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Small Talk: The Impala

radishcake

By radishcake
in Supernatural

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Mick Lady
Mick Lady

Guys, I came here tonight to give an update on me, but screw that!   catrox, I've been emotionally stable my entire life. I grew up in a great family, and have a (almost) perfect marriage Life has b

Mick Lady
Mick Lady

Hey Guys! Sorry I've been away so long! So much has happened with you all, and I'll comment on all of that later. I just wanted to get my old friends here up to date with me. First, Omegamom, I h

pixelcat
pixelcat

My cat's picture made the top 50 vote-off for a cat calendar at a local cat rescue (same place I adopted him from).  Yay!

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trxr4kids

trxr4kids

Yeah I've never been opposed to therapy at all. I've done it a few times in my life.

 I agree, I'm saddened there is still some kind of weird stigma attached to just being a freakin human being and needing help sometimes from a totally objective person/ sounding board. I just want to reiterate here, people make mistakes, we're only human. I hope your situation gets better or at the very least more manageable for you. {{{hugs}}} 

catrox14

catrox14

 I agree, I'm saddened there is still some kind of weird stigma attached to just being a freakin human being and needing help sometimes from a totally objective person/ sounding board. I just want to reiterate here, people make mistakes, we're only human. I hope your situation gets better or at the very least more manageable for you. {{{hugs}}} 

 

Thank you!

ahrtee

ahrtee

I'm a firm believer in talking through issues with someone non-judgmental.  As a happy sidenote, I started my therapist watching Supernatural several years ago, and now she's a bigger fan than I am!...it also helps because I can compare things that I'm going through to something that happened in the show and she understands what I mean, even if I can't put it exactly into the right words.  (Remembering the boys' reactions to John's death also helped me deal with my dad's death a few years ago--at least, in understanding that what I was going through was normal and that it would pass--as well as seeing what coping mechanisms *not* to use!)  

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rue721

rue721

catrox, I think you should have more faith in yourself. You were trying your best to make the right choices for yourself back then (and now), and your best is probably pretty good! Even if now, from the outside, your decision looks irrational or misguided or just plain terrible, that doesn't actually mean it was the wrong decision. Past!you was an awesome, competent person (just like you are now) and was trying really hard; you've got to have faith in her. You've also got to trust that she understood her options at least as well as you understand those options now, and that she had valid reasons for picking the option that she did.

 

It's easy to look back and think, "I should have kept/gotten XYZ when I had the chance." But you made the decisions that you did with a goal in mind, too. And you wouldn't have had as good of a shot of actually accomplishing THAT goal if you had gone after XYZ instead.

 

You were trying to get something that was very important to you, and even if you didn't end up getting it, it doesn't mean that trying for it was a *bad* idea, you know? Maybe you didn't actually accomplish the goal that you were shooting for, or only half-way accomplished it, or just don't care about that goal anymore (and don't quite understand why you ever did!), but that doesn't mean that shooting for it was actually a mistake. It doesn't mean that *not* trying for it would have been the better option (or was even an option at all), even if in hindsight you realize that not trying would have gotten you a better consolation prize.

 

I'm not saying that past!you necessarily made the "correct" decisions. This probably isn't "the best of all possible worlds." Everybody's fallible and god knows that I've made lot of decisions that I regret. But on the other hand, I don't think that you should just write off decisions that seem counterproductive or non-linear or irrational now. They made sense to you at the time, and you've got to keep enough faith in yourself to trust that. And who knows, maybe they'll turn out to have been the "right" decisions after all, in the long, long term -- you've just got to stay patient and see where life takes you.

