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S03.E08: Flesh & Blood


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The FBI closes in on a suspect they believe responsible for the latest murders, but Ryan isn't sure they have the right person, which sends him digging deeper into more dangerous territory. Meanwhile, Joe is evaluated as his execution date nears and a new threat attempts to cover his tracks.
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I actually thought this episode......wasn't bad?  It featured another amazing dream sequence with Ryan and Joe, a great scene of Joe scenery chewing in his "outdoor time", and Ryan and Mike and Gina generally being competent enough in following leads.  The villain is still mainly superhuman, but I guess we can't be catching him with many episodes still to go.

 

I was starting to think though, when they finally got to his house at the end.  What the hell is this season even about?  You've got Joe in prison doing nothing of value (though he is the best part), the villains have changed from Daisy and Kyle to Mark to Strauss to the new guy, and I just had that moment tonight where I was like "this is going in circles."  I guess I shouldn't look for too much cohesion in this show.  I did find this episode enjoyable enough.

  • Love 2
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They must be saving Mark and Daisy returning for the last couple of episodes. Otherwise, they just... vanished.

 

I was afraid Gina wasn't going to live through the episode when she said she was back.

 

And, awww, how I love Joe and Ryan hallucinating about each other! And that they finally remembered the pacemaker. Methinks Ryan will literally die of a broken heart - especially if Joe, his True Love, dies.

 

Finally: yeah, Ilana, going to side with Ryan on this one - his apartment, his rules! Get evil or get gone.

  • Love 1
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I'm starting to think that Ryan is doing a Manchurian Candidate routine. Joe somehow hypnotized him a long time ago and it's all coming back to him now.

 

 

I genuinely don't think Joe is that clever. :)

I do think this is going to end in a ham handed "whoever hunts monsters becomes a monster themself" thing - Ryan is soooo gonna kill his girlfriend.

  • Love 1
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This show is named The Following but now has nothing whatsoever to do with cults. For some time now all it's been is Ryan chasing after psychos and serial killers. It's lost its way completely.

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I've taken up hoping the producers are aiming for a grand tragedy as the conclusion, and all the Feebies get killed.

But I vehemently disagree: The Following is still about a crazed killer and his crazed killer devotees, Ryan Hardy with followers Max and Mike.

  • Love 3
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Aww, I got excited when I saw Julie Ann Emery's name in the credits, only for her to be the wife's friend, who gets her ass killed.  After her turn as Betsy Kettleman on Better Call Saul, she would have been perfect as another one of Strauss' "students."

 

The opening dream sequence was hilarious because, even though I figured that was where it was heading, it really wasn't that unrealistic.  The way the law has been on this show, it would probably be that easy for Joe to break out of prison.

 

I would care more about Ryan screwing up Gwen's dinner with the boss, but since I still think she's going to end up being evil, I doubt it will matter.

 

So, The FBI know that Theo is some kind of mad computer genius, and yet they still just look up his wife's DMV info.  It doesn't even pop into their heads that he might have some of alert to that?  At this point, they really should be playing it completely safe, when it comes to technology.

 

I do agree that these past few episodes have been better.  Joe and Theo are way more fun then the Mark/Daisy/Strauss arc.  At least James Purefoy and Michael Ealy seem to be enjoying themselves. And, Kevin Bacon seems to have much more fun playing opposite of Purefoy.

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But Ryan did tell them to stay off the computers and they just looked at him like "really?". Maybe the FBI is the craziest cult of all.

 

Please give Joe a stay of execution so we can continue with his dream encounters with Ryan! Purefoy & Bacon are having so much fun, I don't want it to end.

  • Love 2
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I genuinely don't think Joe is that clever. :)

I do think this is going to end in a ham handed "whoever hunts monsters becomes a monster themself" thing - Ryan is soooo gonna kill his girlfriend.

I could actually roll with that.  That chick is a bitch!  He tells you he was almost blown to pieces and you show absolutely no concern.  On top of that, it bugs me how she keeps forcing him to tell her about his job.  He works for the FBI and you knew this when you started dating; there should be no expectation of him to divulge anything!  (I dated someone who only interviewed with the FBI and after his first interview, I asked him how it went, and he told me that they straight up told him that he is not allowed to talk about what happened in the interview or the process at all to anyone.)  Plus I think she's evil and works for Joe.  Her death can't come soon enough.

  • Love 4
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I honestly don't even remember what happened to Mark. Did he just leave?

 

 

He jumped off the ship (alas, not literally over a shark) in episode 5 and is "presumed dead," which means "the writers may have to pull him and Daisy out of the ether at some point but they don't have a plan, surprise."  I wonder if they honestly think they're getting a fourth season.

 

Okay! So! Going to try something a bit different here!

 

As you know, I am devoted to detail-recapping this flaming mountain of elephant dung every week. And I love it! But--it takes time. Like, eight, nine hours altogether, and it gets a bit exhausting. Plus, I'm sure all of you, loving though you are, might just possibly be skimming my golden prose a bit around about, say, the 35 minute mark. So this week, I'm going to do more of what I did for Episode 5, the double hitter--just hit more of the highlights with my snark hammer and do some general back handing in one or two posts. I'll still get more detailed here and there with the more egregious bullshit, naturally, but basically see if I can make it a little shorter and sweeter. Let me know what you think!

 

Okay, so previously blah blahs, and we open with Sam/Carl pushing a cart through a shopping emporium while Perfect Husband chatting to his wife, apologizing about the late running meeting and so on, whilst shoveling very upsetting purchases into his cart. Things like bleach and rubber gloves. The conversation goes back and forth while Wife (her name according to this ep is Cindy) is asking, oh-so-subtly, um, when you going to be back, and Sam/Carl smooth as an oiled snake dodging from gluten free cupcake to hot yoga. "What did I do to deserve you?" asks Cindy, and oh, honey, unless you were literally Pol Pot in a previous life, nothing. They hang up and Cindy stares at her reflection, clearly more troubled then she let on, while Sam/Carl continues his shopping. At least he won't have to worry about the FBI tracing these purchases, what with the store clearly being closed and silent. 

