Snark Talk: Home, Home on the (De) Ranged

[grisgris]

I was unable to link this but FN had a post on their Facebook feed that was "take a shot" with Ree. She had to answer questions that were written down for her and take a shot (or more) if her answer would be "yes." The questions were stupid like, "Have you ever eaten an entire pizza at one sitting?" Here is one that fits, "Have you ever fed your kids candy for breakfast." She said, "Well, it was the day after Halloween."

The only question she answered "no" to was, "Have you ever Googled yourself."  She said that she just doesn't, like it never occurs to her ...

I have a nice bridge for sale back East ...
 

[mamadani]

Hi all been a while, I got super busy with my newborn (he's almost 2 months now!)

There is a repeat on today of her ridiculous dorm room food episode. Honestly when I was in college I would never have been making food in my dorm, I would have been going to the cafeteria or to the restaurants on campus where I could use my food allowance. I mean waffle maker pizza? What college student on earth wants to keep pizza dough in their tiny fridge? Also most dorms have at least one kitchen in them nowadays so that makes these "hacks" even more ridiculous.

[peacheslatour]

3 hours ago, mamadani said:

Hi all been a while, I got super busy with my newborn (he's almost 2 months now!)

There is a repeat on today of her ridiculous dorm room food episode. Honestly when I was in college I would never have been making food in my dorm, I would have been going to the cafeteria or to the restaurants on campus where I could use my food allowance. I mean waffle maker pizza? What college student on earth wants to keep pizza dough in their tiny fridge? Also most dorms have at least one kitchen in them nowadays so that makes these "hacks" even more ridiculous.

We lived on frozen microwaveable pizza and Jack in the Box .99 cent tacos.

[Lura]

No kitchens, restaurants or grocery stores near us.  We lived on coffee and candy bars.

[mamadani]

I personally lived off microwaveable ramen and stuff from the vending machine but that was because I didn't want to use our kitchen in the dorm. Plus I was a terrible cook back then lol

[Lura]

I'm a little surprised that Ree hasn't come out with a Ree doll.  I don't know whether it should be a soft doll with long, red yarn hair, or whether it should be more like a Barbie doll dressed in jeans and a pregnant top.  Then, she could "move forward," as she likes to say, and come out with a Marlboro Man doll, etc., etc.  For a woman who snatches every opportunity to grab the spotlight and make money, you'd think she'd have thought of this before now.

[grisgris]

That satirist, Pie-near Woman has already done that. She uses the "I Love Lucy" Barbie doll to play Ree in her little vignettes and Malibu Ken to be Ladd.  She is very elaborate. She dresses Ree in flowy tops an jeans and Ladd wears chaps with his bare butt hanging out.

I don't really like that site because while poking fun at Ree is well, fun, this woman has gone wa-a-ay too far out into left field. She has made up all kinds of stories that Ladd has a secret second family with a Native American princess, etc. Then she had some gay characters, which I don't mind, but you know that would never fly with Ree.

Sadly, Ree probably wants to distance herself as far away from Mattel and Barbies as possible.

But ... that doesn't stop her from branching out elsewhere!

[ariel]

Ree's daughter is probably getting healthier food at college than at home.

[cathy]

Another article in the current national enquirer about Ree, that she was "boy crazy" in high school.  She was a "socialite" and never cooked.  The inside source who knew her said she was surprised Ree can handle a life with so much responsibility.  But she doesn't realize Ree has and has had a lot of help and advantages in life that  many people haven't.

[Lura]

1 hour ago, cathy said:

Another article in the current national enquirer about Ree, that she was "boy crazy" in high school.

No offense, but I wouldn't put too much stock in what the National Enquirer said.  They seem to exaggerate for the sake of selling stories.  Besides, what girl isn't "boy crazy" in high school?  I was! 

[grisgris]

Here's another idea Ree hasn't pirated yet ...

https://12tomatoes.com/sheet-pan-pancakes/?utm_source=glp-12t&utm_medium=social-fb&utm_content=video&utm_campaign=sheet-pan-pancakes

Switching gears ... has anybody been watching Ree on the Christmas Cookie Challenge?  I think the final episode was earlier this week and they definitely saved the best for last. There was a woman who was about Ree's age from Arizona named Suzanne and she was a mother of five (don't remember if she mentioned homeschooling) and a food blogger. She also bragged that she's won about 65 baking competitions (which she continued to mention at every opportunity during the bake-off.)  In the first heat, Suzanne said (with a smirk) that her and Ree's baking/cooking styles were very similar. She also boasted that she actually got introduced to the competition circuit through beauty pageants. (She was very attractive.) I knew immediately that even if Suzanne baked the most delicious gorgeous cookies known to mankind she didn't have a snowball's chance in the Southwest to win.

