S03.E02: All Fired Up

[OnceSane]

On the eve of her largest restaurant opening yet, Lisa must dole out harsh punishments to the SUR staff for their appalling behavior at Scheana's birthday party. Jax tries to do the right thing by choosing between his two girlfriends, but finds honesty has its downfalls. Stassi coaches Tom Schwartz on how to charm Lisa into giving him a fair shot at his new job at PUMP.

[turbogirlnyc]

 

On the eve of her largest restaurant opening yet, Lisa must dole out harsh punishments to the SUR staff for their appalling behavior at Scheana's birthday party. Jax tries to do the right thing by choosing between his two girlfriends, but finds honesty has its downfalls. Stassi coaches Tom Schwartz on how to charm Lisa into giving him a fair shot at his new job at PUMP.

 

 

Harsh? Lol. Somehow I doubt that.

[Lablover27]

Lisa slammed down her bloody tea cup?

[fliptopbox]

I'm pretty sure Tom Schwartz is capable of being quite charming without Stassi's help. In fact, he seems like one hell of a likable guy. But it's his taste in women and friends that concerns me.

[Jennifersdc]

I generally hate when the weekend ends, but then I remember I have VP Rules to look forward to on Monday nights again. Yay Monday!

But I have a wish list. Scheana should sing at least once a episode, FI Tom has to at least twice obsessively use the FI, and the word "banged" (or any derivative) should be said at least four times.

The penultimate would be If the Busboy bangs Jax during the season (maybe the finale?).

[psychoticstate]

Harsh punishment at SUR = no camera time.

 

FI Tom has to at least twice obsessively use the FI, and the word "banged" (or any derivative) should be said at least four times.

 

 

God almighty, I floved it to the ninth degree last season when Flat Iron would run off in a huff to flat iron his hair and/or talked about Kristen and Jax "banging."   I would ask what's wrong with me but I know I'm with my people here.

 

The penultimate would be If the Busboy bangs Jax during the season (maybe the finale?).

 

 

Only if they had some girly fight in a parking lot in Vegas first that culminated with them each ripping off their shirts (or Chunky Sweaters) because everyone knows the only proper way to fight is to rip off your clothing.

 

I have had the shittiest day and just the thought of VP being on tonight makes everything right in my world.

[sorrynotsorry]

You guys are so funny here it makes watching these skanks bearable. I wish they would all go back to wearing eyeglasses as a fashion statement.

[Jennifersdc]

My prayers have been answered! Thank you baby Jesus!

Scheana has a new song. Long story about no TiVo for 4 mos, so wanted to make sure that VP started at 9 and not 8 (so I wouldn't miss a golden moment) and this little jewel popped up.

Don't know how to link (just figured out quotes), but In Touch has an article and audio link to Scheana's new song - Shake That. Oh yes Scheana for all our sakes - please shake that. Now I want to see the outfit (pretty please don't disappoint).

[Jennifersdc]

Ouch - cat fight between FI Tom and the Busboy. In all honesty FI Tom slapped first.

[Shelby]

Still unclear if Tom and Ariana are living in Tom's old place, but wherever they're living, it's messier and dumpier and more trashy looking than how Tom and Kristen lived.

His messed up face matched his messed up apartment.

I'm surprised Ariana would live like that.

[fliptopbox]

FI Tom can apply concealer better than I can. That saddens me. It also looks like he and Arianna are living in the same sad apartment he had with Kristen....maybe it's just a different one in the same complex? They tend to be kind of cookie cutter. It does suck for Scheana to get glass embedded in her foot for her birthday. Hopefully it doesn't put a damper on her future performance of whatever new song she's peddling this season! Anyway, even though FI Tom did slap first, Busboy totally deserved it.

[Jennifersdc]

I don't think FI Tom had access to his FI when he made his late night/early am "apology" to Scheana for "ruining" her BDay Party (like she ain't used to it). I'm now actually concerned that Kristen has possession of the FI and he can't figure out how to procure another.

