Snark Talk: Home, Home on the (De) Ranged

[peacheslatour]

1 hour ago, ShoePrincess said:

I've been MIA for a few weeks, the winter blahs, the winter crud, in-law dramas (are some people genetically programmed to make bad decisions over and over and iver again?). And now couch-bound recovering from another bout of the crud. Watching Ree's chocolate episode from 2012, and she says the most honest words she has ever uttered on television - I'm going to let these cool and then dip them in basically everything I could get my hands on last time I went to the store.

 

Followed vh a glimpse of her toppings shopping trip.

Bummer SP. It has been a crappier than usual winter. I hope you feel better soon!

[mamadani]

Ree's chocolate confessional episode was on today and she drives me insane acting like she's so crazy for loving this stuff. OH chocolate covered potatoe chips, Ree you are so wild.

[grisgris]

Hope everybody's been feeling better -- physically and emotionally. It's been a very rough winter The weather has been terrible (I guess that's relative) as well as the various viruses and not to mention what's been going on in our nation.

Spring will be here soon and hopefully, Ree will be back to irritate and entertain us with some new shows and I hope they aren't more of the clip-compilations that she seems to have grown so fond of.

[Lura]

Glad to see you back, grisgris and peaches.  Despite all the L's on the menu, I've been hibernating, too.  The news out of FL was hideous.  Ree didn't even seem important.

Oh, almost forgot to add that I caught a rerun of Ree guesting on a Trisha show.  I don't know what was with Ree, but she stood there like she thought she was Queen Eliz. and kept a permanent Cheshire grin on her face -- but had few words.  Betcha Trisha sweated that one out and was glad when Queen Ree was gone!

Edited February 24, 2018 by Lura
add-on

[cathy]

2 hours ago, Lura said:

Oh, almost forgot to add that I caught a rerun of Ree guesting on a Trisha show.  I don't know what was with Ree, but she stood there like she thought she was Queen Eliz. and kept a permanent Cheshire grin on her face -- but had few words.  Betcha Trisha sweated that one out and was glad when Queen Ree was gone

She tries to hang out with "real' celebrities to boost her probably low self esteem.  Look at me!! I'm soooo important!  Lots of people were sick this winter, this sounds trite but sometimes one just needs to be patient and take the medicine to control the symptoms.  I believe she made beef stroganoff this morning (I overslept).  What do you call a masturbating cow?..............BEEF STROGANOFF!!!   Sorry for the lame, tastless attempt at humor.  I couldn't control myself.  This joke I heard in grade school. 

[peacheslatour]

What do you call a person who mixes the liquid at the sealant factory? A CAULK SOAKER!

[grisgris]

/rimshot!

[grisgris]

I miss Aunt Sandy. This recipe is right up her alley!

http://www.delish.com/cooking/recipe-ideas/recipes/a58358/drunken-peanut-butter-cups-recipe/

[Lura]

6 hours ago, cathy said:

What do you call a masturbating cow?..............BEEF STROGANOFF!!!  

I was just about to say that I don't get it, but I think I do now.  That's a grade school joke?  Wow!  In my grade school, we didn't even know the word, let alone what it meant.  You must have been in Advanced Placement classes!

[cathy]

I think 6th or 7th grade.  I'm watching the Olympics.  Too bad they don't have a bullshitting and smoke blowing competition, Ree would win the gold.

[film noire]

7 hours ago, grisgris said:

I miss Aunt Sandy. This recipe is right up her alley!

http://www.delish.com/cooking/recipe-ideas/recipes/a58358/drunken-peanut-butter-cups-recipe/

Dammit, where's @Lisin when we need her bravery & expertise?  : )

*************

DIRECTIONS

In a mason jar, combine vodka and Reese’s pieces. Cover with tight-fitting lid and shake. Refrigerate overnight, then strain.

Fill a cocktail shaker with ice then pour over strained vodka, milk, and chocolate liqueur. Shake until chilled.

Put peanut butter on one small plate and crushed Reese's Pieces on another. Dunk tops of two cocktail glasses in peanut butter then roll in crushed Reese's Pieces.

