Getting to Genoa You All Over Again: Y&R Daily Chat

[Js Nana]

On 12/18/2023 at 1:37 PM, Js Nana said:

Rumor has it that there's a major storyline game changer in the works

Ssssoooorrrryyyy, I read something about Jack and Ashley celebrating Tucker's demise, and I thought it meant that Tucker was going to kick the bucket - ooooppppssss

[SweePea59]

10 hours ago, NinjaPenguins said:

I changed her Xbox gamertag to 2bsoxwitlemonz, so ha ha.

Oh, that Lucy! ;)

[One Tough Cookie]

Sneaking out of my kitchen to wish all you a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

[boes]

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, One Tough Cookie, and all the wonderful preverts!

You all help me hold on to the remnants of my sanity on a daily basis with your wit and intelligence and always, always make my laugh.

Thanks.

[MsMalin]

Whatever it is that you do or do not celebrate I am wishing you all the very best in 2024 and merriment for the rest of 2023.  It means so much to me to have this board to come to every day.

[Waldo13]

Happy Holidays to all and your families. 

Edited December 24, 2023 by Waldo13

[PatsyandEddie]

Happy “Day” to everyone!! You all deserve the very best. ❤️

[NinjaPenguins]

Twas the night before Christmas, and Nikki was soused

Victor Newman was lurking, such a horrid spouse;

The board shorts were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that Nicholas Newman would be there;

Vic’s daughter was restrained all snug in her bed;

While Aunt Jordan dared mess with their heads;

And auntie in her disguise, and Claire in her chair,

Had just set off for for a lone winter's lair,

When out at the bar, Tucker’s dreams were shattered,

Red oozed down the steps to see what was the matter.

Away from the bouffant Audra flew like a flash,

Nate watched old Nikki sneak from her stash.

Tube socks with fruit for the washed up star,

Gave a luster of thirst that couldn’t make him hard,

When what to my wondering eyes did appear,

But Christine Williams and she made Danny leer,

And a little teenager so lively and quick,

She knew in a moment Mom wanted Dad’s wick.

More rabid than badgers, the Newmans they raved,

And they mumbled, and grunted, and called them all names:

"Fuck Side Part, fuck Abbotts! now Jordan and Tucker!

Fuck Adam! Fuck Abby! Fuck that Jack motherfucker!

To the top of the world! to the top of the list!

We are Newmans and our ass must be kissed!"

As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, they cheat and lie

So up on their high horse the Newmans they flew

With the sleigh full of sex toys, and batteries too—

And then, in a grumbling, I heard from his lips

My baby, our prancing and pawing threw out my hip.

As I kicked my TV, and was turning it down,

Into the show, Buttbiscuit came with a bound.

He was dressed in a suit, but still looked the fool

And his face was all tarnished with nostrils and drool;

A shit eat grinning had spread across his mug,

And he looked like a pervert giving his sack a tug.

His eyes—how they darkened! his sinuses, how scary!

His cheeks were like apples, his nose like a ferry!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a smirk,

And the hair on his head was as black as the murk;

The sound of his fart could rattle your teeth,

And the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath;

He had a pale face and a concave belly

That was the same color, as Swiss cheese in the deli.

He was smarmy and rude, a true jerk of an elf,

And I said when I saw him, Go fuck yourself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head

Soon gave me to know I had an hour to dread;

He spoke many words, but went never to work,

And manspread on the sofa; again like a jerk,

And laying an airplane inside of his nose,

And giving a nod, up his own ass he rose;

He sprang to his feet, to his bro gave a finger,

And away he flew since his farts often linger.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight—

“Happy Christmas to all, and to Newmans, eat shite!”

[boes]

NinjaPenguins, THIS is the real Christmas miracle, and will henceforth be read on Christmas Eve throughout the land!

You done murdered me ****DEAD**** on Christmas Eve and I couldn't possibly laugh any harder!