 

The rest of this bit consists of Sam/Carl putting said store's deli section to uses dark and horrible; basically, chopping poor dead Tucker into dog chow while doing the "I'm crazy so I love chatting with my recently offed victims" thing. Poor Tucker. I also don't quite get this setup because S/C has chopped Tuck's arm off BEFORE doing his shopping spree for cleanup supplies, so what the hell? But he's been shown as erratic at best when it comes to forensic left-behinds a LOT, so that's a fairly minor sin by The Following's standards. I mean, he clearly doesn't care about bits of ground Tucker Arm flying everywhere, so meh.

 

Title card and we're back in Brooklyn so Pirate Nick can finish assassinating his own character. He's using the Glass Room to lecture a rando collection of agents about Tucker Moore being on the run and credit card use everybody who has watched television in the last twenty years roll their eyes cue, and Ryan steps it up by blatantly calling out this strategy of Tucker Hunting as wrongheaded. Pirate Nick, perhaps understandably, isn't really down with that and kicks everybody out so he can put his hands on his hips and rumble about getting on board or getting out. Ryan gets all shirty and the upshot of this is that Ryan finds out Gina's taking early retirement! Yikes! He runs off to interfere with his erstwhile's superior's personal decision and Nick savors the moment. Enjoy, there, Nicky. 

 

Cut to Gina Mendez holding a picture of her kids. Remember them? Because the show didn't until now! I wonder how they're adjusting to the epic whirlwind of crazy shit their life has been in the past year? One mom dead, one mom nearly dead, new marriage, Mom now running around after new killer--They need a support group, but I can't think who else would be in it except little Joey. 

 

Ryan comes into the room the way he should every room, frankly--apologizing and saying this was all his fault. Truer words, there, guy. There's the usual "how can you leave/are you seriously asking me that?" exchange and Ryan basically guilts her into staying because apparently if she leaves the entire WORLD is going to get murdered. (One funny bit: "Do you know why I joined the FBI? Same reason as you." "...to get chicks?" Hee.) Ryan, just because you're a fucking walking wall of damage doesn't mean everybody needs to be as messed up as you are, okay? I mean, maybe this woman actually just wants a bit of normal life and raising her invisible kids and going on her Goddamn honeymoon already without having to teleport all over the damn Eastern Seaboard to stare at crime scenes. Cripes.

 

Cut to Ryan not practicing what he just preached by actually crawling into bed next to Beige Gwennie for a change. This is an extremely tiring scene for many reasons, mainly Gwen's consto-nag and mind fuckery disguised as Funny Joke Ha Ha My Boss Is Coming So Don't Fuck It Up! bullshit and Ryan's straight up ridiculous refusal to mention things like taking a damn shotgun blast to the chest to his live in lover.

 

Neither of them come to the obvious conclusion that any sane person who wasn't raised like Adrian Pasdar's character on Profit would--this is a deeply, deeply fucked up relationship between a crazily damaged man and an insanely enabling woman at best and the flimsiest of show foreshadowing at worst. We hit all the notes: Pacemaker! Dinner tomorrow! Talk to me, I continually demand it! Psychobabble about walls! And now that those Legos are lined up for bare viewer feet to step on in the dark, sex scene we don't buy for one second! CHRIST, SHOW, MOVE ON. Gwen's evil, we know it, this isn't fooling anybody. Especially when you rub our faces in it with the whole "playfully lean on your shotgun bruise" thing.

 

Oh, thank God, prison! Specifically, one of the many blinding white rooms that Joe Carroll is currently hanging out in. This is tipped off as a dream sequence IMMEDIATELY because of several not at all sneaky clues: Joe being handcuffed but otherwise unrestrained, a Courtney Cox-lookalike young woman shrink there to apparently interview him on his state of mind before Virginia ices his ass, etc. Joe enjoys being the smartest person in his head room for a bit and then we get the whole "Occurance At Owl Creek Bridge" sequence of him doing the escape thing; utilizing past strategies, long white corridors, inexplicable lack of guards, etc, until the show underlines it for the slowest among its viewership by having Joe stroll right out the side door (of a prison) into a blindingly sunny parking lot and straight into the waiting car and arms of his one true love, Ryan Hardy! Tah Dah!

 

Seriously, though, this was better done and not as silly as much of The Following can be, and Joe's coming to in his actual situation: Chained firmly hand and foot while a middle aged male shrink calls his name is really quite good. I'm glad they're finally giving Purefoy something to do besides rageflirt with Ryan, as much as I adore it. Plus, his expression when he asks Shrink to repeat the question and has the guy straight face say "I asked you if you're ready to die" is terrific. Because truly? That is an asinine question; maybe THE asinine question, for anybody but most especially in Joe's circumstances. What answer can he possibly give that doesn't sound crazy/not crazy/right amount of crazy but this is moot because you are a fucking mass killer and we're going to fry your ass? I hope he just started making faces or singing Old McDonald's Farm or something.

 

Commercials, and we're back at Tomb of the Nameless Federal Building, walking down one of their many, many hallways with the Big Three. Max seems to have recovered nicely from her savage beating of four days  ago, since it's never referenced AT ALL this time after being practically its own damn character last week. Those pain pills must be doing the trick, I hope she's not abusing them! We should ask Tom to zoom in on her medicine cabinet and give a count (RRRRRGH THAT PLOTLINE. IT MAKES ME RAGEY EVEN WHEN IT'S NOT ON SCREEN.) 

 

Anyhoodle, Mike's expositing that surprise surprise, the erstwhile Tucker is nowhere to be seen on the security footage of the gas stations where he supposedly, as a computer genius, used his credit card. This is, however, because both cameras were remotely accessed and erased. That does sound like a computer genius-y thing to do, but Ryan's not convinced, not one bit. He insists that Manitech (correct spelling by me for the win!) is the key and "Strauss's student" is there somewhere. If this could pretty please be the very last time I ever have to hear "Strauss's student" I would be eternally grateful.

 

A surprisingly not ridiculous scene now occurs where these three law enforcement professionals who have been chasing high level supercriminals for an extended period of time actually start using logic and reason to work through this problem! I know, hold me, it's dark and scary here! Basically they conclude that instead of focusing on high level employees they need to check everybody. Um, yes. That is what you should be doing. Should have been doing from the get go, honestly, because you know who has the time to run up and down the entire coast committing murders and shit? NOT HIGH LEVEL EMPLOYEES. They tend to be answerable to a LOT of people and have rock solid alibis for stuff like "were you anywhere near this murder scene?" because they are usually busy with meetings and projects and so on. You know who does have time for an extended murder hobby?

