A Case Of The Mondays: Vent Your Work Spleen Here

[MargeGunderson]

11 hours ago, theredhead77 said:

 

This was a meeting earlier this week. Not today. I edited my original post to clarify. There are boatloads of emails of me begging for help. I'm concerned he's going to tell my boss I "walked* out of a meeting".

*meeting is virtual, it's a proverbial walked out.

Your coworker was definitely out of line. I’ve done the same thing (walked out) and explained that the conversation was not productive and I would be happy to continue it when all parties could be civil. You shouldn’t have to put up with that, and I’m sorry that it is affecting your holidays. I hope the new year brings you a new job in a location that you love.

[bilgistic]

I'm still mad about this exchange with my boss that happened five hours ago.

Yesterday I was in the office and got in the mail a packet of 95 invoices from our registered agent service. Our company owns roughly 100 entities, and has just changed registered agent services. As I've only been doing this godforsaken accounts payable work for about nine months and this was a packet of annual invoices, this process was new to me. I know what registered agents are/what they do because I worked for a public holdings company in the early 2000s.

I had to scan and then separate (in Acrobat) and name each invoice, and create a chart for the invoices. Five different people have to approve payment of the invoices depending upon ownership entities. My boss wanted me to draft to her the emails (with mini charts and zipped invoice files) before sending them to the portfolio account managers/approvers.

I spent a few hours working on this (because 95 invoices), and when I finally sent the separate emails to her, she okayed one set of four invoices. The next set was returned with notes about what all I had done wrong.

I asked her in Teams messaging about how X was wrong in the second packet when Y was right in the first packet, especially when I'd followed her example provided in Teams messaging yesterday. She sassily told me her example was correct because of reasons. I finally figured out what she was talking about, but asked her to give us more complex examples in the future, because in that and another recent case with my coworker, we did exactly what she said, but were "wrong" because there were "exceptions" in the work we were doing. I said that would help us be less confused and lead to less frustration for us all.

She continued to berate me about what I was doing, telling me it was "simple" coding and I "should've asked" her if I had questions. LITERALLY WHAT ARE DRAFTS FOR IF NOT QUESTIONS. I told her that this was a new vendor and new invoicing, and that obviously she thought it was going to be challenging since she wanted me to draft the emails to her before I sent them to the approvers. I said, as I have before, that I need her to be more open when I am doing a task for the first time. She kept on and on.

I finally said, "I'm not going to argue with you, [Fuckface]. I'm sorry I didn't live up to your expectations." It was 4:30, and I immediately logged off.

I'm still furious over it. Obviously it doesn't matter because hi, I'm here bitching about it again, but I've asked her repeatedly to change her tone with me. The way she treats me is completely unacceptable. When a subordinate is learning something for the first time, telling them it is "simple" when they are struggling is a fucking asshole move.

I have no one to go to over her behavior. She has no real boss. I've expressed several times to the other "boss" I work for how she acts (he's kind of our office director), and it's pissing in the wind. My agency doesn't give a shit, and I don't trust them anyway.

I kind of feel like revisiting it tomorrow and telling her that it's not OK, but what's the point. I hate feeling like this. She makes me feel like a stupid, insignificant child, and I know that's her narcissistic gaslighting. I'm smart as hell, and my coworker wouldn't have begun to know how to tackle that file. Neither of them would have thought to export the invoice summary pages to Excel to create the chart, which made naming the extracted invoice files quick and easy. I just didn't match up the ownerships to the funds in my chart because my boss's example didn't have that, but my ESP was on the fritz again.

Meanwhile, over Christmas, she re-covered her other subordinate's/BFF's dining chairs with her.🙃

Edited December 29, 2021 by bilgistic

[Cloud9Shopper]

Back to work after taking some of the last of my PTO. Ugh I wish I could find work at a company that closed during this weird week but I know that’s unlikely unless you work in one of a few sectors, so oh well.

My goal for 2022 is to find a new job and complete my career transition to instructional design, whether that means a promotion at my current job or going to a new company. I’m starting to stress a bit about the immense amount of competition, though. It seems like every day I see yet another person who says  “I’m a teacher who’s looking to switch…” and we’re all super driven. I just hope I can make this change work. 

[bilgistic]

I had a migraine last night and slept like crap, so I took a sick day today. I slept until after 2pm partially because of my migraine meds. My boss continued sending me emails about what I did wrong instead of accepting the fact that I said I would fix the invoices when she pointed out the errors in the first place. I'm definitely having a conversation with her tomorrow. She's out of control.

[Cloud9Shopper]

Got an invite to an interview for an instructional design job! It seems to be an on-site job as opposed to fully remote, but my interview next week is virtual. That said, if I were to get an offer, I’d definitely take it and working on-site would be worth it to get experience and launch a new career.

And if I don’t get the job, then at least I know what to expect next time I get an interview and can do better! 

[Bookish Jen]

On 1/7/2022 at 7:08 AM, Cloud9Shopper said:

Got an invite to an interview for an instructional design job! It seems to be an on-site job as opposed to fully remote, but my interview next week is virtual. That said, if I were to get an offer, I’d definitely take it and working on-site would be worth it to get experience and launch a new career.

And if I don’t get the job, then at least I know what to expect next time I get an interview and can do better! 

Good luck!

