psychoticstate

So I see the f*ckery from last week continues to this week. Dr. Pepper, girl, why on earth were you even in Zack and Michaela's unused apartment of busted dreams and combative meltdowns? You clearly saw the footage of the Category 5 that Michaela turned into so why, WHY would you even try to attempt some sort of reconciliation? So Zack basically tells Dr. Pepper 50 different ways that he is out, he is done, he is finished with this entire experiment and most definitely with Michaela and her crazy ass. Dr. Pepper responds with a suggestion that they talk with Pepper in the middle as some sort of mediator/translator. I don't know. I'm confused. That goes about as well as expected, with Zack leaving because Michaela is totally gaslighting him and the entire situation. Note to Lisa Rinna: THIS is gaslighting. So despite film footage to the contrary and witnesses, Michaela now claims that she begged Zack not to leave her (I guess telling him to go, to bounce multiple times actually means "Please don't go" in Michaela's world?) and that because he left her, knowing she has abandonment issues, she then had a panic attack. Or should I say "panic attack" because that's some straight up bullshit. Is that what Michaela's family has termed her "episodes?" Because girl, that was not a panic attack. That was some next-level anger/control issues that exploded. Nope. No way. I'm angry that Dr. Pepper did not confront Michaela and call her on her bullshit. Zack was rolling his eyes and shaking his head while she was rewriting absolutely everything to show what a poor little victim she was and then left versus calling her a lying liar who lies directly to her face. But we all saw it. It's on video. Girl, bye. Johnny continues to be a total dick to Bao, leaving her at the apartment after returning from the couples retreat, still in his stupid pink shorts with boots. That's reason enough for divorce in my book. Turns out that he had a conversation with Bao's best friend (or should I say "best friend") Sara who Johnny was allegedly calling because they are both shopping for a new car. Yeah, doesn't sound right to me either. Anyhow, this supposed friend of Bao's basically told Johnny what a horrible partner Bao is and encouraged him to leave. Bao, you need to find new friends. And definitely dump this husband. It's very clear that Johnny is looking for any reason to choose divorce and make it look like it's all Bao's fault. Johnny, you suck. You should have been matched with Michaela. You'd both deserve the agony of being matched with the other. Brett and Ryan are still pretty much awkward with each other. Brett was going to show Ryan her childhood photos (as we are in the usual end of season episode where the MAFS-ers see where their spouses grew up, talk about childhood, etc.) but she found out literally ten minutes earlier that Ryan is on a dating app and was just matched with a friend or someone she knew. So clearly, she doesn't give a rip about sharing anything with Ryan. I know that's right. Ryan doesn't deny it but says that he wasn't active, he wasn't going to do anything until after D-Day, etc, etc. I don't know about dating apps nowadays but it seems to me that if you've gone on one to load your profile, etc., you're already doing something. And as Brett pointed out, they are one week -- ONE WEEK -- from D-Day. Could he not have waited seven days to do that? It's really disrespectful to her. She's still his wife and even though they both are going to decide to divorce, it's just disrespectful. Shame on you, Ryan. I feel badly for Brett. She seems like a fun, nice lady. Will Ryan even admit what happened? He seemed like he could have been into her when she and her breasts walked down the aisle and he admitted that after the honeymoon, he wasn't as attracted. If it wasn't the terrible bathing suit she wore, was it because she was as slobby during the honeymoon as she apparently was in the apartment? I understand that can be a deal-breaker for some - although I don't recall her apartment looking all that disorganized and crazy when she took him to see it. Producer shenanigans? Anyhow. Jose and Rachel. Yawn. Rachel does admit to Jose that she ended up calling her ex to come pick her up when Jose locked her out of the apartment and she spent the night at the ex's place. I'm still side eyeing that whole business. Do the MAFS-ers not have an emergency number for production? I know that Rachel went to the doors of some of the other MAFS-ers but was she tapping like a quiet little mouse? How was it that not one of them heard her knocking? Were any of them actually sleeping at their production apartment? So Jose obviously doesn't like that Rachel called her ex (understandable). I'm thinking that will be another index card on the fridge. Gil and Myrla. Not going to lie. Gil's story of how his dad was murdered choked me up. It says a lot about Gil and his mom, and his dad, that he turned out to be a decent man (from what we've seen.) I think he and Myrla definitely have differences with regard to finances, and they seem pretty large, but I think they are the only couple this season with a chance of making it the distance. Jose and Rachel are into each other right now but Jose is controlling and I have a feeling he will use the fact of Rachel calling her ex when she was locked out against her in a future disagreement. Zack has clearly already started the divorce proceedings (as he should). Bao should contact his attorney because she and Johnny have zero hope and she deserves so much better than this judgmental little twit who is flailing to find anything at all to disrespect and demean her. The "experts" have been a complete fail this season. There needed to be interventions on almost all these couples a long time ago.

