Catelynn (and Tyler)

[lilmarysunshine]

This probably really is an unpopular opinion....lol

And do not mistake me for a Tyler fan. But I have lived with someone who suffered from anxiety and depression and as helpless as the sufferer feels, the partner is even more helpless. If that person really resists *real* help, your life sucks, too, and there's really not a damn thing you can do about it. You just have to live with it and it does build resentment. I honestly can't blame him for being annoyed and angry with her.

I will crawl away now ....

Edited October 12, 2016 by lilmarysunshine

[Meatball]

17 hours ago, Calm81 said:

Your name always makes me crave a meatball sub. I do keto and eat with limited carbs - stahp it! ?

Lol. 

I haven't watched the episode yet, I mainly watch vicariously through you guys. I don't need to watch in order to add my little part.

STFU TYLER!

I will watch when I finish work and add my own 2 cents.

You are doing more than Cate so you can eat half of a meatball sub!

I was literally eating a meatball when I signed up for this forum. 

Edited October 12, 2016 by Meatball

[Meatball]

4 hours ago, lilmarysunshine said:

This probably really is an unpopular opinion....lol

And do not mistake me for a Tyler fan. But I have lived with someone who suffered from anxiety and depression and as helpless as the sufferer feels, the partner is even more helpless. If that person really resists *real* help, your life sucks, too, and there's really not a damn thing you can do about it. You just have to live with it and it does build resentment. I honestly can't blame him for being annoyed and angry with her.

I will crawl away now ....

Yeah, you should.

Just kidding! I have been on your side too and I understand what you're saying, but I doubt you're as enmeshed as Tyler and Cate are, and Cate *has* tried to do things. Not everything that's been suggested here, but she mentioned starting Weight Watchers and all Tyler had to add was, "What would WE score this quesadillas?" His "we" is troubling to me because it sounds so condescending and although he's trying to make it sound like a "we're in this together" type thing, it really means something else. He never said, "My cholesterol levels are probably sky high and my neck is getting fat because I'm not nineteen amymore so let's look up some recipes for vegetables and good, healthy proteins." Anyone can benefit from that but he put it all on her as if it were her problem alone.

He was supportive of Cate's trip to the place where she stopped smoking pot and she was hopefully able to talk about why she was anxious and depressed and therefore why she needed to get high, but when she returned home one of the first things he asks is, "How will you do when one of our friends smokes pot in front of you?" I think we all can agree he was referring to himself. Again, he doesn't have to quit, but he doesn't have cancer or fibromyalgia or any other medical reason to smoke pot. He isn't putting in a twelve hour work day and taking a few hits at the end of the day to relax. He's not doing anything except filming a two minute scene with Butch/Kim where he complains about Cate. He's not willing to make any changes to his life even though it would probably improve his life and help Catelynn.

Catelynn could use a real, non-Kinkos employed therapist and I hope she still sees a psychiatrist to get her real meds. If she's only relying on weed to get her through, well, she's still the dumbass I knew she was when she brought her remedial homework home from her community college. 

Sorry! I lost my point. Tyler is no help. He is all words and no action. He is more than willing to stand by and wait for Cate to fix herself without wanting to put in any energy of changing himself.

Put it this way, say cigarette smoke is making Catelynn depressed and anxious. Catelynn goes away and doesn't smoke for thirty days. When we see her she feels great and she's happy. But here comes Tyler smoking a cigarette and asking her how she's going to deal with other people (TYLER) smoking around her. Can he not try to quit? It's not helping him and it's certainly not helping her. Yes, it's her problem, but he's doing it to and it's not great for him.

I don't think very highly of her these days that she's bragging about having her weed card like she has an actual medical excuse because she doesn't. Any anxiety she feels from here on out is of her own doing and she deserves every ounce of depression and anxiety that she feels because she's going directly against what actual doctors have prescribed in favor of what is easier and more familiar. (God, it's always the easier way out with these girls.) But Tyler has always been an added problem rather than a supporter.

[ghoulina]

11 hours ago, Brooklynista said:

 

On some level Cate is just fucking with Tyler. Perhaps deservedly. From getting the pig, scratching his truck, and now missing the appt.  She seems to want to invite conflict with him. Maybe she wants him to really blow up at her so we can see this temper of his. She didn't have to tell him about the truck. After she missed the appt., she could have driven around for an hour and avoided the argument for while.  But she always seems to smirk at the camera knowing Tyler is going to be "pissed" at whatever new bomb she's going to drop on him.

 

I think you're on to something. She doesn't seem scared at all to tell him these things. She gets this little smirk on her face. It's very weird. Even when he holds back on saying things, she prods him - "Just say it!" I don't know what is going on. Maybe they ARE both trying to get the other to end things first. 

[CofCinci]

1 hour ago, ghoulina said:

Maybe they ARE both trying to get the other to end things first. 

Yes. Their fans will cannibalize the one that is deemed responsible for the breakup.  There is money in playing victim in their situation. Tabloid covers, speaking engagements, book deals and maybe even another series.  The "bad guy" in the situation gets nothing.  They'll both continue to live together in misery because it's better than being broke or unloved by their fans. 

[GreatKazu]

4 hours ago, ghoulina said:

I think you're on to something. She doesn't seem scared at all to tell him these things. She gets this little smirk on her face. It's very weird. Even when he holds back on saying things, she prods him - "Just say it!" I don't know what is going on. Maybe they ARE both trying to get the other to end things first. 

Her smirking was so damn annoying and frustrating to watch.

When Cate, Tyler, and Butch were on the porch and Tyler brought up texting Katherine and setting up an appointment, Cate began to scratch her arms, she then lifted up her hair from her forehead which revealed a bunch of scabs on her forehead. She began to play with her hair while saying, "Yeah, you should go." She sounded supporting, but her body language screamed what the hell is Tyler up to now.

[geekamonggeeks]

I can see Cate maybe getting some attention and focus if she and Tyler split because I think people will be interested in seeing her bounce back and be all right without Big Boy constantly looking down his nose at her and berating her. But if they split up, then Tyler will definitely be history. More and more people dislike him these days, and will happily ignore him once he's off the show and no longer relevant. Plus, if he and Cate split, then Tyler can kiss his access to Carly goodbye since Cate is pretty much the only reason why he still gets to see her. He knows Brandon and Teresa don't like him and will drop him like a bad habit if they even get a whiff that he and Cate broke up. I'm sure Cate gets some perks for being one-half of the series's golden couple, but Tyler depends on the fame and relationship moreso than her. He has a lot more to lose if they ever divorce. 

