon are like, omg.  Lily says she knew it!  “This is All.Your.Fault!”

 

Jill opens the envelope.  She cries while reading the letter.  Blah blah she hopes she’s found the necklace and is wearing it well.  Now she needs a favor.  She wants Jill to throw a party to commemorate the anniversary of her death.  She’s left specific instructions.  Colin looks pissed.  Jill is laughing about how Katherine’s still giving orders and still wants attention from the grave.  Jill realizes Colin’s upset about this letter not having dollars attached.

 

Michael and Lauren are going for it on the table.  Groooosssss.  He has to stop because he does have a real client coming.  They make out some more and make promises for later tonight.

 

Esther says Chloe sent her a package that included a big manila envelope just for Kevin.  Which is probably divorce papers, but he’s all excited to get something from her.   Esther and Lauren leave together, after Lauren mauls Michael a little more.  And yep, it’s divorce papers.

 

Kevin rifles through the papers desperately looking for a note from her or something, but no.  Michael says he’ll help him through this break.  Kevin’s like, nope, no, there will be no divorce.  He’s fighting it.  If he has to, he’ll have her declared mentally incompetent!  SHE’S ALREADY COMMITTED TO A MENTAL HOSPITAL.  How is this even happening?  But Michael thinks this is shocking and that mental patients should make legal decisions. “I’m not losing her, Michael!”

 

Malibu Courtney is in her cop suit going over files.  Harding comes over to give her a hard time, and tells her to make sure she doesn’t blow it on the witness stand on the Travers case.  He doesn’t want her going all soft when her BFF who married the shooter is in the back of the room bawling.  “I.Won’t.” says Courtney.  Harding gets really kinda close to Courtney and says make sure you don’t. He knows how weak girls get when someone turns on the waterworks.  Noah’s come through the elevator and gets really offended.  He gets in Harding’s face, I mean, chest, and says, “You know what’s weak? You feel like you have to come down on a woman that’s stronger than you’ll ever be.  Leave her alone.”  Harding just kind of frowns at him like, don’t you have to get back to the Peach Pit? 

 

Lily rants at Hilary that she always knew Hilary would hurt him and now she’s done it in the worst way possible!  Hilary shouts that she didn’t know anything about it.  Cane also says Hilary did not know about the house.  Oh, but she is a master manipulator!!  She can make men buy gross, old, death trap houses with fuse boxes in the dining room with the power of her mind!   Lily goes completely batshit crazy, yelling at Hilary for being POISON, while Hilary cries.  Devon tries to settle her down.  He ought to knock her out.  Lily accuses Hilary of arranging for Neil to have this accident, and Hilary leaves.  Cane’s trying to calm Lily down, and Devon follows Hilary. 

 

Lily screams and wails about her dread of Hilary and says she is the reason this happened.  No, says Cane, HE is the reason it happened.  Devon tells Hilary it’s not her fault.  She cries because she said one time she described a house like that, and Neil remembered every word.  Now he’s lying in the hospital because he tried to make her dreams come true.

 

Jill thinks Colin’s in a bad mood because everything is good and happy and he doesn’t know what to do with those feelings. He’s like…yeah.  He IS still waiting for the other shoe to drop, like being murdered for a fake necklace.  Esther gets home and she and Jill run off to plan Katherine’s party.  Bad Guy pops up with a gun.  Welcome Home.

 

Harding tells Courtney she needs to put a leash on her little boyfriend before he racks up an assault charge on an officer.  Noah just wants Harding to show a little respect.  “I was doing that,” says Harding, “police officer to police officer.”  Courtney wants Noah to shut up and stop embarrassing her by saying she can handle herself and not letting her handle herself.  She tells Harding she knows he lives to be a jerk to her, but she’s going off duty now, so he can save it for tomorrow.  She’s leaving, and Harding grins because you can tell he totally likes Courtney.  Next he’s going to throw a frog at her.

 

Kevin is frantically arguing with Michael about fighting the divorce.  Harding walks in, and he’s like “What’s happened to this place?  I’m used to working with men, real men, real cops…and now it’s all girls and pathetic losers.”  He’s got one cop who’s got her boyfriend fighting her battles for her, and then there’s Fish fighting to stay married to a nutjob!  Kevin loses it.  He’s shouting to shut up about his wife!  Michael’s in between them to stop a fight, and Harding’s laughing.  He really wants to punch Kevin before quittin’ time.

 

Bad Guy tells Colin he had 24 hours to pay his debt, and he skipped out.  Colin says he’s forgotten that Colin’s not a smalltime hood.  Lauren arrives in the hallway, because what good hostage situation doesn’t include Lauren, and Colin asks if they can move this to another location. Bad Guy thinks the ladies should join them because it’s time for someone to pay, since he didn’t.  Starting with his wife.

 

Cane tells Lily he showed Neil how to fix the faulty wiring that shocked him, so if he dies, it’s his fault. NO. HE is NOT GOING TO DIE.  She yells the same crap at Hilary about the house.  Devon asks if anyone called Sophia.  Of course not.  Dr. Shelby comes out.  There is a lot of Twilight staring.

 

Doc Shelby says it’s good news.  Neil’s escaped severe internal injuries, but he’s still unconscious so he can’t see visitors yet, unlike Paul who had 8,000 visitors.  Devon talks to Hilary about how neither of them told anyone yet before they found him electrified.  Devon promises that now that know Neil’s going to be okay, everything else will be, too, as clearly demonstrated by insano Lily down the hall.  They stare at Neil through the window.

 

Michael finally gets Kevin away from Harding and yells at him not to get in a fight with a man with a badge and a gun!  Harding tells him Michael just saved his life.  And he wants his reports on his desk in the morning and leaves.  Kevin’s still not going to let Chloe divorce him. He loves her.  Then Michael says he should give her what she wants.  They argue about the wisdom of this.  Michael admits he would fight for Lauren, so Kevin’s fighting for Chloe, and she is going to come back to him.

 

Colin tells Bad Guy he’s just a paid flunkie.  He tries to convince him that he’s going to piss off his bosses if he kills Colin without getting any money.  And if he touches Jill he’ll bring stuff down on him he can’t imagine.  Out in the hallway Lauren and Jill are laughing it up and decide to talk business with Colin.  Jill enters the living room, and Colin and Bad Guy are gone.

 

AND…the last five minutes are preempted by a press conference about Ferguson.  Will get the rest online if I can.

[LeftPhalange]

Why are they wasting so much time with this Chloe crap? Are they recasting her?

[Evanscody]

Peach. I am one week behind on my dvr and came here to read up and wanted to say that your summaries are the bomb!! I'm thinking I could save myself some time and just read You! LOVE!

[Suby]

Doc Shelby says it’s good news. Neil’s escaped severe internal injuries, but he’s still unconscious so he can’t see visitors yet

Wow Doc Shelby sure is a visionary! (unlike Neil)

She’s leaving, and Harding grins because you can tell he totally likes Courtney. Next he’s going to throw a frog at her.

Det. Harding acts like a 12 year old who just sprouted pubes. Edited August 17, 2014 by Suby

[movinon]

When did they change the name of this topic?.  I like the name, but I almost panicked when I couldn't find it.  Don't do this to me - I'm old and could have a heart attack if this disappears.

[radishcake]

LOL sorry @movinon! I wasn't trying to give you palpitations! I was housekeeping a bit and remembered that @peach wanted a new title a while ago. 

