Explain it to Me Like I'm Lily: Recaps for the Disenchanted

[crosby777]

 

Let’s be real, Nick would let Adam die in a bear trap

He sure the hell would. Do the writers have any idea much the majority hate Nick the prick?

 

Mariah and Kevin are hitting it out of the park!

They are but I don't want to see them as a couple. Let Mariah have that weirdo Asstin.

 

I LOVE his ultra dry sarcasm in the face of the overbearing earnestness of Dylan, Avery, and Paul.

I love Joe too and the fact he is pissing off Dullan is a bonus. Avery flat out annoys me.. and I just have to comment about her taking her top off in an office that is all windows.. How ridiculous.

 

Is it me or does Jessica Collins have a tendency to give off a mother vibe? She's beautiful and has those knockers but she just kind of becomes the comforting mama. She was like that with Nick and now with Dylan. She needs to be badass. She doesn't work as a good nurturing type.

 I don't find her beautiful at all. She does have big knockers tho. LOL She is one of the most boring useless characters ever. I do not see one drop of appeal with her.. and it annoys me that these idiot men all start drinking wine when they are with her and go right back to beer the second she is out. LOL

[crosby777]

 

Phyllis blah blahs about how she wants all the missing pieces of her life, and she doesn’t want to be protected.  She’s recovered!

This is the whole reason I love Phyllis and hate Sharon.. sharon loves to be protected.. ICKY and weak.

[Canadian]

 

Phyllis says Jack can just give him another position.  He can head up advertising or the fashion division.   It’s all the same, right?  He’d probably like fashion, since he’s living with their lead designer, reasons Phyllis.  Jack just puts it out there that she could ALSO head up a different department.  “I could, but I don’t want to.  I want my OLD job back.  And we both know I always get what I want,” she says cozying up to him.  “Dammit, Phyllis!  You CAN’T ask me to go back on every commitment I made while you were gone!”  She glares.  “What OTHER commitments have you made?”  More mouth flapping.

sounding just like an annoying child throwing a temper tantrum, what a waste of space, no maturity whatsoever, exactly why I can't stand that character..and I am so tired of her whining about her blasted coma, doesn't seem one bit grateful to be recovered...just out for her childish revenge...most teenagers has more maturity then that imbecile..

Edited December 5, 2014 by Canadian

[Slowpokey]

sounding just like an annoying child throwing a temper tantrum, what a waste of space, no maturity whatsoever, exactly why I can't stand that character..and I am so tired of her whining about her blasted coma, doesn't seem one bit grateful to be recovered...just out for her childish revenge...most teenagers has more maturity then that imbecile..

Well I have to agree that Scummer is after all her mama's daughter. It is so selfish and hateful how she equates her plight to Faith's. Whining,pouting and bitching and moaning how her life has been ruined by that evil Sharon! I just don't understand how having all of a sudden two very rich,powerful,doting dads whom she saw every damn day for a year and families out the wahzoo is a bad thing! Not to mention the fact that her overbearing and bossy assed mama sawing Z's so she can carry on with her hoodlum boy friend without all the shreiking was not too awful bad either. lol O.K.I do understand she wanted her mom to wake up but that was not Sharon's fault!

Comparing her woes to that of her 7 year old sister who is about to have her mama ripped away from her for good by one of her rich daddies,to what she went through is just stupid! It is in no way even close to what happened to her. I think she came out of this in great form considering Nick and the Newmans never disowned her and Jack and all the Abbotts told her she would always be an Abbott to them. And thanks to Grampire Vic and his magic coma juice her mama is awake,much better looking,a lot more hard assed and back to her old habits of running and ruining other people's lives. Of course I can see how she would be angry at Sharon but Faith is an innocent and had nothing to do with this. Scummer is a grown up married woman and needs to act like it. She can't even see how wrong and heart breaking this action of Nick's is going to be for Faith? And wanting to tear Faith from her mom because she is mad at her is the very same thing that her dad is doing. It's always payback time for Sharon down on the Newman Ranch and punishing and controlling her is all they are doing! Yep just like her mama it's all about her!!!

[PatsyandEddie]

This is the whole reason I love Phyllis and hate Sharon.. sharon loves to be protected.. ICKY and weak.

 

Your comment actually reminded me of a great scene between MG and JM. I don't remember exactly what precipitated it but Daniel went off on Nick when he said how Phyllis would get through "something" because she was so strong. Daniel said that it was a front that she put on to make people think she was strong when she wasn't. It was a way to protect herself. Even MS had said in an interview that Phyllis was very insecure and hid behind a facade of false bravado. 

 

AFAIC, Phyllis is as needy and weak in her own way as anyone else on this show, not just Sharon. She has an overwhelming need to win over her "opponents" ( who is anyone who doesn't either agree with her or kiss her ass ) but it's not just a simple need. It's a need to go for the jugular and humiliate that is pathological IMO. Watching her converse with Michael in the park was all about her. Michael is obviously in pain but she can't waste a second on someone else. The world HAS to revolve around her and what she wants. She has to be the centre of attention all the time. 

[NinjaPenguins]

 

Billy told Abby he couldn’t think of two better people to honor than Katherine and Delia, but he named his kid after them instead.

Somebody pass Billy the aloe. Dumbass just got burned.

[Capricasix]

Jesus, Nick, just take out a goddamn Missed Connections Craigslist ad!

[ByTor]

Is it me or does Jessica Collins have a tendency to give off a mother vibe?

I always thought she was quite matronly & thought between her & Phyllis, Avery seemed like the older sister.  I don't quite think of her as beautiful, I think she's good looking in a generic kind of way.

[Snaporaz]

 

Although these latest Plato Sphere chapters are lame.  He slams his lack of talent until Mariah says he’s CRAZY!  It’s GREAT!  It’s AWESOME!

Since, once again, there are too many gems to refer to, I'll just say that you're our Plato Sphere.  It's GREAT!  It's AWESOME!

Edited December 5, 2014 by Snaporaz

[movinon]

Peach, is it just my screen or did you do a Phyllis? - "How Wooed" "How Wooed" - It's on my page twice.  Double post, I guess - glad to see it does it to you, too.  lol   Another great recap, as usual.

[peacheslatour]

I always thought she was quite matronly & thought between her & Phyllis, Avery seemed like the older sister.  I don't quite think of her as beautiful, I think she's good looking in a generic kind of way.

She is coarse looking and I bet she has gigantic pores.  Please writers, don't put her with beautiful Superman.

[peach]

Peach, is it just my screen or did you do a Phyllis? - "How Wooed" "How Wooed" - It's on my page twice.  Double post, I guess - glad to see it does it to you, too.  lol   Another great recap, as usual.

 

I get a lot of double posts but usually mange to delete them.  I didn't know this one did it, probably because I was up way too late!  I'll have to get rid of one.

[movinon]

I get a lot of double posts but usually mange to delete them.  I didn't know this one did it, probably because I was up way too late!  I'll have to get rid of one.

It was worth reading twice, actually.  

[miamama]

Watching her converse with Michael in the park was all about her. Michael is obviously in pain but she can't waste a second on someone else. The world HAS to revolve around her and what she wants. She has to be the centre of attention all the time.

 

And Michael had a great line and observation (thanks Peach): “I am certain, that in spite of your unabashed narcissism, you will find a place in your dark, cold, little heart to put Jack’s pain above your jealousy.”

 

Even the writers are clear that Phyllis is NOT strong. She is a narcissist. She really is. Classically so IMO. I enjoy Phyllis because messed up people add drama and drive story. But letting her win and pushing her forward in wuv stories (and countless wedding ceremonies wherein MS could flash her hideous grin) with DICK the cheating ass absolutely ruined the character for me.

 

GT has given her life again IMO. She's playing her (and Phyllis is written) as a narcissistic asshole. But she does somewhere deep inside her have a heart. My only concern with how she's portrayed is that GT can go reptile really fast. They'll have to be sure to show us the vulnerable sweet Phyllis (that we saw for example when Jack proposed) every so often so we can sympathize with her.

Edited December 6, 2014 by miamama

[peach]

Thurs, Dec 4   Intangibles

 

Chelsea looks really pretty today, especially because she’s not wearing that horrendous magenta lipstick.  Billy’s hiding some pink wrapped cigars behind his back.  Hmm, sneaking around already.  Chelsea asks him if he’s hiding something for her, maybe an early Christmas present??  Sure, since he’s probably wrapping up a big box of disappointment for her main gift.

 

He’s sheepish about it being silly cigars.  She thinks it’s...cute!  #notcute  But, really, of course he should be celebrating his amazing daughter.  Billy’s still acting all awkward and finally says he’s sorry, it’s not’s fair what he’s doing to her.  She doesn’t like the sound of that.

 

Back to Jack dammiting Phyllis because he can’t go back on all the commitments he made while she was gone.  WHAT other commitments?   Jack backs down and apologizes for going off on her like that, he’s got a lot going on right now.  “I know.  And I’m a real complication,” she pouts.  Now Jack has to protest about how great she is.  “Let’s face it, Jack, life went on without me.  Commitments were made.  And now I’m back.  I’m disrupting the WHOLE new order.”  Jack says she’s not disrupting anything, and she has NOTHING to apologize for.  Phyllis says, “Oh, did that sound like I was apologizing?  I wasn’t.”  #NEVERsorry  “Hang on, baby, I’m just getting’ started.” 

 

Sharon comes downstairs to find Faith sitting sadly on the couch with her doll.  She offers to play with her, tell her what she wants to do.  Faith pitifully says, “I don’t want to go between houses.”  Oh, that’s okay, Daddy’s not going to let you come to this house anymore.  Sharon says she and Daddy told her they both love her so much.  And she gets to have two rooms and all her things, etc.  It’ll work out fine, just like when they did it before.  Faith shrugs.  “I don’t understand why Daddy’s so mad at you.”  Because he’s a BIG MEANIE!

 

Noah brings Nick home on crutches.  Noah asks where a bear trap came from?!  Nick says it was probably there for quite a while, it was old and rusty.  Maybe Nick will get lockjaw.  He got lucky, no broken leg.  It could have been a lot worse since he could have frozen to death.  So, who found him?  “An angel of mercy,” moons Nick.  With her buddy, the angel of resentment.

 

Meanwhile, back at the castle, Adam is working on more arm sculpting.   I imagine we’ll be getting some more gym scenes as soon as he gets back to GC.  Sage is worried about his brother!!  “Nick’s gonna be fine.  He’s always led a charmed life.”  Sage doesn’t get it.  His injuries could be serious!  She thinks she should call the hospital!!  And do what?  Adam tells her to let it go.  She starts to flounce away from him and he grabs her by the arm.  “Excuse me, that was NOT a request!  I’m not gonna let you ruin my plan!”  Which would ruin her plan, too, so I don’t know WHAT she’s thinking.  I guess she’s just that mesmerized by TGNN.  Like it’s FATE, you guys!

 

Kevin tells Mariah she “doesn’t want to do that.”  She can take a coffee break if she wants, and if he keeps looking at her like that, she’s going to make him PAY for his coffee.  He doesn’t back down.   Okay, fine, what is it she doesn’t want to do?  “You don’t want to start a war with Summer.”  Over Austin??  He’s married!!  Nooo, over the custody issue of her own sister. 