[Katt]

Pff, yeah, @geekamonggeeks Tyler cares more about how he looks than a relationship with Carly. Unfortunately, a lot of people still think the sun shines out of his arse. I seriously wonder if we're watching the same frigging show as these space cadets.

[geekamonggeeks]

Remember, though, Tyler is the kind of guy who gloats about seeing "his kid" and how he helped make the adoption happen. Seeing Carly in the flesh might be some kind of a power trip for him. Though the fact that he can't even talk about the visits on TV and social media might put a damper on that. 

[Katt]

Tyler would love it if B&T really cut him off. He wouldn't silence his voice and his minions would stroke his ego. 

[monagatuna]

Thanks for posting that clip. I haven't kept up with the show outside of this message board, but man those two look rough. They've aged a dozen years older than what they look like--I'm 37 and they look older than me--and both look exhausted and unhealthy. I know they've got issues, but I hope they can get healthy soon. They're young and not disabled; they should look and act a lot more vibrant than that.

[SPLAIN]

19 hours ago, lilmarysunshine said:

This probably really is an unpopular opinion....lol

And do not mistake me for a Tyler fan. But I have lived with someone who suffered from anxiety and depression and as helpless as the sufferer feels, the partner is even more helpless. If that person really resists *real* help, your life sucks, too, and there's really not a damn thing you can do about it. You just have to live with it and it does build resentment. I honestly can't blame him for being annoyed and angry with her.

I will crawl away now ....

I agree. Don't crawl away. Tyler is an ass. That does not mean Cate's behavior should be excused.

It is definitely exhausting dealing with someone who has such a problem, but fails to do anything to help themselves. I dealt with chronic back issues and I tried everything under the sun to help with the pain. I didn't want to be on the couch or lying in bed. When I would hear of something new or that might help me, there I was making phone calls to make an appointment. I tried chiropractors, physical therapy, pool therapy, all kinds of therapy. I did several procedures. I had surgeries. My point is, I really wanted relief. I wanted to feel better. I was willing to walk the ends of this planet to find anyone who could help me. It wasn't going to get done unless I did something about it. Cate is not wanting help, plain and simple. She wants to be looked upon as a victim and as was mentioned here, it gives her an excuse. 

Edited October 12, 2016 by SPLAIN

[Pherber]

On 10/8/2016 at 3:47 PM, poopchute said:

Can we talk more about how she says there is "nothing to do around here"?! I can't get over it.  Now I have no idea what kind of entertainment options, like zoos etc exist in their area so I'll just pretend they don't have that there but no matter where you live you can always:

play with your child inside your own home

go on a walk with your child

take your child to a park

take your child to the library

buy a bicycle and go on a bike ride

drive somewhere pretty and enjoy the scenery

read a book

cook a meal

clean your house

go grocery shopping

join a gym

get a job

And probably a million other things.  Who

is bored?!? In my real life I've never known anyone over the age of 18 say they are bored.

She's clinically depressed, and the thought of doing any of the activities listed above are not exciting to her like they would be to someone who isn't depressed.  

[SPLAIN]

1 minute ago, Pherber said:

She's clinically depressed, and the thought of doing any of the activities listed above are not exciting to her like they would be to someone who isn't depressed.  

I am one of the few who doesn't think she is clinically depressed. I think she is unhappy with herself, her looks, her weight, she is insecure, and she is overall feeling like shit because she thought once she became married she thought things would change. Something about the happily ever after that too many young girls seek. Having Nova didn't shake her feelings. Getting married didn't change anything other than her taking on Tyler's last name. Putting a ring on his finger has not stopped her feelings that Tyler is going to cheat on her or even leave her. She made a big thing about her needing to put a ring on his finger because she was so bothered by her feelings that he was not going to be around.

I just can't wrap around my head how Cate can be on a computer or her iPhone and spend so much time on social media, reading about herself and seeking fan attention, wanting to establish some kind of business of helping  people find their lost loves, acquiring animals for their household, getting high with her mom and Tyler, going out to party with friends but, she can't bother to read a book, take her dogs for a walk, tend to Nova, cook a meal, or hell, she can't even bother to get to a psychiatrist appointment for this supposed depression she keeps talking about. If she was dealing with a different disease and didn't seek a doctor for treatment, I don't know that she'd garner much sympathy. Just like Amber is dealing with being overweight and supposed depression. The girl munches on fast food and lies around all day. I'd give her some props if she at least tried to exercise or cooked some healthy meals. Instead, I give her the same eye rolls that I give Cate.

[poopchute]

48 minutes ago, Pherber said:

She's clinically depressed, and the thought of doing any of the activities listed above are not exciting to her like they would be to someone who isn't depressed.  

So what types of activities would help with her boredom?

[AmyFarrahFowler]

2 minutes ago, poopchute said:

So what types of activities would help with her boredom?

Packing Tyler's shit and throwing him out.

[GreatKazu]

1 hour ago, Pherber said:

She's clinically depressed, and the thought of doing any of the activities listed above are not exciting to her like they would be to someone who isn't depressed.  

You mean activities such as going out of town for a wedding? Hitting the bong? Dumping Nova at April's? Driving while under the influence? Spending her time on Snapchat, Twitter, and Instagram? Going to Comic Con?

 

Going out of town to celebrate their anniversary:  http://perezhilton.com/2016-09-06-catelynn-lowell-tyler-baltierra-celebrate-first-wedding-anniversary-with-weekend-getaway

Cate loves her beer.

Damn. But on camera she can barely muster the energy to chew her nails and scratch her arms. I guess we should really take her word that what we see on camera is not what is going on at all in her life.

 

Cate has no fucks to give.

Poor girl. So depressed. So depressed that she cannot think of doing anything such as walking her dogs, reading a book to her child, cook, join the gym, take her child to the library or those gymnastics classes she went to once, and most certainly she can't even think about riding a bike. 

