S07.E06: Too Close for Comfort

[Jax7917]

On 8/8/2018 at 10:11 AM, humbleopinion said:

"I want you to know that I will never want that wagon wheel coffee table" said Carrie Fisher's Marie to Bruno Kirby's Jess in WHMS......classic..

excellent cross reference

 

Was just watching that yesterday ! Love that movie . 

[Jax7917]

Danielle is a cute girl but how does anyone's eyebrows become like that ? 

[humbleopinion]

Is that a trick question?

Prominent, groomed brows is how she wants them.

She is making fashion choices with her brows and eyelashes.

She is attractive and happy how she looks...more power to her.

Edited August 10, 2018 by humbleopinion

[crgirl412]

6 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I can't agree with you that it all comes down to color because the power of religion and belief in "destiny" is incredibly strong.  I think she is able to manipulate him because she knows he wants to believe that she was sent to him by God and she is God's will for him.  If she feeds into that belief she knows he won't turn his back on something he believes God has ordained for him.  He has to continue to believe that she is "the one" and no matter what she looks like he'd find a way to believe that this is the person God wants him to find attractive.  Just as no matter whether she's been arrested or stalked someone, he has to love her because this is what he thinks God is asking of him.  I firmly believe that Tristan is one person that would put his "worldly desires" secondary to what he believes is God's will for him.  We are talking about someone with a fundamentalist belief (and I have had good friends who have been such), and they are known to make great sacrifice and put aside whatever "worldly" preferences they have once they have bought into someone being God's will for them.  That's why I can't see what Tristan is doing as based solely on her skin color.  He most definitely doesn't strike me as being shallow enough to overlook her being arrested and possibly lying to him and the world just based on her skin tone, or believe that she is "the one" purely because she's light skinned.  Feel free to disagree, though!

I agree with you that Tristan is following what he believes is God's will for him.  I don't think the shade of his wife's skin plays into that much if at all.  I am a Christian with beliefs like Tristan's and even if we prefer X and God gives us Y, then Y it is.  We are not to hold on too tightly to our wants but trust God for our needs and believe that who/what he provides for us is for our good and His glory.   

[Nowhere]

I’m so sick of watching these people brush their teeth multiple times in every single episode.. WE GET IT! 

[Marsh]

2 hours ago, ECM1231 said:

If I were Bobby, though, I'd be mad at the experts for pairing me with a person who has debt, especially that he is debt free and owns a home. 

He did seem irritated by it.  But she said she doesn't expect him to pay it off.  I would never exclude someone from my dating pool due to debt because there are a lot of good people out there you could be missing out on.  I used to date a teacher and she made $35k a year and was $80k in debt.  And she spent all her money on clothes and shoes...  But she was happy.

The way I see it Bobby is doing great so far here.  Danielle seems like a good person and is attractive.  It could be worse, at least he's not paired with Mia.

[humbleopinion]

Think if Amber’s credit card debt ever gets revealed, it will make Danielle’s look reasonable.

Blondie has serious amount of stuff and she doesn’t Deprive herself of anything.

8K to be released from Danielle’s apt. Lease is robbery.

Danielle is really 23K in the hole.

Bobby already knew the amount or he would have passed out just by the sheer stupidity and fiscal irresponsibility.

I would try to negotiate that 8K down...

Show up at the management office with 4K in hundred bills and ask if we can just terminate her lease if we pay lump sum cash..if they say no lay another $500 on the desk.

Has anyone ever gotten a $$ break in terminating a long term rental agreement?

[JAndy]

On 8/8/2018 at 7:10 PM, Amy Beth said:

Moving into one of the partners’ pre-existing homes is going to make the inevitable break-ups that much messier. Who the heck is going to extract Amber and her shoes from Dave’s house when they decide to divorce?

Remember season 1 with monet and Vaughn? She was sitting on the couch playing on her phone as he packed up. 

[humbleopinion]

I can imagine Dave doing the same as Amber struggles to get her tonnage of shoes, clothing, Buddha picture, stuff out of his house.....

[PityFree]

7 hours ago, humbleopinion said:

Think if Amber’s credit card debt ever gets revealed, it will make Danielle’s look reasonable.

Blondie has serious amount of stuff and she doesn’t Deprive herself of anything.