 

Yes, S/C!  Whom we have just cut to, as his wife is trying get his attention about their kid's soccer season and totally not attempting to trap him with questions about trips to Philly. S/C is distracted but corrects her, "It's Boston, actually." He gives her a reassuring hug but they're interrupted by the officious beep of a practical-yet-luxurious minivan as a neighbor pulls up to passive-aggressive chat them up. S/C is not thrilled, and we really cannot blame him, as said neighbor, Nancy, is the clenched-tooth-big-smile-mean-girl-wannabe-Nancy-Drew type, all sly innuendo about "Theo's" (I'm going to use this name from now on for this ep) frequent absences and how he's a "busy bee." Everybody has known this woman. 

 

Nancy drives Theo off within seconds and quickly/not at ALL suspiciously whisper-commiserates with Cindy about did you ask him about Boston, trust your intuition, he's hiding something, as Theo glare-reads her lips in his rearview and seethingly dreams of Nancy's corpse being served as that deli's special of the day. Ugh, this woman; the bored housewife who's hiding her greedy need to destroy another, seemingly happy family in her social circle out of jealousy or pure boredom behind the "I'm YOUR FRIEND, I'm on YOUR SIDE" fake concern crap. Gotta give it to the show--it makes sense that Cindy would suspect something and an affair is in the realm of possibility, rather then "I wonder if my perfect husband might possibly be a serial murderer?" plus, with Nancy, we're given a fun, nasty character to use as a needle for Theo. 

 

Back to FBI hallways of walking and talking (have you noticed that none of the Big Three have an actual office?) where Max is giving Ryan a heads-up about Theo; he's a low level part timer, blah blah blah, and in fact, she and her then-sore ribs had a run in with him! Oh, and his picture is protected by dark magicks and doesn't print (and the fact that this rings NO bells with Computer Expert Max is ridiculous) but never mind that, because Sam Lewis, as Theo's known around Manitech, has the perfect employee profile; high recommendations and no deviation from routine. The combination of Max spotting this carefully constructed cover and thinking there's nothing fishy about "Sam's" photo not printing is cognitive dissonance of the highest order. They're doing the same thing with her that they do with Ryan: super smart and competent but only as long as is needed to drag the dead horse of the plot forward another foot. ARrrrrgggghhh oh fuck it, I can't get worked up about this. 

 

Cut to Cindy, standing in her living room and staring at her kids as they play. Just, standing there staring. Because that's something parents routinely do, right? I mean, I know it's to indicate she's wondering if her perfect life is a lie (oh girl, you have NO IDEA) but it's still weird. Theo thinks so too, because he swoops right in to distract her by saying hey, howzabout another baby, whaddya say? Man, when Theo distracts somebody he does it right. Cindy's thrilled and they hug and smooch but just when everything seems to be back on the Theo Track, his cell phone beeps. It's murder stuff, so he goes off to take the call and leaves Cindy still standing there, but this time presumably in a happy daze of naming the future fetus Eveyln or whatever.

 

And now we go in for the big explosion set piece of the week, with cross cuts between Theo in his home office (which doesn't seem to have so much as a lock on it, and mass murderer aside he's got two kids so I call BULLSHIT on that) and Ryan and Mike approaching the listed home address of "Sam Lewis," which Sam/Theo has all set up and wired for viewing. I can get behind this. I mean, it's ludicrous of course, but what show are we watching? And it's the right kind of ludicrous, that's in service of the crazed obsessive that is this character, not just ridiculous doesn't hold up to a second's scrutiny shit like the Max's Reality Show Apartment crap.

 

Anyway. While watching his summer cottage, Theo is also launching another of those nifty little magical programs of his, which can apparently melt and change all his online photos permanently! Max and Sloan watch in disbelief (join the club) as every single picture on their giant awesome FBI digital screens dissolves into dozens of random people. Okaaaaaay. I mean, I know I was just backing the whole "handy spare wired to blow murder cottage" thing and all, but...I'm pretty sure that's impossible. Like, not just very very improbable, impossible. If for no other reason that the FBI's main servers are probably from the seventies and still use magnetic tape.

 

But back to the not suspiciously deserted at all supposed residence of Sam Lewis! Ryan and Mike smirk at the idea of knocking or due process, kick the door in (seriously, the line budget for doors on this show must be enormous) and proceed to do the creep-around-while-splitting-up-oh-hey-look-this-suitcase-probably-isn't-wired-let's-open-it-right-up thing they do so well! Said suitcase is NOT wired and thus Ryan and Mike do not meet their richly deserved fate--it's just full of khakis and a badge with Sam's photo. I really can't tell if Theo left this here because he uses it as a drop point or because he's mocking whoever finds it, but I'm guessing the latter, since one of his cameras promptly gives a little whrrrrrr to get Ryan's attention. Ryan approaches and Theo grins. He's not upset that Ryan saw the camera and that's not a good thing.

 

Ryan yells to Mike that they should leave, this feels like a trap (What tipped you off, Ry?) and of course Mike chooses this very moment to prove Ryan correct--he's standing in the bathroom for some reason; what, did he have to pee here in the middle of the latest crime scene? and as he moves forward, *clank* goes a very bad sounding thing underfoot, and RYAN LEAPS FORWARD TO KNOCK MIKE INTO THE SUPER CONVENIENTLY PLACED TUB RIGHT BEFORE THE WHOLE PLACE BLOWS SKY HIGH! See? THAT'S why Mike was in the bathroom! Also, bathtubs are explosion-proof! Theo smirks and closes his laptop, sure that his problem is no more. Theo, I know The Following's universe has been on your side up to now, but prepare for a reversal of fortune.