[KittyMom4]

I have a coworker who is a constant chit-chatter with anyone who walks by her desk. I hear the same conversation all day long, over and over and over. A lot of it is her humble-bragging about her parenting skills or seasonal hobby and it is all done at an irritating vocal level. We sit 8 ft apart, I am able to have a conversation with someone in a low tone, without loud bouts of laugher and or shouts of surprise that disrupts everyone around me. She has been on vacation for a week and comes back in two days and I am dreading it. The silence has been wonderful and I know Thursday morning it will be a full on chat-fest about her vacation. 

The worst part is our office is slowly being remodeled to have a more "open" feel, less cubicles, more flat spaces. It will be horrible. Thankfully it won't come into our area for at least a year.

Retirement in 92 months.....

 

[Mondrianyone]

Noise-canceling headphones?

[MargeGunderson]

1 hour ago, Mondrianyone said:

Noise-canceling headphones?

Those worked wonders for me when I sat next to someone who was both incredibly loud and incredibly verbose. She was a delight.

[magicdog]

While editing this morning, my partner and I noticed things suddenly slowed down.  We get a reply from on of the producers that they were in the middle of a lesson (presumably to learn about a new computer thing).  As if they couldn't have had this lesson on the weekend or after the show?  We have deadlines!

Meanwhile, since our buyout, the new overlords have a new system for clocking in and out.  We used to use a system in which we filled in the times we were expected to work and the times we are expected to go out to break.  Now we literally have to clock in and out EVERY SINGLE TIME.  Plus, we get logged out after a while so we have to log back in to record our attendance.  I hate it.  

3 hours ago, BexKeps said:

I have a coworker who is a constant chit-chatter with anyone who walks by her desk.

Sorry.  The Assistant News Director has an annoying cackle (not laugh, not giggle, cackle)!  You always know when she's in the building when you hear it.  At least I can block out most noise in my edit bay.  

[Cloud9Shopper]

Some days I wonder how many people are actually working from home as opposed to “working” from home. My workload keeps starting and stalling because projects keep running behind, and because of the nature of my job I cannot work until people above me get their steps done. Apparently my boss said that management is still deciding what projects they want to work on in this first cycle. Um, hello? Isn’t it almost the middle of January? Work should be underway. I am tired of having to beg for scraps because the people I am depending on cannot pull themselves together. 

Sigh. I have no way of predicting how well my interview next week (it got rescheduled) will go, but if it goes well and I get the offer, then I am putting in my two weeks barring any red flags. I can’t take this constant boredom anymore. It’s been going on for four-and-a-half months and my boss doesn’t seem to care or just says something about “well it will pick up soon!” And I am not having performance issues and haven’t been disciplined so I don’t think that’s the problem. I am consistently told I do a good job. There’s just no work.

I know everyone and their sibling (and their mom, and their dog) believes they excel at working from home, but I’m convinced that some people aren’t as diligent and hard workers at home as they claim. 

[bilgistic]

Yesterday, I recorded our controller's maniacal laugh and sent it to my mother and sister and later played it for my boyfriend. No one believed me when I said how crazy his laugh is. He and his work BFF were being watching sports videos in the middle of the day and cackling while the rest of us were trying to work. If I knew how to upload it so y'all could hear it, I would. It's just beyond.

ETA: Here you go!

Edited January 12, 2022 by bilgistic

[KittyMom4]

On 1/11/2022 at 10:57 AM, Mondrianyone said:

Noise-canceling headphones?

I wish, but they are not allowed in my position, administrative assistant. I'm on and off the phone, talking to people at my desk - quietly - keeping my boss on schedule.  At some point I may have to point it out to her, I don't want to be that person but it has become very disruptive.

 

On 1/11/2022 at 2:17 PM, Cloud9Shopper said:

Some days I wonder how many people are actually working from home as opposed to “working” from home.

Yes, we have the same issue where I work, it'll be interesting to see how they start managing the WFH's if it becomes a permanent thing. It's frustrating when I email or call someone at 8:30am and they don't return my call until after lunch. One person in particular, an admin like myself, is horrible with this. 90% of her job is responding to emails and phone calls yet she will go hours without responding. Very interesting.

[Mondrianyone]

4 hours ago, BexKeps said:

I wish, but they are not allowed in my position,

That's too bad. I'm so sorry you have to put up with that. Have you had a direct (tactful or not) talk with the bigmouth about keeping it down?

[Cloud9Shopper]

I have had it with being bored at work. I had my regular check in with my boss today and he said management is still (?!) figuring out what projects they want to work on in this cycle so we’ll be slow for a couple more weeks. This has been a repeat pattern for months now; our last project cycle actually ran behind because management couldn’t work things out and we were having delays of all kinds. It was awful and I don’t know if anyone seems to care anymore. 

I am not one of those people who enjoys being bored at work and relishes in all the downtime. I hate getting tedious busy work instead of actual projects that grow my skills, and months of tasks that take 20 minutes and filling in spreadsheets when that’s not really my job title doesn’t work. I am never one of those people who posts on Reddit asking for jobs where they can work at home making tons of money for a light workload. I want to learn and be challenged (and yes I have told my boss I’d like to get experience on ABC and he agrees but then nothing comes of it…all empty promises).

I am going to be working on my interview prep for my interview next week over the next couple days. I am crossing my fingers that I get an offer because I don’t know how much more I can take of mundane, blah tasks because the stuff I was actually hired to work on never seems to go forward and management is so disorganized. 

