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S02.E20: What Is And What Should Never Be


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After Dean is attacked by a djinn, he wakes up in a world where he is no longer a hunter.

 

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I think this episode is pretty much tied with In My Time Of Dying as far as being an almost perfect episode of Supernatural. That's not to say that these are my absolute favorites and/or that I enjoy re-watching them the most, just that it feels like everyone was on their game with these two episodes--writing, directing, acting...everyone. I also should preface this with the disclaimer that I'm a total sucker for almost all alternate universe episodes of almost any show (I did say almost, right...I seem to recall an almost unwatchable episode of Roswell that I probably shouldn't even mention.)

 

Anyhoo, I'm rather fond of Samantha Smith, plus she and Jensen have great chemistry. Speaking of acting...Jensen really knocks it out of the park in this episode. The way he becomes that 4-year-old kid in his mother's presence is masterful. And Jared played alterna-Sam's innocence and preppy college boy so well. But seriously, all the little things Jensen does throughout this episode draw me in and keep me glued to the screen. The way every time Mary touches him he closes his eyes and leans in like he never wants it to end. The looks he gives Sam and Jessica during that dinner scene--he's just so happy everyone else is happy. Well played Mr. Ackles, well played.

 

I also love how they revisited certain earlier scenes but put different twists on them to show how they weren't the same people here. I especially like the whole car exchange between Sam and Dean ending with Dean calling Sam a bitch and Sam's "what are you calling me a bitch for?". And Dean simply grabbing Sam's phone and tossing it out the window. Perfect.

 

My only grumblings about this episode is, first Kripke's commentary on the DVD annoys me and second I think they have it placed out of order for dealing with Dean's grief over losing Dad. As to the first grumble...Kripke's very excited and gracious and flattering to the cast and crew on the commentary--which is nice--but he also spouts on about how this story shows that Dean would be a loser without hunting and this IS how their lives would have been if their mother had never been torched on the ceiling. The whole thing had me thinking that he not only didn't understand who Dean was, but also didn't seem to really understand this episode in which he directed. This isn't how Dean would necessarily be without hunting, but how Dean thinks things would go since the whole wishverse is of Dean's own making. This is how Dean sees himself and how he thinks the world sees him. Dean thinks that without hunting he and Sam wouldn't have this relationship, not that this would necessarily be how things turned out if their lives had been different. I thought the point of this episode was that whole "be careful what you wish for" situation. Even though his mother is alive, he doesn't have Sam or his Dad so not really what he wanted either. And I would argue that Dean himself wasn't happy in that universe, but simply because everyone else was happy he wanted to stay. I'm with Sam on this one though, I'm glad he dug himself out and even though his current life sucks, I think it's better than a false one--which is also why I agree with Dean's opinions on Heaven (but that's a discussion better suited for when we get there.)

 

My other grumbling probably doesn't need any further explanation since I already spouted on about it earlier, but I think this episode would have served the story better if it had been after Croatoan. That would have put it in a position to deal with Dean's grief and his accepting his father's death and his own life better. But that's not a problem with the episode proper, just a problem when viewing the season at large.

 

Anyway, I really love this episode even if I don't re-watch it too often; I'd rather keep it shiny and special like I do with In My Time Of Dying.

 

 

 

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The problem is that Krikpe didn't think it up until when it aired.  He wanted something special to direct which is made very clear in the commentary and it shows why other's had to point out that the brother's relationships was core to the show.  I don't think he gets that.

 

He just wanted to show the brother's not getting along so this ep is special due to the acting and tiny details and I think the writer did an excellent job.

 

I do watch this one often and it still stands out.  I think the one thing that is so sad is that no matter what world he lives in, he doesn't get to have both parents for long.  Yes, he's told his dad had a normal death, but for Dean he didn't get to experience growing up normal with Dad longer than 4 years so it always hits me as he can either have his mom or his dad but he can't have both. 

 

I disagree with Dean's saying yeah I can see I did that about Sam's prom date.  Dean might do some jerk things but usually it was to hide his feelings so people were distracted about what he was really thinking or feeling.  I don't know if I can state this clearly.

 

I don't see this one as Dean accepting his Dad's death.  I see him understanding that if he has a happy life, other's suffer and why does he have to be the hero, why can't someone else do it.  But his core belief won't allow other's to suffer so he takes it back by ending the fairytale life.  He had gained so much, someone to love, cause he liked his nurse wife, was she the wife or girlfriend, I don't remember, he had Sam happy and his Mom was alive and he got to enjoy that.  He thought he could get Sam to like him but then that girl keeps popping up to end it all.

