Jewish Matchmaking - General Discussion

[CountryGirl]

Quote

 When Jewish singles are ready to get serious, they call on Aleeza Ben Shalom to find their perfect romantic match from across the US and Israel. 

Premieres May 3, 2023 on Netflix.

[Leeds]

Oy.

[EtheltoTillie]

I’m here for this!  I hope it’s as good as Indian Matchmaking. 

[Kiss my mutt]

Same!

[Aulty]

On 4/15/2023 at 2:23 AM, EtheltoTillie said:

I’m here for this!  I hope it’s as good as Indian Matchmaking. 

Nah, let's hope it's a lot better and they find matches that actually make it to the altar

[retired watcher]

Starting off a little cringy. They are following the map of Indian Matchmaker.

[judylo]

Just on second episode. That Ori guy is a douchebag.

[Kiss my mutt]

So far, these people seem more, LA, than Jew. Very unlikeable cringey people. The blonde girl is wacko and Ori is a spoiled brat. Did he really say his wife would have to live at home with him. He’s all over the map about what he’s looking for. 

[judylo]

I actually like the matchmaker. Better than Sima!

[Kiss my mutt]

7 minutes ago, judylo said:

I actually like the matchmaker. Better than Sima!

Same! Sima could take lessons from her. She’s direct but not pushy or judgemental or at least she can hide it. 

[judylo]

Does anyone else think that not only is Ori super obnoxious in his demands, he is also no prize in the looks department? That first setup, the brunette Israeli actress, was gorgeous! How dare he find her lacking! (Though didn’t he say at first that he wanted to sleep with her? Or was that some other guy?)

[Kiss my mutt]

4 minutes ago, judylo said:

Does anyone else think that not only is Ori super obnoxious in his demands, he is also no prize in the looks department? That first setup, the brunette Israeli actress, was gorgeous! How dare he find her lacking! (Though didn’t he say at first that he wanted to sleep with her? Or was that some other guy?)

Totally agree. Not attractive at all. He comes off as a total squeeze. His momma may love him, but his dad looked like he thought he was a jackass. 
He wants a blonde hair, blue eye, Moroccan, Sephardic Jew who speaks Hebrew and has money that wants to live with his parents? He only has a job because of mom and admits he doesn’t have enough money to live on his own and he doesn’t think his date is good enough for him? She had his number pretty quickly though. Good for her. I can’t believe he called her simple. 

[HerkyJerky]

55 minutes ago, judylo said:

I actually like the matchmaker. Better than Sima!

ITA! Unlike Sima, Aleeza gives down-to -earth, actionable advice.

[Aulty]

I think Aleeza is a lot warmer than Sima and gives a lot more and better guidance for the first dates.  She feels a more modern matchmaker and as a relationship-coach (?) she operates with a better understanding of what dating this side of the millenium looks like. With Sima I often get the feeling she would prefer her clients more malleable and adhering to the old ways of MM. And I find the way she talks about people, their looks etc. rather cold sometimes.
I am not saying that Matchmaking in Jewhish culture is better than what we've seen of Indian MM. I think the matchmakers themselves are crucial, especially with those shows focussing on US based (more opinionated) clientele. Curious how Sima does in the UK and whether the people there are better suited to her style of MM.

I especially liked Aleeza helped Stuart preparing for dating, with the stylist, and the positive, upbeat way she interacted with and handled Nakysha.
Ori is the jewish Apurna, isn't he?
I still have a couple of episodes left. Shame Fay and the first guy didn't work out, he was so excited.

[judylo]

I just finished the series. I want updates on all the clients! 

[Hanya2]

I think the professor from Vermont deserves a brighter, more intellectually sophisticated woman, than the CalIfornia girl with an apartment full of unicorns.

And that mama's boy is a total douche. The Israeli actress is way out of his league. I wouldn't go out with someone who lives with their parents, unless they were taking care of a sick parent.

[Starlight925]

As a Jewish woman, I wish I had met Aleeza many years ago.  I'd have used her!

I knew she was frum (very religious) the first moment she was on the screen, as I noticed her wig.  A married Orthodox woman has to cover her hair at all times.  So at first, I was worried that she'd only pair up other frum Jewish people, but she runs the gamut, depending on their own preferences.

