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S05.E07: Memory (The Heart)


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The episode was nicely done. It was good to see Angelo again and I thought they did a good job of weaving him into the story. I really liked that first scene of both families getting along and blending together so well. It was really sweet. 

Vanessa Marano’s hair has gotten really long. That was all I could think of when she dropped the trench coat. But that scene was all sorts of cringey to me. Bay doesn't seem like the type to show up to a guy's place in a trench coat and nothing else. Maybe because that's sort of a smooth seductive move and Bay is a little awkward (in an endearing way). 

Why would Kathryn just assume Carlton was going to be baptized? She knows Lily is Jewish. 

I was a little confused about Daphne’s apparent change of heart (no pun intended) because when she initially met Allie she seemed pretty emotional and more open, and she was obviously the one who introduced her to Bay, but once Bay seemed to be getting attached and excited about getting to know her, Daphne all of a sudden was distant and closed off. Like she was looking for a reason to shut her out. 

Bay should have asked Daphne before she invited a stranger to move in with them though, but that's exactly the type of thing I would expect from Bay as she has a tendency to let her good intentions run wild and not think things through. 

I would have thought Daphne would be a little more understanding of someone who was an addict with two DUI arrests, as Daphne's mom is an addict with two DUIs in her past. Also little miss Daphne was all too eager to try some coke herself when things got rough so maybe she should be a little less judgmental. 

Appreciate the symbolism of the heart tattoo but yikes that thing was huge and super noticeable. 

Kind of over Emmett and Travis fighting over Bay like she’s a piece of property. Like we’re supposed to be impressed that Travis decided Emmett could borrow Bay when he needs her. I like Travis but I think both he and Emmett are kind of controlling and possessive when it comes to Bay. 

And Emmett, Travis didn’t "steal your girl,” you disregarded her and she made the decision to date Travis months after that. 

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I loved this episode.

The baptism thing made me so angry at first, but I liked how they resolved it. They've been jamming a lot of issues into these last few episodes, but I think they're worthy ones and I kind of like it. Unlike the botched rape story from last season, they're doing a pretty good job with things that usually aren't talked about on TV. And I like that all the characters are growing. So often, tv makes people stupid in order to create conflict. I like that they have flaws but they also work at their relationships with each other, and don't just amp it up for maximum drama.

I also liked the heart transplant stuff even though I realize this makes me sentimental and easily manipulated. I read a book many years ago, by a woman who had a heart-lung transplant, and she said it really did give her unfamiliar cravings and urges to do things which she'd never wanted before, and which later she found out were traits of her donor. Apparently that's a real thing. I also liked the conversation between Regina and John-- those two have become one of my favorite unlikely pairings on this show. Daphne's and Bay's "conversations with Angelo" were also enjoyable, but I don't recall him being anywhere near as insightful or loving or good at being a parent when he was alive, so I guess I chalk it up to the girls being wise and wonderful, and projecting that onto him, more than on who he really was.

I can't get over what a terrible name I think "The Cracked Mug" is for Regina's business.

Edited by possibilities
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If I gave a shit about Angelo this would have been a great episode.

I also think Toby and Lily make for a shitty couple.

I don't think Travis treats bay like property. Travis was under the assumption that Emmett was bullshitting about his problems to lure bay in. Once he realized the severity of the situation, he relented. Because he's not asshole.

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I hate the fact that they are cramming all these things when they should just be wrapping up the storylines for the main and secondary characters.

I hated the baptism storyline because first Toby and Lily agreed not to bring up Carlton as anything and to celebrate all holidays. Next, Kathryn gets involved which pushes Lily to reconsider and bring up Carlton Jewish and for Toby to take classes (and Kathryn too!).  Seriously, a non practicing Christian and a non practicing Jew who suddenly wants to "have this connection" with her son.  Is it odd that Lily always refers to Carlton as "my son" even to Toby and not "our son"? Just saying.

Loved that Travis and Emmett made up and I also enjoyed the scene with Travis and Bay.  

Hoping that at the end we get a bit of a fast forward into the future to see how the swisters end up.

