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Explain it to Me Like I'm Lily: Recaps for the Disenchanted

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And then she gets into her car and drives to the GCAC in her robe because she totally knew Paul would be there and waltz's in and ... and ... WTF?

No, she was upstairs in a hotel room, not their bedroom, but I either wasn't paying enough attention, or they didn't make that clear.  I didn't go back and change what I wrote because that was my reaction when I saw it.  In any event, I think Paul and Cricket have a big secret themselves, and that's that they are homeless and living out of their car.

Okay, because I would rather do anything than the dishes in my kitchen, I went back to yesterday's episode, and Cricket is wearing a gray, silky, wraparound dress that just LOOKS like a bathrobe.  Robes don't have buttons and cuffs on the wrists, right?  And she's wearing substantial jewelry.  Coincidentally, in the next scene I notice Nikki is wearing a jacket in the same color gray, with a similar necklace.  Whatever else you want to say about this show, it's certainly color coordinated.

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Thurs, May 23, 2014
Sharon comes in the cottage and is clearly rattled.  She tells Nick she went to see Mariah, and the front desk clerk told her the police took Mariah away in handcuffs.  Nick isn’t surprised.  But Sharon is NOT going to pass judgment on her until she talks to her.  And probably not then, either.


Cane and Devon discuss “business,” and Neil arrives because he wants to talk to Devon and Lily about his hideous decision to “sleep with the woman who tried to destroy our lives.”  Really, Devon is only mad about this because HE wanted to sleep with the woman who tried to destroy their lives.  Meanwhile, Lily doesn’t one anyone sleeping at all, and throws an ENTIRE PITCHER of ice water on Hilary to wake her up and get her “sleazy butt” out of bed, because LILY has something to say, y’all.  Okay, if she did that to me, she would be stone dead in five seconds.


Dylan’s on the phone encouraging Avery who’s at The Talk taping.  Leslie comes in and tells Dylan she’s never felt so bad about getting a client a mistrial.  He’s like whatever, it’s too late now.  Ian will never pay for what he did.  Leslie is acting weird, and Dylan asks if she knows something he doesn’t know.


Oh, Ian’s been paying.  He’s all beat up in front of a dumpster.  I guess he’s been there all night even though he has fresh blood on his face.  Paul is telling him the paramedics are on the way.  He really gives Ian some first class service, doesn’t he?  Too bad Adam didn’t get this much protection.  Paul asks who did this to Ian, and he just moans and groans. 


Nikki shows up at Victor’s office dressed in full GCRB.   She wears it best.  She doesn’t seem very angry when she tells him to call the bank, because he CANCELED all their joint accounts AND her own private account.  How? Does he own this bank??  Probably so.  She says did you really think if you cut me off financially, I would come home to you?  Maybe he’s just being a jerk, Nikki.


Abby and Tyler are at the movie Private Justice.  Don’t they have to go to work?  Is this even a real movie?  Google says no, ah, our show is being cute with us today…with private justice!  Abby is overflowing with joy because she can enjoy life without the big, ugly shadow of she who shall not be named hanging over them.  Tyler asks if Abby knows what Victor is doing about Mari—but gets cut off because she SHALL NOT BE NAMED, Tyler.  Abby doesn’t care if she flew off her broomstick as long as they never see or hear from her again, like, ever.  Immediately, Tyler’s phone rings, and Abby frowns, because it’s Mariah.  Abby names her and shoots daggers eye daggers at Tyler.


Nick finds out that Mariah’s been extradited to Oregon on charges of breaking & entering and burglary.  Sharon’s SHOCKED, because it’s not like she was breaking and entering their home on a regular basis or anything.  Sharon hates to think of poor little Mariah locked up and alone.  Nick doesn’t hate it at all.  Sharon says they don’t even know if she’s GUILTY yet, or if she was just so desperate she HAD to steal, because she has no one, and was so desperate that Sharon had to give her money.  Nick is FURIOUS to hear that.  Blah blah poor little Mariah is alone.  Nick says “I.Don’t.Care.”  She has to stay away from Mariah or she will do exactly what Victor paid her to do, which is destroy Sharon.


Nikki tells Victor to restore her accounts immediately.  He says, “Oh yeah?  Too late for that.”  Shouldn’t Nikki have called Avery by now?  Oh, wait, Avery’s busy taping The Talk instead of working for clients.  Victor twists everything around like he’s protecting Nikki’s money from Ian Ward by keeping it all for himself.  Nikki is kind of dumb if her assets aren’t better protected than this.  She should at least have a safe deposit box full of cash and extra passports, non?  


