Explain it to Me Like I'm Lily: Recaps for the Disenchanted

[Petunia13]

I figured that must be the case.

[Capricasix]

Don't flowers exhale oxygen, though? I'd think it would be more due to potential allergens.

[Runningwild]

I checked around and it is the risk of infection that causes their ban from ICU.

[PatsyandEddie]

And they are a pain in the ass to the staff. So are the cards actually.

[peacheslatour]

I can't believe I'm saying this, but when Cane isn't with Lily I kind of like him.

[Snaporaz]

Me, too, peacheslatour.  This probably belongs in the Unpopular Opinions thread, but even though I hate "Cane and Lily", I do like Cane.

Edited June 24, 2014 by Snaporaz

[peach]

Recent episodes have been good, like when he told Lily to stop acting like a bitch, since she really isn't one.  Except he said it way nicer than I did, lol.  I liked that whole scene where she acknowledged being out of control, because it was really unusual for a soap opera.  ha!  And I did really like how he tried to frame it to Neil that it's not fair to rush Hilary to the altar.  Even if he was saying it for Devon's sake, it's true. Much better than when he tries to do the angry yelling stuff.  Leave angry yelling to Lily.

[peacheslatour]

Yes peach, I'm really liking calm voice of reason Cane way better than lechy or angry Cane.  And you're right about Lily's realization about her anger- very unusual self awareness for this show.  Let's hope we see more of it.

 

On another note, this may be premature but on first viewing I don't hate NuBilly.  I mean I couldn't stand DT's Billy at first sight, so more good news, IMHO.

[peach]

On another note, this may be premature but on first viewing I don't hate NuBilly.  I mean I couldn't stand DT's Billy at first sight, so more good news, IMHO.

 

I'm getting ready to check it out.  It's hard for me to let DT go, because he gave me so much material.  <sniffle, sniffle>  If the show starts getting better, what am I going to do??  lol

 

 

Edited June 24, 2014 by peach

[peacheslatour]

 

what am I going to do??

Don't worry there is always the swirling vortex of stupid that are Summer, Avery, Kneel, Mariah, Sharin, Nick... you know what?  The list of characters who aren't jokes would be shorter!  You (and your loyal readers) will be just fine!

Edited June 24, 2014 by peacheslatour

[peach]

Tue, June 24, 2014  A Taller Idiot

 

Colin flirts with Jill.  Her necklace is damp from the shower, and he can’t believe she would shower with an 18 million dollar necklace.  At that price, it ought to be waterproof, I say.

 

Hilary and Jack are at work!  He slams down the phone because he’s having a fit about Summer being in love with Austin Travers.  HE REFUSES TO ACCEPT IT!!  Hilary says grief makes you the worst version of yourself sometimes, and maybe Summer sees more than his mistakes. NO, Jack thinks Hilary is totally different because she’s young and gorgeous, and Austin will NEVER turn his life around like she did. Hilary says only because some people gave her a second chance, and Austin is young and gorgeous too, so it will probably work out fine.  Enough about that, she got her work done so she could leave early?  She’s getting married! 

 

Neil approaches Lily at the club.  Yes, she’s heard he’s marrying Hilary today.  He starts to lecture her about not starting any trouble, but she says not to worry, because she’s not going to throw a fit.  She’ll just have to deal with it.  And I need a word that is smugger than SMUG for the obnoxious look on his self-satisfied face.

 

Cane sits with Devon and tells him to go relax somewhere to take his mind off the horrible upcoming wedding.  Devon can’t relax because he can’t stop kicking himself for being so stupid as to spill his guts to Hilary.  He should have known a kiss wasn’t going to change anything.  Cane’s like, whoa!  A kiss?  Devon’s like, yeah, a good one, but now he has to sit back and shut up.  Cane gets excited…he’s like, no way, you gotta go tell Neil right now before he takes his vows!  Cane, you sneaky devil.

 

Anita asks Chelsea why she doesn’t have a tan after “all that time” Down Under.  1.  It looks like she does have a tan. 2.  She was there for A DAY AND A HALF.  3.  She made it back faster than she got there.  The writers must have Australia confused with Austria.  Anita’s all excited to hear how the con went with Billy!  Not exactly as planned, says Chelsea.  IOW, they failed.

 

Billy grew about a foot taller on the flight home.  He stops by Victoria’s to see Johnny.  She says she hears he’s harboring some secret about the kind of cereal he likes and maybe he can dig the truth out of him.  Sassy.  He’s still the same old Billy and acts like he didn’t really lie about Australia, because it was a certain kind of business trip.  Yeah, the nunya business kind.  Vicky thinks he’s full of crap since he just begged her to trust him and then pulled this, and maybe he’s just doing this stuff on purpose because he doesn’t really want her to take him back.

 

Anita disses Chelsea for being such a lousy con after she taught her so much better.  Chelsea thinks it’s going to be fine, though, because they’ll just chase down another angle, poorly.  Anita picks up that maybe Chelsea and Billy kind of have something going on, so what is it?  Chelsea looks annoyed.  She obviously doesn’t want to admit she kissed Billy for no reason.

 

OF COURSE Billy wants Victoria back.  She tells him it’s sick that he went all the way to Australia to dig up dirt on Stitch, taking CHELSEA with him, no less.  She reminds him that CHELSEA is the one who drugged him to get herself pregnant.  He’s new around here, you know.  But he does know that it was only because HER father paid Chelsea to do it, so there.  Anyway, Chelsea’s the only help he’s got, so he’s taking it.  Vicky asks what the gambler and the con found out, and he pretends he found out plenty.  Well…he met Stitch’s exwife who ran away from him.  He asks if that sounds normal.  She says it sounds like none of his business.  Billy starts yelling about Stitch, and WHAT IS IT about this hot, war hero, doctor that keeps her from seeing who he really is??  Is she afraid to learn the truth because she might have to start paying attention to Billy again??  Hahaha.  She says it’s not all about you, Billy.  Blah blah Stitch has a secret.  Same old stupid Billy, just taller.

 

Jack reminds Hilary that Neil was engaged to Leslie about five minutes ago, and also she likes kissing people out of gratitude, so maybe she’s confused.  She says it’s so much more than gratitude, it’s March Madness basketball and junk food, and so much more, except that’s like the only date they ever went on and it wasn’t even a date.  She knew it was real love when Neil explained it to her.

 

Devon thinks it’s kind of a crappy plan to tell his dad he was kissing Hilary yesterday.  He’s like, been there, done that.  Cane says this wedding isn’t going to last a year.  Wait it out, I say.  But Cane’s had just about enough of this Winters bullshit and thinks everyone needs to put their damn cards on the table!

 

Neil and Lily talk about how good she’s being.  He says she doesn’t think this marriage will last, though.  No, she does not.  But she’s going to let him make his own mistakes.  Maybe 5th time’s the charm.   Blah love blah.  Neil walks over to Devon and says he knows what happened with Hilary yesterday.  Devon looks like he just got caught shoplifting.

 

Colin can’t believe Jill won’t take off the necklace.  She says it’s their good luck charm.  Jill exits, and Colin calls someone, shifty Malone presumably, and says if he can’t get the thing off her neck, he can’t save his own.

 

Devon starts apologizing to Neil because he doesn’t want to hurt him.  Neil isn’t hurt, he’s disappointed.  Devon figures out that Neil doesn’t know about the kiss while he blathers on about Devon’s unfair disapproval of them.  Neil briefly hypnotizes Devon who can’t even remember what he’s talking about.  Hilary makes Neil happier than he’s been for a long, long time, less than 30 days ago.  Devon says he won’t say another word then.  Neil isn’t going to bother asking Lily to come to the ceremony, but he wants special son Devon to be his best man.  Even Devon can’t play it that cool, and says he’s too busy working today, which is the worst excuse in all of Genoa City, and Neil knows it. 

 

Hilary convinces Jack that she and Neil have super true love, and he tells her to go grab her boring future, and gives her a hug.

 

Victoria tells stupid Billy that he has hurt her over and over again, yet wants to protect her from someone that hasn’t hurt her ONCE.  But Stitch is bad!  Victoria reminds Billy that she has a pretty sordid past herself that STITCH doesn’t know about, so it’s kind of even.  Yeah, but Stitch lost custody of  his son, says Billy.  Right, like Victoria lost custody of Reed, so does he think SHE is a terrible person?  Victor might add that Billy left his kid alone in a car at night.

 

Billy would NOT tell Vicky she was a terrible person…because he knows how she looks in the morning before she has a cup of coffee.  So does Stitch.  Billy makes his usual garbage “romantic” arguments where he tells her how she feels about everything.  He says Victoria doesn’t love Stitch…she can’t…because of everything they have between them.  She glares at him.  “Nothing!  We have nothing.”  She wants a divorce!

 

Anita keeps fishing with Chelsea.  Chelsea says, well…there was a “moment” with Billy.  She asks if this was like “the moment” that made Johnny?   No, that’s sick, it was a tiny, accidental kiss, and just because he was talking about and missing Victoria.  She blames it on the jetlag.  Anita thinks it’s pretty great. 

 

Manipulative Billy keeps telling Victoria what she thinks, saying she doesn’t really want a divorce.  She’s just trying to shut down the conversation because she knows he’s right.  Never underestimate the power of denial.  Victoria says being separated hasn’t fixed anything, which he blames on Stitch.  She says, no, it’s the lack and trust and honesty.  Yeah, well, what about the baby?  She says he can be close with Johnny and this baby, too, if it’s his.  He thinks they can be good together again, but she can’t do it anymore.  It’s over.

 

Kelly runs into Stitch at the club.  She says he looks like hell.  Well, it’s been a long night, he says,  because he’s been at the hospital all night, and Paul Williams is dying, and his best friend might die trying to save his life, but how have YOU been?  Kelly sympathizes, but says Stitch does all this life saving stuff because his conscience feels bad about taking a life.  How many lives has Kelly saved, I wonder.  He looks at her with extreme distaste, and I kind of wish someone would slap her.

 

Lily comments on how not joyful everyone feels about this stupid wedding.  Devon says Hilary doesn’t know what she’s doing.  Lily thinks she knows EXACTLY what she’s doing, which is marrying a sugar daddy.

 

Neil meets with the judge in the park.  He says his nerves will settle down when his bride arrives.

 

Colin thinks he can get the necklace soon.  He pulls some pills out of his pocket.  “Oh, Jill,” he says to himself,  “how can I be a good husband if I’m in a coffin?”  He mixes some pills in her tea and calls her in.

 

Billy barges in Jack’s office and tells him Victoria wants a divorce.  Jack says what did you expect to happen?  He told him not to do stuff like go to Australia.  Also, when is he going to actually work at Jabot?  Billy’s like how the hell does everyone KNOW about this?  Jack overheard Victoria, and Kelly told him the rest.  Billy gets all snotty and says for someone who cried a lot about breaking up his marriage, she sure isn’t doing him any favors.  Jack’s like this is YOUR bonehead move, not hers.  He tells Billy the world doesn’t revolve around him and OTHER PEOPLE have their own crisis.

 

Billy pauses in his selfishness to ask what happened to Jack.  Hey, REMEMBER WHEN MY DAUGHTER WAS MISSING AND PAUL GOT SHOT BY A GUY TWO DAYS AGO?  When you decided to leave town?  Yeah, that’s what happened.  Summer tried to run to Canada with a cop-shooting felon.  And KELLY was very supportive and helpful to Jack. 

 

Billy doesn’t give two shits about Summer, but he really wants Jack to walk away from Kelly before he gets in too deep.  Because misery loves company, Billy smears Kelly with the Stitch brush and says she’s just as big a liar as Stitch!!  Which makes them both less of a liar than Billy.  He doesn’t want to see it blow up in Jack’s face.  Sure he doesn’t.

 

Stitch doesn’t need Kelly’s shit today because his best friend is getting cut open AND he has to break it off with Victoria, so she can get in line if she wants to make him miserable.  “Break it off with Victoria?” gasps Kelly.  OMG, that’s all you’ve been bitching about for a month, Kelly!  Stitch doesn’t have much choice because of Jenna and Max.  Maybe if he backs off of Victoria, Billy will back off of him, and he won’t lose Max. 

