S23.E01: Week 1 - Live Premiere

[tpplay]

Um.  Wasn't Sean the Bachelor a virgin?

So how's this guy the first virgin bachelor?

[saber5055]

Everyone is going to "freak out" if Catherine gets a rose. So you know she's getting one for sure, right? Right. And next week and the week after that too.

[Mu Shu]

Just now, Ms Blue Jay said:

35, if she is 35, is still a millennial.  Millennials are born 1981-1996, this is usually agreed upon.

I am 43.  Gen x.  Catherine is my age for sure.  

Also “Colton is here!!”  Is about as exciting as “it’s time for your colonoscopy.

[saber5055]

4 minutes ago, tpplay said:

Um.  Wasn't Sean the Bachelor a virgin?

Sean was a "born again" virgin. Meaning he decided he was a "virgin" (in his own mind) again after having multiple sex partners up until this "epiphany."

Being a "born again" virgin was Sean's hook for his season. That made the train-going-through-a-tunnel visual after he got married on tv even more ... well, tacky.

Edited January 8, 2019 by saber5055

[RedheadZombie]

21 minutes ago, saber5055 said:

That's Catherine The Old Dog Lady. TH says she's 26 but yeah, she looks 40+ easy. She'll be easy to pick out of a crowd though since her lips extend into the stratosphere. And her dress is HID-E-OUS! I usually don't care about clothes, including sequins, but that is one nasty dress.

Women, learn to JUST SAY NO! Someone needs to toss Catherine in the pool. "Oops! Sorry about that. Heh heh."

She looks and sounds like Camille Grammer, who is fifty years old.  And she's a bitch for traumatizing her old dog like this.

[Madding crowd]

Sean made a decision not to have sex again until he was married. He didn’t think he was a virgin. It was the show pushing all that nonsense. I think people can do whatever they want with their sexuality. 

Some of these women seem pushy. I liked a couple who were more laid back but that’s my style.

Edited January 8, 2019 by Madding crowd

[TheFinalRose]

I will never stop laughing at the reenactment of Ryan Putz jumping off the balcony. 

[Armchair Critic]

Looking at this montage, sadly I think I have already sat through just about everything on it. Wonder who Harrison is dating?

[Mu Shu]

Just now, Armchair Critic said:

Looking at this montage, sadly I think I have already sat through just about everything on it. Wonder who Harrison is dating?

I wish it were me.  He’s the sexiest man in the planet.

[Armchair Critic]

1 minute ago, Mu Shu said:

I wish it were me.  He’s the sexiest man in the planet.

I don't know if you are being serious. I do think he would be fun and he is closer to my age range but in reality I would never date a celebrity.

[LennieBriscoe]

Hated the sloth.  HA-TED.

Coltie 2.0 has quite a few lookers to choose from. 

I kind of have forgotten the details already. 

Except...the sloth.  

[Mu Shu]

1 minute ago, Armchair Critic said:

I don't know if you are being serious. I do think he would be fun and he is closer to my age range but in reality I would never date a celebrity.

I worship him.  He’s the best!

[saber5055]

I decided to forego the montage and went outside to play ball with my dog. I think I missed the best part of this show.

My money is on Catherine getting the last rose. Any takers?

Edited January 8, 2019 by saber5055

[EllenB]

So, do JoJo and NotJoJo go for the same orange spray-on effect as the person in the White House?

[Wandering Snark]

I'd start my first rose ceremony with "Any women I didn't have a chance to talk to, you are safe. I don't want to make decisions based on nothing, but, ya know, that bitch who gave me her dog and then interrupted everyone like a dozen times, I know enough to send your ass home! Get to steppin'!"

[Armchair Critic]

Heather's occupation is "Never been kissed"

[tennisgurl]

"First off, lady who has no idea how to be a good dog owner, and creepy woman who faked an accent? BYE!"

[saber5055]

2 minutes ago, Wandering Snark said:

I'd start my first rose ceremony with "Any women I didn't have a chance to talk to, you are safe. I don't want to make decisions based on nothing, but, ya know, that bitch who gave me her dog and then interrupted everyone like a dozen times, I know enough to send your ass home! Get to steppin'!"

If only. I nominate you as next Bach.

[GracieK]

This show sucking it’s own dick feels like a jump the shark moment. The first night is often one of the most fun.. the only reason to dilute it with this nonsense is that Colton is super boring and couldnt carry the viewership forward to coming weeks without the show feeling like it needs to give us a dose of nostalgia to keep us around.

[EllenB]

Did I just hear "If I was a human being..."?  Bwahahaha!

[tennisgurl]

Yea Nicole! She seems cool, and could be our "hey, your almost normal!" person of the season.

[saber5055]

5 minutes ago, saber5055 said:

My money is on Catherine getting the last rose. Any takers?

I WIN!!!!!!!!!

[Mu Shu]

Catherine ‘s old ass .  I sort of love her. 

[Armchair Critic]

You know he was told to pick Blobfish Doglady last for drama

[tennisgurl]

Oh yeah, he had to pick Catherine. That reeks of producer pick to me. I mean, fish lips bad dog mom over all those other lovely women? 

Maybe one of them can be this seasons Grocery Store Joe. 

[TheFinalRose]

I miss having two or three Laurens.  What is happening to this show?