I'm only 2 episodes in, but I'm sure I'll finish this weekend.

Interesting how they get into the Ashkenazi vs. Sephardic.  I'm Ashkenazi, and I've only ever been with Ashkenazi, except that we think my 1st husband was Sephardic.  He was adopted, so we never found out, but he looked Sephardic.  It's just interesting to see this discussed on Netflix!

I used to go to a Jewish Matchmaker dating service, back in the 80's/90's, before the internet.  It was run differently, but there was a lot of "oh he's so nice, go out with him!" amongst the ladies that worked it.  So fun.  I did date someone from it for almost a year.

[Irlandesa]

I buzzed through this last night and I really enjoyed it.  Aleeza is amazing.  She gives some great advice, IMO, especially for people who truly are looking to find a partner. The minute she actually asked the one guy what he meant by "family-oriented," I wanted to cheer.  So many people throw that term around because it's deemed as a "good characteristic," but does that mean they want a partner who will always hang out with their family?  Or their partner's?  And people who maintain boundaries with a toxic family need not apply?   Unfortunately, she did work with some people who weren't really interested, or worthy but some were. 

One thing I liked the most about this is, for the most part, I enjoyed being on these people's dates.  There were many people who made me laugh.  And others who had great conversations.  And others had serious conversations about their compatibility.

It also featured a lot of diversity in terms of the participants.  Some were more religious.  Some considered themselves more culturally Jewish but not observant. And they didn't all look the same either. 

I am a bit bummed by the 44-year-old "I need my vagina to explode" woman.  I thought her conversations with the architecture professor were so great that I would've liked to see her give it a bit more time to see if feelings develop assuming she wasn't getting the ick.  If she leads vagina-first and things don't work out, maybe that's not a great strategy.  So instead of hoping her heart and mind follow her nether regions and her partner becomes worthy, maybe she should work in the opposite way of using her mind, heart and finding a worthy person and hope the passion catches on.

But Tel-Aviv man, I never knew it was the land of the fuckbois.  I learned something new.

[judylo]

Yeah, the last guy, Noah, who was actually Italian, was very sexy. But too young to be serious about relationships—and he wasn’t. Why use a matchmaker if you’re 24 and don’t want to get married till you’re 30? Granted, his last date was only 23, but she’s supposed to wait 6 years?

[pasdetrois]

I'm enjoying this. Aleeza is very charismatic and she looks a little like Julia Louis-Dreyfus.

I wondered why she love-bombed the vapid unicorn who just wants orgasms. Also, her talking heads are in front of a background that looks like a game show. Perhaps it's an art piece?

The dating conversations are quite realistic.

On 5/3/2023 at 9:56 PM, Kiss my mutt said:

He wants a blonde hair, blue eye, Moroccan, Sephardic Jew who speaks Hebrew and has money

I suspect he also wants big boobs but had enough sense not to say it on TV. He wants a Jewish Pamela Anderson.

 

[judylo]

1 hour ago, pasdetrois said:

I'm enjoying this. Aleeza is very charismatic and she looks a little like Julia Louis-Dreyfus.

I wondered why she love-bombed the vapid unicorn who just wants orgasms. Also, her talking heads are in front of a background that looks like a game show. Perhaps it's an art piece?

The dating conversations are quite realistic.

I suspect he also wants big boobs but had enough sense not to say it on TV. He wants a Jewish Pamela Anderson.

 

He kinda did say it, about big boobs. Maybe gestured with his hands? Indicated that the boobs weren’t big enough (Ori the douche).

[TiredMe]

I’m on episode 3 and I’m enjoying it except for Ori. Dude is no prize in the looks dept and all he talks about is having a beautiful women. He needs to take a realistic look in the mirror. 

[mrsbagnet]

18 hours ago, Irlandesa said:

I am a bit bummed by the 44-year-old "I need my vagina to explode" woman.  I thought her conversations with the architecture professor were so great that I would've liked to see her give it a bit more time to see if feelings develop assuming she wasn't getting the ick.  If she leads vagina-first and things don't work out, maybe that's not a great strategy.  So instead of hoping her heart and mind follow her nether regions and her partner becomes worthy, maybe she should work in the opposite way of using her mind, heart and finding a worthy person and hope the passion catches on.