 

“I CAN’T help it, Kevin.  She keeps getting in my face and trashing Sharon.  And then praising Nick who, btw, isn’t all that.”  Isn’t all that what?  “All that great at the dad thing.”  Kevin’s like come on, Nick’s a GREAT dad.  Mariah admits that, but says he’s no greater than Sharon as a parent TO FAITH, which is the whole point.  So, her fighting Summer over this accomplishes what?  It’s fun, Kevin, don’t talk her out of it.  But Mariah admits it doesn’t accomplish a damn thing, that’s what sucks.  This WHOLE THING sucks, just like Christmas. 

 

They dis early Christmas decs and annoying music together.  She makes a prole speech about how unfair that Santa bastard was to poor Rudolph, which she should really make into an essay for Salon.  Kevin guesses she didn’t really get to have any fun Christmas misery growing up.  Nope.  In The Path, December 25th was just another day to worship at the altar of Ian Ward.  What a boring cult. 

 

And her poser mother always got squirrely this time of year, like off the charts.  No tree, no gifts.  Kevin looks genuinely saddened.  “It was like she was playing a part, but she didn’t know the lines.”  He’s sorry she missed out on all that good stuff.  What?  No!  She didn’t miss it, she ESCAPED it.  Do you think she MISSED being force fed stories about some weird guy watching her all year and giving toys to only nice kids?  Poor Mariah never found out that nice kids get way less toys than brats.  She just rocked Kevin’s world with this perspective.  It does seem forced and relentless now that he thinks about.   Maybe they can run away and become Druids. 

 

He says the magic is gone now.  He gets choked up and says, his dad never did Christmas either, but…Delia.  Watching her joy even got through to a cynic like him.  Mariah says she was lucky to have him, someone who wanted her to feel that magic.  Mariah’s going to get feelz, so she rushes back to work quicklike. 

 

Sharon tells Faith that Daddy has a good reason to be angry with her.  She’s made some mistakes.  “Daddy always says we should forgive people.”  By “people” he meant “Nick.”  Sharon says that’s true.  Then why doesn’t she just say she’s sorry?  “I did.  But sometimes that’s just not enough.”  She asks Faith if she remembers the time she took Summer’s diary and lied about it?  Yeah.  Well, she said she was sorry, and she meant it, but Sharon still had to punish her.  “So..Dad is punishing you?”  IN SPADES.  Oh, sweetie, says Sharon, and hugs her.

 

Nick got some legal papers from Sharon’s attorney.  He tells Noah she’s decided to fight him on his bid for sole custody of Faith.  Noah frowns.  He didn’t know about this.  “I cannot believe Sharon wants to turn this into an ugly battle,”  complains Nick.  Noah’s like are you fucking kidding me?  But in that nice Noah way.  “Dad, what did you think she was gonna do?  Did you seriously expect her to just give up her daughter without a fight?”  Nick frowns.  He didn’t really think at all.

 

Sage tells Adam to LET GO.  Fine.  “I can’t believe returning to my family depends on a 300 year old invalid, a woman who hates me, and a DOG that hates me even more.”  Sage doesn’t think Bugatti HATES him.  Meaning Sage does?  Lol  “Well that mongrel is the one that led you to that injured guy in the woods who, surprise surprise, turned out to be my brother, Nick.”  It’s like he did it on PURPOSE. 

 

She thinks it was a stroke of luck they found his brother!  Incredibly bad luck, says Adam.  Sage says WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?  HE’S YOUR BROTHER.  Sage is a little slow.  Who knows how bad his injuries were, she needs to call and check on him!  Please, she’s done enough. 

 

He’s sure his father’s already flown in specialists from Sweden who have built him a bionic leg by now.  “It wouldn’t surprise me if my father hired a troubadour to write a folk song about The Day Nick Was Rescued From The Bear Trap.”  Omg, that made me laugh so hard I had trouble typing.  I declare that the best line of the year.

 

Sage is bemusedly frowning.  “You know it’s strange seeing another man’s reaction on Gabriel’s face.”  That’s just because Gabriel didn’t know Nick.  He’s like, really, so Gabriel was never frustrated or annoyed?  Or had to put up with a prick like Nick Newman?  No, that’s not it at all, she taunts.  It’s fear.  Sage seems perfect for Nick.  Hook them up ASAP.

 

Billy says he was trying to sneak out with those cigars, as if Chelsea couldn’t handle him being happy about being a dad and sharing it with his family.  She asks if she’s done anything to make him feel that way.  No, she’s been GREAT through all this, he’s the one who’s been acting like he has something to hide.  Why is that?  Billy sighs.  It’s ABBY.  She’s always yapping away about how he and Victoria are Destined To Be Together.  And this baby is adding fuel to the fire, and everybody wants to chime in.  But he’s going to be unfailingly honest with Chelsea.  She assures him she is TRULY HAPPY for him.  Now go.  He leaves, and she deflates a little.  Reassuring Billy and herself is exhausting.

 

Adam thinks it’s hilarious that Sage thinks he’s afraid of Nick.  Well, yeah, he was so spooked about seeing him and won’t let her check on him.  DUH!  He’s gone to great lengths to fake his death and make a new identity.  Sage doesn’t get it, it’s HIS BROTHER.  “Doesn’t he love you, or at least like you?”  Does she even know who the Newmans ARE?  He stares at her.  “If you only knew.”  She complains there are a LOT of things she doesn’t know.  Why doesn’t he fill her in?  “Because my past is of no consequence.”  Doesn’t he even CARE if Nick’s okay?  He tells her to let it go.  “There is obviously bad blood here!” says rocket scientist Sage.  “What the hell did he do to you?” 

 

“You wanna know what my perfect brother did?  He did everything RIGHT.  That’s what he did.  He could do NO WRONG.  HE was the guy my father wanted to join the family business.  He BEGGED him to come back, even though he had NO TALENT FOR IT!  Clearly didn’t have the stomach for it, but who cares!”

 

Sage whiny asks what part of that he didn’t like?  “The fact that your dad wanted him to have it, or that he didn’t want any part of it?”  IS SHE BRAIN DAMAGED?  Adam’s wondering the same thing.  “No, I think it’s GREAT, Sage!  It’s wonderful, and I wish them both just the best of luck!!”  If he wants her to keep his secrets, he needs to fill her in.  He shouts at her that relationship questions about his brother are insignificant and counterproductive!  “How do you figure that?” she asks.  Omg, please join your long lost idiot Newman clan. 

 

“Your job—“ She shouts that HER job is to run the house there.  He is not her employer!  He does not TELL HER what her responsibilities are!  “I expect you to do EXACTLY what you’ve agreed to do.  What you’ve chosen to do.  Which is tell me everything I need to know about being Gabriel Bingham.”  Who is NOT Nick’s brother.

 

Phyllis says she hates this feeling.  It was like she was asleep for a few hours and woke up a year later in this extremely strange land.  Kellyland.  Jack says, hey, SOME things haven’t changed.  Everything has changed, Jack.  Even the people she trusted and counted on weren’t honest with her.  He reminds her about the DOCTORS.  “I’m not blaming you for the things you’ve withheld, or being sensitive about how my comeback is affecting other people you care about.”  Jack’s like, uhhh, other people?  Geez, Jack, wake up!  But Phyllis says, like Billy.  Jack almost says Whew! out loud.  She loves how he stands up for him.

 

What if Jack suggests a way she can come back to work--  Billy interrupts!  HEY!  HOW’S THE PROUD PAPA?  Phyllis says he and Victoria must be so excited.  Jack says he didn’t have to come in today!  Well, Vicky’s with the baby, so Billy thought “why not come in for a few hours?”  Pretty much sums up Billy’s work ethic.  Phyllis says he can spend lots of time with his baby girl, because she’s taking her job back!  Billy squints, like, wtf?  Jack looks at her like she’s being very naughty. 

 

Chelsea’s walking…Connor? in park, and they run into Kevin.   She notices he looks happy. Yep, he’s laughing again, and it’s been a while.  Missing people, bleh, she knows how that is.  She says the only thing to do is move forward with your husband’s killer.  He says she’s the best example of how to do it.  So, has he heard that Billy’s the baby daddy?  He’s over the moon for Katherine Rose.  “Wow,” Kevin nods, “Delia’s favorite flower.”  Delia must have been CRAZY for those roses.  Chelsea’s super happy for Billy, and they are FINE, they really are!!  She smiles the Delusional Kelly smile of hope.

 

Billy asks when Jack decided this?  “I didn’t!”  There was NOTHING to decide, says Phyllis.  “R&D was my department.  And it isn’t as if I decided to leave.”  Jack says everyone knows she wasn’t in control of that.  “And I am taking back what was taken from me!” says Phyllis.  Billy’s like, sorry, TAKEN from you??  Jack says Billy did this as a favor to HIM.  Phyllis says then consider the favor fulfilled.  Jack’s like this is a complicated situation.  Phyllis thinks it’s pretty straightforward. 

 

Billy’s like, I didn’t just sit around collecting a paycheck!  I was running all over the world collecting this paycheck.  Jack says Billy’s dedication has been a major asset to Jabot.  I guess you can get away with telling a coma victim this story.  Billy reminds her this is HIS FAMILY’S company.  “And that's why you were tapped to FILL IN,” says Phyllis.  “I was offered the job because I’m GOOD at it,” says Billy, who actually just sold his restaurant, put on a tie, and showed up in Jack’s office and begged.  Phyllis should try crying.  She says that’s why they can find him something else.  Wha?  Billy has DEVELOPED the development!  They argue until Jack whistles for a time out!

 

Noah understands that Nick is upset with Mom.  So, like, what happened to his promises to work with her to do what is BEST for Faith?  Nick says this IS what’s best!  “Taking her away from her mother?  For what?  Payback?”  Nick says he’s not getting back at Sharon, it’s about the best thing for Faith.  Noah’s like, you really believe that??  Nick says this isn’t about him and Sharon except for how it is about her lies and how long those lies dragged on.  Waaah! 

 

“She was sick, Dad.  And she warned you.  How many times did she warn you that she was going to hurt you.”  And she was right, says Nick.  “But YOU were the one that said it didn’t matter.  That you wanted to be with her no matter what.  You loved her that much.”  And that is why this is so hard for Nick to ruin her.  #notsohard  Because he believed Sharon, except not.  How much of this was sickness and how much was just lies that cost him his daughter that he lied about? 

 

Noah says what if was ALL the disease?  Nick stubbornly says then she was unwilling or unable to get the help that she needed.  Except for that brain frying thing.  Noah’s like would you be this way if she had a seizure, or a stroke?  Nick says she went off her meds.  What’s to stop her from doing that again with Faith in the house?   Noah says Sharon’s prepared now, and so are they.  Victor Jr says the time has come when he needs to protect his family.  “That’s what I’m doing.  I’m protecting Faith from her mother.”  Except for when I leave town to go on a bender.

 

Dangerous Sharon is holding and comforting Faith.  She says he’s not trying to punish her.  They may get angry and disagree, but sometimes grownups do that.  Sometimes grownups are really shallow and unforgiving hypocrites.  But they’re still a family!  Mariah walks in and says, yep, she is stuck with them, Squirt!  Faith is overjoyed and hugs her tight.  Mariah reminds her she is watching her today and they are playing dreeeess up!  So go get all the leather and belts and buckles and scarves she can find.  I guess they’re going to dress up like Johnny Depp.  Faith runs off.

