S01.E11: If It Doesn't Spark Joy

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Quote

Wade considers moving his relationship forward with Anna (Sarayu Blue) if his daughters approve of her after they all meet.  Delia, Grace and Natalie realize how priceless their memories are of Jill are as they prepare to sell some of her belongings at a garage sale.

Original air date: 1/9/20

[theredhead77]

Life is messy. I hope this isn't the last of Anna. I don't want to see her pining and waiting for Wade but I would like to see her again, perhaps a chance meeting down the road after her return from Botswana and Wade has had time to deal with his new feelings and this phase of grief.

[Harvey]

I am not sure why the show writers decided to go with this yard sale oriented storyline for Delia, it was really predictable and therefore it didn't have the kind of emotional impact they probably wanted it to have. I did love Forrest's joke about being impressed by Delia's food ordering skills despite being a busy doctor, that was a good one.

 

[Brian Cronin]

Goggins is an excellent actor and he handled his big scene well, but the whole thing really didn't ring true to me. It was way too "The show is about a single guy and we only signed this actress for X episodes, so they have to break up now" for me. And come on, I'm a dude who obviously watches a lot of TV, so I'm totally fine with the fact that shows like this are GOING to have actresses come and go and that the format of the show isn't going to be dramatically changed mid-way through the first season, but you have to do a better job of making the break-up be natural. 

She has to go Botswana and they drift apart? Fine. 

Hundreds of other viable options for why they would break up? Fine. 

He has one sad moment and suddenly he's not ready to be in a new relationship/have sex? Doesn't track. 

Ending the night there was totally fine, but no one just breaks up over that. It didn't feel believable.  

[Lady Calypso]

8 hours ago, Brian Cronin said:

Goggins is an excellent actor and he handled his big scene well, but the whole thing really didn't ring true to me. It was way too "The show is about a single guy and we only signed this actress for X episodes, so they have to break up now" for me. And come on, I'm a dude who obviously watches a lot of TV, so I'm totally fine with the fact that shows like this are GOING to have actresses come and go and that the format of the show isn't going to be dramatically changed mid-way through the first season, but you have to do a better job of making the break-up be natural. 

She has to go Botswana and they drift apart? Fine. 

Hundreds of other viable options for why they would break up? Fine. 

He has one sad moment and suddenly he's not ready to be in a new relationship/have sex? Doesn't track. 

Ending the night there was totally fine, but no one just breaks up over that. It didn't feel believable.  

Honestly, I kind of feel the opposite. I like how they broke up Wade and Anna BECAUSE they didn't go the usual trope of Anna leaving town or something else. It felt natural that it happened this way, at least to me. It makes sense for Wade's first serious relationship after his wife died ending like this. Sometimes, it's not a dramatic break-up. It's just a realization that he's still not quite ready for anything serious.

I understand that they only had the actress for three episodes, so I get why it felt sudden. But I think they did a good job at setting up the break-up. 

And I think Anna was just recognizing that he wasn't ready and didn't want to keep going with a relationship where Wade was still mourning his wife. To be fair, Wade's friends, especially Delia, had pushed him super hard to get into dating and Wade has always been hesitant on the relationship side of things. 

I guess I just like how quiet their break-up was. They also weren't super deep into their relationship, so it could have ended up worse. Plus, I think this first season is all about Wade figuring out how to move on after his wife's death, and that works for me. I get that it won't work for everyone.

I liked the scene where Delia was finally dealing a little bit with the death of Jill. I felt like I FINALLY got some sympathy for her. Her and Forrest have almost felt like caricatures so far, so I'm always happy for a moment like this, where we can actually see how Jill's death affected her.

[paigow]

After Wade finishes his fancy walkway project, he will get on a plane for Botswana....but crash land in Casablanca; obviously, the impact knocks him out and he wakes up with jumbled memories...

[Driad]

Has anyone explained what "unicorn" means in the context of this show?  I have seen some discussion but not a real explanation.

All I know about unicorns is that only a virgin can catch one. Probably that is not what the show is about.

[ShortyMac]

1 hour ago, Driad said:

Has anyone explained what "unicorn" means in the context of this show?  I have seen some discussion but not a real explanation.

All I know about unicorns is that only a virgin can catch one. Probably that is not what the show is about.

He's a "unicorn" in the dating world, that doesn't seem to exist, or is rare. From the official show description:

He's a hot commodity with women, and his friends explain that he's the perfect single guy: employed, attractive and with a proven track record of commitment.

