S05.E01: Kiss and Don't Tell

[snarts]

Quote

The crew flees the city and moves into a new house in the Hamptons for six straight weeks together. While Lindsay is trying to take her relationship with boyfriend Stephen to the next level, Paige is taking her time to decide if Perry is the one for her. The housemates, especially Hannah, are baffled to learn that Luke is bringing a new girl to the house this summer. Only time will tell if Luke’s plan to juggle two girls under one roof is a good one.

 

[snarts]

Come on, I can't be the only one who watches this. My favorite winter show & this year will be definitely be more dramatic with them quarantined together for six weeks. 

Luke has certainly played Hannah like a fiddle.  It's embarrassing hearing her say that they basically dated for 7 months.  No, you might have seen it that way, but it's obvious Luke didn't. Bragging that you had his dick in your mouth twice (on WWHL) was so cringeworthy. Just stop. Oh, and please ask Paige for some fashion advice.

Lindsay never changes, always trying to be HBIC.  

Carl does look great.  Hoping he keeps up with his healthier relationship with alcohol.

The summer is going to be messy. I'm already predicting a ton of squabbles between those who have corporate jobs & those that don't.  Should be interesting.

[FozzyBear]

29 minutes ago, snarts said:

Come on, I can't be the only one who watches this. My favorite winter show & this year will be definitely be more dramatic with them quarantined together for six weeks. 

Luke has certainly played Hannah like a fiddle.  It's embarrassing hearing her say that they basically dated for 7 months.  No, you might have seen it that way, but it's obvious Luke didn't. Bragging that you had his dick in your mouth twice (on WWHL) was so cringeworthy. Just stop. Oh, and please ask Paige for some fashion advice.

Lindsay never changes, always trying to be HBIC.  

Carl does look great.  Hoping he keeps up with his healthier relationship with alcohol.

The summer is going to be messy. I'm already predicting a ton of squabbles between those who have corporate jobs & those that don't.  Should be interesting.

No fear Snarts, I’m here! I am ride or die with the stupid show. I’ll be here with you the whole time.

Soooo, I’m sort of on Lindsey’s side with the Hannah fight. You talked shit about her so she didn’t invite you to a party. It’s dumb all around but you kind of started it. And if you want to be mad about Danielle and Luke hooking up be mad at Danielle. I hate siding with Lindsey. Don’t make me do this again. Hannah seems to be a bit of an emotional wreck in general this season.

Im glad Carl is doing better. I have no problem with him not being 100% sober. Sometimes you go though stuff that gets out of control and you need to take a step back and re-examine your relationship with alcohol. For some people that means not drinking at all. For some people that means changing how you drink. However, I’m on the fence about Carl not being a complete asshole, sober or not. We’ll see.

Kyle and Amanda still seem to think they’re the epitome of sophisticated couple goals. Glad to see they didn’t gain any self awareness.

On the fence about Cierra. I normally can’t stand the “I don’t get along with other girls because I’m such a cool chick” girl, but other than that she seemed ok so we’ll see.

Still don’t like Luke.

Still like Paige.

I still continue to forget Danielle is there until someone says her name. She does look really good this season though.

[Michichick]

I didn’t watch much of last season so I don’t know all the Luke/Hannah back story. But he seems like a dick and she seems to be willfully oblivious. Even with the evidence right there that he was stringing her along, she still was so excited to see him and get that bedtime text. Embarrassed for her.

 

[FozzyBear]

4 minutes ago, Michichick said:

I didn’t watch much of last season so I don’t know all the Luke/Hannah back story. But he seems like a dick and she seems to be willfully oblivious. Even with the evidence right there that he was stringing her along, she still was so excited to see him and get that bedtime text. Embarrassed for her.

 

Then you’re pretty much caught up on Luke and Hannah. He spent last season obviously stringing her along while she claimed to be fine with it but obviously wasn’t.

[sugarbaker design]

So they're not going to go dinner/clubbing every night, right?  That might change the dynamic of the show.  The schedule was sit around the pool all day and talk about last night, get ready for dinner, go out to dinner, go to a club, come home wasted.  Late night drunken shenanigans ensue.  Lather, rinse, repeat.  A winning combination for sure, I love it, but it's going to be different now.

The house is gorgeous!

Luke was quarantining with this beautiful young critical care nurse, now they're in the Hamptons, and they're staying in different rooms?  Are they a couple or buds?