 

Sharon says she’s so glad Faith has Mariah.  Instead of that idiot Phyllis spawn trying to ruin her life.  But she doesn’t need Mariah to babysit, she’s going to cancel on her Jabot gig today.  She just doesn’t think she can deal with it.  “Oh, I see,” says Mariah.  “So you WANT Nick to get full custody of Faith.”  Tough love, thy name is Mariah.

 

Jack says yelling isn’t going to accomplish anything.  Surely they can find a mutually agreeable solution.  Billy apologizes for going off on Phyllis.  This job was important because Jack asked him to step up when he had something to prove.  “To Victoria?  After you slept with Kelly?”  Billy resists knocking her down.  He says it’s even more important that he’s not a deadbeat now that the baby is his.  He can be the father that Johnny and Little Katie deserve.  Jack says his ability to be a great father was never in question.  “Just how faithful you can be to the woman you love,” sneers Phyllis.  Billy’s disgusted.  Yeah, that too. 

 

You know what, he’ll step aside for this bitch, whatever.  Coward Jack jumps on that as a possible solution.  So Phyllis gets to head up R&D, and Billy can have… the fashion division.  Billy’s like, fashion?  That thing he knows nothing about?  Has he run that past NEIL?  Oh, it was Neil that brought it to him.  He thinks they should hire someone on a more permanent basis until he can come back, which is kind of the opposite of permanent, but okay.  And Jack said he would do it for the sake of the company.  So why not just give it to your unqualified kid brother, for the sake of the company. 

 

Billy’s like, um, okay.  But what happens if Neil gets better.  Oh, we’ll just make you head of accounting or something.  Does it matter?  Jack admits he didn’t think Billy was the best option.  He had someone else in mind.  Someone with style, and taste, and flair, and tons of energy, but hey, if Phyllis would rather sit at a desk….  “Jack. Do you really think it is that easy to manage me??”

 

Mariah tells Sharon that GC Buzz has the story about how Sharon was there when Phyllis took her nasty tumble down the stairs.  Sharon says that story was lacking facts.  “BUT, it was full of nasty innuendo.  And when you show up at work today, people are going to stare.  People are going to be talking behind your back, especially those air-headed models, no offense to Nick’s daughter.  Well, actually Summer IS pretty offensive.  You know, she thinks that you don’t deserve to raise her little sister.  And right now, you are proving her and Nick right.”  Sharon’s shocked.  That is not true!  “You would let your daughter be taken away from you!  CUT OUT from your life!  Because you don’t want to get your feelings hurt?  You’d rather hole up and lick your wounds?”  Sharon says that’s not what she’s doing.

 

“You fought for me when I didn’t even WANT you to.  You bailed me out, offered me help, when I told you that I hated your guts.  And no matter how much nasty stuff I threw your way, you TOOK IT, Sharon.  You wouldn’t let me chase you away!  If nothing else, I have to respect you for that.  And now…  That little girl up there?  She worships you.  She doesn’t need you to be perfect.  She needs you to show up!  To be her mom!”  Sharon nods silently.

 

Noah asks Nick if he REALLY believes he needs to protect Faith from Mom.  “I defended Sharon, to your grandpa and everyone else.  Told them they were wrong about her.  But *I* was the one who was wrong, the whole time.”  So, it’s about you.  Or maybe, Nick, everything isn’t black and white and you idealize and devalue people like an idiot.  Noah is pained.  “Dad, please don’t do this.  I’ve seen how Mom is suffering.”  He and Mariah had Thanksgiving with her, because they, you know, LOVE her.   “Look, I was hoping that you going off into the woods, that maybe you’d gain some perspective.” 

 

Nick chuckles.  He was trippin’ balls, man.  He had this strange dream, all his different relationships that had gone wrong.  What became clear was the part HE played.  And the part Nick played, was that he believed unworthy women.  It’s clear that this is Nick’s fault too…for believing Sharon.  My stomach literally turned at this fictional character.  Noah is kind of at a loss for words.   “…and then you walked into a bear trap.”  Unfortunately it didn’t close on his head. 

 

“How did that woman even get you out?”  Nick vaguely remembers some guy maybe being there, too, which is likely since he was in a BEAR TRAP.  But he remembers the woman for sure.  “The angel of mercy,” says Noah.  She took off before he could get her name.  He needs to find her!  So the perspective Nick gained is that he should pursue the next woman he laid eyes on.  Cuz she’s an angel and all.  Noah says get some sleep first, and think.  “You have more important things to worry about.”  You fucking manchild.  Noah leaves. 

 

Adam’s packing a duffel bag.  Sage comes in.  Constance is asking for him, she’s having a bad day.  “You’ll have to come up with some excuse for why I’m not available today.  I’m not doing that.”  She asks where he’s going.  He says his brother the do-gooder is going to call the cops.  Sage thinks that’s silly.  About a bear trap?  That has nothing to do with them.  No, they’re going to come and nose around and ask questions.  “Are you afraid of a couple questions?”  Hmm, questions like who are you?  It’s too big a risk.  “So you’re just gonna GO?”  She looks kind of like an annoying Sheryl Crow.  Adam says it’s time.

 

Sharon took Mariah’s talk to heart.  She comes down in a snazzy dress, if it were JULY, but she looks cute.  She’s putting her game face on!  She thanks Mariah for what she said earlier.  Noah comes in.  “Wow, nicely done, Mom!”  He wants to let her know Dad’s back.  Mariah thinks it would have been nice of him to call her himself!  Well, he was in the hospital.  Oh noes!  Noah says he’s okay.  He’s been released.  He got snagged in a bear trap.  Omg, cries Sharon.  Mariah laughs.  “Who does that?”  Noah just wanted to let her know why Dad didn’t call.  He hopes the trip gives him some perspective.  Sharon asks if he thinks he’ll give up this custody fight.  Noah hopes it doesn’t come to that.  Sharon wants to know what he said exactly.   Ooo, no ya don’t.  Mariah prods her to get to Jabot.  She rushes off.

 

Mariah tells Noah she walked in on Sharon explaining to Faith why her Dad is being such a jerk.  Noah TRIED to get through to his dad, but he thinks that’s what’s best for Faith.  “That’s what’s best??  Taking her away from her mom?!”  Noah feels the same way she does.  How is some nasty custody battle gonna help Faith?  “We’re gonna have to help our sister get through this,” says Mariah.  “Yeah, we are,” says Noah.  They have a moment.  Awww.

 

Jack asks if Billy will give them a minute.   GLAD TO.  He leaves.  “I wasn’t managing you.”  Phyllis mocks him saying he wants her in fashion because of her energy and style.  “And that’s a bad thing because??”  Phyllis says he didn’t present it to her as an option, he tried to MANIPULATE her.  How is that honest??  Is this for real?  Jack says there are certain things he can’t say in front of Billy.  Like if he makes him the head of fashion, he and Chelsea might not make it.  And Chelsea’s designs for Jabot are a big money maker!  Omg, Phyllis missed the most amazingest fashion show OF ALL TIME, so she probably doesn’t realize this.  “A messy breakup would be bad for business,” says Phyllis.  Exactly.  This is about INTANGIBLES, like banging people at work. 

 

Phyllis..just wants…  She wanted one thing to be the way it was.  “You have me,” says Jack.  She gets emotional.  “Why fashion?”  Jack says losing Neil was a big loss for him.  And he NEEDS her there!  And he loves her.  And he wants her work to be EXCITING.  And INSPIRATIONAL.  This is a lot more high profile than R&D.  Does she want to stay in the background when she could be front and center?  Calling the shots?  Setting the style?!  “My God, you know me,” she says.  “Honey, if you thought I was a bitch before this, you haven’t seen anything yet.”  Fun.  Say hello to your new head of fashion, The Bitch.  They kiss!

 

Chelsea tells Kevin she and Billy have been completely honest with each other.  And yes, this opens an emotional minefield for them, but think about it, Billy and Chloe were able to raise a child together WHILE he was with Victoria.  That turned out GREAT.  So this will be the same, great coparenting thing.  Kevin just stares.  Okay, well Merry Christmas then.  She walks away.  Kevin says to himself the difference is, Billy and Victoria still love each other.  Gutter love never dies.

 

Sage says Adam can’t just walk out like this!  He says they knew this day would come.  “With no warning?  We need more time!”  Adam’s given up enough time.  Seeing his brother made him realize that.  He needs to see his family.  “You’re not ready!” cries Sage.  Adam says she’s taught him everything he needs to know about being Gabriel Bingham.  Incredibly charming, loves spinach.  What about Constance?  Is he just going to abandon her?  He doesn’t care.  “Tell that old bat her grandson decided to join the 21st century.  I’m sure she’ll understand!”  This time Sage grabs HIS arm.  “We had a deal, Adam Newman.”

 

Jack and Phyllis kiss.  He cannot wait to hear all her great ideas!  But he has to get to a meeting.  Phyllis is going to get started on her comeback!  Sharon comes clicking in.  <record scratch>  “Sharon.  What are you doing here?”  Sharon says, “IIII work here.  I was brought on as representative and liaison to the models, and there’s a shoot today.”  In fact, this job saved your pathetic daughter’s life.  “Oh.  Okaaay.  Then you can turn around and walk back out that door.  You’re fired!”

 

Kevin stops by the cottage to see Mariah.  “Christmas magic.  I thought you could use some.”  He pulls out a little Christmas tree he bought.  She giggles with delight.

 

Billy shows up at Chelsea’s with a tree, too!  It’s their first Christmas together!  Chelsea laughs..because…there’s already a tree up in the corner.  First Christmas mixup!  They laugh and kiss.

 

Brooding Nick is not getting some sleep or thinking.  He is hobbling around the castle on his crutches.  Is this a service entrance, because for the Grand Cathedral, that’s a pretty lame entry.  Sage is inside barking at Adam.  She only went along with this plan because she didn’t think Constance could stand losing her grandson!  Gabriel means everything in the world to her!  So I guess he can never ever ever leave the house. 

 

“I am NOT Gabriel Bingham, okay?  I never was, and I never will be.  And I never agreed to stay in this musty old house and take care of a sick old lady for the rest of my life!”  “If it were not for that sick old lady I would have turned you into the police a long time ago!”  So that’s it, huh?  He leaves, and she turns him in?  “What other choice do I have?”  Skype?  So if he leaves, she turns him in, and because of her sloppiness he’s in trouble anyway.  “My sloppiness??  That is not true!”  Her sloppiness is on the doorstep.  He rings the bell.

[Blueeyes]

Peach.......just want you to know how much I enjoy your recaps. 

[glowlights]

And Michael had a great line and observation (thanks Peach): “I am certain, that in spite of your unabashed narcissism, you will find a place in your dark, cold, little heart to put Jack’s pain above your jealousy.”

 

That was delightful! Had to rewind and watch it twice. :)  More of this, dear writers, please. More.

 

Every time Adam/Gabriel's weird pretend grandmother wheels onto the set I think of this:

 

[NinjaPenguins]

 

“It wouldn’t surprise me if my father hired a troubadour to write a folk song about The Day Nick Was Rescued From The Bear Trap.”

Damn, this is beautiful. I want a needlepoint of this to put on my wall.