 

Ugh, but what if the baby is his?  He’s so conflicted!  Kelly says he can still be in the baby’s life but not Victoria’s.  That sounds so appealing to Stitch.  He says he wants to know his kids, and for his kids to know him.  Really, she says.  Wouldn’t it be the kindest thing for them never to know him or about his crimes.  HOW does he not strangle her?  He says she won’t let him forget, not even for a second.  Why should she, she asks?  She can’t, Jenna can’t (because Kelly can’t), Max and this baby won’t be able to.  He’s gotta know how Victoria and the entire English speaking world could never ever forgive him or give him credit for any good thing he’s ever done in his entire life, so he decides he does have to do it.  He has to break things off with Victoria.  To hear Kelly tell it, Stitch should just kill himself.

 

Lily is glad they don’t have to sit through that joke of a wedding.  She and Cane are going to handle it by going to Paris.  She thinks Devon should go buy an island.  Then she blames him for not stepping up and seducing Hilary when she told him to.  Devon’s kind of bummed out about that now himself.

 

Hilary arrives in the park.  Neil was afraid she might change her mind.  He had a moment where he realized he was a hypocrite for slamming Leslie for getting married after three weeks.  But Hilary said Leslie set him free for the right woman, and there she was.  Blah blah love future you.  The judge interrupts and says they have a problem.  They don’t have witnesses.  Neil completely forgot about that even though he’s been married four times.  Who are they going to call??  Everyone hates them.  So they ask the sketchy hot dog cart guy and some jogger girl to be the witnesses.  They probably think they’re being Punk’d, but they do it.  Which is so unbelievably sad.

 

Jill and Colin toast Katherine with the drugged tea.

 

Billy forwards vague, shady theories about Kelly and Stitch, and how it’s their fault he got in trouble for going to Australia against all advice.  Doesn’t Jack think they’re weird??  Jack thinks whatever happened is over and part of their past, and doesn’t everyone have a shady past?  Billy is relentless and pressures Jack to find out once and for all what went down between those two.

 

Stitch gets to Victoria’s.  She pours out everything that happened with Billy and that she told him she wants a divorce.  Stitch is shocked.  “You told him that?”  “Yes,” says Victoria, eyes gleaming, “and now I’m going to tell you this.”  She starts kissing him passionately, and he’s sort of resisting but not really because he lurves Victoria.  He pulls back and says whoa, what are you doing?  She’s taking his shirt off, that’s what she’s doing.  She asks if he still wants her, and Stitch doesn’t even remember his own name right now, so yes, yes, and they passionately fall on the couch or floor or something.  They fall, basically.

 

Billy arrives at Chelsea’s to whine on her shoulder about how his life got so messed up.  He didn’t mess it up, of course.  Victoria found out he went to Australia with Chelsea so now she wants a divorce.  Chelsea feels sowwy for Billy and hugs him, while Anita smiles with glee around the corner.

 

Kelly stops in Jack’s office and now that his idiot brother has poisoned his mind against Miss Vivaldi, he starts talking to her like he’s the D.A. or something.  He informs her Billy’s back and his trip to Australia didn’t go well, and it’s getting worse, because Billy didn’t get his way.  Kelly thinks that’s a real shame, but haven’t they decided to leave that topic alone?  Jack thinks it’s gone past that now because Billy is a selfish baby.  He thinks it’s finally time to deal with this, and he needs to know the truth.  Ugh, Jack.

 

Lily and Cane stop by Jill’s to say goodbye before they leave for Paris.  Lily would love a cup of tea.  Colin stands there helplessly.

 

Hilary wants to say her vows first.  Thank you for being kind and sexy blah blah.  She came in his life for the wrong reasons but now she never wants to leave.  He is her second chance.  She’s so lucky and grateful.  He’s the lucky one because she took his anger and bitterness away, blah blah.  The judge says they’re both lucky, and he assumes he doesn’t need to ask about objections, right when Devon comes running around the corner.  Hilary stares at him in despair.

[Joimiaroxeu]

Billy grew about a foot taller on the flight home.

LOL! The plane must have had a gym on board because it looks like he did some working out too.

 

Cane says this wedding isn’t going to last a year.

I've heard of long weddings, maybe several hours if you include the reception, but a year? Who has that kind of time? (Seriously, though, this show is getting sloppy with the bad line readings.)

 

She’s so lucky and grateful.

Yep, lucky and grateful to be rushed into bed, rushed into an engagement, and rushed into a wedding. A wedding in a friggin' public park with a sweaty jogger and a guy reeking of hot dog juice literally pulled off the street as the witnesses. Neil probably bought the ring at K-Mart and they won't even go a honeymoon because of important Jabot work he has to do. Hilary's grateful to be treated like garbage so Neil can pretend she's not a rebound booty call? The only good think about it is that there's no prenup but knowing Hilary she'll be too honorable to take half his money when they inevitably divorce. Grrr!

Edited June 25, 2014 by Joimiaroxeu

[SweePea59]

You're right, Peach, Neil is a hypnotist. In fact I'm getting sleepy, sleeeepy, just thinking about it.

[Petunia13]

Kelly is really getting on my fucking nerves.

[pearlite]

Is it just my juvenile side, or is it funny that Neil plots a wedding near a hot dog wagon? Wiener jokes?

 

Didn't Victoria puke there? Who's next at this important prop, I wonder?

[Suby]

Is it just my juvenile side, or is it funny that Neil plots a wedding near a hot dog wagon? Wiener jokes?

 

Didn't Victoria puke there? Who's next at this important prop, I wonder?

Hillary:  "Neil, is that a hot dog wagon or are you just glad to see me?"

 

lol I cracked up at that too.  Plus the random jogger who agreed to be a witness.  Sponge Bob Square Pants is more creative than this show.

Edited June 25, 2014 by Suby

[peach]

Isn't there a gazebo in this park?  Where Avery jilted Nick?  I guess Y&R just rented it for a day, and now Neil has to just get married on the sidewalk next to the hot dog cart. 

Kelly is really getting on my fucking nerves.

 

Ikr?  And yet...it still pisses me off that Billy was badgering Jack about her, saying she's as big of a liar as Stitch.  When did Kelly lie about anything?  She just won't talk about it, which is her right.  And then Jack, who's been in a perfectly good and respectful relationship with her, starts interrogating her like she committed a crime and owes him an explanation, just because Billy's panties are in a wad.  And I don't even LIKE Kelly most of the time.  (She's okay with Jack, but she's unbearable around Stitch, which is mostly just bad writing because they can't make up their minds.)

[Blueeyes]

It's like Christmas morning when Peach posts a new recap!!

[Snaporaz]

 

 

Is it just my juvenile side, or is it funny that Neil plots a wedding near a hot dog wagon? Wiener jokes?

Didn't Victoria puke there? Who's next at this important prop, I wonder?

Yes, she puked there AFTER EATING ONE OF THOSE HOT DOGS!  (yeah, I know, it was morning sickness, but still...)

 

Clearly, the hot dog vendor is catering the reception.  At the very least, cheapskate Neil should be buying one for the jogger and the judge.

[pearlite]

Yes, she puked there AFTER EATING ONE OF THOSE HOT DOGS!  (yeah, I know, it was morning sickness, but still...)

 

Clearly, the hot dog vendor is catering the reception.  At the very least, cheapskate Neil should be buying one for the jogger and the judge.

Another reason Hilary should leave him...at least Devona could afford a decent caterer.

[Snaporaz]

 

At the very least, cheapskate Neil should be buying one for the jogger and the judge.

I know it's weird to quote yourself, but I wrote the above before I'd actually watched today's show and learned that, yes, Neil DID buy the judge a hot dog!  Once again, something I say as a joke happens for real on the show.  I don't know how to feel about that.

[peach]

Wed, June 25, 2014

 

Billy whines to Chelsea that no matter how hard he tries to get Victoria back by doing everything she told him not to, it never works out.  Chelsea scoffs at Victoria being a big ole overreactor.  She thinks Billy is an overreactor, too, which is hard to deny.  Billy doesn’t know what to do, but one thing he should NOT do is stop by the house where Victoria and Stitch are making mad, passionate love on the living room floor.  I hope Johnny is at the park for a long, long time.  Vicky pauses to stare at her wedding ring for a sec before going back to the mad, passionate thing.

 

Kelly doesn’t get why Jack wants to get into all this icky stuff about the past.  They had agreed that what goes on between Billy and Victoria and Ben is their own business.  Jack says, yeah, but it’s all changed now because of what Billy learned from Jenna about her.  Which was pretty much nothing, but why quibble?

 

Colin spills Lily’s drugged tea so she can’t drink it.  Well, that’s no fun.  He goes in the hallway so he can look at his sleepy bye pills and says he’s GOT to get it right next time.

 

Summer rushes into the police station to see Austin again.  He still gets to wear his snappy plaid shirts instead of an orange jumpsuit, but she’s still worried because he looks really tired.  The cop says you should see how tired the chief looks since your friend put a bullet in him.  True, Paul does look pretty tired, but that was an accident, whines Summer.  Tell it to the jury, says the cop.  Spoiled Summer begs for more time with Austin and says she is not leaving.  “I will always be here for you.”

 

Neil monologues some boring stuff about how no one is there to object besides their total stranger witnesses.  But he sees Hilary staring, and he turns to see Devon.  “I couldn’t stay away,” says Devon.

 

Leslie shows up at the police station and tells them Avery turned Austin’s case over to her.  Summer says she can’t do that!  She can’t just hand her cases over because she’s with her boyfriend who might die in surgery today BECAUSE OF AUSTIN.  She goes off about how Avery OWES Austin for his mother dying, which I think she might have covered in other ways like being kidnapped or the aforementioned surgery?  Not sure.  Leslie slaps Summer in the face.  Just kidding!  She explains that this sort of thing isn’t ALLOWED by the court.  Summer pouts over the unfairness of laws and stuff, and gets left outside the interrogation room where Leslie goes with Austin.

 

Chelsea thinks Billy should call Victoria’s bluff and agree to the divorce to stop pushing her away.  Billy doesn’t think she’s bluffing.  They argue the merits of “absence makes the heart grow fonder” versus “out of sight, out of mind.”  She gives him reasonably good advice that when you get hurt that’s all you can see, and some space lets that heal enough to remember the good memories and see a future again. He says, like you and Adam?

 

Adam’s Hand is holding more surveillance photos of Chelsea and Connor.  His henchman says they’re back from Australia, but he still doesn’t know what business they had there.  Wow, you think instead of a nanny cam in the nursery, he might have bugged the part of the house where Chelsea actually talks to people.

 

Kelly is a bit cagey trying to figure out why her name came up with Jenna.  Jacks says that Billy got the impression Jenna blamed Kelly for her divorce.  Kelly’s like, did she SAY that?  Jack doesn’t really know, but he reiterates that he doesn’t care what happened with her and Stitch in the past, as long as it’s IN the past.

 

Stitch checks in with the hospital in his black jeans and no shirt.  Paul and Dylan are hanging in there, he tells Victoria.  He doesn’t know how Dylan managed to convince them to change their minds, but he probably threatened to do the surgery himself.  Vicky’s worried about Dylan.  She talks about his great friendship with Stitch, and how Stitch didn’t open up much to him about the past.  Stitch tries to laugh it off and says what you see is what you get.  Victoria still wants him to tell her something she doesn’t already know about him.

 

Devon says he had to come to the wedding, because…Neil’s his father, and he heard he needs a best man.  “Well, all right,” says Neil.  He says Devon is a GOOD SON, not like that trifling sister of his, and it means a lot to Neil, and probably to Hilary, too.  Hilary’s like, um, yes, of course.  The judge says Devon can be another witness, and Devon and Hilary look at each other balefully, but Hilary has to get it together and look at Neil and listen to her vows.  Devon is about to cry.  Will Hilary be faithful only to Neil, as long as they both shall live?  She flashes back to kissing Devon and hesitates.  “Hilary?” asks Neil.

