joanne3482 April 15, 2015 Share April 15, 2015 After the latest shocking discovery, Ryan finds himself being tracked by the new elusive killer and a game of cat-and-mouse begins leading them both back to Joe Carroll, for different reasons. Max and Mike look for a stolen clue and Mark makes a shocking decision. Statistically what are the odds that it will ACTUALLY be a shocking decision? 3 Link to comment
Dowel Jones April 21, 2015 Share April 21, 2015 Apparently JoePoe paid attention to Dr. Lector. One of his best students, no doubt. All hail Theo! He can even hack into the EPT box and rock Gwen's world. I will give him another star if he can hack into the writers' room. Job listing: Security Guard. MUST be able to properly assess dangerous situations and take appropriate actions, which usually don't include standing behind a knife wielding burglar until he turns around on you. 4 Link to comment
MomHasCooties April 21, 2015 Share April 21, 2015 Why do TV characters always act surprised when they have sex without precautions and turn up pregnant? Theo is so handsome, who cares if he's a psychopathic serial killer? Why aren't FBI agents as smart as serial killers? Why do I continue to watch this show? 6 Link to comment
Muffyn April 21, 2015 Share April 21, 2015 Dear Ry-Ry, Gwen makes me stabby too. However, I don't have dreams of teaming up with Joe Carroll to kill her in her sleep. Maybe you want to lay off the pre-bed snacks or switch your sleep meds. Okay? Thx. I was talking to my niece the other day about how many more young men are sporting beards; we were even joking about mutton chops making a comeback. And then an abomination occurs - Michael Ealy in mutton chops. Of all of the horrors this show has seen fit to show us, this is the most inexcusable. Sure, the plot makes no sense, the story seems more and more like it was pieced together grabbing odd plot contrivances, characters and scenes of ineptitude out of a grab bag. But could they leave the pretty to be pretty? 5 Link to comment
mertensia April 21, 2015 Share April 21, 2015 Yeah when you start dreaming about killing your girlfriend in your bed with help from a serial killer who looks like he's ready to join you for a threesome it's time to re-evaluate your life. And the girlfriend. I absolutely hate doctors in shows who apparently skipped Reproduction 101. Sex leads to pregnancy? Are you sure? So now Mark is Luke. Like we could tell the difference. 6 Link to comment
sjohnson April 21, 2015 Share April 21, 2015 (edited) Re Daisy's triumphantly contemptuous dismissal of "Luke" with the observation that Mark's not dead...it's not just the character but the show that's saying it's more admirable to be a killer than sexually timorous. Which is apparently reserved for lowly women like Daisy, who managed to get all hurty as rapey guy got rapey. (Thank God she happened to find a knife under her pillow to save her virtue!) Actually, I'm not sure that Mark didn't drown and this isn't just a manifestation of Daisy's unconsconscious guilt. Or maybe just a ghost. Because if there's one thing that demanded total credulity in this episode, I think it was the notion that a wounded fugitive could find another fugitive serial killer qucker and more easily than the average Girl Scout troop. I must admit that the Following's FBI would be outmatched by one mentally disturbed individual with a severe leg wound who fell several stories into dirty water, though. They shouldn't have done the dream sequences. Now the "real" events feel like dream sequences too. Edited April 21, 2015 by sjohnson 1 Link to comment
Primetimer April 21, 2015 Share April 21, 2015 Another week, another Joe/Ryan sleepover tease, another set of lunges, and another vile theme cocktail as Sarah and Poe Head brace themselves for Gwyan Jr. Read the story Link to comment
kfree9 April 21, 2015 Share April 21, 2015 I absolutely hate doctors in shows who apparently skipped Reproduction 101. Sex leads to pregnancy? Are you sure? My mom was a medical technologist and one of the staff physicians at the hospital where she worked asked her to run a pregnancy test for his wife. It came back positive and his response was, "Is she a little bit pregnant or a lot pregnant?" He was not kidding. Frightening. Where did Joe get those sunglasses? I actually watched his scenes again to try to figure it out and couldn't. In his tussle with Ryan? 1 Link to comment
BigBlueMastiff April 21, 2015 Share April 21, 2015 (edited) Wait, the laptop that Chris from the Wire destroyed was tied to whom? Thanks, Broderbits. Edited April 21, 2015 by BigBlueMastiff Link to comment
Broderbits April 21, 2015 Share April 21, 2015 That laptop was the one Mark & his Minions set up to spy on Ryan's niece. In the raid, Tom found it first and kept it when he saw video of his girlfriend sleeping with Mike. He's been using it to monitor her and drive himself crazy. I totally forgot he was in "The Wire"! I really loathe his character here. 1 Link to comment
Sarah D. Bunting April 21, 2015 Share April 21, 2015 He got the sunglasses off the guard, presumably while he was throttling him. Link to comment
EAG46 April 21, 2015 Share April 21, 2015 I just love this series of recaps. Could you and Mr. Poe's head please review another series once you both recover from this shit-storm? 3 Link to comment
opus April 21, 2015 Share April 21, 2015 Why do TV characters always act surprised when they have sex without precautions and turn up pregnant? No, no, they were using the FBI as protection, but , as usual, everything got by. 12 Link to comment
thuganomics85 April 21, 2015 Share April 21, 2015 I burst out laughing when, with a completely straight face, Ryan said something about how he has "1000 agents", and Theo is no match for them. Come on now, Ryan. You know damn well the majority of these agents are shit. Theo ain't going to any problems with these knuckleheads. Unlike them, he's either a) smart or b) just not as dumb as them. It depends how you look at it, I guess. Gwen's pregnant? Kind of blows holes in my theory that she is evil because I can't think this show would go that route with her. Of course, this relationship is clearlyi n trouble if Ryan is having dream of killing her with Joe. I get dreams don't always define what you're true feelings are, but that's still a bit disturbing, to say the least. So, Theo actually met Joe during his professor Poe days. He tried to strike a deal with him, but Joe didn't go for it, because he wants to find another way out. Which, hey, why not? On this show, I give him a solid shot at somehow breaking out. Mike/Max discover the laptop's existence finally, but Tom destroys it before they can find it. Matt is back, but he's now going by "Luke" now. He captures Daisy, but she buys herself time by promising to help him get revenge on Mike. Well, that, and also give him a forced striptease. Lovely. At least James Purefoy is having a ball. Joe at least brings the entertainment value up, even if the content itself is still pretty bad. 2 Link to comment