[peach]

Thurs, Aug 14, 2014

 

Hilary is sitting at Neil’s hospital bed.  They made him look kinda…red?  Does electrocution do that??  He wakes up, but soon realizes..he…he…CAN’T SEE!  High Melodrama Alert.  Seriously show, again with the blindness?  Lily is pouting in the hallway with Cane and Devon.  She thinks Neil wasn’t awake enough to realize he was asking for the person who almost killed him.  That’s it, she’s going in there.

 

Hilary says she’s going to find a doctor, and Neil starts panicking and doesn’t want her to leave him.  Lily, Devon, and Cane rush in.  Neil grabs Lily by the shoulders and says he can’t see!  He can’t see anything!!  Devon is like, are you kidding me? IKR, Devon, it’s been done to death.  Next they’ll have to run somebody over for a transplant.  My son walked by laughing, and said Neil went blind so he doesn’t have to watch this show.

 

Sharon comes home with a boutique bag, and Nick runs over possibilities of what’s in it, but it happens to be for Mariah.  Nick’s like, super, more clothes for Mariah.  Is this some kind of reward for her lying to them about her mother? That’s not an incentive to be good, Sharon.  Well, Sharon thinks it is.  You can totally rehab a person’s character with new clothes.  Family is what’s going to make Mariah the woman she was meant to be.  Nick frowns.

 

Paul comes in the cabin to be surprised by a candlelight dinner, AND a surprise apple pie.  Where the hell was he? Jogging in the dark?  The writers have obviously never made a pie. 

 

Victor’s in his office shouting on the phone at the tabloid editor for smearing his wife’s good name.  When they attack her, they’ve gone after him.  A retraction is NOT good enough! He will show no mercy with them!  Nikki has come in during this tirade and gets upset instead of saying, YEAH!!  “I’m gonna put your rag out of business!” he shouts, and hangs up.  Nikki  frowns sadly.  Maybe she should go cry to Paul about it.

 

Neil’s still freaking out about his boring blindness.  Dr. Barton Shelby arrives.  He shines a light in Neil’s eyes and says, “I need to speak with Neil alone, please.”  No, uh-uh, he needs this gaggle of emotional basketcases by his side!  Oops.  “You may be confused because I was polite and said please.  It wasn’t a request.  Please clear the room NOW.”  Dang, don’t get on Dr. Barton Shelby’s bad side.  He’s no Stitch Rayburn.  Cane hustles the rest of them out.

 

Devon wonders if Neil hit his head to cause this.  Cane firmly says no, and explains the effects of electrocution and how it’s temporary.   I guess he slept at a Holiday Inn Express last night.  Doc Shelby comes out, and Hilary asks when Neil will get his vision back.

 

Nick says Mariah already has a family.  She has a mother, and as repulsive as he is, she also has Ian Ward.   Sharon says a mother who neglected her, and a predator?  “That’s not a family, that’s a natural disaster.”  Sharon says Mariah’s never had the support of people who wants what’s best for her.  Now she has a job, and hey!  She could move into the tack house!  Nick’s like, MY tackhouse?  With the bar fridge??  No way.  Sharon thinks it’s perfect, and Oh Em Gee!  She doesn’t even know Mariah’s birthday! (Hint:  it’s the same as Cassie’s) She needs to find out so they can throw her a party this year.  Nick is like 8-O 

 

Mariah is not a kid, says Nick, and not THEIR kid.  “She’s like…a friend..and only kind of sorta!”  They don’t know her well enough to  be making long term plans like this.  Sharon says to trust her. She knows Mariah has a great future ahead of her, and they can help her get there.  She has to do some errands, and Nick suggests she’s going to buy Mariah a new puppy, no, a new bike!  Sharon laughs and leaves.  Nick calls someone and says they really need to talk…about Mariah.

 

Nikki says Victor cannot threaten a publisher and not expect him to retaliate.  Pfft.  Victor can take of this guy, he can assure you.  “Anyway, ENOUGH of this garbage!”  Nikki’s all baby whiny about how there are always going to be more reporters, more questions, because she is so incredibly interesting.  And now they’re going to stalk Paul, they’re going to stalk Dylan!  Victor says they can take care of themselves.  What, is he implying she can’t take care of HERself? Well, duh, you big crybaby.  Blah blah Victor makes everything better.  She asks what he’s been up to.   He says some research that is very promising and will work out great for lots of people.  Then he POURS HIMSELF A DRINK in front of her, swishes it around, savors it while she goes into a drooling trance. 

 

Sharon brings flowers to Cassie’s grave.  She says, baby, sometimes I just need to be with you.  She talks about how Faith is growing up.  She weeps but says she’s not sad or broken.  She has so many people, and now she has Mariah.

 

Nick’s at The Underground and Mariah’s mixing drinks.  She says her mom was 3/4 useless as a parent, but she taught her her way around a cocktail shaker.  That’s 25% of life?  Nick thinks that’s kind of interesting, that her mom was a nurse by day, bartender by night. Mariah’s like, IKR?  She says her mom called herself a free spirit, but she was really just a flake who could barely hold down a job.  Nick asks what kind of nurse?  Pediatrics and Obstetrics.  Twin Stealing, basically.    Mariah thinks that’s insane because of her horrible mothering.  Nick keeps pestering her about her weird background until Mariah says, Nick, why do you care so much about my mom?  He doesn’t care about her mom.  “I care about you.”  You guys!!  He said it!

 

Nikki whines about how awful it is that her words are out there, causing so much damage.  Blah blah blah.  The reporters will keep coming back no matter what they do.  Michael and Avery are pursuing legal angles, but it’s just so EXHAUSTING, she just doesn’t know how much more she can take!  IT’S BEEN ONE DAY!!!  Victor wants her to be strong.  Sometimes she feels like she’s out of reserves.  Blah blah everyone helped her out and she went and ruined Paul’s day, too, to warn him face to face.

 

Paul and Chris are cuddling on the sofa.  She says it’s so peaceful with no courts, no crimes, no outside world.   And if Nikki decides to rush in, they should close the door and pretend they’re not there.  Paul defends her.  Well, says Chris,  she talks this big game about being strong and then barges in on him all fluttered.  Why does she always have to lean on HIM?  Can’t this just be a Nikki free zone?  Okay, okay.  He’ll eat pie and kiss his wife instead.  There’s a knock on the door….it’s a reporter!  “Have you seen your lover’s diary yet?”  Now Christine’s going to have to kill this guy too.

 

Dr. Barton Shelby’s doctor talk is a sedative.  Something about a specialist.  Devon can fly specialists around, you know, like when he lost his hearing.  These people and their senses.  No, they have doctors there.  Blah blah blaaaah…. They can’t go in and see him, because he would prefer that Neil rest, all alone and afraid. 

 

They still haven’t called Sophia, so Cane and Lily go in the waiting room.  Devon stares at Hilary.  She just starts shaking her head.  They have dialogue that follows no rational pattern for a second, and then Devon says they both love Neil and they’ll help him get through this, and help each other get through this. He strokes her arm, and she narrows her eyes and SLAPS HIM!

 

“Don’t touch me!” she spits.  “Don’t talk to me!  Don’t pretend that everything’s going to be okay!”  He’s not pretending.  Hilary rants about how terrible this all is.  He says he KNOWS Neil is going to be okay, and he’s stronger than she knows.  He’s going to be there for Neil, and for Hilary.  And later “we can think about us.”  UH-UH.  “There is NOTHING to think about.  There is no us!  There is only Neil!”  She struts off.

