S01.E12: Ego Death

[ElectricBoogaloo]

SEASON FINALE!

BBC1 is airing two episodes per week while HBO is airing only one episode per week. If you enter this thread before the US air date, you may encounter spoilers!

Quote

When Arabella’s memory of her assault comes rushing back to her, she drags the last of her demons out from under the bed - once and for all.

Original UK air date: 7/21/20
Original US air date: 8/24/20

 

[ElectricBoogaloo]

I know in the real world, vigilantes are not supposed to seek justice (unless they're superheroes) but I loved that Bella has been walking around with wigs and hats in her bag all this time just in case her rapist returned to the scene of the crime. Yay for Theo showing up so quickly to help!

I couldn't believe that she drank any of that drink. I loved when she threw half of it over her shoulder but I was afraid it was too late by then. Thank goodness she wasn't actually drugged a second time. Her only mistake was telling him her real name.

Once he was passed out on the street, I thought it would have been more practical for her to look for his wallet and find out his real name than to look at his dick.

I finally knew it was a dream sequence when she took him on the bus and shoved him under the bed.

I'm not a pharmacologist but in scenario #2, Terry's plan for Arabella to do a bunch of coke before having a spiked drink didn't seem like the best idea.

Although part of me is sad that Arabella didn't get some kind of justice or revenge, it was great to see that she finished her book and was moving on with her life. As much as I wanted her rapist to be arrested, the way the show ended was much more realistic. She's healing and she's living her life.

 

[Glade]

This was a really sweet ending; I'm glad she acknowledged that finding her rapist again in that bar was unlikely, something that only happens in fiction, and went for connecting with her roomie instead.  Most of us survivors never get justice, but we can leave our abusers behind.

[kieyra]

I did like that for each arc, it turned out that what they were really looking for was intimacy (and/or friendship). 

I'm not sure if a sub-theme was 'hookup culture leads to increased exposure to predators of all kinds', since basically everyone got raped or taken advantage of.

Or, in cases like Kwame, also made others feel like they had been deceived. Or, like Bella, had put a friend in an unsafe position (locking Kwame in a room with the other guy). 

Maybe this is a too-simplistic read of things, though.

[DanaK]

I have to admit, I was really confused by this episode. Were all 3 encounters all in her head as her running through scenarios? I figured the first 2 were after the second one, but I’m not sure about the last. The book release was real though, right?

[ShellsandCheese]

Are we supposed to think David himself raped? Or abused as a child? I was kind of confused by this speech in the bathroom when he kept saying David. I felt like the episode was trying to get me to be sympathetic toward her rapist, and that left me feeling all kinds of confused. 

[SourK]

I've never had my opinion about an episode change so much as I was watching it. I hated it at first, and then I loved it. I think it was a really, really smart way to end the series, by giving us a sense of resolution and closure, but without committing to any one interpretation of how the characters should feel, and still acknowledging that, in real life, you usually don't get anything at all.

I respect Michaela Coel so much for what she was able to do with this series.

[Blakeston]

10 hours ago, DanaK said:

I have to admit, I was really confused by this episode. Were all 3 encounters all in her head as her running through scenarios? I figured the first 2 were after the second one, but I’m not sure about the last. The book release was real though, right?

That's how I took it - that the first three scenarios were all Bella's fantasies, and the final one (where she does nothing to David and moves on with her life) was what really happened.

I would think Bella would be able to just call the police and say, "I recognize this man as my rapist." All they'd have to do is search him and find the roofies - or test his DNA and compare it to the sperm that was found on her. It wouldn't just be his word versus hers.

8 hours ago, ShellsandCheese said:

Are we supposed to think David himself raped? Or abused as a child? I was kind of confused by this speech in the bathroom when he kept saying David. I felt like the episode was trying to get me to be sympathetic toward her rapist, and that left me feeling all kinds of confused. 

That second scenario seemed like Bella was imagining a scenario where she'd be able to stop hating David, because she saw that he was remorseful, and showed signs of being mentally ill and disconnected from reality. I don't think it was meant to be an indication that the real David was actually like that.

Edited August 25, 2020 by Blakeston

[Empress1]

28 minutes ago, Blakeston said:

That's how I took it - that the first three scenarios were all Bella's fantasies, and the final one (where she does nothing to David and moves on with her life) was what really happened.

Me too, and her telling him to go in the third one, and all the versions of him going, was her letting go of it, thus enabling her to move forward. I thought this was excellent. 