[bilgistic]

As y'all know, I'm a contract employee employed through an agency. The company for which I work uses three different agencies for its staff and no one seems to know how we are supposed to record our time for holidays. Sometimes we don't record it with our agencies' timesheets; sometimes we do.

We were off on January 3 for New Year's Day (why the 3rd and not December 31, I don't know). I asked and was told not to record my time online with my agency timesheet. OK. So my boss emailed the admin at my agency and told her to pay me for the holiday.

My pay today was eight hours short. I was not paid for the holiday. I emailed the admin and my agency rep (who is evil) and cc'd my boss. My agency rep replied that the admin had been off work because she got married. OK, great, so how many people didn't get paid because they didn't forward her email!?!

Fucking clowns.

Edited January 15, 2022 by bilgistic

[bilgistic]

I truly can't believe it, but my concerns about how many people were in the office daily were actually heard and responded to! I sent an email this weekend to the office director (of sorts) and told him I was concerned about how many people were coming to the office daily when they didn't have to be there. I cited the recent elevated COVID cases and hospitalizations statistics.

There are as many as nine people—two of whom have had COVID recently—in our very small office some days when most everyone else in the company (we have a few offices in different locales) works from home. My coworker and I have to trade off days in the office because we get the mail and deposit the checks that come in.

The office director discussed it with the managing directors and they agreed that people who didn't need to be there shouldn't be. He told us all in a brief Teams meeting this afternoon.

I thanked him privately and asked him to extend my thanks to the other directors for taking our safety seriously.

[chocolatine]

On 11/25/2021 at 3:11 PM, emma675 said:

Well, then I'm the outlier because I don't want to hear why a company didn't want me, lol. If I'm not going to be working with them, I don't want to hear all the reasons why they didn't think I was good enough. For me, that would undermine my confidence while I'm in the final rounds of other interviews. 

Late to the party, but want to chime in with my perspective as a hiring manager. Many times it's not that a candidate isn't "good enough" but that they're not the best fit for our specific requirements. I have interviewed many brilliant people who I'm sure will become very successful once they find a job that's a good fit for their unique skillset. In those cases, I always ask the recruiter to tell the rejected candidate that I enjoyed talking to them and am rooting for them (and if a candidate reaches out to me directly to ask for feedback, I tell them the same thing).

I know the process can seem adversarial from a job hunter's perspective, but a lot us who go into management do it out of a desire to help people succeed, even if we're not able to offer them a job. That's why we offer interview feedback to rejected candidates.

[Stats Queen]

40 minutes ago, chocolatine said:

Late to the party, but want to chime in with my perspective as a hiring manager. Many times it's not that a candidate isn't "good enough" but that they're not the best fit for our specific requirements. I have interviewed many brilliant people who I'm sure will become very successful once they find a job that's a good fit for their unique skillset. In those cases, I always ask the recruiter to tell the rejected candidate that I enjoyed talking to them and am rooting for them (and if a candidate reaches out to me directly to ask for feedback, I tell them the same thing).

I know the process can seem adversarial from a job hunter's perspective, but a lot us who go into management do it out of a desire to help people succeed, even if we're not able to offer them a job. That's why we offer interview feedback to rejected candidates.

As an organization psychologist I totally agree. When you are hiring you are not only hiring for the ability and competency need to be able do the work (person-job fit) but someone who fits into your team dynamic and fits with the organization (person-organization fit).

That being said, no hiring process is perfect. 

 I am so glad that you give the recruiter feedback to provide to the applicant, that is so important and often overlooked.

Doing a lot of consulting focused on organization assessment, alignment and employee engagement, I have seen a lot of bad and and a lot of good hiring processes. 
Many times external factors have an undue impact on hiring decisions.

That being said, If the hiring manager is able to make the right decision for his/her team without undue influence, it is usually the best fit.

 

[theatremouse]

On 1/14/2022 at 9:04 PM, bilgistic said:

We were off on January 3 for New Year's Day (why the 3rd and not December 31, I don't know).

Usually this is done because January 1, 2022 is one of 2022's paid holidays, so companies generally want its replacement has to be in 2022, not 2021.

[bilgistic]

One of the two new staff accountants fresh out of college who started with the company in August has gotten a new job already. He was hired from Phoenix because they "couldn't find anyone who fit their qualifications"...in a metro area with a labor force of almost 1.4 million people.

He and the other new guy make more money than I do, and I graduated 25 years ago.

[bilgistic]

On 1/17/2022 at 6:45 PM, bilgistic said:

I truly can't believe it, but my concerns about how many people were in the office daily were actually heard and responded to! I sent an email this weekend to the office director (of sorts) and told him I was concerned about how many people were coming to the office daily when they didn't have to be there. I cited the recent elevated COVID cases and hospitalizations statistics.

There are as many as nine people—two of whom have had COVID recently—in our very small office some days when most everyone else in the company (we have a few offices in different locales) works from home. My coworker and I have to trade off days in the office because we get the mail and deposit the checks that come in.

The office director discussed it with the managing directors and they agreed that people who didn't need to be there shouldn't be. He told us all in a brief Teams meeting this afternoon.

I thanked him privately and asked him to extend my thanks to the other directors for taking our safety seriously.