Drizzle about a tablespoon of chocolate syrup into each glass. Divide cocktail mixture between glasses and garnish each with a peanut butter cup.

Take a picture. Be mocked. 

************

13 hours ago, cathy said:

What do you call a masturbating cow?.............

I know! I know! HARVEY WEINSTEIN!

Edited February 25, 2018 by film noire

[peacheslatour]

Quote

I know! I know! HARVEY WEINSTEIN!

Oh! The HUGE MANATEE!

[Lura]

Ree would love Harvey's attention!

Have you noticed that Ree is wearing new tops in her new episodes?  In her latest 16 Minute Meals (AGAIN!!!) episode, I thought the tops were hideous.  She loves those tents with big, flowered prints that look like old ladies wear.  If she would wear mostly solid color tops, it would take ten years off her age.  I still can't get over the fancy [expensive] blue dress she wore on "Trisha."  She looked like she was dressed for a wedding or something important, and good ol' Trisha was wearing her usual duds that anyone would wear while cooking and baking.

Oh yes, and for anyone who missed the show, Ree took Trisha a present -- a Mason jar of bacon fat, then insisted Trisha use some in her dish, saying that the dish isn't nearly as good without a heaping tablespoon of bacon fat stirred in.  As a favor, Trisha obliged.  Nobody has ever accused Ree of being reticent! 

I almost lost my cookies when Trisha asked Ree, "What's your husband's favorite dish?"  Never skipping a beat, Ree replied, "ME!"  (Another rim shot)  She is  really an original.  LOL

[Lisin]

On 2/25/2018 at 2:53 AM, film noire said:

Dammit, where's @Lisin when we need her bravery & expertise?  : )

*************

DIRECTIONS

In a mason jar, combine vodka and Reese’s pieces. Cover with tight-fitting lid and shake. Refrigerate overnight, then strain.

Fill a cocktail shaker with ice then pour over strained vodka, milk, and chocolate liqueur. Shake until chilled.

Put peanut butter on one small plate and crushed Reese's Pieces on another. Dunk tops of two cocktail glasses in peanut butter then roll in crushed Reese's Pieces.

Drizzle about a tablespoon of chocolate syrup into each glass. Divide cocktail mixture between glasses and garnish each with a peanut butter cup.

Take a picture. Be mocked. 

************

I know! I know! HARVEY WEINSTEIN!

Man! My friend who normally tries these sorts of things absolutely HATES the combo of peanut butter and chocolate... I suppose I could just omit the chocolate part though right? Also Barf. LOL

[film noire]

1 hour ago, Lisin said:

Man! My friend who normally tries these sorts of things absolutely HATES the combo of peanut butter and chocolate... I suppose I could just omit the chocolate part though right?

Also Barf. LOL

...the look of that vodka after an all night soak with Reese's pieces =   my dog's....evacuations?...stools? ...no, I got it: my dog's loose shit after she eats the inedible.

 

On 2/25/2018 at 12:54 PM, Lura said:

I almost lost my cookies when Trisha asked Ree, "What's your husband's favorite dish?"  Never skipping a beat, Ree replied, "ME!"  (Another rim shot) 

Gawd. Put me off solid food for days, that will.

Edited February 26, 2018 by film noire

[peacheslatour]

2 minutes ago, film noire said:

...the look of that vodka after an all night soak with Reese's pieces =   my dog's....evacuations?...stools? ...no, I got it: my dog's loose shit after she eats the inedible.

 

Gawd. Put me off solid food for days, that will.

And then the murders began....

[grisgris]

The intro to the peanut butter cup cocktail recipe on FB said something to the extent of "slamming them down all night." OMG! Can you imagine how sick you'd get, not to mention the hideous hangover you'd have the next day from all of that booze and sugar?

I could so see a yellow/orange/brown tablescape with Aunt Sandy wearing a colorblock dress in that color scheme. Bottoms up!

[Lura]

11 hours ago, film noire said:

Gawd. Put me off solid food for days, that will.

LOL

11 hours ago, peacheslatour said:

...the look of that vodka after an all night soak with Reese's pieces =

LOL

9 hours ago, grisgris said:

I could so see a yellow/orange/brown tablescape with Aunt Sandy wearing a colorblock dress in that color scheme.