I have been watching the last season for a good part of today and I've realized two things: I look forward to BD and I still maintain that Francesca was a huge asshole and the worst chief stew in BD and BD Med. Bring on the morons, to quote Captain Lee!

First things first, Lifetime, this was NOT an enjoyable or entertaining episode. Michaela needs help. We'll get back to her. Loved the ranch. I'm not a country person (hey there, Brett) but that looked like a nice, relaxing weekend (Michaela and Zak shenanigans aside). With a few others, I actually love Myrla. I think she is the most authentic MAFS this season. She is who she is and that's that. And I say that as someone who did not like her in the first episode(s) and who thought she and Gil had the worst match (before Michaela and Zak said "hold my beer.") Gil, honey, I am not as "princessy" as Myrla but I'd be thrilled too if someone told me they had booked the penthouse suite at the Ritz Carlton for me. Just saying. I liked the horseback riding but I'm with Myrla. I would want to move a little faster and get better views. Good on Gil for doing something that Myrla wanted to do and enjoyed (take note, Vincent from the ATL.) Hype! Yay, Hype! He was so chill coming into the house (and with all these lunatics around.) I consider Johnny a Class A Fuckwit (and I liked him at the start) but the doggy-bone cookies with Baxter's name and the sparklers was one of the sweetest tributes to a pet I've seen. What a wonderful thing for them all to do for Brett. Why did Johnny go to the couples retreat if his plan of action was to avoid Bao as much as possible? Bao deserves so much better. Johnny deserves a kick in the pants. Why didn't Johnny participate in the skeet shooting? Was it because Bao was down for trying it? He really does deserve that biggest drama queen crown Bao gave him. (Bao for the win.) Brett and Ryan are just consistent missed opportunities. Ryan says he wishes he could give Brett more support over losing Baxter. Well, why aren't you? Dude, you are a dog dad. You should be able to relate to her grief and even if you don't feel that she's the wife you wanted, she's a human being who is grieving. If you like her, even just a little, how hard is it to say "I'm here if you need me" and give her a hug? These things aren't difficult. Small children do them instinctively. I get these two are very awkward together but I think in part it's due to the fact that neither of them seem capable of having a conversation with the other. Have they not been capable of having a movie night at home, where each chooses one movie they like and then they can talk about that? Have they not spoken about past relationships? Do they talk about work? Do they talk to each other about anything at all? Lord, they are tiring. Rachel and Jose really didn't do much other than winning games of cornhole. Now for the nonsense. When Michaela clearly isn't living at the apartment and she and Zak turn up at the retreat saying that they are so happy, everything is perfect, speak your truth, etc., you just know it's going to get ugly. So they decide (off camera) that their plan of action is to decide to divorce on Decision Day but then basically date each other and try to work things out, without the entire "process" being involved. Well, that seems nuts. I mean, you're already married. I get wanting to work on things without the camera crew being present and all but Zak, honey, you have been shown the light. You have seen the many, many red flags, the first of which started when your new wife left you in Florida with COVID to return to Houston. Your relationship with Michaela is not healthy for either one of you. That said, I initially thought that Michaela was being attacked by a swarm of bees at Zak's talking about the divorce plan. WTH is wrong with her? This is exactly why he really don't want to be with her, IMO. I don't think he truly has any intention of dating her or trying to work things out after they divorce; I think he's trying to keep the peace (and his throat from being cut) as much as possible because Michaela ain't right. Why these couples think right before bed is the perfect place to have Serious Conversations is beyond me but here we are. Michaela flips out over the divorce plan and then tells Zak he can leave, she doesn't need him, she does not want to ride back to Houston with him the next day. So when he says he will leave right then, she flips again and says that she has no problems riding with him and she just misunderstood what he was saying. Say what now? Then they get into it again and Michaela tells him to leave and denies that she ever said she was down with riding back to Houston with him. Houston, we have many problems. Zak is not innocent but this is ridiculous. Michaela is two seconds away from burning the entire house down just to show Zak or take Zak out. Like I said, girl ain't right. Then after calling her sister and getting her sister involved, she pivots again and then tells Zak that since it's late (11 p.m.), he should just stay, go to sleep and then get up in the morning and he can leave. From anyone else, that makes sense. However, from Category 5 in the room with him, I don't blame him for being worried that he will be smothered by a pillow in the night. So Bao gets woken up and is listening and then watching (once the screaming match moves into the hallway) in horror. Even Hype, who is chilling in his bed, is looking at these two like "People, please." Love Hype! Long story short, Zak leaves - although it seems like the MAFS-ers who are still downstairs may have been in the process of calming him down and getting him to change his mind until Hurricane Michaela blows in. I have to say, were I in the market for a home in Houston I would never, EVER call Michaela the realtor after watching her here. After Zak leaves, Hurricane Michaela takes her damaging self back inside, where she throws a table, attempts same with the pool table, breaks at least one wine glass and then has to be restrained by someone in production before she slams the bedroom door. Girl . . . Jose needs to get his whiteboard out and carefully outline for Zak and Michaela what's what because we all know the "experts" aren't going to address the mentally ill/chemically imbalanced elephant in the room. This. Is. Not. Normal. Behavior. And this is not because Michaela has abandonment issues. This is much deeper than that. Shame on the "experts." Zak and Bao should be lining up to kick the experts in the teeth over their matches. Gah.