 

Paul throws the reporter off the porch.   He’s mad. Christine is like, blame the source.  Nikki led them right to him.  “Blame this all on Nikki, it’s all on her!”

 

Nikki admits to Victor that she annoyed Christine with her visit, but gosh, all Paul cared about was how she was doing.  Paul’s swell.  Victor doesn’t want Nikki driving herself around.  Nikki smiles.  Paul said the same thing.  She says she just wasn’t herself when Victor was gone.  She had this feeling that she didn’t know what was going to come next, because she didn’t have Victor to tell her.   He says not to worry about a thing.  He leaves, and she stares at his drink…her hand hovers over it.  Hover, hover.

 

Sharon’s still talking to Cassie.  She says it would be surreal if she and Mariah had met and become friends.  Cute flashback to little bitty Cassie.   Sharon says Cassie is in her heart and soul and she can never be replaced. She is going to make new memories with Faith and Noah, and now maybe Mariah.

 

Mariah’s still trying to explain her yo-yo mother.  Hey, but she survived.  She’s an old soul, she didn’t need a mother, or really even a father.  She basically says it was what it was.  She says it was like she and her mom were from different planets, but she never really knew any different until she saw Nick and Sharon with their kids. 

 

The eye specialist is straight out of a Nyquil commercial and he’s going to do  more tests and let Dr. Shelby give the update.  “Neil’s suffering from corticovisual impairment.”  I am suffering from interest impairment.  Blah blah, the time frame is indefinite.  It could be…permanent!  Hilary glares at Devon like he did it.   You know, she's acting like Lori did with Shane on The Walking Dead.

 

Dr Shelby’s going to let them in the room.  Lily and Devon go in.  Hilary cries to Cane about the bitter irony of the dream house.  She should have waited…it was a mistake!  Waited for what, asks Cane.  Lily and Devon are at Neil’s side.  They tell him specialists are on this.  Fried Tomato Head Neil says not to worry, he’s going to wake up in the morning and it’s all going to be fine.  Look, I know you’re blind, Neil, but surely you can hear what side of the bed they’re on.  Why are you talking over there?
“You are my soul, Cassie,” says Sharon.  Etcetera.

 

Nick says Mariah can go home, and he’ll take care of closing.  He dumped a lot on her at the beginning until she proved herself.  She says, I know, Ian is vicious, I am his puppet…  He says she’s too tough to get pushed around by Ian.  Blah blah, Mariah’s an only child, Nick is just so curious as to why her mom didn’t step up like she should have, like he’s never heard of a bad parent before.  He sends her home and she looks at him crush like from the doorway.

 

Christine is complaining that their secret place isn’t secret anymore.  So, she gets out their phones and tablets, because why wait til morning?   I guess she just gave up.  Lots of messages about the tabloids and Austin’s trial.  “We are back in the eye of the storm,” says Christine, except they’re really still in a cabin in the woods.

 

Nikki’s gone from hovering to caressing the top of the glass.  Gross, it’s yours now!  The music is even more dramatic than Ian Ward music!  She picks up the glass.  She lifts it. Higher.  VICTOR WALKS IN!!!  Baby, what are you doing?  Uh, not drinking your Scotch?

 

She says it was going to leave a ring.  “Darling, how hard is it to use a coaster?”  Well, maybe it’s impossible, he says.  Men.  He tells her to go home. He had his henchmen get rid of the paparazzi and gawkers, so she can go home now.  He missed her.

 

Paul and Christine hug and talk, and he says she is the love of his life, and no matter what happens, she should never forget that.  They…leave?  Dumb.

 

Mariah gets home and finds Sharon on the sofa, eating ice cream.  They share ice cream and chat about their day.  Sharon says she’s happy that Mariah is there.  However they came into each other’s lives, she feels like family now.  Sharon says she’s a lucky woman and she knows it.  Mariah doesn’t quite know how to take that in.

 

Nick’s at the bar making notes about Helen Copeland, like these are complicated details.  Nurse, moves around a lot, bad mother.  A hard looking redhead walks in.  She’s Helen Copeland.

 

Lily comes out because Neil wants to talk to Devon.  Blah blah Devon has his back, oh, and his wife.  Neil’s so scared.  He needs Devon to do something…to look after Hilary.   Devon says Hilary won’t want that.  Sh sh sh sh sh!  She’s very fragile and he promised her happiness.  She thinks she doesn’t deserve it.  He’s worried she’ll think this is a bad sign.  So Devon needs to make sure she doesn’t feel guilty and take care of her.  No, Dad.  YES!  You can do this!!  DO WHAT?  She’s a self-sufficient person who started DATING Neil last month.

 

The [bullshit] drama thickens.   Omg, Neil, you’re not DYING.  “Devon, give me your hand!”    But that would leave you with one.  “As God as my witness, I will get my sight back!”  But until then, he needs Devon to be his eyes and look after his wife.  Like…all of her?  Neil’s eyes need to see your ta-ta’s, Hilary.

 

Devon comes out and tells the crew they all have to stick together to get through this.  Neil stares into space wondering how his career has come to this.

[photo fox]

@peach, your son's snarky asides slay me.

[miamama]

Then he POURS HIMSELF A DRINK in front of her, swishes it around, savors it while she goes into a drooling trance.

 

This is one of the most annoying and offensive things on this show. Every alcoholic on the show has a fully stocked bar in plain sight and their loved ones are always nursing drinks -- especially at emotionally wrought times. It's INSANE.

 

I noticed when Kelly was blathering on about having to cover for Lily while Neil was in the hospital she had a martini in front of her. She's working and nursing a martini and listening to her addict boyfriend talk about saying goodbye to his comatose fiancee and worrying about his SPONSOR who is currently unavailable in the event Jack might need him.

[peach]

Fri, Aug 15, 2014  Yeah, They Go There

 

Austin’s back home from a run, in time to co-host Malibu Valentine’s Day with Summer, on HGTV.  Doggoneit, you guys, they totally skipped Malibu Ground Hog Day.

 

A nurse looks at Phyllis’s pictures on the table and says she has SO much support. 

 

Jack is back at the GCAC where Kelly adheres herself to him.  He asks what’s wrong.  It’s Neil, he’s been in an accident!  Jack wants to go the hospital, but Kelly has to stay and cover for Lily…with a martini.  Jack says she’s so upset that she’s shaking, or maybe she just needs a martini.  She says accident stuff freaks her out because of Sam.  Jack comforts her.  He hopes Neil’s okay, because he’s a great friend, and his sponsor, and helped him kick the pills.  Well…along with Phyllis.  Awkward.  She asks about his trip. He says it was what you would expect, Phyllis didn’t really argue.  It was harder than he expected, but it needed to be done and he did it.  Now he can move on.  With Kelly.  She jumps on him and clings like a drowning woman.

 

Dylan the Mad Carpenter is fixing more chairs that seemed like they were already repaired yesterday.  Maybe he broke some more since then.  Avery has to go do some stuff.  Paul surprises them.  Dylan thought he had a few days left at the cabin.  He said it was time to get back to reality.  He was concerned about things back in GC, like Nikki.  Dylan says she was her usually [whiny] feisty self. 