[FozzyBear]

9 minutes ago, sugarbaker design said:

 

Luke was quarantining with this beautiful young critical care nurse, now they're in the Hamptons, and they're staying in different rooms?  Are they a couple or buds?

I didn’t get that either. The best I can figure is that they both needed to quarantine in NY state for a while (I think by this time NY was asking out of state travelers to quarantine) and Bravo put them up in a place together. Maybe? It’s always hard to figure out what Luke is talking about.

[sugarbaker design]

5 minutes ago, FozzyBear said:

It’s always hard to figure out what Luke is talking about.

This.  Luke has said conflicting reports on whether or not he and Hannah have had sex.

[kelseykixx]

Hannah already has me at like a level 10 level of annoyance. You and Luke never dated, quit trying to push this ridiculous storyline. 

[geauxaway]

4 hours ago, snarts said:

Come on, I can't be the only one who watches this

You’re not!  But I cancelled my cable between seasons and forgot to add to my YouTube TV queues until 8:30 last night!  I knew it was on, I just didn’t remember to set it to record.  I’ll be watching as soon as I can!!!!  

[RedDelicious]

Carl looks like he had Invisalign and some more whitening done. He definitely looks healthier. I hope that doesn't go down the drain over the next six weeks.  

Hannah still doing herself no favors with her fashion choices. Ditch the rompers, the block heels and the flimsy tops. She looks like a garbage bag with her dark stringy hair and kind of junky clothes. She's not without potential and she could do so much better. 

Ohhh Paige and her outfits. I get that it's her job to be a living clothes hanger but I'm just not used to it yet. I'm kind of sad the she and Perry's Pizza broke up. 

I feel bad for Lindsay's boyfriend.

The new girl is drop dead. And she seems nice too. She and Danielle are the prettiest girls in the house but so far all Danielle has done is stand there and smile. And spill things.

Amanda and Kyle continue to annoy me. Kyle tries too hard to be the funny guy. 

I wasn't expecting Luke to be The Revenant. 

The house is gorgeous and I was cringing through the fallen cheese and the spilled margaritas. Pizza making is a terrible group activity unless you're ten and at Pizza Hut for a birthday party.

[politichick]

Paige absolutely needs to give Hannah a makeover and a haircut. She is very slovenly.

Also didn't get why Cierra and Luke are not sharing a room. Maybe their just friends with all of the benefits?

Carl does look good, but he definitely needs the 5 o'clock shadow. He is, to me, unattractive when he's fully shaved. Weird.

 

[DallasDiva243]

Danielle looks absolutely gorgeous! I wish she had more of a storyline because I really like her! Paige looked great too. I’m curious what happens between her and Perry (“he’s like my dad dropping me off for college” had me smiling). Carl does look healthier and I hope he sticks to sobriety. He needs it. Cierra is stunning and I can’t wait to see more of her. She can do so much better than Luke (who really needs to shave)! Amanda and Kyle are hopefully going to have a better summer because I couldn’t stand them the last few. Lindsey seems like her normal self- don’t love her, don’t hate her. And Hannah.... girl... stop. Just stop. She just needs to go away. You guys weren’t dating. You said mean things about Lindsey so it’s no wonder she is upset. Just “own it” (tm Lisa Rinna). I feel she is going to be a hot mess!

[Kerrey92]

Am I remembering correctly that Luke and Hannah had it out at the reunion and he said some really mean things about her?  Hannah is trying to make a thing where it isn’t.   I think she, Paige and Amanda are mean girls.  

[RedDelicious]

12 hours ago, Kerrey92 said:

Am I remembering correctly that Luke and Hannah had it out at the reunion and he said some really mean things about her?  Hannah is trying to make a thing where it isn’t.   I think she, Paige and Amanda are mean girls.  

They totally have their run into the other room and talk about everyone thing going on, like high school. They’re showing their age with that behavior.

I wonder if Paige/Hannah’s lack of more structured employment is going to be an issue for Amanda and working for Loverboy. 

[bichonblitz]

Hannah has said that she wants to be a comedian. Problem is she's not funny. Kind of hard to do with Covid and not being able to go to comedy clubs so she has that obnoxious half hour show on BRAVO with Kate from Below Deck, Porsha from RHOA and Gizelle from Potomac where they critique other BRAVO shows. It's the worst show on TV. 