Dylan wants to know Leslie’s secrets so much he serves her a cup of coffee.  She tells him as much as she would love to share things she’s discussed with Ian, she can’t.  Dylan thinks someone so good at convincing judges that guilty people are innocent should be clever enough to find a way around this whole client confidentiality thing.  Leslie says she doesn’t like Ian or what he’s doing, so Dylan asks her again to tell him what Ian’s hiding.  Instead, she gets interrupted by a call from Tyler.   A uniformed officer comes in and tells Dylan that Paul wants him to come in for questioning because Ian was attacked last night and accused Dylan.  What.A.Creep.  Unless….


Neil says he’s sorry they found out he and Hilary are dating the way they did.  Devon’s like, dating?  That’s what you’re calling it?  Cane and Devon remind Neil why Hilary is this huge problem, and Neil’s like, I KNOW, I was there.  But Hilary made mistakes out of pain and grief, and there is such a thing as [hot sex]FORGIVENESS.  He says he’s seen a side of Hilary they haven’t, and Devon laughs.  Neil starts praising Hilary, making Devon angry, and Neil does that judgy up and down thing with his eyes and says he’d expect this reaction from his dumb sister because she’s a girl and all, but not from Devon.  He though Devon and Hilary were friends.  Devon’s like she ain’t no friend of mine, she’s not the woman he thought she was at all, because she likes Neil better than him.


Hilary is PISSED!  And so is Lily!  Hilary says Devon’s already covered all the name calling with user and opportunist.  “How ‘bout bitch?” asks Lily.  No, he saved that one for Lily.    Hilary is annoyed with Devon and Lily acting like Neil is some innocent lamb, and Lily says her dad is vulnerable right now, and she’s not going to let a skank like Hilary take advantage of him.   Hilary asks if she really thinks she can stop Neil from having a relationship with her.  “YES.I DO.”  She’s going to show her dad exactly who Hilary is.  “Bring.It.On, Girl” says Hilary.  There is a lot of enunciating going on today. 


“Iwillnotallowthatmantohurtyou,” says Victor, who is not enunciating. Nikki says she’s fine, and then Victor yells at her for a while because he knows she went to the doctor AND THAT ALL THIS STRESS IS MAKING YOU UNWELL!  I WON’T LET ANYMORE STRESS HAPPEN TO YOU, YOU DUMB WOMAN!  I WILL YELL AT YOU TIL [MY]YOUR STRESS GOES AWAY!  Then Nikki says, “Okay.  If you think this new financial arrangement is the answer…I won’t fight you on it.”  ARE YOU KIDDING  ME???  Geez, now I’M yelling.  Cutting you off from all your money is not a “financial arrangement.”  Does she have Stockholm Syndrome?  WHAT IS GOING ON?  If she’s going to be this way, why not just go home?  But her important question to Victor is…is this the only thing he’s done to keep Ian away from her?


Dylan is in Paul’s office.  Paul says he asked Ian who was responsible for hurting him, and he said Dylan’s name.  Dylan’s like, well, he’s lying.  They talk about how Ian came in Crimson Lights yesterday to tell Dylan the charges were dropped against Ian.  Blah blah, Paul “just wants the truth.”  (Dylan might want his Miranda rights.)  Ian walks in the office and says “don’t we all.”  Sorry, but he doesn’t look that bad to me.


Ian says he’s touched that Dylan came to see if he was okay.  Dylan’s like, no, I’m here because you said I’m the one who gave you that makeover.  Ian says Paul misunderstood the rantings of severely injured man who thought he was taking his last breath.  Dylan is getting disgusted.  “Oh, and my name came to your lips?”  Ian goes on to say, “Well, I thought before I shuffled off my mortal coil and went on my eternal path, I should at least make some attempt to reconcile with my son.”  Omg, nothing makes Dylan madder than when Ian starts talking that college talk, and he launches himself across the room while Ian laughs.  Paul holds Dylan back while he accuses Ian of lying, and that he said Dylan’s name just so they’d bring him back to the police station.  Ian drives them both crazy dancing around who attacked him, until he finally says it was just a thug, a random act of violence.  Interesting…


Hilary and Lily shout at each other some more.  Lily says don’t act like you know my dad better than I do.  Oh, she knows that other side, Lily, she knows it well.  Hilary says she knows and cares about Neil in a way Lily never could.  Lily’s like, hold up, are you saying you’re IN LOVE with my dad?  Hilary stares.