 

Back to a bunch of fire trucks, ambulances being studiously ignored by Ryan, and Max running up to make sure the two of them are okay. Of course they are, silly! Everybody gets one Get Out Of Explosion Free card on this show! Mike's got a bloody forehead but that's mostly an excuse for an "oh, yeah, we have unresolved issues" thing between him and Max. Neither he nor Ryan are going "WHAT? SPEAK UP, I CAN'T HEAR YOU BECAUSE MY EARDRUMS WERE JUST TURNED TO TAPIOCA!" either, but The Following is hardly the only show to ignore that inconvenient little detail of being nearly demolished.

 

Yadda yadda yadda, expository stuff  from a rando about how the C4 managed to destroy all the evidence like suitcases and laptops/cameras while leaving the entire structure of the house, not to mention Ryan and Mike, completely intact. "As far as the bomb materials go, your guy used simple, off the shelf items. (Wait, C4 is an off the shelf item? Really? My whole grade school life could have been different had I known!) and what little survived the blast is untraceable." Having set the chase back to square one AGAIN, said rando wanders off to craft services, just in time to miss Pirate Nick! The Big Three aren't too thrilled to see him, natch, not the least reason being they kind of forgot to tell him they were doing any of this. Welp, firing time! Seriously, that kind of reckless disregard of orders? FIRING.

 

But no! Pirate Nick has seen the light with his remaining eye of justice! He totally believes them, even when Max breaks the news that Sam's image has been totally erased online. Nick demands how that's even possible. Max doesn't say "it isn't" but gobbledy-gooks something about digital code self destruct sequences but never fear! Competent Ryan Hardy has arrived out of nowhere! He suddenly remembers that Max has eyes in her damn head and actually saw Sam Lewis face to face, and Nick immediately barks at them to get a sketch done and find this guy before he blows up something else. Nick strides off to thank his agent for strong-arming the writers out of the complete character destruction he was being forced to play. We cut to

 

Joe, enjoying his state correctional facility mandated outdoor exercise in a laughably diminutive prison yard that's about twenty yards square and basically like walking around the bottom of a razor-topped well. He adorably looks petulant about this. The shrink from earlier comes by, and at Joe's smarmy bitching about his 'outside time', says he can't expect much what with his penchant for killing guards. Joe rather proves th guy's point by rage-drooling at the idea of trading all those CO murders for the chance to gut the good doctor. Well, I don't suppose he's got a lot to lose at this point. 

 

The doc's not here for banter, though; he's just there to drop off a load of plot points. Namely, that since Joe's declined to select his method of execution, it's going to be lethal injection (and NOTHING Poe-themed here from Joe? C'mon writers, get off your asses) and also? Ryan declined Joe's invitation to afternoon tea and his joining the Choir Infernal. Joe honestly looks surprised at this news! I mean, really? This show can never make up its mind as to how honestly delusional Joe Carroll is supposed to be, but this is being played by Purefoy as genuine shock and hurt, which is amusing if nothing else. The shrink smugs himself off stage left and Joe Acting Paces about for a few seconds. Awww, Joe. Ryan Hardy is just not that into you.

 

Cut to Max working with a sketch artist (and say, didn't like fifty or so employees also work with "Sam" regularly? Maybe more then one sketch artist here? Looking through their phones and Instagrams? No? Well, you know best, guys) when Ryan strides in to announce they're going Paleo Diet in the search for their killer--he's proven himself a tech manipulator so they can't trust their own databases. Not--a bad point, really. Mike protests that they can't work totally offline and Ryan says FINE, just do it sparingly and with caution and don't do anything that might get a random wife and mother killed, okay? Jeez! 

 

More exposition about how Sam got to work at Manitech and Ryan reminds us that he had to pass a background check and somebody had to vouch for him. Again, you'd think this is something an entire cadre of agents would be working on as a matter of course, not waiting around for the light bulb to come on in the dim mental attic room Ryan stores his competent alter ego in. But never mind that, let's get right on this search! After dinner!

 

Well, that's the first half and I'm wrapping up this post! Second half up later tonight or tomorrow. Again, let me know what you think of the more highlight reel approach!

Edited by Snookums
  • Love 4
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Plus I think she's evil and works for Joe.  Her death can't come soon enough.

 

Oh she'll be dead, and killed by Ryan - his first true kill as it were..... but she doesn't work for Joe. She's just a bitch. Ryan will have one of his paranoid moments because she's so intentionally suspicious seeming (I mean really just hang a sign on her with "Creepy Joe Follower") and he will flip out and kill her, justifying it because she's a follower.

 

Only she's not. She's just  a bitchy bitch who hooked up with the mental keg of dynamite that is Ryan Hardy. And Joe will make pointed comments before his execution that Ryan has become everything that he hated and is Joe's successor.

  • Love 2
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laughably diminutive prison yard that's about twenty yards square

 

Don't laugh.  That's Joe's next escape route.  He's going to hide above the cyclone fence gateway and wait for the unsuspecting guard to walk in, completely befuddled by the fact that Joe is suddenly missing. 

  • Love 3
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I'm starting to think that Ryan is doing a Manchurian Candidate routine. Joe somehow hypnotized him a long time ago and it's all coming back to him now.

 

Random, but now Celine Dion is stuck in my head. Damnit.

 

Man I want that escape with Joe and Ryan to be real! I would watch the hell out of that road trip movie.

Edited by morgankobi
  • Love 3
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I particularly liked the obscure Profit reference.  It's the kind of thing I would have done. I once used a "Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee" reference while recapping Once Upon a Time.

 

Pirate Nick makes me think more of  a black Odin.

 

Could they have made the doc who was anti death penalty any more obnoxious?  Don't get me wrong.  When I was young I was totally against the death penalty but since then I've softened and am not 100 percent committed to either side but there are ways of being anti death penalty and not be a buffoon.  Sure tell a man who has seen a friend and colleague twisted into a tiny box and had an escaped Joe slaughter HOW MANY?   MORE victims when he escaped that a serial killer's life is prescious.  And don't just say I think all human life is sacred.  HARANGUE the cop about it.  (BTW I softened my POV because it occurred to me that lifers can and sometimes do rape, murder and otherwise harm other inmates and staff, at least on occasion, although of course not to the degree that happens on THIS show. There ARE valid points on the other side too.  I just don't think the show did a good job in presenting that here.  ) 

 

I did think however that Ryan should have given the excuse "I got blown up by a serial killer"  as to why he was late so that his girlfriend and her boss would have felt silly.  I agree it would be hysterical if Ryan kills the tre shady girlfriend and it turns out she WASN'T a follower.  Although that would mean that Season 4 (and does anybody know if this debacle of a show is getting another season?) would start with Ryan on death row awaiting being reunited with his one true love Joe.  I would guess however that the FBI would get a ridiculously difficult to solve case (Maybe the resurfacing of the More Evil Twin/Mark who jumped into the water.) and give him a stay and a furlough to solve it. 