I wished she'd spent more with the professor--he might have surprised her if their relationship became sexual. I feel like a 44-year-old should be past the point of sex being the #1 criteria for a partner. #2 or #3, sure, if it's that important to you, but character should be #1.

Edited May 6, 2023 by mrsbagnet

[Irlandesa]

53 minutes ago, mrsbagnet said:

I feel like a 44-year-old should be past the point of sex being the #1 criteria for a partner. #2 or #3, sure, if it's that important to you, but character should be #1.

Sex can be important.  No one should have to put up with bad sex.  But she was prioritizing passion and lust which does tend to ebb and flow in a long-term relationship. 

[judylo]

14 hours ago, pasdetrois said:

I'm enjoying this. Aleeza is very charismatic and she looks a little like Julia Louis-Dreyfus.

I wondered why she love-bombed the vapid unicorn who just wants orgasms. Also, her talking heads are in front of a background that looks like a game show. Perhaps it's an art piece?

The dating conversations are quite realistic.

I suspect he also wants big boobs but had enough sense not to say it on TV. He wants a Jewish Pamela Anderson.

 

He kinda did say it, about big boobs. Maybe gestured with his hands? Indicated that the boobs weren’t big enough (Ori the douche).

 

On 5/4/2023 at 8:00 PM, judylo said:

I just finished the series. I want updates on all the clients! 

Spoilers here! https://stylecaster.com/who-still-together-jewish-matchmaking/

[Irlandesa]

10 hours ago, judylo said:

Spoilers here! https://stylecaster.com/who-still-together-jewish-matchmaking/

I wish they had more concrete information than just Instagram follows. 

[TwirlyGirly]

Just started watching the series today.

Harmonie's issue wasn't about sex or a certain type of sex per se. She said she wanted passion - and expecting passionate sex with one person for a lifetime is unrealistic.

Plenty of couples continue to have active sex lives well into their 70's, 80's, and even 90's. 

But will it be the same as it was when they were in their 30's and 40's? 

No. 

The first issue is neither Harmonie's nor her husband's body is going to look nor be able to do the same things at the ages they are now 10, 20, 30, and 40 years hence.

Advancing age can play cruel tricks on our bodies and our minds; there's no guarantee either Harmonie or her husband will be physically or mentally capable of having "passionate" sex indefinitely.

So if that's what she's expecting from a partner, she's going to be disappointed no matter who he is. Prioritizing that over everything else is why she hasn't found anyone.

Wouldn't it be better if the traits she's looking for in a partner were those less likely to be affected by forces outside of her - and her husband's - control? 

Traits like kindness, compassion, honesty, trustworthiness, etc.? 

I think they are - for many people - but for Harmonie I suspect not.

Furthermore, if Harmonie does get married in 2023 like she predicted she will, the marriage won't last.

Why?

Because despite hiring a matchmaker, and the matchmaker advising her about what she should and should not do on her first few dates with a guy, Harmonie doesn't follow the rules.

She doesn't follow the rules because no one knows more about dating than she does.

Even though the guys she's dated aren't right for her. Which is probably because there's something wrong with them.

The fact she hasn't married yet despite desperately wanting to has nothing to do with her and everything to do with the guys with whom she's sharing her orbit being defective.

Maybe. Or something else. Probably. But it's absolutely positively NOT because of Harmonie.  

Unless it is.   ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Edited May 7, 2023 by TwirlyGirly
Spelling. Because I didn't.

[Harvey]

I only watched episode 1 so far, but I'm seriously triggered by Ori. First of all, you live with your parents, you never made anything of your life, you only have a job because Mommy hired you, and even then you work in event planning, not exactly rocket science. You are also not particularly good looking and already balding at what, 30? And you have all these huge, unrealistic expectations about what your significant other should be like? And based on what, what do you bring to the table in the relationship? You know, besides entitlement.

Even after a short time watching Ori and the Unicorn woman, you can clearly see why they are still single. I felt bad for the matchmaker that she has to deal with them. But I guess you don't have to use these services if you are a catch, so she encounters mostly these types of people.

 

And that one woman criticizng the guy for not offering her water? Seriously? Come on now...