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I was pretty meh about Angelo, but my heart did not know how much it needed a Travis/Emmett reconciliation. I thought Melody did a great job of not falling entirely to Emmett's side in the whole argument. I was braced for a "yeah he's your real son so of course you'd say that" but it never happened, because she didn't push like that. Yay for all acting like adults! I still think they let Bay off the hook a bit too much though. Bay has been trampled on for the whole series, but she did go get herself too close to Emmett and knew it.

Daphne, wow. I am disposed to dislike anything Daphne does, but I had to laugh at her mean girl skeptic act towards Ally. Was glad that she was the one not going off into la-la land for once.

The other thing that stood out to me was Kathryn. Seriously, woman. That seemed so out of character for her. It would have made more sense if it were John being pigheaded and ignorant and Kathryn and Lilly trying to talk him down out of it. (yes, Little House and Percival made a huge impact on me as well, as I assume it would have on Kathryn). It was interesting to have Toby link Lilly's desire to have a bond to his disability, but I thought he might have also mentioned it gave them something in common and independent of the smothering all-inclusive everythingness that is living in the Kennish household. Glad that got wrapped up before the end of the episode.

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I believe it was during or immediately after the filming of this episode that they found out the show was cancelled and the season had been cut from 20 episodes down to 10, so hopefully they tinkered with the next script and started winding the show down and heading towards a final conclusion, because up until now the season has been kind of filler. It's a shame they only got a couple episodes to wrap up the series because it just doesn't seem like there'll be enough time to cover everything. 

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I was kind of surprised Kathryn was pushing for the baptism, because she has never come off religious to me. I could see her assuming Carlton would be baptized, because sometimes people just assume that everyone will do things like they do. But once Toby said they weren't planning on it, I don't see her pushing and inviting the minister over like she did. 

I totally get Lily wanting to raise her son Jewish, but it seemed a bit unfair to totally cut out anything Christian. Isn't Toby allowed to have a bond with his son too? They don't have to baptize him, but maybe they could still have a Christmas tree? People can celebrate multiple holidays.

I think the whole idea of recipients of heart or other organ transplants taking on characteristics of their donor fascinating.  I really liked seeing Bay bond with Allie over that, even if she is too trusting for her own good.

Edited by KaveDweller
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Im jewish and hubby is catholic and we have a christmas tree, a menorah, the whole works. It would be terribly selfish for me to forbid my husband to not enjoy what he grew up with.

But Lily is not the nicest person anyway. I actually cant stand her. Is that nikki we see in the previews next week?

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I was never a big Angelo fan, but this episode was really pulling on the heartstrings. It was nice to see the girls and Regina get some closure with him before the series ended. I also liked that the girl turned out to be shady, but she really did seem to want to get her life together, so it lead to more of the theme of second chances. The one thing that didn't work for me was Daphne suddenly turning against her and getting all weird and suspicious. Yeah Bay should have asked her before she let her move in with them, but it was still pretty random.

I thought the Lily and Toby religious debate was interesting, but it would have worked better if we had seen that religion meant a lot to either Lily or Toby in the past. They had a mixed wedding, and then they both seemed to just assume that Carlton would be raised in their own religion, just because. Not that Catherine wasn't a bit out of line, but I can get her being sad that her grandchild wont be a member of her faith, especially as Lily pretty much seemed to be annoyed and judgmental the whole time. But that's just Lily I guess. And I didn't really like how it all worked out. Lily just got her way and everyone else was like "alright Lily, whatever you say" even though Lily has never really been particularly religious, at least that I can remember. I did like Toby saying that it seemed like it was a reason to bond with Carlton, but why couldn't Toby say the same thing? And wouldn't Toby miss doing Christmas and Easter stuff? Cant they just do both, be culturally Christian and Jewish, and raise him spiritually Jewish, because it was apparently more important to Lily? Really, I would have been ok with this if Lily hadn't been so "I say our son will be this, and this it shall be" and everyone was just cool with it. Just have her have some real discussion with someone, and you can have the same ending.

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18 hours ago, Racj82 said:

If I gave a shit about Angelo this would have been a great episode.

I also think Toby and Lily make for a shitty couple.

I don't think Travis treats bay like property. Travis was under the assumption that Emmett was bullshitting about his problems to lure bay in. Once he realized the severity of the situation, he relented. Because he's not asshole.