She didn't.  Ree wasn't overly friendly to her (maybe because the contestant didn't fan girl) and made a few non-committal remarks and was done with it. She was too enamored by another (much younger) contestant's cookie out of fugly purple dough that had Santa wearing a hedgehog sweater ...

Actually, I liked Suzanne's ideas. She used Southwestern flavors that were outside the usual tired profile of jalapenos, cumin, chili powder, lime, etc.  I also liked the designs of her cookies.

I'm glad that the guy who won did. His work was the best and he was quiet and went about his business. No bragging, smack talk, fan-boying, etc.

I'd actually watch a show with Suzanne if she'd tone down the ego about 10 notches.

[Fairfax]

15 minutes ago, grisgris said:

... She was too enamored by another (much younger) contestant's cookie out of fugly purple dough that had Santa wearing a hedgehog sweater ... .

 

I don't know what a hedgehog sweater is but it sounds intriguing. 

[grisgris]

The contestant had a pet hedgehog and she made a Santa wearing a sweater with a hedgehog on it. (There were photos of her with her pet and it was adorable.) It was just basically a little puffy brown critter with a lot of white quills. I don't remember if she used white jimmies or tiny strokes of royal icing. It was cute but she didn't meet the requirements of the challenge. Plus, her cookie wasn't very tasty. She got cut in the first round.

[Lura]

I watched the show, too, grisgris.  Suzanne was just too much for me.  She mentioned that her beauty pageant days were when she was 18, and she'd put on plenty of mileage since then.  I'd guess that she was around 50 or older, but with her facelift it was hard to tell.

Ree was something of a failure as a judge.  Mostly, all she did was sit there and smile, and she seemed determined not to criticize anyone so they'd like her.  Once again, the people-pleasing Ree.  If she had anything negative to say, it was some tiny little thing that was insignificant in determining a winner.  I almost laughed when Ree told one of the bakers that her cookie needed more "punch," like "maybe a squeeze of lime."  Ree adds lime to half the things she cooks!

I noticed on Ree's blog that she wrote about being a judge on that show and said she would love to share some of the backstage goings on -- and then she didn't.  It just smacked of "I know some secrets because I'm a V.I.P., but I'm not sharing them with millions of ordinary  people!"  Methinks that Ree is beginning to believe her own publicity.

[grisgris]

Funny you should mention that, Lura. Because on today's show, one of Ree's cookie recipes was "inspired" by one of the contestant's recipes from the Christmas Cookie Challenge show. She casually mentioned, "I recently judged a cookie baking show ... " then mentioned that her caramel popcorn, bacon chocolate chip cookie idea came from the show. I don't remember which contestant made it but s/he probably peed their pants when they heard that. Oh ... if they were actually smart ... they'd sue her for purloining their recipe, especially if it shows up in a future PW cookbook. I know that kind of intellectual property infringement is next to impossible to prove but at least it would be worth calling attention to it .

All of this took place after the first cookie demonstration. Ree made chocolate mint cookies and cut them out into the shapes of cowboys (I think) and cows. Then she said that nothing sets off a chocolate cookie better than white royal icing and proceeded to decorate the cookies. My mouth dropped open when she just made random squiggle patterns all over the cookies. The cows looked like the had some type of  bizarre diagonal stripes and the other shape was completely obliterated. She just shrugged and said, they were "lacy cowboys." Oh-KAY! Again, why go to the trouble to cut out cookies if you aren't going to decorate them properly and this ... from a judge of a cookie decorating competition??  SERIOUSLY!!! Why not just roll the dough into a log shape (or square if you're really going out on a limb) and baking off simple shapes. That way, the lazy, haphazard decorating would look deliberate.

SMH.

There were four cookies. I've already forgotten what the third one was but the last one was some type of no-bake cookie that must have had at least 20 ingredients in it.

Guess who the first cookie gift went to?

I guess it is true that Ree doesn't like to drive because she was complaining about it today and made the kids deliver the cookies to the recipients. She was lamenting about filling the driving gap when Paige goes away to college and it will still be a year or so before Bryce is old enough to get a license.

Such problems ...

[maggiemae]

Really - why make shaped cookies when they are not recognizable?

[Kohola3]

7 hours ago, grisgris said:

caramel popcorn, bacon chocolate chip cookie

That was all in ONE cookie?  Barf.

[grisgris]

Happy Holidays! 

Enjoy:

[Lura]

Ree came very close to my torching her hair over this show!  When she  took her cutter and cut out cowboys and cows, I thought they would be cute.  But then, she took her royal icing and made swirls, back and forth, all over the cowboys, and you couldn't even tell what they were.  She made a joke about frilly cowboys.  Then, she "moved forward" to the cow cookies and covered them with ugly zig-zags of white, again obliterating what they were.  Everyone all over town will see how crazy she is, if they don't know already.