Big Kathy clearly effed her daughters up. She died in 2002 and they both have meltdowns when talking about it. (Not criticizing anyone getting teary over the loss of a parent, BTW.)

Erika's "feisty" is another person's "criminally liable." Allegedly.

Crystal knows Erika's full of it.

Even if we believed for a second that Erika was handing over every cent to Tom and had no access, why didn't she talk to the glam squad that was getting $40k a month and ask them to start sending Tom invoices for $50k or more and then put the difference into an account with her name on it? Her excuses and protestations remind me of when Princess Diana claimed she didn't make crank calls because she didn't know how to use a pay telephone. Uh-huh.

Boy, everyone but Crystal and Sutton are jumping on Erika's Victim Express. Jeebus.

So Erika's nasally voice apparently took a powder and her insanely dark, thick brows filled in. Dorito won the best dressed for me, followed by Garcelle. Erika looked like some deranged Hello Kitty anime figure. The shade of blue on Sutton was pretty but the dress was 80s all the way (shoutout to the 80s!) Crystal's dress was safe but boring. Kyle's dress was fine -- except for the belt buckle across her chest. Girl, it's October. Save the ta-tas month. Rinna. I'm not sure which was worse. Her "Priscilla" pony or that purple thing she wore. She must have gotten a memo that her diamond was in jeopardy because she was gunning for Garcelle with no real reason. And is there any doubt that Kyle was probably the person that told Garcelle what Rinna ALLEGEDLY (shout out to Erika!) said about Garcelle bringing race into the show? Overall I found part 1 fairly boring. Nobody cares about Dorito's issues with Garcelle. Rinna's issues with Garcelle were fake and forced. Nobody believes that Harry Hamlin told Rinna he was concerned about Garcelle because nobody believes that Harry Hamlin and Rinna converse off camera. Sutton should have jumped in and brought up that when Erika was not present, everyone had something to say but as soon as she showed up, they didn't say a word unless it was throwing Sutton under the bus. Erika can say that she didn't quit the Hos because she honors her commitments all she wants but we all know that she didn't quit because girl needs the money. Next week, I hope in addition to Erika's feet being held to the fire, it's brought up how often Kyle was shit-stirring and bringing stuff back up that had been squashed. And Bravo, WE KNOW that Halloween Kills is released this Friday and Kyle is in it. We didn't need promos every commercial break nor the fakity fake "Michael Myers" encounter Kyle had outside her door. She obviously knew it was coming and it was being filmed. Girl jumped at the thought of a real animal popping out at Crystal's party so if she had not been in on it, she not only would have seen "Michael Myers" much sooner (like as soon as she went out the door) but she would have nearly had a heart attack and jumped the entire length of her height.