[ScoobieDoobs]

Er, was Ariana encouraging FI Tom to wear makeup? Hmmmmmm.

[ExplainItAgain]

Jennifersdc, I'm sad that Tom seems to have given up on the flat iron. Too many hats. I think he's depressed.

[ScoobieDoobs]

WTF? What was Ape-face tawkin' bout with his "breakup" with Carmen? She seemed to know full well he's a loser & wanted to get away from him, or am I missing something?

Maybe FI Tom is just taking a break from his flat iron. It does cause a lot of breakage & damage when over-used. Maybe dat's why he's wearin' dat dopey hat -- cuz his hair is breaking off in clumps.

Wow, so Lisa fired Muppet James! Hmmm, so will Kristen dump him quick?

Edited November 11, 2014 by ScoobieDoobs

[Jennifersdc]

Wow the Busboy appears to have kicked the shit out of FI Tom. I really hope his depression over the FI (hence the above a mentioned hats) hasn't effected his motor coordination.

[ExplainItAgain]

Jax is so, so dumb. You can just see the wheels turning in his brain 5 seconds behind everyone else. He looked so much better in the flashback break-up with Stassi. Two additional years of drinking, sun, and probably drugs/smoking has taken its toll.

 

I don't like that Kristina girl. And I do not want to hear about Stassi's sex. Ew.

 

Peter is such a snitch.

[Ubiquitous]

FI Tom's teary sobbing video confessional to what's-her-name made me laugh and laugh! Gawd, what a pussy!

 

Is THAT what that black scribble on Jax's bicep was? I thought it was something from a spirograph!

 

While watching this ep, I suddenly remembered this very same thing happened last season (and/or the first) and once again I have to ask "What fuckin' business is it of Lisa Vanderbuck' what her worthless employees does on their own time away from SUR?".

Speaking of being unprofessional, way to handle those job interviews for PUMP, Lisa!

[ScoobieDoobs]

Peter is the type I wouldn't trust for a second. He's Lisa's spy. Just another dickwad in a sea of 'em.

Yay Carmen. Now that girl may be young, but she knows the score. She knew exactly the deal with Ape-face. Just hope she hasn't caught anything -- er, long-term from dat greaseball.

Yeah, that question bout Stassi's sex life came completely out of left field. Felt very fake & forced & TMI. Are we finally gonna see Stass's douchebag bf or what?

Hey, Lisa have you taken lessons from Ramona on how to interview people?

[heebiejeebie]

 

Jax is so, so dumb. You can just see the wheels turning in his brain 5 seconds behind everyone else. He looked so much better in the flashback break-up with Stassi. Two additional years of drinking, sun, and probably drugs/smoking has taken its toll.

 

 

You're forgetting whatever non-FDA approved protein supplement he is guzzling whenever he can drag his ass to the gym.  He is fitter than the average American but for a "model" it is a race between Grandpa's belly and balls in a sag-off.  Might be he can't afford a gym membership and every hotel in five mile radius has his picture at the front desk warning off giving him access to the fitness room which is why we see him "working out" in his mock up of a freshmen dorm room.

 

Weepy Tom always had a high hair line so I'm wondering if ironing had to give way to hiding the recession until a new season could afford him some plugs.  These people seem incredibly broken.  I guess when pandered out by the trashy likes of Lisa Vanderpimp and all her gaudy crass shittiness you have to be the bottom of the social barrel.  Even as she binds them in yet another round of servitude as bad service staff in exchange for the idea that they now are "stars" none of them, even dish faced Stassi have gained an ounce of self awareness as to their real position in life.  They are food service staff playing food service staff on tv.  For a floppy flouncy wrinkles filled with a foot of spackle reality show entrepreneur who thinks Alexis Carrington is still aspirational. 

[SFoster21]

That was pretty good stuff, heebie, But I think you underestimate Lisa.