TheRabbi April 21, 2015 Share April 21, 2015 I agree with nearly every point above. Man this episode really brought the stupid, between Gwen's pregnancy, the world's worst security guard, Ryan's army of 1000 shitty agents, Lark's (my current title for him) revival, and the hunt for the laptop that was destroyed last second. (Man, the FBI really needs to invest in better tracing software between this, and phone calls that take 3 hours to trace). BUT, James Purefoy is pure bliss, and is the only reason I'm still watching. I hope this show gets canceled, so we can finally be rid of it come May. 3 Link to comment
Sarah D. Bunting April 21, 2015 Share April 21, 2015 Could you and Mr. Poe's head please review another series once you both recover from this shit-storm? I'll try to find something worthy of his talents. (Like "Newlyweds: The First Year.") 2 Link to comment
TV Anonymous April 22, 2015 Share April 22, 2015 Could somebody offer a plausible explanation on how Matt is able to track Daisy and then waiting outside the balcony with his limping legs? 1 Link to comment
Snookums April 22, 2015 Share April 22, 2015 (edited) Oh, chilluns, I do declare, this one was...well, they brought in the pregnancy motif. 'Nuff said. G'night! ...Okay, only teasing. But when a show like The Following is dusting off a trope as musty and fringe-lampshaded as The Stick Turned Blue, honestly, the end is near.This thing is making the most outlandish telenovela seem like a Grecian Tragedy as far as structure is concerned. So, onward! Since last week's shorter 'n sweeter format got good feedback, I'm gonna stick to that for the nonce. I probably will be busting out an extended rant or two, though, because HONESTLY. LOOK AT THIS SHIT. Last week on blah blahs, Dead Juliana, Strauss's Students, Kyle and Daisy, the FUCKING LAPTOP, basically everything you did never and will never care about ever ever ever so you're weighted down with despair before we're even in, and... Ryan and Gwen snoozled up in bed! Guess they made up, if that hand on Ryan's chest is any indicator, and this is in no way, no way, a dream sequence with a really snappy little callback (again) to Kevin's horror movie past with the zing!zing!zing! strings on the soundtrack, so just wipe that thought out of your stupid brain! The zingy stringies are of course announcing the entry of a pair of ominous boots, attached to a be-hoodied figure who is wending his dark way through the apartment. Ooooooooh, so scary. As Ryan and Gwen snore away, Figure enters the bedroom and raises a knife! Eeek! Oh, good, Ryan wakes up, rolls over... And as if this is some demented version of Goodnight Moon, whispers "Hush" and extricates himself from Gwen's grip. Man, that woman is a dedicated remora as far as hanging onto Ryan goes. Anyway, Figure puts back his hoodie to reveal Joe as Ryan joins him beside the bed and over sleeping Gwen, asking, "so, how do we do this?" "I have soooo much to teach you," purrs Joe, a big satisfied tiger, as he wraps Ryan's fingers around the knife and Freud kicks his way out of his grave because SERIOUSLY. Ryan grins AND WAKES UP. If there is truly anybody watching this who truly thought that any of this was real, I have a Nigerian Prince to hook you up with. Just the fact that Ryan's unconscious feels the way we all do about Gwen is disturbing enough, as his "O Fuck O Shit" expression tells us, but that could also be partly because he's asleep on the couch in front of a lurid TV newscast about Joe's upcoming execution. It's also partly because the object of his id's fathomless rage is currently doing the shoulder shake "are you okay?" thing--hey, Gwen. How ya doing? Your boyfriend is fucked up. The basic premise of this scene is to get Gwen and Ryan made up so when Theo torches his life she'll care, and they get down to it, as Gwen's all you ruined my career but I don't want to fight anymore, plus I REALLY REALLY don't want to have to hunt for an apartment in the middle of winter, so turn that crap off and come to bed. Ryan, still pretty shaken up, mutters an agreement and, as Gwen slinks off back to the bedroom, grabs up the remote and shuts down the TV as we go to title card. Okay, Ryan and Gwen, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes--whoopsie, might have to turn that one around! Fade into cityscape, but for once we're not at Nameless and Unloved Federal Building. Instead it's a random office with the world's most inept security guard, and on this show that is really fucking saying something. Inept wanders around on his rounds, followed of course by Theo, who's practicing his usual mix of heightened genius and random sloppiness--he's wearing gloves to break into an office, and is avoiding the security guard, but once he's in he leaves the damn door wide open and basically starts crashing around like a drunk elephant searching for something or other. Way to go Theo! Seriously, how is it he hasn't been caught again? Anyway, Theo hacks and slashes an armchair to bits and locates what he's presumably seeking--a little notebook filled with random numbers, clearly codes. Theo smiles at his current task well done--and turns to find Inept right behind him! Truly, this entire sequence is ridiculous. How is it that Grand Master Wizard Godhead Computer Lord Theo Noble can't send a fucking text to the guard's phone sending him to the main doors or the garage? Why the hell is this guy here? Well, he ain't here for long, because this man clearly was rejected from every mall cop job in the country. "Stay there!" he tremble-squeaks, fumbling for his radio in front of a creepster wielding a knife. Because that's what you should do during a break in, not retreat to the main security desk and call the damn police. His misguided devotion to his calling is rewarded by a prompt and bored carotid artery slash from Theo, who hilariously does not waste a nanosecond on this red shirt. He heads out and we see the office he just repainted was Juliana's. Dum DUM DUUUUUUMMMM! Cut to Ryan driving Gwen to work, as they tiredly exchange banter about how she's the only doctor who gets an armed escort to work, the dry cleaner, etc. If I worked with somebody who dated Ryan "Death Magnet" Hardy I would be demanding armed escorts everywhere I went and one of those walking murder police robots from RoboCop on every floor. Anyway, Ryan tiredly promises this is all going to end as soon as they catch Theo. He really can't summon too much enthusiasm to lie this much this early in the morning, though. Gwen's assurances that she knows he will are cut short by them being pulled over! Damn! Ryan complies and a quick outta the car and toss to the asphalt later he's receiving an apology from the cops (good thing he's white!) and the info that their computer listed the car he was driving as stolen and him as armed and dangerous. Well, that part's true, honestly. The two cops apologize repeatedly but Ryan's all too aware that Theo's revenge is clearly beginning. And speaking of! A rolling suitcase accompanies our main villain and his FANTASTICALLY AWFUL MUSTACHE as he enters another of his parallel lives! Theo, his mustache