 

Also, for what it's worth, I think you should go easy on yourself when it comes to dealing with your mom's illness and death and where your life is now. It sounds like you (and she) had a really rough time of it. I can't pretend to understand what you're going through, but I can tell you that I've made *major,* hugely life-altering decisions in the past because my relationship with my family was shitty and I wanted/needed to make it better -- and the truth is that my relationship with them is much better now as a direct consequence of those decisions. It's easy to look at the things I DON'T have because I prioritized that relationship, and to discount the worth of that relationship now that it's not actively causing me pain to the point that fixing it is my #1 priority, and to regret those decisions. But the truth is that a good relationship with my family actually is very important and instead of dwelling in regret and imagined loss, I need to focus on what I've *gained.* Now that you've recovered from your grief to the point that dealing with it doesn't have to be your #1 priority, maybe you're seeing all the opportunity costs of the decisions you made to get to this point -- and discounting the importance of what you've gained, too?

trxr4kids

trxr4kids

(edited)

I just realized my "likes" are often contradictory. What do you think that says about me as a person? ;) I'll be back later after I find a totally, completely accurate online quiz ( 10 answers or less hopefully ) to determine if I have a multiple personality disorder or if my opinions/ thoughts are just that elusive.

 

ETA: sidenote that has nothing to do with potential voices in my head but may seem related. Why do random family members think it's okay to show up unannounced and stay seemingly forever at my house? I'm being completely rude and ignoring them because I'm posting right now dammit and still. Granted I'm not the only person in my household and he isn't really here to visit me but geez can't you pick up the go away vibe? This person is not the only family member I have that does this. I love my family but could it hurt to call first before you show up randomly for several hours completely disregarding our plans for the day, bringing their dogs or small children, mind you, so that I have to rush around safety and or chew proofing the house? END RANT!

Edited by trxr4kids
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catrox14

catrox14

Thank you Rue721 (and everyone else!)

 

(Now can you get out of my head please LOL. Just kidding!)

 

In general, I do try to look at things as making the best choice in the moment. I think to myself okay I did what I did and I usually come to a point of acceptance that I was trying to do my best. I come to understand why I chose or did X thing and then try to not repeat those mistakes. But for some reason this particular thing....is really eating at me.  What astounds me about it is that I am not usually one who looks TOO long at my mistakes, or what I perceive to be mistakes (in hindsight of course). i mean sure I'll think about them but I'm not attached to the issue anymore nor  upset with myself anymore.  But damn this time, it's harder to shake.

 

The funny thing is I have absolutely said this to my friends and other people..that they made the best decision they could..and to have faith that they will learn to forgive themselves for whatever decisions they made.  

 

I really do appreciate everyone's thoughtful responses. You've given me a lot to think about and I really appreciate the support :)

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ahrtee

ahrtee

Catrox, I'm not going to repeat what everyone already said (though I agree with it all) or tell you what you already know (I hope I'm not repeating, anyway...)  

 

But having just gone through years of major stress, dealing with 90+ year old parents, their illnesses and deaths (and my sister and I alternating between very, very bitter fights and crying on each other's shoulders),  I know how that messes with your mind.  One day you think you're fine, the next day you're "how could I have said/done/thought that!"  And it's perfectly logical to go to a therapist, think everything is settling down and you're coping, and then all of a sudden, days, weeks, sometimes months later it's back.  Or something different comes up.  Or you wake up in the middle of the night thinking of what you should have done or said months ago.  Or *shouldn't* have.

 

 I've been told that when stress goes on too long, it's like PTSD, even when you're not really *aware* of how stressed you are, which is pretty common when you have long-term stress that builds gradually instead of one giant adrenalin-dump of an event.  Then all of a sudden, your emotions are unstable, or you're doing things you normally wouldn't (like obsessing over something you normally would have brushed off).  Sometimes you just have to breathe through it and wait it out.  

 

And I do recommend talking to a therapist--I've gotten some good (new) coping mechanisms for times when my usual ones aren't working.  And, odd as it sounds, there are times when you don't *want* sympathy or absolution from friends, just someone impartial and non-judgmental to vent to.  

 

Again, I know I'm late to the conversation here, and hope I'm not being too repetitive or simplistic.  And I wish you luck!