Edited December 25, 2023 by boes

[Joimiaroxeu]

'Tis the season! Wishing you all safe and Happy Holiday celebrations! 🌞

[One Tough Cookie]

3 hours ago, NinjaPenguins said:

Twas the night before Christmas, and Nikki was soused

Victor Newman was lurking, such a horrid spouse;

The board shorts were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that Nicholas Newman would be there;

Vic’s daughter was restrained all snug in her bed;

While Aunt Jordan dared mess with their heads;

And auntie in her disguise, and Claire in her chair,

Had just set off for for a lone winter's lair,

When out at the bar, Tucker’s dreams were shattered,

Red oozed down the steps to see what was the matter.

Away from the bouffant Audra flew like a flash,

Nate watched old Nikki sneak from her stash.

Tube socks with fruit for the washed up star,

Gave a luster of thirst that couldn’t make him hard,

When what to my wondering eyes did appear,

But Christine Williams and she made Danny leer,

And a little teenager so lively and quick,

She knew in a moment Mom wanted Dad’s wick.

More rabid than badgers, the Newmans they raved,

And they mumbled, and grunted, and called them all names:

"Fuck Side Part, fuck Abbotts! now Jordan and Tucker!

Fuck Adam! Fuck Abby! Fuck that Jack motherfucker!

To the top of the world! to the top of the list!

We are Newmans and our ass must be kissed!"

As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, they cheat and lie

So up on their high horse the Newmans they flew

With the sleigh full of sex toys, and batteries too—

And then, in a grumbling, I heard from his lips

My baby, our prancing and pawing threw out my hip.

As I kicked my TV, and was turning it down,

Into the show, Buttbiscuit came with a bound.

He was dressed in a suit, but still looked the fool

And his face was all tarnished with nostrils and drool;

A shit eat grinning had spread across his mug,

And he looked like a pervert giving his sack a tug.

His eyes—how they darkened! his sinuses, how scary!

His cheeks were like apples, his nose like a ferry!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a smirk,

And the hair on his head was as black as the murk;

The sound of his fart could rattle your teeth,

And the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath;

He had a pale face and a concave belly

That was the same color, as Swiss cheese in the deli.

He was smarmy and rude, a true jerk of an elf,

And I said when I saw him, Go fuck yourself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head

Soon gave me to know I had an hour to dread;

He spoke many words, but went never to work,

And manspread on the sofa; again like a jerk,

And laying an airplane inside of his nose,

And giving a nod, up his own ass he rose;

He sprang to his feet, to his bro gave a finger,

And away he flew since his farts often linger.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight—

“Happy Christmas to all, and to Newmans, eat shite!”

Oh my GOD.  I am dead. I tell you, DEAD.

SSSTTTAAAAPPP....................................

[One Tough Cookie]

@NinjaPenguins  you should definitely get that little ditty copyrighted, before someone else does

[Kemper]

I have not been watching everyday, so.....  I didn't think it was possible, but JM's acting seems to have gotten even worse.  To the point where even his physical movements (hand gestures, shrugging, glowering, etc) seem over-the-top. 

Maybe the bright spot is perhaps they are finishing up storylines that have dragged on and on.  Yes, Crazy Talk.  Is "Cole" going to be a contract player? Coleen Z? 

 

 

[Unathletic Club]

Nic: Mom not drinking. Nate lie.

Victor: This vodka bottle is full of water!

Nic: See! Mom just drinking water.

 

 

[lgprimes]

Good show today! I was admiring MTS’ ability as drunk Nikki, but then unfortunately she lost it and seemed sober by the time the cops and family arrived.  
 

So pleased Aunt Jordan lives on. She endeared herself to me yet again today when she was listing “Victor, Victoria, and…. your idiot son”.