8K to be released from Danielle’s apt. Lease is robbery.

Danielle is really 23K in the hole.

Bobby already knew the amount or he would have passed out just by the sheer stupidity and fiscal irresponsibility.

I would try to negotiate that 8K down...

Show up at the management office with 4K in hundred bills and ask if we can just terminate her lease if we pay lump sum cash..if they say no lay another $500 on the desk.

Has anyone ever gotten a $$ break in terminating a long term rental agreement?

Nope.  I’ve only had to break a lease once and I tried to negotiate. And beg. No luck.   And they expected a lump sum payment to break the lease — they didn’t need to give me a discount to do that.  My lease was more reasonable than DanieI’s: I didn’t have to buy out the entire lease. But I had to come up with an amount equivalent to three months of rent to break it. My lease did not allow subletting and I had 8 months left. I was able to get my security deposit back, though, which was the equivalent of one month of rent.  Leases suck and landlords can be evil. 

 It was worth it to get out of the lease, though. I got to move to a different state and I am much happier.

[humbleopinion]

8K just seems too outlandish...which begs the question...why would she agree to it to begin with...SMH

[ramble]

Did Danielle mention how many months she has left on her lease? I just assumed the 8K was the amount of rent she would owe until her rental contract expired. And a lease is a contract and therefore the lessor doesn’t have to negotiate unless there’s a clause regarding that. If the rental property is easy to rent I would think a reasonable landlord might be willing to negotiate a little. Unless Danielle has been a sucky tenant. However I imagine it might not occur to her to ask to negotiate because she doesn’t seem financially savvy. 

[Crazy Bird Lady]

48 minutes ago, humbleopinion said:

8K just seems too outlandish...which begs the question...why would she agree to it to begin with...SMH

Because Bobby has a house, and her place isn't big enough for her, Bobby, the dogs, the fosters, and all her stuff!  Plus, the dogs really do need a yard to run in. Danielle really does seem to care a lot about dogs (even though she's obviously guilty of over-feeding her own). They need the larger space, if nothing else. 

But I agree with everyone --did she not even read her lease agreement? Having to pay $8,000 is crazy! Especially for a small place. It's got to be more than 3 months' worth. They're in Dallas, after all, not Manhattan! 

I just hope the marriage between Danielle and Bobby will last. They seem to be the couple with the best chance for success.

 

26 minutes ago, ramble said:

Did Danielle mention how many months she has left on her lease? I just assumed the 8K was the amount of rent she would owe until her rental contract expired. And a lease is a contract and therefore the lessor doesn’t have to negotiate unless there’s a clause regarding that. If the rental property is easy to rent I would think a reasonable landlord might be willing to negotiate a little. Unless Danielle has been a sucky tenant. However I imagine it might not occur to her to ask to negotiate because she doesn’t seem financially savvy. 

They should at least try to talk it over with the landlord, if there is one. But it's probably some faceless, heartless corporation...

Edited August 10, 2018 by Crazy Bird Lady

[Crazy Bird Lady]

49 minutes ago, PityFree said:

My lease did not allow subletting...

Yeah, I wondered why they weren't even considering that option. Probably because, it isn't one.

[Crazy Bird Lady]

11 hours ago, humbleopinion said:

Prominent, groomed brows is how she [Danielle] wants them.

She is making fashion choices with her brows and eyelashes.

She is attractive and happy how she looks...more power to her.

I agree, except about the eyelashes. She's paying too much to get them 'done,' and that money should be going to her colossal debt! She either needs to learn to do the fake eyelashes herself, or make do with mascara.

[red12]

11 hours ago, crgirl412 said:

I agree with you that Tristan is following what he believes is God's will for him.  I don't think the shade of his wife's skin plays into that much if at all.  I am a Christian with beliefs like Tristan's and even if we prefer X and God gives us Y, then Y it is.  We are not to hold on too tightly to our wants but trust God for our needs and believe that who/what he provides for us is for our good and His glory.   

I don't know who else has much experience with colorism but, it is powerful. A person can be driven both by "God's will" and prejudice at the same time. Hell, whole groups of American evangelicals are at any given moment.

