the-grey-lady

Is your place stuffed with dusty tchotchkes? Are you going to try to convince me to join your downline to sell flimsy, fugly clothes? Are you fun to hang out with, and not a sourpoass who talks in self-empowerment gibberish?

You are far kinder than I am (that is not sarcastic). The "one family" dream is now kaput because he ruined it. He wanted four wives and eighteen children to assemble for the holidays, without given the majority of them any reason to want to.

Kody in a nutshell. He used to do that In Vegas—flit frantically from house to house slamming the doors to announce his presence, as if he was so overwhelmed with all his responsibilities that he just could not slow down to catch his breath. Sure, Jan. Maybe if he had been making a sincere effort to care equally for four wives and eighteen children. Which he was not.

Kodouche is the biggest ass hat that ever lived in this fambly. FTFY

For $6k I want a guarantee, in writing, that Meri won't be there.

My husband and I when we'd been married a month (probably): Me: Hey, we've been married a month. Him: Oh, yeah? How about Chinese for dinner? Me: I could eat some lo mein. But we had other things in our future to look forward to: hobbies, vacations, gatherings with friends, career advancement, grad school... The Rods and their ilk celebrate every little milestone because marriage and babies are all they have to celebrate. $10 of my own money (no grifting required!) says Jonathan and Kaylee treated Shrek and BME to that dinner.

Oh, that may be. I could have been making assumptions.

Hey, same. If I need blood pressure meds, I'll share with you. I seethed when he complained about Janelle living like a single woman, as if that's ever been a problem for him until now. For decades, he liked that Janelle was independent. He liked that she asked little of him. He liked that she made her own decisions. He liked that she needed him less than the other wives. He's only all up in his feels about her "disrespect" because he's reading shit online about his god given right to be the patriarch, which means Janelle is suddenly supposed to defer to him (i.e. dip herself in carbonite until he deigns to grace her doorstep).

I mean, he's been honest the whole time. He's not going to accept her, his wife isn't going to accept her, the rest of Sumit's family isn't going to accept her, and their society isn't going to accept her. Jenny keeps insisting on these meetings and saying "if she isn't going to be accepted" like there's any chance she might be. She isn't. She's heard it over and over again.

I want to give Gabe a birthday cake and a hug.

I totally get why people want Janelle to be more assertive in these confrontations with the King of Prairie Plague Pass, but I wonder if she's not the sort of person who freezes in stressful situations and needs time to collect her thoughts? Narcs are especially enamored with those people because they can rapid-fire insult and berate them, leaving them tongue-tied and unsure. Then the narc feels like they've "won." Not that being assertive would help Janelle's case, anyway. Nothing is going to distract Kody from his victim narrative, and he will retcon, lie, and gaslight as much as he needs to to maintain it.

And he never will define it. That was on purpose. If he gives Janelle a definition, and she lives up to it, then she can rightfully call him on his refusal to recognize that she's abiding by the rules. If he keeps the term ambiguous, and constantly changing based on his immature, narcissistic, self-absorbed whims, he keeps her guessing and constantly jumping to please him. He is constantly in a position to punish her for her "disloyalty," and that's what he wants: carte blanche to mete out vengeance from on high.

Right? Kody: We haven't been acting like a married couple for 30 years. Me: Then why didn't you say anything before now? Oh, right...because you were waiting for the right time to punish Janelle for his "disloyalty." Speaking of disloyalty, that creeped my shit out. He seems to define loyalty as his wives putting him first, at all times and in all circumstances (no matter how unreasonable he's acting), even ahead of their own children. Any deviation from this expectation, for whatever reasons (even requiring housing or necessary surgery for your kid) is an immediate rejection of Kody and grounds for shunning. You just know that whiny, narcissistic gasbag has been storing up grievances for years.

I can't tell whether these people are stupid, careless, or both.

Please tell me there's a hand supporting that newborn's neck...

Me a few seconds ago: Who's Austin? Me now: Oh, right...Nostrils.

With Derick? Oh god, no. I'm gonna take a pass.

You wanna carpool? Gas is pricey these days!

I feel like this is apropos.

I'm so glad your husband recovered! I hate the way Kody and Robyn parent. Also, I hate the way they...well, do almost everything.

Wow, he would manufacture any excuse not to see the non-Robyns.

Strong yet feminine? Brave yet humble? Innocent yet sharp? Playful yet deeply rooted? I just threw up a little in my mouth.

I doubt Jill cares what anyone else wants.

I'll never forget Kody's presentation about how much money they would make if they sold their houses right that second...and then the months that dragged by with no offers. Then, IIRC, he blamed the wives for insisting they move. I think it's a case of sunk cost fallacy. Kody has undoubtedly made her all kinds of promises, and she wants to believe he'll follow through. If she admits he won't, then she's wasted a lot of time putting energy and time into something that will never happen. Anyone who spent time trying to prop up a shitty relationship can relate. (I absolutely agree, btw, that Janelle knows CP won't happen. I just think she struggles to accept it.)

They have exactly the relationship Kody has always claimed he wanted for his wives—and they've excised him right on out of it. Glorious.