 

Stitch tells Victoria there’s nothing much to say, he’s not that interesting.  He keeps being evasive, and she keeps wanting to know more.  “I really love you,” he says.  Isn’t that enough?  Well, no, it isn’t.  So he cops to stealing a jelly doughnut once, and says he thinks they are going to have a long time to get to know each other.  They hug, and they both look uncomfortable.

 

Jack apologizes to Kelly and says she doesn’t deserve the third degree.  Kelly turns to him, and is about to spill her guts, but Summer comes barging in.  Kelly says, hey, let’s do lunch some other time and escapes.  Summer asks Jack if he remembers asking how he could spoil her in some sort of effort to build a relationship with her?  Sure he does!  How can he help?  Well, Austin really needs to get out of jail and she doesn’t have that kind of money, so could Jack put up the cash for his bail.  It seems highly unlikely that a flight risk who mortally wounded the police chief is getting bail, but this IS Genoa City.  It doesn’t matter because Jack says ABSOLUTELY NOT.  Summer just stares at him, like, you’re just like my other dad!!

 

Stupid Billy is offended that Chelsea would compare her relationship with Adam to his epic, superior romance with Vicky!  He is NOTHING like that guy he kidnapped and killed.  He is way dumber, for one thing. Chelsea is getting pissed and tries again to make her POINT that she was preggo with Adam’s baby, and their relationship was totally over, and yet they still ended up together.  Of course, he’s talking about BILLY, and that makes everything DIFFERENT, so instead of listening, he just runs his mouth off some more about his super special unique problem, and thinks after spending so much time together, Chelsea would know him better than that.  She just looks at him like, wtf?

 

Jill’s cleaning tea off the carpet, cursing Esther for not being home.  Colin sneaks Lily’s phone out of her purse, and then Cane tells him how much he enjoys seeing him and how they trust him again.  Cane and Lily leave to get ready for Paris, and now Colin gets Jill to drink some drugged champagne.

 

Leslie tells Austin she thinks he’ll make bail.  Of course.  It’s his first offense and he’s NOT a flight risk because he turned himself in.  He’s surprised.  IKR, Austin?  Leslie has this shit under control, though, and even his confession is going to be long forgotten when she’s through.  She asks him if he still thinks defense attorneys are evil.  He grimaces.

 

Summer wants to know why Jack won’t at least listen to her.  Daaad. It’s not faaaair.  He says Austin doesn’t deserve their help!  He kidnapped her aunt and shot Paul!  Summer says it was an aaaccident, but Jack says it wasn’t an accident that he bought a gun.  Jack doesn’t get why she’s defending him, unless she thinks she’s…in love with him??  He tries to tell Summer that she doesn’t know anything and this feeling is not love. Summer gets super pissed and says Jack doesn’t get to lecture her on LOVE, after he claimed to love her mother and then just gave up on her.  She storms out.  Jack grimaces.

 

Kelly literally runs into Lily at the club, who spills a bunch of files.  Those files are for Kelly anyway, because they’re leaving for Paris!  Kelly thinks that’s awesome.  Lily talks to Cane about him being a good sport with his dad, and how she can’t be a good sport about that awful woman marrying her father.  Cane thinks she’ll work it out.  Lily realizes her phone is gone.

 

Jill’s getting sleepy.  Colin pretends he just found Lily’s phone and is going to return it to her.  Jill passes out, and Colin calls shifty Malone and tells him NOT to hurt his wife, but he can sneak in and steal the necklace now.

 

Well, Hilary, do you or don’t you?  She does.  She forsakes all others.  Devon shakes his head.  Look, dude, you are the one who didn’t object.  They have a whole spot in there for that.  Neil and Hilary exchange rings and kiss, and Devon tries not to scream cuss words.  He emotionally tells them to be happy, and walks away.  The judge gets a couple of hot dogs, Neil’s treat.  He really knows how to do it up right.

 

Colin shows up at the club with Lily’s phone.  Aw, Cane says, they just missed each other!  Lily’s on the way to Jill’s house right now.  Colin’s like, oh, NO!  He races out.  The robber is already in the house, slipping Jill’s necklace off.  He’s sneaking out when Lily comes in the door.  Lily is a quick thinking badass, and smashes a vase on the robber’s head.  He drops the necklace, and runs out the door.  You really cannot get a decent henchman in this town!  The noise wakes up Jill, who wonders if this is all a dream.

 

Adam’s henchman says he knows Adam is anxious to get back, but not everything’s in place yet.  They haven’t even recast you.  Adam’s Hand squeezes one of those pressure balls while dramatic music plays in the background.   Adam’s Hand is a tough guy!

 

Chelsea can’t believe Billy has the nerve to say she doesn’t know him.  HE doesn’t know HER.  She is really pissed that he’s forgotten how hard she’s tried to help him get Victoria back, supported him, not judged him when the recapper thinks he’s such an idiot!  HE HASN’T FORGOTTEN, he shouts.  THEN WHY ARE WE ARGUING? Chelsea shouts.  “I DON’T KNOW,” shouts Billy, and they both start laughing. 

 

The tension is broken, and Billy says he knows she means well, but there is no way he’s agreeing to a divorce, even though I’m pretty sure Wisconsin is a no-fault state.  If he won’t listen to her wise advice, then she’ll just have to help him keep looking for dirt on Stitch.  And once they find it, they’ll go back to the way they were before this “alliance.”  He smiles and says she’s going to miss him.  Ugh.

 

Stitch has to get to the hospital, which helps him avoid any more questions.  Victoria says she wants him to know she’s made the right choice.  He kisses her and leaves.  She calls someone and says she’s probably the last person they want to hear from, but there’s something she needs them to know.

 

Billy tells Chelsea about telling Jack what happened with Jenna mentioning Kelly.  They realize that Jack probably won’t follow through on questioning the woman he sleeps with.  Chelsea thinks they should try to find Kelly’s ex, Dean Andrews.  BILLY says it just seems like too much of an invasion of privacy.  Chelsea’s like, you had no problem with invading Jenna’s privacy.  That was different, he says.  HOW?  Oh, she’s a woman, and this show is sexist, I forgot.  Chelsea’s like, do you want your wife back or not?

 

Victoria’s call was to Avery, so Leslie arrives to take care of her divorce papers for her.  Ohhh.  Vicky thought since Avery was with Dylan right now, she’d just get to it later.  Nope, Leslie can get the ball rolling, unless Victoria’s had second thoughts in the time it took Leslie to drive over.

 

I guess Austin can have visitors whenever it suits him, and Summer is back to talk about how nice Leslie is.  She asks if Leslie thinks the charges will be DROPPED.  Is Summer 12 years old?  Austin’s like, um, no, but he might make bail, and he hopes so because, he whispers, people around there want to put him in the hospital for shooting a cop.  She’s gonna get him that bail!  And then he can live with her during the trial, and then when he’s exonerated they can start a life together because the jury won’t find him guilty!  He frowns, like, I’m going to jail plus now I’m stuck with a stage 5 clinger?  How did it go so wrong?  She kisses him which makes the cop drag Austin away while she cries out that she’s going to come through for him!  For US!!

 

Stitch meets Kelly at the club.  He says he changed his mind about breaking things off with Victoria because he’s in love with her.  She asks if Vicky’s in love with him?  Well, she’s divorcing Billy, if that means anything,  Kelly says maybe that’s just wishful thinking.  Uh, that wasn’t wishful thinking rolling around on the floor with him.  He’s lost so many people he loves in the war and after, he can’t lose more, and he sorta starts crying, and Kelly embraces him and comforts him.  Jack walks by and SEES.  He looks horrified.

Neil and Hilary have consummated their marriage.  She says it was the best hot dog she’s ever eaten.  I’m, uh, speechless.  More consummating, and I swear they are the loudest kissers ever.

 

Devon is getting to the end of a bottle of scotch, and it ain’t pretty.  Cane asks why he put himself through the wedding.  He wanted to see if Hilary would really go through with it, which she did.  He almost put a stop to it himself, but he couldn’t when he saw happy his dad was.  And now they’re married.  “So that’s that,” says Cane.  “Yeah.  Thass that.”

 

Colin rushes in the door at home.  Jill and Lily tell Colin about the maniac that broke in the house and tried to steal the necklace.  The cops have already been there for a statement.  Colin gives Lily her phone and she leaves.  Jill thinks it’s pretty damn suspicious that a robber went straight for the necklace, and Colin tries to explain it away.  He’s just glad Jill is all right, and hugs her. She has tears of betrayal in her eyes.

 

Victoria tells Leslie that Billy crossed the line again, and he’s never going to change.  File the papers.

 

Billy’s improving his con artist skills, and calls up Dean Andrews pretending he’s looking for one of Kelly’s references, Ben Rayburn.  Dean’s never heard of him.  So it looks like he didn’t break up Kelly’s marriage.  Um, SAM DYING broke up her marriage, idiot.  He acts like he doesn’t know Kelly.  Chelsea says she must have met Stitch after the divorce.  Or maybe, says Billy, she knew Stitch before she was ever married.

 

Jack is watching Stitch and Kelly hug.  Stitch says he didn’t expect that from her.  She says as much as she hates what he’s done, he’s wrong that he’s lost everyone.  He still has her.  She still loves him.  Jack is like OH EM GEE and rushes away.  Oh, well, at least he still has Phyllis.

[LeftPhalange]

 

She says as much as she hates what he’s done, he’s wrong that he’s lost everyone.  He still has her.  She still loves him.

 

*vomits everywhere*

[peacheslatour]

 

Dean’s never heard of him.

Wasn't one of the  things Kelly said to him when they first ran into each other something like "Oh so it's "Ben Rayburn" now?  Like she knew him by another name before?  Isn't that why Billy  could never find out anything about him on-line?

 

Great recap peach, you absolutely crack me up!

[peach]

*vomits everywhere*

Yeah, but you totally know she's going to be his sister now.

Wasn't one of the  things Kelly said to him when they first ran into each other something like "Oh so it's "Ben Rayburn" now?  Like she knew him by another name before?  Isn't that why Billy  could never find out anything about him on-line?

 

 

Yes, and she also said that Ben Rayburn "doesn't exist."  But super con Chelsea hasn't thought of the possibility that he changed his name.

[Snaporaz]

Any HR people out there?  Do y'all really call an applicant's ex when you can't get a hold of one of their references?  If that was Chelsea's idea, she's the worst con artist ever!

 

 

Adam’s henchman says he knows Adam is anxious to get back, but not everything’s in place yet.  They haven’t even recast you.

I couldn't stop laughing at that one!

[Joimiaroxeu]

She asks if Leslie thinks the charges will be DROPPED.

Yeah, dropped like Summer was apparently when she was a baby. On her head.

 

She says it was the best hot dog she’s ever eaten.

And just as full of nitrites.

[peach]

Thur, June 27,  2014

 

Nick has moved back into the cottage.  They celebrate Shick4Evah!  Faith has turned into some other kid.  Blah blah, Mariah hasn’t returned any of Sharon’s calls, so maybe she really isn’t coming back to work for Nick.

 

Ian visits Mariah at her hotel.  She tells him that Nick actually wants her to come back to work, and was actually pretty cool about it.  She says the real shock is Victor.

 

Victor and Nikki talk about Paul and Dylan not being awake from surgery yet.  He doesn’t want her being stressed out.  She hasn’t told her other kids about Paul being Dylan’s father, “out of respect for Christine.”  Which…why?  But she says they do still have to “talk about what it means.  That I have a son with Paul.”  Um, it means you have a son with Paul.  Who cares?

 

Christine has dinner with Michael and Lauren.  She’s waiting for a text from the nurse.  They’re glad she’s taking a break.  Michael starts going on about how incredible it is that Dylan volunteered to be the living donor and then it comes out that… Chris puts a stop to that conversation right away.  She just wants to focus on Paul, not that jerk who risked his life to save him, okay?  Michael and Lauren look slightly disgusted.

 

Father Todd tells childhood stories at Paul’s bedside, and how Paul always took the heat for them as kids.  Paul always takes the heat.  Don’t put him through Last Rites again, little brother!  Etc. 