 

It's such a bittersweet ep and for me this ep is tied with In my time of Dying.  It also shows that the best eps always have the best collaborations.  Hopefully that makes sense.

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I don't know, she did write this one and co-wrote Faith, but she also wrote Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things and Roadkill. I actually think she did better when she wrote with Gamble. Other than this episode, her episodes felt a little out of tone with the show to me. I think she wrote the words good, but maybe struggled with the genre and I think that she and Gamble both benefited from each other's strengths and weaknesses. It seems Gamble was better at the genre but I'm not sure that dialogue was her strong suit like it was for Tucker. I don't know, maybe I would feel differently if she had stayed, but didn't she go to work on True Blood? That's probably a better gig anyhow.

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I don't know, she did write this one and co-wrote Faith, but she also wrote Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things and Roadkill. I actually think she did better when she wrote with Gamble. Other than this episode, her episodes felt a little out of tone with the show to me. I think she wrote the words good, but maybe struggled with the genre and I think that she and Gamble both benefited from each other's strengths and weaknesses. 

Faith and this one are really top notch for me, so I really think they were good partners.  I wouldn't have minded to see what more she could have done, but I'm glad she was the writer for this one.  It is one of my top favorites for all seasons. 

 

Of course I'm probably not a good judge for this genre, since I'm not a fan of this genre.  I look for strong characters and interesting stories.  This one is that and I think it works because of the relationships are so interesting to contrast against the norm for this show.  Plus the monster is really interesting in this ep. 

 

Poor guy had to stay in the makeup until his job was over and people didn't want to serve him while he was wearing the makeup.  I forgot how many days he had to deal with that.  I'm sure people's reactions weren't fun to deal with.

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I loved this one too, for all of the reasons already stated, but for me it was the ending that really cinched it for me. And it's often why I don't generally get why the writers like to bounce Sam back and forth on the "normal life" thing. Maybe it's because as @7kstar said above - Kripke just doesn't get it. But it's clear here from the ending that it's not just Dean, but both brothers who think that family and their bond is important now. Sam comes out and says he's glad that he and Dean are close, and the implication there is - like Dean hinted at - since hunting is one of the things that brought them together and that a normal life likely wouldn't mean they would be as close, that Sam would rather have what they have now, despite the cost (which was huge) and all they've lost (which is a lot). And that, to me, was just as powerful a message of this episode as the one where Dean realizes that what he does must come at a cost and that he's willing to pay that price. Yeah, I loved that ending.

 

A few more details that I liked after watching this on rewatch. I liked the little touch where Dean holds on to the other girl who had been strung up, brokenly saying "I've got you now." Knowing what she represents - Dean's reason for coming back and not staying in his dream world - that was a powerful scene for me. Jared does a great job as Sam watching Dean and realizing that something deeper is going on there than just Dean rescuing a girl. I thought that the acting was well done all around on this one.

 

My one quibble perhaps was the scene where Dean visits John's grave. Something about that one scene didn't keep me in the moment as I hoped it would - and part of it might be the strange way it was shot with that one strange part as a voice-over while Dean said the rest out loud. Maybe it could've been more of both, or a little less coherent dialogue-wise and more stream of conscience (I still would've got the message).  But that's a minor quibble

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I think this episode is pretty much tied with In My Time Of Dying as far as being an almost perfect episode of Supernatural. That's not to say that these are my absolute favorites and/or that I enjoy re-watching them the most, just that it feels like everyone was on their game with these two episodes--writing, directing, acting...everyone. I also should preface this with the disclaimer that I'm a total sucker for almost all alternate universe episodes of almost any show (I did say almost, right...I seem to recall an almost unwatchable episode of Roswell that I probably shouldn't even mention.)

 

Anyhoo, I'm rather fond of Samantha Smith, plus she and Jensen have great chemistry. Speaking of acting...Jensen really knocks it out of the park in this episode. The way he becomes that 4-year-old kid in his mother's presence is masterful. And Jared played alterna-Sam's innocence and preppy college boy so well. But seriously, all the little things Jensen does throughout this episode draw me in and keep me glued to the screen. The way every time Mary touches him he closes his eyes and leans in like he never wants it to end. The looks he gives Sam and Jessica during that dinner scene--he's just so happy everyone else is happy. Well played Mr. Ackles, well played.Love it.