 

I see why It's All Coming Back to Me by Celine Dionne would come to mind given that sentence but now that she's been mentioned I'm picturing Ryan tearfully watching Joe's execution while "My Heart Will Go On" plays mournfully in the background. Joe and Ryan 4EVAH!  Hee

  • Love 2
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Gwen's boss and his wife were played by Stephen Schnetzer and Alice Barrett. What a treat to see Cass Winthrop and Frankie Frame from Another World reunited!

Edited by catalogrrr
  • Love 4
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Okay, here we are at Part Two! The man who came to dinner is an asshole!

 

So remember that simply adorable little back and forth with Ryan and Gwen where she pretended he'd missed an important dinner with her boss and his wife and it turned out it was tonight and she was all tee hee hee but SERIOUSLY DO NOT BE LATE TOMORROW? Wasn't that just a cuddly puppy of a scene? Didn't you want to rub its belly and buy it ice cream?

 

Well, turns out reminding Ryan about not missing important "support your significant other" obligations is an exercise in futility, because, surprise! Ryan's heading in his front door and his alarm is basically spelling out YOU DONE FUCKED UP SON in emoticons as he becomes aware of voices and clanking silverware. Ohhhhh, shit. This is like having a dream where you're naked at school and waking up and finding you're naked at the supermarket.

 

Ryan briefly considers fleeing to Antarctica, then takes it like a man and enters the dining room, where polite conversation is suspended upon his arrival. "Ryan," says Gwen in a You Will Never Be Done Paying voice, "We were just finishing." Ryan cringes, then sucks it up with an apology and round of handshakes, saying he got caught up at work. Yeah, hunting crazed killers who leaped directly from the pages of a comic book does tend to make you late for appointments. Boss and Wife are gracious enough, and Wife says he's just in time for dessert. "It's the best part anyway." Ryan's all I wouldn't know, the last time I was at a formal dinner party we didn't get to dessert what with all being taped to chairs and the firefight but sure!

 

Cut to a woman coming into a darkened hallway. I think it's Cindy but can't tell for sure because it's DARK. As in, this person has come home and is now wandering around calling for her family members in the blackness of night without turning any damn lights on in her own house! Between this and her staring at the kids for hours on end I'm starting to wonder if Theo just built an android wife and there's still a few glitches. 

 

Cindy finally flips a light switch and SURPRISE! Of course it's a birthday party because Theo is a perfect husband! He proves it by providing a big bunch of white roses that will both show his love for his wife on her natal day and double as a lovely tribute at her funeral. Reduce, recycle, reuse. Cindy hugs and kisses everyone, the first two being Nosy Nancy and her husband, Bland Bob, while Theo takes her shopping bags upstairs and is perfect and not at all suspicious at all.

 

Back to the story we care about, Jackass Doctor Boss deciding that if there's anything that goes down well at a dinner party full of professional colleagues and their spouses, it's debating the death penalty! He starts out okay, if a little overbearing and smarmy, with the "we all owe you a debt of thanks for catching Joe Carroll" and Ryan would clearly rather avoid this topic but is gracious enough, having been thanked enough times in the past year to handle it. But then Doctor's Wife has to bring up Joe's execution date being only a few days off and Ryan says yep, and it can't come soon enough for him.

 

Okay, anybody who's lived in the world and does NOT get that this is a perfect time to drop this subject like a turd covered with fire ants and move on to baseball, raise your hands. Because I need you to hop on this boat here that's going to take you to a beautiful place called For Your Own Good Island, where you will be isolated in a soundproof booth and forced to read etiquette books until certain niceties are grasped. Unfortunately for all, the good doctor here has escaped my dragnet, because he does the precise opposite. 

 

Starting off with "I wonder what we get out of that" and ignoring his wife's "Malcom, DON'T", this pretentious windbag starts gassing on about perpetuating the cycle of violence and we doctors fight to preserve life and tries to drag GWEN, HIS EMPLOYEE INTO THIS, looking at her with a "you agree with me, don't you?" and I am no fan of Totally Evil Gwen but that is a dick move. A HUGE dick move. This isn't a Goddamn pot party in a dorm, this is dinner at a colleague and her boyfriend's house, a boyfriend whom you know nearly lost his life on multiple occasions to an insanely evil mass killer. Ryan, showing the last shreds of restraint, says cancer is a living organism, right? And I'm assuming you don't bring cancer flowers and take it out to dinner? 

 

This crap goes on for a few more seconds and finally, abruptly, Ryan has had enough bullshit for one day and throws Doctor and his wife the fuck outta his apartment! GO, RYAN!  No matter where you stand on the death penalty, and believe me I am NOT going to debate that here, this dicksmack is basically embodying the worst of "out of touch" liberal stereotypes; pendantic, officious, dismissive of other points of view, romanticizing "all life" without taking into consideration the owner of any said life and what he/she's done with it, etc. It's basically The Following taking the Dirty Harry hard-on for revenge character and tweaking it for the twenty first century through portraying the "opposition" as rude, clueless windbags who have no idea how the "real world" works. Which is pretty laughable, considering what the show's put up as its version of reality. 

 

Anyway, Ryan strides off as Gwen follows her boss and his spouse to the door, managing a weak "I'm so sorry," but she's really too stunned to do much. She storms into the kitchen, where Ryan's pacing back and forth, and hisses that he's her boss, and she was pretty clear that she needed this to go well, blah blah blah. Ryan says he's not going to put up with this brand of bullshit in his own home, but the important bit comes when in the middle of his rant, he exclaims "me and Joe were almost blown up today!" OOOOOOPS.

 

"You and Joe?" says Gwen incredulously. Ryan tries to backtrack but Gwen spits out that he's losing it and stalks off. If I were you I'd get going on these dishes, Ryan. 