 

Paul notices the broken furniture problem.  Avery says Ian came by and Dylan got a little upset.  Paul said Dylan promised not to do anything stupid where Ian was concerned.  Dylan’s like, I didn’t!   I waited til Ian left, and THEN I trashed the place!  Paul’s like…oookaaay.  Dylan’s like, what?  Relax.  I destroyed some of my own stuff and felt better.  Not a big deal.  Paul says it doesn’t look that way to him.  Dylan’s getting [enraged] irritated.  Avery decides to leave.  Dylan asks Paul if this is going to be a lecture.  No lecture, promises Paul.   “What’s really going on with you?” he asks all fatherly concern like.

 

Sharon’s brought Faith home from a botched sleepover because she says there are things they need to talk about.  Mariah watches.

 

Nick says it’s nice to finally meet Helen Copeland, the woman Mariah wants nothing to do with.  She’ll have a drink if it’s on the house.  Straight bourbon, why bother drinking if you’re going to hide the taste with something else?  She’s a no nonsense type of [alcoholic] gal.  She wonders what’s up, since it’s not every day you get a call from the likes of Nick Newman.  Nick says there’s a lot about Mariah he doesn’t understand, and he thinks she’s the one with the answers he needs.  Yeah, she seems TOTALLY trustworthy.  Great idea to bring her to town.

 

Jack says he wasn’t supposed to make Kelly cry!  She just knows how hard this must be for him, it must be sad.  He said you can’t have beginnings without an ending.  She said Phyllis made him who he is, so he will always still have her.  Omg, stop talking about Phyllis!!  He tells Kelly he is happy, very happy.  They start kissing. Avery appears in the background.  She sees them and looks bummed out.

 

Austin and Summer show us Valentine’s Day tips, except Summer’s not as good at this as Austin.  He says it’s perfect anyway, and that she’s perfect.  And what’s not to love about chocolate icing from a can?  I'm serious.

 

Helen tells Nick he’s going to have to spell it out for her.  Ooo, spelling’s kinda hard.  Nick says he doesn’t know if Mariah told her that she works for him there at the bar.  Helen’s like, wait, Mariah’s in Genoa City??  WAY TO GO, NICK.  You’re worried about Mariah and Ian being snakes, and you added a third one.  Helen says Mariah doesn’t tell her much, they don’t have the easiest relationship.  Nick says well she hits Mariah up for money, which really upsets Mariah.  Helen’s all, excuse me??  She doesn’t think someone born with a silver sippy cup in this mouth should judge other people on hard times.  He says he doesn’t judge her for THAT, it’s her association with Ian Ward.

 

Helen’s surprised that Nick knows about Ian.  Oh, yeah, he knows him personally, and he’s done nothing but cause trouble for his family, and Nick highly doubts Ian’s done yet.  So he wants Helen to tell him what the deal is with Ian, and their connection to him. 

 

Paul just wants to know if Dylan wants to talk, what with Ian stirring things up and reporters on the hunt.  If it’s bad for Paul, it’s got to be worse for Dylan.  Dylan’s getting frustrated.  He said he’s done with Ian, he’s not looking for any trouble.  Paul holds up a chunk of chair and says he’s heard that before.

 

Avery awkwardly talks to Jack and Kelly.  She just wants to tell Jack that she spoke to Summer since Austin’s trial is imminent.  She thinks Summer’s putting on a brave face, maybe too brave.  Right, Summer’s face is about as brave as Nikki’s.  Jack agrees this trial is going to be super hard for pwetty pwincess.  Jack and Kelly are clutching hands through this whole conversation while Avery tries not to look too hard at Kelly.  Clueless Jack says no matter what, they are going to get through all of this as a FAMILY.  Well, except for your sister, OBVIOUSLY.  Avery manages to politely excuse herself and go to her table.  Kelly thinks it was amazing!  That was far less uncomfortable than she thought it would be!  Umm, for Kelly.  Jack says Avery’s cool because she’s had to come to terms with Phyllis’ prognosis herself.  Jack is the one who is blind.

 

The nurse is still chatting with Phyllis about how her handsome fiancé came to visit her.  Phyllis already looks like she’s plotting something.  The nurse says not to worry, they are taking good care of her engagement ring.  LOL, like that’s in a drawer at the coma clinic. 

 

Dylan’s like, so I broke a chair or two.  It’s my place, it’s nobody’s business.  Paul says maybe it IS none of his business.  But right or wrong, all of a sudden he feels a sense of responsibility for a 40 year old man.  Paul admits he probably has his own issues because of crazy Ricky.  So it’s important to him for Dylan to know that he cares about him.  “Is that so wrong?”  Dylan says he could have just said that from the start.  Um..he’s been there for 2 minutes.    Paul says he really doesn’t know where to go with this.  He doesn’t know how to go to being father and son.  Maybe we don’t, says Dylan which isn’t the opposite of everything that’s happened so far AT ALL.

 

Mariah gives Faith a cookie.  It turns out Faith had to come home from the sleepover because she was telling the other kids about LOVE CHILDREN.  So that 6 year old Newman trash got sent home.  TOUGH TOWN.  Mariah’s kind of laughing, like, whoa, love child??  Sharon explains that a reporter exposed Faith to this concept.  Faith is unbothered, she says if a mommy and daddy aren’t married, then you’re a love child, so she’s one herself.  No big.  Sharon begins to explain Faith’s long and confusing parentage, but gives up.  The point is, that’s not a nice way to refer to someone.  She’s like that’s dumb, isn’t love a good thing?  Mariah’s like, don’t look at me. 

 

Faith just laughs and realizes this is another one of those things she’ll understand when she’s older.  These silly grownups!  But she still wishes Mommy and Daddy would get married, because people won’t stop asking her about it!  What a realistic scenario in 2014..in GENOA CITY.  Sharon says they aren’t ready for that, but again, Faith just wants to be a flower girl, dammit, what’s so hard about this??  Sharon says the main thing is that they will always be her parents, and they are a pretty great family. 

 

Helen tells Nick he’s way off base, she and Mariah are not involved with Ian.  Well, Nick finds it very interesting that the three of them are in GC at the exact same time.  Uh, he invited this one.  She’s like whatever.  She doesn’t even remember the last time she had contact with Ian.  Nick says maybe she’s  hiding something.  Like what, sneers Helen. Like maaaaybe, why exactly Mariah was using the fact that she looks just like his dead daughter to gaslight the mother of his children.   Helen’s like, dang.  “You tell me what you know,” says Nick.

 

Tell him, why is his daughter’s lookalike in Genoa City?  Beats me, says Helen. She didn’t even know Mariah WAS a lookalike. He asks if Ian knows?  Sounds like a coincidence to Helen, but Nick doesn’t believe in those.  She says he should ask Ian himself.  Oh, he intends to, and ask Ian about Helen’s story, too. She doesn’t like that.  She says she doesn’t have a story.  Nick says everyone has a story.  She says hers would bore him to death.  He doubts that, he’s already intrigued about why she didn’t raise Mariah.  So what if she didn’t?  He just thinks it’s unusual that she abandoned Mariah and left her with Ian.  Helen says he’s a good father figure.  Nick says he’s a controlling and mentally abusive sonofabitch!  That’s news to Helen. 

 

Nick goes on and on about what a shit mother Helen is, until she stands up and says, “I didn’t even want her in the first place.  She was all Ian’s idea.”  Nick’s like what does that mean?  Just that some people aren’t cut out to be parents, and she should have known she wouldn’t get anything out of this trip.  Well, to be fair, she got a free drink.  She leaves.