Neil tells Devon the last thing he wants is a rift in their family, ESPECIALLY with wonderful Devon, because he’s a boy.    Neil gives a ridiculous speech about how after he broke up with Leslie he gave up.  He gave up on ever finding someone he could be with.  He gave up for, like, a whole day, and then along came Hilary…and he’s finally happy for the first time in a long time.  A long time, like when he was planning a wedding with David Tutera a few weeks ago.  That’s like 21 days, maybe 22.  It’s been a long, long time.  Devon says he wants Neil to be happy, just not..not with Hilary.  Cane says it’s going to be hard for the family to embrace Hilary.  Neil gets it, but he thinks he’s in—.   Devon tries not to barf when he says…you think you’re in LOVE with her?  Omgosh, you guys, Neil and Hilary are realizing they’re in love AT THE SAME TIME.  It must be really true love.


Tyler is a dunce and whines to Abby about Mariah.  He didn’t think Victor would have her ARRESTED.  Abby says, “What’d you think he was gonna do?  Send her on a cruise?”  Well, he didn’t expect him to treat her like a common criminal.  “She IS a common criminal.”  Tyler sees Leslie and rushes over to her to see what she’s found out.  Um, this engagement should be over like NOW.   Leslie says they have a pretty strong case against Mariah in Portland.  Tyler is panicking and says Leslie has to fly out there so she can defend her!  Abby’s like WHAT?  He begs Leslie, but she says sorry, but she’s done defending people she doesn’t like.  She advises them to stay out of it too.  Abby is less than pleased.  Tyler says he just wants to help a friend.  Obviously, this makes no sense to Abby.  Tyler says he owes it to Mariah to keep her out of prison….because…she kept him out.  Again, this is information everyone could have used YESTERDAY!


Sharon looks at Innocent Cassie’s photo, and they talk about how hard the anniversary of her death always is.  Nick says she’s always with them in spirit.  They talk about how much Faith is like Cassie and how she made a craft at school like Cassie did.  Sharon looks in a drawer for the craft and she FINDS THE TRAFFIC TICKET she got when she was “where she wasn’t supposed to be.”  Sharon is excited because she knows this is part of the secret.  A red light ticket, that doesn’t seem so serious.  You don’t even have to pay those. Ha, but seriously folks, she remembers this was what she was upset about.  Nick asks if she remembers what she was doing.  Sharon looks kinda like maybe she does.
They analyze the ticket, and not very well, and she still can’t figure out what the deal was, and Nick says Dr. Mead told her not to push it.  Let’s face it, Nick doesn’t WANT to know what this crappy secret is because he’s happy right now.  Isn’t everyone happier with Phyllis in a coma?


TYLER TELLS HIS SECRET:  Tyler worked for some rich dude in Portland who had lots of expensive goodies, and he wasn’t supposed to let anyone in the house, but of course, he let Mariah in.  Stuff started going missing, and Tyler got the blame.  But Mariah convinced him not to press charges against Tyler, not by confessing, but by sleeping with the guy.  So that was the “cheating,” it was Mariah keeping Tyler’s ass out of prison for crimes she committed.  So he broke up with her for the stealing and cheating, but he still owes her for keeping him of jail..for something he didn’t even do?  And if she hadn’t done all that, he never would have met ABBY!  See how great it all worked out, Abby?  That’s why he owes her BIG.  “Tell me you understand that.”  Hmm.  She looks like she’s not going to tell him that.  She looks like she’s going to throw up and then go take a very hot shower.


Nikki chides Victor for not telling her what he’s doing to keep them “safe.”  He says it should be enough to know they ARE safe.  It’s the WAY he keeps them safe that worries her.  She says he puts their well-being above everything.  “YOU’REDAMNRIGHTIDO.”  They argue.  Nikki’s worried Victor will end up in some kind of trouble.  She says it’s possible he has finally met an enemy he can’t conquer.  Yeah, tell him that, Nikki, that will help.  “Give me a break,” he says.  He conquers guys like this for breakfast.