 

So let's see how that other party's going! Maybe there's mass mud wrestling in the garden over gay marriage rights or something! Nope, looks like a pretty typical getting bombed on red wine kind of gathering, and here comes Nancy to lob a few Girl Detective grenades at Theo's head! She's subtle as drunken moose on roller skates as she lays out this entire bullshit trap about how Bob has a old college buddy at the company Theo supposedly works for in Boston, and he heads the security division and we should all get together and this is just Real Housewives Four Martinis In Level embarrassing to watch. She just thinks she's sooooo clever with her little trip wires and sneakiness and only the fact that Theo is who he is--i.e., careful--is keeping him from ramming his beer bottle into her eye. 

 

Doesn't mean he doesn't have something lined up, however, as we get to see right now! Nancy's self-righteously bitching about Theo and how their house is Team Cindy and her husband is probably wondering if he can slip her a Valium or four so she'll shut the hell up when in the middle of her stream of self congratulatory blather, she swings out into the bedroom to find Theo! How embarrassing! Especially since he's holding a gun to Bob's terrified head! 

 

Let's all be bad people and admit we totally enjoyed the next few minutes: Theo asking politely after his shovel and if the cat's got Nancy's tongue, "for once", shooting Nancy in the damn chest and asking Bob to be honest and say he enjoyed that just a little. Bob, to his credit, denies it with a head shake and Theo sighs regretfully, saying that's too bad, since he's going to enjoy being set up as a murder-suicide instigator even less. I am Snookums, and I am a bad person who totally enjoyed that. I accept that I am powerless over savoring snotty nosed bitch soccer moms going down in one shot...

 

And we are back at Casa de Ryan, who has at least been trying, what with both cleaning up after last night's debacle and currently cooking breakfast. Gwen, coming out of the bedroom (where I assume Ryan did not dare to tread, considering) comments on same, and Ryan tries to minimize the damage, grinning that he figures he should dig himself out of the doghouse while scooping up some truly terrible looking bacon onto a plate. Dude, what did you do, boil it? That is some limp ass bacon. You really should not be half assing this.

 

Gwen agrees with me, saying his shit stinks more then bacon and eggs can cover. Back and forth where Ryan apologizes but says he just could not listen to the guy's bullshit and Gwen says he's a trauma surgeon who deals with the results of violence every day and you guys? You're both getting off track here. Especially when Gwen says she's not going to argue the death penalty with him (good idea, since THAT'S NOT THE ISSUE. The issue is that you two are TERRIBLE FOR EACH OTHER) and that she has to get ready for work. Well, that should be nice and awkward. What do you bring as a thank you gift for a dinner party where you were chucked out by your employee's very overly tightly wound boyfriend for being a jackass? I don't think wine alone will cover it.

 

Ryan, at a loss, is saved by a knock at the door. Hey, maybe somebody out there wants bacon and eggs! He heads over to find--Gina! It's a bit early, but that's okay since she's there to announce that she's in until they catch him. Great! Maybe you should tell your actual superiors about that, but first, are you hungry?

 

Cut to a big pile of fluffy pancakes. Maaaaan, this show's making me hungry. Said pannies are being made by Theo, who is really jacking his I Am Perfect Don't Question Me game up to eleven, here. This is going to backfire on you if you're not careful, Theo. But I guess he's in a celebratory mood, what with Nancy never going to bother him again. Cindy shows up for a few seconds of "your plans totally worked and I believe everything you say" when the doorbell rings. Theo heads off to find a cop asking if he's Theo Noble. Theo hesitates, wondering if he can pass this off as the guy having a sudden heart attack, but just says yes.

 

But don't worry, Theo, the guy's just there about that horrible murder-suicide and needs to know if the not so happy couple got into a knife fight or anything at the party last night. Cindy naturally freaks and Theo runs his Perfect Husband Comfort subroutine while allowing himself the smallest of smirks.

 

Back in the Room of Glass at Forever Unnamed Federal Building, Gina's back in the swing of things. Time for more exposition on who backed "Sam" in his FBI check. Mike takes a turn in dragging the plot into the third act and says it was a lawyer named Eldon Wick, who was supposedly Sam's former employer. Eldon Wick? Who the hell does that to their kid? No wonder he turned out terrible. Anyway, the weird thing is that nobody at the firm can recall Sam Lewis every actually appearing in the flesh at his supposed place of employ, although naturally there are unimpeachable records planted everywhere. 

 

That doesn't explain Eldon Wick (OMG THAT NAME), points out Gina. He's real enough; why lie for Sam Lewis? Let's go find out! 

 

Cut to Eldon Wick's palatial residence, which is another giant white house. I'm starting to think the producers have a Presidential fetish or something. This time it's Ryan, Mike and Gina, Max apparently having better things to do, or else the writers were too lazy to fit all four of them in the upcoming scene. Bit of joshery over kicking down the latest door; Gina's all, you scamps, maybe you should try this crazy thing called a search warrant! I just adore when this show tries to pretend actual due process or legalities exist in its universe. 

 

WHAM goes another door that was just innocently minding its own business and time for another tour of a big gorgeous house with nobody in it. It's a theme this season. At least this time, unlike with Kyle and Daisy (man, doesn't it seem like a million years ago that we had to care about those two?) I'm not questioning how all this was paid for. Nobody's home, and the three meet in one of the dozen or so living rooms to ponder what to do. Luckily, Competent Ryan peeks out of his dormer window and points out a electrical cord running under a rug and oddly, down into the floorboards. They crack open the inevitable secret trapdoor and the odor clearly indicates how Eldon Wick and Sam Lewis know each other.

 

Gina declines the honor of firsties and Ryan and Mike descend into another insanely dangerous situation. As is their wont, they call NOBODY. Gina's good for getting a search warrant but then she's pretty much done for the day as far as any procedurals such as calling in to have Wick arrested at his firm or setting up a dragnet or anything is concerned. Ahhh, Gina, how could you ever consider leaving? You are clearly meant to be one of them.

 

Giant Basement of Dark Creepiness and I do have to admit that at least Ryan tried one lightbulb pull chain. Doesn't mean we're not up for our weekly dose of slowly creeping around in the dark brand cod liver oil, though! Open up, here comes the airplane! 