[LBL]

Ok I don't even know where to start I'm probably the only one who sees it this way and I will hear I'm a horrible person for thinking this way but whatever I can't be the only one. Caitlin is overweight and Tyler is not. If she was a diabetic or lactose intolerant we wouldn't be expecting Tyler to change his diet because of her medical problem. Sure it would be nice if he ate healthier to make things less tempting for her but it's not his job too. And her portion control definitely isnu't his fault. Now as far as his comments go, if she were a diabetic and he said you shouldn't eat that it will raise your blood sugar would he still be "verbally abusive"? As mean as it sounds to say, Cait is overweight (has a disease). She has also said on more than one occasion that she wishes to loose weight (cure her disease) So what I'm saying is although it may be socially unacceptable and considered fat shaming, his wife is unhealthy and holding her accountable for what she eats is not any different than someone nagging a diabetic about sneaking a piece of cake. He has a child with this person and her health directly affects his and the child's life. Reminding someone who's overweight to put the fork down isn't abuse any more than reminding someone on dialysis to put down that Mountain Dew. I looked up the definition of fat shaming before I wrote his because honestly I thought I must be confused about what it was after reading all the comments on here. I copied and pasted urban dictionary's definition because it couldn't be more spot on lol. So in conclusion to this long rant Tyler holding his wife accountable for her weight is not abuse or fat shaming. I think people need to stop projecting there own issues with weight on to there situation. 

Urban dictionary's definition. Fat shaming: A term made by obese people to avoid the responsibility to actually take proper care of their body and instead victimize themself by pretending they're discriminated like an ethnic group. When confronted with someone like that they will ignore all the facts about obesity being unhealthy and pretend it's some sort of evil socially constructed conspiracy by teh patriarchy.

DEF. VERSION 
Doctor Reid: ma'am, it would do you a world of good to lose around 30 pounds. You're in danger of diabetes at this weight, but with proper diet and exercise we can- 
RNF Patient: OMG STOP FAT SHAMING ME MY BODY IS BEAUTIFUL YOU JUST CANT SEE IT BECAUSE YOURE PART OF THE SKINNY PATRIARCHY MODELS ARE TOTALLY UNHEALTHY 
Doctor Reid: okay, I'm going to just stick a note in your file that says "uncooperative and delusional" and send you up to the psych ward, alright?

[LBL]

I totally agree she picks and chooses when she's being affected by her "depression" and it appears to directly correlate to when she has to do something she's doesn't want to do; e.g. Take care of her child or the 3000$ pig she spent her families money on. Do you know how much I would love to lay in bed and watch Netflix all day while my husband watched our children? Or better yet take a month long vacation from being a mother and wife to go talk about my feelings somewhere. But guess what I can't because I have responsibilities and people who need and depend on me. When you have children there needs come 1st. Another helpful hint if your experiencing anxiety, panic, depression, and lethargy maybe you should stop smoking pot because that what it freaking does to you. Maybe she felt better in rehab because she quit smoking dope. She needs to get or shit together, and Tyler is not helping by enabling her. Maybe if he gave her an ultimatum it might scare her enough to get her head out of her ass.

[starfire]

35 minutes ago, LBL said:

Ok I don't even know where to start I'm probably the only one who sees it this way and I will hear I'm a horrible person for thinking this way but whatever I can't be the only one. Caitlin is overweight and Tyler is not. If she was a diabetic or lactose intolerant we wouldn't be expecting Tyler to change his diet because of her medical problem. Sure it would be nice if he ate healthier to make things less tempting for her but it's not his job too. And her portion control definitely isnu't his fault. Now as far as his comments go, if she were a diabetic and he said you shouldn't eat that it will raise your blood sugar would he still be "verbally abusive"? As mean as it sounds to say, Cait is overweight (has a disease). She has also said on more than one occasion that she wishes to loose weight (cure her disease) So what I'm saying is although it may be socially unacceptable and considered fat shaming, his wife is unhealthy and holding her accountable for what she eats is not any different than someone nagging a diabetic about sneaking a piece of cake. He has a child with this person and her health directly affects his and the child's life. Reminding someone who's overweight to put the fork down isn't abuse any more than reminding someone on dialysis to put down that Mountain Dew. I looked up the definition of fat shaming before I wrote his because honestly I thought I must be confused about what it was after reading all the comments on here. I copied and pasted urban dictionary's definition because it couldn't be more spot on lol. So in conclusion to this long rant Tyler holding his wife accountable for her weight is not abuse or fat shaming. I think people need to stop projecting there own issues with weight on to there situation. 

Urban dictionary's definition. Fat shaming: A term made by obese people to avoid the responsibility to actually take proper care of their body and instead victimize themself by pretending they're discriminated like an ethnic group. When confronted with someone like that they will ignore all the facts about obesity being unhealthy and pretend it's some sort of evil socially constructed conspiracy by teh patriarchy.

DEF. VERSION 
Doctor Reid: ma'am, it would do you a world of good to lose around 30 pounds. You're in danger of diabetes at this weight, but with proper diet and exercise we can- 
RNF Patient: OMG STOP FAT SHAMING ME MY BODY IS BEAUTIFUL YOU JUST CANT SEE IT BECAUSE YOURE PART OF THE SKINNY PATRIARCHY MODELS ARE TOTALLY UNHEALTHY 
Doctor Reid: okay, I'm going to just stick a note in your file that says "uncooperative and delusional" and send you up to the psych ward, alright?

Since when was being overweight a "disease"? I agree that Tyler doesn't have to help or positively encourage Cate to eat better, but if you know your lifetime partner is really struggling with several issues, it seems like you would want to do some things to actually help. Especially when you seem to be a know-it-all, like Tyler. Instead of criticizing what Cate eats, making comments about not wanting a heifer as a wife, and so on, how hard would it be to encourage and support healthier eating and exercise for BOTH of them? It's not like he is a role model for health or motivation. He could shut his mouth and simply go to the grocery store and buy some stuff to make a healthy, tasty stir fry.  Or simply suggest evening walks without negatively bringing up her issues. Or I guess he could continue to demand to know how many points she is eating, make rude comments about heifers, and make her cry while he eats whatever he wants and lays around.

I don't think it's wrong for Tyler to address Cate's issues, but the way he addresses it is not helpful in the least. If he really wanted to be helpful, he could be more supportive and positive instead of being immature and threatening. Like when he demands to know when and how Cate is going to change her ways and not be a "log going through life" and that if she doesn't change he is going to "check out, get hardened and be safe" from her, he could simply ask her if she would like to go on a walk, play a board game, take a class with him, think about them both getting part-time jobs, do some volunteer work, or take Nova to the library as a family, or a million other positive things. It's not like he is doing anything to improve his life, and while he might not sleep or eat as much as Cate, it doesn't appear he is doing anything constructive.