Lord, this week was messy. I was married to a Jose and Rachel needs to get her things and peace out. If Jose is doing this a month in while being filmed and surrounded by production, he's got major anger issues. What's going to happen should you forget to pay a bill or make dinner or the kids wake him up in the middle of the night? I don't want to see Rachel on an episode of 20/20, Dateline or 48 Hours. I did love that Jose was totally read by the guys during the golf outing. They clearly knew he wasn't telling the whole story. I'm also glad to see they all seemed to believe that Rachel calling him a different name (and another "J" name) was not that big of a deal (it's not, especially given the circumstances.) I think Zach was halfway out during the non-honeymoon honeymoon. Michaela ran back to Houston, which would have made me feel a certain way (and not a good one). I get that Zach had Covid but she could have stayed and at least let him know she was there if he needed her. It seemed very selfish to go back to Houston (and still seems so to me.) And the morning meltdown where she called him a mother-effing liar and/or whatever else she said? Kind of like Jose, no? I'd be out. Again, to have this level of reaction and during the so-called honeymoon period is a major red flag. I agree with the poster upthread who mentioned that a tantric sex class for someone who isn't feeling attraction to his partner may not be the best move. Personally, I think Ryan could change his feelings about Brett if she went outside her comfort zone and went two-stepping with him or something like that. She's not his type but I think he also put a wall up when he saw that she wasn't into country pursuits like he is and seems freaked out/afraid by lots of things. (Of course I also initially liked Harry and Meghan as a couple so it shows you that my feelings are clearly skewered and suspect.) So while I will laugh and laugh when Harry and Meghan do eventually divorce, I want for Brett and Ryan to work out. I think Bao and Johnny are cute and have a good chance if they deadbolt the door on the experts. See Jose for assistance with deadbolts. From the first episode or so, I thought Myrla and Gil were going to be the obvious train wreck (see disclaimer above about my feelings being suspect and skewered) but I actually think they are cute and see a possibility. Gil is very patient and clearly devoted to making it work. Myrla is lucky that she was paired with him. At least she finally admitted that she has an issue with intimacy - he seems like the perfect (MAFS) partner for her in that regard. Right now, I feel like the only couples that truly have a fighting chance are Johnny and Bao and Gil and Myrla. Ryan isn't feeling it, Zach is fearful that Michaela is going to kill him in his sleep, and Jose is probably on an FBI wanted poster somewhere.

Who would have thought? Last week, PK was the MVP and voice of reason. This week, Kathy is making me laugh and I really appreciate her scenes. I thought my ex-husband could tell some whoppers when it came to lies but I think Erika's got him beat. And did she get her medical degree while working that pole or on the side when she wasn't being Erika Jayne? While I have heard it's not a good idea to be put under with a TBI, I'm fairly certain the doctors would know that too. And despite Erika apparently knowing everything that is going on with Tom (including the plethora of car accidents and vehicle rolls), now she's saying that Tom could have been shot, stabbed, etc., she just doesn't know? I mean, I understand by looking at Erika that no one has ever told her that less is more but that saying would certainly be relevant in her rehashings of the many pitfalls of Tom and Erika. Girl, bye. I've been to Del Mar but never traveled like these women. So jealous. What gorgeous suites. I did snort with laughter at Garcelle saying if she saw two twins in the hallway, she was out! What is the deal with them constantly picking on Garcelle? I think they're intimidated by her (well, except maybe for Kathy) because Garcelle truly generally has no fucks to give. Take that, Erika. Upthread Big Kathy was mentioned. Seriously, worst mother ever. Bad enough she was letting Kyle drive around L.A. at 13 but she turned the sisters against each other for years. What a miserable woman.

