Small Talk: The Cabana

[walnutqueen]

I am blessed in so many ways, not the least of which include an ideal microclimate, where a simple space heater and box fan are used on a handful of days any given year.  The older I get, the more appreciative I become for the small simple pleasures in life.   I could neither afford not endure the need for heating or cooling - my thermoregulation has been fucked up since premature menopause!   :-)

[cork dork]

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and good vibes.   It helps.  Sometimes life hands you lemons, and you just want to hurl them at people ;-)

 

To those in Phoenix, how do you do it?   We have been having such a mild, wonderful spring and I was loving it.  Out of the blue, today it heated up to 95 and I raced inside, turned on the AC (with fans in front of the vents for additional cooling).   I'm praying for the fog to come rolling in to get things back to normal.   I do so much better in fall/winter.   LOL My family knows when it comes to heat, I become nocturnal - and only venture out after dark.  

The key to surviving summer is easy - you go from your house to your car to your destination - with all, except the walk in between, having AC. Add in the part about staying hydrated and you're good to go. It's no biggie unless your AC goes out - the heat gets real very fast when that happens.

 

The other months are why people come here. There's an abundance of perfect weather, clear skies, and no snow (most of the time). A few months of heat are totally worth the rest of the year because we don't have to shovel sunshine.

[Wings]

Stories like this, notnowimbusy make me want to fight for Death with Dignity in every state.  Only 3 states have it.  It is criminal to allow someone to linger with cancer and suffer.  

 

http://www.deathwithdignity.org/access-acts

[notnowimbusy]

Stories like this, notnowimbusy make me want to fight for Death with Dignity in every state.  Only 3 states have it.  It is criminal to allow someone to linger with cancer and suffer.  

 

http://www.deathwithdignity.org/access-acts

I completely agree.  The process in those states that allow it, are very strict.   Not knowing what I would do in that situation, but to know there is an option would be nice.    With my SIL it gets tricky.   As bad as she is, and for all that she's gone through, she is in amazing denial!  This has become an issue with family, doctors, well, just about everyone.  She had been on palliative chemo to keep the pain at bay.  She sees chemo as curing her.   When they stopped it, explaining that it wasn't doing anything beneficial, she begged them to start it again.   Her cancer is in her liver, kidney, outer pancreas, brain.   I have been in the room when her dr's have talked with her, her husband and son - telling them it's time for hospice.  She won't hear that word!!!    They have told her she will have to leave the nursing home - so either hospice or go home.  She wants neither.   This denial has taken over her family, and the staff at the nursing home and her dr's are so concerned that none of them are prepared, despite the obvious.   Counselors, clergy, social workers have all tried to discuss the reality of the situation with them, but they won't hear it.   Its hard because it puts a weird pressure on my husband & I - because it's hard to play their game.   I watch my husband so conflicted and in pain because he's losing his only sister, wants to talk to her in a meaningful way, and is forced to have meaningless chats because the moment he goes deeper, she shuts it down.   It's just a very sad situation.      Ooops sorry, didn't mean to go on and on. 

[walnutqueen]

notnowimbusy - you go on and on all you like - that's what we're here for (or, at least, that's what I'm here for, and I've found many friendly ears here).   Denial is awful, and so tricky to navigate.  My bioDad suffered greatly with his cancers (yes, with an "s"); his devoted second wife was a nurse who would, or could not let go.  During his first bout (4/5ths of his stomach removed) he told me he wasn't even living, but couldn't disappoint her by giving in (they were totally in-love sweethearts).  By the end of his second round (lung cancer) he wasted away.  She did everything for him, including allowing him to die with dignity in his own home, in his own bed.  At the end she sat him up to take a sip of his beloved rum & coke, have a drag of a ciggie, then lay him down and he died in her loving embrace.  I always thought that was a pretty damned good way to go (other than dying in your sleep).

 

The kicker?  This lovely lady who had only ever loved my Dad found love again with another totally awesome guy.  Then SHE died of cancer - her entire body was riddled with it.  And her very decent second husband laid her to rest next to my Dad and bought tombstones for them both.  

 

I could not make this shit up.

[Giselle]

notnowinbusy, Post as much as you need to, sometimes it's easier to talk and vent to people outside the family. I'll be keeping you an your family in my prayers and thoughts and hope that everything will work out as peacefully as possible. Remember to take a deep breath and a few moments for yourself often and remind your loved ones to do the same. I'm so sorry.