I agree that Tristan believes he is devoutly following God's will and part of that perfect will for his life is a nice looking, mixed-race presenting wife. Like any successful con, this one works because the person being tricked actively participates in their own deception.

[gonecrackers]

12 hours ago, crgirl412 said:

I agree with you that Tristan is following what he believes is God's will for him.  I don't think the shade of his wife's skin plays into that much if at all.  I am a Christian with beliefs like Tristan's and even if we prefer X and God gives us Y, then Y it is.  We are not to hold on too tightly to our wants but trust God for our needs and believe that who/what he provides for us is for our good and His glory.   

People also do make mistakes & end up in bad situations, then blame it on God when they were never *really* listening or following Him to being with - you reap what you sow sometimes.

12 hours ago, humbleopinion said:

Prominent, groomed brows is how she wants them.

She is making fashion choices with her brows and eyelashes.

She is attractive and happy how she looks...more power to her.

The overdone brows/lashes detract from her natural good looks, which are under there somewhere.

[Amy Beth]

If this were a normal marriage, dealing with Danielle’s lease would make sense. But given that the marriage may end after 2 months, there’s no reason for her to try to get out of it, at least not yet. Use some of the $5k to pay the rent and re-assess later. None of these people should be giving up their homes permanently. That would be incredibly foolish.

[Crazy Bird Lady]

1 hour ago, Amy Beth said:

If this were a normal marriage, dealing with Danielle’s lease would make sense. But given that the marriage may end after 2 months, there’s no reason for her to try to get out of it, at least not yet. Use some of the $5k to pay the rent and re-assess later. None of these people should be giving up their homes permanently. That would be incredibly foolish.

You're probably right. It is definitely a big gamble, for Bobby and Danielle to pay off that lease. But, it's clear Bobby will have to be the one handling the finances -since Danielle obviously can't- and Bobby apparently wants to just go ahead and pay it off.

[stuckin60s]

If it was me, I would wait out the 3 months before i paid for anyone's debt

Amber and Danielle spend too much money on themselves.  Danielle at least looks better than Amber except for eyebrows ( they seem lighter in different shots.

Tristan always looks tired and sad,  Mia doesn't seem to understand what she has done to him.  No guilt.  she thinks her smile is all she needs.  I am not a fan of her smile 

 

As far as Dave and Amber.  He is in trouble.  she stays at his house, her cat tears it up.  No real apology, no i will take care of that or I will replace it....

She can also go to the vet and get some medication to help the cat relax.

[crgirl412]

3 hours ago, red12 said:

I don't know who else has much experience with colorism but, it is powerful. A person can be driven both by "God's will" and prejudice at the same time. Hell, whole groups of American evangelicals are at any given moment.

I agree that Tristan believes he is devoutly following God's will and part of that perfect will for his life is a nice looking, mixed-race presenting wife. Like any successful con, this one works because the person being tricked actively participates in their own deception.

As well as whole groups of Roman Catholics, Eastern Orthodox, Muslims and Jews.

Tristan knows that is a preference or a want of his and I think he thinks by virtue of it happening, it was the will of God.  The line of thinking is God showed Tristan favor and granted him something he wanted; He certainly didn't have to but he did. 

So..... his thinking is Mia is the person who God wills for him to be married to for their good (how they can grow to be more like Jesus by being together) and for God's glory. 

I'm not saying them being put together is or is not God's will just that it seems as though my spiritual bent in some ways is similar to Tristan's based on what I've seen and am pretty confident in interpreting his line of thinking. God is far more concerned that when two Christians marry, they are each the best people for the other to be as Christ-like as possible, point others to God, raise children to love and honor God and bring Him glory. 

Tristan and Pastor think skin tone is a preference like height or weight, right?  Pastor didn't call him out when it was mentioned.  How and when does it turn into a prejudice?  If his preference were for darker skin tone, what is that?  I'm white and short, average weight with green eyes, fair skin and reddish hair- red when a child, turned brown, now I help it stay red.  Some guys aren't into my look so they wouldn't consider me at all and exclusivity date tall, natural-haired, black girls.  Am I to feel some type of way about that?  Some might say yes but I just don't.  I literally don't have a type in any category except religion so I don't really get it.  It gets offensive when they are rude about it or everything else is there but no movement in the preference of the physical.  