At long last, Lexi is fired. Of course, she should have been fired after assaulting Lloyd in the hot tub and being disrespectful and insubordinate to Katie and Malia -- and most certainly after putting her hands on Mzi. I think Mat is a vile person when he's drinking, he most definitely is a shit stirrer but he does his job without complaints and he doesn't put hands on people, so therein lies the difference. Katie's decision to not bring Delaney back will certainly not be a good one. While it's okay for her to say she's fine without breaks and working even harder, she should have talked to Courtney about it before nixing Delaney with Captain Sandy. Courtney may not be okay with forgoing breaks and working harder. And yes, one fewer stew means a larger tip, it means a larger tip for everyone, not just the two people whose workload increased. I don't think Katie realized that Delaney was pretty much doing all the work as far as laundry and cabins while Lexi stood by and complained and snacked. Malia can make excuses all she wants but she's in charge of the deck crew and so if David is injured, it's on her that she didn't report it to Captain Sandy. I have a sneaking suspicion that if everything with Lexi had not gone down at the same time, Sandy wouldn't have been so harsh on her pet but Malia had it coming. All these people drink like they're in the green room of the Jerry Springer Show but if they didn't, I guess they wouldn't bring the drama.

Which one?

It's taken me two days to post because I had to do some healing after hearing Lisa talk about milking a prostate or whatever. Ugh. Whatever kinky shit y'all get up to, Lisa, PLEASE for the love of baby Jesus, keep it to yourself. (And girl, based on what you did let slip, I would want more than a minivan too.) Deonte, please grow a spine and be at least as much of a man as Lisa. You don't need to talk to Nicolle about anything. Shut her phone off, burn Nicolle, Jr. and consider it a lesson learned for all concerned. She's a ho who is using you for your bank account. If nothing else, listen to your friend who, outside of the pets, is the smartest person on this show. I have to admit that I thought Tia was a guy in the previews. So why can't Brittany just tell Ray that her family has an issue with him having a record and they'll need to take it very slow with them? Girl, get a t-shirt made up that says that. You have a shirt for every other occasion. Ray's family seems decent and nice and Ray seems like he's focused on getting his life together. Doug just gives me the willies. Period, end of story. I appreciate that he has a job but please stop complaining about being hot or whatever because it has to be better than being locked up. Of course we have yet another LAL former inmate who's got to go to some hapless store owner and explain how they just got out of prison. Excuse me, Doug. The man with a bunch of diamonds may not feel super secure with you, knowing that you've just gotten out of prison. I guess at least Doug didn't tell him the longest he's ever been out of the pokey was 40 days. I was laughing like an idiot over Doug choosing the Remember the Crime Victims bench as the perfect spot to officially propose to Rachel. Now, I've never been to Detroit, have no idea bout 8 Mile but there looked to be other green areas that would have made a better proposal site than a memorial to murdered people. Just saying. And of course Rachel said yes and of course Doug is smiling and grinning over "social media" (what's her name?) Over at Angela and Tony Part 2's lot, Jeff has discovered that you can actually order shit online and they deliver it to you within two days! (And Anissa should be discovering that giving Jeff her credit card is a HUGE mistake.) So Jeff has ordered a drone on Amazon since he can't leave their property and this will allow him to see the world. If you see a random drone out your window, it's likely Jeff in his quest to see the world. What Jeff really needs to do is see about some teeth he can receive in two days. Anyhow, Anissa points out that there is a stack of Amazon packages on the front porch, compliments of Jeff and her credit card, and that he pretty much spends his days ordering shit and gambling online. Anissa, Anissa, Anissa. Girl, once he's maxed out your credit cards, he's going to be online with other women (if it's not already happening.) If Doug -- DOUG -- can get a job, surely Jeff can too. Or does he also ghost employers? Anyway, Angela's friend Tommy Anissa's friend Kyle is tired of Jeff's shit and tells Anissa Jeff's secret, along with his opinion that the timeline doesn't add up and he thinks this supposed child is younger than 18. We do too, Kyle. Jeff is tired of Kyle interfering, thinks it's none of Kyle's business (maybe you shouldn't have told him, genius) and then promptly flies his drone into a tree. You can pick them, Anissa. At least if Jeff and Kyle get into that seemingly inevitable fight, Kyle will only have about three teeth to knock out. So next week is the season finale? Huh? This seemed very short. We haven't seen hardly anything on Pickle and Josh. The previews . . . ummmm . . . how is putting Kristianna in a hat and vest dressing her up like Bonnie Parker? She looked absolutely disgusted. You would think John would learn from putting her on the spot with the truck bed wedding last time. And did Lacey say that she and Chane had been having sex six times a day? Or were my ears still traumatized from Stan and Lisa? If she did, okay, Samantha Jones, cool your jets. Y'all have like a half dozen kids and somebody in that house has got to be working. OF COURSE it seems that Lacey is on the phone with Chon. I look forward to two hours of fuckery on Friday!