 

I don't know how you do it, peach. Each recap is better than the last. You truly capture the essence of these characters.

[glowlights]

double post - sorry

Edited December 7, 2014 by glowlights

[Petunia13]

I can't stand Sage either.

[peach]

Damn, this is beautiful. I want a needlepoint of this to put on my wall.

 

I don't know how you do it, peach. Each recap is better than the last. You truly capture the essence of these characters.

Thanks, NP!  And everyone, for your nice compliments!  I have to say, NP, that I stand in awe of your ability to insult these characters.  I bow to your wit and turn of a phrase.

 

As for Adam's line, goodness, people, you really should watch on Adam days.  His DELIVERY of that was freaking priceless!  I really did LOL and hard.  It's almost as if Justin Hartley was actually a fan of this show and really feels this much frustration and contempt with these ASSHOLES.  Keep bringing it, Justin Hartley!  You are killing me over here.  And he's hot.  Joe, OTOH, is almost unreal looking.  Like, it would be hard to form a thought while looking at that guy. 

 

Anyway, now I'm sad that Chuck Pratt is coming to blow everything up.  After enduring that long year, when it seemed like the whole SHOW was in a coma, and they meandered around after losing three major characters, and forced the music box madness upon us, and The Winters were pulling us all down in the quicksand of their boringness...it's finally getting good again.  Adam, Phyllis, Joe, and Mariah are making this show FUN to watch.  It STILL pisses me off, don't get me wrong, but at least they put some people on the canvas that also seem to be pissed off.

[MollyB]

Shout out to MS:  “Let’s face it, Jack, life went on without me.

 

Hallucinating drunk and walks into a bear trap = Father of the Year!

 

I want to see Mariah (Most Inspirational Powers), Phyliss (Limitless Drug Powers),  Adambrial (Shortest Route to Pure Sense Powers) and Noah (Jesus) join forces and become the Disinherited Mutant League and just wreak havoc on GC.  And Kevin could be the Doctor who keeps their powers in check.

 

I didn't watch this episode but I'm loving Adam-and glad, Peach, that you got to experience what the rest of us do everytime you recap.("Omg, that made me laugh so hard I had trouble typing.")

 

Apparently, the lunatic (per Sage) who put the old, rusty bear trap in the woods went out and oiled it everyday so drunken daddy could step in it, Noah.

 

 

[NinjaPenguins]

 

I have to say, NP, that I stand in awe of your ability to insult these characters.  I bow to your wit and turn of a phrase.

I suck at taking compliments, so I will just say thanks and that these characters make it so damn easy. I do fear that with Nick getting exponentially more dumb and hateful, the insult well will quickly run dry.

 

 

Unfortunately it didn’t close on his head.

I'm still giggling like a fool over this. Excellent comic timing.

[peach]

It wouldn't have mattered anyway.  Victor would have had the head re-attached in a precedent setting two day operation.

 

Performed by Stitch.

[Snaporaz]

 

Kevin tells Mariah she “doesn’t want to do that.”  She can take a coffee break if she wants, and if he keeps looking at her like that, she’s going to make him PAY for his coffee.  He doesn’t back down.   Okay, fine, what is it she doesn’t want to do?  “You don’t want to start a war with Summer.”  Over Austin??  He’s married!!  Nooo, over the custody issue of her own sister.

 

“I CAN’T help it, Kevin.  She keeps getting in my face and trashing Sharon.  And then praising Nick who, btw, isn’t all that.”  Isn’t all that what?  “All that great at the dad thing.”  Kevin’s like come on, Nick’s a GREAT dad.  Mariah admits that, but says he’s no greater than Sharon as a parent TO FAITH, which is the whole point.

I just posted in the main thread about how much it bothered me that Mariah conceded that.  She, of all people, seems like the type to go in 100% with anything she believes in, so it just seemed so forced because NOTHING NEGATIVE CAN EVER BE SAID ABOUT NICHOLAS NEWMAN. 

Gods, how can a work of fiction, and a bad one at that, raise my blood pressure so much?

[NinjaPenguins]

For me, it's because I have such fond memories of watching this from a young age with my grandmother and mother. How I loved hearing grandma hiss "that bastard!" at Victor in her french accent. It's easy to romanticize the past, but I really do believe the writing used to be better with the characters behaving in a consistent way. Now I feel like my intelligence is being insulted on a daily basis. Characters have to act like complete morons for the clunky plots to stumble forward. New characters are embarrassing. Let's take Kelly for instance.

 

Stitch: Dad used to beat Mom like a rented mule until she finally snapped and killed him.

Kelly: NO! NO! Daddy was never abusive! I WOULD HAVE KNOWN!

Stitch: Seriously, sis.

Kelly: Okay then.

 

Jack: Remember all the times you caught me mooning over Phyllis and sniffing her perfume? And how, like, she wasn't dead so there was always a chance she'd wake up?

Kelly: FRAUD! LIAR! Who is this Phyllis person? TRICKERY!

Jack: I'm sorry I hurt you, but I'm pretty sure you knew -

Kelly: Would you like chicken or fish at the reception?

 

Also, being a woman, I'm not really entertained by women being treated like garbage. A character like Nick thinks vaginas are the bane of his existence and the source of all the wickedness that befalls his dumb ass. Not cool.

[glowlights]

Anyway, now I'm sad that Chuck Pratt is coming to blow everything up.  After enduring that long year, when it seemed like the whole SHOW was in a coma, and they meandered around after losing three major characters, and forced the music box madness upon us, and The Winters were pulling us all down in the quicksand of their boringness...it's finally getting good again. 

 

Speaking of which... was the music box mystery solved? I mean are we (please please) done with it and I've already forgotten or is that sl still lurking in the shadows? I live in fear.

[movinon]

For me, it's because I have such fond memories of watching this from a young age with my grandmother and mother. How I loved hearing grandma hiss "that bastard!" at Victor in her french accent. It's easy to romanticize the past, but I really do believe the writing used to be better with the characters behaving in a consistent way. Now I feel like my intelligence is being insulted on a daily basis. Characters have to act like complete morons for the clunky plots to stumble forward. New characters are embarrassing. Let's take Kelly for instance.

 

Stitch: Dad used to beat Mom like a rented mule until she finally snapped and killed him.

Kelly: NO! NO! Daddy was never abusive! I WOULD HAVE KNOWN!

Stitch: Seriously, sis.

Kelly: Okay then.

 

Jack: Remember all the times you caught me mooning over Phyllis and sniffing her perfume? And how, like, she wasn't dead so there was always a chance she'd wake up?

Kelly: FRAUD! LIAR! Who is this Phyllis person? TRICKERY!

Jack: I'm sorry I hurt you, but I'm pretty sure you knew -

Kelly: Would you like chicken or fish at the reception?

 

Also, being a woman, I'm not really entertained by women being treated like garbage. A character like Nick thinks vaginas are the bane of his existence and the source of all the wickedness that befalls his dumb ass. Not cool.

This has got to be one of the funniest things I ever read.  No offense, Peach - you are fantastic.  I have to say the "rented mule" left me limp from laughing.  All you guys are really on something tonight.  Glad I decided to check back in before crashing.  I'm not sure what I did for entertainment before I found this site.  Love this board and all you people!!!

[peach]

Fri, Dec 5   It’s 5:00 Somewhere

 

Crippled billionaire Constance answers her own castle door in her wheelchair.  Nick asks if she’s the lady of the house.  She is indeed.  He’s looking for a woman who may have saved his life.  Do you have any angels of mercy hanging about?  He got himself in some trouble all drunk in the woods, and this woman called for help.  Since this is the only castle in the neighborhood, he thought she might live here.

 

Adam tells Sage to go see who’s at the door.  She’s not going anywhere til they settle this!  “You’re idea of ‘settling this’ is keeping me here against my will!”  Sage says she kept his secret, and found a brilliant reconstructive surgeon that could keep his mouth SHUT.  Somehow, I think brilliant reconstructive surgeons are used to that. 

 

“Thanks to me keeping my end of the deal, the world will believe that YOU are Gabriel Bingham.  And I did that to spare Constance the pain of losing her grandson. “ And Gabriel’s not bad to look at.  “If you abandon that sweet woman, I’m going right to the police and telling them Adam Newman is alive and well.  And you’ll spend the rest of your life you owe to Constance rotting in prison.”  As if.  I hear Argentina’s nice this time of year.

 

Avery’s doing paperwork at The Underground.  Sure, why not.  Someone brings her a drink she didn’t order.  It’s Joe!  They’re loosening up the slicked back gangster hair thing.  “Your favorite cocktail.  I figure it’s 5:00 somewhere,”  he says.  On this show it could be any time of any day for any character in any scene.   So yeah, it probably is 5:00 somewhere in GC.   Which means it’s always okay to drink while you watch this show.  If you were, uh, so inclined. 

 

Avery informs him that’s NOT her favorite anymore.  Nyah.  Okay,  consider it a peace offering anyway.  But he’ll leave.  He turns away.  Avery feels a pang of guilt because of course.  “Joe…wait.”  He turns back just like he expected to.

 

Queen Mother Victoria is carrying her baby around.  Stitch calls from LAB ONE and leaves her a message.  He’d like to stop by and visit her and the baby after work.  He’d like to catch up with her.  Wow, calling first?   He’s really turned over a new leaf.  Ashley and Abby come rushing in.  They got his text!!  Here they are!!  Like this is an emergency.  “Brace yourselves, because I have some major news.”  I guess the perfume doesn’t stink anymore.

 

Billy and Chelsea laugh at their two tree mixup.  Billy’s tree is way smaller, so he suggests they could put in the bedroom…so Santa can unwrap a present up there?  Hmm? Hmm?  Chelsea laughs but says they really don’t need TWO trees, so why doesn’t he find someone else who needs a tree.  Omg, Chelsea.  Rookie mistake.  She has to leave. She gets in the hallway and calls somebody.  She needs to meet them at the club right away!  Instead of blinding Billy to Victoria with sex in the bedroom.

 

Stitch couldn’t sleep so he came in at 5:00 A.M. and got to work on the breakthrough!  “Well, I did it.  We’re there.”  What is he saying??  He altered the scent??!  EVEN BETTER!  He obliterated it!  It smells like nothing, and now they can start with a blank canvas.  OOOMMMGGG!  Someone call the Nobel committee!  In case you aren’t sure, Abby asks “So are you saying the love potion doesn’t stink anymore?!”  That’s it. 

 

They sniff it up, and by golly, he’s neutralized it.  Umm, are they all gonna start making out?  Ashley sticks with a hug.  Now they can have fun making it smell enticing.  Abby stares with new respect.  “Congratulations, Stitch.”  Eliminating pesky odors AND not murdering people.  He’s a keeper.  There’s a hitch, he’s not sure if it’s quite as powerful, so it might be a lot harder to rape people now.  They’ll have to go over the chemical analysis.  “In the meantime, CHAMPAGNE!!” cries Ashley.  Bubbly!!  Abby’s in!

 

But Stitch will have to pass.  It’s been a long day, and he wants to go see Victoria.  They’re like…oh.  He takes it they know Billy is Katie’s dad.  Of course, they’re her aunts.  Abby says it’s 800 lb gorilla in the room time!  What?  Nick’s at the castle.  “Stitch, I know the truth that you didn’t murder your father.  And I treated you like something I scraped off the bottom of my expensive shoe, and you never deserved that.  I’m really sorry.”  Apology accepted. 

