S03.E04: Meet Your Exes

[Door County Cherry]

Quote

The couples settle into real-life time together in Malibu and finally meet each other at cocktail night, where old feelings cause a few new bumps. 

[ElsbethTascioni]

Bartise is an ass. Nancy deserves better. She also looks a million times better without all that makeup. SK seems so grounded and reasonable. Raven is definitely not into him at all. Matt seems high AF all the time. Colleen seems very immature. Cole is annoying, but seems sincere. Zanab is putting those walls up, and self-sabotaging. Brennon is uptight AF. Alexa needs to run, from one sweary Israeli to another, there's no way in hell his family is OK with her being Jewish. She doesn't need to let her light be dimmed by some wonder bread flavored man.

[NeenerNeener]

Cole has a competitive streak, and Zanab doesn't, Raven's not into SK at all, Colleen is attracted to Cole, Bartise is attracted to Raven....I'm not seeing any of these folks still being together next year. 

And these were the couples they based season 3 on? How bad or boring are the ones we didn't get to see?

Edited October 20, 2022 by NeenerNeener

[DearEvette]

Damn, Bartise.  In Vino Veritas.  He regrets cutting Raven off so quickly and has the nerve to tell his frickin' fiance that Raven is a 'smoke show.'  Who does that?

Raven just wants to work out with SK.  LOL.  Poor guy.  He seems so nice and grounded. 

Cole is like a cross between Barnett and Shayne.  His and Zainab's dynamic at this point is reminding me so much of Shayne and Natalie at the same point.  And now he wants Colleen. 

Matt is sprung.  I am not getting the same vibes from Colleen.

I am still liking Alexa and Brennon for each other.

But overall... yeah, these people are just a train wreck.  And not even an enjoyable one.

[NeenerNeener]

2 hours ago, DearEvette said:

Damn, Bartise.  In Vino Veritas.  He regrets cutting Raven off so quickly and has the nerve to tell his frickin' fiance that Raven is a 'smoke show.'  Who does that?

Yeah, I'm getting Jarrett/Iyanna/Mallory vibes from Bartise/Nancy/Raven.

Edited October 20, 2022 by NeenerNeener

[jenrising]

When Bartise was going on and on about how hot Raven was and how excited he was to see her while in bed with Nancy, all I could think was "this is the 25-year-old part"

[snarts]

33 minutes ago, jenrising said:

When Bartise was going on and on about how hot Raven was and how excited he was to see her while in bed with Nancy, all I could think was "this is the 25-year-old part"

I was thinking, "Run Nancy, Run"  It was gut-wrenching to watch her face fall. Bartise is a tool.

[Starlight925]

So disappointed in Bartise.  The second his eyes hit Raven, it was...Nancy who?  

And to add insult to injury, he asks her to move to the other side of the bed as a "demonstration", which was his body language way of physically separating from Nancy so as to gush over what a "smoke show" Raven is.

Nancy then has to sit several feet apart from this guy who keeps telling her how much he loves her, but is salivating over his other choice.

He's male Raven.  They both are the attention-getters, they both are the ones that people gravitate towards in crowds.  This tells me why he chose Nancy, as he "needs" to be the light in the relationship.  

He "needs" to be the one to get attention.  Nancy had said that she often felt she wasn't the prettiest in the room, and Bartise used her insecurities, as he chose her, using all the right language, the charm, the emotion.

I initially fell for Bartise's "maturity".  I felt like, well this guy has an "old soul", such insight for a 25 year-old. 

Sorry, but I'm sensing narcissist.  

Edited October 23, 2022 by Starlight925

[Empress1]

On 10/22/2022 at 7:53 AM, snarts said:

It was gut-wrenching to watch her face fall.

It really was. And he just threw her in it - she wanted him to say, as she said, that when he saw the other women he realized how happy he was with his choice and he just blurted out how hot Raven is. AT LENGTH. I think @Starlight925 is right that he needs to be “the hot one” (and Nancy is very attractive but she’s not the hardbody type he typically goes for), and I suspect he wants to be catered to, and Raven isn’t the catering-to type. Nancy seems to be: she’s in a helping profession, she was feeding him, etc.