[Ubiquitous]

Has Schemer been taking acting lessons? If she has, she needs to demand her money back because I did not believe for a second she cut her foot open on glass (or something),

[farmgal4]

Peter is the type I wouldn't trust for a second. He's Lisa's spy. Just another dickwad in a sea of 'em.

Yay Carmen. Now that girl may be young, but she knows the score. She knew exactly the deal with Ape-face. Just hope she hasn't caught anything -- er, long-term from dat greaseball.

Yeah, that question bout Stassi's sex life came completely out of left field. Felt very fake & forced & TMI. Are we finally gonna see Stass's douchebag bf or what?

Hey, Lisa have you taken lessons from Ramona on how to interview people?

I must have been in the restroom, what did Stassi say about her sex life? Do none of these women that Jax hooks up with watch TV? It seems like this show would ruin Jax's chance of ever dating anyone. Surely he did not tattoo Carmen's name on his arm. Surely that was a temp tattoo.

[ExplainItAgain]

I must have been in the restroom, what did Stassi say about her sex life?

 I really can't relive that one -- I'm about to head to bed and don't need nightmares. Someone else please chime in ;)

[Ubiquitous]

I must have nodded off at that part b/c I have no recollection of it, either.

[fliptopbox]

I remember seeing it, but I think I blacked out for a minute when Stassi opened her mouth. My brain felt like it had to save me.

[njbchlover]

Okay - I'll admit that I only watched this show last season sporadically, as I really could not stand it and I think that will be the same for this season, but I have a question for those of you who watch regularly.

Is that guy James (the deejay/busboy) really dating Kristen?  I got a very gay vibe from him.  And, so, Lisa fired him from SUR - will that be so that he can beg for a job at PUMP a few episodes from now?

I think the reason I can't handle this show is the way all the girls have that same tone to their voices and their inflections make me cringe - especially Schaena....talk about nails on a chalkboard!!!  I feel sorry for her husband to be!

[Jennifersdc]

That was pretty good stuff, heebie, But I think you underestimate Lisa.

Touché. I also concur that was good stuff. Please come back often!

I think I also missed the nugget about Stassi's sex life too (laundry incidents with Mr. DC - who then apologized for interrupting VP Rules). I guess it's not as important as her birthday.

Edited November 11, 2014 by Jennifersdc

[eringogreen]

There were quite a few things that stood out tonight and made me laugh, and I can't remember them all now.

 

On the top of the list was:

- Jax confused by the blonde girl not taking the "break up" well and saying, "shoot the messenger, I guess." (the messenger of...the message that YOU sent?)

- Katie chasing Lisa down the street to set her future in motion (because getting a job a Pump means that her boyfriend will be financially stable enough to marry her)

- I was disappointed that the crying Tom video was revealed so early into the season and that it was only to Scheana, but then Scheana's confessional made it worth it ("There are two ways to get me to accept an apology: Give me a bottle of champagne, or send me a 4 minute video where you look like a -----.")

[Chrissytd]

No shade, but how old is Jax's girlfriend #2?

[Jennifersdc]

Okay - I'll admit that I only watched this show last season sporadically, as I really could not stand it and I think that will be the same for this season, but I have a question for those of you who watch regularly.

Is that guy James (the deejay/busboy) really dating Kristen?  I got a very gay vibe from him.  And, so, Lisa fired him from SUR - will that be so that he can beg for a job at PUMP a few episodes from now?

I think the reason I can't handle this show is the way all the girls have that same tone to their voices and their inflections make me cringe - especially Schaena....talk about nails on a chalkboard!!!  I feel sorry for her husband to be!

We really don't care who's banging who (maybe) as long as somebody is, and there are STD's, mink eyelashes and flat irons (plus busboys!) involved. Though it maybe an acquired taste.

IMO it's the most snarkalicious show ever. I love you Andy Cohen! You too Lisa Vanderpump!

[farmgal4]

Okay - I'll admit that I only watched this show last season sporadically, as I really could not stand it and I think that will be the same for this season, but I have a question for those of you who watch regularly.