[LBL]

22 minutes ago, starfire said:

Since when was being overweight a "disease"? I agree that Tyler doesn't have to help or positively encourage Cate to eat better, but if you know your lifetime partner is really struggling with several issues, it seems like you would want to do some things to actually help. Especially when you seem to be a know-it-all, like Tyler. Instead of criticizing what Cate eats, making comments about not wanting a heifer as a wife, and so on, how hard would it be to encourage and support healthier eating and exercise for BOTH of them? It's not like he is a role model for health or motivation. He could shut his mouth and simply go to the grocery store and buy some stuff to make a healthy, tasty stir fry.  Or simply suggest evening walks without negatively bringing up her issues. Or I guess he could continue to demand to know how many points she is eating, make rude comments about heifers, and make her cry while he eats whatever he wants and lays around.

I don't think it's wrong for Tyler to address Cate's issues, but the way he addresses it is not helpful in the least. If he really wanted to be helpful, he could be more supportive and positive instead of being immature and threatening. Like when he demands to know when and how Cate is going to change her ways and not be a "log going through life" and that if she doesn't change he is going to "check out, get hardened and be safe" from her, he could simply ask her if she would like to go on a walk, play a board game, take a class with him, think about them both getting part-time jobs, do some volunteer work, or take Nova to the library as a family, or a million other positive things. It's not like he is doing anything to improve his life, and while he might not sleep or eat as much as Cate, it doesn't appear he is doing anything constructive.

To answer your question obesity has been considered a disease since June 18, 2013. And sure there's a ton of super supportive things he could do to encourage her to lose weight and make healthier choices, but at the end of the day cait is obese and he is not it's not his responsibility to make her lose the weight. If he can't get her to crawl out of the bed on Mother's Day to spend time with her child I doubt very seriously he can get her to go to the gym. I don't think for one second holding her accountable for what shes eating when she obviously has issues controlling it herself is wrong. And as far as the comment he made about her being a log rolling through life, the alternative is him holding it in until he resents her so much that he's done with her. I also don't think there's anything wrong with putting boundaries on what your willing to put up with In a relationship.  Don't get me wrong he's a lazy turd too that's entitled and wouldn't know a hard days work if it hit him in the ass. I think he's an idiot, But he is being honest about what he wants in a partner and it's not someone who is living in an emotional rut and not doing anything about it. I think it's really mature to be upfront about what you need in a partner and tell them what has to change if they want the relationship to continue. If more people did that divorce rates would probably go down. Now with saying that I do feel like people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.  And he's definitely in a glass house as far as having his shit together. But for whatever reason he needs more effort than what cait is giving. He's telling her to change it if she wants to make things work. He's either worth it to her or he's not its up to her at the end of the day just like her weight is. Now he doesn't articulate any of it well, but I can see how you can only watch someone roll around in there on pitty for long enough before you get fed up. I'm sure the first few years of this he said things allot nicer. He did take her to the horse farm to get her out of the house not to mention the month he took care of nova by himself so she could get off pot and address her mental issues. Is he doing everything perfect of course not. He's crass and incentive for sure. But if most women didn't get out of bed, take care of there child, or spent 3000$ on a pig just to give it away the same night they would be waiting on there divorce papers to be finalized. Not having a conversation about needing to stop over eating. 

[Katt]

Did anyone else think it was wrong of their "therapist" to say it's important to keep reiterating your unconditional love to your partner? Don't get me wrong, my husband is a fucking prince but he can't do whatever he wants and expect me to accept it. I reserve that for my kids only and there are explanations aplenty on why some behaviour is a no-no. I don't have them running around like savages, making excuses for them; I try to teach them right from wrong to the best of my ability, but that maternal tie is not something easily severed, as opposed to the way I would feel about a grown man being a selfish dick. 
My point is, she should have given him a different approach to telling Catelynn he will be there for her rather than an impossible lie. I'm not sticking up for Tyler here, just saying, IMO, that's an unreasonable expectation for anybody. Including Catelynn who seems to have bought a ticket for the "unconditional love" train for Tyler and probably wonders why she has conflicting feelings. 

ETA: If my husband put a scratch on my cherry 13 year old Jeep, I wouldn't be amused, but I'd be floored if he asked me if I still loved him. Sorry, Pal, it'd take a little bit more than a scrape on my car for me to want you to pack your bags! Tsh, this is why men shouldn't drive around in Jeeps, eh? lol

Edited October 13, 2016 by Katt

[NannyBails]

As someone who was larger for most of my life but now is not, here are my thoughts on Cate and Tyler's situation:  Yes, Cate has to be the one to want to lose weight.  She will only be successful if she does this for herself, not out of fear of losing Tyler.   But Tyler could also be much more supportive than he is shown to be.

As we all know, Cate is depressed and I firmly believe that the food she is ingesting is contributing to that depression.  Eating basically empty calories is not nourishing her body at all.   On top of that, she may be doing a lot of emotional eating. 

Cate may also have a hard time making healthier choices simply because she may never have eaten healthy before.  At the very least, she is now used to eating high-fat, highly processed, sugary, salty foods -- all things that change our taste buds and can create a sort of addiction.   Eating grilled chicken and freshly steamed veggies probably wouldn't taste good to her right now.  SO that's why I think it's important for Tyler to be supportive.   He can eat his nasty fast food while he's working on their other house, but join her in making healthier choices at home.   If the fast food is not in the house, it's much easier to resist.    At least that has been my experience.

Heck,  Cate doesn't have to make drastic changes right away... some people do better with gradual changes.  Adding a green salad (not overloaded with fattening dressing) to lunch and dinner might be a start.  The point is not to be stick thin, but to be healthy for herself and for her child. 

And Tyler is no stick himself so it would behoove him to make healthier choices as well.  He looks chubby to me!  