Yes! Agree so much. Jensen just kills me, and I can't casually watch this episode because I can't tear my eyes away from watching his every nuanced reaction. The moments with Mary are most notable, and it's heartbreaking. Very well played.

 

I also love how they revisited certain earlier scenes but put different twists on them to show how they weren't the same people here. I especially like the whole car exchange between Sam and Dean ending with Dean calling Sam a bitch and Sam's "what are you calling me a bitch for?". And Dean simply grabbing Sam's phone and tossing it out the window. Perfect.

I don't know how, after so many viewings of this ep, that I still crack up when Sam joins Dean in the car. The whole bitch/jerk thing is one of my faves for the boys, so to see it not work here because the history and brotherly relationship is non existent... So telling and so well done.

Re shooting their first scene from the Pilot was also brilliant. Dean taking down 'wimpy' Sam so easily was funny.

 

 

My other grumbling probably doesn't need any further explanation since I already spouted on about it earlier, but I think this episode would have served the story better if it had been after Croatoan. That would have put it in a position to deal with Dean's grief and his accepting his father's death and his own life better. But that's not a problem with the episode proper, just a problem when viewing the season at large.

While I agree that it would have done well earlier in the season, I think the next two episodes wouldn't have worked as well without this one being right before. We needed to see Dean dealing with this loss, the loss of a wish or dream, the loss of a life that could have been, loss of hope because he is pushed

to cross a line with Sam's death in the next episode and I don't think that would have played as well without What Is....

.

Timeless and great episode.

  • Love 1
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I was watching this episode last night--one of my very favorites, BTW--and then had a weird dream about it. This show, I tell ya. 

 

Anyhoo, such a great look inside Dean's head and how he views himself within this family unit. It's so interesting to me how Dean assumes Sam would've still went off to college--Stanford, not less--met Jessica and everything turn out happy for Sam because their mom never died. Dean would never consider that, without their mom dying and their dad dragging them around the country hunting things, Sam may have never been motivated to get the grades and get the free ride to college to escape the hunting life. Sam could've just as easily ended up living in their mom's basement or something without that drive to try and find some control over his own life and be "normal". 

 

I also think it's just perfect that even though it's not what Dean really wants, he wants to stay just to see everyone else happy. And, of course Dean would feel like it's his fault Sam wouldn't get those things, even in a fantasy, because he had to go hunt the Djinn and end that fantasy. I just think this episode informs who Dean is at his core in so many ways. The guilt, the wanting everyone around him to be happy and his whole drive to help people. It might be interesting to have Dean put in a Djinn-induced wishverse now just to see how differently he might view Sam and himself given the years of revelations to come.

 

Anyway, how this episode came off so well given Kripke's commentary of how he and the writers saw this episode I'll never know. At least Kripke's enthusiasm is still infectious, though.

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Because it can't be said too many times - Jensen is so, so pretty in this episode.

Also, the scene in the car between Sam and Dean after Dean decides he needs to go kill the Jinn is awesome. Sam is so confused, and Dean is so Dean.

"Bitch."

"What are you calling me a bitch for?"

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16 minutes ago, bethy said:

Because it can't be said too many times - Jensen is so, so pretty in this episode.

And his performance is remarkable. Honestly, this is the episode that totally made me a Jensen fan.I was 100% sold on his ability to play anything. The scene when Dean says "I'm sorry" right before he stabs himself, punches me in the face, gut and heart and not a word of a lie, I cry EVERY time even though I've seen this episode an unhealthy number of times so it's not like I don't know it's coming. Just incredible work from Jensen throughout.

Jared did a great job of this rather cold version of Sam. Not in a bad way but just that he's clearly detached from and doesn't like Dean.

I could never quite figure out if this is what Dean really thought of himself as far being a mechanic but being a jerk to Sam in high school or just the djinn making stuff up that is based on something in Dean's memory. Like maybe there was some girl in some school they met that Dean thought was hot but who Sam liked but he never actually got with her and the djinn amped it up to Dean having done that to Sam in high school when it didn't actually happen.