Is that guy James (the deejay/busboy) really dating Kristen?  I got a very gay vibe from him.  And, so, Lisa fired him from SUR - will that be so that he can beg for a job at PUMP a few episodes from now?

I think the reason I can't handle this show is the way all the girls have that same tone to their voices and their inflections make me cringe - especially Schaena....talk about nails on a chalkboard!!!  I feel sorry for her husband to be!

To answer your questions: Yes and More than likely. :-)

No shade, but how old is Jax's girlfriend #2?

I haven't heard anyone say, but I'm thinking that she's gotta be in her 40's, maybe even 50's. Hell, I can't judge people's age anymore, what with Botox, fillers, etc.

[BogoGog24]

They showed the bit about Stassi talking about her sex life as one of those "in between" little clips that aren't good enough to be in the actual episode and they show them in between commercials.

 

Scheana posted a picture of her cut on Twitter today: http://instagram.com/p/vPLZr2mI2D/ Not for the easily queasy. 

 

Almost as nasty as her cut is her new song. Just previewed it on iTunes. It's somehow more terrible than the others. And she copied Britney Spears's Britney Jean album cover- on purpose.

 

I wish Lisa would fire all of them and just make a show about how she runs her businesses. I would find that way more interesting than these 30 year old teenagers and their screwed up relationships. 

Edited November 11, 2014 by BogoGog24

[farmgal4]

Has Schemer been taking acting lessons? If she has, she needs to demand her money back because I did not believe for a second she cut her foot open on glass (or something),

Remember last season when she was constantly getting injured in one way or another? Either this chick is majorly accident prone, or it's a storyline that's starting to get old and boring.

[ScoobieDoobs]

Well, I was gonna say Ape-face's older girlfriend was maybe around the same age as him. But would that be his fake age on the show of 35 or his real age of 45 to 50 or who knows? That woman did not look young.

[fliptopbox]

I'm a bit confused about Stassi's role this season. She doesn't work at SUR. She doesn't really talk to any of the main players from SUR. Except Katie, but only sometimes it seems. And we all know Katie is kind of meh anyway, except for the fact she dates Schwartz. Stassi's boyfriend doesn't work at SUR. She's on the outs with Lisa. She's done using Jax to get at Kristen. So why is she here? If all she's going to do is go drinking with Kristina and Peter I could totally do without it. I also couldn't care less if I tried about her apartment hunting.

[ScoobieDoobs]

Call me nuts, but I kinda dig the intro music. Anyone know if this is from a known group? Oh Idk, maybe I actually hate it, but I know when that shit plays I'm gonna have some chuckles.

Yeah, me thinks Schemer's injuries are just part of da fun. Just sit back & let her entertain ya with her nonsense.

Edited November 11, 2014 by ScoobieDoobs

[BogoGog24]

Yes last season I remember her getting injured several times- something about her eye, getting her teeth knocked out, and then something happened to her ankle/leg. And now this. 

[ScoobieDoobs]

I can totally see why Eds went for huh. He clearly likes crazy ass broads. And dat be Schemer.

[Jennifersdc]

Remember last season when she was constantly getting injured in one way or another? Either this chick is majorly accident prone, or it's a storyline that's starting to get old and boring.

Remember last season when she was constantly getting injured in one way or another? Either this chick is majorly accident prone, or it's a storyline that's starting to get old and boring.

I've been so preoccupied with her singing, I forgot all about that. Good call! Flashback to Scheana "spraining" her ankle and thinking it was appropriate to be a hostess with her leg propped up on a chair at the hostess stand. Now I remember the teeth and the eye. Good times.

Call me nuts, but I kinda dig the intro music. Anyone know if this is from a known group? Oh Idk, maybe I actually hate it, but I know when that shit plays I'm gonna have some chuckles.

Yeah, me thinks Schemer's injuries are just part of da fun. Just sit back & let her entertain ya with her nonsense.