 

To cut this considerably shorter then the show does, there's a fuckton of EARS hanging from strings down here (what is it with serial killers and their desire to decorate with body parts? Their Pintrest boards must be a sight to see) and after, as Sarah pointed out, Ryan's hysterical schoolgirl flinch from one of the dangling nasties, they SPLIT UP OF FUCKING COURSE and Ryan has a truly terrifying moment where he thinks he sees JOE. Just standing there calling his name, and in his utter panic he falls straight backwards over a box, coming within a split second of shooting the apparition.

 

And it's a good thing he didn't because that was of course Mike, not Joe, who's now advancing and asking if he's okay. Ryan most assuredly is NOT (His newly re-relevant pacemaker must be clocking up the overtime, seriously) but manages to gasp out he's good, just tripped. That really was a well done bit, and conveys that Ryan came perilously close to gunning down a fellow officer and friend because he was not in control of his own mind. Enjoy this while it lasts, guys.

 

Time's up! Ryan gets to his feet as Mike makes another truly gross discovery--what's left of a victim strapped to a chair in a closet, with his brain fully on display. Once again, The Following wants to thrill us with SHOCKING HORROR, but all I can think of is that's the third reference to a Harris novel in two episodes and wondering which of the writers got his/her script rejected over at NBC's Hannibal. Stop doing things we saw at the movies two decades ago, show.

 

Back upstairs with Gina, who's just spotted a car in the driveway! Which would not be there had Gina called the local PD and set up some traffic stops! Also, Gina is apparently deaf because she heard neither the car nor the guy who just bumrushed her! I can sort of see why Gina wanted to avoid her disciplinary hearing!

 

Hearing the *thump* of Gina hitting the floor, Ryan and Mike rush upstairs, and Ryan out the door to see Eldon Wick making a dive for his car door. Competent Ryan, in a frenzy of desperation, throws Ryan's body forward and has him smash the driver side glass in order to put a gun to Eldon's head after breaking a few of the guy's bones! This is a HUGE improvement over Ryan's usual method of standing in the street watching his suspect get away, you must admit. And since he's got Eldon alive, he and Mike can make fun of his stupid, stupid name all the way to Headquarters! Boy, Ryan's day started out shitty but it's certainly looking up.

 

Cut to Eldon, sporting newly twisted fingers and a black eye, being all Serial Killer Blase' in his interrogation room. Eldon is apparently a bit of a fame whore and is just thrilled down to his frilly panties to have been captured by the Awesome Ryan Hardy. Ryan, who's not too keen to hear that he's got the world's sickest fan club, moves the subject over to Sam Lewis. Eldon would like to live long enough to savor his proximity to Ryan and refuses to say a word, seeing as Sam's methods are even more well known amongst the slaughter intelligentsia then Ryan is.

 

Luckily, Competent Ryan is still at the controls, because he knows he's got a carrot Eldon can't resist--Ryan Hardy giving him a spotlight. "Fame. Our names linked in history forever." He goes on to promise big juicy headlines and Eldon's having trouble keeping his lap level at the idea. Pretty damn smart move there, Ryan. 

 

Eldon, given a chance to rise above his stupid stupid name, takes the bait: a year ago he came home to find a guy sitting on his couch (MAN, Theo/Sam/Whoever really sticks with a theme, doesn't he?) who threatened to out him as a murderer, Eldon having unwisely shared slithery red details on "underground chat rooms" (which by the by? Somebody might want to get on? Because this murderer clearly trolls there and it's a good place to start looking not only for him but other killers in this dank and God-abandoned reality?). He basically wanted Eldon to say he was super duper when the FBI came by and as Eldon points out, that was a no brainer. Ryan asks how to find him and Eldon's all I don't know, dude, but Ryan's not playing this game today. 

 

Eldon says he's got a USB drive that the guy gave him to plant the electronics trail, and he kept it rather then destroying it. That seems like a pretty sloppy move, frankly; Theo seems much more the type to reappear after the plant and demand it back. But Plot Demands This, so onward. He coughs up the hiding place...

 

...and cut to Ryan apparently just wandering up and down one of Nameless Fed's many staircases (c'mon staircase, don't be mean! I know Ryan's been neglectful lately but those hallways meant nothing! They're just friends!) when Max and Gina charge down with the news that the USB drive has basically lifted its skirt and shown its naughty bits--essentially, a signature code is on there, the same one used on the FBI server, and they just found the same code hacking a server in Maryland; specifically the email of a Bob Gibbs. Ryan remembers that the police exist and says they need to send the cops out, but Gina dryly says that they're already there, since an hour before his email was hacked Bob aired out both his wife and his own skull. 

 

Ryan says that's a perfect way to kill without risk, but Gina's all why kill at all? It seems pretty counterintuitive given that he should be laying low, since he knows the FBI's onto him. Ryan speculates correctly that something obviously forced the killer's hand and they'd best head to Maryland to find out what. 

 

Meanwhile, in Maryland, Theo is cleaning up the kitchen and just really taking this Perfect Husband Act to the breaking point when Cindy creeps in, still in shock from the terrible news earlier. She wants to take the kids to the grandparents for the night and go out for a glass of wine or three with the girls to remember Nancy. THAT would be a gathering I'd love to listen in on--how many Merlots do you think it'll take before the "I'm not speaking ill of the dead, but..." shit engine fires up?

 

Perfect Husband Theo's all of course, it'll be good for you to get out, here is a perfect hug! Cindy sniffles as Theo is perfect.

 

Meanwhile, on the FBI plane (at least they don't have to go commercial) Max is pawing through the product placement tablet, looking at the late Gibbs' Facebook page. This is really terrific and congrats to the design team, and the actor playing Bob. Taking all those dorktastic pictures for this must have been fun. Nancy may have been a bitch but she was an efficient one, since between the ending of the party and getting shot she managed to post several shots of the soiree! Including this one containing both the birthday girl and a guy whose neck and hair look prrrreeeeety familiar, they do! Ryan, casting aside his earlier Luddite pronouncement against The Filthy and Corruptible Technology, tells Max to run facial recognition on the woman in the picture right away. Man, Nancy didn't even tag Cindy? Stone cold bitch move.