[Julyolo]

I tuned in late today, and at first when I saw Cole & Victoria alone in the living room, I thought it was a re-run of a "Walking Dead" episode. Victoria's protruding collar bones coupled with Cole's emaciated face makes for quite an uninspiring duo. Then by the end of the episode, I realized their "discussion" was to foreshadow the fact Claire is obviously being fast-tracked into a  "Newman loyalty badge " narrative, because she chose to save Nikki, and throw her Auntie J under the bus. Left me wondering why Adam saving Chance and Faith just isn't enough to get him the Newman "family loyalty badge", until I remembered that even people who get saved on this show are ranked. Saving the wife of TGVN, must apparently merit any rescuer with the highest rewards that the family can bestow.

Edited December 26, 2023 by Julyolo

[Unathletic Club]

42 minutes ago, lgprimes said:

Quote

Good show today! I was admiring MTS’ ability as drunk Nikki, but then unfortunately she lost it and seemed sober by the time the cops and family arrived.  

So pleased Aunt Jordan lives on. She endeared herself to me yet again today when she was listing “Victor, Victoria, and…. your idiot son”.

I think she told Jordan at one point that she was only pretending to be drunk. To make her think she would be easy to handle I guess. 

The "idiot son" remark was epic! Nicki didn't contradict her either.

[boes]

4 hours ago, lgprimes said:

So pleased Aunt Jordan lives on. She endeared herself to me yet again today when she was listing “Victor, Victoria, and…. your idiot son”.

Small point, but I'm pleased that Aunt Jordan not only knew, but also used, Nick's baptismal and legal name.  Just what we've all been calling him since the little tyke was walking into walls.

 

Edited December 27, 2023 by boes
Speeling

[Js Nana]

1 hour ago, lgprimes said:

I was admiring MTS’ ability as drunk Nikki, but then unfortunately she lost it and seemed sober by the time the cops and family arrived.  

I think the idea was that she was sober all the time and had only been playing drunk to fool Jordan.

52 minutes ago, Julyolo said:

when I saw Cole & Victoria alone in the living room, I thought it was a re-run of a "Walking Dead" episode.

Thanks, Julyolo, I can't stop laughing over that one.

[Js Nana]

If I'm not mistaken, Claire is supposed to have had an education and training in business, so wouldn't it be great if it turns out that TGVN has designated her to take over at NE when he meets his maker.

[MsMalin]

Nice that Nikki was able to stop at the hairdresser and get her hair done on the way to the cabin.

[Joimiaroxeu]

It's Christmas Day in GC and the Newmans are not having a merry old time. 🥳

Guess no one at the ranch besides Nikki drinks vodka since it took them this long to realize there was mostly water in the bottle. Why have it around then if she's supposedly sober?

Not sure why Jordan assumed Nikki didn't have some kind of GPS tracker on herself, or hadn't alerted the police before she arrived at the cabin. Jordan didn't even frisk Nikki or make her take off the long coat.

Cole to the rescue! He figured out where Nikki is while the Newmans mostly had their thumbs stuck up their hineys.

Yeesh, Victoria was in utter denial. It made no sense to me because she saw up close and personal what Jordan is capable of. There'll be plenty of time later to agonize over what happened and why.

This Williams Bay place where Nikki went was apparently within reasonable driving distance of GC. However, you'd think Victor and Nick would've taken a helicopter instead if they thought she was in danger. Seems like the show just wanted to use the bad green screen of them riding in a car.

Seriously, Jordan? Why would Claire want to live a miserable life on the lam with your nutbag self when she could be enjoying the fancy fruits of being a Newman? Gah.

Sounds like Uncle Nick is not going to be chums with Claire. Claire should start a FacePlace group with Nate, Uncle Adam, and cousin Christian, lol.

Edited December 27, 2023 by Joimiaroxeu

[Waldo13]

And the Daytime Emmy for Stupidity goes to Banana Breath 🦍🦍🦍🦍. Mom is missing, are you looking for her?  What a putz.  The runner up  is Groucho for the Daytime Emmy. You would think that Banana Breath🦍🦍🦍🦍 and Groucho were conjoined twins, at the head, that were separated soon after birth but Banana Breath 🦍🦍🦍🦍 got 95% of the stupidity.  Groucho only redeemed herself with the mother’s love of a child.  Thankfully Claire is Nikki’s saving grace. Is Victor now going to eat crow and call Claire that grandchild instead of that woman?  Victor gratitude runs deep.  As deep as a dried up well.  