So Erika is upset because what she told Garcelle about Tom calling her constantly was in confidence? You know, other than the camera crew that was FILMING IT. I'm guessing Erika was upset because what she told Garcelle doesn't mesh with what she told the other ladies about how she's had no contact with or from Tom since she jumped on her Huffy bike back in November. Girl, bye.

I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking this. This is not only the first time you see your stranger spouse but their families and all they're going to see is boobs (because that's all I can see.) The dresses wouldn't be so bad if they weren't cut down so low. It reminds me of tacky Kim Zolciak and her desire to show side boob on her wedding day. Klassy. That said, Bao looked absolutely gorgeous. In fact, her wedding day look may be my favorite in all of MAFS history.

I wholeheartedly agree. Other than Dougie, the only people I like on the show are the pets.

Bravo's casting decisions have never been more clear. Make sure every crew member is willing to drink as if they are going to obliterate their liver in one sitting and then wait. It worked on Jerry Springer. So Matt drank so much that he can't remember why he was angry and stormed off the boat? Lexi drank so much she not only cannot remember what she said to, basically, everyone but why she was mad? I guess she doesn't remember stating several times that she was Satan as she crawled into her coffin -- I mean, her bunk. I think Sandy made the right decision with regard to Matt. While his food was apparently good, he's just not reliable and you certainly can't have that on a chartered luxury yacht. (Matt, maybe this is a wake-up call for you to stop drinking.) I disagree 100% with Sandy's decision (assuming it's her decision) on Lexi. When a crew member is telling her direct supervisor to fuck off, is calling a deckhand a slur and is telling the ship's bosun to stand the fuck down, she's got to go. There is no redeeming that in my book. And that's not including her putting her hands on Mzi and on Lloyd. Honestly, WTF was Lexi so angry about anyway? I get the impression she's a spoiled, entitled little twit who's been coddled and skated by her whole life because she's been told she's pretty. (She is pretty but man, does she have an ugly spirit and soul.) She's clearly offended that not only does she have to pay for her own meals but she is actually expected to work and not just stand around and look pretty. I think Katie is a great chief stew but I would pay good money to see Kate eviscerate her. Choosing the path Sandy did, telling Katie to work with her and deal with it, sends the message to Lexi that she's probably always gotten -- she can do no wrong and it's always someone else's fault. If Sandy wasn't going to fire her, she should have at least told her in no uncertain terms that if she puts her hands on another crewmember again and/or she verbally assaults anyone, her mean-girl ass will be dropped at the closest dock or pier and she can take herself right back to her $8G a month condo in Miami.

I've never been on a luxury yacht (and I would think the same of some of the folks on this show) so forgive my ignorance but is it norm to have one chef to cook for all the crew and all the guests? If that's true, it's a bit ridiculous. It's not like the crew and guests are eating the same and I would be annoyed at never getting a break, nor having back up. That said, Matt was absolutely, positively in the wrong to jump on his Huffy bike and pedal away without telling Sandy. Sure, Sandy can be annoying and I still haven't forgiven her for Kiko, but she is his boss and if he's the only chef, that jeopardizes not only the next charter but potentially the season. Not cool, Matt. I wonder if it was more the alcohol talking than anything else - although he did seem pretty pissed that he had to cook for the crew. Does the chief stew not meet with the chef to go over guest preferences and what to order, etc.? Bravo, please stop with the mics in the bathroom. Not necessary. This was clearly the week for sloppy drunks, starting with Orbinson, Jr. and continuing on to Lexi. At least O, Jr. left the boat. Lexi can follow. She's disgusting. She takes mean girl to a whole new level. When I'm taking Malia's side and almost feeling sorry for her, whoever is forcing me into Malia's corner has got to go. What Lexi did to Lloyd is assault. Period. And from the previews, it looks like she hits Mzi, who has got to be one of the nicest people we've ever seen on BD. I would assume under normal (i.e., non-reality tv) situations, that act will get her fired. (Although telling your chief stew to F off seems like a fireable offense as well.) Katie continues to be an awesome chief stew. I am sorry for Courtney and the situation with her dad but her laugh is like nails on a chalkboard to me. Cringey. OF COURSE both David and Lloyd "like" Malia. They both immediately lose points from me for that alone. Malia is not the be-all, end-all. Frankly, that ugly tattoo would turn me away but I digress. We don't need some phony love triangle from TPTB in order to showcase their little sweetheart. Marten is totally hot. I thought the scene with the kids playing hide and seek on the boat was cute. That's all I've got.