 

I went through this with my mom and years later my dad. We had it a bit easier because we talked and we all knew the reality of what would be and did happen and we all were willing to honor and accept the choices made. We put everything legally in place to make those decisions easier and made the decisions well known to the extended family.

 

Much love and kind thoughts are sent your way.

[notnowimbusy]

My SIL has always had deep denial issues - bordering on obsessive denial!  Two years ago my MIL suffered a MASSIVE stroke.   She & my husband were co-executors, so ALL decisions had to be jointly made.  Day after the stoke, the dr's showed her MRI's where her brain was 3/4 blown out.  She was on life support.  EVERYONE said take her off.  She was 95!!  SIL refused.  She refused to speak w/dr's, nurses, anybody.  She would only come and visit at night after the dr's were gone, social workers were gone, so she wouldn't have to speak to anybody.   She refused to answer my husbands repeated calls.   Not only was my husband grieving his mother, he had the burden of constant calls from the hospital people that HE needed to speak to her so some decisions could be made.   This went on for two weeks.   They finally were going to release her to a nursing home, and demanded a meeting.   I went over to MIL's house and scoured it for her trust.  Hours later I found it and sure enough there was in place a living will.   (I firmly believe my SIL had found it early on and hidden it).  We gave it to the hospital and when my SIL went to the meeting they showed it to her, and said end of discussion.  SIL was really angry.     MIL was moved to a lovely hospice - and my husband & I spent the day/night with her - never leaving her side.   Next morning she peacefully passed.   We had called my SIL early that morning (she was about 15 from the hospice) telling her to get over there.  She refused to take the call.    She didn't show up until 2 hours after she passed.  

 

So, the denial runs deep, and sadly her fears, her concerns, the final precious moments family want to spend will not take place.  It will be mundane chit-chat, and that's what I find so terribly sad. 

[pawsodoom]

notnowimbusy, how incredibly sad about your SIL. By not being honest with everyone and most importantly, herself, she is causing so much pain and heartache to your family. I wish you peace as you navigate this difficult time.

[ParkCirclegirl]

Wings, please accept my early welcome to Phoenix :) I know you'll like it here, although I'm so SO very sorry you're coming as we head into summer. The upside is the summer storms are amazing and a nice respite from heat that can feel like you're standing in front of an open oven door (if there's a breeze, it's like a blow-dryer set on high). Always look for anything resembling a shady spot in which to park, and again, welcome to the desert.

I went to Sedona (gorgeous) in September...I could feel the heat thru my shoes.  The company I work for has an office in Phoenix and I am still trying to wrangle a reason to have to go there. 

[Wings]

My SIL has always had deep denial issues - bordering on obsessive denial!  Two years ago my MIL suffered a MASSIVE stroke.   She & my husband were co-executors, so ALL decisions had to be jointly made.  Day after the stoke, the dr's showed her MRI's where her brain was 3/4 blown out.  She was on life support.  EVERYONE said take her off.  She was 95!!  SIL refused.  She refused to speak w/dr's, nurses, anybody.  She would only come and visit at night after the dr's were gone, social workers were gone, so she wouldn't have to speak to anybody.   She refused to answer my husbands repeated calls.   Not only was my husband grieving his mother, he had the burden of constant calls from the hospital people that HE needed to speak to her so some decisions could be made.   This went on for two weeks.   They finally were going to release her to a nursing home, and demanded a meeting.   I went over to MIL's house and scoured it for her trust.  Hours later I found it and sure enough there was in place a living will.   (I firmly believe my SIL had found it early on and hidden it).  We gave it to the hospital and when my SIL went to the meeting they showed it to her, and said end of discussion.  SIL was really angry.     MIL was moved to a lovely hospice - and my husband & I spent the day/night with her - never leaving her side.   Next morning she peacefully passed.   We had called my SIL early that morning (she was about 15 from the hospice) telling her to get over there.  She refused to take the call.    She didn't show up until 2 hours after she passed.  

 

So, the denial runs deep, and sadly her fears, her concerns, the final precious moments family want to spend will not take place.  It will be mundane chit-chat, and that's what I find so terribly sad. 

 

 

This is tragic. It seems clear that a misunderstanding, probably guided by religion, must have been the reason to ignore her living will.  It was not because they wanted her to live, it was because they feared what might happen to themselves if they ordered the plug to be pulled.  

