Pet Peeves: Aka Things That Make You Go "Gah!"

[backformore]

Slightly related, my forum font is still teeny tiny whereas the rest of the site looks fine.  Does anybody know how to fix this?

I have no idea, but if you go to Forums, there's an Information section, then "site business"   and a  topic for questions.

Edited April 5, 2016 by backformore

[Jaded]

Slightly related, my forum font is still teeny tiny whereas the rest of the site looks fine.  Does anybody know how to fix this?

In the menu for what ever browser your using there should be a Zoom option or try pressing the Ctrl button and the +/= button at the same time. To decrease the size you can press the Ctrl button and the _ /-  button at the same time.

Edited April 5, 2016 by Jaded

[Qoass]

Thanks, Jaded!!!!  That was it!

 

Just in time for a new pet peeve, a paraphrase...

 

First post:  I think the sky is blue.

 

Second post:  I think the grass is green.

 

Third post:  Am I the only one who thinks the sky is blue?

 

Granted, I have a tendency to skip some multi-paragraph posts, but if you're gonna say something, read what you plan to talk about!

[DeLurker]

Here's a pet peeve. 

On the bottom of this page, and a lot of other webpages, I keep getting little "click here"  things with photos of women who, apparently "have aged disgustingly"  or  'you won't believe what she looks like now!"

Yes, some famous women looked fabulous in bikinis when they were 20, and then in later years, gained some weight, got wrinkles, sagged, their hair lost its lustre, etc.  and they nolonger have the "beach body"  they once had.    SO THE FUCK WHAT! 

The people who put up these photos - go ask your mothers and grandmothers for photos of themselves when they were at their best -   and compare them to today.   are they DISGUSTING?   or is it just part of the normal aging process that people get older? 

I never look at those because they bug the shit out of me too.  They take a picture of someone who was probably in the top 2% of population in attractiveness at their prime, and post a the worst photo they could snag some 30+ years later.  And yep, just women because it is a mortal sin to be female and not look as "hot" as you did 30 years ago.

[Maizie131]

First of all - kudos to everyone who lambasted the tabloids/internet sites that show women celebrities in "the autumn of their life" who (they purport) haven't aged gracefully.  I've just returned from my first vacation in 5 years and was forced to wear a bathing suit IN PUBLIC because I had the opportunity to swim with dolphins w/my 8 & 10 y.o. Granddaughters!  I was mortified, but I did it!  I'll be 65 in July, and let me tell you...my bod in a bathing suit is NOT pretty!  I'm 5'3" and 110 lbs.  Skin hanging...ass sagging...little or no muscle tone...I could go on & on.  But hey -- up until 15-20 years ago I was a BABE!  REALLY!  I had my time and it was great, but it's reality now & there's little I can do about it & that's that.  It's life, for chrissakes!  I'm currently reading "Let's Just Say It Wasn't Pretty" by Diane Keaton, and she talks at length about her aging process (she's had NO plastic surgery yet).  I recommend it. 

 

My pet peeve:  SNORING!!!  Oh.My.God.  During our vacation, my "significant other" (man) shared the same hotel room w/me & my Granddaughters, and I'm certain I didn't get more than 4 hours' sleep a night.  It was absolutely horrible!  I even brought a "white noise" machine, but even that wouldn't work to lessen the sound.  I was exhausted every day, fairly bitchy & I finally got sick w/sore throat & cough.  Note:  When we first started dating he didn't snore AT ALL.  He's gained 40 lbs. since.  I've read that even skinny people snore, however, I'm so pissed at him right now I can hardly see straight. He does NOT have sleep apnea -- trust me...I was awake for hours & he never once gasped for air. 

 

Can we talk about snoring?  And PLEASE tell me how you married people survive it?  At this point I swear to God I will NEVER go on another vacation with him again unless he books TWO ROOMS!!!!! 

[Bastet]

I cannot sleep with a snorer, either.  I know they can't help it, but it's far beyond something that annoys me.  I cannot get back to sleep, and in short order the noise makes me so angry I want to smother them with a pillow. 

[Maizie131]

I cannot sleep with a snorer, either.  I know they can't help it, but it's far beyond something that annoys me.  I cannot get back to sleep, and in short order the noise makes me so angry I want to smother them with a pillow. 

Bastet - thank you!  I was extremely rude to him despite knowing he couldn't help it.  Of course, he eats like a fucking pig, while I (have always) consistently watched my weight, and this only makes me madder because I've worked my whole life to stay slim.  He had a heart stent (major artery) put in 2 years ago, & altho his doc told him he needed to lose 40 lbs., he's only lost about 10 near as I can see. Good thing we don't live together, eh?  And are you ready for this?  He's an M.D.!!!!  (retired)  He's 2 years younger than me.  People say to me, "What a great guy!  Why haven't you ever married?!"  (We've been "together" 21 years)  My response is always the same:  "Because I couldn't afford the attorney fees."  They say, "For what?"  I say, "FIRST DEGREE MURDER!!!"  Seriously! 

[auntlada]

Snoring doesn't bother me, which is good because my husband snores. When I was little, I would wake up in the night and be scared, but I knew if I heard my dad snoring, my mom would be awake so I could go back to sleep.