 

That cabin looks familiar but I just can’t place it where I’ve seen it before.  Cole said that’s were his mother took him but I’m quite sure it was used by someone else. 

 

 

[MsMalin]

Claire is lucky Nick is her uncle. Otherwise he would already be unzipping his pants.

[Joimiaroxeu]

^^^Well, I have to give Nick the tiniest benefit of the doubt wrt Claire if she weren't his niece. He'd probably wait until Adam went there first. Nick loves getting Adam's leftovers. 😏

[boes]

3 hours ago, MsMalin said:

Claire is lucky Nick is her uncle. Otherwise he would already be unzipping his pants.

No zippers for Nick, too difficult.  It's the sound of velcro being ripped open that's his moose call of desire.

He wishes....

[Js Nana]

19 hours ago, Joimiaroxeu said:

while the Newmans mostly had their thumbs stuck up their hineys.

Which they do because they like how it feels.

[Joimiaroxeu]

Lauren had some bedhead going on. Not sure she realized it, ha ha.

Oh, Daniel, things are already messy between your parents. You don't even know how much.

How tired am I of the widespread vilification of Tucker? THIS TIRED! Yo, high and mighty citizens of GC: let him (or her) among you who is without sin cast the first stone. Looking at you, Devon, Diane, Kyle, Jack, Ashley...

They brought Clarence back to crap on Tucker too? Give me a frigging break. Guess Leanna Love wasn't available. 🙄

Danny, ease up on the wide-eyed innocent act. You knew Phyllis wanted to be alone with you so she could try to jump your bones. She has officially weaponized her cooch and for Christine's sake, you better hope things don't get more lethal.

Shut up, Kyle. You're still trying to tap Audra's cake and kick it too. How stupid do you think she is?

Geez, Phyllis, have you not an iota of self-respect? If you have to beg Danny to be with you, you're not really winning.

Audra! You know Kyle is a tool who can't be trusted. Stop crying, kick him out, and cease all contact

"Forget this happened." WTAF, Danny. Have you met Phyllis before? She will break the space-time continuum to let Cricket know you had your tongue down Phyllis' throat. Your player game is weak, player.

Not that I'm rooting for Christine but I don't like seeing her lower herself to Phyllis' level. If Danny wants to succumb to Phyllis he will, and there's nothing Christine can do to prevent it. AFAIC she should just carry on with her life.

EW EW EW! Danny's mouth was fresh full of Phyllis' saliva and then he turned around and passed Christine a swig of it. Danny, you nasty! I'm gonna start calling you Patient Zero. 🤮🤢😱☠️

Edited December 27, 2023 by Joimiaroxeu

[pvandal]

Did the writers change the story of the Tucker coverup? Devon is saying Tucker knew what was going on all along and let the singer continue his tour. But I remember (and of course I could be wrong) at the time when Adam found the emails he went to Tucker about it, the next scene Tucker was talking to Audra and he told her knew nothing until she told him about the cover up and she's like Yeah, you didn't. That he only knew after the fact and there was nothing he could have done. Am I making things up?

Oh and edited to add, why is Tucker trying so hard to get back into Devon's life? Devon is a jerk. I mean if I didn't know better he's in a race with Nick to see who is the biggest sanctimonious jackass in town. Tucker is an ass himself but he looks pathetic trying to get in Devon's good graces.

Sorry for the rants. They are just really annoying me today. But I will be back for more tomorrow. Sigh.

Edited December 27, 2023 by pvandal

[Js Nana]

Attended a perfect two-days before Christmas annual *family get together at a younger relative's home, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself, especially since I've finally aged into being one of the family elders - it was great seeing the young adult generation of the family, a few of whom brought their truly significant others to meet the family, and I think everybody went home happy with what they got in the Yankee Swap.

* By family, I mean the descendants of my maternal grandparents, who had four children, two sons and two daughters, but only their daughters had children.