[DanaK]

Man, I'll tell you all, the wacky way that first scenario was going when I thought it was real, I was starting to think they really flubbed the finale with some stupid hijinks. The fantasy segments really confused me. During the second one, I kept thinking, "Wait, is this the same guy that she identified as her rapist? Didn't she kill him? What's going on?" How it all actually went down will leave me thinking about the episode for a time because it's hard to digest given the mixture of fantasy and reality.

Given all the fantasies that were going on, should we question that she actually saw her rapist again or just remembered him and his accomplice?

I echo @Blakeston thought that she at least could have called the police to have him questioned, but perhaps she thought that would just prolong the pain.

Edited August 25, 2020 by DanaK

[PrincessPurrsALot]

The first fantasy threw me off at first too.  Until they followed him, beat hm up and then dragged him back to Arabella's house, I thought it was real.  I would have like to have had her inform the police so that, even if they couldn't piece together enough evidence for her case, he and his accomplice would be on their radar.  

I did appreciate the actual ending.  Arabella was able to move on and published her book.  Terry's commercial aired. And Kwame looked well.  It made sense to me.  We have so many movies, books, etc. that portray victims going back and assaulting or killing perpetrators. The ending was more realistic.  Justice is not always served and people do not become ninja-like vigilantes. Fortunately the characters in this show found a way to move forward with their lives. 

[Jadzia]

I hope this show gets lots of Emmys. I actually never thought Michaela was that funny until this episode. I about died when she was singing and dancing to Firestarter. I need to find that clip and watch it a hundred times. And when she threw the drink over her shoulder! Hilarious.

During the first scenario I was like "Holy shit/WTF!" and then I realized they were doing a Run Lola Run thing. I absolutely loved it how at the end when her roommate asked her if she was going to do her stakeout at the bar again and after running through all the scenarios she finally answered no. 

A friend and I were talking and we were wondering if the rapist had gotten her pregnant? I forgot about the ultrasound photo in the evidence bag and the implied abortion. My friend pointed out that the rapid took that bag when he crawled out from under the bed. I wish they had explored that a little more.

[Pamela]

That final smile she gave to us...I thought that was so lovely and moving. I smiled right back at her. So happy she made it through.

[Arcey]

There's a podcast called "Slate's Spoiler Specials" that talks about I May Destroy You on this week's pod. Definitely worth a listen.

Since this show has so much buzz, I've been surprised how little is posted on these threads. There were so many things I had questions about or just outright didn't understand, and I usually learn so much on the threads in general, but this time, there wasn't enough chatter. I finally started turning on captions several episodes ago, which did help a lot of times.

For Ep 10, I came here and wrote a long post on my tablet with my usual slow, 1-finger method, and something got reset as I was about to post, and the whole thing disappeared! Aaarrgggh. I hate when that happens. One question I had was about what Terry actually did the night of the rape that was so bad? I have no recall way back to ep 1, and even when they were talking about it, I didn't follow what they were saying (and that was with captions turned on).

For Ep 11, last week, I was blown away by the episode. I thought it was brilliant on so many levels, throughout the whole ep. Beautiful story telling and threads pulling together. The scene in the restaurant with Terry and her new friend was priceless. So I came onto the ep 11 thread and again, typed out a whole long post on my tablet with my 1-finger method, and wouldn't you know, the same thing happened when I went to post it. A glitch, then it disappeared!! I couldn't believe it happened again.

So now I'm at my computer and it better not happen again! In the penultimate scene when the whole gang is watching Terry's commercial, Terry's new friend was with her on the couch, and I can't recall if Kwame was sitting next to his new friend (I think it was Arabella). Does anyone remember? That was so cool, seeing them all together like that, and being so happy. What a strange episode this was, in so many ways. Not enough talk about it on this thread, but that podcast helped unravel a few things for me. Anyone know of other good, civil discussion groups for this show?

[Joimiaroxeu]

I didn't need to see Bella imagining having consensual sex with her rapist, even when it turned into a situation where she was dominant. What was that to prove?

Right now I feel let down by this finale. There are think pieces all over the web about it that I may read and then try to watch the episode again later. Overall though I think Michaela Coel deserves all the accolades she has received and will continue to receive for this series. I bet one day this show will be the basis of college courses in womens studies, sociology, etc.

[Blakeston]

1 hour ago, Arcey said:

One question I had was about what Terry actually did the night of the rape that was so bad? I have no recall way back to ep 1, and even when they were talking about it, I didn't follow what they were saying (and that was with captions turned on).

We found out partway through the season that Terry told Simon that it was fine to leave Arabella alone that night. She said something like, "you know how Bella gets" - implying that Bella deserved to be ditched for getting herself into that state to begin with. Which is so damn sad when you consider that Bella was in that state against her will.