[EVS]

My son's good friend passed away suddenly this week. He was only 16. We didn't find out until after his death that 4 years earlier he had been diagnosed with a genetic disease with a short lifespan. He didn't want anyone to know (unless it was necessary) because he didn't want his friends to worry or treat him differently. Instead, he lived his life to the fullest, doing all the things he loved, always positive, always smiling, always kind and friendly to everyone he met, even though I am sure he often struggled privately. Needless to say, he had many, many friends who are missing him terribly. We are all devastated, especially of course my son.

Notnowimbusy, I'm sorry for everything that you are going through, both personally and with your family.

[notnowimbusy]

Just wanted to pop by say Hi and give an update.  My SIL died early this morning.  It's been such a long struggle, filled with chaos, that it doesn't come as a shock, but more of a relief that her pain is over, and we don't have to live under the cloud of "waiting for the phone call".   Thank you all for letting me vent all the frustrations that have come with this, I truly appreciate all the kind words.

[walnutqueen]

notnowimbusy - I am so sorry for your and your husband's loss.  My condolences to you both.  But I am thankful that the long ordeal is finally over.  I hope everyone finds some peace.

[notnowimbusy]

And the day just keeps getting worse.   We went to talk to cousins, to let them know.  When we arrived they looked so sad, so we assumed they had heard.  No, that wasn't the case.   My husband's Aunt, who was a fabulous women, had also died last night.   The very strange thing, and a little unnerving is the fact that the Aunt was named Catherine, and my SIL was named after her.  The Aunt was my SIL's godmother.   They died within 15 minutes of each other. 

 

I spoke to the Aunt last week when she called to check on my SIL.  Although quite elderly, she was sharp, had a very keen wit, and today I look upon that call as a gift.   She made me laugh, smile, and was the one among this big Italian family that always seemed to understand the intricate nature of marrying in to such a family. 

 

When I heard the news, I didn't pull a Vickie, but my heart was crushed.   I'd like to think the two are on an adventure together.   Ok, time to dust off the Spanx, and find the lint roller for the black dress. 

[harrie]

notnonwimbusy, I'm very sorry for your family's losses.  This stuff is never easy; but I love your thought that the two Catherines are enjoying an afterlife adventure together.   Hugs to you and yours.   

[walnutqueen]

Sending good thoughts to you and your family, notnowimbusy. 

[AnnaMayWong]

notnowimbusy,I'm truly sorry for your loss. My condolences to you, your husband, and family

[Rhetorica]

notnowimbusy, I'm so sorry. I like the visual from you with the two sharing adventures beyond our comprehension. Love and peace being sent your way.

[imjagain]

Just wanted to pop by say Hi and give an update. My SIL died early this morning. It's been such a long struggle, filled with chaos, that it doesn't come as a shock, but more of a relief that her pain is over, and we don't have to live under the cloud of "waiting for the phone call". Thank you all for letting me vent all the frustrations that have come with this, I truly appreciate all the kind words.

((hugs)) for you and your family.

[pawsodoom]

notnowimbusy, I am so sorry about the losses of your family members.

[Wings]

I am finally here in Phoenix!  With a bulging disc (had epidural this morning), extreme pain but I am here!  My furniture arrives Aug 4th.  Then the unpacking, which will me more satisfying than packing, I think.  

[savannah1985]

Today is my birthday. I am now 30 years old. I honestly never thought I'd get this old. With alcoholic, drug addicted parents, the odds weren't good. So I'm going to pretend I've received an academy award and say thank you to those responsible for me making it. My mother's family, in particular my aunt Kathy, who I've mentioned before, and my 10 year old son. Kathy helped to instill a moral outlook that has seen me through some rough times and Brian...thank God for Brian, because I had to get myself together for him. I'm just praying that my next ten years is as positive as the last ten.

[Giselle]

If it helps, I loved my thirties, raising my three sons during that time. I was 25 when I had my first, then 28, then 31. Hope you and your son had a good birthday today. If it helps to keep positive, remember that as much fun as he is now, it keeps on getting better the older he gets.

 

I had my birthday Saturday. I hate anything to revolve around me but they all decided I had to go out to eat and they brought a cake. The highlight, hearing my 20 month old granddaughter say Hahbebur...day. She had climbed up on my lap and started eating the sprinkles. It was the first time she said it so it was a little moment for me.

 

Glad you had your Aunt Kathy. I don't know if you read her posts here, but one of the last ones she posted, mentioned your son and how much she loved him. I hope your memory of her and her love for you both will still help you keep on staying positive. 

