S06.E12: Field of Dreams

[Drogo]

12 hours ago, bichonblitz said:

What is her career? I must have missed that. 

Don't quote me but I think she's a teacher.  

[Jax7917]

That was the most manipulative conversation between statler and Dempsey . Statler wasn’t getting what she wanted so she threw in the “ I’m adopted and nobody will ever love meee.” So ridiculous . Your parents didn’t even know you lol . They had their reasons I’m sure but the one that’s not on the list is that it was because they didn’t like your personality as a baby . 
 

Everytime I watch Niiiiiicola and Meisha I am so confused because of the mismatch . She’s beautiful , fun , sweet and he’s none of that . All he does it throw religious phrases out there but he’s unattractive and not nice . What does he have going for him that she can’t find any better ? 
 

I think David handled himself well with the son. In fact before he did the hand game , I was thinking that instead of small talk, first have fun with him because fun is universal and they can’t communicate otherwise at this moment . I really feel for David . Other people can learn his language but he can’t learn theirs and it’s got to be very hard to build relationships . 

[Scarlett45]

1 hour ago, Drogo said:

Don't quote me but I think she's a teacher.  

Building on that- would Violet’s daughters even want to come to the USA? Not that I think Violet and Riley have any chance of a relationship, but aren’t they late teens/20? They may think it’s fun, but if they wanted to stay with their Dad or Grandmother that is more likely to me than uprooting their life to live with Mom’s new man in another country. 
 

BUT again- Violet has no interest in Riley. He was fun to talk to when she was bored but she has a life and he doesn’t fit in it. She probably thought the visit would be fun because he would take her out but I don’t think she asked him to come visit her!

[DEL901]

The only reason I can see for Miesha still trying to salvage a relationship with Nicola….they’ve been talking for over 7 years.   He might have been one of her first/main cheerleaders/teachers and support on her path to Christianity and she feels a debt even if she doesn’t realize it.  

[Stuckathome]

Well, G--damn if I didn't find myself agreeing with Jasmine. Jasmine of all people! When she told Gino that it isn't wise to bring a baby into a relationship that has issues. That a baby is a LOT of work and stress even for couples with a "perfect" relationship. I think Gino is one of these morons who thinks if you throw a baby at a woman it will calm her down and make her happy and busy. Otherwise, these two are a snore. 

Dempsey needs to haul ass away from the dumpster fire that is now crashing in her caravan. 

Sheila and David.....sigh....I sense that Sheila isn't confident that David can provide for her and her son, but at this point realizes she doesn't have many options. I think it is great that David is being so honest with her about his finances and life in the US. So many of these couples, the foreign spouse has delusions of what life in the US is like based of the hollywood versions that we export. She seemed shocked he only has a one bedroom rental. He explained to her that he has two jobs, and life is still hard, but that is the reality. I was waiting for him to say, well why would one person rent a two bedroom? That extra money I saved is what is allowing me to be here for what, 3? 4 weeks? Not a cheap trip. I do hope they can make it work and he can get her and her son to the US. I thought the interpreter was a bit rude when she asked about the grunts etc. If she is fluent in ASL, which we know she is, I would expect she has spent time around deaf people. I don't think it is that unusual----as he said, he doesn't even realize he is making noise. 

[Mahamid Frauded Me]

I know David said he went to a school for the deaf, but I am surprised he doesn't read lips and can't speak I am watching Big Brother, and a young man who is deaf can speak and read lips, you wouldn't know he had a disability. 

I despise Violet even more than Riley, she is never wrong and she blew a gasket when Tiffany was asking questions, but it was ok to text his dad all these negative things about him? 

Meisha, you should have pushed him into the ocean.

There is something not right about Mary

[Drogo]

42 minutes ago, Stuckathome said:

I thought the interpreter was a bit rude when she asked about the grunts etc. If she is fluent in ASL, which we know she is, I would expect she has spent time around deaf people.

For that, she's a good interpreter - she's just supposed to translate and not put her two cents in.  Lots of interpreters (not just the family/friend kind either) fall short in this regard on 90DF; the subtitles tell us the direct translation and there they are giving a sugar-coated or consolidated version to the recipient.

[Elizzikra]

3 hours ago, Jax7917 said:

That was the most manipulative conversation between statler and Dempsey . Statler wasn’t getting what she wanted so she threw in the “ I’m adopted and nobody will ever love meee.” So ridiculous . Your parents didn’t even know you lol . They had their reasons I’m sure but the one that’s not on the list is that it was because they didn’t like your personality as a baby . 