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catrox14

catrox14

 

I've been told that when stress goes on too long, it's like PTSD, even when you're not really *aware* of how stressed you are, which is pretty common when you have long-term stress that builds gradually instead of one giant adrenalin-dump of an event.  Then all of a sudden, your emotions are unstable, or you're doing things you normally wouldn't (like obsessing over something you normally would have brushed off).  Sometimes you just have to breathe through it and wait it out.

 

Yeah, I think I do have some PTSD from all this, not being flippant or self-diagnosing but I had major PTSD after leaving an abusive relationship many years ago. I guess I didn't consider this was a similar thing.  I figured I would give it 6 to 8 months to fade and it's not nearly as bad as it was. I'm not immediately associating making dinner with making meals for Mom or doing housework isn't triggering anymore. Those were major bonding and (occasionally argument times for us LOL).   But yeah I'm definitely feeling those roller coaster emotions. I went to the store the other day and was standing next to this elderly lady and she asked me to read something that she couldn't and helped her with that and as she walked away, I totally saw my mom in my head and nearly lost it. And I thought...JFC...REALLY now?? 

 

Yeah, definitely time for a tune up LOL

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ahrtee

ahrtee

Yeah, I think I do have some PTSD from all this, not being flippant or self-diagnosing but I had major PTSD after leaving an abusive relationship many years ago. I guess I didn't consider this was a similar thing.  I figured I would give it 6 to 8 months to fade and it's not nearly as bad as it was. I'm not immediately associating making dinner with making meals for Mom or doing housework isn't triggering anymore. Those were major bonding and (occasionally argument times for us LOL).   But yeah I'm definitely feeling those roller coaster emotions. I went to the store the other day and was standing next to this elderly lady and she asked me to read something that she couldn't and helped her with that and as she walked away, I totally saw my mom in my head and nearly lost it. And I thought...JFC...REALLY now?? 

 

Yeah, definitely time for a tune up LOL

Yeah, it sneaks up on you when you're least expecting it.  About a year after my dad died, I happened to walk past a drugstore that had walkers in the window and suddenly I flashed to helping my dad pick one out about 2 years before, and almost doubled over in the street.  It only lasted a few seconds.  And about a month ago I was at services at the synagogue, sitting next to a very lovely woman in her late 80s who I've known for about 10 years.  We were singing one of the prayers and all of a sudden, her voice sounded just like my mom's at the end:  very little and quavery and off-key but trying so hard to keep up; and I just burst into tears right there.  Luckily, everyone there knew about my mom so I didn't even have to explain or feel embarrassed.  So, yeah, just go with it.  It does fade, but a tune up couldn't hurt.  At least you can be reassured that it's all normal.

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Commando Cody

Commando Cody

I was thinking that I would like to visit Lily Dale someday. 

 

I don't know how familiar any of you are with the road maps that have come out in recent years. For example - road maps of the national parks or road map tour of breweries, road map tour of landmarks. 

 

Anyway, I was thinking about a Supernatural road map tour. The cities they visit are real. Lily Dale is a real stop and bill themselves as the most psychic town in America. These maps can't be that difficult to make. Other than Lily Dale and Lawrence, Kansas, what can't miss places would you put on the tour?

 

Maybe this needs to go in the You Watch Too Much Supernatural thread. 

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rue721

rue721

(edited)

That would be so fun, Commando Cody!

 

Van Nuys would have to be on it. (ETA:  that's where Zachariah's "beautiful room" was in Point of No Return). Which cracks me up. I used to live on the North Hollywood/Van Nuys border. I loved it there, but it's a shithole.

 

I want to buy a bunch of Impalas and rent them out to people taking this tour, too :P

Edited by rue721
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Commando Cody

Commando Cody

It is going to take some time. I was thinking about re-watching from the beginning and marking all the cities they have been to. I know some other people on the web have listed the cities, but they seemed to have quit updating after 2010. Other than Lily Dale, I don't remember if they visited any other real tourist attractions. 