 

Avery sits at Dylan’s bedside and reminds him of his promise to come back to her.  She’s a good bedside crier, Avery.

 

Nick and Sharon talk about Mariah some more.  Nick’s gonna go check it out.  I guess it will just be easier for Mariah to live with them, eh?  Noah stops by to celebrate Shick4Evah. 

 

Victor doesn’t care so much about Paul being Dylan’s father, since, newsflash, everyone likes Paul.  He’s really impressed that Dylan was willing to be a living donor.  But Nikki insists that they’re going to have to deal with the fact that Dylan is Paul’s and Nikki’s son.  Really?   Dylan’s like 40 years old.  Is this really going to affect Christmas?  Victor says they can talk about it [never] later.  Avery calls Nikki with the news that Paul and Dylan made it out of surgery.  Nikki’s headed for the hospital, but later she’ll come home so they can discuss everything.

 

Christine apologizes to Michael for cutting him off.  They tell her not to worry about it, she just needs to take care of herself.  Todd calls.  Chris needs to get back to the hospital right away.

 

Tyler finds Abby in the park.  He pretended to be a vendor to get her to talk to him. He will not give up on her.

 

Dr. Boring Shelby tells Todd, Christine, etc that Paul’s out of surgery and he’s cautiously optimistic.  Just keep his visitors to a minimum, like 7 or 8 at a time.  Chris is thrilled and rushes in to see him. 

 

Nikki sits with Avery, who is really worried, but surviving the surgery at all is a great sign.  They talk about how much Ian lied to them.  Nikki says Dylan gave Paul the same gift Paul gave him.  His life.

 

Christine and Father Todd pray over Paul’s bed, and his eyes start to open.

 

Mariah tells Ian about Victor’s weird conversation with her about being an ally to him.  She talks about Sharon liking her, and somehow it’s not just because she looks like Cassie.  Ian says some wonderful stuff about how worthy she is of love and that she’s a radiant point of light.  He’s good at this.  Her eyes get a little misty. He tells her she’s on the verge of a major life change, and to believe in herself, and good things will follow.  I want to join The Path now.

 

Nick sees Ian leaving Mariah’s room and gets his serious scowl on.  He bangs on Mariah’s door and demands to know what Ian Ward was doing there.  What is she mixed up in?  She says it’s none of his business who she sees in her personal life.  He’s like “who you SEE?  Is he using you?”  She’s like, ugh, that’s sick.  She’s known Ian almost her entire life.  She explains that her mom was part of The Path on and off, but she was never good at sticking to things, including Mariah.   And her father?  What father?  Ian’s the closest thing she’s got to a family because he gave her a home and took care of her.

 

This genuinely shocks Nick.  He says there are things she doesn’t know about Ian, like he uses The Path to take advantage of young girls, lots of them, including Nikki when she was younger than Mariah, and now Summer (which didn’t exactly happen).  He asks if Mariah knows Ian went to prison for fraud??  Yes, but she doesn’t need any warnings from Nick.  And why is he even there?  He says he just wanted to know if she’s going to make her next shift.  He leaves and stands in the hallway, extremely conflicted.

 

Noah talks about how great Shick is, and despite Grandpa trying to ruin it all, they are stronger than ever.  He knows he’s in trouble for the “great wallet caper.”  He laughs about it, but says he’s sorry.  Noah and Sharon are always cute together.  Faith overhears and asks what’s wrong, and Noah admits he told a lie, which was wrong, so he’s making it right.  Faith asks, like the lie mommy told?  Noah says, oh, that was just a misunderstanding.

 

Sharon’s like, ummm, what?  Noah tells her about when Noah gave her a photo of Nick in a tux, that she said was for Faith, but she kept it because she was being weird and obsessive at the time.  No meds, and all, no biggie.  Noah’s off to the store to get food for the Shick Party, and Sharon stares off in the distance trying to remember anything about this.

 

Dylan starts waking and up, and they do this annoying camera thing where it’s right in Avery and Nikki’s face, like it’s Dylan’s view.  He just wants to know about Paul.

 

Paul also starts waking up.  I don’t know if they really drugged him, or what, lol, because he looks and sounds EXACTLY like a person who’s been anesthetized and on a ventilator. Impressive.  He’s groggy and doesn’t know what happened to him, and Christine tells him he was shot and had a liver transplant.  He starts mumbling about the child, where’s the child?  Chris gets really upset and now surpasses Abby as Most Insecure Citizen of GC.

 

Father Todd tells Michael and Lauren that Paul is conscious, and they’re overjoyed.  It’s a miracle!  Michael says wait til he finds out he has a full-grown son, a war hero that saved his life!  It’s bizarre, he says!  Ha.  Lauren thinks it’s a bizarre miracle, too, but she worries about Christine being a dumbass about it.

 

Chris is like, the child?  You mean OUR child, right?  The baby we don’t have yet?  He mumbles something about a baby.  She says they’ll get back to their project of having a baby TOGETHER as soon as he gets well.  He mumbles something that sounds like “Dylan.”

 

Nikki says Paul’s come through surgery, but Dylan needs to focus on himself.  He wants to know if the transplant works, and Nikki says she’ll go check on him.  Dylan tells Avery he promised he would come back, and he did.  He’s worried that Nikki won’t tell them if Paul’s not okay.  I guess they took a chunk of Dylan’s brain out, too, because he tries to sit up and says he’s got to go see Paul himself.  Who am I kidding, Dylan was like that before.

 

Tyler tries to convince Abby they are completely amazing together, and she’s the first person he could be completely open with.  Ha!  Abby’s says like how open you were about Mariah?  Hey, that was the past that he regrets.  She rags on him for how embarrassing it is that she has to announce to everyone that they broke up.  He knows she doesn’t really want to.  He’s completely committed to a life with her, and if she’s  honest with herself….Mariah walks by and interrupts their “honesty session.”  She asks Tyler if Abby told him about what she and Noah did to her while they’re being so open and honest.  She walks away, and Abby is very annoyed at being busted like that.

 

Nick’s gone to see the father that’s NOTHISFATHER!  He wants to know if Mariah was connected to Ian Ward when Victor hired her.  Of course he didn’t know.  His henchmen are sub-rate at best.  Nick thinks it can’t be a coincidence that Ian showed up to harass Nikki at the same time Mariah showed up to harass Sharon.  Hey, Victor didn’t know until yesterday.  The best thing to do is to find out all the information they can about them.  He says they can work on that together this summer, like building a tree fort.  “What do you say?”

 

Tyler is PISSED that Abby stripped Noah’s wallet and told the cops that Mariah did it.  Abby says she had it coming.  It’s not like she hasn’t stolen before.  Tyler can’t believe she would let an innocent person go to jail.  Abby’s like, INNOCENT??  She reminds Tyler of the stuff Mariah did, including trying to undermine their relationship.  Tyler’s like, she TRIED, but she couldn’t, except, aren’t they broken up over her?  He says he loves Abby because she’s so different from Mariah…except maybe he was wrong.  It turns out Abby can manipulate with the best of them.  Abby’s like, are you KIDDING ME?  Because she wouldn’t roll over and let Mariah prey on her family that makes her a lying, scheming bitch??  Tyler looks at her with contempt and says she was right, maybe they don’t have a chance together.  He walks away.  Abby is stunned.  You can’t break up with THE Abby Newman.  She breaks up with YOU.  Which she already did, so shut up, Tyler.

 

Noah’s back from the store with groceries for the Shick Party.  This time he genuinely apologizes for messing around with Mariah.  She forgives him.  They talk about how cool it is to have a family meal together again, and someone knocks on the door.  It’s Cassie, I mean, Mariah.  They all stare at each other while sentimental music plays in the background.

 

Avery tries to convince Dylan that it’s RIDICULOUS to want to see Paul or do anything else because he had serious surgery and could still die.  She threatens to get a whole team to hold him down.  He relents.  She’s going to tell the doctors he’s awake, and he better still be in that bed when she gets back.  Kind of interesting that he doesn’t have an IV, you know?

 

Father Todd encourages Christine that all will be well and leaves.  Dr. Boring Shelby says the surgery was a complete success, but now the organ rejection observation begins, which will last his whole life.  He gives a speech that sounds like a prescription drug commercial.  Who wouldn’t rush to the altar with this guy?  Doc says even with all that, they’re super lucky that Mr. McAvoy insisted on being a donor or Paul wouldn’t be alive now.  ABOVE ALL,  he has to be kept calm with NO STRESS.  Keep the visitors to a dull roar.  Good luck with that.

 

Nikki arrives, and Chris looks anxious.  Michael tells her the positive news.  Dylan’s holding his own, too.  Nikki’s just going to let herself in to see Paul and let him know Dylan’s awake.  “NOT until we get something straight, Nikki,” orders Christine.

 

Nick tells Victor he believed Mariah when she said Ian was the closest thing she had to a father.  “It was pretty sad.”  Sad that Ian’s like her father, or sad that he believed her?  I can’t tell.  Victor thinks that story could be a ruse to pull Nick in.  Whatever the case, they need to get to the bottom of it.  Nick agrees that he WILL work with Victor on this, because they both have the same goals…to protect the people they love.  Never mind that Victor CAUSED THE WHOLE THING, to protect the people he loves.  Nick gives his serious face, because it’s not like he’s forgiving Victor or anything.

 

Sharon introduces Faith to Mariah.  Faith isn’t interested.  Mariah says she shouldn’t have come, but Noah takes the chance to apologize for the wallet thing.  Mariah’s just there to pay Sharon some money, even though it’s only $30, but it’s a start.  Faith says they’re having a family dinner, and Mariah feels awkward and tries to leave, but Sharon, of course, says to stay.  “We’d love to have you.”  Noah looks on like he’d rather have E. coli poisoning for dinner.

 

Nikki says she knows Paul is fragile but she won’t tire him out.  Nikki only brings light and healing wherever she goes.  Chris says, and tell him about Dylan?  Well, duh, he should know his newfound son is out of surgery, etc.  “ABSO-LUTELY NOT,” says Christine.  Nikki’s like, why not?  Michael and Lauren are following this like a tennis match, and Michael’s like, eh, what’s the harm?  Lauren thinks it’s fine too.  Christine goes on a rant about stress and how she can’t detonate this BOMB about Dylan. “Finding out that Dylan is his son is exactly the kind of emotional upheaval [Christine] he doesn’t need right now!!!”  But Nikki just thinks --  Christine doesn’t give a DAMN what Nikki thinks!!  “Paul is MY husband.  NOBODY is going to tell him about Dylan!” 

 

Avery comes back to Dylan’s room to find his empty bed.  “Dylan!” she whispers.  Cut to Paul’s bed, where he groggily looks over and sees Dylan, in a wheelchair, nodding off at his bedside.  Ahahahaha!  This hospital.  Dylan who just got out of SURGERY managed to get out of bed, find a wheelchair, and wheel himself past all the staff and half of Genoa City arguing in the hallway to get inside Paul’s room which is five feet away from Christine.  Maybe he was crawling and no one saw him.  They are seriously understaffed.

Edited June 27, 2014 by peach

[peacheslatour]

 

half of Genoa City arguing in the hallway to get inside Paul’s room which is five feet away from Christine.  Maybe he was crawling and no one saw him.  They are seriously understaffed.

Oh Jeez, I thought that too!  I mean seriously???  Maybe Dullen elbow crawled his way through the duct work like John McClane in Die Hard, rappelled across the room using IV tubing, then dropped down into a waiting wheelchair.  TA DA!

[peach]

Oh Jeez, I thought that too!  I mean seriously???  Maybe Dullen elbow crawled his way through the duct work like John McClane in Die Hard, rappelled across the room using IV tubing, then dropped down into a waiting wheelchair.  TA DA!

ROTFL!

[Joimiaroxeu]

But Nikki insists that they’re going to have to deal with the fact that Dylan is Paul’s and Nikki’s son.  Really?   Dylan’s like 40 years old.

IKR? It's only a big deal because she's trying to make it one. If it's Tuesday, Dylan must be making his emo face and Nikki must be close to hyperventilating about something trivial.

 

He says he just wanted to know if she’s going to make her next shift.

Yo, Nick, there's this amazing new invention called a telephone. Look into it.

 

Maybe he was crawling and no one saw him.

LOL. I figured he teleported.

[peach]

Fri, June 27, 2014

 

Nikki is upset.  She tells Christine they can’t keep it from Paul forever that Dylan’s his son. Christine’s like, duh, this just isn’t the time.  Nikki says, so you want me to wait.  NO, she doesn’t WANT Nikki to wait, she’s TELLING HER to wait, with lots of finger pointing. 

 

Dylan’s trying to talk to Paul at his bedside.  Because he hasn’t reached the highest level of primate yet, Dylan can’t apply what he’s learned in one situation to a new situation.  So even though Paul’s in a hospital bed because Dylan wouldn’t listen to experts and ran off half-cocked, Dylan’s now going to make everything worse by not listening to experts and wheelchairing off half-cocked.  Paul stares at Dylan in a daze while Dylan talks about how he can’t believe Paul’s his dad, blah blah. 

 

Jack pouts in his office while looking at a photo of himself and Summer.  Guess he’s really her dad.  Traci busts him for not answering her calls.  He tells Traci about how Summer thinks she’s in love with Austin, but she won’t listen to Jack because he betrayed her mother.

 

Summer’s in the park, whining on the phone about trying to get her hands on her money.  Kelly runs into her.  Summer cries about how Austin is suffering cruel and unusual punishment because he’s been wearing the same icky clothes for two days. Oh, the humanity.  Kelly tries not to laugh in her face over this dramatization, and says she wishes she could help.  Oh, yeah? Then she can get her boyfriend to help Austin!

 

Sharon insists they all want Mariah to stay for dinner, even though they just said they didn’t.  Mariah decides to leave.  Nick comes in and agrees with her doing just that.

 

Jack tells Traci that Summer thinks he’s betraying Phyllis by dating Kelly, and sometimes he thinks she’s right.  Traci says Phyllis wouldn’t want Jack to stop living his life.  Jack says, are you kidding, that’s exactly what she’d want me to do!  Traci laughs because of course.  Billy doesn’t like him dating Kelly either, but Kelly is super wonderful and makes Jack feel good.

 

He’s just worried Kelly doesn’t feel the same way…because of someone else in her life.  Traci’s like, not Billy??  No, thank God, just Ben Rayburn.  Wait, says Traci, the same Ben Rayburn that Victoria is messing with, and that Ashley makes a complete ass of herself over?  Yep, Ben and Kelly were close once, and Billy thinks there’s still something going on.  Traci’s like, but Billy’s an idiot about such things.  Yeah, but Jack saw Kelly hugging him and saying she loves him.

 

Summer whines about how Jack won’t listen and won’t help poor Austin who’s suffering deep in the gulag of GC, in Wednesday’s plaid shirt, where no one cares about him.  Kelly tells her Jack just wants what’s best for her.  Again with the kidnapping and shooting and running away.  Summer KNOWS that, and she WANTED to go with Austin.  It was so uncool for Jack to call the police, why can’t everyone get that she is an ADULT aiding and abetting a felon, and not some kid?  BECAUSE YOU’RE STUPID.   Summer doesn’t need any of these stupid Abbotts’ and Abbott girlfriend’s help, because she has another family she can count on.  So there.

 

Mariah keeps trying to decline dinner with the Shicks, and Sharon keeps saying WE want you to stay, even though everyone else is completely annoyed with Mariah being there.  Sharon just pretends it’s fine and makes Faith add a place for her.  Mariah gets Nick aside and says he must not have told Sharon about her knowing Ian Ward, because she’s going to hate her when she finds out.  Nick says this is a big night for Shick, and he doesn’t want to ruin it for Sharon.  There is glaring.  Sharon wants Mariah to sit next to her.

 

Michael and Lauren decide to leave the hospital.  Nikki tells Chris she didn’t know that Paul was Dylan’s father until yesterday.  Yeah, yeah, but she sure must be happy about it now.  Well, yes, Nikki’s relieved that she and Dylan have no connection to Ian Ward.  And, Chris says, now you have a connection with Paul. 

 

Nikki says she knows it’s not going to be easy for them.  EASY?  No, it won’t be easy for Paul to be bouncing a big galoot like Dylan on his knee instead of a new baby produced by Christine.  She rails on Nikki about how stupid she is for going on this wild kid chase with Paul, never saying a word that it could have been Paul’s child.  Which makes Paul stupid, too, because do the math.  Nikki is like, hey, I had no intention of hurting either one of you.  Well, it’s still going to change.Paul’s.life.  And I guess steal all the love from Christine’s baby that doesn’t exist yet.

 

Paul’s confused about why he’s even in the hospital.  Dylan keeps blathering on about all the traumatic shit that went down, while Paul tries to grasp who even  got shot.  Dylan, it’s best not to have serious conversations with people on morpheine.   Paul is wondering why Dylan is even there, and Dylan realizes Paul never heard all his sentimental daddy talk.  Bummer.  Now he’s going to have to start all over.

 

Mariah enjoys the family banter at the dinner table.  Faith tells her she thinks it would be weird to grow up without a family.  Summer drops by with her whiny angst.  She tells Nick she has no one else to turn to and falls in his arms.

 

Jack asks Traci, what if he’s wrong, and there’s really nothing going on?  Traci says he has to ask Kelly.  Kelly stops by just then and is super excited to meet Traci.  Traci leaves, and Kelly happily says she just needs to meet Ashley now.  Jack frowny pouts.  Kelly asks if he’s okay, and no, he is not.  Kelly thinks she knows why.

 

Nikki grovels to Christine about how hard everything has been for her, and how sorry she is about it all.  Chris says maybe it’s best for her to leave.  Nikki says she’ll just go check on Dylan.  Chris kind of feels like an asshole as Nikki starts to leave, and says she knows Nikki isn’t the villain here, she’s just bummed out because she and Paul were so excited to start a family at 50.  Nikki comforts her, saying Paul has so much love in his heart for new babies no matter what else is going on.  Avery interrupts because Dylan’s missing!  He’s not in his room!!

 

Dylan tells Paul maybe they shouldn’t talk about all this f’ing drama right now.  Ya think?  Avery, Nikki, and Christine burst in, and Avery scolds Dylan for escaping his room in his condition.  Paul is getting really agitated, thinking he did something to hurt Dylan.  Chris is like WTF did you do, Dylan??  Besides saving his life, that is.  Well, duh, he was just telling him all the terrible things that have happened, he wasn’t trying to UPSET him.  Christine says she didn’t want him to know!  Paul is half-crying and he shouts, I KNOW!  I KNOW!  Everyone’s mouths hang open.

 

Paul cries and keeps saying he should have known, and he’s so sorry…Ricky.    Dylan’s like who the hell is Ricky?  Chris is like, he’s confused from the anesthesia so everyone needs to get the hell out.  They all leave, and Dylan can’t understand how his interfering could go so wrong.  Again.  Chris tries to calm Paul.

 

Lauren drinks wine and says she feels like she’s been on the wildest, craziest rollercoaster ride of her life.  Really?  After your son and husband went to prison for killing a guy that wasn’t dead, just for you?  Okay.  Michael fills us in that today is the exact date that Paul shot Ricky, his own insane son.  Lauren says he’s never been able to forgive himself.  Lauren says she knows one child can’t replace another, but maybe this time it totally could.

 

Sharon explains again to Mariah about the deal with Summer, Jack, and Nick.  Mariah’s like, wow, two dads.  When her mom bailed, she didn’t have any dad.  Those Newmans really have everything.  Mariah says she did have a father figure to confide in who isn’t the town’s nemesis or anything.  They go in the kitchen so Summer can whine privately.

 

Nick says he’s all ears.  Summer says she needs him on her side, which means being on Austin’s side.  Nick’s like, omg, but he’ll try.  She wants him to convince Jack to give her access to her money, so she can bail Austin out of jail.  Uh, no.  So, whines Summer, he’s just going to agree with her other father?  It’s so unfair.  Nick says she knows how he feels about this criminal kid who --  yeah, she knows.  He kidnapped Avery and shot a cop, yada yada yada.  Nick is shocked at what a selfish numbskull Summer is. 

 

Summer really works on playing one dad against the other, saying Nick is supposed to be different from Jack.  Jack walks out on people he loves when it looks hard, but NICK doesn’t.  He stood by Sharon through everything because he loved her.  EXCEPT FOR WHEN HE WAS SCREWING YOUR MOTHER!!! Summer loves Austin.

 

An actual live nurse is in Paul’s room for a second.  Chris says the nurse wants him to be calm.  Paul starts freaking out about his son, his son, and how everything is his fault.  Christine tries to calm him down.

 

Nikki and Avery settle Dylan back into his bed.  He says going to see Paul made things worse.  Instead of agreeing and strapping on the restraints, Nikki says it was perfectly understandable what he did.  If you’re an idiot, I suppose.  They pretend Paul is going to be fine.  Nikki leaves to call Victor.  Avery is really upset that Dylan takes unnecessary risks like crawling around the hospital.  She yells at him for not listening to anyone.

 

Summer insists that Austin is the only man she will ever be in love with!  Nick is like, how do you know that?  She says, how did you know with Sharon?  Wait, what?  Nick’s been in love with more people than Sharon, Summer, liiiike, your MOM, and your AUNT.  But Summer is older than Nick was when Shick happened.  Nick’s like,  that’s totally different, because they were both kids, and Austin is much older, and he planned a serious crime.  Well, dammit, she thought Nick was different, but he’s just like everyone else who thinks bailing out a nut case is a bad idea even if he has dimples and has to wear the same shirt for two days.  She storms out and slams the door. 

 

Sharon is sorry for Nick.  Faith asks Mariah to teach her how to blow bubbles.  She gets gum out of her purse, and Nick warns her NOT to get too close to his family.  She has bubble gum in her purse, Nick, how evil can she be?

 

Kelly tells Jack she saw Summer in the park , and she was upset about Jack cutting off her money.  She feels bad for Jack that Austin is coming between him and Summer when he’s worked so hard to build a relationship with her.  Yeah, Jack says accusingly,  sometimes you put in the effort, and you’re still disappointed.  Kelly offers to talk to Summer, and Jack coldly tells her he can handle his daughter, thank you very much, and also he’s very busy.  She’s confused, and asks him what she did wrong.

 

Mariah, Noah, and Faith practice blowing bubbles.  Faith asks if Mariah knows any more tricks, and Noah says, I’m sure she does.  Ha.  They clean up the table, and Sharon tells Nick Summer is lucky to have two dads not to give her any bail money.  She says Mariah didn’t have a father, but did have a father figure in her life…did she say anything about that to Nick?  Nick’s like, ummm, no.

 

Lauren eats pie and discusses all the shocking developments of the day.  She doesn’t blame Christine for not wanting to tell Paul anything, especially since, um, Nikki and Paul have always been…close..and this will make them closer.

 

Dylan and Avery argue some more, and then Dylan switches to his other mode, and tries getting sexy with Avery, but she says that could kill him too.  She wants him to go to sleep.

 

Paul is screaming and having a flashback to shooting Ricky.  I mean, he is SCREAMING and tearing out his tubes and whatnot, and Christine runs out screaming for a doctor in the most understaffed hospital in America.  Nikki comes rushing in, and her tender, special connection hands calm Paul right down.

 

Summer sits in the park and calls Phyllis in the hospital, and has the nurse hold up the phone so Summer can pour her heart out about falling in love and how hard it is. 

 

Mariah left her purse at the cottage, and Nick says he’ll run it over to her while Sharon takes care of Faith.  He looks inside, of course, and finds one of Ian’s business cards.  On the back it says, “YOU AND YOUR MOM CAN ALWAYS COME HOME.”  Nick doesn’t like that.

 

Jack continues brushing Kelly off, until she gets him to admit he saw her at the club, in Ben Rayburn’s arms.  He heard her tell Ben she loves him.  Kelly’s like, yeesh.

 

Avery’s  hanging out in Dylan’s room and his monitors start beeping like crazy.  She starts yelling, DYLAN!  DYLAN!  He won’t wake up, and of course, no medical professionals come in.