There are things that help, though. Sometimes my husband uses those nose strip things, and they help some.

[zxy556575]

Why haven't you ever married?!"  (We've been "together" 21 years)  My response is always the same:  "Because I couldn't afford the attorney fees."  They say, "For what?"  I say, "FIRST DEGREE MURDER!!!"  Seriously!

 

As Joy Behar would always say (before she caved and got married): I like a man in my life but not in my house.

 

Re insomnia -- Seth Meyers has a new baby and said on his show last night to forget waterboarding or other forms of torture; after 2 weeks of sleep deprivation he would absolutely blab any secrets he knew to any foreign spy who asked.

[Bastet]

People say to me, "What a great guy!  Why haven't you ever married?!"  (We've been "together" 21 years)  My response is always the same:  "Because I couldn't afford the attorney fees."  They say, "For what?"  I say, "FIRST DEGREE MURDER!!!"  Seriously!

 

I have a friend who's been with her partner for about the same length of time, without marrying or living together.  His house is about two miles away from hers, and it is the ideal situation for them.  But they get that crap all the time, too.  "I don't understand; you have such a great relationship, why don't you get married or at least move in together?"  And they patiently - or not so patiently - explain that great relationship is because they have their own homes.  It's not like either one of them walks up to married/co-habitating friends and demands to know why they made the choices they did, but they're often not extended the same courtesy.

[krimimimi]

I know it's me, being recently unemployed and looking for work, being bored as hell - 

but -  krimimimi   - I'm curious as to how your get-together went on Saturday.    Were you able to have a nice visit with friends despite uninvited guests?

Thanks for asking :-). Short answer: yes.

It *really* helped me to know that I wasn't being completely unreasonable, and I took the suggestions you guys made and had a friend bring fruit.* (And then he didn't respond in a timely fashion, so I panicked and sent Mr. Mimi to the store (again :-p) for grapes and a melon.) Our friend brought (actually yummy) strawberries, and we were swimming in fruit in addition to Mr. Mimi's favorite carrot cake. Served with a side of cream cheese frosting. Menu sorted.

I very firmly believe in being a gracious(ish) hostess. I think I have the right to refuse people admittance to my home, but having decided to allow whomever to enter, I need to suck up whatever is roiling inside me and get my manners under control, because that's on me then. That extends to people Mr. Mimi invites as well, because it's his home, too, and I sure as hell expect him to treat my company with respect, so I damn well need to do the same. Zero wiggle room for me there. (ymmv)

However, reinforced by the knowledge I wasn't being a total nutjob, I took the bull by the horns and actually *talked* to people in advance. (Novel concept.) I explained to Mr. Mimi that I was looking so forward to the visit with friends because I hadn't seen anybody that week. He didn't get that at all, responding basically with a "more the merrier?" which I think explains how Mrs. Officemate ended up feeling "welcome." But he did apologize for his contribution to the situation, which I'm taking as a win, and when I pointed out that all the people *I* had invited actually invite each other to their homes and to birthday celebrations and the like, whereas the Officemates do not (and vice versa, including our guest of honor), he actually finally got the distinction, so win again.

Next, I staggered the times people were invited, and then *told* them I was doing so. I am fairly certain that if you arrive punctually and discover people have been at the cake for a while, you won't feel very welcome, and that violates my concept of hospitality, so that needed explicit explaining. Further, with the death of one of the guest's dad this week, I was reasonably certain there would be some weirdness in the conversation that (knowing the parties involved) wouldn't be explained, and didn't want Mr. and Mrs. Officemate wondering what the ominous pauses were. So I told them about the death, and that the gentleman in question would be arriving with our out of town friend an hour and a half earlier (and Mr. Strawberry a half an hour before the Officemates) and it gave us a chance to catch up, and conversation normalized by the time they got here. And I asked them not to mention it if he didn't, and it worked out fine, and didn't turn into a wake.

I was right that seven people meant at least two conversations, and that I ended up speaking more to the Officemates than the others once they arrived, but Mr. Mimi had seen the "error" of his ways, and for once actually made a good host, and swapped seats with me at some point, so I could talk to the others. My assessment of the various relationships between the people was also correct, our guest of honor hadn't seen Mrs. Officemate in years, the others had never met her, and apparently even Mr. Officemate hadn't met the guy whose dad passed. All of which left me feeling vindicated and less "unreasonable." Oddly, that made it easier to take.

It wasn't bombproof. I'm assuming that if you hear there's been a death in the family of a circle of friends, and you realize you don't even know the guy, you may ask yourself if you should have invited yourself in the first place. The answer is "probably not," and I can't change that fact. I *could have* not highlighted that aspect, never mentioned anything and had everyone arrive at the same time, but it would have been at the expense of myself and the friends I had originally invited and the quality of our conversation. As it was, I think it was a happy medium. The communication was honest, I wasn't an ass, and I made sure that they felt welcome (which they were) and not too weird once they were here, and that people weren't left uncomfortably guessing what those weird pauses and allusions were. And I think I got that nailed this time, so I was reasonably pleased.

Everyone seemed to have a good time, and the Officemates even thanked me for "allowing them to invite themselves," so... ;-)

* Thanks again for everyone's input. It really helped me to arrive at what I think was the best solution for me and *all* my guests.