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Mick Lady

Mick Lady

I had some grief counseling not long after she passed and during the process. And  I was making good progress and didn't feel I needed that anymore. But the worst part is that I really did think I was making the best decision at the time.  Alas. Maybe I need a tuneup! Thanks everyone.

 

Guys, I came here tonight to give an update on me, but screw that!

 

catrox, I've been emotionally stable my entire life. I grew up in a great family, and have a (almost) perfect marriage Life has been extremely kind to me, and I know it. But' I've been in therapy several times in my life!. I don't get the stigma. Everyone can benefit from a good therapist! I'm in therapy now, and thank God for it. When my parents passed away, especially my Mom, it saved me! I'd encourage everyone to try it, the insights you get are amazing. It's been my experience that the most self reflective, intelligent people seek therapy.

 

One piece of advice, don't be afraid to interview several therapists until you find someone you trust. I went through six before I found the one I see now. It makes all the difference!

 

Okay, rant off. I'm doing okay, fighting like hell. I just haven't had the energy to check in and for that I'm truly sorry! I'll be better, I promise! I didn't know you all cared so damn much until I got some PMs. It just hurt too much to come here, I missed you all so much!

 

Thank you all for caring about me! I had no idea! Special thanks to catrox and Omegamom,

  • Love 13
SueB

SueB

Guys, I came here tonight to give an update on me, but screw that!

 

catrox, I've been emotionally stable my entire life. I grew up in a great family, and have a (almost) perfect marriage Life has been extremely kind to me, and I know it. But' I've been in therapy several times in my life!. I don't get the stigma. Everyone can benefit from a good therapist! I'm in therapy now, and thank God for it. When my parents passed away, especially my Mom, it saved me! I'd encourage everyone to try it, the insights you get are amazing. It's been my experience that the most self reflective, intelligent people seek therapy.

 

One piece of advice, don't be afraid to interview several therapists until you find someone you trust. I went through six before I found the one I see now. It makes all the difference!

 

Okay, rant off. I'm doing okay, fighting like hell. I just haven't had the energy to check in and for that I'm truly sorry! I'll be better, I promise! I didn't know you all cared so damn much until I got some PMs. It just hurt too much to come here, I missed you all so much!

 

Thank you all for caring about me! I had no idea! Special thanks to catrox and Omegamom,

 

Thank you Thank you Thank you.  We've been having kittens over your absence.  But we don't want to be a burden.  So come if you can but we understand if it's difficult. 

  • Love 5
Diane

Diane

Guys, I came here tonight to give an update on me, but screw that!

 

catrox, I've been emotionally stable my entire life. I grew up in a great family, and have a (almost) perfect marriage Life has been extremely kind to me, and I know it. But' I've been in therapy several times in my life!. I don't get the stigma. Everyone can benefit from a good therapist! I'm in therapy now, and thank God for it. When my parents passed away, especially my Mom, it saved me! I'd encourage everyone to try it, the insights you get are amazing. It's been my experience that the most self reflective, intelligent people seek therapy.

 

One piece of advice, don't be afraid to interview several therapists until you find someone you trust. I went through six before I found the one I see now. It makes all the difference!

 

Okay, rant off. I'm doing okay, fighting like hell. I just haven't had the energy to check in and for that I'm truly sorry! I'll be better, I promise! I didn't know you all cared so damn much until I got some PMs. It just hurt too much to come here, I missed you all so much!

 

Thank you all for caring about me! I had no idea! Special thanks to catrox and Omegamom,

Thank you so much for updating us, we were worried. We missed you. Hang in there and know we are sending you our strength.

  • Love 4
trxr4kids

trxr4kids

I second all of this! And beanies is a good idea. And if you are going to need them for a little while, I would love to make you some (After next week's overly busy work schedule I should have some time to knit you some.) I have some awesomely soft yarns made of bamboo that should feel nice on your head. Here are some examples of some of my previous hats...