My only "must have" is they must be a Christian- and live it out in fairly similar ways- ex. I don't believe that giving money to men on my tv brings me any favor with God or I will get more money in the the future. I think it's borderline heretical (and believe that I could support it with the Bible) so my husband could not be into that kind of belief system.  God would have to do something for it to change.

I had something happen years ago that still bothers me.  I was a regular teacher in a middle school and there was a substitute teacher in for another teacher who was a black male, around my age and Christian.  I assisted him throughout the day and we talked about our faith and other stuff during down times.  I thought he was nice and cute.  My precocious 8th graders saw all this and decided to help their 20-something year old teacher out without me knowing about it.  I'm not exactly sure what they said to him but his answer was that he didn't date outside his race.  Even though I had no intention of anything with him, my feelings were hurt and I felt very "less than" since I can't change my race.  I was very surprised as I thought that he would be open to whoever God had for him regardless of race or ethnicity.  I also felt bad for him that he was limiting himself in a matter that can't be supported with the Bible.        

2 hours ago, gonecrackers said:

People also do make mistakes & end up in bad situations, then blame it on God when they were never *really* listening or following Him to being with - you reap what you sow sometimes.

I know that's right! 

[gonecrackers]

At least with these people speaking to the 'experts' & filling out forms reg. preferences, it's supposed to stay with the process. However, this process is broadcast on TV, at least the parts they want to broadcast. For some reason they decided to air Tristan giving his color preference, but that doesn't happen to everyone. Much of what they asked for in deal breakers, physical types they are not attracted to, etc, etc, is not shown.

It seems to me this show aired that specifically to start discussions, which might in turn create more interest in the show.  Think about if they actually knew something about Mia's issues & considered ratings instead of Tristan's feelings. But they wouldn't do that now, would they...  ;-/

Edited August 10, 2018 by gonecrackers

[LennieBriscoe]

Well, sure, those heavily pencilled, unnatural-looking eyebrows are what Danielle wants; they ARE hers. I happen to think she has bizarre notions on what constitutes "attractive" eyebrows! I can see her being the only woman ever to say,  annoyed, "My eyes are DOWN here!"

[Crazy Bird Lady]

30 minutes ago, LennieBriscoe said:

Well, sure, those heavily pencilled, unnatural-looking eyebrows are what Danielle wants; they ARE hers. I happen to think she has bizarre notions on what constitutes "attractive" eyebrows! I can see her being the only woman ever to say,  annoyed, "My eyes are DOWN here!"

rofl!

[Matty]

Mia's decorating choices are pretty questionable. Tacky. Tristan wasn't feeling the Texas longhorn horns, the Texas map wall art and the Texas cutting board. The letters hanging on the wall spelling out G O D were the final straw. An overt, over the top, display like that shows she's trying way too hard. I'm a stalker. I committed fraud with my ex- boyfriend's credit card, but I believe in G O D so I'm a really good person. Give me a break, Mia.

[Crazy Bird Lady]

2 hours ago, crgirl412 said:

I had something happen years ago that still bothers me.  I was a regular teacher in a middle school and there was a substitute teacher in for another teacher who was a black male, around my age and Christian.  I assisted him throughout the day and we talked about our faith and other stuff during down times.  I thought he was nice and cute.  My precocious 8th graders saw all this and decided to help their 20-something year old teacher out without me knowing about it.  I'm not exactly sure what they said to him but his answer was that he didn't date outside his race.  Even though I had no intention of anything with him, my feelings were hurt and I felt very "less than" since I can't change my race.  I was very surprised as I thought that he would be open to whoever God had for him regardless of race or ethnicity.  I also felt bad for him that he was limiting himself in a matter that can't be supported with the Bible.  

I know a woman in her late 40's who (similar to Mia) is half African-American, and the other half is (mostly) from India. [She is not a friend.]

I'm white, and I've heard white racists talk. (I don't like it.) 

But I have never in my life heard anyone go on a more racist (anti-black) rant than the woman I just mentioned!! She doesn't even bother to be subtle, perhaps because everyone who sees her assumes she's 'black,' and they don't want to offend her. But she has some really ugly, hateful, stereotypical things to say about black men, and she says it with venom! 