 

Paul’s  screaming and crying again about how he killed his son, and Nikki calms him down and says Ricky is gone, but Paul does have a son.  Dylan is his son, and he is fine, and Paul is fine, and it’s all fine.  Christine isn’t going to be fine, though.

[Snaporaz]

Awesome, as always, peach!

It was so hard to choose, but I think this was the highlight for me:

 

Because he hasn’t reached the highest level of primate yet, Dylan can’t apply what he’s learned in one situation to a new situation.

 

As for this,

 

(Christine) rails on Nikki about how stupid she is for going on this wild kid chase with Paul, never saying a word that it could have been Paul’s child.  Which makes Paul stupid, too, because do the math.

I have to give Paul a pass here, because Nikki was so adamant that Ian was the father.  If someone were as certain about anything with me as she was about Ian, I wouldn't question them, either.

 

 

Lauren drinks wine and says she feels like she’s been on the wildest, craziest rollercoaster ride of her life.  Really?  After your son and husband went to prison for killing a guy that wasn’t dead, just for you?  Okay.

Not only that, this is the woman who tussled with Sheila Carter a dozen times, and Sarah Smythe, and Daisy, and that dude who freaking BURIED HER ALIVE!  Today's events should have felt like a ride on the Enchanted Choo-Choo Train at KiddieLand to her.

[peach]

I have to give Paul a pass here, because Nikki was so adamant that Ian was the father.  If someone were as certain about anything with me as she was about Ian, I wouldn't question them, either.

 

Not only that, this is the woman who tussled with Sheila Carter a dozen times, and Sarah Smythe, and Daisy, and that dude who freaking BURIED HER ALIVE!  Today's events should have felt like a ride on the Enchanted Choo-Choo Train at KiddieLand to her.

 

You'd think Paul would have wondered at least, but you're right, Nikki was adamant.  Maybe he even did ask her if it was possible that it was "anyone else," and I don't remember, because I wasn't paying much attention.

 

And yeah, Lauren's been on some pretty insane rollercoasters! In the interest of time and space, I just included what happened to her in the last year, LOL.  And that's still leaving out the entire event of Delia's death which finally resulted in them forcing Chloe into a mental hospital just a few WEEKS ago!  An organ transplant and surprise grown child is really just another day in Genoa City, if you ask me.

[Joimiaroxeu]

Kelly stops by just then and is super excited to meet Traci.

So excited she sorta curtseyed like Traci was royalty or something. It was weird and so is Kelly.

 

They all leave, and Dylan can’t understand how his interfering could go so wrong.  Again. 

Now that it's known that Paul is Dylan's father (but still no DNA test...), maybe they can rename Dylan to Pauline, as in "Perils of..." It's just one disaster after another with that guy and each one is usually of his own making.

 

She wants him to convince Jack to give her access to her money

I would have assumed Summer still had her trust funds from Nick and Victor (although I guess for tax reasons they'd have to call them something else). She's down to just one trust fund now? Poor baby, how will she ever live like the spoiled rich bratty heiress she is?

[peach]

She said "accounts" as in plural, but I guess her legal daddy decides how much she's allowed to have.  It seems like her Newman money would still exist.  She's only 18, so she probably can't spend as she likes until she's at LEAST 21, if not older.  She's probably got a sweet car, though, if she wants Austin out so bad, she should sell it.  Or take a payday loan that then Jack would have to give her money to pay back.  I don't know, I could think of a hundred things that don't involve whining and stamping my foot.  She should get some advice from Ian Ward.  haha.

[Snaporaz]

I'm not sure Noah has access to his trust fund yet, either.  Although, he did manage to pay for a room at the GCAC for a few nights of sexy time with Courtnoid, so I could be wrong.  Summer should be eligible for disability checks from the state of Wisconsin for being so mentally deficient.  

 

I'm betting that when Summer calls Phyllis, the nurse sets the phone down on the nightstand and goes to make herself a sandwich.

Edited June 29, 2014 by Snaporaz

[Joimiaroxeu]

Summer should be eligible for disability checks from the state of Wisconsin for being so mentally deficient.

LOL. As much as I want to believe she's Jack's kid, her Nick genes seem to be coming out strong lately.

[PatsyandEddie]

^^^^ Or her Phyllis ones. *snort*

[Joimiaroxeu]

Well, I'd call Phyllis a lot of things before I'd call her mentally deficient. (Most of them are words we're not supposed to use here...) I think that ish is straight up from the Newman side. Poor Jack.

[Suby]

^^^^ Or her Phyllis ones. *snort*

Especially the snort! :D

Phyllis was certainly mentally deficient when it came to her obsessions with men.  Danny Romalotti and Nick Newman.  It was a joy to behold.

[PatsyandEddie]

Yes indeed Suby. Sure gave us lots of material! LMAO!!

[peach]

Mon, June 30, 2014  BAMBOOZLED!

Victoria stops by the ranch to see dear old Daddy.  She’s curious as to why Dylan was willing to risk his life to be Paul’s donor.  Victor says, let’s just say he found a very compelling reason, K?  Uh, like what?  Well, Dylan found out Ian Ward isn’t his father.  So, I guess Vicky has to figure out this logic problem herself.

 

Paul’s still crying about killing his other grown son, Ricky.  Replay of Nikki telling him it’s okay because he has another son to replace him! It’s all better now! Christine rushes in, and is like, WHAT are you DOING?!  She goes to Paul’s side where he insists he has to see his son, his son!  Christine says Ricky is gone.  Well, Paul wants to see DYLAN.  Chris shoots a laser glare at Nikki.

 

I don’t know what Dylan’s monitors are actually for because the only way you can get medical help in this hospital is to scream for it, which Avery is doing right now.  Thank God, Stitch is back on duty, and  he brought two helpers.  Maybe something will get done around here.  He spits out all that TV ER stuff about CC’s and whatnot while Avery cries in the background.

 

Billy and Chelsea meet with Kevin at Crimson Lights. They confess to their Australian hijinks, including Billy’s stupid hat.  Kevin says, oh, that sounds brilliant. (I’ve missed you, Kevin!)  He says that’s called fraud, and he really doesn’t want get involved with this crap, probably because they’re so lame at it.   Billy’s like, oh, come on, Kev.  “Billy..don’t act like we’re best buds.”  Billy wants Kevin to put their differences aside because they need his tech savvy.  Chelsea convinces him to at least listen.

 

Billy and Chelsea give Kevin the synopsis of, well, nothing, besides the fact that Kelly’s ex has never heard of Stitch.  Kevin’s like, so?    They insist that it’s as if Stitch never existed before he joined the army.  Kevin thinks that’s impossible, but he also doesn’t care.  Billy begs Kevin to save his marriage by helping them find out what Stitch did, and why Kelly is helping him cover it up.  These people are billionaires, Kevin, make them at least pay up since Kay Chancellor only gave you a bunch of records.

 

Jack tells Kelly it’s pretty obvious that something is going on between her and Stitch.  She says they have a history, but Jack says that hug was in the present.

 

Avery is yelling at Stitch that Dylan can’t die!  He kicks her out of the room.  He’s a lot more forceful than Dr. Boring Shelby.  Avery walks around holding her head.  Ian walks up and wants to know what’s wrong with Dylan.  She says he has some nerve showing up there.  “Well, I AM Dylan’s father.  I’m concerned about his welfare.”  Avery slaps him across the face!  She says he knows damn well that he ISN’T Dylan’s father.  He says Nikki deceived him, but Avery yells at him for all his scamming and extortion, etc.  She says his secret’s out now, and everyone knows it.

 

Dr. Boring Shelby says everything’s fine with Paul, and lots of patients are disoriented after surgery.  He gave him more drugs and thinks everyone should let him REST.  Then you need to bar the door, Dr. Shelby.  He tells NIKKI out in the hallway, “If you need anything else at all, just let me know.”  Nikki says, “We’ll let you know, Doctor.”  Chris is coming out and is like, are you kidding me?  WE’LL let you know? 

 

She just wants Nikki to LEAVE so she can’t upset Paul any more.  Nikki’s like OMG!  SHE didn’t upset him, she was just trying to help him with the Dylan news.  They argue about the merits of whether or not Paul should know, and Chris is like, he’s MY husband!  Nikki says, well he’s MY FRIEND, and she’s known him a lot longer than Christine has!  They always ask you that on hospital forms:  Friend you’ve known longer than your spouse? 

 

Christine says, oh, so you think you’re entitled to him?  Who do you think you are??  Nikki says to give it a rest!  Paul can handle the truth, it’s CHRIS that has all the issues over this.  Chris says she’s going to start a big issue RIGHT NOW, and they’re seconds away from a real cat fight, but all their yammering has woken up Paul.  “Whass going on?

 

Victoria can’t believe Paul is Dylan’s father.  She knows who the real victim is here.  How is poor old Victor handling this?  He’s angry about Ian Ward.  Vicky thinks it’s going to be a big issue that Nikki has a GROWN MAN child with a guy she loves.  Victor’s like, psshhh, we love each other.  So how about the father of YOUR baby?  Well, it’s not an ideal situation, says Victoria, but either man would be a good father.  Yeah, but who would she PREFER be the father?  Victoria would prefer that Delia never died, and then Billy would never have cheated on her. Um, what a good reason to wish a child were still alive.  And now they’re getting a divorce.  It’s Christmas in July for Victor!  He talks up Stitch, but he will support her no matter who the father is.  He adores her.

 

Kevin thinks Billy and Chelsea’s plan is dumb.  He doesn’t get why they want him to get dirt on Stitch by investigating Kelly.  Chelsea says it’s the only lead they’ve got.  Kevin’s like, hello, Billy slept with Kelly.  He thinks this is all gross.  Oh, but Billy just wants to protect Victoria, it’s not like he’s jealous or anything like that.  Kevin frowns at them for a while, but he gives in because he’s felt so much pain about losing Chloe.  Chelsea wants to know how he’s going to do it.  On a laptop, of course.  Crimson Lights has free wi-fi.

 

Kelly says she cares about Jack, and thinks their relationship could go somewhere.  He thought so too, until he saw her with Stitch.  HE HEARD HER say she still LOVED him, so WHAT IS GOING ON?  He asks her if she was the reason Stitch’s marriage broke up.  “Yes,” she says.  “I was.” 

 

Kelly is about to spill her guts when Billy walks in.  Billy is kind of like Murphy’s Law.  If he can screw something up, he will.  Kelly turns on Billy and says she WARNED him NOT to dig into Stitch’s past, and that it won’t do anything to help him with Victoria.  She yells at him for going to Australia to badger a woman who just wants to be left ALONE.  Well, he thinks that was Kelly’s fault for not telling him anything.  She says, oh, so when Jenna didn’t tell you anything, you started digging into MY past?

 

Billy asks if Dean told her he called.  Oops.  Kelly is like, YOU CALLED MY EX-HUSBAND???  She’s shaking with anger.  Billy says he needed information.  She thought Billy was her FRIEND.  She trusted him when she told him about her marriage breaking up and can’t believe he would betray her this way.  Billy’s like, uh, hey, sorry, but she’s furious.  Why should she be surprised, Kelly says, since he betrayed his OWN WIFE.  Jack doesn’t know what to make of any this.

 

Victoria really appreciates how Victor adores her and supports her.  She knows Mom appreciates him, too.  Victor appreciates her saying so.  It’s a mutual appreciation society.  They talk about how there are no more ties between Nikki and Ian Ward.  Victor’s not worried about Paul Williams being Dylan’s father because he’s a nice guy.

 

Nikki and Christine rush into Paul’s room, and he asks if it’s true.  He asks Nikki if Dylan is his son.  Christine glares at her.  Ugh, just get it over with, Christine.  Nikki says yes.  Paul’s all confused about Ian Ward.  Chris wants to talk about it later.  No, he says he’s missed too much already.  Nikki tells him this is what Ian’s cryptic hints were about.  He asks Nikki to come closer.  Ooo, Chris hates that.  Nikki explains about Ian. 