[Js Nana]

47 minutes ago, pvandal said:

Am I making things up?

From the 8/3/2023 Soaps.com: "The PR department of one of his labels sat on the information that one of their artists slept with several underage girls while on tour. It eventually came out but not until after the tour. Tucker found out after the fact and had his team bury the whole thing." So, Tucker only found out about things after the tour ended, not during it, but he did want steps taken to bury the story - he was pissed with Audra because she was supposed to have erased any incriminating information when Tucker sold the label.

[Julyolo]

If the site update was only to turn it into a mosh pit of ads, I guess JG was consulted? This thread has become as disjointed as his storylines.

[Waldo13]

BlueFang🕷️is slovenly enough without talking with her mouth full. The only thing worse is someone who chews with their mouth open. 

The bite of the spider woman 😝.  BlueFang🕷️is as alluring as the oder of 3 day old fish 🤢🤮.  What has changed?  BlueFang🕷️ is still an insufferable ass hat.  Jack chose Diane over her so now, to have Danny chose Christine over her, would be a bridge far.  Danny, what is your malfunction by just kissing BlueFang🕷️back. New and fresh BlueFang🕷️. I guess the same old shit can be new and fresh after a few years.  The way Danny seemed to be tempted by BlueFang🕷️ makes me wonder if he wasn’t tempted by underage “groupies” in the past. 

Audra, please tell me how this scandal will blow up your entire life?  Is NM going to fire you and you’ll be able to work again?  

 

[babyhouseman]

At least Phyllis can't do the pregnancy trick again with Danny. I hope.

[pvandal]

Thank you JS Nana. I remembered it mostly right. 

[Js Nana]

1 hour ago, Waldo13 said:

BlueFang🕷️is as alluring as the oder of 3 day old fish 🤢

There's something odd about her mouth, it's like her upper lip is too loose for her mouth, so that it kind of flops around - and when she gives out with a big grin, it looks like an angry dog's snarl.

[crowsworks]

2 hours ago, babyhouseman said:

At least Phyllis can't do the pregnancy trick again with Danny. I hope.

On this show? Expect baby Ava to turn up in 16 years if the show and the world survives.

 

On 12/17/2023 at 12:52 PM, Waldo13 said:

As a watcher of B&B, I can’t understand how the the lead actor and lead actress was even nominated let alone won the Daytime Emmy. 

Best plastic face??

If anyone should have been nominated and won the Daytime Emmy for best actress would be Sally. Putting up with Banana Breath🦍🦍🦍’s bad breath and unwashed body odor without tossing her cookies is a masterpiece of acting and going up and above for your craft. 

Bless her heart.

 

On 12/26/2023 at 1:10 PM, Kemper said:

 

Maybe the bright spot is perhaps they are finishing up storylines that have dragged on and on.  Yes, Crazy Talk.  Is "Cole" going to be a contract player? Coleen Z? 

 

 

can someone force feed Cole and Mop some Christmas cookies.

On 12/26/2023 at 2:32 PM, Julyolo said:

I tuned in late today, and at first when I saw Cole & Victoria alone in the living room, I thought it was a re-run of a "Walking Dead" episode. Victoria's protruding collar bones coupled with Cole's emaciated face makes for quite an uninspiring duo. Then by the end of the episode, I realized their "discussion" was to foreshadow the fact Claire is obviously being fast-tracked into a  "Newman loyalty badge " narrative, because she chose to save Nikki, and throw her Auntie J under the bus. Left me wondering why Adam saving Chance and Faith just isn't enough to get him the Newman "family loyalty badge", until I remembered that even people who get saved on this show are ranked. Saving the wife of TGVN, must apparently merit any rescuer with the highest rewards that the family can bestow.

Cole and Vic (Vile?) can save on the inevitable bedroom set. They can def make out on a couch. OK maybe they'll slip behind the cushions with the change and lost cheetos.

Was I the only one who got hoarse shouting "Hit her with that bottle!" ?