She did say on WWHL that she had Luke's penis in her mouth twice. She also said in previous WWHL that Luke went down on her "for hours." Classless, not funny at all. It does appear that Luke has a problem getting it in, hence the new girl with separate rooms. Wasn't there another guy on the show that could never finish the deal? Everybody thought he might be gay but he wouldn't admit it? Can't remember his name. 

Anywy, Hannah, go back to doing what you do best which is playing tennis. 

[heatherchandler]

25 minutes ago, bichonblitz said:

Hannah has said that she wants to be a comedian. Problem is she's not funny. Kind of hard to do with Covid and not being able to go to comedy clubs so she has that obnoxious half hour show on BRAVO with Kate from Below Deck, Porsha from RHOA and Gizelle from Potomac where they critique other BRAVO shows. It's the worst show on TV. 

She did say on WWHL that she had Luke's penis in her mouth twice. She also said in previous WWHL that Luke went down on her "for hours." Classless, not funny at all. It does appear that Luke has a problem getting it in, hence the new girl with separate rooms. Wasn't there another guy on the show that could never finish the deal? Everybody thought he might be gay but he wouldn't admit it? Can't remember his name. 

Anywy, Hannah, go back to doing what you do best which is playing tennis. 

I don’t understand why she thinks she is funny.  She really isn’t at all.

Yes Jordan!!  He was always lying about his sexploits.  I don’t know if anyone listens to watch what crappens podcast but they do the best impression of Jordan.  I’m cracking up just thinking about it.  
 

[PhilMarlowe2]

Hannah is the absolute worst. She demands people be "direct" with her while she has carte blanche to run around talking shit about everyone all the time. She gets the whole house wound up. They seriously need to put her in time out.

[azprimadonna]

I am thinking the other girls could be jealous, because Hannah did get the Golden Ticket with a Prime spot on that awful Bravo show.  Any Summer House viewer could barely believe she was chosen, because the girl is a mess and can barely talk.  

[biakbiak]

On 2/6/2021 at 6:12 PM, azprimadonna said:

I am thinking the other girls could be jealous, because Hannah did get the Golden Ticket with a Prime spot on that awful Bravo show.

This filmed before that started filming.

[snarts]

Hannah's a bit socially awkward which I attribute to her competitive tennis career. I'd guess she didn't date or socialize a lot in high school or college, especially since her father was her coach.  As a result, she's not great with social cues and overcompensates with aggressiveness & highly sexual talk. She wants to be the cool, sexy chick.  Aside from Paige, she likely doesn't have a lot of close friends and she does talk shit about everybody so there's that.  Overall, she just makes me cringe. 

[RedDelicious]

2 hours ago, snarts said:

Hannah's a bit socially awkward which I attribute to her competitive tennis career. I'd guess she didn't date or socialize a lot in high school or college, especially since her father was her coach. 

That makes a lot of sense. I think Tara Lipinski is an example of that too. Tara is kind of awkward and not particularly well spoken, even though she has a second career as a sports broadcaster alongside Johnny Weir who is a natural at technical commentary. Lipinski has a solid 9 or 10 years on Hannah, but she's forever that 15-year old in the Anastasia costume just like Hannah perpetually looks like she's fresh from tennis camp.

[Rambunctiouscurls]

I am so excited about new girl, Ciara! She seems lovely. I will ignore my side-eye for the comment regarding not being a typical girl’s girl for now. She is totally downgrading with Luke but I get a platonic vibe between them anyway. I fell in love when she said “ Fill that shit to the brim” when asked if she wanted a firebomb. I have a feeling she will fit in the group much more than poor Jordan who didn’t stand a chance with the mean girls. 

I  am also looking forward to seeing their work lives. It does appear Paige and Hannah have nothing much going on that front. I will never understand how people make a living through social media exclusively. 

[christmaslights]

I sadly have nothing better to do, so here I am.  

im guessing Luke has never been interested in Hanna, but wondering what the new girl has to say about the situation. hanna isn't unattractive...but she isn't really attractive.  kinda horsey.  nice athletic body...but she's chasing up the wrong tree.  

[biakbiak]

6 hours ago, RedDelicious said:

That makes a lot of sense. I think Tara Lipinski is an example of that too. Tara is kind of awkward and not particularly well spoken, even though she has a second career as a sports broadcaster alongside Johnny Weir who is a natural at technical commentary. Lipinski has a solid 9 or 10 years on Hannah, but she's forever that 15-year old in the Anastasia costume just like Hannah perpetually looks like she's fresh from tennis camp.