 

“But—“  Heeeere we go, says Stitch.  “If you think that your story is going to change things with Victoria, you’re wrong.  The baby is Billy’s.  They were a family before, and they’re an even bigger family now.”  Stitch appreciates her fair warning, but he needs to talk to Victoria.  Because as far as HE knows, the future is wide open.  Also, this is nunya business.

 

Gosh, I wonder where Billy took his extra Christmas tree?   Victoria’s house?   It just so happens she needs a Christmas tree!  He thought he’d bring it by for her and Johnny, and Little Katie since it’s her first Christmas.  Christmas Magic!

 

Nick is relishing telling Constance about his bear trap brush with death.  This is stuff the troubadour could really use.   The pain was like nothing he’s ever experienced.  He kept passing out from the loss of blood.  Oh, and all that whiskey.  “It’s a wonder you weren’t killed!” says Constance.  He may have been, but for the woman who promised to help him.  The ambulance came, and she took off before he could get her name.  Well, what’s HIS name?  “My name is Nick Newman.”  Gasp!  Did he say…Newman?  As in Victor Newman?  Yes ma’am, that’s his father.  Hmm, can’t help you.   No one there fits the description. Kthanxbye!  She closes the door in his face. 

 

Adam can talk even faster than Chelsea.  “If you go to the police, you’re going to be sending Constance to her grave.  She’s going to find out that not only her grandson is dead, but her beloved Sage has been LYING to her for months.”  Sage says go ahead, they’ll be just fine!  Just fine?  What, is she gonna tell the police she’s been harboring a wanted man for nearly a year?  That she helped him create a fake identity?  “Yeah, you DO that.  That’s a good idea.  And you can find yourself in a prison cell along with me.” 

 

“YOU SONOFABITCH!  You CANNOT leave here!  We had a deal!”  I don’t think Sage has heard that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.  Or constant shrieking.  “I DON’T TAKE ORDERS FROM YOU!” shouts Adam. They’ve screamed so loud even Constance heard them.  She moans and groans her way in the room.  Times must be tough for the Binghams, because she can’t afford a butler OR an electric wheelchair.  She says there was a man at the door.  Sage apologizes for not answering it.  Constance anxiously says she handled it.  Adam looks suspicious. 

 

Avery apologizes to Joe for suggesting he threw a brick through the window.  That was all Paul’s idea. “I know you, and I know you would never do anything violent like that.”  He appreciates that.  The last thing he wants is to be viewed as the enemy in her eyes.   She doesn’t want to see him like that either.  She hates that this real estate deal is so contentious!  “Well, that makes two of us,” he says all soft and bedroomy.  “But you’re going to keep fighting for your project!” cries Avery.  Duh.  And she’s going to keep fighting against it.  Avery doesn’t know how to fight that logic. 

 

She finally says he has to accept there are some personal challenges he cannot win.  Ooo, he likes that.  “Is that a challenge?” he asks with a crooked grin.  “Joe, I need you to respect me, and where I’m at in my life with that guy I cheated on you with.  Like you and I always respected each other in the past, while I cheated on you with that guy.”  Respectfully. 

 

He knows they don’t always see eye to eye on things, like whom she should be sleeping with, but he’s always wanted what’s best for her.  “Well, can you keep that in mind moving forward?” she asks all misty like.  He’ll do his best.  Dylan has walked in to witness this unapproved moment.  Avery tells him she was just telling Joe they don’t think he throws bricks.  Joe’s sorry to hear about his shop, he hopes they find out who did it.  Dylan hopes so, too. 

 

OMG, NICK IS HERE ON CRUTCHES!  Avery’s been so worried!  Nick says it’s been a long story.  He introduces himself to Joe, with an alpha male glare right off the bat.  “Nick Newman, I own the place.”  Joe shakes his hand.  HARD, I hope.  “Joe Clark, pleasure,” he says in his Puddy voice.  Nick glares some more.  “Ah, Avery’s ex,” says Avery’s ex.  “The dude trying to tear down the warehouse district .”  “So I take it you’re in favor,” says Joe.  Adamantly opposed, actually, just like Dylan and Avery.  

 

Joe smirky smiles.  “You can’t win’em all.”  #winning   Not if Nick Newman has anything to say about it.  Joe shakes in his Tom Ford shoes about going to war with the barista and bartender dynamic duo.  “Nice to meet you,” douchebag.  Joe leaves.  Nick says he’s a slick operator, and NOT the kind of guy he expected you to be married to, young lady. 

 

Avery just wants to know where he was.  He missed the super important custody talk!  Yeah, well he got home to a letter from David Sherman about Sharon’s countersuit.  “David Sherman?” asks Dylan.  “That’s the lawyer that ripped Nikki apart in court.  I mean, Sharon must feel pretty threatened to hire that guy.”  Uh, yeah, they’re going to take her daughter away.  Nick says he’s GOTTA protect Faith! 

 

Dylan says he’s not taking sides.  Avery says they’re ALL on Faith’s side.  Dylan hates that NICK has go through this.  “Trust me, I hate it more.”  It’s so bloody hard on Nick to take his kid away from her mom.  “You told me going after full custody could get ugly, but with David Sherman involved, it got a whole lot harder.”  WAAAH!!!  Why won’t Sharon just lay down and die?  WAAH!!   Avery can handle David Sherman.  Okay, but every time poor Nick thinks he’s getting his difficult life together, he turns the corner and there’s some ugly surprise waiting for him.  Those are just mirrors, Nick.

 

Adam asks Constance who was at the door?  Oh, some man selling something.  SELLING LIES!!!  She sent him away.  Adam worries.  Is she sure there isn’t more to it than that?  She changes the subject.  “Gabriel!  Your bag!  What is going on?!”  Sage stares.  Um, Gabriel thought he would leave for a while.  He’s all cooped up, he’s sure she can understand that?  “I won’t hear of it!” she wails.  He’s still recovering, he’s not ready!  Gabriel feels GREAT!  He IS ready!  “Fine, then I’M not ready.  I..can’t…let you go just yet.  Please! Promise me you’ll stay!”  Omg, can’t he at least take a run to Subway?  Maybe catch Mockingjay?  What is wrong with this lady?

 

Chelsea meets JEFFREY at the club.  Okay, Buttercup, he dropped everything to meet her, what’s up?  She passes him an envelope full of enough cash to make him gasp.  “What a nice surprise!”  She offered to pay him to drop the lawsuit.  This is just half!  He gets the other half when he tells the hospital Stitch Rayburn did not commit malpractice.  Do they have a deal? 

 

Ashley wants to read Ben’s report, so Abby can leave.  Abby feels like she’s mad at her.  She’s a little disappointed Abby was so blunt with him.   Was it necessary to tell him he has zero chance with Victoria?  “Am I wrong??” says Abby.  Probably not,  but does she honestly have to be so unequivocal?  Blah blah Stitch is having a hard time.  Abby says she’s doing him a favor.  The man needs to OPEN his eyes and stop dreaming about a future that is never going to happen.  “Why not let him dream?” asks Ashley. 

 

Billy plays house with Victoria and is putting up the tree that grew about four feet in the last 15 minutes.   Vicky’s going through ornaments.  Billy plans on tormenting Katie by blathering nonstop about lights.  They get all verklempt about DeeDee’s special ornament.  Vicky says he should take it home and put it on his own tree.  They hug.  Stitch has come for his visit, and sees them through the window.

 

Abby meets a nerdy chemist named Tobias.  He is THRILLED to be working for Abby and Ashley.  I bet. His first order of business is to track down French wholesale orders.  Bon chance!  Abby says Aunt Traci wants to do a single ladies Christmas shopping thing this weekend.  “How is it possible that three women as fabulous as us have no one to kiss under the mistletoe this year?”  Ashley remembers that Abby was supposed to be married by now.  Is she doing okay.  Yeah, it’s all good.  Blah blah independent strong blah.

 

Chelsea can see Jeffrey doing the math in his head, wondering if he can get more money from the suit.  He says it’s for millions.  She says he could end up with NOTHING, instead of TWO envelopes full of cash.  Stitch has suffered enough.  Dropping this lawsuit is just the right thing to do.

 

Jeffrey chuckles.  He knows she’s NOT doing this out of the goodness of her heart.  “WHY I’m doing it doesn’t matter,” snaps Chelsea.  “It doesn’t affect the number of zeroes in the payout.”  Jeffrey says just admit it.  She wants to clear the path between Victoria and that fake doctor, so she can have Billy all to herself.   He says that like it’s a bad thing.

 

Billy talks about how lost he was last year.  Without Delia, how could there even BE Christmas.  Blah blah blah.  He really wanted to make it work out so bad, even though he made everything worse.  She told him he didn’t’ have to apologize anymore.  “Look, we may not be together anymore, but I feel like we’re both in a better place this year.”  Blaaaah blaaaah.  She’s glad they feel like friends again.  They hold hands and stare at the baby.

 

Nick brags on the baby.  A toast to Katie.  Stitch walks in.  Awk-ward.  He says he’s as happy as anyone that Vicky and the baby are healthy.  Nick says it must be hard hearing the baby wasn’t his, but he’s glad the truth finally came out, because Nick LOVES THE TRUTH ABOUT DEM BABIES.  Stitch says it’s been a long time coming. 

 

Avery takes Nick away.  Dylan hopes Stitch doesn’t think he’s being disloyal.  Not at all, she’s his niece.  He still loves Victoria, but he thinks she and Billy are already back together.  He saw them all together like a family.  He laughs sadly. He didn’t really believe it was going to happen.   And Stitch is too good a guy to really break it up, either, IMO.  Let’s drink.

 

Avery and Nick agree to meet tomorrow so they can get that kid away from her mom!  Yay!  Nick hobbles away.  She notices Joe again and goes over to talk to him for no reason except his smoldering hotness.  She’s glad he and Dylan could be civil. He says he really doesn’t want to cause any trouble for them other than putting Dylan out of business.  It seems she didn’t show Dylan the lovely Thanksgiving text Joe sent her.  “Is there a reason you’re finding it difficult to be honest?” he asks.  ABSOLUTELY NOT!  It’s sure not because Dylan’s a violent hothead!  She runs away. 

 

Dylan gets off the phone and says they’re going to have lots of people at their little Save The Warehouse rally.  And why was she talking to Joe?  Oh, um, he sent her a Happy Thanksgiving text, and she’s telling him about it…now.  Dylan stares daggers at Joe.  He looks back at him like, suck it, McAvoy.

 

They walk back to Joe’s table.  “What can I do for ya, Dyl?”  There’s just something he needs to say.  Blah civil blah for Avery.  She goes to get her stuff.  Joe really watches her walk away.  “I said that for her,” snaps Dylan.   Duh.  “She’s not your wife anymore.  She’s not your friend.  She’s your PAST.  No more texts, no more phone calls, no more surprise visits, or things are gonna get a lot less civil.”  Joe’s like, cool story, bro.  They leave.

 

Chelsea is TOTALLY secure in her relationship with Billy!  Getting him to drop the lawsuit is a different matter!  Jeffrey laughs.  Come on, she can be straight with him!  Chelsea leans forward.   “Can’t you just do this ONE thing for me?”  He puts the money in his jacket.  “Never walk away from a good score.”  Does that mean he’ll drop it?  “I’ll take care of it, Peaches.”  He pats her hand. 

 

Stitch is slamming his drink.  Abby walks in.  Why isn’t he with Victoria?!  “You told me to stay away, remember?”  Since when does he listen to her?  “I DON’T!”  He just had a change of plans, which is to get drunk and grouchy in this bar.  Abby quicksteps it away from him, and runs up to Nick.  Why didn’t he tell the family he was in the hospital?  Because he was embarrassed to admit he walked into a bear trap.  Abby laughs.  She thought Noah was JOKING. 

 

It was horrible, blah blah freezing bleeding blah.  Some woman found him and called for help.  There might have been some guy who looked kinda familiar, but then again, he saw a lot of familiar people that night.  But this woman, he’s got to track her down.  He’s not going to stop until he finds her!  He has an empty pedestal at home!

 

Sage brings Constance tea.  Adam’s like how about I go for just one night.  That’s a bit more bearable, but she still doesn’t want him going alone.  In case something would happen.  What could possibly happen?!  “You’re still recuperating.  Bring Sage with you!  Like you used to do!”  Sage would happily dog Adam for her.  Adam smiles while thinking about punching them both in the throat.  That just sounds wonderful.  Just get him the hell out of this house.  She’ll see him tomorrow.  Adam rolls his eyes all the way back in his head.

 

He hopes Sage is happy.  He figures this can be a recon mission and test out his new face.  So, about those trips she used to take with Gabriel…?  She went along to keep him out of trouble, like…a companion.  Adam ignores the obvious and says he doesn’t need her nipping at his heels every step of the way.  Blah argue blah. Pack a bag and get ready, dammit.  He wants to get home to Genoa City.

 

Seeing Joe was quite an aphrodisiac, and Dylan and Avery are ripping their clothes off. 

 

Tobias the nerd meets with Ashley and learns how the new fragrance is going to disrupt the industry.  They’re not sure if the new formula will change the effectiveness.  Tobias asks what that means.  Ashley has a flashback to how the fragrance made Stitch slobber all over her.   Mmmm, thinks Ashley.  Blah blah.  Tobias leaves.  Ashley considers the odorless blue fragrance in the lab and gets a twinkle in her eye.  Date rape, anyone?

 

Stitch is getting plastered.  He sees Jeffrey.  “Thanss again for tryin to ruin my life!  Not that I wasn’t already doing a good job of that on my own.”  Jeffrey tells him to relax, it’s all going to be okay.  Oh, yeah, well if he isn’t a doc, but just some guy off the street, then he never really took an oath to do no harm!  He’s about to beat the crap out of Jeffrey, but Hero Nick has crutched over in time to stop him, with Abby trailing behind. 

 

“I know you’re in a bad place, but you don’t want to do this!”  Nick has to hold him back!  “Easy, bub.  I WAS gonna drop that lawsuit against you, but now I’m not so sure,” says Jeffrey before walking away.  Nick tells Stitch to get it together.  Abby’s concerned.  “Let’s get you home, okay?  Things always look worse when you’ve been drinking.”  He says they won’t look any better when he’s sober.

 

Billy and Victoria are some crack decorators and their department store tree is finished.  Billy holds the baby.  Does Katherine Rose think they did a good job?  Blah blah BLAH.  “We got our miracle, Billy.”  Although the circumstances weren’t what they expected.  Laying on the feelz.

 

Billy puts the star on top of the tree.  He wants to change diapers, too.  He takes the baby upstairs, and Vicky finally realizes she has a voicemail from Ben.  “I wonder why he never showed?”  She's just not getting enough attention today!

 

Apparently, Stitch didn’t take Abby up on the advice of going home, because he just stumbled into the lab…and falls down.  Ashley rushes to his side.

 

Dylan and Avery have pillow talk.  He thinks this is a lot better than hanging out with her ex-husband and ex-fiance.   She agrees that was weird.  She goes to get some wine, and he looks in the nightstand at an ENGAGEMENT RING.  Guess it’s time to lock this shit down, with Joe sniffing around.  He hides it before Avery returns.

 

Joe’s walking through the bar, and he notices that Avery left her pen behind.  Oh noes!  Not her pen!!!   He better return it ASAP.  Lawyers can’t write without pens!

 

Abby tells Nick that Stitch is not her favorite, but she feels bad for the guy.  #totallyherfavorite   She’s never seen him in such bad shape.  Nick blames women.  “If I were in his shoes, I’d be drunk, too,” says Abby.  It’s not like he has some wonderful, supportive family like THEY do.  The Newmans may be dysfunctional, but they always have each other’s back, especially when it comes to stealing kids from non-Newman parents.  Nick is really going to need her support to get through the next few months because women.  “You can knock a Newman down,” says Abby, “but he’ll always get back up.”  And stab you in the back.

 

Adam is back!  He walks in the lobby of the GCAC, and of course, the first person he lays eyes on..is Chelsea.  He’s so happy to see her, you guys!  He stares while she looks at her phone and thinks about Billy.  She glances up..and he catches her eye.  It’s A Connection!!

Edited December 7, 2014 by peach

[movinon]

 

“Joe, I need you to respect me, and where I’m at in my life with that guy I cheated on you with.  Like you and I always respected each other in the past, while I cheated on you with that guy.”  Respectfully.

This woman has got to the every man's nightmare (and Nick's dream) - cupcakes, big tits, and nothing between the ears.  Everything she says comes off sounding stupid.  Why is Joe even talking to her?  Even poor wooden Dylan deserves better than this.  Yep - I think she belongs with Nick forever and ever.

[Petunia13]

I'm glad you mentioned the engagement ring in your recap. I missed it as I was Icked Out by their lackluster sex scene. Talk about a blah couple.

[Slowpokey]

Fri, Dec 5   It’s 5:00 Somewhere

 

Crippled billionaire Constance answers her own castle door in her wheelchair.  Nick asks if she’s the lady of the house.  She is indeed.  He’s looking for a woman who may have saved his life.  Do you have any angels of mercy hanging about?  He got himself in some trouble all drunk in the woods, and this woman called for help.  Since this is the only castle in the neighborhood, he thought she might live here.

 

Adam tells Sage to go see who’s at the door.  She’s not going anywhere til they settle this!  “You’re idea of ‘settling this’ is keeping me here against my will!”  Sage says she kept his secret, and found a brilliant reconstructive surgeon that could keep his mouth SHUT.  Somehow, I think brilliant reconstructive surgeons are used to that. 

 

“Thanks to me keeping my end of the deal, the world will believe that YOU are Gabriel Bingham.  And I did that to spare Constance the pain of losing her grandson. “ And Gabriel’s not bad to look at.  “If you abandon that sweet woman, I’m going right to the police and telling them Adam Newman is alive and well.  And you’ll spend the rest of your life you owe to Constance rotting in prison.”  As if.  I hear Argentina’s nice this time of year.

 

Avery’s doing paperwork at The Underground.  Sure, why not.  Someone brings her a drink she didn’t order.  It’s Joe!  They’re loosening up the slicked back gangster hair thing.  “Your favorite cocktail.  I figure it’s 5:00 somewhere,”  he says.  On this show it could be any time of any day for any character in any scene.   So yeah, it probably is 5:00 somewhere in GC.   Which means it’s always okay to drink while you watch this show.  If you were, uh, so inclined. 

 

Avery informs him that’s NOT her favorite anymore.  Nyah.  Okay,  consider it a peace offering anyway.  But he’ll leave.  He turns away.  Avery feels a pang of guilt because of course.  “Joe…wait.”  He turns back just like he expected to.

 

Queen Mother Victoria is carrying her baby around.  Stitch calls from LAB ONE and leaves her a message.  He’d like to stop by and visit her and the baby after work.  He’d like to catch up with her.  Wow, calling first?   He’s really turned over a new leaf.  Ashley and Abby come rushing in.  They got his text!!  Here they are!!  Like this is an emergency.  “Brace yourselves, because I have some major news.”  I guess the perfume doesn’t stink anymore.

 

Billy and Chelsea laugh at their two tree mixup.  Billy’s tree is way smaller, so he suggests they could put in the bedroom…so Santa can unwrap a present up there?  Hmm? Hmm?  Chelsea laughs but says they really don’t need TWO trees, so why doesn’t he find someone else who needs a tree.  Omg, Chelsea.  Rookie mistake.  She has to leave. She gets in the hallway and calls somebody.  She needs to meet them at the club right away!  Instead of blinding Billy to Victoria with sex in the bedroom.

 

Stitch couldn’t sleep so he came in at 5:00 A.M. and got to work on the breakthrough!  “Well, I did it.  We’re there.”  What is he saying??  He altered the scent??!  EVEN BETTER!  He obliterated it!  It smells like nothing, and now they can start with a blank canvas.  OOOMMMGGG!  Someone call the Nobel committee!  In case you aren’t sure, Abby asks “So are you saying the love potion doesn’t stink anymore?!”  That’s it. 

 

They sniff it up, and by golly, he’s neutralized it.  Umm, are they all gonna start making out?  Ashley sticks with a hug.  Now they can have fun making it smell enticing.  Abby stares with new respect.  “Congratulations, Stitch.”  Eliminating pesky odors AND not murdering people.  He’s a keeper.  There’s a hitch, he’s not sure if it’s quite as powerful, so it might be a lot harder to rape people now.  They’ll have to go over the chemical analysis.  “In the meantime, CHAMPAGNE!!” cries Ashley.  Bubbly!!  Abby’s in!

 

But Stitch will have to pass.  It’s been a long day, and he wants to go see Victoria.  They’re like…oh.  He takes it they know Billy is Katie’s dad.  Of course, they’re her aunts.  Abby says it’s 800 lb gorilla in the room time!  What?  Nick’s at the castle.  “Stitch, I know the truth that you didn’t murder your father.  And I treated you like something I scraped off the bottom of my expensive shoe, and you never deserved that.  I’m really sorry.”  Apology accepted. 

 

“But—“  Heeeere we go, says Stitch.  “If you think that your story is going to change things with Victoria, you’re wrong.  The baby is Billy’s.  They were a family before, and they’re an even bigger family now.”  Stitch appreciates her fair warning, but he needs to talk to Victoria.  Because as far as HE knows, the future is wide open.  Also, this is nunya business.

 

Gosh, I wonder where Billy took his extra Christmas tree?   Victoria’s house?   It just so happens she needs a Christmas tree!  He thought he’d bring it by for her and Johnny, and Little Katie since it’s her first Christmas.  Christmas Magic!

 

Nick is relishing telling Constance about his bear trap brush with death.  This is stuff the troubadour could really use.   The pain was like nothing he’s ever experienced.  He kept passing out from the loss of blood.  Oh, and all that whiskey.  “It’s a wonder you weren’t killed!” says Constance.  He may have been, but for the woman who promised to help him.  The ambulance came, and she took off before he could get her name.  Well, what’s HIS name?  “My name is Nick Newman.”  Gasp!  Did he say…Newman?  As in Victor Newman?  Yes ma’am, that’s his father.  Hmm, can’t help you.   No one there fits the description. Kthanxbye!  She closes the door in his face. 

 

Adam can talk even faster than Chelsea.  “If you go to the police, you’re going to be sending Constance to her grave.  She’s going to find out that not only her grandson is dead, but her beloved Sage has been LYING to her for months.”  Sage says go ahead, they’ll be just fine!  Just fine?  What, is she gonna tell the police she’s been harboring a wanted man for nearly a year?  That she helped him create a fake identity?  “Yeah, you DO that.  That’s a good idea.  And you can find yourself in a prison cell along with me.” 

 

“YOU SONOFABITCH!  You CANNOT leave here!  We had a deal!”  I don’t think Sage has heard that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.  Or constant shrieking.  “I DON’T TAKE ORDERS FROM YOU!” shouts Adam. They’ve screamed so loud even Constance heard them.  She moans and groans her way in the room.  Times must be tough for the Binghams, because she can’t afford a butler OR an electric wheelchair.  She says there was a man at the door.  Sage apologizes for not answering it.  Constance anxiously says she handled it.  Adam looks suspicious. 

 

Avery apologizes to Joe for suggesting he threw a brick through the window.  That was all Paul’s idea. “I know you, and I know you would never do anything violent like that.”  He appreciates that.  The last thing he wants is to be viewed as the enemy in her eyes.   She doesn’t want to see him like that either.  She hates that this real estate deal is so contentious!  “Well, that makes two of us,” he says all soft and bedroomy.  “But you’re going to keep fighting for your project!” cries Avery.  Duh.  And she’s going to keep fighting against it.  Avery doesn’t know how to fight that logic. 

 

She finally says he has to accept there are some personal challenges he cannot win.  Ooo, he likes that.  “Is that a challenge?” he asks with a crooked grin.  “Joe, I need you to respect me, and where I’m at in my life with that guy I cheated on you with.  Like you and I always respected each other in the past, while I cheated on you with that guy.”  Respectfully. 

 

He knows they don’t always see eye to eye on things, like whom she should be sleeping with, but he’s always wanted what’s best for her.  “Well, can you keep that in mind moving forward?” she asks all misty like.  He’ll do his best.  Dylan has walked in to witness this unapproved moment.  Avery tells him she was just telling Joe they don’t think he throws bricks.  Joe’s sorry to hear about his shop, he hopes they find out who did it.  Dylan hopes so, too. 

 

OMG, NICK IS HERE ON CRUTCHES!  Avery’s been so worried!  Nick says it’s been a long story.  He introduces himself to Joe, with an alpha male glare right off the bat.  “Nick Newman, I own the place.”  Joe shakes his hand.  HARD, I hope.  “Joe Clark, pleasure,” he says in his Puddy voice.  Nick glares some more.  “Ah, Avery’s ex,” says Avery’s ex.  “The dude trying to tear down the warehouse district .”  “So I take it you’re in favor,” says Joe.  Adamantly opposed, actually, just like Dylan and Avery.  

 

Joe smirky smiles.  “You can’t win’em all.”  #winning   Not if Nick Newman has anything to say about it.  Joe shakes in his Tom Ford shoes about going to war with the barista and bartender dynamic duo.  “Nice to meet you,” douchebag.  Joe leaves.  Nick says he’s a slick operator, and NOT the kind of guy he expected you to be married to, young lady. 

 

Avery just wants to know where he was.  He missed the super important custody talk!  Yeah, well he got home to a letter from David Sherman about Sharon’s countersuit.  “David Sherman?” asks Dylan.  “That’s the lawyer that ripped Nikki apart in court.  I mean, Sharon must feel pretty threatened to hire that guy.”  Uh, yeah, they’re going to take her daughter away.  Nick says he’s GOTTA protect Faith! 

 

Dylan says he’s not taking sides.  Avery says they’re ALL on Faith’s side.  Dylan hates that NICK has go through this.  “Trust me, I hate it more.”  It’s so bloody hard on Nick to take his kid away from her mom.  “You told me going after full custody could get ugly, but with David Sherman involved, it got a whole lot harder.”  WAAAH!!!  Why won’t Sharon just lay down and die?  WAAH!!   Avery can handle David Sherman.  Okay, but every time poor Nick thinks he’s getting his difficult life together, he turns the corner and there’s some ugly surprise waiting for him.  Those are just mirrors, Nick.

 

Adam asks Constance who was at the door?  Oh, some man selling something.  SELLING LIES!!!  She sent him away.  Adam worries.  Is she sure there isn’t more to it than that?  She changes the subject.  “Gabriel!  Your bag!  What is going on?!”  Sage stares.  Um, Gabriel thought he would leave for a while.  He’s all cooped up, he’s sure she can understand that?  “I won’t hear of it!” she wails.  He’s still recovering, he’s not ready!  Gabriel feels GREAT!  He IS ready!  “Fine, then I’M not ready.  I..can’t…let you go just yet.  Please! Promise me you’ll stay!”  Omg, can’t he at least take a run to Subway?  Maybe catch Mockingjay?  What is wrong with this lady?

 

Chelsea meets JEFFREY at the club.  Okay, Buttercup, he dropped everything to meet her, what’s up?  She passes him an envelope full of enough cash to make him gasp.  “What a nice surprise!”  She offered to pay him to drop the lawsuit.  This is just half!  He gets the other half when he tells the hospital Stitch Rayburn did not commit malpractice.  Do they have a deal? 

 

Ashley wants to read Ben’s report, so Abby can leave.  Abby feels like she’s mad at her.  She’s a little disappointed Abby was so blunt with him.   Was it necessary to tell him he has zero chance with Victoria?  “Am I wrong??” says Abby.  Probably not,  but does she honestly have to be so unequivocal?  Blah blah Stitch is having a hard time.  Abby says she’s doing him a favor.  The man needs to OPEN his eyes and stop dreaming about a future that is never going to happen.  “Why not let him dream?” asks Ashley. 

 

Billy plays house with Victoria and is putting up the tree that grew about four feet in the last 15 minutes.   Vicky’s going through ornaments.  Billy plans on tormenting Katie by blathering nonstop about lights.  They get all verklempt about DeeDee’s special ornament.  Vicky says he should take it home and put it on his own tree.  They hug.  Stitch has come for his visit, and sees them through the window.

 

Abby meets a nerdy chemist named Tobias.  He is THRILLED to be working for Abby and Ashley.  I bet. His first order of business is to track down French wholesale orders.  Bon chance!  Abby says Aunt Traci wants to do a single ladies Christmas shopping thing this weekend.  “How is it possible that three women as fabulous as us have no one to kiss under the mistletoe this year?”  Ashley remembers that Abby was supposed to be married by now.  Is she doing okay.  Yeah, it’s all good.  Blah blah independent strong blah.

 

Chelsea can see Jeffrey doing the math in his head, wondering if he can get more money from the suit.  He says it’s for millions.  She says he could end up with NOTHING, instead of TWO envelopes full of cash.  Stitch has suffered enough.  Dropping this lawsuit is just the right thing to do.

 

Jeffrey chuckles.  He knows she’s NOT doing this out of the goodness of her heart.  “WHY I’m doing it doesn’t matter,” snaps Chelsea.  “It doesn’t affect the number of zeroes in the payout.”  Jeffrey says just admit it.  She wants to clear the path between Victoria and that fake doctor, so she can have Billy all to herself.   He says that like it’s a bad thing.

 

Billy talks about how lost he was last year.  Without Delia, how could there even BE Christmas.  Blah blah blah.  He really wanted to make it work out so bad, even though he made everything worse.  She told him he didn’t’ have to apologize anymore.  “Look, we may not be together anymore, but I feel like we’re both in a better place this year.”  Blaaaah blaaaah.  She’s glad they feel like friends again.  They hold hands and stare at the baby.

 

Nick brags on the baby.  A toast to Katie.  Stitch walks in.  Awk-ward.  He says he’s as happy as anyone that Vicky and the baby are healthy.  Nick says it must be hard hearing the baby wasn’t his, but he’s glad the truth finally came out, because Nick LOVES THE TRUTH ABOUT DEM BABIES.  Stitch says it’s been a long time coming. 

 

Avery takes Nick away.  Dylan hopes Stitch doesn’t think he’s being disloyal.  Not at all, she’s his niece.  He still loves Victoria, but he thinks she and Billy are already back together.  He saw them all together like a family.  He laughs sadly. He didn’t really believe it was going to happen.   And Stitch is too good a guy to really break it up, either, IMO.  Let’s drink.

 

Avery and Nick agree to meet tomorrow so they can get that kid away from her mom!  Yay!  Nick hobbles away.  She notices Joe again and goes over to talk to him for no reason except his smoldering hotness.  She’s glad he and Dylan could be civil. He says he really doesn’t want to cause any trouble for them other than putting Dylan out of business.  It seems she didn’t show Dylan the lovely Thanksgiving text Joe sent her.  “Is there a reason you’re finding it difficult to be honest?” he asks.  ABSOLUTELY NOT!  It’s sure not because Dylan’s a violent hothead!  She runs away. 

 

Dylan gets off the phone and says they’re going to have lots of people at their little Save The Warehouse rally.  And why was she talking to Joe?  Oh, um, he sent her a Happy Thanksgiving text, and she’s telling him about it…now.  Dylan stares daggers at Joe.  He looks back at him like, suck it, McAvoy.

 

They walk back to Joe’s table.  “What can I do for ya, Dyl?”  There’s just something he needs to say.  Blah civil blah for Avery.  She goes to get her stuff.  Joe really watches her walk away.  “I said that for her,” snaps Dylan.   Duh.  “She’s not your wife anymore.  She’s not your friend.  She’s your PAST.  No more texts, no more phone calls, no more surprise visits, or things are gonna get a lot less civil.”  Joe’s like, cool story, bro.  They leave.

 

Chelsea is TOTALLY secure in her relationship with Billy!  Getting him to drop the lawsuit is a different matter!  Jeffrey laughs.  Come on, she can be straight with him!  Chelsea leans forward.   “Can’t you just do this ONE thing for me?”  He puts the money in his jacket.  “Never walk away from a good score.”  Does that mean he’ll drop it?  “I’ll take care of it, Peaches.”  He pats her hand. 

 

Stitch is slamming his drink.  Abby walks in.  Why isn’t he with Victoria?!  “You told me to stay away, remember?”  Since when does he listen to her?  “I DON’T!”  He just had a change of plans, which is to get drunk and grouchy in this bar.  Abby quicksteps it away from him, and runs up to Nick.  Why didn’t he tell the family he was in the hospital?  Because he was embarrassed to admit he walked into a bear trap.  Abby laughs.  She thought Noah was JOKING. 

 

It was horrible, blah blah freezing bleeding blah.  Some woman found him and called for help.  There might have been some guy who looked kinda familiar, but then again, he saw a lot of familiar people that night.  But this woman, he’s got to track her down.  He’s not going to stop until he finds her!  He has an empty pedestal at home!

 

Sage brings Constance tea.  Adam’s like how about I go for just one night.  That’s a bit more bearable, but she still doesn’t want him going alone.  In case something would happen.  What could possibly happen?!  “You’re still recuperating.  Bring Sage with you!  Like you used to do!”  Sage would happily dog Adam for her.  Adam smiles while thinking about punching them both in the throat.  That just sounds wonderful.  Just get him the hell out of this house.  She’ll see him tomorrow.  Adam rolls his eyes all the way back in his head.