[EDTV]

6 hours ago, LBL said:

Ok I don't even know where to start I'm probably the only one who sees it this way and I will hear I'm a horrible person for thinking this way but whatever I can't be the only one. Caitlin is overweight and Tyler is not. If she was a diabetic or lactose intolerant we wouldn't be expecting Tyler to change his diet because of her medical problem. Sure it would be nice if he ate healthier to make things less tempting for her but it's not his job too. And her portion control definitely isnu't his fault. Now as far as his comments go, if she were a diabetic and he said you shouldn't eat that it will raise your blood sugar would he still be "verbally abusive"? As mean as it sounds to say, Cait is overweight (has a disease). She has also said on more than one occasion that she wishes to loose weight (cure her disease) So what I'm saying is although it may be socially unacceptable and considered fat shaming, his wife is unhealthy and holding her accountable for what she eats is not any different than someone nagging a diabetic about sneaking a piece of cake. He has a child with this person and her health directly affects his and the child's life. Reminding someone who's overweight to put the fork down isn't abuse any more than reminding someone on dialysis to put down that Mountain Dew. I looked up the definition of fat shaming before I wrote his because honestly I thought I must be confused about what it was after reading all the comments on here. I copied and pasted urban dictionary's definition because it couldn't be more spot on lol. So in conclusion to this long rant Tyler holding his wife accountable for her weight is not abuse or fat shaming. I think people need to stop projecting there own issues with weight on to there situation. 

Urban dictionary's definition. Fat shaming: A term made by obese people to avoid the responsibility to actually take proper care of their body and instead victimize themself by pretending they're discriminated like an ethnic group. When confronted with someone like that they will ignore all the facts about obesity being unhealthy and pretend it's some sort of evil socially constructed conspiracy by teh patriarchy.

DEF. VERSION 
Doctor Reid: ma'am, it would do you a world of good to lose around 30 pounds. You're in danger of diabetes at this weight, but with proper diet and exercise we can- 
RNF Patient: OMG STOP FAT SHAMING ME MY BODY IS BEAUTIFUL YOU JUST CANT SEE IT BECAUSE YOURE PART OF THE SKINNY PATRIARCHY MODELS ARE TOTALLY UNHEALTHY 
Doctor Reid: okay, I'm going to just stick a note in your file that says "uncooperative and delusional" and send you up to the psych ward, alright?

I agree, Tyler isn't verbally abusive. People throw that term around so loosely here and I think it's insulting to people that actually WERE verbally abused. Making a snarky comment about what someone is eating is not verbal abuse. Maybe people are projecting like you said. But I think just about every couple makes snarky comments at one time or another to each other. That doesn't constitute verbal abuse. I see alot of really serious allegations thrown around about these people based off one or two comments. 

And I agree he shouldn't have to eat salads and broccoli all day because of Cate. Listen we know Tyler probably doesn't have the best diet, but most 25 year old men don't... if there's ever an age to indulge its in your 20's. Not saying he SHOULD be eating like crap, but people here acting like it's unheard of for a 25 year old guy to not eat healthy or something. Of course it would be nice if he ate healthy with her, but it's not abuse if he doesn't!. He is a douchbag, but he's also tried to talk to her nicely. At this point I don't really think it would matter how Tyler said it, this issue is on Cate and she has to want to change.

[poopchute]

1 hour ago, EDTV said:

And I agree he shouldn't have to eat salads and broccoli all day because of Cate.

I feel like there's a lot of options in between ordering takeout for every meal and eating salad and broccoli all day.  I don't know that anyone was suggesting they eat salads and broccoli for every meal.

[EDTV]

2 minutes ago, poopchute said:

I feel like there's a lot of options in between ordering takeout for every meal and eating salad and broccoli all day.  I don't know that anyone was suggesting they eat salads and broccoli for every meal.

it was an exaggeration. my point was a marriage is still two different people. And each is going to have their own weakness and strength. I've dated women that gained weight very easily, and others that never gained anything. But at the end of the day I'm not going to change my diet based on who I was with nor would I expect anyone to do that for me.

We all agree Tyler could be more supportive, but people saying he's verbally abusive are way off. And saying he should change his diet to match Cate, is also way off. While it would be nice for him to do so and that would be everyone's idea of the perfect husband, that's not a requirement and maybe not all together realistic.

[GreatKazu]

Quote

So what I'm saying is although it may be socially unacceptable and considered fat shaming, his wife is unhealthy and holding her accountable for what she eats is not any different than someone nagging a diabetic about sneaking a piece of cake.

I have an adult child who is diabetic. I have never nagged her about her health. I have calmly given her my opinionr and reminded her about some of the things she eats or drinks and how it can affect her in the long run. She is an adult. She told me she knows she should not ingest certain things. That is all I can do. I don't believe in shaming or nagging a loved one about their health. Reminding her how she shouldn't have that donut or slice of cake is something I don't do and it shouldn't be done. It doesn't get the results one might think they will get. The same goes for an addiction. I have had to deal with a few people in my life who suffered from addiction. Crying, yelling, shaming, it doesn't work. Laying out boundaries and sticking to those boundaries is what worked for me.

As for Tyler, he has a right to let Cate know how her lack of motivation or her not taking a pro-active approach to her problems is affecting their relationship. The thing that kills me is, he is not doing anything pro-active in his life. He is doing the same thing she is such as eating fast food, not seeking employment, not doing anything outside of their house such as engaging with their daughter by taking her places. The few times they do things outside of the house, it is about going to Comic Con, going on vacations, or partying with friends. It is like one addict shaming another addict. I am not hearing him say "We have problems and I want us to work on those problems."

If Tyler is not happy in the relationship, then he needs to lay out the boundary that he is concerned about Cate and how he is worried about her falling back into the same pattern. He would then have to let her know that if she continues to ignore her aftercare instructions and doesn't become pro-active, he is going to remove himself from the situation.

See, what bothers me is these two then go to their social media pages and post the shit like what I posted above. Cate has no fucks to give. She is telling the viewers through her tweets that we should not believe what we watch. She is tweeting that they have great communication. I guess she is okay with her spouse talking to her about being a heifer, a log, and how sick he is of her saying she is bored. Then, you have Tyler who tweets she can go ahead and eat all the food she wants. They will eat quesadillas together. They will get fat together. They get weed cards and continue to live their sloth lifestyle.

Okay Tyler. Then STFU about watching your wife doing nothing. STFU about her not seeking aftercare treatment. STFU Tyler about everrrrrrrything! You two sit and eat all the damn food you want and grow fat together. Smoke all the damn weed you want. I have no fucks to give. I don't care. I shed no tears for either one of you. Going by real-time info, you two are nowhere on your way to no place. I will root for Butch and Nova.