 LOL  Perfect colors to go with Ree's orange hair.

Garnish-mad Ree would top with whipped cream, sifted cocoa, M&Ms in appropriate colors, a few salted peanuts, and proudly serve at her next Osage County cattlemen's dinner, the last one ever to be held at the Drummond Ranch.

[grisgris]

Any takers for this one?

http://www.delish.com/cooking/recipe-ideas/recipes/a58440/drunken-fruity-pebbles-recipe/

[Kohola3]

Holy crap, who thinks of this stuff?  That's just vile.

[Westiepeach]

Nope. 

[peacheslatour]

16 hours ago, Westiepeach said:

Nope. 

Oh, cmon! Who doesn't lurve sickeningly sweet kiddie cereal in their cocktails?

[Kohola3]

32 minutes ago, peacheslatour said:

Who doesn't lurve sickeningly sweet kiddie cereal in their cocktails?

Full of dyes in colors not known to nature.

[Westiepeach]

18 minutes ago, Kohola3 said:

Full of dyes in colors not known to nature.

Not unlike Ree's hair.

[Lura]

On ‎2‎/‎27‎/‎2018 at 3:38 PM, grisgris said:

Any takers for this one?

That is Ree in a glass.  Sweet milk and vodka, no.  Just NO.

Think of Ree's delight, though -- one MORE thing to pick up in the candy aisle!!!

[Lisin]

On 2/27/2018 at 6:38 PM, grisgris said:

Any takers for this one?

http://www.delish.com/cooking/recipe-ideas/recipes/a58440/drunken-fruity-pebbles-recipe/

Baaarrrf. I'm gonna need Delish to take a step back. Also I need them to stop putting milk in these things... you could probably convince me to do a shot of fruity pebbles infused vodka or something. But aside from a white russian I'm just a hard NOPE for milky alcohol. (oh, or Irish cream, but that's different). 

[Lura]

1 hour ago, Lisin said:

I'm just a hard NOPE for milky alcohol.

Oh, dang, Lisin!  When film noire hinted that you were brave, I was counting on you to try this one!!!  LOL  Geez, where's a mod when you really need one?  :)

Oh, I forgot to mention that I copied and pasted the Drunken Peanut Butter cocktail and emailed it to Ree, along with a fib that a friend had served it at a dinner party, and everyone raved about it.  She'll be onto me, though, I'm sure.  Delish sounds like it's one of the sites that Ree would love, so she's probably already seen the recipe.  It would be fun, though, if she filmed herself making this one or the other, adding her own ton of garnishes.  (I suggested sweetened whipped cream, a dusting of cocoa, topped with a cashew for the PB drink).  Blech.

Edited March 1, 2018 by Lura
typo

[grisgris]

One of the contestants on Kids' Baking Championship made a version of Rice Krispies treats (aka "rice cereal treats") and substituted Fruit Loops (aka "fruity cereal") /massive eyeroll. Even that looked gross.

I think Ree would create her own cereal cocktail and see her leaning towards Lucky Charms. I could see her getting mileage out of the colored marshmallows.

Wait, do they even make Lucky Charms anymore? The only processed cereal I eat on rare occasions is Grape Nuts.

[peacheslatour]

They still do make Lucky Charms and just added a new marshmallow: Unicorns.

[Lura]

I was raised on Wheaties, "The Breakfast of Champions."  My mom never let us eat any other cereal.  I remember going to camp, and they had packages of little boxes of a variety of cereals.  Remember those?  We can't find them anymore at our stores.  Every morning was the same -- glass of orange juice, bowl of Wheaties and toast.  Not bad, but monotonous.  Now, I almost never eat cereal of any kind.  I wouldn't know a Fruit Loop if I saw one.  Are they sweetened?  Sweetened cereal was verboten.

[IOU Payne]

Sweetened cereal was restricted to Saturday mornings in my house growing up.  It was considered a weekend treat for us to watch during Saturday morning cartoons.  Occasionally I have a nostalgic craving for Froot Loops.  But I usually have unsweetened oatmeal for breakfast.

