S23.E01: Week 1 - Live Premiere

[ApprenticeFan]

Quote

The Season 23 premiere features Colton Underwood. Among the women vying for his affection: a pageant star who calls herself the "hot-mess express"; a confident Nigerian beauty with a loud-and-proud personality; a deceptively bubbly spitfire who is hiding a dark family secret; and a California beach blonde who has a secret that ironically may make her a perfect match for Underwood.

[TomGirl]

3 hours ago, ApprenticeFan said:

a California beach blonde who has a secret that ironically may make her a perfect match for Underwood.

Oh gosh, whatever could it BE????????

[Scarlett45]

Unlocking and introducing myself- hello, I will be helping @OnceSane and @Princess Sparkle this season. 

[Scarlett45]

I have never watched The Bachelor before- I think it will be a wild ride. Are the premeries usually live?

[dizzyd]

Thanks for letting us Live this premiere 😊

[tennisgurl]

Take a drink every time someone mentions Coltons virginity!

[Mu Shu]

What is this, the Golden Globes?

cut to the cheese, damnit.

[Armchair Critic]

I see there is going to be a lot of filler to make this 3 hours, enough of the parties and let's meet the women....

[Scarlett45]

I’m debating if I should wash my hair and come back. Yes/No/Maybe?!

[Armchair Critic]

Did Heather's parents lock her up in a nunnery? She is beautiful and never been kissed.

[Scarlett45]

2 minutes ago, Armchair Critic said:

Did Heather's parents lock her up in a nunnery? She is beautiful and never been kissed.

I’m thinking social anxiety...... (not disagreeing she’s beautiful) 

 

One of the women is a Sib! I’m a Sib. This is so exciting. I missed her name but she is the woman, her Mom or grandma said Colton was better looking than Brad Pitt. 

[Armchair Critic]

Mom's in federal prison for embezzlement.. well isn't that special.

[Mu Shu]

Just now, Armchair Critic said:

Mom's in federal prison for embezzlement.. well isn't that special.

My new favorite!  She’s going to be bitchy, I can feel it.  Plus she looks like an Olsen twin.  Yep, that’s my girl. 

[tennisgurl]

Oh yeah, they are REALLY hoping for that "welcome mom to life outside prison with Colton" episode. 

[Mu Shu]

God I hope Demi is trashier than Tia and there is a kerfluffle. 

[Armchair Critic]

They can show him showering or whatever but Colton has no sex appeal to me.

[Mu Shu]

What is a SIB? 

Colton has no sex appeal, bless his heart.  He’s probably a decent human bean. 

[rebel2u]

yes, shut up and bring on the bachelorettes.

Chris's mom is a very handsome woman.

[saber5055]

18 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

I’m debating if I should wash my hair and come back. Yes/No/Maybe?!

YES! I washed mine. There's plenty of time. You could wash it twice and not miss anything.

[tennisgurl]

Maybe I just live under a rock, but is being a virgin THAT big of a deal? Yeah for a guy of his age and with his looks, its not what I would guess, but is it such a huge deal? People are acting like Colton was born on Saturn, not that he just hasn't stuck his dick into anyone yet. 

Or maybe they're focusing on the virgin thing because there is literally nothing else interesting about Colton? Almost like Colton is super boring...

Edited January 8, 2019 by tennisgurl

[saber5055]

13 minutes ago, Armchair Critic said:

Mom's in federal prison for embezzlement.. well isn't that special.

Hey, it got her on this show!

[Mu Shu]

1 minute ago, saber5055 said:

YES! I washed mine. There's plenty of time. You could wash it twice and not miss anything.

I scoured my bunions.  There is plenty of time before the real cheese hits the fan. 

[saber5055]

Okay, Colton saying he was a fat kid with no friends struck a nerve with me so now I have to like him. Thanks a lot show for ruining the snark for me.

WTH with all the live party business. I don't recognize any of these former Bs and B-ettes.

CH: "Burning question: Will Colton lose his virginity on his journey?"

Me: I could give a care. I'll need to buy booze by the crate if I'm going to play the Virgin Drinking Game this season.

[tennisgurl]

Isn't it trippy that there are people that exist because of this franchise? Whole humans beings who walk this earth are alive because of this freaking show. If one of those kids grows up to cure cancer or something, cancer will be cured...because of The Bachelor. 

Edited January 8, 2019 by tennisgurl

[Mu Shu]

Trista has some good looking kids.

[saber5055]

3 minutes ago, tennisgurl said:

If one of those grows up to cure cancer or something, cancer will be cured...because of The Bachelor. 

Now I feel like I'm not worthy of this franchise ... :-((

[EllenB]

I am so hoping for a hometown visit to see Mama in the slammer.

[Wandering Snark]

I'd love it if after all the hype Colton feels fireworks and decides to nail someone night one back at his hotel. "Okay, so now that we have THAT over with... let's move on with the season." Because I'm not sure if I can handle the show and everyone involved talking about it every five minutes for weeks on end like he's the last man on earth and has to save the human race.