[Maizie131]

I have a friend who's been with her partner for about the same length of time, without marrying or living together.  His house is about two miles away from hers, and it is the ideal situation for them.  But they get that crap all the time, too.  "I don't understand; you have such a great relationship, why don't you get married or at least move in together?"  And they patiently - or not so patiently - explain that great relationship is because they have their own homes.  It's not like either one of them walks up to married/co-habitating friends and demands to know why they made the choices they did, but they're often not extended the same courtesy.

Bastet - Same thing for me...I found a house for him (per his instruction for me to find one for him) 18 years ago...I found it & it's a beauty, but I've kept MY residence 4 miles away in a really great apartment that I love!  We talk several times/day (at least) and have dinner a couple times a week.  My sweet Granddaughters absolutely ADORE him and refer to him as their "Grandpa."  Hey...works for us!  (UNTIL we go on vacation & are forced into the same room to sleep!!!!)

[krimimimi]

Re snoring, we both sleep with ear plugs (the last dog snored), and have trained the dogs to wake us in the event of weirdness. (Mostly smoke alarm battery change beeping, butcha never know.)

Mr. Mimi used to snore, but had a sinus operation that thankfully pretty much did away with that.

[Petunia13]

A lot of the click bait sights or links of "guess who looks like shit" photo shop them. Just like the "check out what this sexy person." All they want are clicks and page views.

I have good snaps and ones were i look GHASTLY too since I am human.

[Demented Daisy]

I saw one of those earlier today, except it was cute child stars -- you'll never believe what they look like now!  Apparently, Anna Chlumsky grew up to be Kim McGuire (aka Mona "Hatchet-Face" Malnorowski in Cry Baby).

[auntlada]

I'm glad it worked out, krimimimi. You sound like a very nice person.

[Petunia13]

I saw one of those earlier today, except it was cute child stars -- you'll never believe what they look like now! Apparently, Anna Chlumsky grew up to be Kim McGuire (aka Mona "Hatchet-Face" Malnorowski in Cry Baby).

She's on a show called Veep with Julia Louis Dreyfus and Tony Hale.

[magicdog]

I have recently seen grown people in full PJs at IHOP. Like, sheep-jumping-over-fences jammies. I'm certainly not saying we need to return to suits and hats, because I can barely manage to get dressed to go to work, but put on some sweats to go out in public, people, please.

 

 

ITA!!  I can't stand seeing people so darn lazy they couldn't be bothered to put on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt.  I'd give these people the stink eye, but they'd accuse me of being, "judgemental" or something.

 

Snoring doesn't bother me, which is good because my husband snores.

 

 

My mom and dad were like this.  Mom used to tell me she was always grateful to hear his snoring, because that meant he was alive and well!  

 

It makes me wonder if old wealthy families didn't have it right by having married couples sleeping in separate rooms!

 

They take a picture of someone who was probably in the top 2% of population in attractiveness at their prime, and post a the worst photo they could snag some 30+ years later.  And yep, just women because it is a mortal sin to be female and not look as "hot" as you did 30 years ago.

 

 

 

Plus, many of them lived life in the fast lane and were "rode hard, put away wet".  None of that can be good for one's looks or overall health.  They'd be lucky to have survived it since there are so many who didn't.

[Quof]

 

ITA!!  I can't stand seeing people so darn lazy they couldn't be bothered to put on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt.

 

As Stacy and Clinton used to say "How long does it take to fasten a button and pull up a zipper?"  Have a little self respect and don't be so damned lazy.

[topanga]

As Stacy and Clinton used to say "How long does it take to fasten a button and pull up a zipper?"  Have a little self respect and don't be so damned lazy.

Aww, I miss "What Not To Wear." The show was constantly reminding me how much I dressed like a slob, but Stacy and Clinton were hysterical. And I learned practical tips from them. I did ignore some of their advice, however--I will not wear heels and slacks to my child's PTA meeting, for example. But I when I shop for clothes (which is very, very rare), I do make a point of noting whether an outfit flatters my shape rather than just buying it because it's on sale. 

 

 

My mom and dad were like this.  Mom used to tell me she was always grateful to hear his snoring, because that meant he was alive and well!

I hear that. My 12-year old is a silent, still sleeper. There are times when I have stare at him for a few seconds to make sure he's breathing, or I shake him to see if he'll move. So far, so good. 

[Petunia13]

Having a conversation with a person in a public place or workplace and the person bellows "OH MY GOD! I can't believe it!" or shouts "that's terrible."

And naturally because people are in the vicinity or distance someone will ask what you're talking about.

Bitch. You damn well this is a discrete conversation and I was speaking to you one on one not holding a meeting or announcement. So what the fuck the exaggerated Jenny Jones ham reaction? Ugh I can stand stupid ass people who do dumb shit for no reason. Now everyone asks what I told your ignorant ass. You'll probably blab what I said next.

Later you asked me for a favor when I was in the middle of a big project and literally expected me to drop what I was doing and run. Good Bye I'm so done with you and you don't know it yet.

Edited April 6, 2016 by Petunia13

[Quof]

 

I will not wear heels and slacks to my child's PTA meeting, for example.