I'll absolutely, positively read Kim's book. As soon as I can preorder it, I'm there. She's a nut but she's been in Hollywood a very long time and I'm sure she knows all kinds of dirt.

I had to check out my window after watching this episode for the pigs flying by because, outside of the Thomasina comment, I am really enjoying Kathy. She breaks the tension with her humorous comments and her (shall we say) naivete. Well done, Kathy. (But please stop calling Sutton Thomasina). I guess stirring the pot runs in the family because Kyle pulled out her spoon with the question on whether Amelia was traveling with Lord Disick. I'm pretty sure Lisa said last week that Harry wasn't too thrilled about the Hamlin, Jr./Disick hook up so unless you're trying to start something, Disick shouldn't have been brought up at all. But of course Kyle is happy to have someone in the hot seat so long as it's not her. I loved how Harry told Dorit and Kyle that Lisa had done nothing to prepare for the party she planned. Ha! Erika, I don't think anyone is going to feel sorry for you in your $10K a month rental. Sutton really had no business criticizing Crystal's leather pants (or anyone's outfit) while wearing that dress and she's way over-emotional but Crystal is a total smug asshole for someone who's only accomplishment appears to be marrying very well and spitting out two kids so I have to take Sutton's side on that count alone.

Move over and make space for me, @Caseysgirl, because I was feeling the same. Loving your family is one thing but she was beyond hysterical. That is NOT normal, and especially not from a 13 year old. I found myself feeling sorry for Mauricio being in this family full of criers and overreactors. I guess Portia will have a full-on breakdown when Sophia has to go back to school following the Christmas break? I love Garcelle. I didn't think I would like Kathy but her don't-give-a-fuck attitude is pretty damn funny. Mazel tov, Dorit! Ha. Shut up, Crystal.

Exactly what I thought too. She's putting on yet another performance. I have to wonder if they are worried about their own skeletons coming out of the closet. Who knows what Erika may know or have heard?

From the article @Persnickety1 linked. So Tom had a combined $130 million per his deposition testimony and it's all gone? Where the ever loving f*ck did $130 million go for two damn people?? That is INSANE. So Erika was subpoenaed to be deposed twice, in May and then again in September, two months before she filed for divorce and yet she knew nothing about lawsuits against Tom? Bitch, please! How many wives are subpoenaed to give depos about the assets they share with their husbands? My guess is that the "relationship of trust" etc. is code for "the bitch didn't return our calls, didn't provide us with documentation and didn't listen to us so we're out." The airing of the documentary probably has her running scared and so she finally listened to her attorneys, so they withdrew the motion to withdraw.

I wonder how many partners at Tom's firm knew about that $20 million loan? Both Tom and Erika will have to answer to that loan in a bankruptcy hearing. Tom won't be able to say he just gave his wife a $20 million loan. He'll have to show documents, how it was going to be repaid, etc. and explain if there are no documents. They will also have to explain exactly what that money was for and not just some vague reference to funding Erika Jayne and her "career." How long before the other Ho'wives start being honest in their confessionals? They are all being supportive of her at this point but surely once they hear the deets and realize what Tom and Erika have done, they will change their opinions. These are some of the victims they stole from, who lost loved ones in a plane crash. The money these folks should have received for losing a loved one instead went to fund Erika's monthly $40K glam squad bill.