[Westiepeach]

I got turned off any and all cereal when I was little and my mean older sister put orange juice in my Sugar Pops cereal and made me eat it. Never, ever ate another bowl of cereal again!

[peacheslatour]

2 hours ago, Westiepeach said:

I got turned off any and all cereal when I was little and my mean older sister put orange juice in my Sugar Pops cereal and made me eat it. Never, ever ate another bowl of cereal again!

My dad did that accidently to me. He tried draining it off and then pouring milk over it. Yeah, nice try dad but I could still taste the orange juice.

[cathy]

Today it's question day for Ree.  I have a question for you.  You have made more than $50 million dollars off of your PW brand (scam).  Where does that money go?  A trust fund? Or Switzerland, the Cayman Islands, the Bahamas?  Do tell.  I don't think your fans realize just how rich/savvy/urban/dishonest you really are.  Does anyone else have a question for our hardworking old fashioned gal?  I have another. When will you learn to cook?

[Honey]

On 3/2/2018 at 1:19 AM, Lura said:

I was raised on Wheaties, "The Breakfast of Champions."  My mom never let us eat any other cereal.  I remember going to camp, and they had packages of little boxes of a variety of cereals.  Remember those?  We can't find them anymore at our stores.  Every morning was the same -- glass of orange juice, bowl of Wheaties and toast.  Not bad, but monotonous.  Now, I almost never eat cereal of any kind.  I wouldn't know a Fruit Loop if I saw one.  Are they sweetened?  Sweetened cereal was verboten.

I'm sure your Mom meant well, but like most cereals sugar is the 2nd ingredient in Wheaties.  It also contains corn syrup, another baddie.

Edited March 5, 2018 by Honey

[Lura]

Here's a pet peeve I have about Ree.  She's big on saying, [q]Show you how I make it.[/q]  Then, we get her dumping a buncha stuff into a bowl but with no measurements.  She gives the ingredients as she dumps, but she doesn't say how much of each ingredient.  I guess if you want the recipe, you have to go to her website and look it up.  Would it be so much trouble to say, "Add 1/4 cup of olive oil?"

[Kohola3]

9 hours ago, Lura said:

Would it be so much trouble to say, "Add 1/4 cup of olive oil?

No, but the point is to make you go to that awful website that has 1300 pictures of each step (shot of teaspoon, shot of bottle of something, shot of pouring ingredient into teaspoon, shot of carrying teaspoon to bowl, shot of pouring ingredient into bowl - arrrggghhhhh!) which gives gives her website plenty of hits.  You have to scroll down for 5 minutes just to get to the damned recipe.

Luckily, there are zero times I want to make anything she's making so that's not an issue with me.  

And apparently her units of measure are "buncha" and "some".  I bet she has measure spoons and cups at the "Merc" with those measurements on them.  Hack.

[grisgris]

UGH!!! That a huge pet peeve of mine. If I were a TV host and interviewing her during one of her morning show appearances, I'd nail her on that.

45 minutes ago, Kohola3 said:

And apparently her units of measure are "buncha" and "some".  I bet she has measure spoons and cups at the "Merc" with those measurements on them.  Hack.

Ha! Ha! That's not too far-fetched. Many years ago, our division held a team-building sessions at the local culinary training center (for common folk, not aspiring professionals!) We had to conduct a "Chopped"-like exercise. On my team, I was the only one who could cook, so our team won for the best dessert. Long story short ... I won a set of tiny measuring spoons stamped with terms such as "smidge," and "dollop." They were cute and I think they are actual measurements like 1/8th tsp. etc.

[Lura]

THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS - Taco Bell, Inc.

Dear Ms. Drummond:

The time has come for us to direct our attorneys to prepare and to file litigation against you for smearing our name across America.  There was a time, not so long ago, when we gathered our ideas together and formed our company to introduce this country to primarily Mexican cooking.  Fortunately for us, the people of this country took well to our ideas and visited our branches of Taco Bell with great enthusiasm.  Over the past few years, however, the general public has begun to believe that your food is the definitive Mexican deal and that it is better than ours.  The dredge that you stir around in your iron skillets is no more authentic Mexican than it is authentic Polish.