Quoting myself because I forgot to mention that they're allowing six people in the office daily, "So let the office manager know if you want to fill up one of the spots." Um, no. That's not how this is supposed to work.

[Cloud9Shopper]

My job interview yesterday went well…so well that I made it to the second interview, which will be on Friday! 

I’m still taking it one step at a time and trying not to be too excited but given that I’m working on a career change, I’m pleasantly surprised that I’ve made it this far. I also go back to school on Monday so things are happening a bit fast right now…but in a good way!

[funky-rat]

You had given me some good advice a few years back on my job, so I thought I'd try again, but this time, it's for my husband.  This may get long.

 

Backstory - he was ousted from the industry he had been in largely continuously for over 20 years, due to a combination of a bully boss who came in part way through his time there, and his PTSD/Chronic Anxiety (not a veteran, but the survivor of severe abuse at the hand of a parent - certain things trigger him, like yelling, or calling him stupid) getting the best of him.  Tied to a non-compete, he bounced around between other jobs, but being over 45, and being the low man down the line, he got laid off or made redundant, and had more periods of unemployment, and a bout of illness brought on by a doctor overmedicating him.  It also didn't help that his old bully boss was purposely tanking him to people (we have proof, and threatened to sue the company).  This has been incredibly stressful for both of us (I suffer from anxiety and OCD).  About 2.5 years ago, his non-compete was up, and he returned to his old industry, but in a different segment of the industry, to avoid any issues with his old company.  He spent 2 years with that company (one he had worked for before with good success), and thought he'd be fine.  But after a bit, it became apparent it was no longer the same company, and cutting costs was the order of the day.  Being stuck with broken equipment, a terrible coworker who had substance abuse issues and was just generally disgusting with leaving rotting trash around, etc, and a boss who was asking him to do shady things, he opted to leave.  He had paid for some licensing education hoping he would make even a little more money, but he never received even a penny raise in 2 years, and was never reimbursed for the schooling.  Plus, the pay was hourly plus guaranteed overtime and commission, so the low rate of pay was always bolstered by other things.  The company ended up cutting all overtime, and his boss rarely gave him any jobs earning commission, so people at Wal-Mart were making more than him.  He left the right way - he spoke to other companies, picked the best one (he was not wanting for options), and put in a 2 week notice.

 

His boss at the new place was great, but tends to be high strung at times.  He understood my husband had issues and worked with him, and he had great co-workers that had his back.  But there was one that was a button-pusher.  No one at the place liked this guy, but for some reason, the boss was willing to put up with him.  He was not a great worker, made a lot of mistakes, frequently lied about having COVID symptoms so as to get paid time off waiting for testing (which was always negative), and just made things miserable.  My husband tolerated him for a while, but then it really began to wear at him, and things started to go downhill with his anxiety.  He worked with his doctors to come up with a gameplan, and the boss was supportive.

 

Early on in his time with the company, he was called on a few times to sub in at another branch who was very short handed.  They really liked him, and tried to poach him.  They kept telling him they were more laid back than his current boss, and the problem coworker wasn't there (they knew about the guy - he'd been sent down to sub and they disliked him so much that they sent him back and said they'd rather be short handed), and painted all sunshine and roses.  This kind of thing has happened before at other jobs and it always plants a seed that I wish it wouldn't.

 

There was an assistant manager without a vehicle.  Others were going out of their way to take him back and forth, and a few times they asked my husband if he could pick the guy up, or take him home, since he drove by the guy's house and they were unable to run him.  He was supposedly in the process of buying a vehicle, so my husband agreed to start picking him up so the shop foreman (who he really likes, and the foreman really likes him) could get a break.  He figured it would be temporary.  Except the assistant mgr never bought another car.  And eventually picking him up turned into also taking him home, so he'd be out for over 12 hours sometimes while the shop shut down, then he ran the guy to the bank, then ran our errands, etc.  He never got paid or offered any fuel for this.  There's also a mandatory morning meeting where all the boss does is complain about stuff, which sets his anxiety off.

 

About the time he hit 5 months with the company, his nerves were jangled a ton.  He was agitated with the loser coworker (he's not the only one), who was spending more time on his phone than working and making comments that didn't need to be made.  He blew off at the boss a few times about this guy and his comments.  My husband made a comment that he should have gone to the other branch when they wanted him.  To make matters worse, he took the assistant mgr into a store with him, and he behaved very badly.  He embarrassed my husband so much that when the assistant manager walked out to the car, he stayed behind and apologized for his behavior. They were both wearing clothing with the company logo on it, and he was concerned.

 

After 6 months there, they hired an additional person.  His anxiety kicked in, because he thought they were at capacity for workers, and he was assured that he was going to be a floater by several people and wasn't there for his job, but he got into an argument later in the week with the same moron coworker, and the boss said he was going to transfer him to the other store in the hopes he'd be better there.  They talked it out and had no hard feelings, and off he went.