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I will need to go back and rewatch this one. And some others. Just saw where someone mentioned that a handful of people were rewatching the early seasons, so I came over to see. Have a bit of free time this week and haven't seen any SPN since the season ended, which has felt a bit weird given that I had only started watching it for the first time in November so had been inhaling at least a couple of episodes almost every day. And I'm really not a TV watcher to start with, so it's not as though something else has taken its place.

I do recall really liking this episode the first time around. so it will be a god one to revisit. 

Even though the shape-shifter episode also got a bunch of really good comments, those have always made me really uncomfortable...The stress of thinking you are dealing with an ally only to find it's a monster in disguise is one of the most frightening scenarios going to my mind, and gets my stomach to churning such that I can't even enjoy it. And while the whole Djinn premise is a little bit related to that, it's overall a calmer episode, and I'm a real wimp! LOL

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This is where we are in our re watch.  This is episode makes me cry every time.  Jensen is just so amazing.  The wonder seeing his mom, talking to his dad at the cemetery and tell his family he's sorry right before he stabs himself.  Ugh, ugly cry right before bedtime.

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I think that this episode, along with Devil's Trap and IMTOD, are the three most compelling episodes that this show has ever produced. I remember seeing all of them for the first time and falling further in love with the show every single time. This episode was so beautifully shot, like so many of the early season episodes, but this one was Kripke's directorial debut and I remember from the commentary on it, how picky he was about everything concerned with it. Raelle Tucker finally had to call him on it and it's not surprising to me that it was her script that he went with and it's also not surprising that this episode of Supernatural won her the Constellation Award for Best Writing that year.

No episode details the Winchester Family dynamic and saga in such a tragically beautiful and subtle way, as these three epsiodes, IMO, with WIaWSNB being the most beautiful and subtle of that trio for me. I remember feeling that I'd never seen a television program that felt more like an original on-screen book to me after watching this episode with Dean becoming a character that I actually thought of in many of my waking moments as I went about my day.

This episode was one of the best things that I've ever experienced. It will always hold a special place in my heart for the graveyard scene and, of course, for that last scene and Dean's altogether gut-wrenching "I'm sorry..." just before he plunges the knife into his own body. I also love the one shot of Dean coming out of that ink black background right after he'd killed the djinn and just before he sees the young girl. An iconic image for this show, IMO; like a few others from the first two seasons(Dean coming out of the water with Lucas in DitW and his blood-spattered face after beheading the vamp in Bloodlust and the halo shot of Dean at the very end of that one, also) that I still wait for and look for every time I re-watch any of those episodes. Every single time.

Everything about WIaWSNB, from the writing, directing, cinematography, and especially the acting, elevated this show to it's absolute zenith, IMO.

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This episode and the last few are some of the best of the series.  Jensen's acting in this one is just phenomenal. If you didn't love this series you would after the last few and this one. Love, Love, Love.

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I watched with commentary and almost regret it because it takes the focus away from the beauty that is Jensen Ackles' performance in this episode. But it's amazing and beautiful and has Jess and Mary and a likable girl for Dean. It's just good. And it also taught me the old wives' tale about waking up when you're about to die in a dream because I'd always done that despite constantly hearing the opposite so I was happy to feel validated.

So pretty. So pretty.

A basic monster hunt and rescue that just revealed so much. And my boys are such heroes.

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12 hours ago, bettername2come said:

And it also taught me the old wives' tale about waking up when you're about to die in a dream because I'd always done that despite constantly hearing the opposite so I was happy to feel validated.

Eep.  True story: I had a dream that I died when I was 14.  And I was dead, dead, dead - looked down on my dead body and all.  Let's just say that's been quite a while ago.  :)  (My friends sure did freak out when I told them.  Lol.)

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On ‎9‎/‎11‎/‎2017 at 0:49 PM, sarthaz said:

I love this episode, but I think they go overboard showing how bad Dean is at domesticated life.  He's mowing the yard without a blade.  Come on, Dean!

I'm with Dean.  I've never mowed a lawn in my life.

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(edited)
On 5/4/2016 at 1:41 PM, bethy said:

Because it can't be said too many times - Jensen is so, so pretty in this episode.

 

yes he is, but i hold a small grude against this episode because they used too much makeup on dean. it was obvious because his tiny freckles were covered, which i noticed he had in the first ep of S2. i find them a cute flaw on his otherwise perfect, unblemished face. 