Oh and Cole saying I know where Nikki is and the Newman brain trust spent 10 minutes debating, going after her. 

This is on par with Fire Country(?) where folks stand around talking about the leads love life until the boss suggests they put that lady on fire out,

[crowsworks]

Go! Now!

Nick surprised me by calling the cops.

[One Tough Cookie]

27 minutes ago, Js Nana said:

Tucker found out after the fact and had his team bury the whole thing." So, Tucker only found out about things after the tour ended, not during it, but he did want steps taken to bury the story - he was pissed with Audra because she was supposed to have erased any incriminating information when Tucker sold the label.

That's exactly how I remember it.

[Desperado]

Hello, everyone!

In the spirit of the Holidays I thought I should watch a few episodes. I loved CZ on ATWT but couldn’t master the courage to watch an imprisoned and now drunk (again!) Nikki.

I would’ve preferred CZ as a recurrIng corporate mogul since Y&R can’t get over the corporate aspect which is rinse, repeat, boring with Tucker being the villain, again and Kyle being an annoying ping pong ball.  At least she would’ve given the joint some much needed class.

Speaking of rinse repeat, although I don’t mind Cricket, Danny is so cringe and Phyllis butting in… Yuck.

It was nice to see Lauren and Michael (and the actor looking so healthy), although they looked quite orange on my screen - bed scenes require it apparently.

I don’t know why I expected better of Christmas episodes.

Wishing you all a wonderful New Year filled with health and laughter.

P.S. In spite of being 100% sober, I mistakenly posted this text in the backstage thread - apologies for duplication, but double the wishes!

[Peppermint]

Phyllis's mouth going directly from dinner plate to Danny's lips was a bit off-putting for me...no slipping into the loo for a quick swish of mouthwash...but then Danny putting a lip-lock on the Bug immediately afterward....Yuck. 

Christine " Ah, you had Chef Giorgio's Pasta a La Intrigue tonight" . Well, no. 

Remembering Danny as a sex bomb...and Danny now, kind of of an aging limp Richard....it is painful. 

Seeing Loren, Michael and Christine all cozy together....forgiveness is possible.

Can I have a map-blueprint-clue...WTF is going on with the Jabot-C/W- Glacade mess ?? 

Kyle, go back to a cushy job with Jabot.

Billy, get therapy and pursue a career far, far away from your relatives.

Devon, and all foster/biological/ relatives of Neil, cumbaya...[sp] ...

Mamie, go on a cruise with John Abbot's ghost and jump overboard.

Audra...Poof !!!

Ashley & Tucker...be trapped in an underground wine cellar until you work out your issues and admit your undying love.

Happy New Year to all !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Peppermint]

Question...when in combat with someone with a weapon and they are disabled and the weapon is lying about available to grasp...what do you do first ??

1. Crawl sniveling into a corner.

2. Render aid to someone else in the room.

3. Scream threats and insults to the disabled former weapon holder.

4. Rush frantically about looking for escape.

5. PICK UP THE FREAKIN' WEAPON AND HOLD IT AGAINST THE ENEMY AS YOU CALL THE COPS.

HELLO, Nikki, and all the other idiots who follow the scripts.

Rant over. Note to self...this is NOT real life...chill.

[Joimiaroxeu]

6 hours ago, Peppermint said:

Mamie, go on a cruise with John Abbot's ghost and jump overboard.

Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

Quote

At least Phyllis can't do the pregnancy trick again with Danny.

I wouldn't put it past JG to try it. He simultaneously thinks we all have amnesia yet also remember characters and storylines from 30 years ago. 🙄

[Chatty Cake]

I want Aunt Jordan to keep kidnapping people. This time she could kidnap Phyllis and Tucker. And Kyle.  Also Billy and Chelsea. Maybe Devon. Oh and Nick again. Summer. And Mamie. That’s it.
 