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!

Today is my birthday. I am now 30 years old. I honestly never thought I'd get this old. With alcoholic, drug addicted parents, the odds weren't good. So I'm going to pretend I've received an academy award and say thank you to those responsible for me making it. My mother's family, in particular my aunt Kathy, who I've mentioned before, and my 10 year old son. Kathy helped to instill a moral outlook that has seen me through some rough times and Brian...thank God for Brian, because I had to get myself together for him. I'm just praying that my next ten years is as positive as the last ten.

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

[talula]

Stewedsquash & Savannah1985

[talula]

Wings707...

[AnnaMayWong]

♡♡ HAPPY BIRTHDAY ♡♡

savannah1985 stewedsquash

[walnutqueen]

Happy belated birthday wishes to stewedsquash and savannah1985.  Feel better soon, wings707.

[Wings]

Happy Birthday stewed and savanah! 

[walnutqueen]

wings, is it a new back problem or something from the move?

 

and wings, is it a back or a neck epidural?  'Cause I've had a few (mostly useless) neck epidurals in my day, and they were extremely entertaining, in a weird sort of way ...

 

Whether it's back or neck, unpacking boxes and moving into a new place are NOT conducive to your recovery - just sayin'.  ;-)

[Giselle]

I am finally here in Phoenix!  With a bulging disc (had epidural this morning), extreme pain but I am here!  My furniture arrives Aug 4th.  Then the unpacking, which will me more satisfying than packing, I think.  

 

Feel better soon Sugar!

[walnutqueen]

Feel better soon Sugar!

 

OOPS - and that, too, of course, wingy!!!  :-)

[Wings]

It is a new broblem and happened in the middle of it all. A bulging disc between 4 and 5 leaning on my sciatic nerve causing pain down my right leg.  The epidural is helping; I hope it continues.  The pain is not gone but I can walk upright and not break down in tears every hour or so. 

[walnutqueen]

It is a new broblem and happened in the middle of it all. A bulging disc between 4 and 5 leaning on my sciatic nerve causing pain down my right leg.  The epidural is helping; I hope it continues.  The pain is not gone but I can walk upright and not break down in tears every hour or so. 

 

 

I had a similar deal with herniated 5 & 6 discs (??? - I think) making my right arm go totally numb whenever I moved it, combined with some shoulder impingement thingy that nobody could diagnose properly for years.  Combined with the bilateral elbow, wrist & arm damage, I was a walking conundrum.  Good news?  Bulging herniated discs in your neck eventually subside all on their own - IF you commit wholeheartedly to a regimen of non-movement (aka - recliner potato status) for a few years.   Then it just grinds a little and makes you pass out if you look up!!!   ;-)

 

P.S. - don't do what I did!!!

Edited July 30, 2015 by walnutqueen

[savannah1985]

It's 4:40am and I've been watching "Jesus Christ Superstar", a pretty new version with Tim Minchin in it and I am so blown away that I had to come here (because I know that nobody in my own life has seen it) and ask if anyone is familiar with this version. It is so amazingly great that I've watched three times in the last 6 hours.(yeah, I need a life) Has anyone here seen it?

[Rhetorica]

It's 4:40am and I've been watching "Jesus Christ Superstar", a pretty new version with Tim Minchin in it and I am so blown away that I had to come here (because I know that nobody in my own life has seen it) and ask if anyone is familiar with this version. It is so amazingly great that I've watched three times in the last 6 hours.(yeah, I need a life) Has anyone here seen it?

I haven't seen that version but I've seen the original movie and play. The last time in Chigcgo c. 90s. Ted Neeley as JC, Carl Anderson as Judas, Irene Cara as Mary Magdalene, and Dennis DeYoung of Styx as Pontius Pilate! My favorite song is "Can We Start Again, Please?" It's usually only done on stage. Was that in this movie?

[savannah1985]

Yes, it's the whole play, done on stage, kind of as a modern version, it's hard to describe. I love the original movie, never saw it live because it's older than I am and I haven't seen any revivals. Tim Minchin plays Judas and he's amazing. The whole show is amazing, I think it was made in Australia. If you ever get a chance to see it, do. I found it on Amazon, bought it for my Kindle, and watch with headphones because the music is, as I said, amazing.

...and "Could We Start Again, Please?" is lovely. Mary Magdalene is played by "Sporty" Spice and she's really good. But Tim Minchin is the star. He's really funny..check him out on YouTube.