[kelseykixx]

14 hours ago, SPLAIN said:

I am one of the few who doesn't think she is clinically depressed. I think she is unhappy with herself, her looks, her weight, she is insecure, and she is overall feeling like shit because she thought once she became married she thought things would change. Something about the happily ever after that too many young girls seek. Having Nova didn't shake her feelings. Getting married didn't change anything other than her taking on Tyler's last name. Putting a ring on his finger has not stopped her feelings that Tyler is going to cheat on her or even leave her. She made a big thing about her needing to put a ring on his finger because she was so bothered by her feelings that he was not going to be around.

I just can't wrap around my head how Cate can be on a computer or her iPhone and spend so much time on social media, reading about herself and seeking fan attention, wanting to establish some kind of business of helping  people find their lost loves, acquiring animals for their household, getting high with her mom and Tyler, going out to party with friends but, she can't bother to read a book, take her dogs for a walk, tend to Nova, cook a meal, or hell, she can't even bother to get to a psychiatrist appointment for this supposed depression she keeps talking about. If she was dealing with a different disease and didn't seek a doctor for treatment, I don't know that she'd garner much sympathy. Just like Amber is dealing with being overweight and supposed depression. The girl munches on fast food and lies around all day. I'd give her some props if she at least tried to exercise or cooked some healthy meals. Instead, I give her the same eye rolls that I give Cate.

I agree - I don't think she has depression either. I think she may be FEELING depressed because of circumstances in her life but it's not depression. I think a BIG part of her insecurity/lethargy is her weight. She is completely unhappy with her size and as a result doesn't want to do anything - doesn't want to get dressed up, or go out, or be around people, or let people see her. I'm not overweight but I've had days where I've felt bloated or may have eaten too much and I don't want ANYONE to see me or to see anyone. I think she is greatly insecure about that and hasn't taken steps to change it because it's overwhelming to her so she figures "what's the point?"

I think Tyler is at his absolute wits end with trying to coddle her. Everyone's saying he should be more supportive but jesus christ she has literally been complaining about her weight for YEARSSSS. In the earlier seasons he even DID try and come to her with healthy recipes - I remember one episode where he talked about how he researched a bunch of healthy recipes online and they should make them but she resisted even then. At this point she has no one to blame but herself.

Edited October 13, 2016 by kelseykixx

[teapot]

also, what exactly does Tyler do all day?  Smoke up, occasionally pat Nova on the head, check social media & have lunch w/his mom?  I mean, is that really much more than Catelynn does?  hearing him so irate that she dares to take a nap...I can see how that'd be annoying to someone who was working all day or doing a ton of stuff around the house or w/the kid...but he really isn't.

[Tatum]

I don't feel qualified to speculate on someone's depression diagnosis, but @GreatKazu makes a great point- Cate has plenty of energy for and interest in fun activities like vacations, and outings with friends, yet when it comes to anything she doesn't want to do- getting a job, exercising, school, parenting her child- all the sudden she's too depressed to get off the couch. Cate reminds me of the adult version of that Shel Silverstein poem where the girl says she can't go out to school and lists a two page summary of all her maladies, only to be told that today is actually Saturday. She then responds, oh goodbye then, I'm going out to play.

 

As far as whether or Tyler is abusive- this is a sketchy area for me. I don't like the terms "emotional abuse" or "verbal abuse", not because I don't believe they exist- I know they totally do- but because they are so subjective. I don't know that I'd classify Tyler as abusive but I think he is manipulative. I think he likes to remind Cate in a 1,000 different subtle and unsubtle ways that he could do better than her and she should be grateful he has stuck with her. That is one trait of an abusive partner, but I don't know if having one or two traits of an abusive partner is the same as being an abusive partner. Maybe it is? I don't even think Tyler wants an upgrade because then he'd be the inferior one. I think Tyler enjoys lording his superiority over Cate. He obviously thinks he's smarter, better looking, and more popular than she is.

[GreatKazu]

18 minutes ago, kelseykixx said:

I agree - I don't think she is depressed either. I think she may be FEELING depressed because of circumstances in her life but it's not depression. I think a BIG part of her insecurity/lethargy is her weight. She is completely unhappy with her size and as a result doesn't want to do anything - doesn't want to get dressed up, or go out, or be around people, or let people see her. I'm not overweight but I've had days where I've felt bloated or may have eaten too much and I don't want ANYONE to see me or to see anyone. I think she is greatly insecure about that and hasn't taken steps to change it because it's overwhelming to her so she figures "what's the point?"

Agree.

I have a feeling she missed the psychiatric appointment because she would be told she is not suffering from depression. Her cover would be blown. We don't know what went down at rehab. We are certainly not being told the real reason she went there. Tyler mentioned Cate likely entered rehab due to what he was saying to her. If she did, then she didn't go for the right reasons. An addict has to want help, not be shamed or forced into it. Being off of marijuana for the month she was there seemed to have a great impact on her. She looked different and seemed vibrant. That may be the real culprit, but she won't give that up.

@Tatum

Quote

I don't feel qualified to speculate on someone's depression diagnosis, but @GreatKazu makes a great point- Cate has plenty of energy for and interest in fun activities like vacations, and outings with friends, yet when it comes to anything she doesn't want to do- getting a job, exercising, school, parenting her child- all the sudden she's too depressed to get off the couch. Cate reminds me of the adult version of that Shel Silverstein poem where the girl says she can't go out to school and lists a two page summary of all her maladies, only to be told that today is actually Saturday. She then responds, oh goodbye then, I'm going out to play.

I love Shel Siverstein! I never thought I would read his name being mentioned here. You are spot on with that poem. Describes Cate to a tee! For those who are interested, here is the poem:

“I cannot go to school today," Said little Peggy Ann McKay. “I have the measles and the mumps, A gash, a rash and purple bumps. My mouth is wet, my throat is dry, I’m going blind in my right eye. My tonsils are as big as rocks, I’ve counted sixteen chicken pox And there’s one more—that’s seventeen, And don’t you think my face looks green? My leg is cut—my eyes are blue— It might be instamatic flu. I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke, I’m sure that my left leg is broke— My hip hurts when I move my chin, My belly button’s caving in, My back is wrenched, my ankle’s sprained, My ‘pendix pains each time it rains. My nose is cold, my toes are numb. I have a sliver in my thumb. My neck is stiff, my voice is weak, I hardly whisper when I speak. My tongue is filling up my mouth, I think my hair is falling out. My elbow’s bent, my spine ain’t straight, My temperature is one-o-eight. My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear, There is a hole inside my ear. I have a hangnail, and my heart is—what? What’s that? What’s that you say? You say today is. . .Saturday? G’bye, I’m going out to play!”