 

Leslie comes sweeping into the club to meet Avery, and she’s all flustered and super upset.  It’s Neil, he’s in the hospital.  She tells Avery about the electrocution and that she can tell from Barton that it’s really bad.  Avery is like what are you doing here,  you should be at the hospital!  Leslie’s like, I can’t!  It’s not her place.  She doesn’t want to upset his wife and family.  Leslie says she just wants to concentrate on business and hope to God that Neil pulls through.  They talk about Austin’s trial, and Leslie says she wants Avery to help her keep him out of jail.  Avery looks conflicted.

 

Austin and Summer read candy hearts to each other, like “Sexy” and “Soulmate.”  The phone rings, and it’s Jack, what a big drag being bothered by the guy paying for their awesome apartment.  She asks if he’s with Mom, but no, he’s back and her mom is still pretty much in a coma.  He asks if she’d like him to come over so they can talk, and Summer stares at cute Austin and is like, umm, no, she thinks they want to be alone with their candy hearts.  Jack understands and says he will be there tomorrow and every day after that.  Oh, and Austin won’t be? Summer pouts.  Well, he didn’t mean it like that. Summer pouts more and says thanks for calling.  She hangs up and she and Austin stare sadly at each other.  There should be a candy heart for this.  “Bummer”

 

Paul challenges fickle Dylan, reminding him that he said in the hospital that he fought to get well so he could have a chance to get to know Paul.   Dylan still wants that.  But, I mean, they can’t force a relationship.  Geez, you’re higher maintenance than Abby Newman.  Paul explains that he’s been through all this before with Heather, and they worked through it and built a solid foundation.  Maybe he could call her for advice.  Dylan acts put out, saying he HAD a great family and finding out he was adopted hasn’t changed any of that.  Paul says this isn’t about the past, it’s about the future. 

 

Dylan bitches about he’s still coming to terms with it all and finding out Nikki’s his mom and the mess with Ian, etc.  He’s sorry, but he’s just not there yet.  Don’t let his chopped liver and desperate hospital commando crawling fool you!  Paul says he doesn’t have to be sorry.    But he’s still going to hope that some day Dylan will feel the same way he does.  Yeah, probably the next time he gets arrested.  Daddy!!

 

Jack tells Kelly that he’s worried about Summer.  She seems like someone who is willing herself to keep it together.  Kelly bets his call to her really helped out instead of killing Malibu Valentine’s Day.   Kelly wishes she could help out with overstepping.  They know Summer’s going to be disappointed, maybe angry about him breaking up with Coma Mom.  But Jack says after he’s worked to accept her relationship with cop shooting, kidnapper,  Austin, just maybe she will accept his relationship with a regular person.  Silly Jack, he still thinks life with Summer is a two-way street.

 

Summer and Austin cuddle on the couch.  She does appreciate Jack calling.  She knows visiting Phyllis can wipe you out emotionally, and that’s just when she’s sleeping.  Austin says it’s the worst to know her mom is helpless.  Since Summer’s life is 90% fantasy, she says she likes to imagine their moms being best friends and going shopping.  She has another gift for him, SHE BOUGHT HIM A DAY PLANNER!!  That is the worst fucking gift of all time!  She wanted to share her [delusions] hope that they will be planning lots of things to do together.  Austin says, this is…[horrible] amazing.  He tries to bring up, like, the truth, and she gets her frantic pout on, and says please do not say they are not going to be together!!  Summer is allergic to peanuts and reality.

 

Leslie wants Avery to write a letter on Austin’s behalf, saying she knows he needs to be held accountable for his actions but not really, and that she forgives him.  Avery says that’s a big request.  Leslie thinks it’s absolutely necessary, and it will make ALL the difference.  Why is Avery backtracking now?  Well, gosh, she felt like she owed Austin, and owes Summer, and it’s her nature, really, isn’t it, guys, but the thing is…it will upset DYLAN.  He was furious when she took Austin’s case in the first place.  And there’s Paul and Christine… and she just doesn’t want to [make Dylan mad] hurt any more people!!! 

 

Leslie guilts Avery by explaining that this hurt kid handled his pain really badly and is going to end up doing 20 years in prison with rapists and murderers to atone for it, just so Dylan doesn’t get mad.  Or he could atone on the outside and contribute to society.  She says Avery has always believed in justice.  Which of these scenarios seems just to her?

 

Dylan asks how Paul’s recovering.  Pretty well.  Dylan still wishes he had handled that day differently, running off like an idiot and making everything worse instead of [staying out of it]coordinating with Paul.  You’re not a police officer, Dylan.  Paul tells Dylan to stop beating himself about it, there is really only [horrible police procedure] one guy responsible for him getting shot, and he’s going to be facing the consequences in court tomorrow.  Dylan is so glad that day is finally here.  He can’t wait to see Austin Travers pay for what he did.  Oh, Dylan, cute people never pay.

 

Austin has to comfort SUMMER even though HE is going on trial and says she’s right.  He needs to stay positive and the day planner will be a great reminder [that his young life is over].  He’ll bring it with him tomorrow.  She says it means anything is possible on Planet Summer.  She insists everything’s going to work out.  He says he wishes he had a rich, delusional girlfriend like her in his life sooner.  She gives him hope and makes him happier than he ever thought he could be.   Passionate kissing. He carries her to bed. Wow, they’re making the most of the last night.

 

Mariah’s looking at Sharon and Nick’s wedding album while Sharon puts Faith to bed.  Sharon comes in and says, “It’s not every day you get asked to leave a party for talking about being a love child!”  Lmao.    Mariah says it’s good to give Faith the message that all types of relationships are important.  Mariah says Faith told her that Nick refused to marry Sharon.  Sharon’s like, ahh, no, she’s the one refusing.  Mariah’s [disappointed] surprised.  But Sharon is all excited and says the more she thinks about it, the less she’s resisting.  She thinks she’s “this close” to telling Nick they should go ahead with it!!  Mariah’s like…great.  Sharon goes to check on Faith, and Mariah flips through the wedding pictures.  Nostalgia!  Mariah grabs her purse and rushes out.

 

Ian meets Helen in the park.  He’s agitated.  “What’s this all about, Helen?  What are you doing in Genoa City?”  She says, well, hello to you , too.  He says he should never have agreed to meet with her, and he wants her to stay away from Mariah!  She’s creating a good life for herself there and she doesn’t need Helen interfering.  Instead of giving her attitude, says Helen, he should shut up and listen to what she has to say.   She explains how she was contacted by Nick.Newman.  And he had a hell of a lot of questions about her, and Ian, and Mariah.  Nick is eavesdropping in the bushes!

 

Avery gets to Crimson Lights.  She tells them her meeting with Leslie didn’t go as expected.  Paul says he’ll see them both in court tomorrow.  Avery’s like…yeah.  Paul leaves.  She said that seemed awkward, and he says it might be that way for a while because Dylan’s such a diva.  One thing they DO have in common is hating Austin Travers, and Dylan can’t wait to see him get convicted.  She says that’s what Leslie wanted to see her about.  Leslie wants her to write a letter of support for Austin.  Dylan is pissed.  She says she HAS to.  Austin wouldn’t be in this position if it weren’t for her.  She needs to make this right!  He storms off.  Avery’s stressed out.

 

Austin and Summer snuggle in bed.  They love each other.  Enjoy all those feather pillows, Austin. 

 

Jack and Kelly blah blah.