I think that Lily is pretty awful, but I could say that about every girl who Toby has been seriously involved with on the show.

Emmett having serious problems doesn't mean that he wasn't also using/manipulating the situation to try to get back together with Bay. He basically admitted as much when Bay confronted him about it, which is when Bay cut off contact with him. Which just makes him blaming Travis for it here in front of his mother shitty and manipulative of him.

Sometimes otherwise good people act like jerks because they're depressed and sometimes jerks get depression and continue acting like jerks but with something to blame their jerkish behavior on if they're called on it.

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You know how sometimes you'll know a couple in real life that just looks like they're going to eventually break up? Like, they're not fighting or anything, but you can tell they are so mismatched in values and their communication sucks and one of the people is just terrible? Yeah, that couple is Toby and Lily.

Lily gets the Asshole of the Episode award. You don't unilaterally decide to raise your childish something. You don't back out of a 'no-religious upbringing' promise and go straight to One Faith Only (and by the Way, Say Goodbye to Your Own Holiday Traditions). As an atheist, I can say that if someone pulled what Lily did on me/our child, I'd consider that a profound betrayal and blatant bait-and-switch, and possibly grounds for divorce.

The heart stuff was silly. Everyone seemed way too overwrought.

Was Emmett texting "can I take your picture" to Allie some kind of subtle statement on consent or a sign that Emmett respects women or something? I only ask because they added Bay then asking the same question. It just seemed like the writers/director were going for something there.

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19 hours ago, tennisgurl said:

I was never a big Angelo fan, but this episode was really pulling on the heartstrings. It was nice to see the girls and Regina get some closure with him before the series ended. I also liked that the girl turned out to be shady, but she really did seem to want to get her life together, so it lead to more of the theme of second chances. The one thing that didn't work for me was Daphne suddenly turning against her and getting all weird and suspicious. Yeah Bay should have asked her before she let her move in with them, but it was still pretty random.

I thought the Lily and Toby religious debate was interesting, but it would have worked better if we had seen that religion meant a lot to either Lily or Toby in the past. They had a mixed wedding, and then they both seemed to just assume that Carlton would be raised in their own religion, just because. 

I actually think it worked fine because you don't always see how important a person beliefs/spirituality are to them just be basic interactions. If that person is very involved with church or some other organization you assume their religion is important to them. But in other cases it usually doesn't come up in every day life. It takes having a baby and thinking about the reality of a baptism that made Lily have a realization about it. However, I don't think Lily went about it the right way and was really not being fair to Toby. It seemed like she was saying she wanted to have a bond with Carlton that Toby wasn't allowed to have.

I once overheard this woman at the hair salon complaining about something like this. Her sister was having a baby and no one in the family could understand why the husband was objecting to raising the kid Greek Orthodox, because he wasn't religious. If he was some other religion they would have understood, but since he wasn't they thought he shouldn't get a say. But sometimes a person who isn't religious made a conscious choice to not belong to any religion, and wants to pass that on to their kid. One day when your kid asks what happens when people die, you don't want to tell them something you don't actually believe. (I assume.....I have no kids). 

32 minutes ago, CleoCaesar said:

Was Emmett texting "can I take your picture" to Allie some kind of subtle statement on consent or a sign that Emmett respects women or something? I only ask because they added Bay then asking the same question. It just seemed like the writers/director were going for something there.

Well Bay didn't know he texted her, so I guess it was supposed to show that Bay wasn't being totally rude by not asking her?

Or it is setting up a storyline where the photos make it into some highly-viewed venue and Allie is going to claim she didn't consent and sue them.

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7 hours ago, CleoCaesar said:

Lily gets the Asshole of the Episode award. You don't unilaterally decide to raise your childish something. You don't back out of a 'no-religious upbringing' promise and go straight to One Faith Only (and by the Way, Say Goodbye to Your Own Holiday Traditions). As an atheist, I can say that if someone pulled what Lily did on me/our child, I'd consider that a profound betrayal and blatant bait-and-switch, and possibly grounds for divorce.

The heart stuff was silly. Everyone seemed way too overwrought.

Was Emmett texting "can I take your picture" to Allie some kind of subtle statement on consent or a sign that Emmett respects women or something? I only ask because they added Bay then asking the same question. It just seemed like the writers/director were going for something there.