 

I sympathized with Statler even though I did think she brought up her feelings of abandonment in that moment to manipulate Dempsey. That said, it’s not at all uncommon for people who are adopted to feel rejection and abandonment by their birth parents. Even as they get older and can understand, cognitively, that the decision to place a child for adoption isn’t in any way a reflection on the child himself/herself, there are some really complex emotions that go along with it. This is still true even though as a society, we are much more accepting of adoption than we used to be and with the trend toward open adoption. It’s just hard sometimes. I think her feelings are genuine; I just think her telling of them was designed to elicit sympathy and an agreement for her to move in.

[Scarlett45]

5 hours ago, Mahamid Frauded Me said:

I know David said he went to a school for the deaf, but I am surprised he doesn't read lips and can't speak I am watching Big Brother, and a young man who is deaf can speak and read lips, you wouldn't know he had a disability. 

 

A lot of that is dependent on the amount of hearing loss, the services one received as a young child, and the methodology of education for deaf people when the person was growing up (also the availability of services in their area). 
 

David is 46 right? I assume the young man on Big Brother is in his 20s (I looked it up he’s 27)- education and social attitudes change a lot in 20yrs. 
Also the amount of effort parents and caregivers give to any child who is “different” varies from family to family (attitudes, education level, resources, number of other kids in the family etc). 
 

Somewhat related- I was having this discussion with my friend who was lamenting that her parents didn’t do much planning for her brother who was born cognitively typical but was mentally disabled by his epilepsy medication- I told her I understand where she is coming from, but it was a different time 40yrs ago, her parents were not educated or sophisticated and were poor- there was so much social shame. You can’t compare that to the situation my sister was in more than a decade later with two physician parents, and because my sister is NOT capable of any self care, there was always a back up plan. She never “grew up” she just got taller. 
 

Deaf kids born at the turn of the millennium are not going to have the same educational and social experiences that David had, even if they go to Deaf boarding school etc. Even the internet has opened the world so much. 
 

Edited to add- not all Deaf people wish to be oral (even if they were taught as children). 

[Kath94]

2 hours ago, Elizzikra said:

I sympathized with Statler even though I did think she brought up her feelings of abandonment in that moment to manipulate Dempsey. That said, it’s not at all uncommon for people who are adopted to feel rejection and abandonment by their birth parents. Even as they get older and can understand, cognitively, that the decision to place a child for adoption isn’t in any way a reflection on the child himself/herself, there are some really complex emotions that go along with it. This is still true even though as a society, we are much more accepting of adoption than we used to be and with the trend toward open adoption. It’s just hard sometimes. I think her feelings are genuine; I just think her telling of them was designed to elicit sympathy and an agreement for her to move in.

Statler whines that she DESERVES UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.  In that case, she needs to get a dog.  Forcing Dempsey to let her move in will NOT get her the unconditional love she wants.

[1011101010001]

49 minutes ago, Kath94 said:

Statler whines that she DESERVES UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.  In that case, she needs to get a dog.  Forcing Dempsey to let her move in will NOT get her the unconditional love she wants.

Statler needs conditional love so she will act like an adult.

[Craigcodybazhate]

Cleo with those crocodile tears. She cry’s about everything. She’s the one who went to go to her she could’ve done something else. 
 

Chris looks like he’s getting way more comfortable with her. 
 

The episode was Mid. 
 

Nicola and Meisha you take your girl fishing and she gets hurt and you get mad and say you’re never taking her fishing again. lol. And Miesha was a trooper about it and keep trying to fish. 
 

David glad he’s stepping up with Sheila her Son you gotta step up and be a man and support your momma. 
 

 

Riley haha you shoulda been bought her flowers. Hes hilarious. He’s now again playing victim and being low key trying to start the rukus again. 

[Craigcodybazhate]

Gino and Jasmine if Jasmine said it was raining outside I’d have to look. 
 

Get out of my house. Bitch I pay for this house. 
 

Statler brings up being adopted come on. You just said your adopted family was supportive they took you on trips all over the world. 
 

there have been other adopted kids who really had to go through shit not having anyone want them in and out of group homes. 
 

But there have been adopting parents who have been great making kids feel like they are part of the family. 
 

what is Dempsey supposed to say to that. ??? Like now she has to do what you say???? 

[anoninrva]

1 hour ago, Craigcodybazhate said:

Statler brings up being adopted come on. You just said your adopted family was supportive they took you on trips all over the world. 
 

there have been other adopted kids who really had to go through shit not having anyone want them in and out of group homes. 
 

But there have been adopting parents who have been great making kids feel like they are part of the family. 