Paul wants more information from Ian, but Leslie comes in and says not to say anything else to the police.  Um, isn’t he the victim?  Ian insists he was mugged, but Paul asks why does he still have his wallet and watch.  This was just a lousy mugger, it seems.  Paul decides to really stick it to Ian and make him look through books of mug shots.  I don’t think they can really make you do that, but whatever.  Dylan asks if Paul believes his story.  Of course not, and if Ian is hiding something Paul’s going to find out what it is.  Dylan’s pretty much like, why bother.  “Whoever did this, I’d like to shake his hand.”


Victor offers to give Nikki some money.  She says thank you.  Just..ugh.  Dylan shows up.  He’s surprised to see Nikki and says he’s just there to thank Victor for hiring security people to guard her.  Victor says if Nikki needs anything else, just to call him.  Gross.  She leaves.  Victor wants to know why Dylan is really there.


Neil really cares for Hilary and thinks they might have a future together.  If this turns out to be more than a passing fling, he hopes he can get the support of Devon of all people.  Special, special Devon.  Neil leaves, and Devon just completely grosses out over his dad acting like a teenager.  Cane’s like maybe you should have just told him the truth that you had your own feelings for Hilary.  Devon’s like yeah, RIGHT.  He says he was stupid thinking that anyway.


Hilary can neither confirm nor deny that she’s in love with Neil, just that he’s the greatest thing EVER.  Lily seethes.  Sugar Neil shows up at the door for his morning visit, and then is like, heeeey, hi, Lily.  He was hoping he could explain to Lily…what?  What can he explain?  The worst decision of his life and stabbing her in the back?  “Listen, young lady…” he’s sorry she sees it that way but this IS his decision, and Hilary’s not going anywhere.  Lily punches him in the throat.  Just kidding.  She does choke on tears and say she cannot believe he’s doing this to their family, and leaves.  Hilary says this is even worse than she thought it would be.  Neil says it will just take time, but Hilary says that Lily will NEVER accept her, and she doesn’t want to be the cause of these problems.  They should end it now.  No way, sugar baby.  “It’s too late for that.”  He tells Hilary he’s falling in love with her. 


Abby is very upset with Tyler for not trusting her and telling her all of this stuff before.  He says he was afraid of losing her, and he can’t wait to marry her… “After you get back from Portland,” she says.  He HAS to, Abby.  She says, okay.  Do what you gotta do.  But she’s not making any promises about when he gets back.  Because ONE PERSON has at least a couple of vertebrae in their backbone in GC.  She leaves.


Sharon tells Nick she told Mariah she was grateful to her for bringing her to her lowest point so she could get better.  Nick’s feelings are hurt.  Oh, so SHE helped you?  Who was at her bedside?  Who slept on the couch every night to protect her?  NICK, that’s who.  She comforts Nick and says of course he was the only reason she got through it all, but she needed to finally face Cassie’s death for realz, and for the first time since Cassie passed, she feels she can really be happy again, like before, until Phyllis ruins it all again, like before.  They kiss.


During the commercials, Nick and Sharon were getting busy on the floor.  Her bra is GCRB, lol.  They’re super happy, and Nick has to go shower so he can get to the club.  Wait, his club?  Is it still open?  Sharon looks at the traffic ticket and tries to remember.


Lily comes storming into the bar and talks about how sick Hilary and Neil make her.  Cane keeps trying to play diplomat, but that is NOT working.  Devon just hopes it’s not too late for Neil to realize the mistake he’s making by sleeping with Hilary instead of Devon sleeping with Hilary.


Hilary is kind of freaking out about the falling in love thing.  Neil says he would never pressure Hilary to return the sentiment or say things she doesn’t feel.  Not Neil, he never does that.   Hilary realizes she’s experiencing something she’s never felt before, something kind of wonderful.  Ah, so nobody’s ever rung her bell before.  But she thinks it’s called….love.  They kiss.


Paul runs into Nikki at the club.  He tells her someone beat up Ian and left him in an alley, and he fishes around for whether or not it could have been Victor.  Nikki thinks if Ian says he was mugged, why not leave it at that?  Like mother, like son.


Ian looks through the mug shots.  Leslie’s like wtf are you doing?  What IS it that you want?  What is your end game?  He says, “Well, you’ll have to wait til the END to find out.”  Oh, Ian.  He is a rascal.  She leaves and Ian gets a particularly realistic evil look on his face.  <shudder>  Without the smarm, he is pretty scary.