 

Initially, everything improved greatly.  He was told they thought morning meetings were stupid, and they gave him steady start and stop hours that gave him back 2 hours in the day.  But after a month, the shine wore off.  The foreman there is a nut.  He screams non-stop (I've witnessed it).  Don't dare ask him for help.  Don't dare ask him if he wants help.  Don't dare play the radio.  He will throw things at people.  He will scream about things so loudly that if he's outside, you can hear him inside.  Clearly.  There is one guy there he likes, and one that's only there until his seasonal job pops back up again, and he's quitting, and doesn't care about anything or anyone, and complains constantly.  They all get a weekday off because they work a weekend day, and the foreman is the one who has the day off that my husband needs to go to his doctor appointments for his anxiety.  He explained this to the nut, and asked if he'd trade a day once every 2 months.  Nope - he says he's not obligated to help him, and to figure it out on his own.  The doctor he needs to see isn't in on the day my husband has off (he had a different day off at the old shop - nut has that day off at this shop).  He eventually works it out with the boss, and all is OK with his appointments.  Recently, we stopped in at the old shop to drop off something for the foreman he had there.  Old co-workers all come over to greet him and say they miss him - the jerk coworker has to come over and put his two cents in, but the old foreman tells him to take a hike.  One week later, a floating manager tells him that the jerk from the old shop has been fired, finally.  He says to me that he half wonders if he made a mistake transferring, but decides he still likes the new bosses better, and he leaves it there.  I asked him how nut was when he subbed there.  The problem is that nut was the one he was subbing for, so he had no idea what he was like.  There was one day when nut went off on my husband really badly, and he told the boss he needed a few minutes and sat outside, and shook because his nerves were shot.  The boss told nut to ease off (and actually told everyone to not yell at him), and asked if my husband was OK.  He said yes, and things blew over.

 

About 2 weeks ago, things took a sharp downturn.  This is traditionally a slow time of year for that industry, and it's not unusual to be told there is no overtime, and that they may occasionally take turns going home early or coming in late if there are no customers.  But it's really bad at the new shop.  Some days, they don't take in enough to pay the electric bill, and he's losing, on average, a day a week.  He's also not making much commission - hasn't since he's been there - because the bosses don't believe in selling services (I'm not looking to get into whether they're needed or not - it's not the point) and the foreman (nut) takes all of the commission jobs for himself - one of the reasons he left his old company (the shop he transferred from had policies in place to prohibit that, such as the foreman not being the one  to distribute the jobs).  After a particularly bad morning one day last week, he and the boss got into an argument, precipitated by nut being his usual self.  It didn't help that they had no business that morning, and the assistant mgr had been out for over 2 weeks with COVID, and likely has corporate screaming at him for having no business.  The boss decided that he and my husband were both upset, and he sent him home so they weren't crabbing at each other all day - he was going to have to send someone home anyway.  Then this past weekend, he asked his bosses if I could bring my car in for 15 minutes worth of work.  They said absolutely, since we don't have a garage and it's bitter cold here.  With a waiting room full of people, nut went off on my husband, and people could hear every word.  He continued to scream even after the boss pulled him aside and told him they approved it.  After nut went off, my husband came in, shaking, and said "This upsets me" a little loudly (but didn't yell).  The boss pulled him aside, talked to him, and told him to go work on my car, but he didn't want to get screamed at, so I took my keys and left, but not before telling the bosses that while I didn't want to really get involved, no one deserves to be spoken to like that.  They made excuses for nut, but acknowledged that nut can be difficult.

 

Last night, after being sent home shortly after lunch because they were dead, he said that had he known the jerk co-worker was going to be fired, he'd have stuck it out.  And I reminded him of another time he left a job because someone promised him everything, but they delivered on nothing and he wasted 6 years there.  He expressed a desire to go back to the old shop because he really misses his team of good coworkers who cared.  He realized that sometimes means more than a boss who is a little high strung at times.  The one coworker he likes at the current shop quietly told him he had an interview today for a new job - he has a baby on the way and can't live on what he's making there.  If that guy leaves, and the one goes back to his seasonal job where he makes triple (which would happen in a month or so), that leaves my husband with nut, and a kid who comes in a few hours a day from the local tech school, to get practical experience who graduates in a few months.  He will not stick around.  His family owns a company he will be working for.

 

I read some articles about getting back an old job.  They were pretty much in line with what I thought, which was to first contact old coworkers, and see what they think, and get them on his side.  If that goes well, the second thought was to swing by the old branch on his day off next week and speak to his old boss, which coincides with what the articles say.  After this is where I get iffy because it's a different situation than the articles outline.  He doesn't want to point fingers (something the articles say you should not do) but how do you get the point across that this branch is run better, and highlight some issues with the new branch, like them not having any business and you losing a lot of pay, and also how you don't get commission jobs because they're not distributed.  And he genuinely likes the bosses there and does not want to badmouth them in any way, but their style is almost too laid back, and then there is no order.  He didn't realize just what the nut was like, and that was way more than he bargained for, but that's a touchy topic he's afraid to approach.

 

He has a definite long-term plan, and this company genuinely has great opportunities for advancement - it's one reason he chose them.  And he feels his best chance to achieve that is to go back to where people cared about him, and he got along with the coworkers (we would have cookouts on weekends, etc. - that will never happen at the current branch).  I think he should say that he's not necessarily ready to jump ship yet, but there are things coming down the pipeline that concern him, and he's hoping to transfer back soon - especially if things happen quickly.  I'm not sure what to tell him as to how to say it.  He will be talking to his old foreman on that, but suggestions are always welcome.