Edited August 3, 2015 by savannah1985

[talula]

Yes, it's the whole play, done on stage, kind of as a modern version, it's hard to describe. I love the original movie, never saw it live because it's older than I am and I haven't seen any revivals. Tim Minchin plays Judas and he's amazing. The whole show is amazing, I think it was made in Australia. If you ever get a chance to see it, do. I found it on Amazon, bought it for my Kindle, and watch with headphones because the music is, as I said, amazing.

...and "Could We Start Again, Please?" is lovely. Mary Magdalene is played by "Sporty" Spice and she's really good. But Tim Minchin is the star. He's really funny..check him out on YouTube.

Love this also:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8azdnR2fQus

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GyM07AFqf-M

Edited August 3, 2015 by talula

[savannah1985]

Those are clips from the show! Have you seen it? Did you love it?

[talula]

No, I saw a movie many years ago. This is another one.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=s6dOiQ4MtlQ

[savannah1985]

Well, the show I'm talking about was done just last year, I think. It's so different. So creative. I love live theater and I would go see this production in a second if it were possible.

[HunterHunted]

Does anyone watch the Hotwives of Las Vegas? Lisa Rinna had a brief role as a drunken hotwife who died at the end of "last season." There is also a Yolanda parody hotwife who is married to an acclaimed bubble artist.

[Wings]

There is a thread on here somewhere that we discuss movies we have loved/liked but I cannot find it.  The search feature has to have exact words.  Anyone know where that is? 

[thewhiteowl]

There is a thread on here somewhere that we discuss movies we have loved/liked but I cannot find it.  The search feature has to have exact words.  Anyone know where that is? 

 

 Maybe here?

 

Forums 

    Off-Topic

    Movies

    The Untitled Movie Talk Project

 

 

 Or did you mean TV movies?

[Wings]

wings, Is your crick in your neck or back better? Are you settled in your new state?

 

 

I am sort of settled; it takes awhile.  I got a second epidural when I arrived here.  I needed a wheel chair in the airport to get to and from the airplane.  The second one was more extensive and worked!  I am not pain free.  

[walnutqueen]

Anybody got a Xanax they could get to me before 3 this afternoon?  Because I somehow have to get it together enough to bear witness to yet another cat death, and I am about done with all this unbearable loss shit year after year.  This time it's the stray I've been pampering back to "health" and taming for almost 2 years - turns out he's much sicker than I ever imagined, and euthanasia is the only viable option.  I truly believed I could get him neutered, tested & have a couple of his teeth yanked ... MAYBE even give him a nice little indoor life.  Instead, I'm losing my Li'l Ole Man with Jackson Avery Eyes, and I am totally gutted, again.  GODDAMMIT - this is 100% pain, yet again.  Move on over, Kimmie - I've just usurped your pity card!

 

Thanks for letting me vent. y'all - I feel much stronger now.

[NewDigs]

Awww... Walnut. So sorry. The pain is so difficult and undeniable. Such big hugs heading your way.

Critters.

[walnutqueen]

Awww... Walnut. So sorry. The pain is so difficult and undeniable. Such big hugs heading your way.

Critters.

 

Say no more.  Critters says it all, NewDigs.  And thanks.

[Rhetorica]

So sorry, Walnut. Just know he'll come running to great you when your time comes. All our critters will.

[talula]

Anybody got a Xanax they could get to me before 3 this afternoon?  Because I somehow have to get it together enough to bear witness to yet another cat death, and I am about done with all this unbearable loss shit year after year.  This time it's the stray I've been pampering back to "health" and taming for almost 2 years - turns out he's much sicker than I ever imagined, and euthanasia is the only viable option.  I truly believed I could get him neutered, tested & have a couple of his teeth yanked ... MAYBE even give him a nice little indoor life.  Instead, I'm losing my Li'l Ole Man with Jackson Avery Eyes, and I am totally gutted, again.  GODDAMMIT - this is 100% pain, yet again.  Move on over, Kimmie - I've just usurped your pity card!

 

Thanks for letting me vent. y'all - I feel much stronger now.

[walnutqueen]

 

 talula - much as I abhor all things cutesy; somehow, when it comes from you, this feels SO right.  Hand to heart, I thank you.  I may not believe in much, but animal "prayers" are always welcome and appreciated.  And you are so very kind. I wish I had the words to express my gratitude, but I am at a total loss right now ...