and his rockin' aviators encounter and hug an older woman who calls him "Mr. Salman" and they converse in a foreign tongue about how she didn't expect him and he's glad to be home. Because you ain't a supervillain if you can't speak any random language on demand, doncha know. This woman, clearly a housekeeper who's a long term employee, fills us in on Theo's current alias through conversation--he's apparently a photographer or videographer of some kind who's been away on a shoot (so to speak!) He asks after a "Penny" and seems put out but resigned when Housekeeper says she's been gone several days. And whoever Penny is, let's hope she stays gone for her own good. Sorry, gotta hit pause here--again, exactly how many of these long term cons/identities/full lives is Theo running here? I don't care how brilliant he is, this is really getting stupid. It was bad enough that he was running around being Theo/Carl/Sam and "traveling" a lot for his job, but I could buy it. But now he's got another full life and set of people he's stringing along at the same time??? Does every bad guy on this fucking show have a Time Turner or what? ANYWAY, Housekeeper says she'll get out of his hair and come back tomorrow, and Theo's all yep, sure, I'll try to fit your death into my killing schedule but I've got a lot to set up. As soon as she's gone his laptop's out and he's getting all his revenge pots on the bubble. Speaking of laptops! Yes, it's your favorite plot thread and mine, Tom And His Purloined Laptop Of Guilty Secrets And A LONG FUCKING PRISON TERM HOPEFULLY! We're in the Unwept, Unhonored and Unsung Federal Building locker room and Tom's sitting around gazing with tortured mien at said laptop, sticking out of his backpack where anybody can see it. Anybody like Mike, who swings in all Hey Man and now we have these two characters pretending that Tom didn't basically flat out threaten Mike like, two days ago. But who can keep track of these things? Tom slinks off, passing Sloan, who swings in to tell Mike that that bullshit assignment you gave me, checking out the evidence from Mark's safe house? "You're gonna tell me I'm crazy," glooms Mike, "chasing ghosts." But no! Actually, says Sloane, I may have something! Oh, DO TELL. And yes, the laptop is now being dragged like a fifty pound filthy boulder into the main storyline, oh joy. Sloane says an ethernet connection was found, lots of time on line. Mike's all oh goody a missing computer techonbabble blah blah, and Max swings in to see them whisper-conferencing about something that's clearly to do with MARK. She takes a sec, then comes in all hey, time for one of those fun briefings! Totally not suspicious here! (In a nice touch, we see a photo of Mike's murdered dad inside his locker, reminding us why he's so determined to bring Mark down.) Cut to briefing and Pirate Nick! Photos of Theo in various guises adorn the bulletin board behind him (this, plus his picture shown later on the front page of the newspaper, is making me wonder how Theo's not being spotted by anybody. Michael Ealy is hardly the kind of face that isn't remembered, mustache or no mustache.) Nick's saying Theo Noble didn't exist before 2007, blah blah blah, and Ryan outlines his pathology--that the identities are mostly to kill but the Sam Lewis one gave him access to the FBI server, plus he seems to have loved his family in some twisted fashion--between incessant rings of his cell phone, that he hilariously keeps sending to voice mail. Just mute the damn thing, Rude Ryan! Max takes the reins and the product placement duties, making sure the foldy laptop goodness is on full display as she exposits the theory that Theo hides his kills as murder suicides and breaks down how she's found thirty cases so far. Sloane takes the baton and goes on about how there were no indicators beforehand, the scenes could have been staged, they were all on chat rooms (AGAIN. HOW MUCH TIME DOES THEO HAVE IN A DAY? He's running multiple family lives, breaking into the FBI mainframe, AND trolling random chat lines for kill targets???) Ryan gets pensive but his phone interrupts again and Nick snaps at him to just answer it, hee. Ryan does and is informed that he is now the proud owner of a motorboat in Utah, to his considerable exasperation and dismay, but come on. Man, Theo, is this the best you can do? This is like junior high level trolling here. You need a persona that can think a little bigger. Ryan informs the room at large of his current troubles and Mike outlines it for the slower kids in the room--Theo's hacked his personal info and is trying to throw him off balance. Well, easy to do the off balance thing in that there new speedboat, anyway! Ryan is thankfully saved by a rando coming in and informing them of the break in/security guard murder at Juliana's office. Yay, Act Two commence! Cut to Ryan's car (same car! Yes, Ryan, don't let the turkeys get you down!) and Max in the front seat, for once (with Mike crouching in the back pretending to be her, I guess) filling them in on the crime scene as Ryan drives through a green light-- Only to be WHOMPED by another car who also had a green light! Okay, Theo, this is a little more like it. Everybody checks everybody out for okay-ness, then leap out of the car to check the occupants of the other vehicle (she's got a bloody nose, but is otherwise intact.) Ryan's pacing about waiting for the inevitable phone call, and Theo obliges. "That looked like it hurt." Annnnd here we go again, with the back and forth between Ryan and Theo, his terrible mustache threatening everything in Ryan's life from his credit report to his invisible sister (remember her?), Ryan's strutting and fretting and he's got a THOUSAND AGENTS, SO THERE, ASSHOLE, and he's gonna end him, Theo's all nothing can save you and you suck, goodbye. At least this time they didn't bother with that tracing nonsense. Siggghhh. How can Theo be so new at this swimming above the water crap and still hit every damn cliche' in the book? Joe doesn't demand this much attention from Ryan Hardy! After presumably fleeing the scene of the accident, the Big Three arrive at the office of the late but nicely pressed Juliana. Tech types, who probably all let out a collective sigh when they heard he was coming, shuffle around Ryan and the others as they work out what might have happened. Juliana was Strauss's go-between, she was the one who reached out to Kyle, Daisy, and Andrew--"meaning Strauss gave her their contact information," concludes Mike. Yadda yadda yadda and basically they figure that Theo's after the contact information on Strauss's other students (HEAVY GROAN as I realize I am nowhere near done with the odious phrase Strauss's Students.) Okay, but none of that explains what the hell Strauss wanted with Mark. Or Lily or any of that group, for that matter. Nor does it explain that fucking benighted laptop/cameras in Max's place thing that I hate with the burning fire of a thousand suns. But anyhow. Cut to Theo about to enjoy a nice sandwich in his latest fancy digs when one of his various laptops beeps at