Edited May 7, 2023 by Harvey

[oldCJ]

I find it hilarious Ori has his ig on private. Imagine being such a douche that your appearance on a Netflix show took you off social media. Irina from LIB and Jill from Outlast were outright villains, yet their popularity skyrocketed after the show.

[HerkyJerky]

On 5/4/2023 at 9:13 PM, Starlight925 said:

I knew she was frum (very religious) the first moment she was on the screen, as I noticed her wig

Just curious, how could you tell it was a wig?  It looked like her real hair to me (but what I can tell?  I'm just an guy...lol)

[HerkyJerky]

https://www.heyalma.com/jewish-matchmaking-star-aleeza-ben-shalom-wants-you-to-find-your-person/

[Baltimore Betty]

54 minutes ago, HerkyJerky said:

Just curious, how could you tell it was a wig?  It looked like her real hair to me (but what I can tell?  I'm just an guy...lol)

Married Othodox women typically wear a wig (sheitel) when out in public or they wear a scarf (shmatah) hair is considered sexy so to speak and it is only for their husbands to see, they spend big money on them, good hair and most of the time they look like their own hair.  All that aside, women can always tell a wig when we see one!

If you notice Aleeza Ben Shalom also never shows her collar bone, elbows or knees. Modesty is a big deal.  

Ori, ugh. He brings nothing to the table for any woman unless whiny and stunted becomes attributes.

[Starlight925]

2 hours ago, HerkyJerky said:

Just curious, how could you tell it was a wig?  It looked like her real hair to me (but what I can tell?  I'm just an guy...lol)

Just because I've seen enough Orthodox women and their wigs.  I could tell the first minute she was on.  

It's a beautiful wig, and I think she's a very attractive woman (as someone else said, very Julia Louis Dreyfus-ish), but I knew from the first 30 seconds it's a wig.  

The way women can easily tell that other women have extensions, or fake eyelashes, gel nails.  

And the fact that you're a guy....lol....you're not focusing on these things, yes?

[pasdetrois]

1 hour ago, Baltimore Betty said:

All that aside, women can always tell a wig when we see one!

I noticed Aleeza's wig in her first scene. I can almost always spot a wig, even expensive ones on celebrities. The hairline is almost always too obvious, and the hair just doesn't look natural - too shiny or perfectly curled, for example. On men, the hair at the back of the neck lifts up instead of being attached to the skin.

So many women are wearing wigs now that the odds are that some will be badly placed and noticeable. I'm not saying that is the case with Aleeza's. Beyond religious reasons, wigs are a handy option for busy women, or in some cases a necessity.

I finished the series and really enjoyed it. Although I'm sure some of the participants did it for camera time, the series felt less manufactured than other reality shows. Aleeza seems like a kind soul.

 

Edited May 7, 2023 by pasdetrois

[Starlight925]

A few years ago, I was invited to attend a "Jewish women" event in my city, which I was excited about.  I live nowhere near NY, LA, Chicago, etc., so I was excited to go.

The first thing I noticed was.....everyone had a wig.  Every.One.  Except me.  That was when I knew it was not just a "Jewish women" event, but "Jewish ORTHODOX women".  

Who knew my city had such a large contingent of Orthodox?

They were super nice to me, but it's just not me.  The Rabbi & his wife, who headed up the event, both sent me friend requests, and I continued to get emails.  Sort of like....come....join us....lol.

Edited May 7, 2023 by Starlight925

[Starlight925]

Back to the show, I've finished it.

Like Indian Matchmaking....picky, picky, picky.

Ori, the mama's boy, is a delusional 6 seeking a 10.

Dani, the obnoxious Miami eyebrow girl, picks apart every little thing, like David not pouring her water.  Just ask, you idiot.

Stupidly named Harmonie (seriously?), the middle-aged woman who still thinks she's a teenager, wonders why she's still single.

And Shaya, the Orthodox guy, who says he's lucky to come from such a good-looking family (I called it as soon as he said that), came up with the excuse that he doesn't want to be "as religious" as the charming, attractive Fay he had such great dates with.  Yet he wears a Tallit, or prayer shawl (you can see the fringe under his shirt), and he stays in the Orthodox community.  What I called about him  was that he was going to find some excuse to wiggle out of any date he'd been set up with, as he thinks he's too good.