Edited October 13, 2016 by GreatKazu

[Katt]

If we were on a reality show (no thanks, I won't even be in a photograph) the editors would be hard pressed to edit in negative shit my husband allegedly said. What gets me is, these people are probably on their best behaviour because they're being filmed, so what are they like when no cameras are around? ALL of these people. I'm not singling anybody out.

[poopchute]

30 minutes ago, EDTV said:

it was an exaggeration. my point was a marriage is still two different people. And each is going to have their own weakness and strength. I've dated women that gained weight very easily, and others that never gained anything. But at the end of the day I'm not going to change my diet based on who I was with nor would I expect anyone to do that for me.

We all agree Tyler could be more supportive, but people saying he's verbally abusive are way off. And saying he should change his diet to match Cate, is also way off. While it would be nice for him to do so and that would be everyone's idea of the perfect husband, that's not a requirement and maybe not all together realistic.

I guess I just think it would be so weird if every night I said, "hey tonight I am making steaks, sweet potatoes, and edamame" or "hey I tried this new crockpot recipe, it's got chicken and rice and corn and beans" or "hi honey I have turkey burgers ready to throw on the grill" and my husband said "oh that's cool I'm ordering Chinese" or "oh nice I am getting wings" or "good for you! I think I'll have a pizza."  

[Tatum]

7 minutes ago, poopchute said:

I guess I just think it would be so weird if every night I said, "hey tonight I am making steaks, sweet potatoes, and edamame" or "hey I tried this new crockpot recipe, it's got chicken and rice and corn and beans" or "hi honey I have turkey burgers ready to throw on the grill" and my husband said "oh that's cool I'm ordering Chinese" or "oh nice I am getting wings" or "good for you! I think I'll have a pizza."  

 

True...but in what fucking world would Cate be like, "hey I researched some crockpot recipes, now I'm going to try them!"

 

I do love this line though..."good for you! I'm going to order a pizza. "

 

I bet the most "cooking" either of these idiots have ever done involved unwrapping the cellophane off a frozen pizza and preheating the oven.

 

Cate is probably like my cousin who, in an effort to be healthier, started eating salads...with breaded chicken, croutons, cheese and extra ranch.

[teapot]

3 minutes ago, Tatum said:

 

 

Cate is probably like my cousin who, in an effort to be healthier, started eating salads...with breaded chicken, croutons, cheese and extra ranch.

super not nice of you...it is almost lunch time...and now I know what I want to get!!!  thanks for that...

[GreatKazu]

Quote

True...but in what fucking world would Cate be like, "hey I researched some crockpot recipes, now I'm going to try them!"

LOL

In Cate's world this is what she would say:

"Hey, I researched and found some great hotels near the next Comic Con"

"Hey, I was online today and I found this micro-mini horse"

"Hey, these bastards at PTV think you are looking doughy, Tyler"

"Hey, I found a great place to take our next vacation"

[starfire]

I don't think I have ever seen Tyler or Cate cook anything. I have seen them eating out and getting a lot of takeout, but never cooking. Heck, I have even witnessed Butch cooking a few times, and Amber even put a can of beans in a pot this week, but I am starting to think that Cate and Tyler eat only in restaurants and take out.

[poopchute]

22 minutes ago, Tatum said:

 

True...but in what fucking world would Cate be like, "hey I researched some crockpot recipes, now I'm going to try them!"

 

I do love this line though..."good for you! I'm going to order a pizza. "

 

I bet the most "cooking" either of these idiots have ever done involved unwrapping the cellophane off a frozen pizza and preheating the oven.

 

Cate is probably like my cousin who, in an effort to be healthier, started eating salads...with breaded chicken, croutons, cheese and extra ranch.

But why, WHY can't she put three ingredients in a crockpot and then press "low" and then the arrow 6 times to make it 6 hours?  I know she's really really dumb but I think she can manage that.  Last night I made chicken tacos.  It was chicken, a jar of salsa, and some seasoning.  You could even just get the packet of taco seasoning and throw it in there if you can't be bothered to make your own taco seasoning.  Then I opened a pack of taco shells.  Then we put the meat in the shells. It wasn't hard and mostly healthy, the worst thing is the shells and you could just eat the meat over brown rice if you really wanted to avoid the taco shells.  But they aren't that bad.  Anyway.  How hard is that?  

[teapot]

1 minute ago, poopchute said:

But why, WHY can't she put three ingredients in a crockpot and then press "low" and then the arrow 6 times to make it 6 hours?  I know she's really really dumb but I think she can manage that.  Last night I made chicken tacos.  It was chicken, a jar of salsa, and some seasoning.  You could even just get the packet of taco seasoning and throw it in there if you can't be bothered to make your own taco seasoning.  Then I opened a pack of taco shells.  Then we put the meat in the shells. It wasn't hard and mostly healthy, the worst thing is the shells and you could just eat the meat over brown rice if you really wanted to avoid the taco shells.  But they aren't that bad.  Anyway.  How hard is that?  

in order for all of that, you need to procure said ingredients.  which are probs not in the kitchen.  so now you need to go to the grocery store, which means "a place which is not the couch and requires pants."  also, you need to do something/anything with this tiny blonde person, which requires car seats and....ugggghhhh I'm tired even *talking* about it...

[Tatum]

I'm sure she doesn't own a crockpot. Unless it was one of the items on their ridiculous wedding registry that they probably never used, like the hostess tray. 

[teapot]

Just now, Tatum said:

I'm sure she doesn't own a crockpot. Unless it was one of the items on their ridiculous wedding registry that they probably never used, like the hostess tray. 

I have black floral lacquer serving trays from 1989 if anyone needs them....(a definite must-have for your average heavily-Aqua-Netted 21-year-old bride?)