But why not? What are you wearing instead?  Presumably pants, so what's the difference between putting on a pair of jeans and putting on a pair of wool trousers or cotton slacks?  You're wearing shoes anyway.  Do they have to be sneakers? Can't they be a simple loafer or ballet flat or even a 1" wedge heel?   You're not getting down on the ground to play with the children or running the three-legged race. 

[Qoass]

I think there's a big difference between jeans and slacks and sneakers and shoes.  Jeans are more likely to have useful pockets.  They frequently are easier to keep clean and are warmer in cold weather.  They go with just about any top and don't wrinkle much.  They tend to be forgiving if you had a big lunch.

 

For me, sneakers are ALWAYS more comfortable than any shoe except my favorite clogs.  Sneakers have no heels so they don't get spoiled by my driving while wearing them and I never trip over the pattern in the carpet as I do in shoes.  I can run in sneakers if need be.  Conveniently, they look good with jeans.

 

If I can't be naked, I wear pajamas.  If I can't wear pajamas, I wear sweats.  If I can't wear sweats, I wear jeans.  If I can't wear jeans, I make a serious decision as to why I am going somewhere I can't wear jeans.  Fortunately, my office (and much of the rest of the world) has loosened their dress code.  As long as what I'm wearing is clean and modest, any other issues someone may have with it is their problem.  

 

In fact, that's a pet peeve of mine:  people who judge people by how they look.  I think "decorative" and "professional" are both highly overrated concepts.  Judge me by my actions, not what fabric my pants are made of.

Edited April 6, 2016 by Qoass

[topanga]

But why not? What are you wearing instead?  Presumably pants, so what's the difference between putting on a pair of jeans and putting on a pair of wool trousers or cotton slacks?  You're wearing shoes anyway.  Do they have to be sneakers? Can't they be a simple loafer or ballet flat or even a 1" wedge heel?   You're not getting down on the ground to play with the children or running the three-legged race. 

Is this Stacy? Or Clinton? Seriously, I understand what you're saying, but I guess it boils down to the fact that I save my wool trousers and cotton slacks for work and other occasions where my appearance is part of an overall persona I'm presenting to my co-workers, business partners, clients, etc. When I wear something nice to the grocery store or a PTA meeting, it becomes a "wasted outfit." One that has to go back into the rotation, and I can't wear it to work or a business meeting for a while. I don't have an overwhelming number of work-appropriate clothes. So when I'm walking the dog or listening to the principal explain why my son has to take six standardized tests this spring, you get jeans. Or sweats.  

 

 

My pet peeve of the day: e-mail diarrhea. I'm a member of Groupon and Living Social, and I get their emails advertising the latest special deals. Over the past few weeks, however, the two companies (especially Groupon) have been sending me like 4-5 emails per day. What the hell? I'm sure there must be a way to go in and change my email preferences, but what makes a company think it's okay to litter my inbox 5 times a day with their deals? What if I sent 5 emails a day to the customer service department?

[Qoass]

That's why I keep a separate e-mail address devoted to solicitations.

[backformore]

But why not? What are you wearing instead?  Presumably pants, so what's the difference between putting on a pair of jeans and putting on a pair of wool trousers or cotton slacks?  You're wearing shoes anyway.  Do they have to be sneakers? Can't they be a simple loafer or ballet flat or even a 1" wedge heel?   You're not getting down on the ground to play with the children or running the three-legged race. 

To me, the difference is ease of care.    Jeans and knit pants, go in the washer and dryer.   Some dress slacks need more care - dry cleaning pressing, or at least dried at low temp and hung  up.  PTA meetings aren't all that - just a bunch of parents talking about a fundraiser or asking for volunteers for something.  And for most people, you would go to a PTA meeting wearing what you are already wearing for whatever you were doing that day.   If you're coming from an office, you might be  dressed up.  If you're cleaning, cooking, running errands, you show up looking more casual.

 

I'm a huge fan of Lands End sport knit pants, the heavier weight ones, that easily look like "slacks" but are much more comfortable.

[topanga]

To me, the difference is ease of care.    Jeans and knit pants, go in the washer and dryer.   Some dress slacks need more care - dry cleaning pressing, or at least dried at low temp and hung  up.  PTA meetings aren't all that - just a bunch of parents talking about a fundraiser or asking for volunteers for something.  And for most people, you would go to a PTA meeting wearing what you are already wearing for whatever you were doing that day.   If you're coming from an office, you might be  dressed up.  If you're cleaning, cooking, running errands, you show up looking more casual.

 

I'm a huge fan of Lands End sport knit pants, the heavier weight ones, that easily look like "slacks" but are much more comfortable.

I will certainly check out Lands End

[Maharincess]

I guess I'm weird because I couldn't care less about what somebody wants to wear. Want to wear boxer shorts and a tank top to go out and shop? Why would that bother me? It doesn't negatively affect my life in any way so why would I care what somebody wants to wear? I would never ever judge somebody over their clothing choices.

I honestly don't understand why other people's clothing choices would bother anybody.

Like I said, maybe I'm just weird.

[Maharincess]

But why not? What are you wearing instead? Presumably pants, so what's the difference between putting on a pair of jeans and putting on a pair of wool trousers or cotton slacks? You're wearing shoes anyway. Do they have to be sneakers? Can't they be a simple loafer or ballet flat or even a 1" wedge heel? You're not getting down on the ground to play with the children or running the three-legged race.

But why? Why should a person wear a "1" wedge heel" to go to a PTA meeting when jeans and sneakers are just fine?

I seriously don't understand this way of thinking. In the past, I've worn shorts and a T-shirt to parent/teacher conferences, nobody cared and it didn't affect my children or their education because I wore shorts instead of slacks and a 1" wedge heel.

I just don't get it.

[bosawks]

I guess I'm weird because I couldn't care less about what somebody wants to wear. Want to wear boxer shorts and a tank top to go out and shop? Why would that bother me? It doesn't negatively affect my life in any way so why would I care what somebody wants to wear? I would never ever judge somebody over their clothing choices.

I honestly don't understand why other people's clothing choices would bother anybody.

Like I said, maybe I'm just weird.

I generally don't care what you're wearing.

Unless I'm sitting next to you on a plane. Then I care. A lot. Then I care a whole lot.

[zxy556575]

I guess I'm weird because I couldn't care less about what somebody wants to wear. Want to wear boxer shorts and a tank top to go out and shop? Why would that bother me? It doesn't negatively affect my life in any way so why would I care what somebody wants to wear? I would never ever judge somebody over their clothing choices.

 

I don't really care, per se, but I do make subconscious judgements. Isn't that true of most of us? Clothing and appearance are class, status, and social indicators. If I'm on the subway and look up from my book, I might think something along the lines of: what a slob; or hipster doofus; or nice coat; or oooh, faaancy; or that's sure a lot of makeup for daytime; or free balling much, etc.

 

Poor women again get the brunt of it -- "letting themselves go,' and so on. Oprah had repeated shows about clothing and the dreaded sweatpants. Dress sharp, feel sharp!

Edited April 7, 2016 by lordonia

[Maharincess]

I generally don't care what you're wearing.

Unless I'm sitting next to you on a plane. Then I care. A lot. Then I care a whole lot.

Unless they stank I wouldn't care what they were wearing.

Don't like what I'm wearing? Don't look at me. Problem solved. I just don't understand judging somebody on their clothing. If I dress up, it doesn't make me a better person, I'm still the same me, I'm just uncomfortable now. I never look at a woman who is all dressed up and think "wow, look at those clothes, she must be a great woman". No, I just think she looks uncomfortable. I don't think anybody should give a flying fuck what anybody else thinks of them. If you aren't somebody I care about, I don't care what you think of me. Not one bit.

When I say you, I mean the general you, not any particular person.

Edited April 7, 2016 by Maharincess

[Petunia13]

I think for some people it shows effort and respect. Also it subconsciously shows a sense of pride and personality. Many also assume a person is a slob or philistine based on cheap, ratty, or lazy attire.

My clothes and makeup and shows drive my mom crazy. The area i live is very image conscious and a person wearing sweats in public or pajamas would be thought by some people a drug addict or mentally ill or homeless.

Edited April 7, 2016 by Petunia13

[bilgistic]

I guess I shouldn't move to wherever you live! I manage mascara all of about twice a week, and it's stretchy pants all weekend. Of course, I am mentally ill, so there's your reason.

[Maharincess]

I'm glad I don't live where you live.

Whatever happened to live and let live? People just need to mind their own business and tend to their own lives and get the hell out of everybody else's.

Bilgistic, I will proudly put on my comfy, stretchy yoga pants and concert T-shirt and go anywhere with you. We can gross everybody out with our imperfect clothes and makeup.

You do wear makeup much more often than I do though, you might have to judge me for that.

Edited April 7, 2016 by Maharincess

[auntlada]

I love this conversation, because I feel both shamed and vindicated for dressing for comfort pretty much all the time!  :)

 

One thing I do not do, however, is wear pants to the Sunday morning worship service. Growing up, it was considered disrespectful to not look your best -- you didn't need to wear designer clothes or spend a lot of money, and my mom actually sewed a lot of my church clothes. As I got older, I'd wear pants or even jeans (but never shorts) to the Sunday night or Wednesday service. If I had an event that didn't involve going into the sanctuary, I might wear shorts if it was appropriate, like a Vacation Bible School meeting. now, it's not uncommon to see pants, jeans, shorts, flip flops, and very short skirts, even on Sunday mornings -- even staff members have gotten lax about their dress. The rationale is that visitors should feel comfortable no matter their attire, which I agree with, but I miss the good old days of dressing up for church.

I wear pants on the Sundays I volunteer in the nursery and when it is freezing outside (actually below 32 degrees Fahrenheit with the possibility of slippery sidewalks). I don't mind if other women wear pants. I just find it hard to do myself because of how I was raised. What I do mind on Sunday mornings are the youth who wear jeans with holes all over them, even if the holes aren't in indecent places. Again, it goes back to how I was raised. You wear your best to church. It might be jeans or a dress or whatever. It might even be jeans with holes, but I know it isn't for the kids I see because I know their parents and where they work and live.

My mother would never have let me do that. She put up a fuss anytime I wanted to wear holey jeans anywhere. And she would never buy me jeans that were preripped or faded, which was the style when I was in high school in the 80s.

Still I'm not wearing slacks and heels to go out pretty much anywhere. I only wear heels with skirts for church or dressy occasions. I wear jeans and tennis shoes or cowboy boots for nonwork occasions because I like them. I wear cotton pants for work (chino-like pants) with oxfords (or the black cowboy boots for the pants that are too long that I will never hem). That brings me to a serious peeve for me. My oxfords are Rockport, and I love them. They are incredibly comfortable and look good. And the company has apparently discontinued them. And no one seems to have the color of brown shoelaces I need. Now I'm going to have to find a new brand that are comfortable, will last and don't cost too much when these wear out.

[bilgistic]

I work in commercial real estate. You should see some of the female brokers. One just quit yesterday, but she made me angry because she was so, so pretty. She always looked PERFECT. Several of them wear what I affectionately call "hooker heels" (platform stilettos)--what I have never worn because I am neither model-like, lithe nor graceful, nor will I ever wear because my foot sprain last summer doomed me to a life of sensible shoes. I look like a slimy, green-skinned, under-the-bridge-dwelling troll next to these women. I am shamed into covering my bad skin and pale eyelashes, but I'm too overwhelmed and stressed out most days to apply said makeup during red lights on the way to work.

I own nothing that must be dry-cleaned.

[backformore]

I used to wear high heels - in my 20's.  I gave them up when I was pregnant.  I once tried to wear heels for an occasion when my son was little.   Picking him up, I leaned back on my heels and almost hurt myself.   My balance was way off, and I realized it just wasn't safe, picking him up when my shoes were throwing off my center of gravity so much.  I put all my heels in a box for "later". 

Only -  after two pregnancies, my feet were a size larger, so "later"  came and went, and I donated my box of high heels to a charity.   Now, my kids are grown, and back issues, ankle issues, and plantar fasciitis means high heeled shoes are just not happening.   I bought a pair with a small heel once, for a wedding.   I put them on to leave, and stopped, said "who am I kidding?"  I wore my best flats, a really cute pair of patent leather Clarks.   The next day I returned the heels to the store.  I am done with heels. 

 

I own a few things that say "dry clean only", but I wash them anyway.   I have a good coat that I have dry cleaned, but not very often, as I rarely wear it. 

 

I do, however, put makeup on when I go anywhere.  I just know, that the one time I leave the house without makeup, I am going to run into someone I haven't seen in forever, someone I'd want to impress.  And I look kind of washed-out and pasty without makeup.  I don't wear a lot.   SOmetimes I use Jergens Natural Glow, which is a tanner, so I don't look quite as pale.  I even out my skin tone, and put a little color on my blond eyelashes, even if I'm just running out to the store.  

[ratgirlagogo]

 

My mom and dad were like this.  Mom used to tell me she was always grateful to hear his snoring, because that meant he was alive and well!

This is how I feel.  I am terrified that I will outlive Mr Rat.  Materially I could work it out but emotionally - we got together relatively late in life and having had a number of relationships previously with men and women both I pretty much know how lucky I was to find someone I could happily spend the last 19 (!) years with.  Every time I wake up next to him I have this little irrational panic until I hear him breathing, or let's get real, snoring.

On the other hand I am such a dangerously sound sleeper (I've slept through more than one major earthquake)  it's not like his snoring disturbs me.  And apparently I'm quite the snorer myself anyway so you know, glass house.

Edited April 7, 2016 by ratgirlagogo

[zxy556575]

My mother would never have let me do that. She put up a fuss anytime I wanted to wear holey jeans anywhere. And she would never buy me jeans that were preripped or faded, which was the style when I was in high school in the 80s.

My oxfords are Rockport, and I love them. They are incredibly comfortable and look good. And the company has apparently discontinued them. And no one seems to have the color of brown shoelaces I need. Now I'm going to have to find a new brand that are comfortable, will last and don't cost too much when these wear out.

 

I still remember the lecture I got as a teenager in the 60s when my mother found out I went to a restaurant at the Mark Hopkins Hotel in San Francisco and didn't wear gloves. Similarly stuck in my head is the sorrowful look my stepmother gave me when I showed up for a family Christmas dinner in jeans. Belated apologies to all!

 

Re discontinued fashion -- when I was working, I wore basic slip-on, rubber-soled "comfort" loafers in black or tan from Penney's that were in stock for years (decades, maybe?). I used to buy them 4 pairs at a time and wore them to work every day with my pantsuits. I was fairly devastated when those were discontinued and I basically slipped one more rung down the fashion ladder by switching to black or tan Crocs. Another peeve is that every department store has suddenly decided the world has moved on from the type of wide-legged shorts I like. I don't want them to fit closely around my thighs, nor do I want capri pants! Seriously, they used to be everywhere and now are nowhere.

 

I currently live in a retirement community in Florida and my social calendar doesn't include any event or eating establishment where shorts and sandals aren't acceptable. (Although some people on our community discussion board have made it known that anything other than closed-toed shoes in restaurants is disgraceful. There's a definite anti-feet segment of the population!)