him. Heading over he sees that his trusty technology has failed him--it can't crack the code of those numbers in the notebook. Damn, technology, you better watch your back, Theo gives harsh performance reviews. Theo sulks for a split second, then promptly switches to plan B. With a click, he brings up the driver's license of a man who until this day did not realize how much shittier his life could get. Surprise, guy, you's about to get Theo-ed! Theo heads off-- --to an outdoor gun range, where the guy from the license is target shooting and blissfully unaware of just how badly things are going to go in a few minutes. Another shooter swings over, all orange vest and trucker hat, to start a little conversation... and it is of course Theo and Oh my GOD, what are those hideous things on his face??? Theo apparently thinks his good ol' boy disguise isn't complete without a pair of muttonchops that a Gilded Age Millionaire would dismiss as braggardly and flaunting. Good LORD. Look, I am too traumatized by those twin mutant Tribbles to go into this in any depth. Suffice to say that Gary Benson, here, is a failed Ranger with a lost wife, a chip on his shoulder, and a deep interest in personal stupidity. It takes Theo approximately fifteen seconds to hook this fish, and we can clearly see that he's got Plans For Gary, which he will unfold over a beer right after they shoot for who buys. Man, too bad Gary here and that security guard never met. They'd have a lot in common. Like being idiots. Cut to an Atlantic City strip club that's trying to be Klassy. A wanna-be Master of the Universe is trolling for low hanging fruit, which arrives clad in a pleather dress and terrible wig! YES, IT IS DAISY AND WE ARE ALL SO THRILLED TO SEE HER. As in, bottom dropping out of the pit of your stomach as you moan "Oh, God, whyyyyyy?" at the sight of her. Daisy does her auto-flirt thang and snags an invite to the guy's beach house. Not quite sure why she's interested, but maybe she's just bored? Wants to rob him? Scratch that murderin' itch? Or perhaps just to drag this plot bodily into the third act? You get one guess. Cut to prison! I have never been so glad to go to prison as I have been watching this season. It's Joe, of course, who's apparently got to be informed via his court-appointed counsel about his Final Day schedule. He smarm-threatens her, she shuts him down, nervous but not in the mood, and starts in on the Death Day Planner. Joe's amused by the idea of religious counsel but is clearly not really listening when the folded newspaper in the lawyer's bag catches his eye. I can see why, since it's Michael's dazzling puss beaming out at him with the headline FBI MANHUNT FOR SUSPECTED KILLER THEO NOBLE. Good thing Theo's housekeeper and the mysterious Penny don't read the papers, hmmm? But what's interesting here is that Joe clearly recognizes this guy, and boom, just like that, he's got one last hand to play. We zip on the soundtrack's hollow WOOSH back to Winslow University, 2002, and hey! It's James Purefoy in his teacher togs, lapping up the sweet sweet admiration of his pretty young students! Oh my God, this is a gift from Heaven. Purefoy's just having a ball spewing shallow "insights" about Poe's tragic motifs of death and shit, rocking those leather elbow patches, having a great time! But lo! What harkens at the edge of this enchanted circle? Why, it's Theo! Theo's apparently there to espouse a theory that Poe devoted his life to writing after murdering his brother, which amuses Joe and us, but I'm not quite sure why Theo's doing this. This is years before current events so how does he know who Joe is, if Strauss is so keen on keeping his students (RARGH) separated? What does he want from him? Joe asks for this strange young conspiracy theorist's name but Theo just grins that he's got to get to class. Um, okay, what was the point of this? Again, why and how does Theo know/care about Joe, and why did he go to all this trouble to poke the Joe Bear and then never contact him again? Why, so Joe can recall his visage and get all antsy-pants that he's got one last lure to get Ryan back in his cell, of course! What, you were expecting logic or something? Cut back to the lawyer asking if he's got any final requests and of COURSE HE DOES, it's to send a message to his best beloved about how he's got conveniently recalled information about Theo and to stop being mad and come over to play video games and eat Cocoa Puffs all night! Well, Joe's day may be looking up, but Gwen's is not! She's waiting for Ryan in one of the sixty thousand hallways that make up Forcibly Anonymous Federal Building in considerably dismay. When Ryan wanders out, sees her, and asks what's up, she tells him she's under review for over prescribing meds, uh oh. Maybe her boss could put in a good word for her ohhhhh, yeah, maybe not. In the midst of Gwen's recital, Sloane pops out with the news that Joe wants him to come over and ride bikes and braid each other's hair, but Ryan (after a second and don't think Gwen doesn't clock it) says to give it to Donovan. "He asked for you," says Sloane but Ryan's all too bad for him, I guess. Gwen says she loves him but she doesn't know if she can do this. Oh, please, Gwen, there's no point in cutting out now. Ryan Hardy's infamous Stupid Curse has marked you for life. Ryan hollowly promises to make things right as they hug each other through the lies. Cut to large, expensive, and pretty damn ugly beach house, containing Temporarily Brunette Daisy and that asshole who prepositioned her earlier. Oh, joy, I can't wait for more of this shit. Asshole hands her a glass of wine and immediately dives for her neck, gnawing away like she's a spare rib (DUDE. Let her drink her wine first, God!) Daisy tries to play along but tries to get him to slow things up a bit--but "Walt" here is hot to trot. In the midst of negotiations Daisy calls him Kyle and asks if he minds. Walt's all I don't care now let's proceed with confusing an erotic encounter with tackle football! This doesn't seem weird to you, Walt? But Walt's too busy chucking her on the bed like a dufflebag and smooching away at her neck. Is he the world's most inept vampire or what? Daisy, realizing this isn't going anywhere she cares to travel, promptly reaches into her purse, handily on the bed, grabs her trusty switchblade and stabs Walt in the neck! Yay! Sorry Walt, but you were the last in the Trifecta of Dumbasses (the other two being Security Guard and Gary) and I just can't get worked up about your passing. Daisy sobs and stumbles around, attempting to rob the body of watch and wallet but it's just not the same, and she pulls off her Murder Wig, turns-- AND THERE IS MARK! Yes, the People You Truly Hoped You'd Seen The Last Of Roster is now complete! "Boo!" says Mark, leering from the doorway and I am not even going to get into how he found Daisy and followed her out here because I am just going to fucking rage stroke if I even have to consider another fucking impossible plotline, and cut to Mark's limping chase of Daisy on her two perfectly functional legs through the beach house, and we cut to our weekly dose of people running through a badly lit space! It's like a reunion! Daisy hides in closet and The Following once again fails to build one iota of suspense during a prolonged cat and slobbery remains of a chewed up mousie toy scene until Mark finds her and hauls her forth, babbling about how she's got to pay for what she did. I can't even recall exactly what Mark thinks she did do, but let's face it, there's more then enough blame to go around. Daisy begs Mark for her life, but nope, she's dialing the wrong number. "Mark drowned," grins Not Mark, "I'm Luke." OH GOOD, I WAS AFRAID THERE WASN'T GOING TO BE ENOUGH CRAZY GOING INTO THE SECOND HALF. And that's the first post! See everybody tomorrow for sleepovers and broken laptops galore! Edited April 22, 2015 by Snookums 4 Link to comment
Snookums April 22, 2015 Share April 22, 2015 Could somebody offer a plausible explanation on how Matt is able to track Daisy and then waiting outside the balcony with his limping legs? No. 4 Link to comment
sjohnson April 22, 2015 Share April 22, 2015 ^^^I challenge you to come up with an implausible explanation! Link to comment
TV Anonymous April 22, 2015 Share April 22, 2015 I want to know the make and the model of Daisy's laptop, the one that Tom stole and eventually destroyed. I do want it. With that kind of battery power on that laptop, I will need only to charge it once to last days. Remember that that laptop was never turned off (not even on standby) otherwise the video signal would stop. So the law firm that Juliana worked for just let her office be vacant and undisturbed for that long after her death? And it is certainly not for investigation as there is no police seal on the door. 1 Link to comment
Sparger Springs April 22, 2015 Share April 22, 2015 Could somebody offer a plausible explanation on how Matt is able to track Daisy and then waiting outside the balcony with his limping legs? No. There isn't one. My theory is he is a psychic that knows how to tract all serial killers. How did Daisy find him in the first place. Joe was in jail and told his paralegal to hook Daisy and her boyfriend up with Matt or Luke. How did they find him? I'm guessing on the deep dark web where all freaks go to tell their secrets to one another. Link to comment
Snookums April 22, 2015 Share April 22, 2015 ^^^I challenge you to come up with an implausible explanation! *Cracks knuckles* Well, I'm guessing that after Mark fell the equivalent of four stories into icy, polluted water with a gunshot wound, he was promptly rescued by Andrew's cousin in a canoe, who's been keeping himself off the radar but was in love with Luke and thus has been following Mark around, disguised a Fed Ex driver or a dog walker or a tree. He luckily is also a surgical intern at Gwen's hospital so he patched him up, then reported to his own murder mentor, Gwen's boss who also used to work for...let's see...LILY, and whose brother was one of the contractors at the mid-remodel Whipped Cream Mansion. Mark did his become Luke thing, gutted Andrew's cousin, stole his identity and car and smartphone, logged onto Craigslist Casual Encounters and tracked down Daisy. He's been limping around Atlantic City for days until he spotted her on the street and has been following her around ever since, avoiding every single public camera in existence and occasionally posting in Dark Net chatrooms--mostly terrible poetry, but any day now he's going to encounter one of Theo's indentities and Theo will realize that he made a BIG MISTAKE in not killing Daisy so he's going to manipulate Luke into bringing her to him, but Mark will keep emerging and insisting on dragging her over to Max's loft to stage another big interview for the conveniently placed cameras! Following writers, I'm expecting a check. 5 Link to comment
Dowel Jones April 22, 2015 Share April 22, 2015 but come on. Man, Theo, is this the best you can do? He could easily amuse himself by setting up a transfer of, say, $600,000 from a "Nigerian Oil Crimes Escrow Account", thereby causing thousands of people to smack themselves in the forehead, saying "I KNEW it was real." 1 Link to comment
Texasmom1970 April 22, 2015 Share April 22, 2015 I am so hoping all these Joe and Ryan dreams come true. Would love to see Ryan go all bat shit crazy break Joe out of prison. Then they can bond on a road trip/killing spree all "Thelma and Louise"style. 1 Link to comment
Snookums April 23, 2015 Share April 23, 2015 (edited) Okay, we're back! Time for everything to make sense (you bought that? You are so gullible! It's adorable, really. Don't ever change.) So we're still at the beach house. Yaaaaaay. Luke (who's apparently running the shared body right now) has not killed Daisy yet for some reason. What the hell, is she a mutant? Is that her superpower, guys who have every reason to fill her full of holes inexplicably put it off? He's dragging her out on the patio while crazy-hissing that she betrayed Mark. Daisy wails that it wasn't her, it was Strauss. "She said, lying," says Luke, chucking her onto the boards. Nice to see that even though Shared Body here has lost the 1993 club kid bleach job he's still channeling outdated sarcasm. Daisy wails that he would have killed her (Strauss, that is) if she hadn't done exactly what he said, boo hoo hoo. Oh, he would not, you liar. Once is chance, twice is coincidence, three times? YOU ARE A MUTANT. She says they're the same, they've both lost people they loved, but she still thinks she's dealing with Mark. Luke, according to his crazy ass brother who's channeling his personal version of him, anyway, is far more sadistic and cold-blooded. He sneers at her and gets ready to defy her powers, but Daisy desperately manages to blurt out the one thing that could prolong her useless existence: "I know how to get to Mike Weston!" Ya don't say. But enough of this, back to I Can Call You Betty And You Can Call Me Al Federal Building for more technobabbling! Sloane's trying to cheer Ryan up by saying they traced the burner Theo used to call, and if he makes another call they'll have him, but Ryan remains unbouyed--there's no way he'll use that phone again. "He's too smart." Well, NOT SMART ENOUGH TO JUST DISCARD THE PHONE, as we shall see. That's the problem with this kind of "supergenius" character: if they really were as smart all the time as they're supposed to be there'd be no story, nobody could ever catch them. So instead they have to do inexplicably stupid shit to keep the story going. Speaking of inexplicably stupid! Theo, in his "I commit this far and no further" facial hair guise, is silently listening to a sterling example as Dipshit Gary pours his heart out to this understanding stranger. He goes on about how he gave his life to the Rangers and was perfect perfect perfect except for his psych eval, which probably revealed that he's too dumb to live and very hostile about it. Gary blames everything on his former captain, though: "He had it out for me from the start." Theo smirks at how fucking easy this is going to be as Gary