 

I'd also like him to return to therapy, and honestly, I could use it too. I recently also set a long-term goal, and I could use some help in staying on track and achieving it.  That's something that could be thrown out if his boss brings up past issues with that coworker that was fired.  The old boss is very much a "pull yourself up" kind of guy, and I think that's how he needs to approach it - that he made an error in judgment, and he's taken steps to prevent that in the future.  That he has set a long-term goal and he wants to stay with the company because he believes he can do it, and he believes the old boss is the one to help him get there.  If things go his way, he does want to politely tell them he won't be able to run the assistant manager back and forth anymore with regularity.  It was taking too many hours out of his day.  He is about to go on some medication that will make him go to the bathroom a lot, and he'll likely have to make a stop on the way up to work to go, and that will affect his ability to pick him up, and he's getting home too late when he takes him back.

 

Sorry for the long post - it's not an easy situation.  Thoughts welcome.

Edited January 20, 2022 by funky-rat
Mixed dates up

[SuprSuprElevated]

On 1/20/2022 at 2:27 PM, funky-rat said:

Sorry for the long post - it's not an easy situation.  Thoughts welcome.

Okay, you asked...

Your DH sounds like someone prone to victimhood, and should pursue a work from home solution.  I mean no disrespect, but some folks just operate better independently.  I don't work terribly well in an office setting, so I created a job which enabled me to work largely alone.  Know your strengths/weaknesses and mold your life accordingly.  It's either that, or he needs to thicken his skin.  A lot.

[funky-rat]

16 hours ago, SuprSuprElevated said:

Okay, you asked...

Your DH sounds like someone prone to victimhood, and should pursue a work from home solution.  I mean no disrespect, but some folks just operate better independently.  I don't work terribly well in an office setting, so I created a job which enabled me to work largely alone.  Know your strengths/weaknesses and mold your life accordingly.  It's either that, or he needs to thicken his skin.  A lot.

Not offended, but unfortunately, he has zero skills to work from home.  No office training or anything like that.  The thought had crossed my mind previously.  I wouldn't say he's prone to victimhood, but he can be sensitive, and his prior workplace issue (when he lost a job we thought he'd be at forever where he had massive success) gives him horrible workplace anxiety.  He is going to be getting therapy for that.  Honesty, I could use it too.  It's derailed his drive, and he needs to get that back.  When he has drive, he's not so sensitive, but this is a work in progress.  He also never received any proper counseling when he found a co-worker at said prior job deceased.  They'd worked together at two different places for over 20 years and were friends.  It really affected him badly.  The company he was with at that time sent him for 3 sessions, but they really didn't help.

The co-worker he likes the most put his 2 week notice in yesterday.  The screaming nut tested positive for COVID, so he won't be dealing with him for a bit, at least (they sent everyone for testing - my husband came back negative - I guess it paid off that he stays away from the guy).

[Cloud9Shopper]

I had my second interview for the instructional design job I really want. I’ll know by early next week if I get it because the organization has a long onboarding process so the hiring committee was looking to move quick once the interviews were done. So, fingers crossed! I have done around 60 applications and I am ready to be done searching!  

[supposebly]

1 hour ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

I had my second interview for the instructional design job I really want.

Crossing my fingers!

[MargeGunderson]

Good luck, @Cloud9Shopper!

[bilgistic]

On 1/21/2022 at 6:08 PM, SuprSuprElevated said:

Okay, you asked...

Your DH sounds like someone prone to victimhood, and should pursue a work from home solution.  I mean no disrespect, but some folks just operate better independently.  I don't work terribly well in an office setting, so I created a job which enabled me to work largely alone.  Know your strengths/weaknesses and mold your life accordingly.  It's either that, or he needs to thicken his skin.  A lot.

Sensitive folks don't need to harden themselves. Insensitive folks need not to be assholes and/or "victimize" others. Being "sensitive" can be a natural response to trauma, no matter how relatively minor.

The caveat with being "sensitive" is that it's incredibly draining. We take on the burdens of people who won't do their part. We carry the emotional load of those who don't care. We worry about things that most others just shrug off. And we tend to attract "users" who drain our energy just because they can.

@funky-rat, it does sound as if your husband would benefit first from working with a therapist on setting up personal boundaries, especially and immediately with being the coworker's chauffeur. It seems you both know that it needs to end because of the time and energy expenditure.

I work on my boundaries, and when I am doing well at it, I can feel a huge difference in my job, like a weight has lifted. It's reframing how I engage with and react to others. It's hard, but I think it would benefit your husband to do similar work. It will feel really uncomfortable at first, but his peace is so much more important than others' temporary discomfort because he's not going far out of his way to accommodate them.

I wish you both the best.

ETA: I'm sorry I don't have more insight. I read your post again, and I agree with you that your husband shouldn't believe in empty promises. It's especially important he be wary when his company—regardless of branch—has proven to continually enable destructive personalities.

The only way I know to relate to this is to say how I feel about my job: I'm not happy about it for a number of reasons, and my boss is a hellbeast. There are pros and cons. No one is going to make the situation better for me nor is the company going to change. I have to decide what is best for my mental health and then work toward finding and preserving my peace.

Everyone deserves a safe and healthy place to work.

Edited January 23, 2022 by bilgistic

[chocolatine]

23 hours ago, bilgistic said:

The caveat with being "sensitive" is that it's incredibly draining. We take on the burdens of people who won't do their part. We carry the emotional load of those who don't care. We worry about things that most others just shrug off. And we tend to attract "users" who drain our energy just because they can.

[...]