[ally8620000]

I think raven isn't this just to become a fitness influence or something. She has no interest in SK..

I was also pissed when Bartise was talking about how hot Raven is and they just kept cutting to Nancy eating. That was a really shitty edit.

[Ms Blue Jay]

5 hours ago, Starlight925 said:

I initially fell for Bartise's "maturity".  I felt like, well this guy has an "old soul", such insight for a 25 year-old. 

Really?  I'm so shocked by the positive comments over Bartise.  The man got a bunch of cash to spread around Raven's room right before he dumped her, as a way of saying, I see you as a stripper and not good enough for me.  He made fun of her for being a sex worker or something equivalent and then told her he wanted another woman.  He added insult to injury.

I think Bartise is empty headed scum.  He is an asshole. I was done with him in that moment.

Edited October 23, 2022 by Ms Blue Jay

[Starlight925]

1 hour ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

Really?  I'm so shocked by the positive comments over Bartise.  The man got a bunch of cash to spread around Raven's room right before he dumped her, as a way of saying, I see you as a stripper and not good enough for me.  He made fun of her for being a sex worker or something equivalent and then told her he wanted another woman.  He added insult to injury.

I think Bartise is empty headed scum.  He is an asshole. I was done with him in that moment.

LOL in the rest of my post, I basically trashed Bartise.  I believe I ended with calling him a narcissist.

My point was, initially, he put on this charm, this persona, this "old soul" wonderful guy that drew Nancy in.  And yes, it drew me in, too.  Kudos to you or anyone else who saw through him right from the start.  I'm still working on my a-hole radar, lol.

Until that "exes" party, where he made the comments about Raven, to Nancy, physically pushing Nancy away in the process.

I agree with your last sentence:  I agree that he's an empty headed scum.  I'll go one further:  Narcissistic Personality.

Here's my Bartisse prediction: 

    Like any good narcissist, watching Nancy's face drop was fuel for Bartisse.  She may cry.  He'll then comfort her, tell her how beautiful she is, engage in another night of all-night sex, and then flirt with Raven.  

He will excuse the flirting as just "catching up" and make Nancy question why she ever doubted him.

Nancy's face will fall again, Bartisse's fuel tank will be filled again, Nancy will cry, Bartisse:  you're so beautiful blah blah blah, until Nancy finally walks out.

Edited October 23, 2022 by Starlight925

[Ms Blue Jay]

Sorry, I think I'm just really frustrated with Bartise's attitude and it came off too strong :)  I get what you're saying.

[marny]

On 10/20/2022 at 9:58 AM, ElsbethTascioni said:

 Brennon is uptight AF. Alexa needs to run, from one sweary Israeli to another, there's no way in hell his family is OK with her being Jewish. She doesn't need to let her light be dimmed by some wonder bread flavored man.

Yep, that culture clash is going to be way to much for Brennon. If she isn't willing to celebrate Christmas, they're done.

[thejuicer]

I don't really understand what Bartise is saying with how he and Raven "are the ones that people go to" somehow alluding to the fact that they're the hottest so naturally they should be together. Um first of all, is that how love works? Secondly all of them are above average in terms of general physical looks. Tell me why he thinks he's so much better looking than SK? 

[Empress1]

25 minutes ago, thejuicer said:

I don't really understand what Bartise is saying with how he and Raven "are the ones that people go to" somehow alluding to the fact that they're the hottest so naturally they should be together. Um first of all, is that how love works? Secondly all of them are above average in terms of general physical looks. Tell me why he thinks he's so much better looking than SK? 

I think he thinks he’s both hot and charismatic, and ditto Raven. There are some people who naturally draw people in, not necessarily because they’re attractive but because they’re charming. Raven does not seem particularly charming, however.

[thejuicer]

47 minutes ago, Empress1 said:

Raven does not seem particularly charming, however.

Neither does Bartise, at least to me. When you have to go and announce to others why you're better than everyone else it just seems like you're overcompensating for lack of something else. 