I was thinking something similar.  Her adoptive parents *chose* her.  Some kids go from foster home to foster home until they're expected to just grow up themselves.  I'd swear that's been a theme before on Love after Lockup.

[Elizzikra]

39 minutes ago, anoninrva said:

I was thinking something similar.  Her adoptive parents *chose* her.  Some kids go from foster home to foster home until they're expected to just grow up themselves.  I'd swear that's been a theme before on Love after Lockup.

She’s allowed to feel what she feels even knowing that other kids have it worse. Many adopted children feel a sense of abandonment even when they are adopted as infants by wonderful people who give them a great childhood. Even if they cognitively recognize that their birth parents decision to place them for adoption was an act of love, not rejection. There are reams of research on this. Statler shouldn’t use this to manipulate people but she’s entitled to her feelings, particularly about a childhood trauma over which she had no control.

 

6 hours ago, Kath94 said:

Statler whines that she DESERVES UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.  In that case, she needs to get a dog.  Forcing Dempsey to let her move in will NOT get her the unconditional love she wants.

Please don’t wish that on some poor, unsuspecting dog.

2 hours ago, Craigcodybazhate said:

 

The episode was Mid. 
 

What does that mean?

[Passing Strange]

On 8/21/2023 at 2:49 PM, anoninrva said:

Maybe this is producer-driven drama instead of the obvious drama of him being an energy-sucking jerk.

The two aren't mutually exclusive. 

[seacliffsal]

13 hours ago, Elizzikra said:

 

Please don’t wish that on some poor, unsuspecting dog.

What does that mean?

This a million times!!!

[Craigcodybazhate]

15 hours ago, anoninrva said:

I was thinking something similar.  Her adoptive parents *chose* her.  Some kids go from foster home to foster home until they're expected to just grow up themselves.  I'd swear that's been a theme before on Love after Lockup.

You are so right. 

15 hours ago, Elizzikra said:

She’s allowed to feel what she feels even knowing that other kids have it worse. Many adopted children feel a sense of abandonment even when they are adopted as infants by wonderful people who give them a great childhood. Even if they cognitively recognize that their birth parents decision to place them for adoption was an act of love, not rejection. There are reams of research on this. Statler shouldn’t use this to manipulate people but she’s entitled to her feelings, particularly about a childhood trauma over which she had no control.

 

Please don’t wish that on some poor, unsuspecting dog.

What does that mean?

Meaning not that good. Mediocre. Okay subpar. 

[surfgirl]

On 8/22/2023 at 1:56 PM, Kath94 said:

Statler whines that she DESERVES UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.  In that case, she needs to get a dog.  Forcing Dempsey to let her move in will NOT get her the unconditional love she wants.

Hey, that's not fair to the dog!

[Natalie68]

On 8/22/2023 at 1:56 PM, Kath94 said:

Statler whines that she DESERVES UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.  In that case, she needs to get a dog.  Forcing Dempsey to let her move in will NOT get her the unconditional love she wants.

Statler may have a sad life story but she is a huge manipulator who Dempsey will probably regret getting mixed up with.  That was a shit maneuver bringing up her adoption and lack of love story.  Plus her acting and game is terrible.  

[Mrs. Landingham]

On 8/21/2023 at 4:51 AM, Matty said:

Dempsey is one of the most well-adjusted people that has appeared on any of the 90 Day Fiance seasons. She's calm, articulate, level-headed, nice, reasonable. She's a cool person and seems to have her act together. Enter Statler. Weird, chaotic, unstable, clingy, needy. Statler needs to slow down, go home, and evaluate things before she pressures Dempsey further. Who tells someone "I'm moving to England and I'm moving in with you!" Statler had an entire one-sided plan figured out for her life. Only problem is that Dempsey wasn't consulted. 

I have no words for Nikola and his family. What a painful first visit that was. It's all on Nikola. What the heck does Miesha see in this guy?

I 100% agree with this assessment of Dempsey and Statler. Statler’s gormless yet smug smile each time she declares her plan to just move to England and live there makes my blood boil. I really don’t think she’s as dumb as she’s letting on. Surely she knows that the UK has residency laws just like any other place. 
 

Nikola is a gas lighting, manipulative piece of garbage. 

[Mrs. Landingham]

On 8/21/2023 at 6:44 AM, Hellohappylife said:

it’s his native language.

I have a sore lower back and I laughed so hard at this I made it hurt worse, thanks a lot! 🤣🤣 

I don’t like Cleo or Christian. Too fake and rehearsed. He annoys me more than she does, though.

[Fable]

@Mrs. Landingham

I had to give this post a like just for the use of "gormless yet smug smile."  So perfectly apt.  