[magicdog]

There's a definite anti-feet segment of the population!

 

 

Speaking of......

 

I was driving to the bank yesterday and passed a local elementary school.  it was near the time of dismissal so lots of parents were parked on the side of the road waiting for their little darlings to come out.  I noticed one woman sitting in her car with her bare feet hanging out the driver's side window like she was casually lounging!  I'm sorry, but that came off as very tacky to me!  

 

 

Another peeve is that every department store has suddenly decided the world has moved on from the type of wide-legged shorts I like. I don't want them to fit closely around my thighs, nor do I want capri pants! Seriously, they used to be everywhere and now are nowhere.

 

 

I feel your pain.  If I can't find something, I usually find a great seamstress to make it for me.  In one case I had to have one make some age appropriate clothing for my niece when she was little (about age 7 or so).   So many items at the clothing stores were selling kid's clothes that IMO were far too revealing (hip huggers that were too low on the hips, crop tops, etc.).  My family wanted to raise her with a sense of modesty and respect for her body.  

[NutMeg]

I guess I'm weird because I couldn't care less about what somebody wants to wear. Want to wear boxer shorts and a tank top to go out and shop? Why would that bother me? It doesn't negatively affect my life in any way so why would I care what somebody wants to wear? I would never ever judge somebody over their clothing choices.

I honestly don't understand why other people's clothing choices would bother anybody.

Like I said, maybe I'm just weird.

 

 

I generally don't care what you're wearing.

Unless I'm sitting next to you on a plane. Then I care. A lot. Then I care a whole lot.

I couldn't care less what anyone is wearing (says the freelancer who in busy days is still in her pj at 6pm, having worked straight still morning) - unless they smell bad. 

 

That being said, I do realize that in some cases looks make a difference. Two examples:

 

1) I've been upgraded a few times to business class - but never when I was sloppily dressed. Sweatpants are great for a long haul flight, but they don't get me upgraded :)

 

2) There have been a few parent teacher conferences where one teacher was a bit of a jerk and I wanted to play up any advantage I could from the get go. In those cases my former corporate banker outfit, or any other thing that screams I'm not a dumb person when the teacher assumes a work-from-home mom is not to be taken seriously has gained me a few minutes that I could spend discussing what was relevant rather than establishing I was legit when the dad didn't show up. Bonus point whenever I towered over the teacher: I'm not a giant, but some teachers are very tiny :) For me it's just been a shortcut to just get on with it quicker. Not saying it's right, but it works. Same thing at the bank, or in any other place where people behind the counter revel in their power.

 

I'm only talking clothes here. I do wear makeup, but I rarely wear a full face. Sometimes I'll do lips, sometimes eyes, sometimes nothing: I would not like to be only seen for my eyeliner, for instance, because I would look weird to people on the random day when I don't wear it :) [This is probably something I learned at a very, very young age: one of my mom's friends always wore that blue eyeshadow that fascinated me so that I nicknamed her "Eyelids"; then one night, we were staying with her after a long haul flight, she was already in her pj when we got there and to my surprise and intense disappointment she looked like a totally different person without the blue eyeshadow (and probably eyeliner and mascara), very disappointing to me. I'm sure that memory has colored my approach to makeup!]

[DeLurker]

I feel your pain.  If I can't find something, I usually find a great seamstress to make it for me.  In one case I had to have one make some age appropriate clothing for my niece when she was little (about age 7 or so).   So many items at the clothing stores were selling kid's clothes that IMO were far too revealing (hip huggers that were too low on the hips, crop tops, etc.).  My family wanted to raise her with a sense of modesty and respect for her body.  

Girls clothes are consistently pretty awful.  Why they need to make booty shorts in toddler sizes is beyond belief, but someone must actually be buying this stuff.

 

The thing I learned very early (when a friend of my brother's got his girlfriend pregnant when she was 15), is that wearing matching trendy Mommy-daughter outfits when the daughter is little, might be considered cute (in some circles.  Not my circle.)  But when the daughter hit her pre-teens, Dad was suddenly freaking out over how she dressed.  Mom saw no problem with it (cause she was still pretty young and totally immature), the daughter was "WTF? Mom wears this!".  Introducing some concept of modesty at 12+ is way too late.

[Qoass]

I will dress up when the occasion calls for it:  funerals, job interviews and the like.  But I do not own makeup.  I genuinely feel bad for those women who feel they cannot face the public without some chemicals on their face.  I don't mean all women, mind you, but there are some out there and the idea that a workplace can require one gender to use cosmetics strikes me as an incredible violation of personal rights.

 

The folks that really puzzle me are the ones who have clearly gone to a great deal of trouble to present themselves in a particular way that to me, is ridiculous: the ladies with the neon lipstick, the guys with facial hair straight out of a Confederate soldier's portrait...  To me, that just screams, "I really, really need attention no matter what kind!". 

[Demented Daisy]

"What other people think about me is none of my business." -- RuPaul

[auntlada]

the guys with facial hair straight out of a Confederate soldier's portrait

 

My husband keeps threatening to grow his beard that long, but I don't think the beard will actually do it. I think he has a beard in large part because he hates to shave. I understand that, since that's why my legs are pretty hairy right now.

[potatoradio]

 

I've been upgraded a few times to business class - but never when I was sloppily dressed. Sweatpants are great for a long haul flight, but they don't get me upgraded :)

 

Really? Hmmmm. *considers upcoming international flight*. Thanks for the idea!

 

I've had a few makeup consultations in my life and my pet peeve was that I would explain, up front, that wearing tinted Blistex was the extent of my comfort. I was promised, over and over, that they'd do nothing "heavy" and that it would be "natural." An hour later, I would sit there absolutely caked in foundation, concealer, powder, eye goop, mascara (and, hey, let me put on the mascara, k? I don't want you near my eye with a chemical stick). "Don't you just feel so much more you?" No, no I do not. And THANKS to the person who brought me there, trying to convince me that because I'm older than 25 and a woman, I must put something on my face.

 

I was vacationing with a friend of mine in the Grand Canyon and she wouldn't leave make up off even for a hike in the canyon on a summer afternoon. Nope. Full base, eye stuff, lipstick, hairspray. It seriously hurt to even think about. Plus, it made us get a late start. Because you know, the burros really care about extended lashes.

 

Also, I'm not a radical animal lib kind of person, but come on, do we seriously need to keep harming animals to test new formulas of lipstick? Don't we know by now what chemicals are harmful? 

 

Ah, shoes. I like the styles that Stacy from "WNTW" would call "horse hoofs." I like me a solid shoe. Not quite at the five feet thick "nurse shoe" style yet, but I ain't tottering around in heels for anyone, not even Stacy and Clinton. 

[Qoass]

I'm starting to regret that I never watched What Not to Wear.  They wouldn't get me out of my Chuck Taylor All Stars but it sounds like a hoot.

[GHScorpiosRule]

Have things changed this much in five years? That's how long it's been since I worked in a mid-to-large law firm.

To wit:

It's been a month since I started my new job(still temp) and I've seen that pretty much all the other paralegals, legal secretaries, and associates have their ears plugged into their phones while they work. Even my manager. So if I send an email, unless they're using the email themselves, how will they know I've asked something? Clearly they can't hear their phone, because the volume is high. I have to knock really hard to get their attention or tap them lightly on the shoulder because their backs are to me.

This was never the case at the last large firm I worked at. And the work had slowed down drastically when I started, which means that I was getting paid to do nothing for the last three weeks. I did whatever I could to learn the firm's technology, read all the manuals, brush up on my blue book (the attorneys here know what I'm talking about), and reading all the newsletters from ALM, Bloomberg Law, etc. I'm learning all the juicy stuff going on within the larger, well known firms out there.

At the same time, I'm begging the junior paralegals to use me! Use me! I'm willing to do anything.

At least things are picking up this week. One paralegal is going on vacation next week so I hope I can pick up the slack.

We have monthly firm wide meetings=free lunch! And have good finger food, wine, and beer a couple times a month. I've missed that. I use these to get to know the people that are in my group and people who I can use as resources, such as the law librarians, people in records.

It makes me sad that so many of the reporters no longer come in hard copy because...WestlawNext and Lexis.

But I don't think I'll get used to seeing everyone except the partners with earbuds stuck in their ears all day except for when they're telling me what they need or asking me to do something.

Sigh. I feel like I stepped into some alternate universe and am having to learn new behaviors.

But we have a gym I can use!

Edited April 7, 2016 by GHScorpiosRule

[backformore]

I've had a few makeup consultations in my life and my pet peeve was that I would explain, up front, that wearing tinted Blistex was the extent of my comfort. I was promised, over and over, that they'd do nothing "heavy" and that it would be "natural." An hour later, I would sit there absolutely caked in foundation, concealer, powder, eye goop, mascara (and, hey, let me put on the mascara, k? I don't want you near my eye with a chemical stick). "Don't you just feel so much more you?" No, no I do not. And THANKS to the person who brought me there, trying to convince me that because I'm older than 25 and a woman, I must put something on my face.

 

Yes!   I had some time to kill the other day, and I went to a carson's department store.  the woman at the Clarins counter offered a free consultation for "the right foundation for your face", which came with some samples.   OK.  I am very pale, and have a brown "age spot"  on my cheek which bothers me - it's dry, and when I cover it, the makeup flakes off.  If I leave it alone, I'm self-conscious, because, quite honestly, it almost looks like a splashed coffee on myself.  I use a BB cream -  very light coverage, but was looking for something a little more. 

The "consultant"  was close to my age, very nice lady, and she color-matched me with a shade and recommended a medium-to-heavy coverage cream makeup.   She applied it, also used some under-eye concealer, and gave me the samples.   I must say, I was very happy with the result (but didn't make the $60 purchase).  My skin tone was even, all the splotches of brown were gone.   A couple hours later, at home, I looked in the mirror.  I looked OLD.   Well, I am, kind of old, but the heavy makeup had somehow soaked in and showed every line in my face - lines I didn't have when I used lighter makeup!  I Wish I had a photo - it just seemed to settle into all the fine lines, making me look   - well, like an old lady, but  with very even skin tone. I couldn't wash it off fast enough. 

So a choice between splotchy and old -  I guess I'm choosing splotchy.

Edited April 7, 2016 by backformore