 

Theo, wandering through his perfect living room and gazing on the remnants of his perfect offspring's afternoon of play, has his self-congratulation moment punctured by a beep from his Murder Doings Phone. Man, that phone is like a fart in an elevator. But it's got some pretty important news--a check's being run on Cindy's DMV records. FUCK. 

 

Theo drops onto his couch, his shimmering mirage of normal life wisping away like mist. He kind of rolls his face and shoulders and closes his eyes, clearly preparing for what he's got to do. He loves his family, truly, but he loves himself more. Michael Ealy does a really good job selling this bit, transforming from grieving to automaton in ten seconds. Hey, I give praise where it's due. Sometimes.

 

Cindy's heading downstairs and into the worst nightmare of her about to be abruptly truncated life, calling that she and the kids are leaving. "No," says New Theo from the foot of the stairs, all life drained from his voice. "On second thought, I think we'll all be staying home tonight." EEEP. 

 

Back from break and Mike's at HQ giving the stats on Theo's current alias and address, saying his house is fifteen minutes from the late Bob and Cindy. He texts the address, and the cut takes us there as well, where Cindy's night has not improved in the least. She's tied to a chair crying while Theo prepares a syringe. Ugh. She begs to know what he's done with the kids, but Theo, his Perfect Husband Act now twisted into Creep Factor Ten, tells her not to worry while he shoots her up and goes into a monologue about how he's got to do this because "they found me," and he's sorry but he's proud of this family and he wishes it didn't have to end, but don't worry, he'll always remember her and keep the memory of what they could have had with all the others he's collected and HOW MANY TIMES HAS HE DONE THIS? Seriously? He can't be more then thirty-five, forty, and those kids are like, eight and ten at least. I suppose he could have had several families on the string at once but even he has limits as to how much area he can cover at a time.

 

Anyway, Cindy has mercifully slipped into that good night and doesn't have to hear any more of this selfish, self-pandering monstrosity of a speech. Theo kisses her and says she won't feel what comes next, that's his gift to her. Oh, GROSS. This scene really underlines how deeply, deeply not-attached to anything Theo is, how he truly doesn't regard the life he built with this woman, the children he had with her, as anything more then a personal plaything. Bleeeeech.

 

Ryan and Company, consisting of him and Gina this time, arrive at the house. No palaver about warrants this time, they bust right in and start the search. I'm not going to rag on them for once about not calling the local PD because they just got this address like two minutes ago.

 

...which was apparently ample time for Theo to go to Cliche' City one last time for his little denouement. Every Overpriced Catalog item is checked off--rose petals, dim lighting, multiple candles everywhere, surrounding poor Cindy on the bed as she lies peacefully with her arms slit to the elbows. Delightful. How did Theo get all this rigged up so fast, again?
 

But no time for that, because Ryan sees a picture getting lovingly covered with wax of this torn apart family unit and gasps "the kids!" Gina blinks in horror and whirls down the hall, but she freezes at the doorway of the kids' bedroom, unable to bear going in. Ryan plunges past her and OF COURSE THE KIDS ARE FINE. I mean, they're not fine, they're going to have to join that support group with Gina's progeny and little Joey, but they're breathing. And this is frankly crap. Not because I'm all Dead Kids Yay!, or because I really think a network show is going to go there, but because it was just amply demonstrated that Theo could not possibly want those children alive for a myriad of horrendous reasons, and his leaving them so is inexcusably sloppy, right up there with his leaving of blood trails and not reclaiming the USB drive and everything else. Some ghost.

 

Ryan hollers out the bedroom door for an ambulance (who's he yelling at? Was Max there? I didn't see her anyplace) but the next scene is indeed an ambulance hauling the kids off to the hospital and hopefully for deep hypnotherapy so they forget they ever had Theo for a dad. Gina's propped up by the front door, watching numbly, and when Ryan approaches her she says that's it for her, she's quitting for real. Ryan halfheartedly attempts to say something but she's adamant: "I can't face another door like that. I can't." Honestly I cannot blame her. 

 

Reaching for her badge, she unsnaps it and hands it off to Ryan (wait, is that all you have to do? Don't you need to give that to your superior officer? And your gun? And sign something?) saying this job steals your soul. "You should get out too, Ryan. Go live your life with Gwen while you still can." I pretty much agree with everything except the Gwen part. 

 

Well, we're almost done, but there's just enough time for one more Cliche' Bingo Stamp: The Killer Calls The Cop! Yes! And you thought this show didn't care! Ryan's cell rings, he answers and hears the line we can all say in tandem, it's so expected: " Agent Hardy." Yes, it's Ex-Theo, standing under a streetlight next to his car that he's...apparently spun out. Either that or he was Tokyo Drifting and remembered he had a call to make.

 

Ryan gestures frantically to Max (hey, there she is!) telling her to trace the call in a hissing stage whisper that Canada Geese flying overhead can probably hear, let alone Theo. He swings back onto the call with the whole "what am I supposed to call you?" thing, and we watch, wearily, as the entire thing unfolds by the numbers--I control my family's fate; you don't control anything (at least Ryan wasn't stupid enough to tell him the kids are alive); how did you find me;  you're a smart guy, you figure it out; the code I'M SO STUPID ( no argument there, buddy, that was REALLY STUPID) but I was in a rush, see; I'll find you no matter what; threats of omniscient revenge--"I'll take your future, as I have hundreds before you."

 

(Okay, again, HOW many people has Theo/Sam/Carl/Whatthefuckever killed over the years? I'm not doubting it's a lot, mind you, but unless he's sipping from the Fountain of Youth between kills and is a LOT older then he looks, I've got to have some hard outlines here. Especially with the notion that he runs around starting families and then offing them and NOBODY HAS NOTICED.)

 

Anyway, Theo wraps up his threat and hangs up, leaving Ryan standing in a puddle of half-hearted Final Song as Max indicates that the trace was useless and Theo swings back into his car, driving off into the final card. Woof. Once again, the longest of days for Ryan Hardy. 

 

Okay, so that's the second half. Thanks so much for reading and your lovely encouragements! Next Week: Ryan gets followed around by evil traffic lights and considers an unorthodox mentoring program!

Edited by Snookums
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