 

She says it’s a shame Paul almost had to die for the truth to come out, because Dylan was his donor.  Paul is stunned that his son saved his life, and he weeps.  Yeah, this is a GOOD THING, Christine, but she pouts and cries at the door.  She’s like, yep, okay, great, time for Nikki to leave so Dylan’s gift doesn’t go to waste.  I don’t really care for her tone when she says “Dylan’s gift.” Nikki starts to leave, and Paul says to make sure she tells Dylan thank you for him.  Christine cries and feels sorry for herself instead of going to thank Dylan herself for SAVING PAUL’S LIFE. 

 

Ian says he’s just as surprised as anyone to find out he’s not Dylan’s father.  STOP LYING, says Avery.  Ian asks why Dylan went against doctor’s orders anyway.  “Because he wanted to save HIS FATHER,” says Nikki triumphantly.  She tells Ian to take his concern and lies and GO.

 

Christine strokes Paul’s face, while she’s probably hoping Dylan dies.

 

Ian doesn’t know why Nikki’s mad at HIM, since she’s the deceiver.  Stitch comes out and says they’re waiting for test results, but he looks pretty depressed.  Avery goes in to see Dylan, and Nikki asks Ian WHAT he is still DOING HERE?  She told him to LEAVE.  Ian and Nikki have a lot in common.  He keeps pretending he thought Dylan really was his son.  Nikki says he KNEW he was sterile.  He says, oh, the doctors just said it was UNLIKELY he’d have kids, and Ian thought it was just one of times the doctors were wrong, like when people end up getting pregnant after adopting.  It was Nikki who was so certain, so he even changed his will to include Dylan.  “I wasn’t certain,” says Nikki.  “I was BAMBOOZLED!”  He says Nikki CHEATED HIM.  Avery comes out and yells at him, but Ian says, “If you want to blame someone, blame Nicole.” 

 

Dr. Boring Shelby is meeting Leslie for dinner at the club.  He better bring the sizzle, because so far I haven’t seen anything to warrant a Vegas wedding.  Leslie does love that Barton rescued Paul from the brink of death.  She says he does important work, not like that trifling fashion industry, I suppose.  Leslie must also love the calm voice of reason, as they talk about the chances of Leslie being disbarred for violating Ian’s attorney-client privilege.  She plans on telling the truth, which is dumb.  But she doesn’t regret telling Nikki, because she thought Dylan should be able to spend time with Paul in case they were his last moments.

 

Billy tells Kelly that he thought she understood they just got caught up in their grief when they hooked up, duh.  She’s extremely upset and says she thought HE understood that the things she told him about her family were not easily shared!  He says, I know.  She’s like that’s just it.  You KNEW.  She says he KNEW how she and Dean couldn’t even LOOK at each other it hurt so much, so HOW could he open those wounds again by contacting him??? “Do my own feelings mean so LITTLE to you??  I thought we were friends!  I guess I was wrong!”  She rushes out in tears.  Billy looks sheepish and tells Jack to go ahead and tell him how paranoid and wrong he is.  Jack says Billy isn’t wrong, at least not about Stitch and Kelly.  And I’m pretty sure he’s wrong about that, too.

 

Kevin wants to know why Chelsea wants to help Billy and Victoria when they aren’t even friends.  He thinks she’s trying to give them the happy ending she missed, which he understands.  She asks about Chloe, and he says he flew to California and broke into the psych ward because she refused to see him.  Wait…WHAT??  Day after day I’m forced to slog through Summer whining and crying and Neil and Hilary’s gross love talk and lip smacking…while off camera, KEVIN IS BREAKING INTO MENTAL HOSPITALS FOR TRUE LOVE?  Thanks for nothing, show.  Anyway, the cops came, and Michael convinced them to let Kevin go, instead of locking him up next door to Chloe.  Only in California. 

 

Kevin doesn’t know how he’s going to live without Chloe.  Chelsea says the same way she lives without Adam.  She says it’s hard but eventually you have to start living again.  “Living with whom?” asks Victoria who’s come up behind them. “Or do I even have to ask?.”   Wow, her hair looks great.  Victoria asks Chelsea if she’s really going to claim she went all the way to Australia with HER husband in order to save her marriage?  Chelsea’s like, Billy’s an idiot so I went to keep him out of trouble.  Vicky thinks Chelsea’s after Billy herself, and Chelsea is disgusted because Billy is a noble, romantic person whom Vicky crushed with divorce papers.  But Vicky can jump for joy that it’s over with Billy now.  Victoria says no,she’s still connected to Billy because of Johnny and maybe this other baby. 

 

Chelsea tells Vicky she can’t have it both ways!  She either wants Billy or she doesn’t!  Chelsea UNDERSTANDS Billy and his pain.  Victoria says, did you think you could “bond” over your grief in the Outback?  Over a bloomin’ onion?  She says Billy will NEVER make that mistake again.  Chelsea looks like she might take that as a challenge.

 

NOW Billy’s trying to play devil’s advocate with Jack and act like there’s probably NOTHING going on with Stitch and Kelly.  My God, is he contrary.   Jack says he heard Kelly say she still loved Stitch.  Billy’s like…oh.  Well, he’s sorry.  Jack says, are you really?  He thought Billy would be thrilled to have proof that they’re hiding something.  Yeah, well, Billy regrets ruining his friendship with Kelly and causing everyone pain so he can [get his way] protect Victoria.

 

Christine is weepy with Paul about how worried she was about losing him and the future and the family they talked about.  Paul is amazed all that time he was helping Nikki search for the birth records, he was searching for his own child.  Wow, yeah, well Chris doesn’t want to talk about that.  She just wants to think about [herself] their life together.

 

Ian tells Nikki he was perfectly content living his life helping people, and then Avery and Dylan just show up one day and tell him he has a grown son he knew nothing about, a son that hates him because of the stories Nikki concocted to make up for her own guilt for abandoning her child.  Avery can’t listen to this and leaves.  Nikki’s like, CONCOCTED??  She didn’t abandon her child, she gave him a chance in life.  They argue, and Victor arrives to calm her down.  Ian says Nikki should be held accountable for all the trouble in Dylan’s life, and Victor says, you get your ass out of here now!  Ian runs away.  Victor tells Nikki this isn’t her fault, but she thinks maybe Ian has a point.  I thought this was all Avery and Boz Foreman’s fault?

 

Victoria accuses Chelsea of trying to seduce Billy, who is walking in the door.  Kevin’s like, dude, good luck.  Vicky says Chelsea might be sad because Adam’s not around anymore, but she shouldn’t compare that to Billy losing a baby, a baby that her beloved husband left to die by the side of the road. Billy interrupts and says Chelsea doesn’t have to defend him or explain her grief.  Vicky rolls her eyes, and Chelsea walks away.  Vicky tells Billy she gets it, only HER friends can be subject to intense scrutiny.  Billy admits he crossed the line on the whole Australia thing…but that doesn’t give her the right to take it out on Chelsea.  Oh, Billy, you are so damn dumb.

 

Jack stops by Kelly’s office to apologize for judging her.  He’s also sorry that she didn’t trust him enough to tell him what was going on with Stitch.  He knows she didn’t mean to hurt him, but it does.  It took a lot for him to step out after Phyllis, like a whole afternoon in the park, but at least he can thank her for helping him heal.  Kelly’s like, no, wait, she WANTS to tell him the truth.

 

Leslie thinks of other careers with long graduate programs like architecture or psychology.  Barton says she doesn’t need to do that.  Does she want him to remind her why he fell so madly in love with her and married her so quickly?  Yes, I think we would all like to hear that.  It’s because she’s a determined, self-made woman who fights for what she wants.  He says she WILL come out on top of this because “that’s what we do.”  He does have a nice smile.  She smiles back and says, oh, that’s what we do.  I think she just married him because he’s a doctor.  He has to get back to the hospital.  Ian sits down with her and says he has a way out of this mess for her.

 

Victor thinks Nikki is crazy for blaming herself, but she thinks it’s her fault that he donated his liver because Dylan overheard her tell Paul the truth.  Stitch rushes up.  He doesn’t look too happy.  They go in Dylan’s room where Stitch tells them it’s worse than he thought.

 

Christine wants Paul to sleep, but he wants to see Dylan.  Like father, like son.  She promises Nikki will give him Paul’s message but he wants her to see if Dylan can come back.  She’s like y’all both need to stay in bed.  She says he’ll have plenty of time to bond with Dylan later.  Or not.

 

Stitch says Dylan has an aggressive infection, probably from crawling around the hospital corridors, which is pretty bad news.  They’re giving him high powered antibiotics which they hope will work.  A spleen would probably come in handy right now.

 

Ian says he’s willing to keep Leslie’s little breach of ethics to himself if she does something for him in return.  “A deal with the devil?” asks Leslie.  Ian says he won’t ask for her firstborn, just some legal help.  He wants to sue Nikki Newman for severe emotional distress.  Leslie wrinkles her nose, like wth are you talking about?

 

Vicky says she’ll make Billy a deal.  If he leaves her friends alone, she’ll stay away from his. She walks off, and Chelsea tells Billy sticking up for her didn’t help his cause.  Billy says he’s been acting like a complete jackass and should have taken her advice, and Kelly’s, and Jack’s, and not tried to dig up dirt on Stitch to win Vicky back.  Duh.  I think that was Vicky's advice, too.  He’s sorry he dragged “Chels” into this, and he’s going to forget about the whole thing.  Kevin asks him if he’s sure about that, because he just found something interesting on his computer.

 

Kelly tells Jack she doesn’t talk about her past with Stitch because it’s complicated.  She says it’s true that she will always love him.  So you did have an affair with him, says Jack.  No, it’s not like that.  “Ben is…my brother.”  Jack is shocked.

[Joimiaroxeu]

These people are billionaires, Kevin, make them at least pay up since Kay Chancellor only gave you a bunch of records.

That's an excellent point. Both Chelsea and Billy are more than wealthy enough to hire a whole team of private investigators to get the scoop on Stitch and Kelly. But no, they have to go the cheap way and try to use people who are barely their friends to do their dirty work. Those two users deserve each other.

 

Avery slaps him across the face! 

Heh, that was one weak and telegraphed slap. Faith could have delivered a better slap than that and Ian's probably got at least half a foot in height on her.

 

He better bring the sizzle, because so far I haven’t seen anything to warrant a Vegas wedding.

Maybe what he's bringing is below the table, if you catch my drift, wokka wokka wokka.

 

Chelsea looks like she might take that as a challenge.

Oh yeah, Chelsea's going to climb nuBilly like a tree.

[LeftPhalange]

 

“Ben is…my brother.”  Jack is shocked.

 

"Ben is my brother...and I used to have sex with him." Kelly cries. Jack is confused.

Edited July 1, 2014 by LeftPhalange

[peacheslatour]

 

She asks about Chloe, and he says he flew to California and broke into the psych ward because she refused to see him.  Wait…WHAT??  Day after day I’m forced to slog through Summer whining and crying and Neil and Hilary’s gross love talk and lip smacking…while off camera, KEVIN IS BREAKING INTO MENTAL HOSPITALS FOR TRUE LOVE?  Thanks for nothing, show.

THIS!! SO MUCH THIS!

[Snaporaz]

 

Vicky says Chelsea might be sad because Adam’s not around anymore, but she shouldn’t compare that to Billy losing a baby, a baby that her beloved husband left to die by the side of the road.

Are the writers even forgetting recent history now?  I hate to come to Chelsea's defense, but Vicky's brain-damaged niece caused Chelsea to lose a baby, so she may understand that kind of grief.

[LeftPhalange]

 

Vicky says Chelsea might be sad because Adam’s not around anymore, but she shouldn’t compare that to Billy losing a baby, a baby that her beloved husband left to die by the side of the road.

 

Billy and Chelsea both lost someone they loved very much so I don't even know why Vicki needed to go there. Why does it need to be a contest over who is suffering more.  And Billy also left Adam to die so I'm not even sure what her point was.

Edited July 1, 2014 by LeftPhalange

[Petunia13]

Doesn't surprise me given her history of disdain and disgust with Adam and her half hearted Billy hatred (she can't stand or tolerate him hug is jealous). In her mind she still thinks he's miles above Adam even if he's a premeditated murderer and Adam was a manslaughterer.