 

The nurse tells Phyllis that her daughter is beautiful and she and her father must be very proud.    She leaves.  Phyllis’ monitor starts doing something.

 

Mariah comes rushing into The Underground calling for Nick.  She goes into fantasy mode, and desperately tells Dream Nick that he can’t marry Sharon even if she accepts!  He can’t go through with it…and he knows why.  “Because Sharon’s not the woman I want,” says Dream Nick.  “You are, you are, you are.”  (It’s echoing)  He reaches for her and they are about to kiss and NOOOOO!!!!!!!!.  The writers pull away at the last second and sit back and laugh at all of us.  Shut up, writers!  Real Mariah has her eyes closed, enjoying her little fantasy.  

 

Nick is recording Ian and Helen from the bushes. That is one amazing phone.  Ian asks what kind of questions Newman was asking.  Nick’s curious about their connection, how Mariah figures into it, what their intentions are…  Ian hopes she kept her mouth shut.  Helen’s like, what, do you think I’m stupid?  Of course she didn’t say anything.  How much does Nick know, asks Ian.  “Nick has no idea who Mariah really is,” says Helen.  Nick looks like he wants to bust somebody up.

Edited August 18, 2014 by peach

[miamama]

Since Summer’s life is 90% fantasy, she says she likes to imagine their moms being best friends and going shopping.  She has another gift for him, SHE BOUGHT HIM A DAY PLANNER!!  That is the worst fucking gift of all time!  She wanted to share her [delusions] hope that they will be planning lots of things to do together.  Austin says, this is…[horrible] amazing.  He tries to bring up, like, the truth, and she gets her frantic pout on, and says please do not say they are not going to be together!!  Summer is allergic to peanuts and reality.

 

Oh God, Peach, you are magnificent. lol

[kia112]

The.  Title.  Is.  GENIUS!!!!

[peacheslatour]

Jesus peach, you're a friggin genius!

[Petunia13]

I know Sharon is dumb but how did she miss her being pregnant with twins or a second baby popping outta her vag when she birthed Cassie?

Edited August 18, 2014 by Petunia13

[photo fox]

Eh, I think it could be explained. Sharon was a teenager, poor, probably held off telling her mom as long as she could. She likely got sub-par (if any) pre-natal care, so it's possible she never had an ultrasound.

As for the birth, did we ever get details? Maybe she was in medical distress or something. And again, young and naive, I doubt she spent much time reading "What to Expect..." books.

[Joimiaroxeu]

The MWTs are following a hallowed tradition of women forgetting they had children or not even being aware that their children had been born. Erica Kane on AMC had one kid she didn't remember having (at age 14, the result of rape) and another which--without her knowledge--had been transplanted as an embryo into another woman's uterus. Viki Lord on OLTL not only had a twin child she didn't know she'd had, the twins had different fathers. Sharon being unaware or forgetting she gave birth to two kids is just another day at the park in soap opera world. At least YR is stealing from the classics.

Edited August 19, 2014 by Joimiaroxeu

[photo fox]

Agreed. Nikki apparently suppressed the memory of an entire pregnancy and birth. A second peanut in the same shell isn't much in comparison.

[peach]

Having a baby you didn't know about is nothing compared to Summer buying Austin a day planner the night before his trial.

[Runningwild]

The MWTs are following a hallowed tradition of women forgetting they had children or not even being aware that their children had been born. Erica Kane on AMC had one kid she didn't remember having (at age 14, the result of rape) and another which--without her knowledge--had been transplanted as an embryo into another woman's uterus. Viki Lord on OLTL not only had a twin child she didn't know she'd had, the twins had different fathers. Sharon being unaware or forgetting she gave birth to two kids is just another day at the park in soap opera world. At least YR is stealing from the classics.

 

Iva on ATWT gave birth to Lily and gave her up for adoption.  Years after finding Lily and reconciling with her, we (and Iva) learned that there had been 2 daughters -  Lily and Rose, both played by Martha Byrne.

 

I'm just grateful Mariah isn't a loud, uncooth New Jersey chick.

[jodo]

I just discovered Peaches recaps and now live for them!  What a dead on hoot, well done and thanks for taking the time to write these!!

Edited August 19, 2014 by jodo

[crowsworks]

Who needs the show when we have you to MST3K this pile of gosa. RIght up there with Sci-fi Debris and Honest Trailers.

[ByTor]

I haven't been watching the show, but these recaps make me want to see what I've been missing (good or bad).  Maybe TPTB could stumble upon your work, @peach , and hire you to recap for them to generate interest in this show!

[movinon]

  She asks about his trip. He says it was what you would expect, Phyllis didn’t really argue.  

 

This cracks me up...she didn't argue, but she sure did some twitching when he left.  Can't wait for her to wake up and give him hell !!!

 

 

 

[peach]

Thanks, everyone, for the nice compliments.  I'm blushing.  Spreading some humor is a humanitarian effort, right?  That totally justifies not finishing the laundry?  lol

 

The hardest part is staying away from Daily Chat if I'm behind so I don't get spoiled.  It's so much MORE stupid if you don't know what's coming.

 

Edited August 19, 2014 by peach

[peach]

Mon, Aug 18, 2014  Stay Positive

 

Abby and Victoria discuss weird birth plans at the rooftop bar.  Victoria says there’s no one she’d rather have as a birth coach than Abby.  “Are you sure?” asks Abby, as dripping wet, shirtless Stitch walks up behind them.

 

Chelsea is frustrated and littering in the park because she can’t come up with a good idea.  Billy happens by.  “Sad morning?” he asks.

 

Nick is at the cottage listening to the recording of Helen saying he has no idea who Mariah really is.  Sharon comes bopping down the stairs in some cool black and white patterned shorts.  She notices he’s acting sketchy.

 

Devon brings Hilary coffee in the hospital.  She didn’t sleep all night or change her clothes, and that blouse is incredibly wrinkle proof. She’s sad because Neil can’t see.  Devon wants to stay positive. She’s all upset because it’s her fault he bought the death trap house.  She also feels guilty because she was about to tell Neil she was leaving him, and she’s an awful person.  Devon says she’s NOT an awful person.  Actually, Devon is the awful person, since he kept pursuing his father’s wife, but Hilary keeps feeling guilty while Devon sticks with the “staying positive” thing.  They agree their focus should be on Neil’s recovery, and when he gets his sight back, they’ll tell him the truth.

 

Neil thinks Devon is coming in his room, but it’s a social worker named Brian who’s there to help him lead a full life.  Neil impresses Brian and the rest of us with his super powers of observation, because he knew that Brian wasn’t his wife or daughter because he didn’t smell perfume, and he could tell it was a man by the sound of his footsteps.  Mind.  Blown.  The rest of us rubes could never tell something like that, just by using our other senses.  Neil is humble about it, though, because he’s a Jabot professional who  knows about perfumes.  Brian says his professional expertise is going come in handy because he’s going to have to rely solely on that.  What if I’m not wearing perfume, Neil, what then?  Brian says Neil’s going to have make some adjustments, but Neil tells the wall it’s not necessary, because he is NOT blind.

 

Stitch is just passing by and doesn’t want to interrupt Victoria and Abby.  But Victoria says she knows he heard her talking about Abby being her birth coach.  He’s like, it’s cool, he’s glad she found somebody she can trust.  Vicky keeps explaining anyway that she couldn’t choose between him and Billy, and having them both there would just be… Interesting, says Stitch, and not in a good way.  Abby says it would be a nightmare.  Stitch keeps saying she doesn’t have to explain, he would never do anything to hurt her.  HAH, Abby snorts.