[EdnasEdibles]

1 hour ago, thejuicer said:

Neither does Bartise, at least to me. When you have to go and announce to others why you're better than everyone else it just seems like you're overcompensating for lack of something else. 

Maybe it's because I'm 46 and they're all essentially children to me but Bartise doesn't even seem hot to me. He's got a weird Kid n Play haircut and his face isn't even that cute. I guess his body is good? I mean, Raven is physically very pretty. I can agree with that but her personality is terrible and I'm so tired of hearing her talk about pilates. But I'll at least agree that she's pretty. But in no way would those two people that I would go to in a room. 

[DearEvette]

It is so funny because my first impression of Bartise (besides being wholly distracted by his terrible hair) was that he was simply a high energy puppy.  He seemed nice enough but he hit me kinda like Colleen where he seemed hyper aware he needed to make a good impression right away to get a match, so he was trying very hard.  Whereas in her, it came off as desperate,  in him it came off as just as a super high charm offensive.  Until he said that about Raven and crushed Nancy, I was generally ok with Bartise.  I don't really like any of this crew  except maybe Alexa and Brennon at this point, but he was ok up to that point.

Since I wasn't love-loving this group, I went back and watched Ep1 of S1 and S2 to contrast why.  And it is interesting, there is a definite formula.

1- The first long date Netlfix highlights is between the two people who will eventually make it to the altar.  In S1 the first long date (and by that I mean we spend time a fair amount of screen time with the couple on their date, not just a quick cut) we get for Cam is with Lauren, for Jessica is with Mark, for Barnett is with Amber.  Same deal with S2, the Jarette's first long date is with Iyanna, Nick's is with Danielle and so, on. In this one, Bartise's first date is with Nancy, Cole's is with Zainab and Brennon's is with Alexa.

2- The only slight variation to this is when they set up the important triangles.  Right after Amber and Barnette's first long date we go into along date with Jessica and Barnette. After  Iyanna and Jarette's first date we go to a quick date with Jarette and Mallory and from there we get an intro/talking head with Mallory who then goes on her first long date with Sal.  Right after Shayne and Natalie's first long date we go into a quick date with Shayne and Shaina, we get a talking head with Shaina  and from there we get a Shaina and Kyle. long date And of course this season we go straight from Bartise and Nancy's first date to a Bartise and Raven date.  And then we get A Raven talking head, and then a long Raven and SK date.

3- The only deviation from any of that is Colleen.  We get a long Colleen date with Brennon, and then a second date where he tells her he likes someone else.  And then we get a quick Colleen date with Cole and then a second longer date with Cole which goes badly and he tells her he's not feeling her.  We don't get a Colleen and Matt date til the second episode.  It is an outlier and kinda emphasizes that he might not have been her first choice.

Colleen and Matt are interesting because for all that she seemed into Brennon and Cole, she seems content with Matt.  At least she isn't doing a Jessica/Jarette/Bartise, for instance and casting big eyes at Cole.  I also forgot how transparent Jarette and Mallory were to Sal, he was miserable at that party because he watched them together.

Also interesting is that during the couples meet up party is the 'hey did you guys have sex your first night here' conversations were so similar.  Deepti, Jessica and SK were all remarkably similar in their wording when trying to explain why they didn't sleep with their partner, even down to the same body language.   Also, Cole/Zainab are Shayne/Natalie.  Both couples had the exact same vibe during the meet the other couples party. 

Also watching back that meet up episode,  I remember thinking Shayne and Natalie were fun together.  Sigh.

[Irlandesa]

56 minutes ago, DearEvette said:

Deepti, Jessica and SK were all remarkably similar in their wording when trying to explain why they didn't sleep with their partner, even down to the same body language.   Also, Cole/Zainab are Shayne/Natalie.  Both couples had the exact same vibe during the meet the other couples party. 