 

He hopes Sage is happy.  He figures this can be a recon mission and test out his new face.  So, about those trips she used to take with Gabriel…?  She went along to keep him out of trouble, like…a companion.  Adam ignores the obvious and says he doesn’t need her nipping at his heels every step of the way.  Blah argue blah. Pack a bag and get ready, dammit.  He wants to get home to Genoa City.

 

Seeing Joe was quite an aphrodisiac, and Dylan and Avery are ripping their clothes off. 

 

Tobias the nerd meets with Ashley and learns how the new fragrance is going to disrupt the industry.  They’re not sure if the new formula will change the effectiveness.  Tobias asks what that means.  Ashley has a flashback to how the fragrance made Stitch slobber all over her.   Mmmm, thinks Ashley.  Blah blah.  Tobias leaves.  Ashley considers the odorless blue fragrance in the lab and gets a twinkle in her eye.  Date rape, anyone?

 

Stitch is getting plastered.  He sees Jeffrey.  “Thanss again for tryin to ruin my life!  Not that I wasn’t already doing a good job of that on my own.”  Jeffrey tells him to relax, it’s all going to be okay.  Oh, yeah, well if he isn’t a doc, but just some guy off the street, then he never really took an oath to do no harm!  He’s about to beat the crap out of Jeffrey, but Hero Nick has crutched over in time to stop him, with Abby trailing behind. 

 

“I know you’re in a bad place, but you don’t want to do this!”  Nick has to hold him back!  “Easy, bub.  I WAS gonna drop that lawsuit against you, but now I’m not so sure,” says Jeffrey before walking away.  Nick tells Stitch to get it together.  Abby’s concerned.  “Let’s get you home, okay?  Things always look worse when you’ve been drinking.”  He says they won’t look any better when he’s sober.

 

Billy and Victoria are some crack decorators and their department store tree is finished.  Billy holds the baby.  Does Katherine Rose think they did a good job?  Blah blah BLAH.  “We got our miracle, Billy.”  Although the circumstances weren’t what they expected.  Laying on the feelz.

 

Billy puts the star on top of the tree.  He wants to change diapers, too.  He takes the baby upstairs, and Vicky finally realizes she has a voicemail from Ben.  “I wonder why he never showed?”  She's just not getting enough attention today!

 

Apparently, Stitch didn’t take Abby up on the advice of going home, because he just stumbled into the lab…and falls down.  Ashley rushes to his side.

 

Dylan and Avery have pillow talk.  He thinks this is a lot better than hanging out with her ex-husband and ex-fiance.   She agrees that was weird.  She goes to get some wine, and he looks in the nightstand at an ENGAGEMENT RING.  Guess it’s time to lock this shit down, with Joe sniffing around.  He hides it before Avery returns.

 

Joe’s walking through the bar, and he notices that Avery left her pen behind.  Oh noes!  Not her pen!!!   He better return it ASAP.  Lawyers can’t write without pens!

 

Abby tells Nick that Stitch is not her favorite, but she feels bad for the guy.  #totallyherfavorite   She’s never seen him in such bad shape.  Nick blames women.  “If I were in his shoes, I’d be drunk, too,” says Abby.  It’s not like he has some wonderful, supportive family like THEY do.  The Newmans may be dysfunctional, but they always have each other’s back, especially when it comes to stealing kids from non-Newman parents.  Nick is really going to need her support to get through the next few months because women.  “You can knock a Newman down,” says Abby, “but he’ll always get back up.”  And stab you in the back.

 

Adam is back!  He walks in the lobby of the GCAC, and of course, the first person he lays eyes on..is Chelsea.  He’s so happy to see her, you guys!  He stares while she looks at her phone and thinks about Billy.  She glances up..and he catches her eye.  It’s A Connection!!

Love your recaps Peach! WOW! Also loved that look between Chels and Adam!

[Joimiaroxeu]

Abby meets a nerdy chemist named Tobias.  He is THRILLED to be working for Abby and Ashley.

I'm just gonna go on the record now as guessing Tobias is a corporate spy for Newman. He was way too enthusiastic to be working on some new date rape perfume. I predict Ashley's new perfume is going to end up the same way as Gloria's face cream...being sued in court.

 

Dylan and Avery have pillow talk.  He thinks this is a lot better than hanging out with her ex-husband and ex-fiance.   She agrees that was weird.  She goes to get some wine, and he looks in the nightstand at an ENGAGEMENT RING.  Guess it’s time to lock this shit down, with Joe sniffing around.

Um, yeah, I'll bet Joe will take one look at that ring and make a remark so biting people three counties over will wince and say, "Ouch, what was that?"

[NinjaPenguins]

 

There’s a hitch, he’s not sure if it’s quite as powerful, so it might be a lot harder to rape people now.

Seriously, what is this show thinking? Jabot is going to get sued into the ground.

 

 

Abby says it’s 800 lb gorilla in the room time!  What?  Nick’s at the castle.

That's gold.

 

 

“We got our miracle, Billy.”

It's not a miracle if there's a rational, scientific explanation. For example, it's a miracle that I don't dropkick my television into the sun when I see these two navel-gazing chuckleheads on my screen. Katie Rose was caused by a carnal abomination, an act so foul and dreary that even Cthulhu could not look upon it.

 

 

Why is Joe even talking to her?

Excellent question. She cheated on his fine self with a block of wood. If Joe and Avery hit the sheets again, he could catch Dutch Elm disease.

 

 

It’s A Connection!!

This show seems very confused as to what constitutes epic love. Pro tip: Not Chelsea and Adam. I prefer the connection between Nick's hairy ankle and that bear trap myself.

[Capricasix]

It's not a miracle if there's a rational, scientific explanation. For example, it's a miracle that I don't dropkick my television into the sun when I see these two navel-gazing chuckleheads on my screen. Katie Rose was caused by a carnal abomination, an act so foul and dreary that even Cthulhu could not look upon it.

DEAD, I TELLS YOU. DEAD!

[ByTor]

Excellent question. She cheated on his fine self with a block of wood. If Joe and Avery hit the sheets again, he could catch Dutch Elm disease.

BWAH!!!!!

[peacheslatour]

Oh, peach!  So much hilarity, I literally had projectile tears!  Oh, mercy. *wipes eyes, still chuckling*

[PatsyandEddie]

Excellent question. She cheated on his fine self with a block of wood. If Joe and Avery hit the sheets again, he could catch Dutch Elm disease.

 

 

*********dead******

[MollyB]

 

It's not a miracle if there's a rational, scientific explanation. For example, it's a miracle that I don't dropkick my television into the sun when I see these two navel-gazing chuckleheads on my screen. Katie Rose was caused by a carnal abomination, an act so foul and dreary that even Cthulhu could not look upon it.

This show seems very confused as to what constitutes epic love. Pro tip: Not Chelsea and Adam. I prefer the connection between Nick's hairy ankle and that bear trap myself.

 

I'll have what Ninja's having.

[Snaporaz]

 

Dylan stares daggers at Joe.  He looks back at him like, suck it, McAvoy.

I know it was supposed to be Dylan's patented threatening stare, but he really looked like a confused Rain Man.

 

Seconding (or thirding) that Tobias is Victor's mole.  Totally obvious.

 

Gods, y'all!  My finger has a cramp from hitting the "like" button so many times!

[peacheslatour]

I like Tobias.  I was hoping that Ashley would try a nerd on, or maybe Abby.  I haven't seen a good nerd on a soap since Petey on AMC.  I mean the real AMC, not the Prospect Park version.

What about that weirdsmobile on GH?  The one that used to go out with Maxie...

[ByTor]

I haven't seen a good nerd on a soap since Petey on AMC.  I mean the real AMC, not the Prospect Park version.

I don't know how long you've been watching B&B, but there was a nerdy lab tech who had a thing for Bridget. I think his name was Carl?

[Foghorn Leghorn]

I don't know how long you've been watching B&B, but there was a nerdy lab tech who had a thing for Bridget. I think his name was Carl?

 

Yeah I remember Carl, he had that big toothy grin, a classic nerd!

 

The thing with a nerd mole is they don't pick an actor who we will fall in love with because of their looks, after all they are not long for the plot.  And meeting in Chancellor Park, gee no one ever goes there, great pick!

Edited December 7, 2014 by Foghorn Leghorn

[ByTor]

They had a nickname for the lab tech on B&B but I can't remember it.  He showed up when Amber was having baby Rosie? of the unexpected hue.   Neither him nor Spumoni from GH are my idea of a nerd.  They would still have to be hot.

Hahaha then Carl was certainly no nerd! :)

Yeah I remember Carl, he had that big toothy grin, a classic nerd!

The thing with a nerd mole is they don't pick an actor who we will fall in love with because we know they are expendable.

True, and it's the same with main characters. Like the "will something tragic happen" cliffhangers, when we all know there are no plans to get rid of that particular character. Edited December 7, 2014 by ByTor

[movinon]

They had a nickname for the lab tech on B&B but I can't remember it.  He showed up when Amber was having baby Rosie? of the unexpected hue.   Neither him nor Spumoni from GH are my idea of a nerd.  They would still have to be hot.

The weirdo that used to date Maxie could be either Spinelli or Levi, but Levi wasn't so nerdy as just plain weird and ugly.  Maxie sure makes some strange choices.

Edited December 8, 2014 by movinon

[peacheslatour]

 

Neither him nor Spumoni from GH are my idea of a nerd.  They would still have to be hot.

Nerds are hot?

[Petunia13]

LOL "Spumoni from GH"

Also I'm surprised crazy ass Jill has not brought him in since he's good friend with SB.

[Petunia13]

And I also agree with whoever said that Ashley's office/lab are Ugly Betty-ish.

That was me. The set is similar to the Mode one on UB and I think that's weird. Mode was supposed to be a cold, edgy, severe place and hub of style so frosty futuristic decor and fixtures made sense.

[MollyB]

Rant on:

Does Victor not have anything else to do in his life?  He just got done messing with Phyliss' brain/health and Summer's DNA and god-knows-what-else (while his wife with MS goes on a very obvious bender) and now he sends a spy into Jabot?  (Maybe Ashley and Stitch and Abby shouldn't have talked company secrets in the coffee house-secrets get Victor's motor runninng.)  Can't you take a break here, Mr. Mobile Doom?  Taking Jack's Christmas tree?!?  And then ALL the trees when Jack steps down?  Somebody dump a truckload of coal on him-or, yeah, use him as a woodchipper for the biggest tree in the lot.  (An even better idea, Ninja.)

 

And taking off the glasses doesn't mean you won't be recognized, FakeNerd.  Especially when you are sitting in a park pretending not to be talking to the very obvious (and seemingly everywhere at once) Victurd.  That only worked for Superman.  Geez, at least put a phone to your ear or something-

rant over-no more coffee.

[Joimiaroxeu]

Does Victor not have anything else to do in his life?

 

Victor is like a zombie who endlessly yearns for live human flesh. In his case the flesh is Jack Abbott's and this latest scheme is just another way to try to eat Jack for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. No matter that Victor's own daughter could get caught in the crossfire. Meh, collateral damage.

 

If Joe and Avery hit the sheets again, he could catch Dutch Elm disease.

Or snag a leftover splinter.