It's all about the chuckles. I still am after tonight's episode.

[heebiejeebie]

I'm a bit confused about Stassi's role this season. She doesn't work at SUR. She doesn't really talk to any of the main players from SUR. Except Katie, but only sometimes it seems. And we all know Katie is kind of meh anyway, except for the fact she dates Schwartz. Stassi's boyfriend doesn't work at SUR. She's on the outs with Lisa. She's done using Jax to get at Kristen. So why is she here? If all she's going to do is go drinking with Kristina and Peter I could totally do without it. I also couldn't care less if I tried about her apartment hunting.

 

My guess is she is there to be Lisa's offical shit stirrer so Lisa can slur and lisp her outrage, outrage I tell you, that the monkeys Lisa Vanderpump fed fresh fruit and strong coffee  now have so much shit to throw.  Plus Stassi can provide more excuses so Lisa's Leno jawed daughter can make some appearance that pretend the apron strings (or in Vanderpimp's case the Miss Kitty Dodge City Madam's gown flounces) aren't there.  I wonder if the balding son-in-law will also show up more than once since Lisa couldn't sell the wine business as a show with her offspring and trophy husband as leads.  After herself of course.

 

Is Tom Schwartz taking enemas?  He looked almost yellow in his wan-ness.  I think it is funny that despite his success as a model it is a part time waitering gig that Katie claims will give him the financial leg up to strong moneyed independence.   Yeah three early dinner shifts and he will be a regular Koch brother.

[ScoobieDoobs]

You're forgetting whatever non-FDA approved protein supplement he is guzzling whenever he can drag his ass to the gym.  He is fitter than the average American but for a "model" it is a race between Grandpa's belly and balls in a sag-off.  Might be he can't afford a gym membership and every hotel in five mile radius has his picture at the front desk warning off giving him access to the fitness room which is why we see him "working out" in his mock up of a freshmen dorm room.

 

Yeah, I think you're onto somethin' there, Heebie.  Every scene has Ape-face with his shirt open to his belly & his chest looks like shit.  He ain't ripped at all.  WTF?

 

Only Ape-face would be such a moron that he thinks he's breaking up with someone who says she never wants to see him again & tells him straight up what a loser he is.

 

Is Tom Schwartz taking enemas?  He looked almost yellow in his wan-ness.

 

Schwartz is lookin' painfully thin, ain't he?  If he's doing so great with booking modeling gigs, wtf does he need to work for Lisa?  You're full of shit, Tequila Katie.

 

Did Ape-face's old girlfriend look like an over-the-hill stripper or what?

[fliptopbox]

Schwartz is lookin' painfully thin, ain't he?  If he's doing so great with booking modeling gigs, wtf does he need to work for Lisa?  You're full of shit, Tequila Katie.

I wondered that too. I am guessing modeling gigs in LA pay better than bartending. Especially if you're getting steady shoots lined up. And even though I am sure there are dry spells, like Katie mentioned, he should (hopefully) have enough cash from the former gigs to cover a couple months here and there where work is scarce. Also, why is it so important he work for Lisa? I am sure there are a bazillion bars in LA he could work for on a temp basis. Granted they're not part of VPR....but if he needs work??? Money is money. It's hilarious how they live in such a diverse city and act like SUR, PUMP, or Villa Blanca are the only possible places to serve or bartend.

Edited November 11, 2014 by fliptopbox

[Chrissytd]

Is Tom Schwartz taking enemas?  He looked almost yellow in his wan-ness.  I think it is funny that despite his success as a model it is a part time waitering gig that Katie claims will give him the financial leg up to strong moneyed independence.   Yeah three early dinner shifts and he will be a regular Koch brother.

Nothing says financial stability like being a waiter.

[Betweenyouandme]

I must have been in the restroom, what did Stassi say about her sex life?