Did they do the "and we did it 3/4/5 times?" in previous seasons.  Because that felt kind of new. So many people were wearing crosses or declaring themselves Christians only to turn around at this party and be like: 

[EdnasEdibles]

6 minutes ago, Irlandesa said:

Did they do the "and we did it 3/4/5 times?" in previous seasons.  Because that felt kind of new. So many people were wearing crosses or declaring themselves Christians only to turn around at this party and be like: 

And I just think that's so tacky to be talking about sex with your future spouse like that with people "We had sex THREE times" and "oh yeah? We did it FOUR times. No wait, FIVE. I forgot about the one!" Are you guys OK? 

I mean, I remember back in the day being in college or late high school and there was an immaturity where people would share sex stories and intimate details and then we hit our 20s and grew up and started dating the people who would become our spouses and we stopped. It just seemed really disrespectful to be talking about your intimate sexual relationship with your fiancé like this. 

It's one thing to chat with a friend and be like "Hey, I have a question?" or "Does this ever happen with you and your husband?" but if someone came at me with "I had sex with my fiance FIVE TIMES last night" I'd be like "OK, congrats? I guess?" 

[Irlandesa]

19 minutes ago, EdnasEdibles said:

"We had sex THREE times" and "oh yeah? We did it FOUR times. No wait, FIVE. I forgot about the one!" Are you guys OK? 

I don't care if it's a girlfriend/boyfriend or future spouse.  It's very immature and "beginner" behavior (reads high school) and I wanted to tell them to act like they've been there because we know they're not virgins--they would have told us if they were.  There's a way to say you had a "good time" without giving out the times of the night and day they had sex. 

Edited October 24, 2022 by Irlandesa

[DearEvette]

29 minutes ago, Irlandesa said:

Did they do the "and we did it 3/4/5 times?" in previous seasons.  Because that felt kind of new. So many people were wearing crosses or declaring themselves Christians only to turn around at this party and be like: 

No.  This group was extra about that.  S1 group, I think only Amber talked about number of times.  Damien was kinda braggy, he couldn't wait to tell everyone he boned Gia.  Everyone else was just coy and giggly.  Cameron, such a gentleman, said nothing.  Poor Mark drank nervously. 

S2 group were the same, just kinda laughing and giving waggly eyebrows.  Shake, otoh, was the opposite of Damien. He made it a  point to tell the guys how he had NO sexual attraction to Deepti.

This is the only group that felt the need to quantify.

[Ms Blue Jay]

7 hours ago, thejuicer said:

I don't really understand what Bartise is saying with how he and Raven "are the ones that people go to" somehow alluding to the fact that they're the hottest so naturally they should be together. Um first of all, is that how love works? Secondly all of them are above average in terms of general physical looks. Tell me why he thinks he's so much better looking than SK? 

He thinks that he and Raven are the kind of people who stand out in a room.  It's just his code for "I find this person the most physically attractive" and he is also talking about himself. 🙄 Give me a break 🙄

He is really just shallow.

Honestly, I do find Raven cool and sexy looking, but this stuff is subjective.  As soon as Bartise opened his mouth I would be moving away from him.

It's funny how the guys on this show are so shallow, like Bartise saying he couldn't even concentrate on Nancy from the neck up. 🙄 Why even go on a show like this.  

I thought the guys would go crazy for Nancy because of her looks, guess I was wrong.... so far.  

Edited October 24, 2022 by Ms Blue Jay

[Empress1]

15 hours ago, DearEvette said:

S1 group, I think only Amber talked about number of times. 

And I remember thinking that was tacky. She was also the one talking about having loud sex when it was revealed that the couples would all be in the same apartment building, and it came across to me as immature.

15 hours ago, DearEvette said:

Damien was kinda braggy, he couldn't wait to tell everyone he boned Gia.

And then Gia turned around and told him that while she may have been his best, he was not her best. Ouch!

14 hours ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

It's funny how the guys on this show are so shallow, like Bartise saying he couldn't even concentrate on Nancy from the neck up. 🙄 Why even go on a show like this.  

Nancy said that, and she’s totally right. She was like, if your taste is that specific, this is not the right show for you. And she’s right. If you have a strict “type,” you need to be out meeting people IRL. Get on the apps where you can rule people out by looks immediately if it’s that important.