drones on about how he was meant for the Twelfth and he lost his wife and his life has no meaning and on and on. If you notice a conspicuous lack of bartenders in this scene, it's no doubt because Gary's in here every night spewing this country song and they're sick of hearing it. Hell, they're probably comping Theo's beers just for putting up with him. Anyway, the point of this tears-mopping operation of Theo's is of course to lure Gary into an insanely overcomplicated, Rube Goldbergian plan in order to get some face time with Joe Carroll. How can this dorkwad do that, you ask? Why, watch and learn as Theo lays the bait: "You can get it all back, you know." Cut to phase one of Operation Skype Joe Carroll, where we see the presumable former captain running on a treadmill until a gloved hand yanks the plug, sending him plunging onto his face, OWIE. But that's of course not enough, as we see, since said captain is prevented from reaching his gun by two masked figures and a crowbar. Makes perfect sense so far! Cut to Daisy with Luke/Mark, showing off her camera-planting handiwork. (I have no idea where they are--still the beach house? Seems a bit risky to hang out, although I suppose rapidly cooling Walt won't voice any objections.) Daisy outlines all the tech shit--the cameras are live, they link to a web portal, if the FBI had found the original laptop they'd have taken the cameras out so somebody else must have it. Daisy, like a stopped clock, is inadvertently correct, of course. Luke calls bullshit: The feds came in seconds after she and Kyle split, there's no way they don't have the computer, but Daisy points out that the thing's been logged on continually since then--"somebody's watching Max." FOR NO EARTHLY REASON. MUCH LIKE HOW PLANTING THOSE CAMERAS IN THE FIRST PLACE STILL HAS NOT BEEN EXPLAINED. Neither of them bring this up, of course; Daisy merely says whoever's currently watching Max can be used to get to Mike. I'm...not quite sure how that follows, really. Luke's tired of thinking about it too, it seems, since he's moved on from vengeance to sexual harassment! He places a creepster hand on Daisy's neck and she tells him to knock it off, but again calls him Mark. "I TOLD you, Mark's dead!" slimes Nutjob McGee. "I'm Luke!" He steps back and gives her a little show for free--taking off his coat and watchcap. Lame, is that it? Take off your shirt or this roll of singles stays in my purse! Luke's a new age businessman, though, oozing "take off your clothes" to Daisy as he reveals his new crew cut. Daisy, who understandably isn't really DFI at the moment, snarls no, but Luke decided to persuade her with his switchblade, lovely. Okay, show? I need you to stop trying to put me on Daisy's side with this crap, okay? She's a fucking serial killer and this whole forced sex thing is gross on many, many different levels. I'm basically being put into a position as a viewer where I have to side with the female killer or the male killer/rapist, and THAT. IS. GROSS. Ugh, let's get this over with. Luke sits back to glory in Daisy's humiliation, Daisy strips off down to her bra and panties, then demands "Is this enough for you?" BLARRRRGH. But Daisy's other superpower--that of manipulating everything with a penis that she comes across--comes to the fore, and a wilyness crosses her face. Purring "maybe you want more," she struts over and folds herself atop Luke, apparently ready and willing... And as she no doubt counted on, Luke bails on the shared bod once again, leaving "don't touch me I'm DELICATE" Mark frozen and freaked beneath her. He snaps his head away from her and grunts "stop it", and Daisy triumphantly hisses "guess Mark's not dead after all," climbing off him and contemptuously heading back to her pile of clothes. Mark does his standard deep breathing freakout routine--man, it must really suck to be cockblocked by yourself. And enough, thank God, of that! Let's move on to tying up a guy and blowing his head off! Yes, we're back with Theo and Gary as the latter is about to reveal the true depths of his moronity. After the tied up captain rouses from head injury, Theo ups the stakes by promptly pulling Gary's mask off and telling him to face the man who took his dignity. Oh, man, if Gary's got to do that with everybody who's robbed him of his self-worth this is going to take MONTHS. Gary, who clearly lives to be told what to do, steps right up! Every self-help book/Oprah/The Secret claptrappery that's managed to sink a hook into his brain pan foams forth, to the wry amusement of the captain. Theo wearily prompts him forward and there's a couple slaps and punches, but Theo ain't got all night. He steps in with a "How'd that feel?" and when Gary, a merry grin on his face, sighs "good, real good," He pulls out his piece and with a " then you'll really like this" puts one between the cap's eyes! Shit! Gary has the expression of a six year old who has convinced his mom to buy him a double decker ice cream cone, only to drop it on the sidewalk three minutes later. Aw, Gary. At least things can't get much worse, right? Back from commercial and to a currently shot guy with Gary spewing his DNA and those last four beers into the sink. Yep, this one's a keeper. Gary's wigging, but Theo's got to get a move on on this whackadoo plan of his. Now that Gar's a murderer/thoroughly freaked out, he starts in on the hard sell: "You think I just stumbled across you by accident? I sought you out, soldier." Basically he sells this nimrod on the idea that Gary's special (seriously, he tells Gary that, "You're special" and Gary says "I am?" THOSE ARE THE ACTUAL LINES) and needed to carry out a super important mission; in fact, he has the potential to change the course of history. "Like that dude from the Matrix!" breathes Gary. Theo pauses for one terrific fragment of a second before replying "exactly." HEE HEE HEE HEE. Gary wants to call his ex right away and rub her face in his awesomeness but Theo puts the kibosh on that--super secret mission and all. Good thing Gary here is the kind of pinhead who would never, ever, ever do some small thing that will come to ruin all Theo's plans, nosirree! Back to Eyes Without A Face Federal Building and Max and Mike seem to have reached a detente. Basically she's going to take over tracking down the laptop since Sloane's off doing something or other. Mike can't help grinning and Max is all what? You want to PUT HIM IN JAIL, right? Why would I object to you PUTTING HIM IN JAIL IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE LAW, MICHAEL? Mike's all even work closely with me? and Max sure seems past all that guilt she's been schlepping around--with a smile positively flirtatious, she asks if he wants to see what she found or not? BUT we'll have to wait on that because we're back with Theo and Gary. Wonder Twin powers, activate! Theo's all set to get going, opening his trunk to reveal a big fat duffle bag of nefarious toolery and perched on top, a cell phone that by all rights he should have ditched somewhere in Nebraska! Gary spots it too, and when Theo asks for his