Dylan tells Victor he heard Ian Ward was mugged last night.  Victor says, “Well, I’ll be damned.”  Dylan asks if he did it, and Victor’s like nope, not me.  Dylan says they are on the same side when it comes to keeping Nikki safe, and he’s talking to Ian’s ex-wife to get information “we can use against him.”  Victor’s like, who’s “we?”  Dylan offers to make a pact with the devil to protect Nikki, and Victor seems amused with his new A-Team buddy.  Victor says to call him with the ex-wife info.  Dylan will, and “thanks again for doing ‘nothing’ to Ian.”  He leaves, and Victor smiles slightly because everything has really been going his way today.

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Does she have Stockholm Syndrome?

Ya think? I guess it's that plus WI's community property laws. They've probably never signed a prenup because their twu luv is destiny. Bet Victor does have some assets stashed away that Nikki can't get to though. Ugh.

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Fri, May 23, 2014
Jack and Kelly have decided to take in a showing of Private Justice.  Gotta make the most of this movie theater set.  Kelly says it’s supposed to be an action/romance, but once it starts, they are clearly way too sophisticated for tripe like this.


Hilary and Neil come into the club joking about onomatopoeia, and no, I am not making that up.  Devon and Lily look on in disgust, so Hilary suddenly develops a taste for Vietnamese food that she hates.  Because she still hates it less than Lily.  Neil says they are not going to let his kids’ lousy attitude chase them out of there; he’s going to keep shoving this relationship right in their faces.  He’s not trying to deliberately make them uncomfortable, just eat dinner in their own restaurant with someone they despise.  Sooner or later they will accept it, he insists, I guess kind of like herpes. 


He expected Lily to be a bitch about it, but not Devon.  Since Neil has the memory of a guppy, he just doesn’t understand why Devon would have a problem with it.  Hilary looks wistful, because she does remember that Devon was kind of into her, since it was TWO DAYS AGO.   Lily is enraged that Neil is flaunting his relationship at the club, and Devon tells her she’s just making it worse and to ignore them like he’s doing.  Nope, she’s going to find a way to get Hilary out of their lives.  She has an idea!  She asks what is more tempting to a person with no morals or scruples than CASH?  She thinks a million bucks will do the trick.  Ask Abby, you can’t even pay a bitch to go away.


Chelsea chats with Stitch at the coffee shop.  He’s reading a medical journal because he’s not a loser like Billy Abbott.  She fishes around about Victoria, and he’s like you sure seem interested in Victoria and me.  Stitch asks the questions around GC, Chelsea, not you.  He says he knows why Chelsea’s interested, it’s because of the child involved.


Billy stops by Victoria’s.  He’s discusses his lucky tie because he’s going to New York in the morning for a meeting with Kyle, and he has to dazzle some department store honchos.  But he’s wearing it…now?  He says he calls this tie the Silver Streak.  It’s navy blue.  Am I on drugs?  Is everyone else seeing the same episode I am?  Onomatopoeia and ties named Silver Streak?  Vicky says she didn’t know he, uh, named his ties, and he tells her there’s a lot she doesn’t know about him.  He’s a man of many [strange habits] facets, and she should spend more time with him, get to know him.  This brings on a sudden attack of pregnancy nausea, or maybe just the regular kind.  She turns away.  He blathers on about going to the Big Apple and offers to bring her back anything she’s craving, like bagels.  He’s like Vicky, are you listening to me?  NO, she is not!


Private Justice is such a bad movie that Jack and Kelly leave.


Devon thinks a big bag of cash is going to make everything worse.  Lily disagrees, and so far she’s been wrong about everything concerning Neil, so Devon should listen to her.  He wants to change the subject, and she says THERE IS NO OTHER SUBJECT!  Devon says what does that mean?  It means it’s going to be long summer, Devon.  No, Lily says it means she remembers when Dad was a drunk and wasn’t there for her as a father, and now we have Hilary who put vodka in Neil’s orange juice.  She didn’t make a “mistake,” what she did was malicious.  There’s really no argument from me when you look at it from this angle.  She’s afraid she’s going to hurt Neil even worse this time around.  Devon’s like I already tried that once, the last time he offered her a million dollars she just dug her heels in even more.  Lily’s like try 5 million then.  Esmerelda calls from Belize.  She thinks it would be the perfect place for a wedding.


Hilary thinks they should order room service instead of go in the restaurant.  Neil says they decided not to hide anymore.  He finally agrees to get some takeout and meet upstairs.  Whatever happened to the Colonnade Room?  But he is not going to make this a habit, “those kids” are going to eventually accept his relationship with this kid.  He promises.