At the time I first became acquainted with her, she was single and out on parole (but she almost never talked about the reason for that). She was very vocal about her extreme Christian devotion, and how much she loved singing in her church choir, how it "fulfilled" her. She even talked some reporter for the local paper into writing articles about how she had 'turned her whole life around,' had found a job, and was taking college classes --hoping to become an attorney some day. She was lauded as a good example for others to follow. 

I'm certain she never told that reporter how she felt about dating African-American men. But, for some reason, she chose to tell me. She was very angry that I didn't applaud her racist attitude, and even angrier that I dared to comment that by never-under-any-circumstances dating anyone with African blood, she was ruling out some good Christian men. 

Eventually, she got a scholarship to a Christian-oriented university where she convinced a white college student about 20 years younger, to marry her.

She no longer shows up in church on a regular basis and sings in the choir. And she dropped out of college after getting married (or so I've been told).

 

19 minutes ago, Matty said:

Mia's decorating choices are pretty questionable. Tacky. Tristan wasn't feeling the Texas longhorn horns, the Texas map wall art and the Texas cutting board. The letters hanging on the wall spelling out G O D were the final straw. An overt, over the top, display like that shows she's trying way too hard. I'm a stalker. I committed fraud with my ex- boyfriend's credit card, but I believe in G O D so I'm a really good person. Give me a break, Mia.

Mia has already admitted on TV that she has lived with a man in the past. I don't think those were her decorating choices.

Edited August 10, 2018 by Crazy Bird Lady

[gonecrackers]

12 minutes ago, Crazy Bird Lady said:

Mia has already admitted on TV that she has lived with a man in the past. I don't think those were her decorating choices.

Makes one wonder if those are the stalkee's things she kept. If I were Tristan I'd have so many questions...

[humbleopinion]

4 hours ago, stuckin60s said:

 

She Amber can also go to the vet  doctor's and get some medication to help the cat DAVE relax.

I fixed it for you.....

[crgirl412]

1 hour ago, Crazy Bird Lady said:

I know a woman in her late 40's who (similar to Mia) is half African-American, and the other half is (mostly) from India. [She is not a friend.]

I'm white, and I've heard white racists talk. (I don't like it.) 

But I have never in my life heard anyone go on a more racist (anti-black) rant than the woman I just mentioned!! She doesn't even bother to be subtle, perhaps because everyone who sees her assumes she's 'black,' and they don't want to offend her. But she has some really ugly, hateful, stereotypical things to say about black men, and she says it with venom! 

At the time I first became acquainted with her, she was single and out on parole (but she almost never talked about the reason for that). She was very vocal about her extreme Christian devotion, and how much she loved singing in her church choir, how it "fulfilled" her. She even talked some reporter for the local paper into writing articles about how she had 'turned her whole life around,' had found a job, and was taking college classes --hoping to become an attorney some day. She was lauded as a good example for others to follow. 

I'm certain she never told that reporter how she felt about dating African-American men. But, for some reason, she chose to tell me. She was very angry that I didn't applaud her racist attitude, and even angrier that I dared to comment that by never-under-any-circumstances dating anyone with African blood, she was ruling out some good Christian men. 

Eventually, she got a scholarship to a Christian-oriented university where she convinced a white college student about 20 years younger, to marry her.

She no longer shows up in church on a regular basis and sings in the choir. And she dropped out of college after getting married (or so I've been told).

 

How sad that she feels that way about African-American men.  I wonder where that stems from?

[Empress1]

2 hours ago, gonecrackers said:

Makes one wonder if those are the stalkee's things she kept. If I were Tristan I'd have so many questions...

I can't get over that Tristan doesn't ask ANY questions when confronted with Mia's legal troubles. Not even "Do you have to go to court?" Like, you can't leave the state for your honeymoon and you don't ask any questions at all? I just don't get it. If I were Tristan, that would be like a three-hour conversation. (Judging by what I've seen of Mia, I'd probably make her cry. Not on purpose, but I would ask a LOT of questions and not let her off the hook, and I suspect she'd try to manipulate me by crying.) I can't wait for his mother to grill her. SOMEBODY should.

[Neurochick]

I think people who understand colorism know that it's more than just "a preference." 