From the pilot episode:

Michelle: You are a unicorn. 

Wade: I'm a what? 

M: A unicorn. You know, that elusive creature that all single women are looking for. See, most of the men on these dating sites are having midlife crisis. They're getting divorced. 

Delia: Mm-hmm. Yep. 

M: They're buying Porsches. They're hooking up with 25-year-olds.

D: You are a devoted father, you are a devoted husband, and not for nothing, you haven't had sex with anybody besides Jill in, like, 20 years, so you're factory fresh, buddy. 

[slasherboy]

I have an old fuddy-duddy question.  Do grown ass adult men with teenage daughters really and truly discuss when and where they're going to have sex for the first time with a woman?  Maybe a nudge to a man friend, "Tonight's the night" but to have a round table discussion with all his friends?  

Told you it was a fuddy-duddy question.

Does anybody know the dogs' names?

[tennisgurl]

I thought the break up was sad, but realistic. Honestly, I've thought for awhile that Wade isnt as ready to date as he thought he was, and I kind of hope that he takes a little break now. I can buy that he really did like Anna, but when he came time to make things more serious, he just couldn't make that leap. I much prefer this to Anna suddenly becoming a jerk or something so that Wade wont settle down with the first women he gets somewhat serious with. 

Also nice seeing Delia dealing with some of her grief, and a nice reminder that it wasnt just Wade and the girls who lost someone important to them, it was their whole friend group. 

[possibilities]

I honestly thought a year was too soon for him to start dating again. I know two people whose partners died and a year later they were both still complete and total wrecks.

[ShortyMac]

6 hours ago, slasherboy said:

Does anybody know the dogs' names?

Linda, and Joyce.

[Gothish520]

6 hours ago, possibilities said:

I honestly thought a year was too soon for him to start dating again. I know two people whose partners died and a year later they were both still complete and total wrecks.

Conversely, I know people who were happily married who started seriously dating within a few months of losing a spouse. 

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Delia's explanation about how she knew exactly what to order for Anna was creepy but hilarious.

[Lovecat]

12 hours ago, Gothish520 said:

Conversely, I know people who were happily married who started seriously dating within a few months of losing a spouse. 

My now-husband was one of those people.  We started dating only 6 months after his wife died.  We were lucky to have support from all corners, including his late wife’s family, who celebrated joyously with us at our wedding five and a half years later.  Everyone just wanted him to be happy.

[Gothish520]

My father is one also. Started seeing a woman three months after my Mom's passing. The family as a whole was a bit thrown at first, but he had been through hell for the past four years with my mother's illness and he deserved some joy in his life. They aren't married, but I'm grateful that his girlfriend has been there to help him carry on.

[andidante]

Wade tearing up while talking about his wife made me tear up! Got me right in the feels.

[Aliconehead]

When someone has a terminal illness, the caregiver often grieves before the death. So while it seems quick to others, they have already processed their loved ones death.  Also it’s been proven the men that were in happy marriages tend to remarry faster after being widowed than women in happy marriages that are widows. 
 

So Wade’s trying to move on so soon made sense to me. 

Edited January 14, 2020 by Aliconehead

[ElectricBoogaloo]

I don't mind Wade trying to move on, but I also think it's fine that he realized that as much fun as he was having with Anna, he isn't ready for a serious romantic relationship or sex yet. Everyone grieves and heals on their own time table. Just because some people are ready to get married a few months after a spouse dies doesn't mean that everyone else has to, which is why I was so annoyed with all of his friends for pushing him to date.

I'm all for pushing him to take better care of the house (because things did seem a bit of a mess in the first episode) but no matter how old you are when your spouse dies, there's no rule that says you have to date or marry again. If you truly don't want to, then don't. It's one things for your friends to be supportive and encouraging. It's another  for them to keep peer pressuring you to do something that you clearly don't want to do, no matter how good their intentions are. If you're not emotionally ready, it's also not fair to the people you're dating.

[Gothish520]

I do agree that his friends hounding him has been too heavy-handed. And it's not just Delia, Michelle and the guys have been rather insistent as well. I get that they are worried about him, but they could ease up a bit.

On 1/14/2020 at 2:48 PM, Aliconehead said:

When someone has a terminal illness, the caregiver often grieves before the death. So while it seems quick to others, they have already processed their loved ones death.  Also it’s been proven the men that were in happy marriages tend to remarry faster after being widowed than women in happy marriages that are widows. 
 