 

I try not to judge Lily too harshly but I thought it was unfair to Toby for her to suddenly change her mind about such an important issue regarding their son without discussing it first. Her declaring that she's Jewish, so she's going to be raising her child Jewish to Kathryn and the reverend before talking to Toby was out of line. Especially since the only reason she changed her mind was because Kathryn brought up the idea of a Christian Baptism in the first place and apparently hearing the word "Christ" set her off. Had Kathryn never broached the subject, Lily would have never decided her faith suddenly meant something to her and Carlton would have gone through life celebrating both Christmas and Hanukkah and "all the fun stuff" like Toby and Lily originally decided. I know she gave some BS reason about wanting to share something with her son, but they way she reached that decision made it seem like she was doing it out of spite. 

Kathryn should have never ambushed Lily with the reverend though. For one, she created an issue where the was none. And second, it's none of her business. 

I noticed that both Emmett and Bay asked Allie if it was okay to take her picture but I just assumed it was because Bay didn't see Emmett ask so she didn't know he had, and it would have been odd for her to just get to work without explaining the random dude standing next to them taking pics.  

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9 hours ago, Everleigh said:

Had Kathryn never broached the subject, Lily would have never decided her faith suddenly meant something to her and Carlton would have gone through life celebrating both Christmas and Hanukkah and "all the fun stuff" like Toby and Lily originally decided.

Exactly. Lily came off as spiteful, rigid, controlling, and just petty. Kathryn went about it the wrong way, sure, but Lily's overreaction was so extreme that I don't blame Kathryn/Toby/anyone for being totally taken aback by it. I just feel really bad for everyone but Lily: Carlton (bc he'll never know his father's family's traditions), Toby (bc he won't be allowed to celebrate the holidays he grew up with and he'll never have the Jewish bond with his son unless he converts), Kathryn and John (bc their son will be of a different faith and won't be allowed to celebrate the holidays with them).

But I guess it was a screamingly good lesson to talk to your partner about religion and kids BEFORE you marry them.

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Where are people getting that Carlton won't know anything about Kathryn and John's beliefs? They asked at the end of the episode if Carlton could share in Christmas and Easter celebrations at their house, and Toby and Lily said yes. Toby also said he doesn't have his parents' strong faith, so that's why he's deferring to Lily, who cares more about hers. She made an important point that her Jewishness is as much a cultural identity as a religious one. For a people who experienced genocide in living memory, it's not so surprising that someone like Lily might feel closer to her Jewish identity when she perceives it being threatened somehow, ie by a mother-in-law bringing a priest (or whatever he was) to lay out all the beliefs they want her kid to have that she doesn't.

Something to note also is that for the majority of Jewish people, according to Jewish law (halakha), having a Jewish mother automatically makes you Jewish. In Lily's eyes, Carlton would and should be Jewish because of her. I would expect that contributes to her feeling that she has this responsibility now to pass on her beliefs to her son. Take a look at the script of this scene which Lizzy Weiss tweeted, which basically lays some of this out: 

And by the way, Toby is also the one who brought up Lily having this bond with Carlton -- she just agreed with what he said. Bottom line is that it was a matter for Toby and Lily to work out to their mutual satisfaction, without interference of well-meaning but overbearing in-laws, and in the end they came to a peaceful decision. If Toby cared more about Carlton being raised as a Christian, this would have been a different episode and different discussion. 

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7 hours ago, CleoCaesar said:

Exactly. Lily came off as spiteful, rigid, controlling, and just petty. Kathryn went about it the wrong way, sure, but Lily's overreaction was so extreme that I don't blame Kathryn/Toby/anyone for being totally taken aback by it. I just feel really bad for everyone but Lily: Carlton (bc he'll never know his father's family's traditions), Toby (bc he won't be allowed to celebrate the holidays he grew up with and he'll never have the Jewish bond with his son unless he converts), Kathryn and John (bc their son will be of a different faith and won't be allowed to celebrate the holidays with them).

But I guess it was a screamingly good lesson to talk to your partner about religion and kids BEFORE you marry them.