 

 

Edited May 7, 2023 by Starlight925

[Irlandesa]

37 minutes ago, pasdetrois said:

Beyond religious reasons, wigs are a handy option for busy women, or in some cases a necessity.

A lot of actresses with curly hair wear them because curls can be tough to manage and look different from one day to the next.  For continuity purposes, it's just easier to wear a wig. That said, I rarely notice them because I'm unobservant like that.  😆

19 minutes ago, Starlight925 said:

Dani, the obnoxious Miami eyebrow girl, picks apart every little thing, like David not pouring her water.  Just ask, you idiot.

I was okay with that because she didn't decide not to see him because of that.  She kept seeing him to see if that lack of courtesy was a one-off yellow flag or indicative of a bigger issue.  It turns out, indicative of a bigger issue.  I agree she could ask or pour it herself, but him not offering did show he wasn't that into her. 

[Irlandesa]

28 minutes ago, Starlight925 said:

don't necessarily agree that not pouring water for her indicated that he wasn't into her.  

Could have been, just the opposite.

I had a first date at a nice restaurant where my date ordered us a bottle of wine.  Dinner time, ok.  But told the waiter "no" when asked if we wanted food.  An hour into it, I finally asked for some bread.  I thought, jeez, this guy is cheap, not into me, etc.  

I don't see where we disagree.  The scenario you described is exactly what happened in the series.  Instead of complaining about not pouring water, you might have highlighted the "not ordering food" part as seeming cheap if you had a camera in front of you after the date to get your thoughts.  

But like you, Dani also gave David more chances to see who he truly was.  Unlike your situation, she found out he wasn't all that into her.

 

 

[Scarlett45]

I’m only on episode 2, but Ori is such a douche. It’s fine if he’s not attracted to his date, but no need to disparage her looks because it’s not what you want. A simple “she’s very pretty, but I didn’t feel a chemistry” would’ve sufficed. He’s so crass, no one is going to find that attractive. 

[buttersister]

I like Aleeza. Ori, otoh, had no redeeming qualities as far as I could see. I assume she left him in to make a point about there being all kinds of fish in the sea. And move on quickly when a stinky one like this pops up. Ha, I assume that's why several of them, male and female, were included. 

She has 200 success stories, but never said out of how many fixups. LOL!

[EtheltoTillie]

Ori is a complete douche mama's boy.  He should be auditioning for "I Love a Mama's Boy."

Eyebrow girl, wtf?

[Harvey]

Ep 5:

Well, the thing with Dani and David (the tall dark cuban guy) ended. I don't know how to feel about that one, like okay Dani felt disrespected I get that but I can see why the guy didn't take her seriously. She was not religious enough and too much into nightlife as he said, like those are 2 too big incompatibilities so I get it.

Noah and the pharmacist lady were so cute together! I felt sad for him that she didn't feel a connection with him, they had very nice talks in the beginning.

Shaya: it was weird when he said his family is hot and he considers himself a catch, although I have to give it to him, he is by far the best looking guy on this show so far. But why say that on camera 🥲

 

[judylo]

56 minutes ago, Harvey said:

Ep 5:

Well, the thing with Dani and David (the tall dark cuban guy) ended. I don't know how to feel about that one, like okay Dani felt disrespected I get that but I can see why the guy didn't take her seriously. She was not religious enough and too much into nightlife as he said, like those are 2 too big incompatibilities so I get it.

Noah and the pharmacist lady were so cute together! I felt sad for him that she didn't feel a connection with him, they had very nice talks in the beginning.

Shaya: it was weird when he said his family is hot and he considers himself a catch, although I have to give it to him, he is by far the best looking guy on this show so far. But why say that on camera 🥲

 

Wait for Noah #2, Italian now in Tel Aviv. Very goodlooking!

[mrsbagnet]

I couldn't tell if Fay is just a serious, low-key person or if she didn't actually want to be going on dates. She just never looked all that pleased when Shaya showed up, like she was doing this whole thing out of obligation. Her mom looked happier to meet him. OTOH, she could be, like me, just not an expressive person.