Edited January 8, 2019 by Wandering Snark

[Mu Shu]

5 minutes ago, saber5055 said:

Okay, Colton saying he was a fat kid with no friends struck a nerve with me so now I have to like him. Thanks a lot show for ruining the snark for me.

WTH with all the live party business. I don't recognize any of these former Bs and B-ettes.

CH: "Burning question: Will Colton lose his virginity on his journey?"

Me: I could give a care. I'll need to buy booze by the crate if I'm going to play the Virgin Drinking Game this season.

I feel bad about making fun of him.  So he’s a famewhore looking for a social media career.  I’d do the same if I weren’t an ugly old hag.  It’s not like he’s Blob, or that awful flapjack guy. 

[saber5055]

Who the heck are those two getting engaged? WTH, is this some new "everybody has to do it" thing? Gotta get engaged where everyone can see it?

[hyacinth]

Solid gold fun already!    Trista and Ryan's son says, with a puzzled look on his face:  "I thought they met in college."   

[GracieK]

What happened to Ashley’s (of JP and Ashley) face?? She looks unrecognizable 

[tennisgurl]

If Colton hadn't signed up for this, I would feel bad for him. All this obsession with his virginity is getting super creepy. But, I assume he knew all of this was coming, so he is probably fine with it. Presumably. 

[Mu Shu]

This is so boring I just switched to an extreme tartar removal video. 

[saber5055]

Colton has been going to "meet the bachelorettes" for three commercial breaks now. *sigh*

What a bunch of filler. Three hours of filler ...

[GracieK]

Just now, tennisgurl said:

If Colton hadn't signed up for this, I would feel bad for him. All this obsession with his virginity is getting super creepy. But, I assume he knew all of this was coming, so he is probably fine with it. Presumably. 

Oh he’s all in on it.. it’s his “story”. 

“Being the first virgin Bachelor is scary”. Yeah I’m sure it’s so scary. It shouldn’t even be a thing beyond something mentioned in passing.. it makes me feel so icky.  You know what else makes me feel icky? These hot tub shots complete with freezing women lined up waiting for their turn to get in. Why do I subject myself to this nonsense? Every. Damn. Season. 😭

[tennisgurl]

"I haven't dated a virgin since I was 12!"

Ummmmm.....

[Mu Shu]

These women are extremely pretty.

[crgirl412]

1 hour ago, tennisgurl said:

Maybe I just live under a rock, but is being a virgin THAT big of a deal? Yeah for a guy of his age and with his looks, its not what I would guess, but is it such a huge deal? People are acting like Colton was born on Saturn, not that he just hasn't stuck his dick into anyone yet. 

Or maybe they're focusing on the virgin thing because there is literally nothing else interesting about Colton? Almost like Colton is super boring...

 

I didn't think it would be so much of a big deal but it is.  I think it's because he's not a virgin due to a religious belief.  I think it's really sad that he's gotten this much grief over it.  I think it's great that he is a virgin.  However, he's not really a virgin virgin in that I'm sure he's done *everything but PIV, right? 

*I've read that there are girls (maybe Colton, too?) who believe they are virgins since they do everything including AS but just not PIV.  That is lunacy.    

 

Full disclosure:  I'm not a virgin.  Having sex with your bf/gf was common in the 80's at my high school.  Literally all of the people I hung out with were not virgins.  Later in life I became a Christian and got to know a lot of virgins.  Some it was for religious reasons/good morals/no opportunity.  I wish I had done things differently. 

Edited January 8, 2019 by crgirl412

[saber5055]

Just now, tennisgurl said:

"I haven't dated a virgin since I was 12!"

Me (if I were the Bachelor): "Limo! Open the door, this one is leaving now. 'Bye."

[dizzyd]

My gaydar is pinging big time!

[saber5055]

1 minute ago, crgirl412 said:

I didn't think it would be so much of big deal but it is.  I think it's because he's not a virgin due to a religious belief. 

I think it's a big deal because this show is MAKING it a big deal. Simple as that. It's this season's hook, to make it The.Most.Drah.Matic.Season EVAH.

[Armchair Critic]

Those dead butterflies are my mood watching this (okay they were actually fake)

[tennisgurl]

Thank God those were fake butterflies, I was seriously creeped out for a second!

The ladies this year really are super beautiful this season. Even though some of them seem a teeny bit...odd.

Edited January 8, 2019 by tennisgurl

[Armchair Critic]

The sloth is about his speed is right

[tennisgurl]

Ah, we have this seasons chicken costume!

[Mu Shu]

This sloth thing is fucking stupid. 

[saber5055]

Just now, Mu Shu said:

This sloth thing is fucking stupid. 

Rank these from best to worst:

1. V card

2. Cherry pop

3. Sloth costume

4. Something that hasn't happened yet

[crgirl412]

I don't like ANY of those weird things they do just to get remembered by the B/ette.  Never have, never will.   

[dizzyd]

I'm purposely not watching the championship game tonight and can do without having to hear about the Tide on TB!