Does Toby never learn? The biggest factor of his previous marriage failing largely revolved around religion and faith - how they never discussed it until now just boggles me. I don't mind if Toby/Lily chooses to raise their child in either religion, but where is the give and take? It's always Toby moving around, converting religions, having to prove he's responsible enough to be a father to his kid when he was the one who was fighting for her to keep the pregnancy. Even without Kathryn's interference, if religion never came up before while they lived in London it tells me Lily's family is either non-practicing or they don't care much about it as Toby does - and she'd have definitely had a bris. I think she came off as petty as a result too.

All that aside, I liked the episode because it had the most signing I've seen since the series started and that's what had gotten me into the show in the first place.

Edited by Eri
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5 hours ago, Jintian said:

Where are people getting that Carlton won't know anything about Kathryn and John's beliefs? They asked at the end of the episode if Carlton could share in Christmas and Easter celebrations at their house, and Toby and Lily said yes. Toby also said he doesn't have his parents' strong faith, so that's why he's deferring to Lily, who cares more about hers. She made an important point that her Jewishness is as much a cultural identity as a religious one. For a people who experienced genocide in living memory, it's not so surprising that someone like Lily might feel closer to her Jewish identity when she perceives it being threatened somehow, ie by a mother-in-law bringing a priest (or whatever he was) to lay out all the beliefs they want her kid to have that she doesn't.

Something to note also is that for the majority of Jewish people, according to Jewish law (halakha), having a Jewish mother automatically makes you Jewish. In Lily's eyes, Carlton would and should be Jewish because of her. I would expect that contributes to her feeling that she has this responsibility now to pass on her beliefs to her son. Take a look at the script of this scene which Lizzy Weiss tweeted, which basically lays some of this out: 

And by the way, Toby is also the one who brought up Lily having this bond with Carlton -- she just agreed with what he said. Bottom line is that it was a matter for Toby and Lily to work out to their mutual satisfaction, without interference of well-meaning but overbearing in-laws, and in the end they came to a peaceful decision. If Toby cared more about Carlton being raised as a Christian, this would have been a different episode and different discussion. 

John and Kathryn asked if Carlton would celebrate Christmas and Easter, and they told them only at their house.  Which isn't quite the same thing is raising him to celebrate all holidays within his own home like they originally planned.

I remember Lily bringing up the bond several times. She said she likes being Jewish, felt a connection with other Jewish people, and wanted to be able to share that with her son. Toby questioned if the reasoning for wanting a bond was due to his downs syndrome, and Lily agreed that may be a part. But she mentioned the connection first.

Which again, I totally get. I especially get why she might be feeling defensive after the minister talked about the baby having sin and didn't mind her snapping at him. But it seems like after that she and Toby should have talked about what they actually were going to do, rather then assume her defensive reaction was the best choice. Because even if Toby's doesn't feel strongly about his religion, he is definitely not Jewish, so this means he'll always have that disconnect with his son.

48 minutes ago, Eri said:

Does Toby never learn? The biggest factor of his previous marriage failing largely revolved around religion and faith - how they never discussed it until now just boggles me. I don't mind if Toby/Lily chooses to raise their child in either religion, but where is the give and take? It's always Toby moving around, converting religions, having to prove he's responsible enough to be a father to his kid when he was the one who was fighting for her to keep the pregnancy. Even without Kathryn's interference, if religion never came up before while they lived in London it tells me Lily's family is either non-practicing or they don't care much about it as Toby does - and she'd have definitely had a bris. I think she came off as petty as a result too.

All that aside, I liked the episode because it had the most signing I've seen since the series started and that's what had gotten me into the show in the first place.

Wow, I totally forgot Toby was married before. 

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I'm not particularly religious, always thought the idea that we are born with sin kind of weird.  How can a person who is innocent be born a sinner?  So I totally understand the feelings that Lily had when listening to the Pastor.  To me, he was saying things that were abhorrent.  Here is this innocent child and if he isn't baptized then he will go to hell.... I think that Lily and Toby will continue to have a tumultuous relationship and one day end up divorced just because their differences are enough to keep them apart instead of bringing them together.  

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I enjoyed this episode. I liked seeing Daphne be the more cynical sister while Bay was so eager to have a piece of Angelo in front of her that she jumped right in.

I also liked Travis for the first time in a while. I always thought that Emmett and Bay were endgame but he really treated her so crappy that I don't want him near her. 