Edited May 8, 2023 by mrsbagnet

[Kiss my mutt]

I’m hoping that the girl that Ori wants gives him the old heave-ho. His ego needs to be taken down several notches.

[Harvey]

I finished the series today. I definitely feel like they put the more interesting people in the first half of the season. Like as messy as they were, Harmonie, Ori and Dani were more memorable than the musician guy who wore oversized clothes or the Italian Noah who realized he doesn't even want to get married for another 6 years.

I wish there was a longer / more meaningful outro from the Matchmaker lady to wrap up the series, in it's current form the final episode felt anticlimatic since nothing much happened but it is what it is. We really should have gotten a "6 months later" with all the people she matched, although it seems like none of them are together anymore so maybe it would have been a bad look.

[chocolatine]

I decided to watch this because I needed something to laugh at. For context, I'm ethnically Ashkenazi Jewish, but have always been an atheist and don't follow any Jewish traditions other than speak a little Yiddish because it connects me to my late grandparents. My family always tries to pressure me to date Jewish men, but I largely avoid them because a lot of the men in our community are like Ori: nothing to offer in terms of intellect, looks, or professional success, but sky-high demands for what they want in a woman. It comes from mothers and grandmothers treating boys like kings, so they grow up lazy and entitled.

I'm pleasantly surprised by how "modern" Aleeza's approach is despite her own traditional lifestyle, so I keep watching mainly for her. The people she's trying to match are not that great, but I'm only two episodes in so I hope that changes.

Edited May 9, 2023 by chocolatine

[Baltimore Betty]

1 hour ago, chocolatine said:

I'm ethnically Ashkenazi Jewish

Same here but I do embrace some of the traditions and I do speak (not fluent at all) Yiddish when I need a really good descriptive word for something, I do not keep kosher but I light candles Friday night, etc...I married someone that does not care about any of that but grew up in a kosher home and went as far as Hebrew College after his Bar Mitzvah.

Aleeza is smart in asking about their level of keeping religious observances and what not but at what point does she tell the Ori's and self proclaimed Unicorn girl that they ain't all that and to look inward and ask themselves what they bring to the table, Aleeza is very nice, maybe too nice.

I met my husband on JDate, it was almost 20 years ago, I do not think I would have the same success today, dating has become a blood sport!

[retired watcher]

On 5/8/2023 at 2:59 PM, Harvey said:

I finished the series today. I definitely feel like they put the more interesting people in the first half of the season. Like as messy as they were, Harmonie, Ori and Dani were more memorable than the musician guy who wore oversized clothes or the Italian Noah who realized he doesn't even want to get married for another 6 years.

I wish there was a longer / more meaningful outro from the Matchmaker lady to wrap up the series, in it's current form the final episode felt anticlimatic since nothing much happened but it is what it is. We really should have gotten a "6 months later" with all the people she matched, although it seems like none of them are together anymore so maybe it would have been a bad look.

This how Indian Matchmaker always ends the season. A big fat nothing.

[Starlight925]

2 hours ago, Baltimore Betty said:

I met my husband on JDate, it was almost 20 years ago, I do not think I would have the same success today, dating has become a blood sport!

JDate 20 years ago....wow, blast from the past.  That was back when it really was fun.  Dialing up AOL to hear "You've Got Mail" after you left the room and came back, it took so long, to see that you had emails from nice Jewish guys.  You & your husband are a true success story!

I, too, am ethnically Ashkenazi but essentially non-practicing.  I'm single these days, but have always gravitated towards Jewish men.  I was even in a Jewish sorority in college, and my parent's Yiddish still comes out when speaking to my siblings, jokingly.  

Funny thing:  My dad would make up Yiddish-sounding words when he was mad, so as to not use true profanity.  It was the way he'd say these words, with clenched teeth, that made us clean our rooms, clear the table, do our homework.  It wasn't until I was much older that I realized these were dad's made-up words, lol.

I, too, wish Aleeza had been more frank with the Ori's of the world:  Dude, I'm sorry, but blond, blue-eyed, Hebrew-speaking, model lookalike is just not going to happen.  At least from me.  So let's either get realistic, or you best get to swipin' dem apps.

Edited May 10, 2023 by Starlight925