I'd love to see Ree sued over the contestant's brown butter cookies, but there's no way since Ree attributed them to someone else and also added that she was adding her own "twists."

The weirdest cookies of all were the ones to which she added bacon and smashed caramel corn.  I love salty and sweet, but NOT bacon or caramel corn in my cookies, thanks.  I guess we know now that Ladd and the kids will eat anything.  I hope Ladd took one bite and said, "You sent THESE to all our FRIENDS???!!!"

Ree raved all the way through the show that she loves cookie dough almost more than anything else.  She even saved some for herself.  I imagine she's still spooning it in as we speak.  I wonder whether Ree is hoping that her Bacon Caramel Corn cookies will top Aunt Sandy's Kwanza Cake at YouTube. 

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!                                                                    

Edited December 25, 2017 by Lura

[Kohola3]

4 hours ago, Lura said:

I wonder whether Ree is hoping that her Bacon Caramel Corn cookies will top Aunt Sandy's Kwanza Cake at YouTube.

Not gonna happen.  You can't mess with a classic.

[Lura]

That was supposed to be a joke, Kohola, but I think something went wrong with my delivery!   LOL  I agree with you.  Aunt Sandy's cake is the "winningest" concoction ever created on a supposedly serious food show! 

[ariel]

As much as I have snaked on Aunt Sandy (& will continue to) unlike Ree, I think Aunt Sandy was in on to the joke that she was.  I wonder how many hard core Ree fans are Fandra's too?

[Lura]

1 hour ago, ariel said:

I wonder how many hard core Ree fans are Fandra's too?

I don't know, ariel.  Sometimes I think the entire world loves Ree except for our little enclave of dissenters.  I suppose there are quite a few people who watched Sandy and now watch Ree.  The two of them are quite different if you think about it.  Sandy was all about putting on the dog and impressing the guests, while Ree is more down home about it all.  The one similarity, IMO, is that they are both jokes. 

[grisgris]

Here's a new recipe that needs to make its way onto Ree's show. I swear, you can't make this stuff up.

http://12tomatoes.com/cowboy-trifle/

[Lura]

You have a real gift, grisgris, for sniffing out recipes that Ree would love!  Notice how the layers of goodies in that trifle don't even have to be even.  I'll betcha Ree could throw that thing together for a church potluck in about five minutes.  You know that it couldn't take long to make because the cornbread doesn't even have to be cut into squares.  Just dig your fingers into the cornbread pan and pull out globs.  Yep, that's a real winner!  Thanks for sharing!

[grisgris]

My Facebook feed has been the gift that just keeps giving this holiday season. The Cowboy Trifle was from 12 Tomatoes that was doing a feature on uses for Jiffy cornbread mix. Actually, all 9 recipes were all in Ree's wheelhouse!

[peacheslatour]

You know a person probably could make that work. Ditch the corn, mayo, ranch dip replace it with guac....no you know what? It' s revolting no matter how you look at it.

[Jaded]

I'm watching an old episode of Iron Chef America from 2013 titled "Tournament of Champions: Symon vs. Zakarian" where Ree was one of three judges. The other two were Trisha Yearwood and Aaron Sanchez who didn't have to do word acrobatics to sound articulate. Ree in the small time she's spoken so far seemed like she was trying to look for big words she could use to describe what she was tasting and not having much luck. 

[Westiepeach]

Watching that same show now!

[grisgris]

Darn!  I had that on in the background but wasn't paying any attention.  With all due respect to Trisha Yearwood ... but WHAT were she and Ree doing judging Iron Chefs? 

[anneofcleves]

On 12/26/2017 at 10:55 PM, grisgris said:

Here's a new recipe that needs to make its way onto Ree's show. I swear, you can't make this stuff up.

http://12tomatoes.com/cowboy-trifle/

Wow, Ree should sue!  That recipe has Pioneer Woman stamped all over it. It’s for cowboys!

[Lura]

Far be it for me to contradict my fellow commenters on this thread, but I'm not convinced that this recipe could pass for one of Ree's.  There seem to be one or two essential ingredients of Ree's, which don't appear on the list of ingredients:

     (1)  There is no sugar called for, not even a teaspoon of Ree's favorite brown sugar.

     (2)  While there are chopped green onions all over the top, Ree's sloppily diced parsley is nowhere to be found as an ingredient or as a bright green garnish.  You know how Ree is about her parsley.

I suppose that it could be Ree striking out of her little box.  That would be a shock.

[ariel]

23 hours ago, grisgris said:

Darn!  I had that on in the background but wasn't paying any attention.  With all due respect to Trisha Yearwood ... but WHAT were she and Ree doing judging Iron Chefs? 