 

Well, Vicky has to get to the office now, and drops the news that she went back to work for her dad.  Abby is momentarily shocked, but Stitch likely doesn’t even know what Newman/Chancellor is or why this could be a problem.  Vicky says it won’t add stress, it will help her forget her stress.  Abby’s down with that.  Victoria leaves, and Abby asks Stitch to tell her how a murderer gets into a respectable club like this?  The same way the rest of them do, I guess.

 

Billy asks Chelsea if she has designer’s block.  She can’t get inspired for a single Forrester design.  Hmm, maybe Chloe really was that important.  Billy chides that “you creative types” act like [working] coming up with an original idea is so hard.  Chelsea stabs him with her pencil.  Just kidding.  She tells him he ought to try, but he admits that critiquing other people’s work is more his thing.  Billy’s wearing a suit, so he knows that she needs to figure out what’s keeping her blocked.  Epic insight.  She says it’s post-birthday party blues and thinking about getting through the next year without Adam.  Well, that’s her problem, she needs to focus on the POSITIVE. 

 

They talk about how Connor is obsessed with the soccer ball, but guess what, you guys, it WASN’T from Victor.  She figures it was from Jack, but Billy says Jack is going to deliver Connor’s present himself.  Huh.  She can’t figure it out.  Connor the 1 year old baby LOVES soccer.  She wonders who it was.

 

Sharon questions Nick on his distracted behavior.  He says she doesn’t need to worry about it, he’ll figure it out.  Etc.  Sharon has a late meeting tonight, so she will see Nick much later.  She leaves, and Mariah comes down.  She’s all happy because she’s so friggin awesome at waitressing that she had her best night yet in tips.  She high fives Nick, prompting a brief memory in Nick of itty bitty Cassie high fiving him, which kind of weirds him out.

 

Mariah asks Nick why he’s looking at her like he’s seen a ghost.  Uh, no reason, I’m sure it’s not because you LOOK JUST LIKE CASSIE.  Nick mentions that Sharon’s coming home late tonight, which makes Mariah decide to do some shopping.  She won’t be long, she says, like it matters.

 

“I’m not blind,” says Neil, “I just can’t see.”  Oh, well that’s different.  Brian says that doesn’t make sense.  Well, he’s not gonna STAY blind.  Neil knows the doctor says there are no guarantees, but he doesn’t KNOW Neil, and neither does this Brian guy.  He’s gonna beat this.  Umm…I don’t think vision is a matter of determination, or I would NOT need glasses, but Neil gets angry and tells that wall he doesn’t need a blind man’s cane or a seeing eye dog!  He just married the most beautiful woman in the world, and he’s going to spend the rest of his life looking at her!

 

Hilary and Devon talk about who should tell Neil they’re going to destroy him.  Devon hates lying to him, especially now.   Now Devon doesn’t know if he can stay positive.  What if Neil doesn’t get his sight back?  That would really suck for Devon and Hilary.  He hugs her. A nurse comes up and assumes Hilary must be Neil’s daughter.  Awk-ward.  And how nice is it for her to have a supportive husband with her.

 

Stitch tells Abby that she certainly lives up to the hype.  Ha.  “Saying what everyone else is thinking?” asks Abby.  No, speaking before she thinks.  Beats plotting a murder and then going through with it, she says.  He sits down and says he doesn’t owe her any explanation, but what happened to his father wasn’t premeditated.  “Oh, it was more like, oops, I slipped and killed Daddy? That sort of thing?”  Stitch is in awe of the stone cold bitch that is THE Abby Newman.  He recovers and says he paid his dues at the club, so if she doesn’t like it, she’s free to go someplace else.  She thinks HE should go someplace else so SHE can focus on being Vicky’s labor coach.

 

For some reason, Stitch decides to open up and tells her if he’s the father, this marks the second time he’ll miss his baby’s birth.  She says it’s not surprising his wife didn’t want him in the delivery room either.  “I was deployed,” says Stitch.  “Good use of your skills,” she says coolly.  Haha, the veteran card doesn’t work on Abby.  He's like, wtf?  He just can’t give up though, and says even though he was in Afghanistan, he read all the baby birthin’ stuff, and he gets really earnest about Vicky needing ice and pillows and music.  He still has a play list he made Jenna.  Abby thaws a little bit, and says if he wants to send her the songs, he can.  He has his little boy face going and says he thinks Abby will be an amazing coach.  I love my sister, says Abby.  So do I, says Stitch.

 

She tells him she didn’t always think he was such a creep, in fact, she was once a fan of Stashley.  He’s like….Stashley?  Yeah, Stitch and her mom, Ashley.  She says she thought he would be good with her.  But not with Victoria??  Victoria is meant to be with Billy, says Abby.  She could never see her with anyone else.  This whole scene makes me want Stitch to get with Abby, and then they would be Stabby.   This needs to happen. I’m willing to wait.

 

Blah blah, Chelsea’s never had designers block before.  Billy, who’s not supposed to be her friend anymore, offers to be her sounding board.  She reminds him how mean he was about her last crappy design.  Billy says he’s grown professionally since then, and he’s even the head of R&D now.  Dickhead, maybe.  Interim head, reminds Chelsea. “I’m doing the job!” he insists.  No, you’re not, you’re screwing around on a park bench with Chelsea!  He will tell Chelsea how wonderful he is (his words, not mine).  But seriously, folks, working in cosmetics has opened him up artistically.  He’s developing a line of eyeshadows with like silver and glitter and stuff, available soon at The Icing for 99 cents.  She could design a silver dress to go with it.  Omg, this is SO cutting edge.  They playfully wrestle for her sketchpad and come a millimeter from kissing when Victoria walks by.   Everyone stares.

 

Hilary and Devon awkwardly explain to the nurse that she’s his wife and he’s his son.  Devon is just comforting her.  Mmm hmm.  The nurse leaves and Hilary freaks out how other people are going to start thinking you know what.  Devon thinks they should stay positive.

 

Brian tries to get through to Neil that he’s going to need help.  Let him show him a few things, like how to use his cell phone.  Neil can use his cell phone, thanks anyway.  Oh, really, does he know where it is?  Uh, sure, he feels around on the side table, but it’s on the OTHER table.  That doesn’t prove anything, my husband can’t ever find his cell phone, and he can see just fine.  Brian gives Neil the phone. Neil says he’s not stupid, he can do it.  He wants some privacy to listen to his messages.  Brian says Neil can call him if he needs anything, without leaving his phone number.  Neil uses voice command to get his messages, and hears Hilary saying they need to meet because it’s really important.

 

Stitch tells Abby that maybe she can’t see Victoria with anyone else, but that should be up to Victoria.  She says now that Vicky has seen him for who he really is, she’ll make the right decision.  And choose Billy? he asks incredulously.  Their gutter love is forever, so he should just stop trying to destroy it!  Hasn’t he ruined enough families?  He says he is NOT this terrible person she thinks he is.  Well, she doesn’t know any nice guys who did what he did.  Wow.  In GC?  He says his old man was an abusive SOB.  She asks if that’s supposed to justify his actions?  Sometimes good people are forced to do terrible things.  She agrees that people make mistakes, but she’s never killed anyone, like, successfully.