[Crazydoxielady]

My husband walked in the room, saw Raven, and said "Man what a stuck up butta face."

She can work out till the cows come home. Her personality is stank, and her face aint all that. The show should have vetted her better, she is on this for fame only.

[oldCJ]

These men’s idea of whether sex was good is so typical and sad. The number of times they got off was the sole calculation. To stand around talking about how many times you scored with your fiancee on a tv show... Gross. Whether the women enjoyed themselves was totally irrelevant. I think it would come as quite a shock to these men that what they think is brag-worthy was probably not earth-shattering for the women. Not that the women didn’t necessarily enjoy it but not a single guy there bragged about satisfying his partner multiple times which is actually a more impressive metric. Although keeping the whole what we did behind closed doors to themselves would have been the best choice. 

Maybe Zainab is cranky not just because Cole is an immature selfish asshole but because five  dry times gave her a uti. She spent a lot of time trying to justify their relationship as more than a one-night stand which I think means that, even though she hates him, she is going to stick it out longer so she doesn’t look like she sleeps around. Because while god is all for men getting lots of babes biblically, god frowns on the ladies who do so, having them stoned to death and what-not.

I felt so bad for Nancy sitting there drunk and full of bacon-covered scallops and sliders listening to Bartiste go on about Raven being a smokeshow. At least he didn’t hide his feelings only for an ugly reveal at the wedding. She can dump him and move on. 

SK, why are you with Raven? She is not attracted to you and doesn’t like you and she isn’t even hiding that. 

[Mrs.Monkey]

These women are all so much prettier without all that makeup. I was really struck when Zaynab was putting on her makeup and there was SO MUCH contour and SO MUCH makeup. They're at a resort, outside, in the water. Why do they need all of that?

[Kdawg82]

Just here to say Cole is a gaslighting piece of sh**. He is also likely angry because he's closeted and struggles to remain so. 

[pH-factor]

I thought I was a prude being cringed out by the  men going on so chest pounding about their sexual exploits.  Are they in a  high  school  locker room!  Blerg. But turn around and Alexa was being even more  TMI. So romantic. NOT!!!

[Blakeston]

I am so damn sick of hearing the contestants say things like, "It's taking some time for me to connect this physical person with the voice from the pods." Every single time I've heard it, it's clearly been a code for "This person is not as attractive as I imagined/hoped they would be."

Zanab is lovely, but I think Cole made an assumption that because she's a flight attendant, that meant that she'd look like a Middle Eastern barbie doll. And Bartise clearly has an extremely narrow idea of physical attractiveness, too.

I have to wonder if maybe Brennon doesn't do much for Alexa, physically. People were wondering how he would react to her size, but maybe he's too skinny to be her type?

Speaking of physical attractiveness, I bet it's killing Bartise that so many people on social media are talking negatively about his hair, and mocking him for thinking he's so gorgeous. He gets zero sympathy from me.

[pH-factor]

He should be mocked for that hair. He claims to be the one people are attracted to at parties etc. really?  Maybe, just coming by to see if there are birds nesting in that mess on top of his head. I would  have thought he'd get it fixed for his wedding!

[Lindz]

Bartise & Raven are so overreacted!!! They work so hard on their bodies cuz their face & hair ain't it! I mean. FIX YOUR HAIR!!!! That's the trouble with all of them meeting up & seeing what they didn't choose, they start reconsidering...

[Chicago Redshirt]

On 10/24/2022 at 9:52 AM, thejuicer said:

I don't really understand what Bartise is saying with how he and Raven "are the ones that people go to" somehow alluding to the fact that they're the hottest so naturally they should be together. Um first of all, is that how love works? Secondly all of them are above average in terms of general physical looks. Tell me why he thinks he's so much better looking than SK? 

I'd guess that Bartise thinks as light-skinned black folks, he and Raven are extra-extra attractive. I suspect that there is some internal colorism operating that in his mind would make him more attractive than SK, and that would make Raven more attractive than Nancy even if Nancy did have the exact same hardbody as Raven.