I miss the original Japanese Iron Chef.  They did have some giggly actresses as judges, but they were entertaining.

[grisgris]

I guess it was a good thing the contenders were Zakarian and Symon ... Michael probably didn't really care and Geoffrey was probably rolling his eyes off camera.

[Lura]

I laughed my head off all the way through the Symon-Zakarian battle.  Geoffrey was ridiculous.  He was a wuss and was more nervous than a little old lady.  Every time the camera showed him, he was either making a drink or drinking a drink.  At least twice he didn't bother with a glass and just picked up the entire bottle and guzzled.  When he spent all the time he could on the first drink, he started in on a second drink!  His sous chef looked angry because it fell on him to do all of the cooking.  Once or twice GZ just stood there, turning around with a perplexed look on his face, apparently trying to figure out what he should be doing.  Finally, when he was sufficiently high, he picked a fight with Symon.  I like GZ, but he really disappointed.

Edited December 30, 2017 by Lura
typo

[txvoodoo]

I came across this article this week, and thought "gee, we should submit some of Ree's books!" I'm evil. :D

"Did Your Grandma Steal That ‘Secret Family Recipe’?"

Quote

Have you ever learned that a treasured family recipe came from a popular cookbook or the side of a cake mix box? Do you suspect any secret recipes in your family are not actually so secret, and can you investigate? Tell us about it, and we’ll share our favorite responses in an article this January. With your help, we can (lovingly) investigate whether our cherished family recipes are more common than we realize.

[Lura]

txvoodoo, I like the way you think!  I think you should send in a few from your pretentious "aunt" in northeastern OK!  You are a genius!

[grisgris]

You're welcome, Ree! Happy New Year!

http://www.delish.com/cooking/recipes/a50855/confetti-cookie-dough-ball-recipe/

[Lura]

They're perfect for Ree and the kids, grisgris.  Cookie and tons of candy in one bite!  And think about how Ree could take out her aggressions smashing that candy into bits!!!

If there is anything I hate about The Pioneer Woman, I hate those shows in which she takes a walk!  I'd put up with watching her cook most anything over having to listen to her ruminate over her 10 favorite things or whatever.  She totally bores me.  One of those shows came on the other day.  I should have turned it off, but I was sure she'd encounter a snake or fall on her face, and I hated to miss it.  That woman never, never tires of talking about herself.

[film noire]

Happy New Year, y'all ; )

Love your snark and smarts and I hope we all have a joyful, healthy and laughter-filled 2018!

Edited January 1, 2018 by film noire

[grisgris]

Well played, film noire!

[Hildegard802]

On 12/30/2017 at 11:11 AM, grisgris said:

You're welcome, Ree! Happy New Year!

http://www.delish.com/cooking/recipes/a50855/confetti-cookie-dough-ball-recipe/

That is disgusting on levels I can't even. . . And I'm drunk.

[Kohola3]

"And then, to spice things up,  I add a whole buncha my secret ingredient - because I can".

[peacheslatour]

Happy New Year Reeverts!

[film noire]

4 hours ago, peacheslatour said:

Happy New Year Reeverts!

 

Edited January 2, 2018 by film noire

[grisgris]

[Lura]

Film noire and grisgris, you've outdone yourselves with those graphics!  I especially like the first one because Ree-Ree is wearing her cutesy smile -- the one I call her "Ladd and dads smile" because she reserves that slightly flirtatious look for Ladd and the two dads.  I can almost see Ree in high school, practicing that smile a million and one times in front of a mirror.

Again I have to ask, why does Ree insist on wearing pink and red tops with her orange hair?  Ree is stubborn.  She learned at her mother's knee during the affair with the minister that you do certain things because, by golly, nobody tells the Smith girls what they can do.  The rule is: Please yourself first!

[mamadani]

Happy 2018, all, hope it finds you well! 

@Lura I know, those colors clash so badly with her hair, you think someone would have told her by now. If you watch early episodes her hair is a pretty brown color, she really should have kept that, its much more flattering.

One of her many freezer episodes was on today, you think that woman would never have to cook anything fresh the way she freezes things. I've been meaning to say must she use those chipotle peppers in adobe sauce in every dish she makes? I wait for it to show up every episode.

[lucygoose]

Caught a season 1 episode today , that dark auburn red tone she had initially was so much more flattering than the orange color she has now. It just floors me when I think of all the money she has and doesn't take some of that to get professional fashion advice......

[mamadani]

@lucygoose Ree believes it looks wonderful so it must. I mean look at her food concoctions, I don't think she would take the advice if she did get it.

Looks like we are going to see Ree's version of healthy foods again this weekend, it's a new year's resolution weekend. Which also will include her exciting walks with the dogs most likely.