mask snaps to and says he left it inside. Theo briefly considers just killing this idiot for some short term enjoyment and starting over, but grudgingly accepts that time is a factor and trudges back inside to get the damn thing. Say, this leaves Gary alone with that there phone! What oh what could possibly come of this? Yepper, Gary grabs it up and leaves a chest-thumping brag of a message for his ex! Brilliant. I love that this idiot, simply by being his idiot self, has undermined this elaborate maze of plans that he doesn't even know exists! Of course this never would have happened had Theo just dumped that freaking burner that he KNOWS HE CAN'T USE AGAIN BUT WHATEVER. Plot, forward march! Gary finishes his unknowing sabotage and tosses the Phone Of Betrayal back in the duffle just as Theo reemerges, and they presumably head off... But now we're back at Nobody Loves Me, Everybody Hates Me, Guess I'll Go Eat Worms Federal building! It's basically just an expo scene between Nick and Ryan, with Nick saying hey, good call on not going to see Joe, it was just a ploy, and then some back and forth about are you really gonna skip the execution brah? shit and OKAY, WE GET IT. Ryan will be front and center at said execution, doubtless through a series of plot mechinations that will be well thought out and not at all enraging! Sloane pops her head in with news that believe it or not, that burner was just used again and Ryan, unable to believe such luck, races into HQ with Nick on his heels. She fills them in on the events we just saw, and the three try to figure out what the hell Theo would want with the dead man and Gary. And back to prison, huzzah! But what is this? Why, nothing less then the reason Theo has gone to so much trouble to ensnare Gary the Dipshit--said dipshit is a guard at Joe's prison! Okay, Following, not too bad. I've seen worse, from you, mostly. Gary, full of piss and vinegar at being so damn important, strides to his CO and announces his temp transfer to this wing since they're short handed. The CO, unimpressed by life in general and Gary here in particular, grunts that this is the first he's heard about it. Gary freezes up, but a soothing voice in his ear kicks in--Theo's on his earpiece, telling him what to say, while a camera in his shield broadcasts a really crisp, not all fuzzy/screwed up image to his various computers. Man, that thing has hella range--it's even more impressive than the Laptop of Secrets and Lies. Anyway, of course showing that Gary's assigned here is child's play for Theo, and with an admonishment about the heightened safety protocols, which Gary and his sunglasses in his pocket that the CO should have spotted FIRST THING ignore, he's in! Gary's all bubbling with triumph as he moves to take his position--opposite Joe Carroll's cell, of course. Joe, turning and spotting a new face, looks quizzical as Theo murmurs "Tell Joe Theo says hello" and we go to break. Ohhhhh. Back where we left off, here comes a scene of two people talking through another person that really goes ON, considering that Theo's dulcet tones are unheard by Joe, who is getting everything translated through Gary's reedy little pipes. The short version is a bit of bitchery back and forth over who Strauss loved more (for fuck's sake), Joe's grinning observation that Gary here seems a bit underqualified for the task of breaking him out, and after a bit more false flattery and sneering, Theo lays it out--that code from the notebook he secured from Juliana's office? It's apparently full of the names of all of Strauss's mentorees from way back. Problem is, it can only be deciphered by a key phrase known only to the code's writer. "It's old school," Theo sighs through Gary to Joe's supremely bored face. "Its simplicity makes it almost unbreakable." So, what with Joe being the late Strauss's favorite student and all (OH MY FUCKING GOD can we just DROP THAT already? Mud wrestle it out or something but these grown men bellyaching over who Daddy loved more is really getting old), Theo figures that he knows the phrase. "Why would I help you?" sneers Joe. "What do I get?" "Infamy," says Theo. Basically, he'd be the greatest murderer in history--even from beyond the grave all future killings would be his. Um, wait a sec, here. How does that work, exactly? Is the plan that all these other killers will agree to form some kind of sicko cult and dedicate their future murders to Joe Carroll? Why the hell would they do that? And even if that's not the idea, what is Theo so keen on knowing their names for? I guess he could frame them for his murders--that's not bad, but it still doesn't keep Ryan Hardy from barking down his snorkel or getting his picture off the front page. Joe appears to be considering the offer, though... And we cut to Been Through The Desert On A Horse With No Name Federal Building, where all my building ire about that fucking hellspawn laptop storyline is about to come to a head. We're with Max and Mike, technobabbling away about receipts for the laptop and various letter combinations that can be used to trace the thing if it's on. Well, it is (it's never OFF, and as TV Anonymous points out, those batteries are pretty damn amazing) but, as luck and this damn plot would have it, guess who just sauntered by! Yes, it's Tom! Yes, Tom, stop to glare jealously at your romantic rival, stay to listen in horror about how you're about to be busted and arrested and probably broken up with! Tom races in a panic to the locker room, and we do the "countdown" of cutting back and forth between Max and Mike and Tom, trying to act all "hey, howzit going, totally not trying to dump evidence I stole!" to the other guys hanging in the locker room. Back and forth, back and forth, "It's in the building!" Tom's fumbling with his combination, "Where? I don't know, isolating the router", La la la, guys leave, back and forth, almost there...and Tom grabs up that thing and SMASHES IT TO ITTY BITTY BITS. Max snarls that the signal just disappeared! as Tom sweeps up the remains of the thing and dumps them back into his backpack. Ahh, this should surely be the last of that storyline, right? Right? I mean, I'm even cool with never knowing why this whole thing was set in motion in the first place if this can be the end! NOPE. Max and Mike head off to find Ryan, who's basically standing around staring at the walls, and inform him of the missing evidence and how this could mean there's another mole and they can't trust anyone. That's just the cherry on top of Ryan's day. Hey, don't worry guys, it was just Max's idiot boyfriend passively stalking her with stolen evidence while not telling her her place is wired! Honestly, given what you usually deal with this should come as a relief. But Sloane's into the breach, dear friends, to steer us away from this garbage scow of a plot line and onto--Gary! She's traced the phone and the call, and the long and short of things is, of course, that Gary is a guard at Joe's prison. Looks like Ryan's gonna have to head down there for some face time after all. Gary, meanwhile, is continuing