[Tatum]

On 7/20/2015 at 10:34 PM, GreatKazu said:

Platinum hostess tray? You can't fit a pizza on that tray. Vegetable bowl? For what? They don't eat vegetables. Wood salad server set. Oh, shit. LOL What a joke. Sugar dispenser? Yeah, that will hold the salt that Catelynn will pour all over her food. Kitchen timer? I guess they need that to keep tabs on the pizza delivery person.  A ten dollar pizza chopper. Oh yes, finally something that they will use.

15 months later, this post about Cate and her registry still cracks me up.

[GreatKazu]

1 minute ago, Tatum said:

I'm sure she doesn't own a crockpot. Unless it was one of the items on their ridiculous wedding registry that they probably never used, like the hostess tray. 

Ohhh, they use that hostess tray. It is just not used for the reason it was supposed to be used. Tyler and Cate use it to bag up their weed, cut it, and roll up their joints.

[poopchute]

But if she can buy a pig she can buy a crock pot. And if she doesn't want to go to the store, many stores offer grocery delivery now. Or at least you can order online and then pick it up and they bring it to your car. That's what I do now because I'm not going grocery shopping with a 4 month old. It's so, so easy and it costs $6.   If she's doing weight watchers she must be buying groceries somehow?

[Tatum]

She could buy a crockpot...she could do a lot of things, were she inclined to make the effort. Most of the time she's not.

[poopchute]

Right, so I don't feel bad for her because she's not even making the tiniest effort to improve even one small part of her life.  

[Tatum]

Sure she is. Every time she tokes up she feels a little better about her life. :)

[heatherchandler]

On 9/6/2016 at 0:15 PM, geekamonggeeks said:

I have seen some photos of Carly a couple years ago (around the time when B&T started restricting what C&T could post on social media), and she is the spitting image of Catelynn. She has Cate's facial features, Cate's hair color, and the patented Lowell five-head. Nova looks like Cate, too. They may bear some resemblance to Tyler, but they both favor Catelynn. What's interesting is that Carly used to look like Tyler when she was a toddler, whereas Nova came out of the womb looking just like Cate's twin. 

When I look at both Nova and Carly, it makes me think that they look so much like both of their parents, I start to think Cate and Tyler look alike!

 

On 9/6/2016 at 10:52 AM, CofCinci said:

Cate has smoked pot since middle school. She wouldn't cough like that. Her mother wouldn't be so excited giggling that they were going to boogietown over pot. This was meth (or crack).

I think they were giggling like that because they were being "sneaky" and covering the camera.  I don't think they were giggling for the pot.  I just do not believe she smokes crack, or meth. 

 

18 hours ago, SPLAIN said:

I agree. Don't crawl away. Tyler is an ass. That does not mean Cate's behavior should be excused.

It is definitely exhausting dealing with someone who has such a problem, but fails to do anything to help themselves. I dealt with chronic back issues and I tried everything under the sun to help with the pain. I didn't want to be on the couch or lying in bed. When I would hear of something new or that might help me, there I was making phone calls to make an appointment. I tried chiropractors, physical therapy, pool therapy, all kinds of therapy. I did several procedures. I had surgeries. My point is, I really wanted relief. I wanted to feel better. I was willing to walk the ends of this planet to find anyone who could help me. It wasn't going to get done unless I did something about it. Cate is not wanting help, plain and simple. She wants to be looked upon as a victim and as was mentioned here, it gives her an excuse. 

There is a reason chronic depression has such a stigma, and it is because the act of getting help is extremely difficult for the person suffering from the disease.  You have chronic back pain, but not a mental illness.  Your brain still works properly, so you look up doctors, and do what you have to do.  Depression is so often mistaken for laziness.  And maybe she is also a little lazy, too, and super low-energy.  It is chemical, not a personal failing.

People who suffer from depression lack the ability to get help.  It is so absolutely awful, I really wish people understood how difficult simple everyday activities are for someone with depression.  It is a vicious circle, depression makes you want to hide under the covers... hiding under the covers and getting nothing done makes you more depressed.  I am sure she wants to feel better, too, but it is so hard to crawl out of the hole.  

[Tatum]

3 minutes ago, heatherchandler said:

There is a reason chronic depression has such a stigma, and it is because the act of getting help is extremely difficult for the person suffering from the disease.  You have chronic back pain, but not a mental illness.  Your brain still works properly, so you look up doctors, and do what you have to do.  Depression is so often mistaken for laziness.  And maybe she is also a little lazy, too, and super low-energy.  It is chemical, not a personal failing.

People who suffer from depression lack the ability to get help.  It is so absolutely awful, I really wish people understood how difficult simple everyday activities are for someone with depression.  It is a vicious circle, depression makes you want to hide under the covers... hiding under the covers and getting nothing done makes you more depressed.  I am sure she wants to feel better, too, but it is so hard to crawl out of the hole.  

I understand depression is still largely misunderstood, with people thinking the depressed person should just shake it off or get some perspective. But the disconnect here is that Cate does have enthusiasm for some things. It seems rather convenient that she has the inclination to do fun things, but "work" tasks are what get avoided.

[GreatKazu]

33 minutes ago, Tatum said:

15 months later, this post about Cate and her registry still cracks me up.

I read that and thought, how funny. Then I read the name of the poster was who posted it. My memory is failing me. LOL

Quote

I really wish people understood how difficult simple everyday activities are for someone with depression.

@heatherchandler

I dealt with depression. I can understand.

What many find difficult is, the convenience with which Cate seems to have this so-called depression. I find it difficult to hear someone complain about depression at certain times and questionable times such as when their spouse (Tyler) mentions the possibility of leaving them or when the spouse mentions how is it they are not following up on aftercare. Depression is not a factor when Cate planned her fantasy wedding, having a child, going to Hawaii, going out of town for a friend's wedding, going out of town to go to a lake house, going to Comic Con out of state, going to Boogie Town, buying more animals when those animals and the one child in the house is being ignored, drinking, smoking weed, leaving Nova for five days out of the week, being a social media addict, and then the clincher! Cate and Ty want people to contact them about the need to finding loved ones for a project they are working on. How can Cate have all that energy for all of those things and to even be bogged down with all the emails they are no doubt receiving about this project?

It is not fair IMO to those who are really truly affected by depression to claim to have such a disease and use it when it is convenient.