Completely understood where Lily was coming from. 

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On 3/25/2017 at 1:19 PM, Finagler said:

I'm not particularly religious, always thought the idea that we are born with sin kind of weird.  How can a person who is innocent be born a sinner?  So I totally understand the feelings that Lily had when listening to the Pastor.  To me, he was saying things that were abhorrent.  Here is this innocent child and if he isn't baptized then he will go to hell.... I think that Lily and Toby will continue to have a tumultuous relationship and one day end up divorced just because their differences are enough to keep them apart instead of bringing them together.  

For Christians this kind of varies from denomination to denomination and church to church. Honestly, I don't think the show did a A+ job explaining it, but did appreciate some of its efforts. I enjoyed that the cleric had spiritual points to make, while, to Grandma Kathryn, it was a family tradition issue of symbols. Also? To be fair to all stripes of Christianity, the rules of baptism are not well spelled out in the Bible, or even in contemporaneous documents like the Didache.

Roman Catholicism teaches (and some other major Christian churches teach) children are born with the stain of original sin. I'm not Catholic, so I'm not going to waste your time and mine delving into what that is, because I don't quite understand it, and don't want to misstate the beliefs of my Catholic brothers and sisters.

A lot of Protestantism teaches that (instead of the doctrine of original sin) we (sons of Adam) are born with a sinful nature, so we're eventually going to sin. So far, I haven't met anyone who hasn't. ;) In that tradition, when adherents are baptized, they're willingly dying to the sinful flesh they inherited from Adam, and being resurrected in Christ. This is why these denominations dunk-baptize, rather than sprinkle-baptize. The dunking under and rising up is a visual metaphor for burial and resurrection.

This is, to some extent, why you see disparity, when and how different Christian congregations baptize people. Those churches which teach a version of original sin tend to baptize infants, who can't exactly make a heartfelt confession of faith. That's why those churches later have some sort of confirmation rite, in which the previously baptized claim their faith and say, "Me too." Infant baptism is seen, in some lights, as a sort of protection against the stain of original sin.

Those Protestants who baptize only people old enough to make their own confession of faith view baptism as something slightly different. It's a public confession of faith. In churches of this ilk (many have a minimum baptism age like 7, 12, or even 18+), the person to be baptized has to articulate his faith to a certain degree, and might have to attend a class with a mentor, or answer questions from the pastor. 

I can't recall if the Kennish family is Episcopalian. That's my memory and impression, but I wouldn't swear by it. Episcopalians (or Anglicans) aren't exactly a Protestant denomination. The Church of England severed its ties from Rome over politics and power, as much as anything else. Its doctrines largely tend to favor Roman Catholicism as much or more than it favors those doctrines which grew out of the Protestant Reformation. Except for when it doesn't.

Mods, I'm sorry if I went too far afield. I only answered in this much detail, because I felt that Switched at Birth hinted at or referenced these things, but didn't spell them out. 

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Episode had me siding with Lily and Regina, both of whom are usually much lower on my list. I'm Jewish, have been practicing to various degrees all my life, but always connected culturally. I found myself cheering Lily on. Carlton may get a lot of the values Kathryn believes in and holidays she holds dear, perhaps not exactly but in similar form, during his interactions at school and other public places. 

I also respected Regina. Grieving is tough and personal, and organ donation is amazing and life-giving, but that doesn't mean the loved ones will be ready to (or should want to) meet recipients. Vice versa also applies, recipients can be indebted and grateful, without wanting to make that connection. I also appreciated Regina's conversation with John.

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Am slowly working my way through the last few episodes. So I find myself not caring what religion Carlton is. For now, Toby and Lily have so many other things to worry about  - finances, rent, mortgage, jobs, healthcare for Carlton, babysitting. Not that this couple will last another year. Toby is under 21, twice married, no full-time job and there were issues swept under the carpet before the pregnancy story. How about dealing with those issues first?

Wish they hadn't killed off Angelo in the first place. Again, there were issues there that weren't fully dealt with.

So Emmet and Travis fighting over Bay. How trite. I'd rather they focused on Travis' semi-sibling semi-son relationship with Melody and Emmet.

Edited by shang yiet
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