So Wade’s trying to move on so soon made sense to me. 

So very true, and it applies to other family members as well. I was as mentally prepared as one ever can be for such things, whereas a couple of my siblings were in denial until the end. They didn't start processing and grieving until my mom had passed.

[Crs97]

On 1/11/2020 at 3:28 AM, Gothish520 said:

On 1/10/2020 at 9:13 PM, possibilities said:

I honestly thought a year was too soon for him to start dating again. I know two people whose partners died and a year later they were both still complete and total wrecks.

Conversely, I know people who were happily married who started seriously dating within a few months of losing a spouse. 

I was an estate attorney, and when a wife died the general rule was that the harder the husband sobbed during the initial meeting, the faster he was dating/remarried, sometimes before we finished with her estate.  If the husband died first, the wife never started dating right away, and if she did eventually remarry she was more surprised than anyone else.  So I am not wild that it has only been a year, but it is quite realistic.

I love how the couples are happily married and really love each other.  We just found this to binge watch and cannot wait for season 2!!

[Gothish520]

15 hours ago, Crs97 said:

I was an estate attorney, and when a wife died the general rule was that the harder the husband sobbed during the initial meeting, the faster he was dating/remarried, sometimes before we finished with her estate.  If the husband died first, the wife never started dating right away, and if she did eventually remarry she was more surprised than anyone else.  So I am not wild that it has only been a year, but it is quite realistic.

I love how the couples are happily married and really love each other.  We just found this to binge watch and cannot wait for season 2!!

Glad you found it, it's a great show!

[love2lovebadtv]

On 1/10/2020 at 10:35 AM, Lady Calypso said:

Honestly, I kind of feel the opposite. I like how they broke up Wade and Anna BECAUSE they didn't go the usual trope of Anna leaving town or something else. It felt natural that it happened this way, at least to me. It makes sense for Wade's first serious relationship after his wife died ending like this. Sometimes, it's not a dramatic break-up. It's just a realization that he's still not quite ready for anything serious.

I understand that they only had the actress for three episodes, so I get why it felt sudden. But I think they did a good job at setting up the break-up. 

And I think Anna was just recognizing that he wasn't ready and didn't want to keep going with a relationship where Wade was still mourning his wife. To be fair, Wade's friends, especially Delia, had pushed him super hard to get into dating and Wade has always been hesitant on the relationship side of things. 

I guess I just like how quiet their break-up was. They also weren't super deep into their relationship, so it could have ended up worse. Plus, I think this first season is all about Wade figuring out how to move on after his wife's death, and that works for me. I get that it won't work for everyone.

I liked the scene where Delia was finally dealing a little bit with the death of Jill. I felt like I FINALLY got some sympathy for her. Her and Forrest have almost felt like caricatures so far, so I'm always happy for a moment like this, where we can actually see how Jill's death affected her.

I agree. I thought it was realistic and I preferred this to some overly comedic or dramatic or just plain dumb reason for their breakup.

And yes, I loved seeing Delia have a real moment about her friend. They were couple friends and I know she loves Wade but up until now, it wasn't really clear that Jill was her friend, too (except for the Thanksgiving episode). It was sweet. 

[love2lovebadtv]

On 1/14/2020 at 2:48 PM, Aliconehead said:

When someone has a terminal illness, the caregiver often grieves before the death. So while it seems quick to others, they have already processed their loved ones death.  Also it’s been proven the men that were in happy marriages tend to remarry faster after being widowed than women in happy marriages that are widows. 
 

So Wade’s trying to move on so soon made sense to me. 

Made sense to me, too. It's not that they have forgotten their spouse; it's that their grief process started before the death. And yes, men in happy marriages tend to like being married and will remarry a lot quicker than the other way around. 

On 11/9/2020 at 8:36 PM, Crs97 said:

I was an estate attorney, and when a wife died the general rule was that the harder the husband sobbed during the initial meeting, the faster he was dating/remarried, sometimes before we finished with her estate.  If the husband died first, the wife never started dating right away, and if she did eventually remarry she was more surprised than anyone else.  So I am not wild that it has only been a year, but it is quite realistic.

I love how the couples are happily married and really love each other.  We just found this to binge watch and cannot wait for season 2!!

I do love the couples. And yes, a year is not a long time on one hand. But for a widower who was happily married, it's a long time to not be married. That's just how it is.

On 1/14/2020 at 2:48 PM, Aliconehead said: