Line Items: West Wing Quotes

[Kohola3]

I always wished he had been around more.

 

Me, too. I quite liked his character.

[PeterPirate]

JOE - You know, not for nothing, but the people that I talk to don't believe that story, and the people that you'd like don't care.

 

I've never had a problem with this line. To me it's the sort of thing guys will say to each other when talking about a difficult reality.  

 

 

I've used the line "There are rules and regulations" countless times. 

 

 

Then there's this from Bartlet For America:

 

BARTLET - Now is when people are listening. I'll make my speeches, get whooped on Super Tuesday, and we'll all go home.

 

This, I think, encapsulates the Sanders campaign. Hillary Clinton is Hoynes, the "prohibitive front-runner". Bernie Sanders is Bartlet, the insurgent who comes from nowhere to spoil the coronation.  

 

Sidenote: Eight years ago, we were all comparing Barak Obama to Santos. Although, with the benefit of hindsight, I think that numerous comparisons can be made to Bartlet as well.  

Edited January 23, 2016 by PeterPirate

[jaytee1812]

From Enemies:

Danny: I hear the President roughed up Hoynes in front of the cabinet.

CJ: from who

Danny: whom

CJ: shut up

Danny: okay

CJ: where did you hear it

Danny got 50 cents

CJ: yeah

Danny: then you can read about in my newspaper... Hey you wanna have dinner with me tonight.

CJ: no, tell me more about this

Danny: did it happen

CJ: on the record

Danny: yeah

CJ: absolutely not

Danny: off the record

CJ: what else is new

Danny: that's what I thought

[AriAu]

While Trump is catching grief for his shooting comment, I had a momentary thought that he was really just channeling Sorkin (thru Leo) in Game On-"to carry all 50 states, the President would only need to do 2 things....blow the Sultan's brains out in the middle of Times Square and then walk across the street to Nathan's and buy a hot dog"

Admittedly Trump was not talking about killing godless infidels just random strangers walking down the street, but just saying

[Guest]

Josh: "It's true, sir. America does not want Dr. Kevorkian to lead the country. We've got polling data on that."

[Kohola3]

"It's true, sir. America does not want Dr. Kevorkian to lead the country. We've got polling data on that."

 

Somebody better tell The Donald about that.  There will be firing squads to take out anybody that disagrees with him.

[Melancholy]

This is modeled after one of the oldest jokes in the book, but I still crack up every time:

 

C.J.: There's a snake over there. 

SAM: What kind?

C.J.: I don't know and I don't want to ask him. Can somebody shoot it, please? 

[Guest]

I'll never not love CJ.

"The President finds you all annoying, but not prohibitively debilitating."

[Guest]

CJ "Leo, we need to be investigated by someone who wants to kill us just to watch us die. We need someone perceived by the American people to be irresponsible, untrustworthy, partisan, ambitious, and thirsty for the limelight. Am I crazy, or is this not a job for the U. S. House of Representatives?"

[BigBeagle]

A lot of people posted way upthread about the episode in which CJ has the root canal. While Allison Janney absolutely killed it, another great line is Toby's exasperated, "I swear to God, CJ, if you say 'pwesident' or 'bwief' one more time ..." Something in Schiff's delivery just slays me every time I hear that line.

[Bastet]

Pretty much anything Toby and C.J. have ever said to each other was elevated by the actors' wonderful delivery.

 

Since a friend and I were just discussing our mutual dislike of Ainsley, and now I'm thinking about line delivery, I have to mention how much I love Allison's delivery of C.J.'s increasing agitation as Leo tells her and Sam - out where there are people, so they won't scream - that he's hired Ainsley.  The repeated "Are you kidding?"s are great enough, but then: "Well, what the hell made you think I wouldn't scream if there were people?!""

 

"I took a shot."

 

And then the two of them shouting his name. 

 

Hee.

[PeterPirate]

The current election cycle makes me think of this from The State Dinner:  

 

CJ (to Danny) - You're a rabble rouser, you know that? You rouse rabbles.

 

 

I'm a centrist myself, so I can apply this to certain candidates from both parties.  In the spirit of amity I won't use names.  

[betsyboo]

perhaps timely:

 

Bartlet: Charlie, I want to hire a woman whose voice I think would fit in nicely around here. She's a conservative Republican. Do you think I should do it?

 

Charlie: Absolutely, Mr. President. Cause I'm told that theirs is the party of inclusion.

[Melancholy]

It's a small scene in the The Midterms, a high impact ep but I always liked this conversation about Jed's former opponent  congressional race opponent running for a school board seat:

 

C.J.: Sir, do you think you're becoming obsessed with this race?

BARTLET: He's polling at 46%. He's not a joke. He's polling inside the margin.

C.J.: In a race for the Board of Education, in a school district that has 43 kids.

BARTLET: It has 1100 kids, and you don't take these people seriously 'cause they don't get anywhere nationally, but they don't have to. All they have to do is, bit by little bit, get themselves on the Boards of Education and city councils. 'Cause that's where all the governing that really matters to anybody really happens.

C.J.: We do a little governing here, Mr. President.

BARTLET: I'm on hold with a guy whose name I've got on an index card. How much governing do you think is going on around here today? And can you believe I'm on hold?

C.J.: You're not, sir. You finished the call.

BARTLET: I did?

C.J.: Yes, sir.

BARTLET: How'd it go?

C.J.: Very well.

 

And then:

 

BARTLET: You wanted to talk to me?

ZOEY: Not if you're in this mood.

BARTLET: (big sigh) This is real and a man, who makes the Spanish Inquisition look like a Barbara Walters Special, is now polling at 46% in your school district, for which I have personally baked things to raise money. (to C.J., clearly already anticipating the impending snark) You can go, too.

C.J. (amused): You baked things?

BARTLET (sternly): You can go. 

 

I think I enjoy Jed/CJ scenes most of all. 

[Bastet]

I think I enjoy Jed/CJ scenes most of all.

 

- Don't start with me, Mr. President.

- I was helping pass the time. I was being entertaining as well as instructive.

- I'm back in America now, I have rights. I'm no longer belted down next to the passenger from hell.  ... "If you'll look out the left side of the cabin, you'll see the fjords." Then we got a history of the fjords. Then we got a quiz on the fjords. Do you have any idea how much I would like to dress you up in lederhosen and drop kick you into the fjords right now?

[Moose135]

BARTLET: Were we talking about something?

C.J.: I don't know, sir. When I came in here, back in the late '50s, there was a purpose to it, but then one thing led to another and I blacked out. I mean, I can hang in there with the best of them, sir, but somewhere during the discussion of anise and coriander and the other 15 spices you like to use to baste a turkey, I simply lost consciousness.

BARTLET: You know that line you're not supposed to cross with the President?

C.J.: I'm coming up on it?

BARTLET: No-no. Look behind you.

[Guest]

Leo : "We've got to meet with Albie."

Bartlet : "He's going to scold me. He's been at the State Department since Truman. He thinks I'm a kid and that he outranks me."

Leo : "You'll be fine."

Bartlet : "I've got to tell him I lost a submarine. Can I make something up like say 'what if a friend of mine hypothetically...'"

"I'm going to bring a copy of the Constitution. Show him I'm not scared!"

[Guest]

"Why do you want to be President?"

"I don't."

"Well, we'll put that in the hopper and come up with a draft."

[morgankobi]

CJ: "Mrs. Helena Hodsworth Hooter Tooter"

[Bastet]

Toby, after Sam announces he's going to the gym for the first time in three weeks:  Sam, look at yourself. How much healthier do you want to be?

 

C.J., after Bartlet reads, "When in company, put not your hands on any part of your body not usually covered":  Well, I do what it takes to keep the press corps happy, Mr. President.

 

Bartlet:  They don't like that the daughter of the President is dating a young black man.

Zoey: Charlie?

Bartlet: Zoey, please don't tell me you're dating more than one guy. ... Because one guy for you is actually one more than I'm comfortable with.

 

Mandy: I think we should get a panda bear.

Josh: You say that now, but I'm the one who's going to end up feeding him and walking him.

 

Fast forward to ...

 

Toby: Mandy, I feel like I've lost 180 pounds. I'm smiling. I'm laughing. I'm enjoying the people I work with. I've got to snap out of this. What's on your mind?

Mandy: I want you to help me get the Chinese to give us a new panda bear to replace Lum-Lum.

Toby: Well, that did the trick.

 

I also love, "Then get us two regular bears, a bucket of black paint, a bucket of white paint -- bam, bam, next case."

Edited April 2, 2016 by Bastet

[Bastet]

A discussion this morning reminded me I use this (from Toby) a lot:

 

I don't know where you get the idea that taxpayers shouldn't have to pay for anything of which they disapprove. Lots of them don't like tanks. Even more don't like Congress.

[Kohola3]

I don't know where you get the idea that taxpayers shouldn't have to pay for anything of which they disapprove. Lots of them don't like tanks. Even more don't like Congress.

 

Kind of scary that so many of these quotes are timeless and are appropriate for today.

[Aethera]

"Who da man?"

"We like to think of ourselves collectively as 'da men' on this one sir"

[BigBeagle]

From "In This White House:"

 

Leo: Ainsley, the President likes smart people who disagree with him. He wants to hear from you. The President is asking you to serve -- and everything else is  crap."

[PeterPirate]

I saw Sarah Paulson being interviewed about her role as Marcia Clark in American Crime Story: The People vs OJ Simpson.  When the interviewer said that the show was certain win numerous Emmys, Sarah told her to turn around and spit. 

 

(Sarah was not on West Wing, but she is a Sorkin Player from her days on Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip.)  

[morgankobi]

It doesn't work unless you also curse, ask any theatre person!

 

 

Not a quote, but a music cue from King Corn (images listed out of order, I know)

 

(sung) "Desire" (Donna and Josh in their respective hotel rooms across the hall from one another.)

(sung) "Desire" (Vinnick looks longingly at a picture of he and his wife.)

(sung) "Desire" (Santos looks at his wife and sleeping children.)

(sung) "Desire" (Will looks at an ice cream bar in a vending machine.)

Edited April 7, 2016 by morgankobi

[Melancholy]

Not a quote, but a music cue from King Corn (images listed out of order, I know)

 

(sung) "Desire" (Donna and Josh in their respective hotel rooms across the hall from one another.)

(sung) "Desire" (Vinnick looks longingly at a picture of he and his wife.)

(sung) "Desire" (Santos looks at his wife and sleeping children.)

(sung) "Desire" (Will looks at an ice cream bar in a vending machine.)

 

I KNOW RIGHT? That bit cracks me up every time. 

 

To contribute, an underrated Leo/Jed scene from Stirred.

 

LEO: I was just briefed. They're setting up a joint operations command in Elks Horn. I wish I'd been here a half hour ago.

BARTLET: What would you have done a half hour ago that hasn't already been done?

LEO: I'd have known a half hour ago what I know now. This is exactly why I'm not going to my meeting anymore--it's a luxury.

BARTLET: I know. If only technology could invent some way to get in touch with you in an emergency. Some sort of telephonic device with a personalized number we could call to let you know that we needed you. Perhaps it would look something like this, Mr. Moto! [reaches into Leo's back pocket and pulls out a pager]

LEO: You should've called me.

BARTLET: Would you stop?

LEO: All right. Obviously we're coordinating with the governor's office and state FEMA in

Boise.

BARTLET: You know I've noticed that other people keep a set of comfortable clothes in their office for when they have to work late. I like that -- you should do that too.

LEO: I do that.

BARTLET: Oh. You should change.

LEO: You see me wearing a necktie?

BARTLET: Never mind.

[DebbieW]

I also liked when Jed pointed out that for the rest of the night he was going to be a half an hour ahead of Leo and Leo would just have to deal with it.

[Bastet]

I used this on my mom today:  I hung in there as long as I could, but you've long since passed the point when I stopped caring. 

 

(Due to the context of the conversation, I did not get to say, "If you're curious, it was right around raisin muffin.")

[Guest]

Jed to Leo: " Honey, if we're going to have this fight, can we not do it front of the Joint Chiefs? It just scares the Hell out of them."

[Eeksquire]

Moris: "In the event of a military coup, what makes you think the Secret Service will be on *your* side?

Bartlett: "Well, that's a thought that's going to fester."

It's a bummer that Moris was only around for one episode, because his banter with Bartlett was great, AND I bet he would have been let in on the MS had he stuck around.

[Guest]

Josh to Jed "of course not, sir. You're a much bigger cotton candy ass than they are."

[Guest]

Toby to Josh in Privateers:

""Was something on your mind that moment in law school when they taught that rule? Were you distracted by a bumblebee?""

[Guest]

Angel Maintenance

Toby: I sent Will to the Phillipines in my place.

Josh: It's not like they're not going to fix it. You don't have to feel guilty. 

Toby: No, I mean thank God I sent Will in my place.

[SingleMaltBlonde]

Everytime the media wrings their hands over Hillary not being a great speaker:

 

[Bartlet and Santos (the outgoing president and president-elect) ride to the inauguration together in a motorcade]

Bartlet: How's your speech?

Santos: It's got some good sections, but no "Ask not what your country can do for you..."

Bartlet: Yeah, Kennedy kind of screwed us with that one, didn't he?

[PeterPirate]

From ITSOTG1:

Nancy: It's worth mentioning that at this moment we do not know the whereabouts of about a half dozen cell leaders, including bin Laden, but that's not my concern right now.

[Aethera]

Every time I force myself to eat a salad, I hear Toby: "You could cover this thing in barbecue sauce and it would still taste like the ground". I really hate salad.

[Kohola3]

With my urge to scream daily (these damned elections are killing me) I harken back to a great sequence with CJ and Leo.

SAM What's going on?

LEO I wanted to tell you this out where there were people so you wouldn't scream about it.

C.J. Scream about what?

LEO The woman who was on Capital Beat with Sam Sunday night.

SAM What about her?

LEO I'm offering her a job.

SAM [sharply] Where?

LEO Here.

C.J. Are you kidding?

LEO No.

C.J. Are you kidding?

LEO No.

C.J. [getting louder] Are you kidding?

LEO No.

C.J. [shrieking] Well, what the hell made you think I wouldn't scream where there are people?! 

LEO I took a shot.

Edited November 5, 2016 by Kohola3

[AriAu]

Ok, to quote Will Bailey....... "I think it does matter who you vote for...how about if it said "no matter who you vote for, make sure you vote"." Game on... and I too think it does matter who you vote for, but we are  supposed to limit campaign chatter here....ok, can't help it-think about what kind of country you want this to be!

Edited November 7, 2016 by AriAu

[twinkietwin94]

Bartlet when finding out that Toby is the leak: Is it possible to be both shock and completely unsurprised at the same time?

[Moose135]

Well, nothing says Christmas like animal fables in iambic verse.

Happy Holidays, all!

[Snowprince]

Jed to Amy, Constituency of One:

"She has to be here to want things...and you don't have to be here at all".

Admiral Fitzwallace, Let Bartlet be Bartlet:

"I'm an admiral in the United States Navy and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff...beat THAT with a stick"

Edited February 10, 2017 by Snowprince

[Crs97]

Helen was not my favorite character, but I liked this exchange, which I am sure she started just to get Matt to smile before the inauguration:

Helen Santos: [waiting to step out for the inauguration] Man, I hope Janet Spraegins has her TV on. 

President Matthew Santos: Who? 

Helen Santos: Senior year. She beat me out for the last varsity spot on the swim team. 

President Matthew Santos: Guess what? 

Helen Santos: What? 

President Matthew Santos: You win. 

Helen Santos: [long pause] Though she did get Don Bolland to take her to the prom instead of me. 

President Matthew Santos: We'll call it even then. 

Helen Santos: Nah, I'm pretty sure Janet had to put out so Don would take her.

[Zola]

Season 2: "Ways and Means"

A lovely little scene between CJ and Ainsley. 

Quote

C.J. - I want you to get with one of your friends in the pressroom from a conservative paper.

AINSLEY - You really think we have a secret handshake, don’t you?

 C.J. -  Do you?

AINSLEY - Yes.

C.J. - Get alone with one of those guys, go off record, and say you can’t believe how the President can be claiming to waive Executive Privileges yet still reserve the right to withhold certain documents. Can you do that?

AINSLEY - "I can’t believe how the President can be claiming to waive Executive Privileges yet still reserve the right to withhold certain documents." 

C.J. - Yeah, do it quietly and kind of shake your head in disbelief.

AINSLEY - [shakes her head dutifully all the while speaking] "I can’t believe how the President can be claiming to waive Executive Privileges yet still..." 

C.J. - [follows her motions with her own head] You don’t have to keep shaking your head, just a little in the beginning.

AINSLEY - [shakes her head a little] "I can’t believe how the President can.." 

C.J. - Yeah, but think about...

AINSLEY - Okay, I’ve got it.

C.J. - Thank you.

Ainsley, was not only intelligent, shrewd and a little naive at times, but exceedingly cute too!

[Zola]

I was so pleased with the arrival of Bruno Gianelli at the opening of S3, purely because it was great to add some unexpected spice to what I saw as a fairly embedded, cosy, steady-as-she-goes senior staff, still stuck in neutral, and now trying to get over the MS revelation.

Bruno certainly gave Josh, Toby and Sam a tough time by waking them from their meandering narcosis! And I particularly enjoyed the following comment that probably underlined the mood of the White House at the time of the scandal and how to get back on message.

Quote

BRUNO - Because I am tired of working for candidates who make me think I should be embarrassed to believe what I believe, Sam! I'm tired of getting them elected. We all need some therapy, because somebody came along and said "liberal" means soft on crime, soft on drugs, soft on Communism, soft on defence, and we're gonna tax you back to the Stone Age because people shouldn't have to go to work if they don't want to.

And instead of saying "Well, excuse me, you right-wing, reactionary, xenophobic, homophobic, anti-education, anti-choice, pro-gun, 'Leave it to Beaver' trip back to the fifties," we cowered in the corner and said "Please, don't hurt me!"

No more! I really don't care who's right, who's wrong. We're both right. We're both wrong. Let's have two parties, huh? What do you say?

[Moose135]

That's one of my favorite quotes from the series!

[Zola]

Season 3 and "H-Con 172"

Sam is getting paranoid over a book a former staffer/photographer is about to have published. He's got all the senior staff in a meeting to discuss a strategy to "..turn this guy into a punch line"

Sam hands out extracts of the book to the staffers to look for anything inflammatory or hostile to the president and the White House. The following really cracks me up...

Quote

LARRY (quoting an extract from the book)-  "Bartlet was playing a round of golf with Toby Ziegler, the prickly, mumbling Communications Director whose inner, bitter darkness spelled the breakup of the one marriage we know about."

<scene of Toby looking bemused>

C.J. - It was miniature golf, wasn't it?

TOBY - Yeah!

 of course that episode also has Josh's rather lame and pathetic excuses to try and "date" Amy but without actually calling it a date. So here we have Josh asking Toby of all people for ideas....

Quote

JOSH - I need to come in under the cover of business.

TOBY - 'Cause you're a straight shooter.

JOSH - Yeah. I need a point of friction. An issue where the feministas and the White House disagree. That way, I can go to, her break the bad news, stand tough, smooth it over and then, you know, I take it from there....

JOSH - What about paid family leave?

TOBY - They know it's a dream they don't want us to waste the capital.

JOSH - We can't just compromise like that.

TOBY - They want us to compromise, like that.

JOSH - They should be outraged.

TOBY - They're not, they just want a study funded.

JOSH - How much we putting towards the study?

TOBY - Almost everything they asked for.

JOSH - Almost?

TOBY - They wanted $21 million, they're getting $20.5.

JOSH - Well, that's practically an insult.

TOBY - Yeah.

JOSH - Okay. Paid family leave, there it is. 

... so "tough-guy", Josh, is like a nice little boy taking a fancy to a nice little girl but hides behind his best friend because he's too shy to  say it like it is, lol

[BW Manilowe]

On 4/26/2017 at 10:44 AM, Only Zola said:

I was so pleased with the arrival of Bruno Gianelli at the opening of S3, purely because it was great to add some unexpected spice to what I saw as a fairly embedded, cosy, steady-as-she-goes senior staff, still stuck in neutral, and now trying to get over the MS revelation.

Bruno certainly gave Josh, Toby and Sam a tough time by waking them from their meandering narcosis! And I particularly enjoyed the following comment that probably underlined the mood of the White House at the time of the scandal and how to get back on message.

And then later on in his real life, I think after 9/11, Ron Silver (the actor who played Bruno) actually flip-flopped his own politics from alignment with those of Bruno & the Bartlet staff to the more Conservative side of things. And he remained a Conservative until he died (of some form of cancer I can't remember; I also can't remember exactly when he died). And I just remembered Bruno's political leanings were also changed in the show to reflect the change Ron Silver's personal politics had undergone while working on the show.

[Zola]

I think Ron Silver died in 2009 aged about 63 I think - no age really.

Have seen him in a number of films, usually as some kind of manic bad guy; but he was perfect as Bruno. And yes, i did read someplace that Ron turned his back on the Democrats post 9/11. And as you say, the writers reflected this change of allegiance for Bruno's return in the latter half of S6, and rather mischiefly, the writers added a couple of lines that hinted this about-face.  It was from "In God We Trust" and Vinick's first meeting with Bruno and the latter's plan to win all 50 states....

 

Quote

VINICK - What do you know about Republican politics?

BRUNO - I don't care about Republican politics!

VINICK - Well that I can believe.

BRUNO - I don't care about Democratic politics either.

<Vinick grins knowingly>

BRUNO - Okay, I do care about the Democrats.<laughs with a hint of embarrassment>

 It's a great scene between two great actors.

[Bama]

Whenever I want to tell someone to "fuck off" but can't because of decorum, I love to use Toby's reply to Senator Gillette (Ed Begley Jr.).  They are having breakfast after Bartlet's third SoU speech and Gillette is blustering about his power to challenge the administration from the left.  And it's all in the delivery -

"Would you go to bed, please?"