I work on my boundaries, and when I am doing well at it, I can feel a huge difference in my job, like a weight has lifted. It's reframing how I engage with and react to others. It's hard, but I think it would benefit your husband to do similar work. It will feel really uncomfortable at first, but his peace is so much more important than others' temporary discomfort because he's not going far out of his way to accommodate them.

[...]

The only way I know to relate to this is to say how I feel about my job: I'm not happy about it for a number of reasons, and my boss is a hellbeast. There are pros and cons. No one is going to make the situation better for me nor is the company going to change. I have to decide what is best for my mental health and then work toward finding and preserving my peace.

We all have personal traits that are self-sabotaging and hold us back from our goals. The most successful people I know are very conscious of how they hold themselves back and are constantly working to overcome that. You are right to set boundaries and also right that your workplace won't change to suit your personality. No workplace is perfect, and many are terrible, but we are always 100% in control of how we react to a situation. I know this is much harder than it sounds, but it's what needs to be done if we don't want to go through life constantly feeling like a victim of our circumstances.

ETA: I highly recommend working through those issues with a mentor or career coach. Most of us have blind spots about our biggest weaknesses, and it's not until we get an outside perspective from a neutral party (i.e. someone who is not a boss, coworker, or spouse) that we recognize what the problem is.

Edited January 24, 2022 by chocolatine

[Lady Whistleup]

Ok I am fuming. I gave a test and gave my co-teacher the answer key. He pulled out a small group for the test and then gave the answer key to the students and they simply copied. He said he was doing it because they were getting "disruptive." 

[Browncoat]

32 minutes ago, Lady Whistleup said:

Ok I am fuming. I gave a test and gave my co-teacher the answer key. He pulled out a small group for the test and then gave the answer key to the students and they simply copied. He said he was doing it because they were getting "disruptive." 

That's not how tests work!  I'm fuming on your behalf.

[magicdog]

2 hours ago, Lady Whistleup said:

Ok I am fuming. I gave a test and gave my co-teacher the answer key. He pulled out a small group for the test and then gave the answer key to the students and they simply copied. He said he was doing it because they were getting "disruptive." 

I hope you plan on reporting him for that!  He completely ruined the point of the exam.  

 

[Cloud9Shopper]

My boss’s boss actually gave us assigned reading before tomorrow’s team meeting on how to have a “growth mindset.” Ironically, several of us hold the one title in the department where there is little room for promotion. We can’t become a “senior ABC” where others have the opportunity to be “senior XYZ” with their job title. And yet she wants us all to read this and pretend we care. Boss’s Boss is nice but tone deaf. She is all about things like wanting to play “two truths and a lie” when she had her first meeting with us, and she wants to practically force us to talk and discuss about meaningless corporate crap. It’s like she doesn’t get the memo that we’re not an overly sociable group into hokey team building and assigned readings. 

[Cloud9Shopper]

No update on the potential job really. The hiring manager said he is waiting on interview evaluations from HR (never heard of this in a process before, but OK) and HR hasn’t gotten back to him. So at least I am still in the running, and I suppose I should anticipate that hiring tends to run fairly slow no matter how fast one side says they want to move. 

[Spartan Girl]

At our office we are supposed to keep masks on even if we are alone in our cubicles unless we are eating. This one person who sits across with me came in the office for a little bit the other week. At one point I saw her with her mask off while talking in the phone and I politely informed her about the requirement. She claimed she didn’t know and promptly put on her mask and thanked me for telling her.

So she stops by again today. Sure enough, I pass by her cubicle and she’s on the phone doing whatever business she does—her mask is off. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ You have no idea the amount of restraint it’s taking not to yell at her. I’m supposed to see Frozen this weekend, I don’t need this shit!

Update: Okay she apparently only did it to drink her pop but still. I nearly had a coronary when she let it slip that her daughter was identified as a close contact of someone that tested positive at school but she is fully vaccinated and has tested negative as of yet. Still, I don’t need this today. I’ve spent two years avoiding this virus at all costs, I’m not going to get it because my stupid Karen coworker is being careless.

Edited January 26, 2022 by Spartan Girl

[magicdog]

5 hours ago, Spartan Girl said:

Sure enough, I pass by her cubicle and she’s on the phone doing whatever business she does—her mask is off. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ You have no idea the amount of restraint it’s taking not to yell at her.

To be fair, talking on the phone with a mask on makes it harder to understand the person on the other line.

[isalicat]

8 hours ago, Spartan Girl said:

I’ve spent two years avoiding this virus at all costs, I’m not going to get it because my stupid Karen coworker is being careless.

You have no idea how many people have done exactly as you have done, and still wound up "getting it"....don't beat yourself up if this happens or necessarily blame this particular co-worker. Its an airborne virus! That is highly contagious! C'est la....

[theredhead77]

17 hours ago, isalicat said:

You have no idea how many people have done exactly as you have done, and still wound up "getting it"....don't beat yourself up if this happens or necessarily blame this particular co-worker. Its an airborne virus! That is highly contagious! C'est la....

Which correctly worn masks have been proven to help stop the spread. If everyone would just get on board with that, and get vaccinated, we would see actual progress in fighting this.

[supposebly]

1 hour ago, theredhead77 said:

Which correctly worn masks have been proven to help stop the spread. If everyone would just get on board with that, and get vaccinated

True. But that doesn't mean you can't get it. I have a friend who works from home, has been boostered, barely goes out, never without a mask, and never indoors except shopping and still got it 2 weeks ago. She has asthma and I was quite worried about her for a while. 