[Armchair Critic]

Aw poor girl not picked and her makeup streaked from crying

[saber5055]

Did production put that pumpkin there just so they could film "Cinderella" leaving the ball after not "finding her prince?" Those guys do have a wicked sense of humor.

[timesywimesy]

I’m sorry, I couldn’t be bothered to pay attention. Did he keep sloth girl or not?

[tennisgurl]

Damn, they had the girl not getting picked sitting there crying right while the winner girls are celebrating. Ouch. Yall are mean. 

[GracieK]

Yes my Croatian girl got a rose.. I guess I’ll tune in next week now

[Mu Shu]

Just now, tennisgurl said:

Damn, they had the girl not getting picked sitting there crying right while the winner girls are celebrating. Ouch. Yall are mean. 

Yeah, don’t cry anonymous girl.  Maybe you can get a few followers on Instagram and have a baby to put in your Instagram.  All you missed out on was some free booze and a dunderhead. 

[saber5055]

Now get ready for scenes from upcoming episodes, complete with lots of tears, male and female. It's the Most Drah Matic Season Evah! --TM CH

[Armchair Critic]

Did Harrison just say this was the most dramatic and most unpredictable season ever? I am not falling for that again.

[tennisgurl]

ITS THE MOOOOOOST DRAMATIC SEASON EVER! I know we say that every year, but now we MEAN IT!

[Mu Shu]

 Can’t wait for the travel porn.   

Oh no!  McLovin bailed!

Edited January 8, 2019 by Mu Shu

[Armchair Critic]

Does Colton dig a hole and hide in it like Jerry's friend on Seinfeld?

[Wandering Snark]

2 minutes ago, Mu Shu said:

Can’t wait for the travel porn.  

Maybe they will go to somewhere exotic, like Virginia. Or even Carolina.

Edited January 8, 2019 by Wandering Snark

[EllenB]

Those previews were effing HILARIOUS!!!  Walking across a glacier in a blue suit?  Oh yeah.

[tinkerbell]

I'm watching this late on DVR. When they showed Jojo and Kaitlyn, I had no idea which one was which. 

Ashley I should be featured on on of those videos about how NOT to use highlight/illuminating makeup. (Hint: don't use the whole tube)

[LennieBriscoe]

Whoa! That preview was intense! I might have to check RS and get Spoiled!

Nah. 

Edited January 8, 2019 by LennieBriscoe

[crgirl412]

Why don't they ever have any intellectuals?  More like Charlene (the opera singer) would be refreshing.  Smart people can be good looking too!

I am an RN and have seen lots of good looking male and female docs.  The gorgeous young guy who tutored me in Stats was a post-doc in Mathematics at one of the best science/robotics/engineering universities in the world.  He was normal and "cool" not nerdy at all.  

[TheFinalRose]

No ambulance in the preview. Not a good sign. 

[saber5055]

LOL, Colton leaps over a 10-ft. privacy fence and disappears into the night, never to be seen again! He joins a wild pack of wolves in the Ukrainian outback, grows some hair on his chest and fights the alpha wolf for pack dominance. He loses.

4 minutes ago, EllenB said:

Those previews were effing HILARIOUS!!!  Walking across a glacier in a blue suit?  Oh yeah.

Yes! He went from walking through some trees to a glacier. That was one hella long hike in that suit.

4 minutes ago, tinkerbell said:

hen they showed Jojo and Kaitlyn, I had no idea which one was which. 

Same here. Not that it matters to me at all.

Edited January 8, 2019 by saber5055

[Mu Shu]

It feels like this is the last season.  Surely all this fanfare isn’t deserved by Colton, who is likely the dullest Bachelor ever. 

[Armchair Critic]

3 minutes ago, Mu Shu said:

Surely all this fanfare isn’t deserved by Colton, who is likely the dullest Bachelor ever. 

Fleiss and Harrison know they screwed up and there were better picks than Colton so they are overcompensating.

[RedheadZombie]

Which blonde got the first impression rose?  Did we see her intro?  They all blurred into one for me. 

[Mu Shu]

1 minute ago, Armchair Critic said:

Fleiss and Harrison know they screwed up and there were better picks than Colton so they are overcompensating.

Maybe Chris Harrison is going on a 5,000 city sexiest man in the world tour and is retiring.  But damn, colton is a dud, and it will be glorious to watch. 

[saber5055]

13 minutes ago, RedheadZombie said:

Which blonde got the first impression rose?  Did we see her intro?  They all blurred into one for me. 

Her name is Hannah and I have no idea who she is or anything else. Just remember "Hannah" in upcoming episodes. Maybe we can figure it out. I don't pay much attention until about half way through the season and even then I don't know most of them.

Colton is getting lots of TMZ time. Just saw him on that show a bit ago, getting questions from the paps while going into some LA eatery -- with his "entourage." *coughfamewhorecough*

28 minutes ago, Armchair Critic said:

Did Harrison just say this was the most dramatic and most unpredictable season ever? I am not falling for that again.

You mean after falling for it 43 times before this? Good for you!

Edited January 8, 2019 by saber5055

[SHD]

I swear there are girls we never even saw. I was hoping the cool blonde Asian woman would stick around. Other than crying girl at the end, the other leavers were pretty KTHANXBYE when filing past Colton. This season is going to be weird.