[NinjaPenguins]

Dear Buttbiscuit;

You’re my only hope. I feel trapped in a nightmare, running from some unknown horror that is both relentless and elusive. I’ve never bought into the whole ‘cryptid’ craze, despite the credible sightings of a juvenile Sasquatch on Newman property. My stalker finally showed herself, boldly approaching me with an unnatural undulating gait. The creature had a shiny red pelt, bioluminescent blue fangs and vocalized in a strange, breathy cadence. Her tongue must secrete some sort of narcotic agent, because upon being licked, I felt strangely compelled to lock lips with her. Coming to my senses, I quickly realized this humanoid spoke in strange riddles, whispering about melting history and spicy, exotic sex. I managed to calm the creature down, and she disappeared as quickly as she’d pounced. Deep down, I know she’ll be back, lurking in my peripheral vision until the urge to strike overwhelms her. Please help.

Signed;

The Hunted

Dear Hunted;

I contacted Genoa City’s most respected cryptozoology organization, Cryptid Analysts and Writers, Cryptid Association West. Here is what they have to say: The witness has caught the attention of a Phyllisoraptor, one of the Midwest’s most cunning cryptids. Do not make eye contact; she will see that as encouragement. Do not let the phyllisoraptor lure you to a secluded location; what she does to her prey before disposing of their carcass in a lake or concealing it in a rolled carpet for future use is too graphic for a humble small town newspaper. Document every encounter or possible sighting. Don’t be put off by the cryptid hunters’ foreboding prose. I have tangled with the raptor and emerged unscathed. Let’s keep it real, though. She doesn’t secrete any kind of drug; you kissed her because it flattered your has-been ass to have two women chasing you. I hit that because I’m always competing with my brother and thought bagging his wife gave me some kind of victory. I knew what I was doing and so do you. Word of warning! The phyllisoraptor can only successfully produce offspring with mates she’s not married to. Double wrap your microphone if you get the urge to pump up the jams. I laminated my dick at the local library before sticking it in crazy and I’m glad I did.

Dear Buttbiscuit;

Awwww yeeeaaaahhh. With my Uncle Bitchcakes out of the way, I’m making mad corporate magic at the family company. My mom has been deploying me on the most crucial missions because I’m her smart, special and handsome boy. My dad is going to be blown away by my mad scheming skillz, unless I decide to kick his azz to the curb and rule over the cosmetics kingdom with my special lady. The world is my oyster. I can’t stop smiling like the charming rogue I am. Wheeeeeeee!

Signed

Handsome, Inc.

Dear Handsome;

The world may be your oyster, but you’re allergic to seafood, remember? Is your uncle truly out of the way, or is he holed up in a safe, comfortable place waiting for you to fuck up so he can ride to the rescue. I bet your uncle will never be taken for granted again once your dad has had time to really appreciate the carnage and catastrophe left in your wake. You’ll never beat your uncle at underhanded deviance, kid, so best not to try. Btw, your perpetual smile is more accurately classified as a smirk and would provoke Gandhi to punch you right in your stupid face. Dipshit.

Dear Buttbiscuit;

Would you come get your nephew? It’s so difficult to watch someone strut around like the ultimate player, knowing you could easily fold them like towel and stuff them into a front loading washing machine with one hand tied behind your back. Has anyone thought to tell him he looks like a toilet brush with his hair like that? I don’t feel like that beehived squish mitten is worth my time, though he keeps pestering me and my longtime partner in crime. I need to focus my game on vengeance against you and Jack and Ashley. Your media bombshell has ruined my relationship with my son and possibly gotten me ejected from my grandson’s life. Yeah, it’s my fault, honestly, and I could have handled things better, but even when my son is serving me truth, he dips it into the sauce of sanctimony. I know he inherited the iron pole Neil used to keep up his ass, but it’s like he’s been looking for an excuse to scold me. You guys gave it to him. I haven’t decided what sort of revenge I’ll rain down on you specifically. I can’t think of a way to make you uglier. Maybe I could deploy a really annoying lady to seduce you and then embarrass you by wearing eye-searing schmatta. Shit, I’m late to that party. Glacade sells a nostril spreader that - never mind. I’ll think of something. Surrender is not an option.