 

post%20hats.jpg

post%20hats3.jpg

 

Let me know if you'd be interested... Hats aren't everyone's thing, and maybe not as pretty as scarves. If you'd like some though, just let me know what colors you like and I'll send you some if you want! (I make hats a lot, and since I just resupplied my sister in law a couple of months ago, I don't have any pending hat obligations.)

AwesomO I thought of you, specifically this post yesterday while dropping off some books. I don't know if it's something you'd be interested in or even if it's possible in your area but I donate books to the children's hospital in my area and they also take items like yours. To give some vague backstory, years ago my then 14year old was in this hospital for a little over a month.

 

It wasn't cancer, but he did have brain surgery, he's fine, but the little shit knowing he had to have part of his head shaved decided it was time to get the mohawk he'd wanted since he was like 10( I'll look uneven he said) and persuaded me into letting him have it died blue ( that way people will only stare at the blue not the surgical site , he said). FYI that fades to a greenish color fairly quickly and requires a lot of upkeep.

 

 I was thankfully able to stay with him 80% of the time, my husband stayed on weekends so I could go home and spend time with our other kids. When it came time to finally go home he had a ton of books and games that were duplicates from home ( his brother is a year younger and they shared the same tastes) so I asked the staff if we could just donate them or if it had to be newly purchased items, they were thrilled because apparently there was a pretty big discrepancy between item donations for babies and younger children and teens.

 

To make an incredibly long story short, I was thinking I bet there are teen girls or boys who would love your hats and just wanted to throw that out there in case it was something you hadn't thought of because I know that prior to personal experience it wasn't on my radar like at all, like monetary donations sure but items no. The same children's hospital also receives donations of handmade baby and children items, like quilts, hats, booties, etc. So like I said I don't know if there even is a children's hospital near you or if they except homemade items but I thought I'd mention it because I love your hats they're truly, get ready for it, awesome!

  • Love 1
AwesomO4000

AwesomO4000

Thank you so much, trxr4kids, and I'll definitely keep that in mind.

 

I often wonder, because it isn't always easy to find yarn that is soft enough for a bald head... at least yarn that isn't really expensive - not that that should entirely be a hindrance that is. However, sometimes selection is also not so large. I was lucky a few months back in that they had a large sale on bamboo yarn, and I picked up quite a bit. I wish now that I had picked up more though. Some of the colors were quite bright, and so I wasn't sure how they would turn out. I knitted some for MickLady (and eventually I hope to get some to her), but I even "lost" one of those, because someone came to visit and saw one of the hats and wanted it for his daughter, and even though I sort of jacked up the price as compared to what I usually charge, thinking "okay he won't want it now, and so I don't have to say 'no'," but he still did - doh! So I need to make MickLady another one (I have 2 for her left). But when I went to the store to get another skein of yarn to go with the one I had left in that color, they didn't have 1/3 the selection they had at the sale - bummer. So I learned my lesson. Hoard the yarn! (I guess I really do need all the yarn - hee!)

 

Long story short for me now, I'll have to find out what kind of hats can be used on children in the hospital's heads, so they don't irritate skin or scars or whatnot. I have some soft acrylic, too, but it's not as breathable or soft as the bamboo. Cotton can also be soft, but it isn't very "stretchy" (so a hat won't as easily adapt to variously sized heads.) You've given me something to think about for sure though.

 

I hope also to do a craft show in the fall, so I'll be making hats for that - and I didn't forget that I promised you guys a chance, too! Eventually I might show you guys my latest creations - I made my own new pattern for MickLady where the hat is reversible, and I really like it, so I've been using that one now. It's sort of like the hat on the top left of the top picture, but better. (I also make hats with ear flaps which are fairly popular here in Georgia, but they take a little longer to make). I wear my Jayne hat as part of my Jayne costume for Dragon*Con, but that isn't the pattern I use for my real hats, because well, it's not the most attractive hat pattern - hee.