On 9/11/2017 at 12:49 PM, sarthaz said:

I love this episode, but I think they go overboard showing how bad Dean is at domesticated life.  He's mowing the yard without a blade.  Come on, Dean!

no, in fact i predicted this of dean in S1. remember in the S1 part 1 finale, when john said he wanted sam to go to college and for dean to have a family? dean is a really traditional guy deep down, that's what i like about him.

--------

this episode was a delight to watch! jensen's boosted up in his talent, which as nice to see. when dean went straight to his mother's house and stayed over, i thought poor cameron, he promised he would follow her to bed and then disappeared to spend the night at his mother's house! 

my favourite parts are when dean crashed into jessica, overjoyed to see her, and when he was grinning looking at her kiss his brother at the restaurant. i really liked that.

i'm also more grateful i grew up poor and didn't have a life outside my family, so we are close. looking at how distant sam and dean were made sense and would have made them average middle class siblings since they would have no need to be as tight knit as they are now. they would have went to school, had different friends, etc. looking at that, it made me think if i would have been like that with my family if we were "normal".

one problem i had with this episode is about carmen. wasn't cassie his first love, and didn't he want to go back to her even though they both knew that wasn't going to happen? i get that his wish wasn't perfect (his dad was dead, he wasn't on terms with sam) but it wouldn't have killed the writers to put cassie in it. plus he and us (the audience) had no idea who carmen is in the first place so him being separated from her wasn't the same as if cassie was there. if she was there, that would make him really want to stay, and we would understand him a lot more because we know how much he feels for her. i mean even if the actress wasn't available they could have just used another woman.

the other thing i didn't like was when dean had to save sam. the dude was half dead! and sam has been proven to be just as a capable of a hunter as dean, it's just not frequently shown. this would have been perfect for sam to fight and kill the jinn.  if i was jensen i would refuse to play my roll and give it to sam. it's wonderful to see dean save his bro but i want to see some action by sam. the last time dean was saved by sam was hunted. 

Edited by Iju
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No surprise that I love the writing on this: Raelle Tucker. And as noted above, all of the acting is impressive. This is only the second time I've watched this episode, and I think the re-watch is more powerful for having a better grasp on how these characters develop over time. 

I think Dean is happy here, maybe mostly because Sam, Jessica, and his mom are happy. But he followed in his father's footsteps, pre-demon, to working in a garage. He has a "respectable" (haha) GF who seems to get him, and who is very loving towards him. He has a home. He can see his mom whenever he wants. And, had this been real and not a dream, he could have rebuilt a relationship with Sam outside of hunting.

The scene that breaks my heart is when the dream!Sam breaks character and tells Dean he doesn't have to ruin it, he can stay. It kills me in ways that the appeals from Mary (in whom I'm not all that invested), Jessica (miss you from FNL, Tyra!), and GF don't even touch. It's a betrayal of so many aspects of the brothers' relationship IRL as well as the possibility for dream life. And it hits Dean so hard that HE apologizes. Lord, the weight this character carries.

This was the first episode, on initial watch, that made me think I might be a DeanGirl. I actively worked to shake that off because my overall viewing experience is less meaningful  when I over-identify with a character. But as the elder sibling, who carried some sh*t for my younger, I so identified with Dean. There's something so noble about him, flawed with the prom-date kind of nonsense, but even that is tempered with good-humored ownership of his shortcomings. Gah, I so wish this type of episode, this deeper exploration, existed throughout the series run. 

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On 9/15/2018 at 12:12 PM, Zipper said:

This is only the second time I've watched this episode, and I think the re-watch is more powerful for having a better grasp on how these characters develop over time. 

IA. This episode is timeless and I miss Raelle Tucker's writing so much. This one was her crowning glory on this show, IMO-possibly my favorite episode of the entire series-although I see-saw between this one and Devil's Trap/In My Time of  Dying(which I always have to re-watch together, so I think of them as one).

Season 2 gave us some great exploration of Dean. I only wish that the writers of this show had taken that exploration further as the series went on. When we see all  that Dean had gone through as a child, his strength of will and determination to live and continue on in the family business of saving people and hunting things(in that order) as an adult, just becomes that much more admirable. 

I love best those episodes in which these attributes of Dean's are showcased. And these are the qualities that make him a natural leader, IMO. His ability to somehow overcome every horrific thing that has happened to him since he was a child of 4; to carry on in the face of impossible odds and in spite of the naysayers he sometimes encounters-and even and especially when those whom he holds nearest and dearest to his heart, are amongst the naysayers, too.