to be an increasingly reluctant go between for the two gigantic piles of ego that are Joe and Theo. Joe, playing hard to get, demands a little more incentive. Theo, who clearly is not usually a compromiser, is reaching the end of his fuse when he asks what Joe "Death Row" Carroll wants. Basically Joe's all jealous and wants the deets on Ryan's new love interest. Theo, alone at his nerve center, reacts with a hilarious "really?" eyeroll at this before saying her name's Gwen, weirdo, anything else? He spills the rest of the basic info about Gwennie--doctor, living with Ryan--and Joe's all "He's moved onnnn, he's forgotten meeeee" and Gary is just so uncomfortable right now, it's a riot. Gathering the shreds of his patience, Theo tries to steer the conversation back his way--bummer about your boyfriend, but hey! What better way to ride his ass (dirty!) for all eternity than taking me up on my offer, hmmm? "Give me what I want, I will punish Ryan Hardy for both of us!" Whoopsie, Theo has gravely misread his audience. Far from fame, which is what Theo assumed he wanted, what's turning Joe's crank is to be unforgotten by the flip side of his coin, Ryan. He's not gonna share him with anybody. "Ryan Hardy belongs to me," growls Joe, through playing around. Theo continues to really misplay his hand, pushing the whole "you're going to be dead but you can still strike out against the man who took everything from you!" Dude, he's not you. He's got what he wants, you have nothing to offer! "YES OR NO?" snaps Theo. Joe shakes his head and prepares to enjoy himself. Spotting those sunglasses in Gary's pocket, he gets to kill two birds with one stone, as it were! A voice on the prison PA announces the jig is up, Gary asks in a panic what to do, and Joe does what he does best--tricks a guy and then kills him! One snatch and he's choking poor idiot Gary to death, monologuing the whole time about how he's not ready to pass on the torch just yet, "Not while I have a card left to play!" and with a final jerk, Gary's gone from this world. So long, you poor dumb cluck. Theo, back at his wall of computer screens, reels in defeat as the other guards pile in and Joe casually puts his hands behind his head. See, this is why a solid door on his cell would have been a good idea. Live and learn. Joe, as he's being chained up, gives a grin to Theo's camera, and break. And we're back for the finale! Time for another passionate breakup/makeup scene between our two leads, as Ryan strides in all "you know my new boyfriend!" and Joe's right back with "I woulda TOLD YOU but you sent that Nick guy! I deserve better, Ryan!" This whole thing is just so fantastic, with Purefoy just setting a stool down beside the "I KNOW YOU STILL CARE FOR ME RYAN" cow and milking it for all it's worth. Meanwhile, Ryan continues giving this bastard everything he wants by being as stoic and unreadable as a Brazilian soccer fan during the final quarter of the championships. He rants and raves, he paces back and forth, every time Joe pushes one of his buttons he leaps around like a frog on meth, it's ridiculous. I don't blame Ryan for being at the end of his rope but for fuck's sake, pull it together. It's no fun to watch adversaries go at it when one keeps stubbing his toes and skinning his knees. Joe keeps pushing and pushing, suggesting a sleepover in his personal holding wing, saying they could chat the night away. Ryan turns away at this idiocy and Joe plays his trump card: "We could chat about Gwen." Ryan whirls around at this, and Joe just keeps going even as he leaps across the room and starts honest to God strangling him! He's not kidding around, it takes two guards to pull him off. Well, at least Joe doesn't know how to get to you, Stone Face. Good job there. "Such passion!" gasps Joe with a delighted smile. "Just goes to show how much you really care!" and for God's sake, what is this but a wink/troll to the audience? They did everything but tongue kiss just then! Ryan foams and paces as Joe revels in how much Ryan really loves him: "And there I was getting all worried!" Oh, James Purefoy, never let it be said that you held back from the brink! Ryan quietly says, "I can't do this anymore," and Joe looks honestly bewildered. "Of COURSE you can!" He exclaims. "All you have to do is accept is that I'm the most important relationship in your life!" Oh, is that all? Sure you don't want to sell him some Amway while you're at it, there? Ryan, however, isn't playing anymore. "You're a disease. Tomorrow night when they kill you, I'll be cured." Joe, who has never let go of that "we're one person and you die when I die," thing, wrinkles up his forehead like a Shar Pei and purses his lips in adorable consternation. This needs thought. Cut to final scene and the racheting up of the rampant, out of control crazy bullshit train! Yes, Ryan's home after another long day of chasing killers and being taunted by his shadow self, and he just cannot take it anymore. He glances around the empty apartment, dumps his gun on the counter, and suddenly spots those bottles Gwen brought in so many weeks ago. Yes, the Booze Gun, hanging over the fireplace all this time, is about to fire! Ryan snatches down a bottle, grabs a glass, pours easily half the contents into it, lifts it to his lips--and freezes. Will he give in? Let Joe take this from him too? He raises the glass again.... And the sound of a toilet flushing scares him out of his skin! He drops the glass and it smashes as he calls out "Gwen?" in a panic, dashing around trying to hide the evidence of his almost relapse. They converse through the door as Gwen for some reason does not emerge. What's she doing? Ryan leans on the door, confessing that he saw Joe, it was the wrong thing to do, she's the most important thing in his life, he loves her... you'd think this string of torturous self confessions from a guy she regularly accuses of being walled off would get her to open the door, right? What on earth is distracting her? You know it and I know it! As Gwen silently stifles her sobs and tries to sound normal as she says she loves him too, she is, of course, clutching a pregnancy test that is silently signaling YEP, IT'S ABOUT TO GET WORSE. Yes, indeed, people, we are going down the Black Diamond Baby Trail! Will Gwen keep this a secret? How will Joe and Theo use this to mess Ryan's head around even more? Is it twins? *crosses fingers* There's a last bit here with Joe stealthily twisting the frames of those snagged sunglasses into a shank, but really, this thing wrapped on Gwen's sobby face. Baby. BABY. THERE'S A BABY IN PLAY, EVERYBODY. Grab your Cliche' Bingo cards, next week is going to be epic! Edited April 23, 2015 by Snookums 2 Link to comment
dirtydi April 23, 2015 Share April 23, 2015 I actually like this season. (She said as she ran away before being laughed at) 3 Link to comment
paigow April 24, 2015 Share April 24, 2015 Baby name choices.... Obvious: All variants of Joe and Ryan adjusted for gender (or not) All variants of Carol Link to comment
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