Re: the question about the abortion, I don't think we ever found out exactly when it happened. We just learned that she kept the evidence under her bed. I assumed that it happened before the ep 1 rape, because the police said that the semen was found on her shirt, and not inside of her. (It would be possible to impregnate someone just with pre-ejaculate, but I don't think Michaela would have put that detail in the writing if we were supposed to believe that the rape got her pregnant.)

Also, I would assume that she was given something after the rape to prevent conception. At least I hope so.

Edited August 26, 2020 by Blakeston

[PrincessPurrsALot]

I found that scene very disconcerting, but when I place it in the context of the series of fantasies I'm okay with it.  Arabella was trying to work through the scenarios of what could happen if she confronted her rapist/ways in which she could interact with him.   That was pure fantasy because I certainly don't see an actual serial rapist explaining himself to someone then having meaningful sex with them (as in, sex in which there seems to be real connection).  He is a monster with no regard for women.  This scene would never actually happen even if it is likely Bella's best case scenario through which she feels she would get some power back. 

[FoundTime]

On 8/26/2020 at 4:37 PM, Blakeston said:

We found out partway through the season that Terry told Simon that it was fine to leave Arabella alone that night. She said something like, "you know how Bella gets" - implying that Bella deserved to be ditched for getting herself into that state to begin with. Which is so damn sad when you consider that Bella was in that state against her will.

Which, from Terry's POV, is kind of understandable, if you think back to the bar scene in Italy, when Terry walked out on Arabella when Bella was so wasted and high and couldn't even acknowledge that Terry was there.

I really grew to like Terry over the course of the series; there were a number of eps when I was super frustrated with her. I think that's one of the little things this show gets right, among all the Big Things --  the imperfect nature of friendship.

[Empress1]

On 8/26/2020 at 6:01 PM, PrincessPurrsALot said:

I found that scene very disconcerting, but when I place it in the context of the series of fantasies I'm okay with it.  Arabella was trying to work through the scenarios of what could happen if she confronted her rapist/ways in which she could interact with him.   That was pure fantasy because I certainly don't see an actual serial rapist explaining himself to someone then having meaningful sex with them (as in, sex in which there seems to be real connection).  He is a monster with no regard for women.  This scene would never actually happen even if it is likely Bella's best case scenario through which she feels she would get some power back. 

I thought it was interesting that that scene was a total reversal of the events. It was day, not night. The rapist’s friend danced for Terry, not the other way around, and Bella dominated her rapist.

[FoundTime]

I just posted an article to the media thread that discusses Coel's inspiration for several episodes, including the finale, about which it says, "She took people's desire for revenge finales -- a mind-set of 'tables turning, it's our time, see how you like it,' she said -- into account as she shaped the 12th and final episode."

[sugarbaker design]

Very satisfying conclusion to an excellent series! Coel is a major talent.  I was so happy the first ten minutes turned out to be a scenario.  I didn't want Arabella to be consumed with a need for physical revenge.  It was great seeing her at her own book reading, then with her posse watching Terry's commercial.  Professional achievements, creative freedom and loving friendships are the best revenge.

[ruby24]

I have a question. Did Arabella actually ever see her rapist at the bar again, or did she just remember his face in her mind?  Because I would think if she did see him again in person, she could call the police and accuse him, and they could check his DNA, right? Because if she remembered exactly what happened then both those guys are serial predators, and definitely out there doing it to more women. Not sure just letting it go if you saw the guy again in person and knew for sure it was him, that you shouldn't do something about it right away, or at least try to.

Also, since she remembered him, wasn't she introduced to him in that first episode?

[lasu]

On 2/20/2021 at 8:51 PM, ruby24 said:

Did Arabella actually ever see her rapist at the bar again, or did she just remember his face in her mind?

I don't think she ever saw him again at the bar.  Each sequence of her seeing him started with her on the patio with her roommate and him asking if she was going to go do her bar watch again that evening.  The fourth time (after the three dream sequences) he asks if she will be doing her bar watch again that evening, and she says no.  

[Cotypubby]

Just finished watching the series. I’m not sure what to think about the finale. I really hated the 2nd and 3rd scenarios. Personally I think the season began to go off the rails for me when she somehow got back from Italy a few episodes ago with no explanation or resolution. It started off very strong and gritty and disturbing but became way too fanciful. Michaela Coel was incredible in every scene though.

So since she didn’t actually go to the bar that night and didn’t see her rapist, did she actually remember anything else about that night? Did the Black guy really have something to do with her rape or was that all just part of her imagined first scenario? Ever since the very first episode I had thought “What about that white guy she was drinking with at the bar? Who was he? Doesn’t anyone else remember that guy being there?” but was he actually the rapist? 

Edited March 22, 2021 by Cotypubby