Particularly irritating to us is your insistence on including products in your tacos, enchiladas and other so-called "Tex-Mex" recipes which no self-respecting Mexican would think of including in our products.  You load down dessert tacos with such products as chocolate chips, caramels, sprinkles, bananas, and any number of other travesties which give consumers the misleading idea that they can find such hideous conglomerations at their local Taco Bells.  In addition, you seem to insist on calling Mexican food "cowboy food," a misnomer if ever we have heard one.  Although we appreciate their business, we are most certainly not a restaurant for cowhands.

The straw that broke the burro's back was your utterances, time and time again, that you found no need to stop at your local fast food outlet to buy Mexican or Chinese or whatever else you were bashing in favor of cooking your recipes at home.  Your recipes, Ms. Drummond, bear no resemblance to the delicious and authentic Mexican food prepared at Taco Bell, or of any other Mexican fast food chain with which we are familiar!  You are using our good food and service to undermine our business and to misdirect American tastes about what real Mexican food is. 

We shall see you in court when our documents are in order.  Further, we intend to push for a change of venue from Osage County, Oklahoma, to a much more unbiased locale where the Drummonds carry no weight whatsoever.

Sincerely,

Tres Leches Alvaro

CEO, Taco Brands

Edited March 7, 2018 by Lura
typo

[Kohola3]

Send it, send it!!

[film noire]

13 hours ago, Lura said:

THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS - Taco Bell, Inc.

Dear Ms. Drummond:

(snip only for space)

 

I'd pay good money to watch you and Ree in a word-wrestling match, Lura  ;)

Edited March 8, 2018 by film noire

[Lura]

LOL, film noire.  I guess the joke is on me.  I meant for that thing to be funny, but it sounds like my friends here think that I was telling Ree off!  So much for my warped sense of humor!

 

 

 

 

 

1

[film noire]

1 minute ago, Lura said:

LOL, film noire.  I guess the joke is on me.  I meant for that thing to be funny, but it sounds like my friends here think that I was telling Ree off!  So much for my warped sense of humor!

 

Oh, it's absolutely funny -- that's why it's so good ; ) 

[Kohola3]

43 minutes ago, Lura said:

I meant for that thing to be funny...

And it was!  Well done!

[Lura]

15 hours ago, film noire said:

 

My mistake.

[chessiegal]

OMG! A friend of mine who lives in Alabama just shared a link to a pastry shop there that serves what they call "Monster Shakes" announcing that the red velvet cake was so popular they were keeping it on the menu for awhile longer. It was a ridiculous shake with a slice of red velvet cake on top. Should have known Ree stole the idea. Not an original idea in her head.

monster shakes

[Lura]

On ‎3‎/‎10‎/‎2018 at 4:43 PM, chessiegal said:

monster shakes

OH, those monster cakes!  They are the biggesr waste and cause of sugar, calories, dental rot, diahrrea, nausea, bloating,  REVOLTING!!!

[peacheslatour]

3 hours ago, Lura said:

OH, those monster cakes!  They are the biggesr waste and cause of sugar, calories, dental rot, diahrrea, nausea, bloating,  REVOLTING!!!

O.k. Jackie Chiles! ;-)

[cathy]

Her magazine is being sold at Dollar General.  I thought only China-Mart sold it.  The usual stupid, bland same old woman's magazine stuff.  Nothing special.  Typical recipies you find in any woman's magazine. This is off topic, but March 24-25 petco is having an event with a person dressed as an Easter Bunny and you can have your pets picture taken with it.  It's free too.  I am looking forward to that.  Just thought I'd mention that.

[peacheslatour]

16 minutes ago, cathy said:

Her magazine is being sold at Dollar General.  I thought only China-Mart sold it.  The usual stupid, bland same old woman's magazine stuff.  Nothing special.  Typical recipies you find in any woman's magazine. This is off topic, but March 24-25 petco is having an event with a person dressed as an Easter Bunny and you can have your pets picture taken with it.  It's free too.  I am looking forward to that.  Just thought I'd mention that.

Aww, sounds super cute!