Signed;

Tucker McCall’s Overdrawn Fucks to Give account

Dear Tucker;

Big talk from a man withering under the intense glare of media scrutiny. Don’t you see? I’ve already won. No, I won’t be coming to fetch my nephew. He’s your problem now. Hahahahahaha! That’s what they call the long game, bitch! Do not stare long into his smirking face lest it stare back into you. He’s a carbuncle attached to your partner in crime, so you won’t be able to excise him without making a clean break from her. Dude, he’s so dumb he doesn’t even know who writes this column, but he is housebroken. Maybe. You can possibly try to appeal to Jack’s fatherly feelings, but he’d honestly prefer that asshole Summer be his only child, which tells you all you need to know. I guess I’m sorry about your son acting like he never fucked his blind father’s wife and is a saint, but you cover up a cover up of statutory rape, you get what you get. Btw, I find it interesting that the creeper pop star has no name. What a terrible choice when repeatedly wedging the scandal into every fucking script. Make something up, faceless, creatively bankrupt dillweed who writes our lives. 

[MollyB]

21 hours ago, Joimiaroxeu said:

How tired am I of the widespread vilification of Tucker?

Tucker:Abbotts as Adam:Newmans.  Ya gotta have somebody in the family to blame for everything and feel superior to.

 

11 hours ago, Peppermint said:

Phyllis's mouth going directly from dinner plate to Danny's lips was a bit off-putting for me...no slipping into the loo for a quick swish of mouthwash...but then Danny putting a lip-lock on the Bug immediately afterward....Yuck. 

This is why we need a vomit emoji.  That whole scene made me terrifically sick.

I don't see why Danny is such a draw for these women.  Please tell me it is not for the sex.  =insert vomit emoji here=

11 hours ago, Peppermint said:

Mamie, go on a cruise with John Abbot's ghost and jump overboard.

Is there such a thing as a New Year's Wish List?  This would be at the top of mine.

[boes]

Show seems to be making Devon into the "You kids get off my lawn" guy.  I'm assuming his constant annoyance at the failures of selected people must be so exhausting that he can't even pretend to smile anymore.

Tucker has his failings and they're plentiful, but Devon's had his as well.  As I remember it, Devon's been trying to ditch Tucker as father material since the character first appeared.  I don't remember him ever being much more than grudgingly nice.

When Devon stops being so obsequious to Victor with his "Mr. Newman" shit and starts dishing it out towards that reptilian gorgon, then he'll get more of a pass on his harshness with Tucker.

Till then, well, Youhaveaniceday.

Edited December 28, 2023 by boes

[Joimiaroxeu]

So I haven't watched today's episode yet but I saw enough in passing to create this mini poll:

What's wrong with Tucker's memory and impulse control?:
    a) brain tumor
    b) brain tumor
    c) brain tumor
    d) all of the above

That's probably the only way the show can redeem Tucker now, especially if Ashley's recall of the events in Paris is proven correct. Ehh.

Quote

beehived squish mitten

My brain can't even form a visual of this. 🤯

[MsMalin]

I don't know how we will know the correct version of what happened in Paris unless there was a camera there, but it did cross my mind that someone has a brain tumor. Maybe that would explain Tucker's bouts of extreme anger.

Speaking of cameras, I was surprised that sneaky Lucy took a picture of her parents apres fuck. I guess that somehow Lily will get it.

Edited December 28, 2023 by MsMalin

[Pop Tart]

2 hours ago, Joimiaroxeu said:

That's probably the only way the show can redeem Tucker now, especially if Ashley's recall of the events in Paris is proven correct. Ehh.

Not convinced they'll try to redeem him. I think the actor was getting so much great buzz for his portrayal and everyone was loving him. That means he had to be taken down as no one can be bigger than EricBraedenGreatVictorNewman.

Separate note: what's the over/under on how long before Claire is named co-CEOCOOCFO of Newman Enterprises and Adam is pushed even further aside? I give it a month.