I can't even pick a favorite scene from this episode because they're all my favorites. And the MOTW was creepy as hell, too.

Whenever I want to show someone an example of what this show is all about, I start with this one; and I have three friends who became just as invested in the show as I am because of this episode.

What Is and What Should Never Be is one of the finest episodes of television that I have ever watched and I've re-watched it too many times to count and still feel the same way-a True Classic in every sense of those two words for me.

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Ugh, I quoted some stuff and it messed up. I thought this was a really good episode. Dean is a boy of a pessimist in a burned one too many times way and I think the world he wished into existence reflected it. As someone who went through hell to get pregnant, I was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop and I recognize the same thing in Dean. I think his relationship in this reality represents a fear that Sam only shares the hunt with Dean and maybe some residual feelings from when Sam was in school and not hunting. There was also this deep desire to see Sam happy. Sam is an idealized version of himself in an idealized version of a relationship. Dean has this very paternal, protective big brother relationship with Sam and I think his temptation to stay so a version of Sam could be happy was heartbreaking and sweet.

The interpretation of the Djinn was really interesting. He does grant your wish but there is a catch in an interesting way. There was something really neat about the way the monster tried to grant its victim's dying wish, basically. 

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I was just discussing individualism vs collectivism in another forum and brought up this ep. It occurred to me while I was writing that the scene of Dean at John's grave is almost definitely an allusion to Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. For those who haven't read it, Gethsemane is Jesus's last moment as a free man before he goes to be sacrificed for humanity. He goes to talk to God (his absent father) privately and asks if it's possible to avoid having to do what he's about to do. He comes to the conclusion that it isn't, submits to his father's will, and goes out to die. Dean does a similar thing here - he asks why he and his family are the ones who need to give up their happiness, he acknowledges that he knows his father would say his life is nothing in comparison to all the people he saved, and ultimately acquiesces to returning to his life of sacrifice (and, though he doesn't know it yet, the biggest sacrifice he's been asked to make yet, two episodes later). 

Just an interesting comparison that I don't think I caught the first time, but I'm almost positive that it was intentional. 

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This is my favorite episode of the series. My heart breaks for Dean - he finally has at least some of what he's always wanted and then discovers that it is an alternate reality. TVLine listed the top 15 alternate reality episodes and WIAWSNB comes in at #4 in their opinion. I would have ranked it as #1.

I have yet to be able to watch Dean "talking" to his father in the graveyard or telling his family that he cannot stay in the warehouse, without at least a tear in my eye or more. Re-reading @Aithne's post above really makes me realize even more why this is such a heartbreaking episode. The look that Dean has on his face in the last shot of the episode (after he has returned to reality) is one of such sadness, it's almost hard to watch. Jensen was such a talented actor even in those early seasons, it makes me furious to see how following showrunners treated their best lead.

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(edited)
1 hour ago, FlickChick said:

This is my favorite episode of the series. My heart breaks for Dean - he finally has at least some of what he's always wanted and then discovers that it is an alternate reality. TVLine listed the top 15 alternate reality episodes and WIAWSNB comes in at #4 in their opinion. I would have ranked it as #1.

Raelle Tucker deserved Emmy for that script. So did Jensen for his stellar acting. This episode isn't just my favorite ep of SPN, this is probably my favorite TV episode of all I've seen. This is that kind of an ep, when you don't just understand what's happening, you can clearly feel everything. It's like I've lived through every moment of those 40 min. This episode literally has no flaws.

1 hour ago, FlickChick said:

I have yet to be able to watch Dean "talking" to his father in the graveyard or telling his family that he cannot stay in the warehouse, without at least a tear in my eye or more. 

The last scene in Dean's dream is one of my favorite (and also one of the most dramatic) scenes of the entire series. That scene cemented the fact that Dean was more than strong. I mean, after everything he's gone through Dean gets a chance to live in that dream, the dream he likes. As they were saying - no pain, no fear, no worries. Can you even imagine what a gift it would be for such person as Dean? Because I can't. IMO most of people even without all the mental scars Dean has would probably stay there, because it's safer, it's easier to escape the harsh reality, especially when you're being offered such supposedly nice choice. But Dean didn't do that. He literally put the knife through himself to get back. That was a manifestation of Dean's incredible willpower. I just can't stop admiring Dean Winchester.

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