I mean Tara was a prodigy and an Olympian. Hannah  played no real tournaments even as a teen and while she was Academic Big 10 at the University of Wisconsin., no small feat, vastly overstated her tennis accomplishments in the interview they repeated all the time. She even dialed it back on her or another podcast.

Edited February 9, 2021 by biakbiak

[RedDelicious]

4 minutes ago, biakbiak said:

I mean Tara was a prodigy and an Olympian. Hannah  played no real tournaments even as a teen and while she was Academic Big 10 at the University of Wisconsin., no small feat, vastly overstated her tennis accomplishments in the interview they repeated all the time. 

But the lack of normal childhood and young adulthood experiences isn’t that different. When you’re constantly doing your sport, regardless of how successful you are (or not), you don’t get to learn how to be a regular kid. I think that follows you into adulthood. 

[biakbiak]

1 hour ago, RedDelicious said:

But the lack of normal childhood and young adulthood experiences isn’t that different. When you’re constantly doing your sport, regardless of how successful you are (or not), you don’t get to learn how to be a regular kid. I think that follows you into adulthood. 

But my point is she had a normal childhood. She even has said this, her dad taught her to play tennis but she had a good but not great high school career (you can read her bio and her career stats)  She wasn’t actually on the juniors tennis circuit like that one talking head she has since walked off of implied. She was on her high school tennis team. She was literally never ranked 250 in the world, hell she wasn’t even ranked in the NCAA!

Edited February 9, 2021 by biakbiak

[snarts]

Wow, if you think she exaggerated in her on camera interview, this one with ESPN from 2019 will make your head explode.

 

[MissFeatherbottom]

12 hours ago, christmaslights said:

I sadly have nothing better to do, so here I am.  

im guessing Luke has never been interested in Hanna, but wondering what the new girl has to say about the situation. hanna isn't unattractive...but she isn't really attractive.  kinda horsey.  nice athletic body...but she's chasing up the wrong tree.  

I agree with you and don't think Luke is really into Hannah. Their whole friendship/relationship is just odd to me. If I remember correctly she said they dated for 7 months but then later she changed it to "we were pretty much dating" (not her exact words). I'm going to assume they really weren't boyfriend/girlfriend and just talked everyday and now she has feelings for him but he clearly wants to keep his options open. 

[SarahPrtr]

Ciara saying that the other girls can touch her breasts reminded me of this scene from The Sweetest Thing (skip to 00:24):

 

It's one of my absolute favourite scenes from a movie, because Courtney (Christina Applegate) is so honest about it.  You get fake boobs to make people stare and take notice of your breasts.  It still makes me laugh. 

 

One of the surgeons from my ward is a freaking knockout with the perfect body and a beautiful face.  She's obviously been getting compliments regarding her looks her whole life, but she's very gracious about accepting them.  It's so refreshing to have someone who is so freaking beautiful accept compliments with such confidence, instead of the usual "I am more than a body, stop objectifying me, I'm not just a piece of meat, etc etc...." - which is why other women aren't jealous of her despite her beauty, because she just treats it as a part of her, not ALL of her.  She's a freaking amazing surgeon and that's what gives her the confidence and even older and more experienced male surgeons don't patronise her because she's so talented.

[SarahPrtr]

I'm surprised that none of the cast members mentioned the summer house resembling a McMansion - which I love, btw, because I'm very tacky with bad taste.

[Vickie F.]

I love every one of these comments. All very perceptive. Having raised three children, one of whom is a professional athlete who plays soccer all over the world, I can attest to the seemingly childlike behavior of Hannah as an adult. Starting at 5 years old, into club by ten, Olympic team training, collegiate career then turning pro - her life was very isolated - early early mornings practice before school, homework in the car to evening practice and games to weekend tournaments and almost every holiday on the field. 
She was home very little and because siblings were active in other sports - hubs and I split off in different directions to get everyone where they needed to be. Often she and Dad were driving or flying to different events. She is highly competitive and a great teammate but as socially awkward as it gets. So I think I have watched Hannah through that lens and thought her normal...odd but normal. Now though. I’m fully aboard the Hannah is a bit weird train. Lindsey needs a spoonful of humility. Her bf is in hospitality which is 7 days a week 365. If he wasn’t grinding she’d be all get off your ass. Boy is grinding hard and she’s comparing who’s made more sandwiches for the other. So awful. 
I love the new Carl.