It takes very little these days.

[magicdog]

Lots of change video wise for me since our new overlords owners took control.

There's MUCH less internet video now!  I can't tell you how frequently kitty videos passed for news around here!  Always something the producers received in their social media mailboxes!  I was constantly downloading stuff from everything - from YT to Twitter to FB to IG to TikTok!  The new overlords owners have stricter guidelines now about using video that we didn't shoot or  isn't already available to us via CNN, FOX or sister stations.  I can't believe how much more downtime I have now!  

 

[theredhead77]

6 hours ago, supposebly said:

True. But that doesn't mean you can't get it. I have a friend who works from home, has been boostered, barely goes out, never without a mask, and never indoors except shopping and still got it 2 weeks ago. She has asthma and I was quite worried about her for a while. 

It takes very little these days.

I'm glad she's OK. Agreed, it takes very little but that is all the more reason to mask up and get vaccinated. This new variant is harder to test for. What's after that? This fucking thing is going to keep mutating and the longer people refuse to get with the program by getting vaccinated and wearing a mask, properly, the worse the mutations are going to get.

[Annber03]

9 minutes ago, theredhead77 said:

I'm glad she's OK. Agreed, it takes very little but that is all the more reason to mask up and get vaccinated. This new variant is harder to test for. What's after that? This fucking thing is going to keep mutating and the longer people refuse to get with the program by getting vaccinated and wearing a mask, properly, the worse the mutations are going to get.

This. If people refuse to wear a mask or get vaccinated, then I don't want to hear them whining about this pandemic dragging on anymore. They're the very reason why this damn thing won't end. 

Edited January 28, 2022 by Annber03

[theredhead77]

24 minutes ago, Annber03 said:

This. If people refuse to wear a mask or get vaccinated, then I don't want to hear them whining about this pandemic dragging on anymore. They're the very reason why this damn thing won't end. 

Those are the exact people who are acting like the pandemic is over. Or that there was never one to begin with.

I was so disappointed to learn that my former boss in my CA office is (was?) an anti-vaxx, COVID is just the flu and forced his entire team back to the office. Meanwhile here in hell GA my HR manager said there is no reason for me to go back anytime soon (and I have a Dr. note to keep me out due to my RA).
 

[Cloud9Shopper]

I didn’t get the job. It’s really frustrating to go through two interviews and feel like you’re close only to have the rug pulled out and someone else to be picked. 

To feel like someone’s rubbing my face in it,I had a team meeting the other day where my boss’s boss shoved a bunch of fake positivity on us like “having a growth mindset” and “being your best self at the computer everyday” and “taking ownership of your attitude.” Yep the magical “just be happy!!!!” is all it takes. I am all for hard work but I hate when people act like “you just need a growth mindset!” is the magic bullet point to everything. Well I like to think I brought my best self to my Zoom interview, Janet, but it clearly wasn’t good enough. 

[SuprSuprElevated]

Job searching is pretty soul-sucking isn't it?  Every résumé you send, and every interview you have, puts you that much closer to the job that's meant for you.

[GHScorpiosRule]

6 minutes ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

I didn’t get the job. It’s really frustrating to go through two interviews and feel like you’re close only to have the rug pulled out and someone else to be picked. 

To feel like someone’s rubbing my face in it,I had a team meeting the other day where my boss’s boss shoved a bunch of fake positivity on us like “having a growth mindset” and “being your best self at the computer everyday” and “taking ownership of your attitude.” Yep the magical “just be happy!!!!” is all it takes. I am all for hard work but I hate when people act like “you just need a growth mindset!” is the magic bullet point to everything. Well I like to think I brought my best self to my Zoom interview, Janet, but it clearly wasn’t good enough. 

I can empathize with your disappointment and frustration. I’ve been there. So close to getting my dream job only for someone else to get it.

I posted about all my experiences here. All I can say is to keep persevering. I was unemployed when searching and taking any temp job that came my way. You at least, have a job while you’re searching.

Keep at it.

[Annber03]

53 minutes ago, SuprSuprElevated said:

Job searching is pretty soul-sucking isn't it?  Every résumé you send, and every interview you have, puts you that much closer to the job that's meant for you.

As someone going through the job search, this pretty much sums it up :/. It really is a frustrating ordeal. 

Sorry you didn't get the job, @Cloud9Shopper. Wishing you luck with the next one you apply to.

[Cloud9Shopper]

1 hour ago, Annber03 said:

As someone going through the job search, this pretty much sums it up :/. It really is a frustrating ordeal. 

Sorry you didn't get the job, @Cloud9Shopper. Wishing you luck with the next one you apply to.

Thanks! The field that I chose is kind of a hot field right now (instructional design). I had my eyes on it before the pandemic but now a whole ton of teachers are also trying to break in. There’s so much competition, unfortunately. It seems like I’m attracted to the careers everyone else wants to be in too. 

I turned off my LinkedIn notifications temporarily because I was using it daily and it seemed like everybody was getting their dream job. I even felt mad at someone who got an internship that she ended up quitting, and it made me upset that she got a position when I didn’t even get an interview for that position and know I would have stuck with it. (The internship hiring manager said he got 400 applications, which is way more people than he could even interview.)