White people are the dominant group in the US, they have more power and money than black people.  So it could be that when a black man says, "I prefer light skinned women," (especially when they add in long hair to the mix), what they're stating is "I want to be with a woman who is closer to the dominant culture group."  Maybe they feel their children's life would be easier, etc. 

Edited August 11, 2018 by Neurochick

[Yeah No]

1 hour ago, Neurochick said:

I think people who understand colorism know that it's more than just "a preference." 

White people are the dominant group in the US, they have more power and money than black people.  So it could be that when a black man says, "I prefer light skinned women," (especially when they add in long hair to the mix), what they're stating is "I want to be with a woman who is closer to the dominant culture group."  Maybe they feel their children's life would be easier, etc. 

Sure that could be the case, but as with anything else I don't think it's fair to generalize on every black man's motivations in wanting a lighter skinned partner.  If Tristan were that colorist, why wouldn't he just go full-on and ask the experts for a white woman and leave it at that?  I think just asking for someone that wasn't darker than himself is not necessarily a sign of wanting to be with someone closer to the dominant culture group.  After all, he's still open to a woman of color.  If he asked for a white woman I might wonder, though.

The more I find out, the more I realize that if there's a physical trait out there, even if it's something not commonly desired, there are still men out there that prefer it.  I've had to learn that it's probably best not to get too hung up on why men have their physical preferences.  Whatever the reason, even if it's not motivated by some kind of ethnic prejudice, we women would likely find a reason to criticize it and call it "shallow" anyway.

[Yeah No]

7 hours ago, crgirl412 said:

Tristan and Pastor think skin tone is a preference like height or weight, right?  Pastor didn't call him out when it was mentioned.  How and when does it turn into a prejudice?  If his preference were for darker skin tone, what is that?  I'm white and short, average weight with green eyes, fair skin and reddish hair- red when a child, turned brown, now I help it stay red.  Some guys aren't into my look so they wouldn't consider me at all and exclusivity date tall, natural-haired, black girls.  Am I to feel some type of way about that?  Some might say yes but I just don't.  I literally don't have a type in any category except religion so I don't really get it.  It gets offensive when they are rude about it or everything else is there but no movement in the preference of the physical. 

I would have chosen a man of any race if it felt right, and I did date men of other races, but ended up with a white guy.  I didn't really think about it back then.  I just went with what worked.  I could have easily ended up with someone of another race if it had worked out that way.  Just a factor of the very diverse environment I grew up in.

A Jewish girlfriend of mine has always preferred Hispanic men.  She has been that way forever.  When I was in high school there was a Jewish guy that only dated black women.  I liked him, but wasn't "his type".  Geesh.  So it works both ways, obviously!  I have another Jewish girlfriend that exclusively dates Jewish men, and it's definitely not because she's religious because she's not at all.  So I agree with you that it becomes hard to figure out where the line is drawn between prejudice and non-prejudice when it comes to this.

[Jack Sampson]

10 hours ago, Neurochick said:

So it could be that when a black man says, "I prefer light skinned women," (especially when they add in long hair to the mix), what they're stating is "I want to be with a woman who is closer to the dominant culture group."  Maybe they feel their children's life would be easier, etc. 

I don't see a problem with this.

In any case, I doubt Mia's spell over Tristan would be undone with a few trips to a tanning salon.  Her looks (let's be honest, she's a hard 5 on a good day) aren't her best asset - lighter or darker isn't going to help or hinder - a workout plan would help but that's another discussion that typically gets me banned for a few days.  Right now, it's all about sex and selling a God-ordained storyline.  Throw in some helplessness that reinforces Tristan's delusion that he's "stepping up and being a man", and she's a legit artist.  Seriously, I marvel at and applaud her skill.

[humbleopinion]

The cameras were turned off but their mics were still hot....

Danielle: So...is the offer to stay home with the kids still on the table...?

Bobby: Heck no...you have at least 5 years of being a working mom to pay off your card debt....you bleed money...

Bobby: Well... we have to find ways to cut your expenses down...

 I could learn how to do the waxing...I'm pretty handy...

I really good at plucking my ducks clean...how far off from duck feathers are we talking here....

Danielle: That is never happening...but it is awfully sweet of you to offer....