Hi there. Stassi said her bf is a rockstar in bed, they have equal parts lust and love, sex is the number one thing to make her happy in a relationship (followed by shopping, wine, brunch, and lastly Zoe her dog). But, mostly she wants 2 bathrooms, so she no longer has to walk to Starbucks to poop.

So, I see she must not be too heavily involved in scat play.

[ScoobieDoobs]

Also, why is it so important he work for Lisa?

 

 

Cuz being on the show (in a more expanded role with more camera time) does pay better than intermittent modeling gigs -- or bartending for Lisa.  

 

I wonder how Stass is gonna fit in.  She better get ready to put that fugly SUR shit on cuz I don't see how else she fits on there.  I sure as fuck don't wanna hear more whining from her bout how she couldn't take living in a small apartment in NYC.  Er, dat's what millions of us here do, Stass.  Fuck off with the whining bout dat.  If that's gonna be the extent to your contribution this season, Stass, you can take off now, hun.

 

So, I see she must not be too heavily involved in scat play.

 

Eek!  Well, she did wanna bring up the sex stuff.  

 

Btw, Stass, don't fuckin' laugh at your own unfunny shit in your TH's.  Really can't stand dat.  Gretchie poo used to do dat crap.  Blech.  Use Stass in the right way, producers or send her packin'.

Edited November 11, 2014 by ScoobieDoobs

[fliptopbox]

Cuz being on the show (in a more expanded role with more camera time) does pay better than intermittent modeling gigs -- or bartending for Lisa.  

I get that, but he's been on every season so far without working for Lisa. As long as he sticks with Tequila Katie he'll still get his VPR money. They only film for a short time anyway (few months I think) so he could easily get bartending gigs elsewhere when the show's not happening. Besides, now that the show's in its third season I am guessing they've all re-negotiated better salaries in their contracts, even TK and Schwartz. Although as far as modeling is concerned Schwartz seems a little short. Is he even 6ft? Doesn't look it. Or maybe that's only a thing for male runway models. I dunno.

[heebiejeebie]

 

I am sure there are a bazillion bars in LA he could work for on a temp basis. Granted they're not part of VPR....but if he needs work??? Money is money. It's hilarious how they live in such a diverse city and act like SUR, PUMP, or Villa Blanca are the only possible places to serve or bartend.

 

 

Even with the notoriety the show brings I wonder what any these knuckleheads make at the restaurants?  I'm sure the higher end eateries in L.A. have professional wait staff that pull down way more than these people do even when you combine their day job wages and what Lisa doles out as "cast" members.  So not only is it funny how they project the idea that these are the only places to work but a big part of that meme is that these are somehow the pinnacle of dining establishments.  In a four block stretch, let alone West Hollywood.  I'd like to have the cameras capture the whole cast going out and finding what a real good wait person can pull down at at high end restaurant if willing to put in the effort and have an ounce of charisma and attraction to pull it off.  Such a scenario would be even better if once they are hand held to the realization of what they aren't making, Lisa waltzes in in her usual beruffled smug superiority only to realize that for some reason someone left a large vat of hot tar and a sack of feathers near by.  Even better would be watching Jax's T-rex head explode when he sees real male eye candy pull in tips at some of the shirtless-Friday clubs tending bar.

[Lablover27]

I caught the end - where Lisa fired little boy blue.

 

I missed the confession FI Tom made!    What was it?  Sorry, I didn't DVR it and I'm cooking dinner and didn't read ALL of the posts...sorry.

 

ETA:  Nevermind.  I'm catching the repeat. 

Edited November 11, 2014 by Lablover27

[farmgal4]

Hi there. Stassi said her bf is a rockstar in bed, they have equal parts lust and love, sex is the number one thing to make her happy in a relationship (followed by shopping, wine, brunch, and lastly Zoe her dog). But, mostly she wants 2 bathrooms, so she no longer has to walk to Starbucks to poop.

So, I see she must not be too heavily involved in scat play.

Oh, yeah! I remember now (everything except the "rockstar in bed" part)!