[Mrs. Landingham]

1 hour ago, Fable said:

@Mrs. Landingham

I had to give this post a like just for the use of "gormless yet smug smile."  So perfectly apt.  

I appreciate it.

Statler grates on my very last nerve.  

[Elizzikra]

Quote

gormless

Now there's a word you don't hear every day.

[Teri313]

On 8/20/2023 at 10:46 PM, anoninrva said:

None of these couples work except for David and Shelia.  I thought his rough-housing was fairly gentle and age-appropriate.  Hopefully him being poor (for the US) isn't going to be a deal-breaker.  

I've been wondering, with his financial situation, who will sponsor her/them. Is this even realistic? Maybe that's why he's doing this, for show money. I hope he can pull it off.

On 8/20/2023 at 11:18 PM, surfgirl said:

I think these two are faking to be on the show. Cleo does that tearless crying and it comes across as fake and for the camera. Chris seems like he's faking it too.

I agree. I was so distracted and annoyed by the 100% dry-crying, I don't even know what the issue was. 

On 8/21/2023 at 12:12 AM, Hellohappylife said:

Dempsey- RUN.

So I can't believe they casually tucked this into the "More to Love" version of this episode, but ... the day after their bad Valentines night while Dempsey was at work, Statler facetimes her friend Natali, who asks how they're getting along and how sexually compatible they are. Statler tells her that Dempsey is sexually inexperienced, shy, emotional, vanilla, boring - whereas Statler is into "public sex" and being kinky. Then she unconvincingly says that she thinks she can live with boring sex for the rest of her life. And she hasn't discussed any of this with Dempsey (who I'm sure will be mortified to see this conversation play out on TV). Yet she thinks they're ready to live together. This girl is so immature.

[Raja]

20 minutes ago, Teri313 said:

I've been wondering, with his financial situation, who will sponsor her/them. Is this even realistic? Maybe that's why he's doing this, for show money. I hope he can pull it off.

I agree. I was so distracted and annoyed by the 100% dry-crying, I don't even know what the issue was. 

So I can't believe they casually tucked this into the "More to Love" version of this episode, but ... the day after their bad Valentines night while Dempsey was at work, Statler facetimes her friend Natali, who asks how they're getting along and how sexually compatible they are. Statler tells her that Dempsey is sexually inexperienced, shy, emotional, vanilla, boring - whereas Statler is into "public sex" and being kinky. Then she unconvincingly says that she thinks she can live with boring sex for the rest of her life. And she hasn't discussed any of this with Dempsey (who I'm sure will be mortified to see this conversation play out on TV). Yet she thinks they're ready to live together. This girl is so immature.

If the numbers that others posted about his probably income are correct he is well over the rate by double of what will trigger a need for a guaranteeing sponsorship 

[CrazyInAlabama]

 I really hope David and Sheila and the little boy make a happy family here, and I'm really pulling for the three of them.    

Edited August 26, 2023 by CrazyInAlabama

[Elizzikra]

2 hours ago, Teri313 said:

 

So I can't believe they casually tucked this into the "More to Love" version of this episode, but ... the day after their bad Valentines night while Dempsey was at work, Statler facetimes her friend Natali, who asks how they're getting along and how sexually compatible they are. Statler tells her that Dempsey is sexually inexperienced, shy, emotional, vanilla, boring - whereas Statler is into "public sex" and being kinky. Then she unconvincingly says that she thinks she can live with boring sex for the rest of her life. And she hasn't discussed any of this with Dempsey (who I'm sure will be mortified to see this conversation play out on TV). Yet she thinks they're ready to live together. This girl is so immature.

Or, now that Statler feels rejected by Dempsey’s entirely reasonable rebuff of living together after spending like 72 hours together in person, she is finding reasons to reject Dempsey.

[Scarlett45]

On 8/26/2023 at 4:57 PM, Teri313 said:

I've been wondering, with his financial situation, who will sponsor her/them. Is this even realistic? Maybe that's why he's doing this, for show money. I hope he can pull it off.

David makes enough to sponsor both of them with his two jobs, 125% of the federal poverty guidelines is about $32k for a family of three. K-1 Visa Guidelines.
 

He’s probably been at both jobs for a while, and may take on overtime when needed for his “extras”. (Not as if he has caregiving or family responsibilities) At $800/week with 50 working weeks a year, that’s $40k.

But yes it’s costly, application fees, lawyers, interpreter, plus airfare and feeding both of them until Sheila can get a job.

 

[Elizzikra]

Quote

125% of the federal poverty guidelines is about $32k for a family of three.

The U.S. really needs to update its poverty guidelines...