Kelly should shut the fuck up with her nonsense.

[peach]

Tue, July 1, 2014

 

Jacks says to Kelly, “Stitch…is your BROTHER?”  Yep.  And here he thought they had an affair.  NO, at least she did not have an affair with her brother.  But she did break up his marriage when she gave the Information about Stitch to Jenna, who thought it was unforgivable.  So does Kelly.  Some things you just can’t get past.

 

Chelsea asks Kevin if he already found something on Stitch. He admits he might have already done a search on Stitch in the past.  I told you guys Kevin works for the NSA.  He says people can never fully erase their past, even though that’s what Dr. Rayburn spent a hell of a lot of time trying to do.  Chelsea and Billy stare and flap their mouths a little, and Kevin asks aren’t they curious as to WHY?

 

Stitch tells Nikki and Victor they need to be prepared for Dylan not to make it.  She wants to call the kids and tell them.  Victoria’s already there and gets the news.

 

Jill admires her necklace in the mirror.  Geez, does this woman DO ANYTHING anymore?  Oh, she’s going to meet Billy at the club, does that count as a thing?  Snore.

 

Leslie thinks it’s amusing that Ian would paint himself as a victim in the game he’s playing.  Ian thinks it’s amusing, too, but wonders if Leslie will still be laughing when she gets disbarred.  She files this emotional distress suit against Nikki, or he reports her to the bar association.  Which will it be?  Didn't he already claim he talked to the ethics committee?

 

Nikki gasps and cries.  Stitch says they’re doing everything they can, and he’s seen Mac beat the odds before.  Victoria comforts Nikki.  Victor calls Nick and wants him to come to the hospital, K?

 

Jack says Kelly said she and her brother were estranged, but it sure doesn’t seem that way now.  She says she spent years being furious and not speaking to him, but he reached out to her when Sam died to support her.  She was out of her mind with grief, and took it out on all the wrong people.  So instead of appreciating Stitch’s support, she was just enraged that he was living a happy, idyllic life, especially after what he’d done. She thought Jenna deserved to know the truth about him. What did Stitch do that was so terrible it ended his marriage, asks the man with several ended marriages.  Kelly is overcome with tears and can’t answer.  Jack looks very concerned.

 

Contrary Billy isn’t so sure he does want to know Stitch’s secret after he’s wasted all our time like this.  Now he’s worried about alienating Victoria some more.  Kevin mocks him for being so stupid.  They discuss Vicky being jealous of Chelsea, but Billy says, no, no, it’s HIS jealousy that’s the problem.  He just thought if he could prove he was the bigger man than Stitch, Vicky would throw him over for Billy.  Kevin’s like, how are you the bigger man exactly?  Well, he does seem quite a bit bigger than a few days ago.  Ha.  Because Billy LIVES to irritate me, he’s going to respect Victoria’s wishes now, and he’s done with the search for Stitch’s secret.  He leaves.  Kevin rolls his eyes at this annoying drama they’ve put him through, and closes his laptop, but Chelsea says, “Not so fast.”  Thank you, Chelsea.

 

Victoria comforts Nikki and says Stitch is a great doctor AND Dylan’s best friend, so he’ll go above and beyond for him.  Nikki cries and says she can’t lose Dylan when she just found him, and Paul deserves to know his son.  Nick is just walking up, and says, “Paul’s SON?”  Wow, he is really late to this party.  Nikki explains the backstory again, and Nick is disgusted with Ian.  Nikki moans about how it never occurred to her that Paul was the father and how if she had known that they could have raised Dylan together in that stupid cult.  This is too dumb to comment on.  They all insist she go home and rest.

 

Leslie jumps up and tells Ian there is no way in hell she’s going to help him sue Nikki.  She’s like, you want to call the ethics committee?  Then DO IT.  He asks her if she’s willing to give up her career, and she says she’d rather do that than be mixed up with the likes of him!  She storms out, and Mariah storms in.  “Was it all a lie?” she asks.  Did she waste years of her life on The Path when it was all lies?  Ian’s like how could you even think that?  She just wants him to answer the question.  Has he been playing her like he’s been playing everyone else in this town?

 

Kelly apologizes for being emotional, and that Jack has every right to ask her for the truth.  Hey, if there’s anything Jack understands, it’s family loyalty, like his loyalty to his own screw-up brother, Billy.  Kelly feels like she owes Stitch since she wrecked his marriage.  She makes bad choices when she’s grieving and feels like a horrible person.  Jack comforts her and says she was in pain and made a mistake because she’s human.  From where he sits, she’s a lovable human.  She says even if that were true, that doesn’t mean she’s the right one for him.

 

Chelsea wants Kevin to tell her what he found on Stitch.  Kevin asks what difference does it make?  Billy doesn’t want to pursue it.  Chelsea says they are two different people, so spill.  Kevin’s amused by Chelsea’s interest and thinks maybe Victoria has a reason to be jealous.  He teases her about Billy, and Chelsea doth protests too much.  He tells her she isn’t the type to kid herself.  She admits that she cares about Billy, probably more than she should. 

 

Victoria talks to Stitch about how HE is handling Dylan being sick.  It’s hard for him.  The thought of losing someone else…  he says he’s so glad he has Victoria.   No pressure there.  She hugs him.

 

Billy meets his new mom at the club, where she’s ordered a drink for her son with a drinking problem.  They discuss his birthday plans.  She really wants to do something when he has some free time.  Billy’s entire life is free time, but he says he’s going to have even more now.  She says judging by his suit, he still works at Jabot, and he says he hasn’t managed to screw that one up yet, probably because he’s never there.  He tells Jill that Victoria’s filed for divorce, and she’s probably better off with Stitch anyway because Billy’s just an adulterer with a gambling problem, boo hoo.  Jill knows the only way to get Billy to do ANYTHING is to tell him not to, so she tells him he’s right.  He doesn’t stand a chance so he should save himself the embarrassment and just give up on Victoria.

 

Of course, this works.  He thought his mom of all people would encourage him to fight for the woman he loves.  Well, why would she do that when Stitch is such a perfect choice for Victoria and Johnny and the baby.  Johnny??  No, NOBODY is better at raising a child than Billy is, even Victoria says so…well, except for that time his unsupervised kid died.  Jill says it’s about damn time he stand up for himself.  She says Colin has messed up plenty of times, like kidnapping her, and she’s still with him, and does he know why?  “You have terrible judgment?” says Billy.  NO, it’s because she LOVES him.  And Victoria feels the same way, he just has to find a way to remind her.  Billy says he loves her.  She says, “Drink up, baby.”  O-kay.

 

Colin answers the door and the bad guy is there!  He says Colin is all out of time, and people are going to get hurt.  Sinister piano music plays.

 

Ian wants to get Mariah out of the club so the Newmans are unaware of their connection.  She says it’s too late because Nick’s already seen them at the motel.  He’s like, ohhh, so that’s who’s filled her head with the idea that he’s taking advantage of her.  Not just me, says Mariah, but Nikki and Summer, and he extorted millions from them!  He says, honey, you believed all that?  He reminds her that he took her in and made her part of his family and thinks of her as a daughter.  She says Nick was so adamant about it.  Ian says there are two sides to every story, and Nick’s side isn’t entirely accurate.

 

Nikki’s engaging in her moaning at the ranch now.  Nick wants to run Ian out of town, and she asks him NOT to talk like that.  Leslie’s at the door.  She tells Nikki that Ian plans to file a lawsuit against her for emotional distress.  He’s going to claim that Nikki intentionally misled him about Dylan being his son.  Leslie thinks it’s going to take a king’s ransom to get rid of Ian.  Nick wants to get rid of him all right, and Nikki is like shut up about that.

 

Victor says to tell Ian he won’t get a dime out of him.  Leslie says she doesn’t represent him anymore even though she’s probably going to get disbarred for helping the Newmans.  The Newmans think “that’s nice of her.”  Nice??  It’s a little more than nice, but the Newmans deserve someone losing their career for them, I guess.  Victor asks if Nick is ready to work on their plans.

 

Stitch thanks Victoria for the pep talk.  She invites him over after his shift, so he doesn’t feel alone tonight.  He says, what about Johnny?  He doesn’t want to put her in an awkward position.  She says maybe she doesn’t want to be alone, either.

 

Kelly says Jack doesn’t need any more drama in his life, and she comes with a ton of it.  She has a complicated relationship with her brother AND with HIS brother.  Jack says she doesn’t get it, and he kisses her.

 

Kevin says it’s tough to be around someone you care about more than they care about you.  He thinks Chelsea’s going to get hurt by someone who is clearly still in love with his wife.  She insists that she just wants to help Billy get the goods on Stitch and then she is FINISHED with this.  Okay, okay, Kevin pulled all of Stitch’s school records.  She says that’s great, because his school transcripts could lead them to his home town.  Wouldn’t you have to KNOW his home town to know what school he went to?  Chelsea asks if Ben Rayburn has been up to no good?  Kevin says not since he graduated high school and died in a car crash.   Dun dun DUN!  Why couldn’t Billy find out Ben Rayburn died in a car crash?

 

Nikki wants to know what kind of PLAN Victor and Nick are conspiring about.  Victor says it’s about finding transplant specialists for Paul.  Nikki’s clearly skeptical. 

 

Ian tells Mariah he hoped Nikki would have integrated his teachings instead of twisting what happened between them into something ugly.  She says, so you still maintain it was something beautiful? Of course.  Mariah’s like, why would she mislead everyone about this?  Because that’s just what Newmans do, like Nick does to her.  She says she’ll stay away from Nick if he wants her to, and he’s like, no no no.  She’s smart enough to see Nick’s tactics, and he doesn’t want ANYTHING to stop Mariah and rich, rich Sharon from growing closer.

 

Jack sees Billy in the club and asks if it’s a pity party or can anyone join?  Everything’s great with Billy since his mom knocked some sense into him.  She encouraged him to fight for Victoria, just smarter.  Jack thinks that’s a great idea.  Billy’s sorry he brought all this Stitch and Kelly stuff to Jack’s doorstep, but Jack’s glad he did, because it got everything into the open with Kelly.  Stitch is Kelly’s BROTHER.  Billy’s like…huh.

 

Jill comes home and asks Colin why he’s drinking alone.  She asks if this is about the money he owes people.  He denies all, as usual.  She’s like get real and just tell her the truth instead of hiring people to steal her necklace.  He admits he borrowed a bunch of money for Bonaventure and people want it back, so she has her excuse to boot him back to Oz.  She says when is he gonna get it that she loves him and they’re in this together?  When she sells that necklace, I guess. Jill thinks she can find a solution, but Colin says these people just want cash, and they want it now or they’re going to hurt the family.  He doesn’t know how to get out of this spot.  Sappy music plays, and Jill takes off the necklace and puts it in Colin’s hand.  This, she says, will pay off his debt.  He can’t believe it.

 

Omg, says Chelsea, if Ben Rayburn is dead…then who is Stitch?

 

Kelly calls Stitch and says she told Jack that he’s her brother, but she stopped short about explaining anything else.  She doesn’t think Jack will push for anything more.  He’s not happy about it.  Victoria walks up and asks, bad news?  He hopes not.

 

Billy’s like, Stitch is Kelly’s brother?  Yep.  Well, that’s…that’s just weird.  IKR?  He says she never brought that up in group.  Good thing, too.  Jack says they’ve been on the outs for years.  Billy says but why hide the relationship?  Jack says they both know that family matters are never simple, and it’s none of their business.

 

Nick shows up at Mariah’s.  She thinks he told Sharon about her connection with Ian.  No, he brought her her purse she left behind.  He says Faith is asking when she can come for dinner again.  She says she’ll have to ask her boss, and he says he can work something out.  Mariah says she thinks he’s a little bit nicer than he lets on.  They half smile at each other because they’re both faking.

 

Nikki was happy to see Nick.  She says they have to get rid of that damn Ian and his lawsuit.  Victor says they just have to concentrate on having their family back together again.  So much for the year long drama of destroying Sharon, let’s go on a picnic.