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Celebrating 1,000 NCIS-franchise episodes

Quotes: As God is my witness...

David T. Cole

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Shannon L.

Shannon L.

Oh there are so many!  I still quote this show now after all these years and am so happy when someone gets it!  Just a few for now:

"What do you call a guy who likes a girl who used to be a guy but isn't anymore?"

"Oh go ahead, Herb.  The frog is dying!  Just call him up and say 'hi, my pink frog is sick and I'd like you to come up and look at his feet."

"Hirsch! Where have you been?!"; "Mardi Gras, madam."

"It's just like in the movies.  You can wipe out the entire confederate army--thousands of men, deader than door nails and nobody cares, but you kill one collie and everyone collapses in grief!"

I just realized that I could go on and on and on.....  :)

 

 

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The Crazed Spruce

The Crazed Spruce

(edited)

Don't remember exactly what episode it's from, but one of my favourite Johnny lines (I even used it as my signature in a forum I used to frequent) was:

"When the whole world's out to get you, paranoia's just smart thinking."

Edited by The Crazed Spruce
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Shannon L.

Shannon L.

 

Herb to Jennifer (and this may not be exact wording) "Oh, hey-I'm sorry that your guy bought the farm, but look at it this way:  He was filthy rich and died eating at the best restaurant in town while sitting next to you.  Not a bad way to go if you ask me."

"I don't do little gustos, Herb"

"You all had an orgy last night!  And I wasn't invited!"

I accidentally put this in the Musical Moments thread.  How do I copy and paste w/o having to put it in quotes?  It won't give me a paste option until I've hit the quote button.

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Shannon L.

Shannon L.

Ah yes...however, I didn't have the tags, just the box.  Can you tell me now to find the tags?  Wait....I just saw "Full Editor".  That's it, right?

Back on topic:  "Surely you must know some black, plantation voodoo that takes paint off a frog?"

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PrincessLuceval

PrincessLuceval

The tornado episode, with the Japanese tourists (very, very un PC stereotype with their cameras around their necks). One of the tourists excitedly points out the window (at the coming tornado). Carlson mutters to himself:"He probably spotted a Fotomat."

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MarkHB

MarkHB

Hirsch, from the finale:

"Fever!  You're the one who has caused Madam so much trouble for all of these years!  Just a moment..."

<turns to call offstage>

"Madam!  Your physician is here!"

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AriAu

AriAu

"It gets pretty strange after that"

My favorite part of Les Nesman's story in the Turkey episode-actually everything he says in the last 5 minutes is comedy gold

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babyhouseman

babyhouseman

I vaguely remembered this scene and IMDB provided it:

Andy Travis: [knocks doorknob out of Doug's hand, forcing the door closed... holds his hand out] Where's the coke?
Doug Winner: I don't know. I guess Carlson puts it on his feet.
Arthur 'Big Guy' Carlson: [Doug leaves and Andy turns to Carlson, stunned] Good heavens! I've lost all the feeling in my left foot!
[stomping his foot on floor]
Arthur 'Big Guy' Carlson: For the love of Pete, Andy, I'm hooked!
Andy Travis: No, you're gonna be fine!
Arthur 'Big Guy' Carlson: [beating frantically on his foot with his shoe] I've got a monkey on my foot!

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darbar

darbar

Jennifer responding to Herb when he asked her what she did that night.  "Seeing different men, letting them have their way with me."  Herb nearly dropped dead with that  one.  

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AriAu

AriAu

Was talking about how bad commercials were on a local radio station and I said, it's not like its Red wigglers or anything....and no one laughed.

 

"Red wigglers, the Cadillac of worms...of worms"

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AriAu

AriAu

(edited)

From the episode where Venus and Johnny are tested as they drink:

"Cop's got a hat, I need a hat".

Almost everything in that episode made me crack up, especially the scenes with the cops and Johnny, as he keeps getting faster and faster response times the more he drinks. It is also the episode with the Pig and the Carp (Herb) getting into a fight in the bathroom. Saw it last night while I was surfing around and laughed a lot, even knowing everything that was going on

Edited by AriAu
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ethalfrida

ethalfrida

 I just think Dr.Johnny Fever's character is developed so right on. Love his "Fellow Babies".

Speaking of quotes:  Old guy to Jennifer.. "I'm not as old as I look".

Jennifer: "But are you as poor as you look?"

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BMGepinniw

BMGepinniw

(edited)

Thanks IMDB for the quote.

 

Jennifer is sitting in the bar, after having convinced Lucille to take Herb back.  I wish I could remember what the server says with each drink he puts in front of her - something about a long shoreman, ? a cowboy, and the rest escapes me.  Then Andy, Venus, Johnny and Les come up to the table:

 

Jennifer Elizabeth Marlowe: Hi guys!

Andy Travis: Oh, what's your sign?

Venus Flytrap: You live around here, mama?

Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: Want a little action, sugar?

Jennifer Elizabeth Marlowe: Well, Les, don't you have an opening line?

Les Nessman: [Looks uneasy, then sits down an picks up a drink] Hi, I'm extremely wealthy.

Jennifer Elizabeth Marlowe: Ooh.

Edited by BMGepinniw
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JeanneH

JeanneH

(edited)

I have to give the lead-up for the quote(s) to make sense, I think.  In the season 2 Christmas episode (Jennifer's Home for Christmas), everyone is talking about their holiday plans except for Jennifer, who says she's not doing anything special. The others think she will be home alone, and so they all end up at Jennifer's. Everyone brings a tree with them except for Herb (Andy tells Herb he can't come in without a tree). The big reveal is that Jennifer is not going to be home, or alone, she's spending her holiday in Bethlehem with her gentleman friend:

 

Herb: You’re going to Bethlehem, Pennsylvania?

Jennifer: No Herb, THE Bethlehem.

Johnny: Now that’s a down home Christmas.

Edited by JeanneH
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suprfrog

suprfrog

Carlson: "Do I hear...dogs barking on that thing?"

Johnny: "I do..."

"...and I, myself, have personally just seen a giant pig. He is currently painting the walls of our lobby."

Herb: "Venus, how do you get pink paint off a frog?"
Venus: "Oh, I dunno Herb. How *do* you get pink paint of a frog?"

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AriAu

AriAu

(edited)

"It's bad luck to take advice from a crazy person."

 

Herb Tarlik line that I quote all the time...usually about clients of mine.

Edited by AriAu
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NausetGirl

NausetGirl

Just remembered the episode where some of the characters - can't remember exactly who - are discussing how female athletes from the Soviet Bloc countries often had a "less-than-feminine" appearance.  Less tells everyone "I think that's what happened to Jimmy Hoffa.  They took him to Russia and turned him into a woman!!!" 

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NausetGirl

NausetGirl

It may have been from the final episode.  A beautifully-delivered line from Gary Sandy playing a very inebriated Andy in the drawing room of Momma Carlson's mansion.  She comes into the room and Andy says: "Mrs Carlson... I'm sick your crud!!!"

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Mrs. Stanwyck

Mrs. Stanwyck

From the episode where Jennifer is the executrix of the guy's estate - during the video reading of the will:

 

"And to my nephew Skippy, I leave a piece of advice - BUY A CAR PEOPLE CAN SEE AROUND ON THE HIGHWAY" (in regards to Skippy's beloved van)

 

Whenever I am on the road trapped behind a car I can't see around, this line always pops into my head.

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