  • Love 2
Commando Cody

Commando Cody

I'll be home tomorrow from my road trip. I managed to hit a few of Sam and Dean's cities. Oklahoma City, Guthrie, OK, Lawrence, Kansas, Kansas City, MO and Ankeny, Iowa. There were a couple closer cities in OK that I thought about visiting, but I didn't have that much time. I didn't really have much time to be a tourist in any of those cities either. So I didn't get the pictures I really wanted, but it was fun to see what the cities really look like. Lawrence was a quaint looking town with plenty of shade trees and un-mowed lawns. The houses were cute. I wish I had more time to spend in that part of the country. I almost never go there.

  • Love 1
Diane

Diane

I'll be home tomorrow from my road trip. I managed to hit a few of Sam and Dean's cities. Oklahoma City, Guthrie, OK, Lawrence, Kansas, Kansas City, MO and Ankeny, Iowa. There were a couple closer cities in OK that I thought about visiting, but I didn't have that much time. I didn't really have much time to be a tourist in any of those cities either. So I didn't get the pictures I really wanted, but it was fun to see what the cities really look like. Lawrence was a quaint looking town with plenty of shade trees and un-mowed lawns. The houses were cute. I wish I had more time to spend in that part of the country. I almost never go there.

Should have come to Tulsa, OK. Hope you had a good road trip.

Diane

Diane

(edited)

We are so much better the Okcity, just ask us, lol

I did have a good time. We drove as far as Oklahoma City. I looked at a map to see how many of those cities were feasible and not far off the route. We only had six days. We spent two of those days in Oklahoma City.

We are so much better than Okcity, just ask us, lol Edited by Diane
rue721

rue721

I'll be home tomorrow from my road trip. I managed to hit a few of Sam and Dean's cities. Oklahoma City, Guthrie, OK, Lawrence, Kansas, Kansas City, MO and Ankeny, Iowa. There were a couple closer cities in OK that I thought about visiting, but I didn't have that much time. I didn't really have much time to be a tourist in any of those cities either. So I didn't get the pictures I really wanted, but it was fun to see what the cities really look like. Lawrence was a quaint looking town with plenty of shade trees and un-mowed lawns. The houses were cute. I wish I had more time to spend in that part of the country. I almost never go there.

 

Very cool! I would like to spend more time in Kansas again, too. I lingered and took my time driving through it when I moved back East a couple years ago.

 

I loved the wind and the skies there, and the food was good (I'm a sucker for fried chicken). Plus, there were so many WEIRD places. Nicodemus was one of the most haunting places I've ever been. Oh, and are there still billboards advertising free land if you're willing to live on it? Seeing those blew my mind.

 

Where were you driving to/from? Was it a vacation, or a move?

 

Oh, and what about Bobby's home -- Sioux Falls, SD? That needs to be on the SPN roadtrip list!

Commando Cody

Commando Cody

 

Where were you driving to/from? Was it a vacation, or a move?

 

 

 

A friend of mine got us tickets to see Ben Folds in OKC. We drove there from Minnesota. Other than the Supernatural cities, we stopped at the Surf Ballroom in Clear Lake, Iowa and visited the Buddy Holly crash site. I never knew there were markers there. We went to the Oklahoma City Memorial. That was amazing. We went there once during the day and once at night - after the concert - because it lights up after dark. On the way home yesterday we visited Winterset, Iowa to see the John Wayne museum. We are in Mason City today. My friend has to get back on the plane today, but we have a couple of extra hours. We are going to go look at Music Man Square here. Mason's claim to fame is that it is Meredith Wilson's birthplace. 

  • Love 2
DittyDotDot

DittyDotDot

Works for me too.

 

I've been watching S2 lately and they have this featurette called "The Devil's Roadmap" where they pinned the different episodes on a map of the US and inserted a little tidbit about each one. I was thinking of you when I was watching the little features last night, Commando Cody.  Very cool. I hope to see it when you get it all finished.

  • Love 1

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