 

Victoria is polite with Chelsea and Billy and asks how Connor’s party was.  It was great.  She says Victor was sorry to miss it.  No explanation for why Aunt Vicky wasn’t there either, but Chelsea says there will be plenty of milestones for Victor to celebrate later.  Well, Vicky doesn’t want to interrupt whatever it was they were doing.  Billy insists that Chelsea was working outside, and he was just walking by and fell on her face.  She says he doesn’t have to explain.  He just doesn’t want her to think..um..how is the baby?  She says they’re both fine.  He stammers all over himself and says he could hang with Johnny and her right now, while Chelsea is like, wth, in the background.  Vicky has her own plans today, since she’s back to work..at Newman/Chancellor.  Billy's like, wait, WHAT?  WHY?

 

Nick is going through an album of family photos, looking at Cassie.  He remembers Helen saying she didn’t want Mariah, she was all Ian’s idea.  He looks at Cassie again. He calls someone on the phone.  “I know you thought you’d never hear from me again, but I really need your help.” 

 

Nick’s is sending the Newman jet to pick up the mystery person.  Can he do that?  Screw Newman/Chancellor, but hey, can I use the jet this weekend?  Sharon is back!  Her meeting got canceled because Neil went to the hospital.  She notices the photo album.  They discuss how cozy Sharon feels with Mariah and it’s not because she thinks it’s Cassie, except for how it is just like that.  Nick doesn’t like this.  He acts sketchy again, and says he’ll explain it all to her later, but right now there’s something he has to go figure out.  He leaves.

 

Stabby is still arguing.  Abby says Victoria wants nothing to do with him.  Blah blah.  He gets mad and says so she doesn’t believe in second chances?  Unless they’re for her?  She’s never lied about her past.  Stitch says he had his reasons.  She doesn’t care.  Victoria doesn’t care.  But Stitch LOVES her.  Abby says he made Victoria fall in love with someone who doesn’t exist, drove a wedge between her and Billy, and got her pregnant, all while pretending to be a decent man.  Stitch says she doesn’t know a damn thing about him!

 

Billy asks Victoria if this is a good idea to work for Victor, she knows how he can be. Oh, yeah? He’s VERY loving and supportive of her.  Billy’s like that’s his MO, to draw you in and act like he’s on your side, that everyone ELSE (Billy) is the enemy?  He can’t think of anything more stressful than working for Victor.  Oh?  Well, she can, I think it’s called being married to Billy.  She says working makes her feel better, and Chelsea chimes in and says it’s true.  She worked up until she had Connor.  Vicky’s like, please don’t compare your stank ass to my special snowflake existence.   Chelsea’s like, dang, mean girl!

 

Brian tells Devon and Hilary that Neil’s still struggling to accept his blindness that he found out about a few hours ago.  Devon says they will be there to help him get around.  Brian says he helped him get his phone messages, and Devon and Hilary look at each other, like, shit. Neil’s going to hear the incredibly incriminating message that says let’s meet and talk!  Brian gives them a card.  Hilary panics about the message, and bursts into Neil’s room.

 

He says she sounded kind of upset in that voicemail.  Yes, says Hilary.  She needs to tell him something.  That’s it, just rip off the bandaid all at once.  Give him all the bad news at one time.  She says she never expected this to happen!!  Neil asks the ceiling what she’s talking about.  Devon is frowning at her like, what are you doing??

 

Devon steps in and says Hilary feels terrible about what happened.  She was washing her hands and lost her engagement ring down the drain.  She was worried he’d see her without it and get the wrong idea.  Neil says their relationship is stronger than that, blah blah.  She says she should have known he would forgive her.  He kisses her hand and says there is NOTHING she could do that he wouldn’t forgive.  Hilary looks sick.

 

Now Abby is following STITCH around.  She asks how long has he been stuffing down that nasty anger?  He’s like, me?  Why is she being so rude? She says if she’s JUST being rude, he should consider himself lucky.  “I AM Victor Newman’s daughter, after all.”  Blah blah, he deserves to pay for his actions.  Um, he lost his sister for years, his wife took his son away, he can’t teach him to ride a bike, etc.  Isn’t that payback enough?  He even left out losing his career.  Abby looks slightly chastened.

 

Vicky apologizes to Chelsea and says her hormones are out of control.  Billy says he should mind his own business about Victor.  He may be the CEO of doom and gloom, but he does love Victoria and wouldn’t hurt her.  “You know what’s best for you.”  Billy talks to Vicky’s baby belly and Chelsea looks a little jealous.

 

Sharon’s picking up around the cottage and goes in the kitchen.  Mariah comes in with a little shopping bag.  She hears noises in the kitchen and gets excited.  “Perfect,” she says.

 

Neil tells Hilary he can’t wait to be home with her.  He asks for a kiss.  Devon walks in.  He says Neil’s ready to be released and a nurse is coming to help him get dressed.  Neil doesn’t need any help!  Hilary says SHE will help.  Devon goes outside, acting kind of pouty.  Hilary helps Neil with his clothes.  She’s gently buttoning his shirt, and Devon watches through the window.  Go away, Devon.

 

Stabby is STILL arguing.  Abby finally walks away.

 

Billy calls the baby Junior, and Vicky says it might be a girl.  Victoria, Jr. then, he says.  Chelsea decides to excuse herself, but Billy offers to walk with her, since he has to get to work and at least pretend to be a responsible department head (his words, not mine).  Okay, great! Says Chelsea, flashing a triumphant smile.  “Bye, Victoria.”  This is getting very high school.  Victoria watches Billy and Chelsea walk away together chatting and laughing.  She starts to walk away herself, but doubles over holding her belly.  Ouch, ow.

 

Neil is aggravated that he has to leave in a wheelchair, but it’s just hospital policy.  He grumbles about not wanting a social worker, and Hilary says he doesn’t have to have one. She promises to be with him as long as he needs and kisses his hand.  Devon is watching and frowning like a jealous baby.  Geez, Devon.  It’s not like you can’t cheat right in front of Neil now.  Hilary wheels him out.

 

Mariah comes down the stairs in some lingerie that is a really unattractive color.  “I have a surprise for you!” she sings out.  Only it’s SHARON.  It’s a surprise all right.  They both freeze.  Sharon is stunned.  Mariah looks guilty as sin.

 

Nick is at the club, knocking on a hotel room door.  It opens, and Nick says, “Thank God you’re here,” to persons unknown.

[photo fox]

I want Stabby to happen so badly now.

[Petunia13]

I like Sharon's shorts too Peach ! And yes if you don't wear perfume and you stomp into a room then Neil will think you're a man.

Abby is looking like a pathetic lunatic right now with her actions up to and after her breakup with Tyler and now obsessive fixation on Villy and Stitch. Calm the fuck down.

[LeftPhalange]

 

I want Stabby to happen so badly now.

 

Abby and Stench getting together would be nice. It would keep him away from Vicki and Billy and Abby seems like maybe she wouldn't tolerate Stench's stalker and overbearing behavior.

[peach]

Abby and Stench getting together would be nice. It would keep him away from Vicki and Billy and Abby seems like maybe she wouldn't tolerate Stench's stalker and overbearing behavior.

 

I would enjoy seeing this build up as a proper love/hate romance instead of these constant insta-relationships that are all supposed to be a love for the ages.  I see a spark of something there.

 

Edited August 20, 2014 by peach

[Runningwild]

Not sure what's funnier - Stabby or Hevon.