Devon didn’t want to have to tell Esme this over the phone, but she keeps bringing up getting engaged.  No, he’s not proposing right now.  He’s breaking up with her.


Chelsea asks what child Stitch is referring to.  He’s like, Johnny, you know, “the son you had with Billy that Victoria adopted.”  Duh.  Chelsea’s like…yeaaaah.  She knows firsthand the challenges of being a single parent with billions of dollars.  Stitch says raising a child is such a gift, what he wouldn’t give for another chance.  Chelsea asks if he thinks he will get that chance.


Okay, Billy came to the house to GET his silver tie.  Is this show confusing or do I just have ADHD?  Maybe it’s both. Victoria comes downstairs with the Silver Streak tie.  He thinks she seems preoccupied lately.  She’s like that’s YOU and your mysterious phone call from Chelsea, and what was that about?  Oh, Chloe’s just having a rough time, and they were just trying to help.  Well, that’s not vague.  YOU’RE HAVING HER COMMITTED, but why go into details?  He talked longer about his f’ing ties.  Well, Vicky has stuff to do, she gives him the tie, and he holds onto it while she holds onto it.  It’s his lucky tie because he wore it the day he married her.  Wow, Billy’s playing hardball.  He leaves.  Victoria rubs her belly and looks miserable.


Devon tells Esmerelda he doesn’t want to lead her on.  She hangs up on him.  That was easy.  Lily confronts Neil.  He asks if they can please have a calm and rational conversation about Hilary.  She says as soon as he can be rational enough to get rid of her.  “Don’t you understand that I DON’T want to see you get hurt again?!”  Jack and Kelly are walking in and ask if everything is okay?  NO, Jack, it’s NOT, because her dad is dating that female wrecking ball that happens to be his assistant.  Jack’s jaw drops, and Neil tells Lily, “Watch your mouth.  No need to be rude, I AM your father.”  Ugh, I hate Neil so much I can’t even make a joke about it. He asks to have a word with Jack, away from the females.  Kelly tries to lighten things saying she and Jack are on a date.  Lily tries to be focus and be nice about it, and then she gets an idea about getting her dad away from Hilary


Neil apologizes to Jack for not telling him about Hilary.  He’s like, it’s all good, I don’t care who you bang at work.  Neil still thinks Jack is less than thrilled. Jack tries to pretend it’s cool that he’s with a beautiful,  intelligent, complicated woman.  Neil admits it IS [messed up] complicated, and starts to explain himself, and Jack’s like whoa, whoa, whoa, he isn’t going to judge his friends, he wants to keep his friends.  He wishes Neil luck, and says he deserves to be happy.


Stitch tells Chelsea he would love to be a father again, but who knows what will happen?  Chelsea’s like mmmhmmm.  Billy walks in.  He asks if either of them have seen Victoria lately.  Chelsea says last week, Stitch is like, yep, yesterday.  Billy asks if she seemed okay to him, and he says she seemed fine and maybe he should ask Victoria herself.  His phone rings, and uh, it’s pretty obviously Victoria.  He goes in the other room to take the call.  Chelsea asks Billy why all the questions.  He says something is off with her and she was acting cagey again just tonight.


Victoria called Stitch because she’s starting to get twinges and maybe cramps.  It’s after hours and she didn’t know who else to call.  He says he’ll be right there, and you know he means RIGHT THERE.  Chelsea interrupts and asks if Vicky’s okay.


Lily thinks Kelly can use her influence on Jack to get him to force Neil to come to his senses.  She’s DESPERATE to protect Neil.  Kelly is super uncomfortable doing that.  Lily’s all, whoa, I thought we were friends.  Kelly says they ARE friends, but she JUST started dating Jack and doesn’t think it’s her place [to get involved in some impossibly dramatic shit that won’t even work].  Lily sort of understands, and Jack comes up and says the movie was a nightmare.  Lily’s like, uh, I have my own nightmare named Hilary.  She tries to get Jack to see how bad this is for Neil.  Lily never has understood the bro code, or addictive, belligerent personalities.


Hilary is upset that THIS is how Jack heard about their relationship.  He was kind of surprised that Jack didn’t have any issues with the legal or work part of it.  Really, that’s not what you said when you were in pressuring her into bed with you.  Anyway, he said Jack didn’t give him a hard time, but he did act kind of reserved and formal about it.  BECAUSE YOU’RE AN IDIOT, NEIL.  He’s just being polite.  Hilary thinks it might be…because, um..there was that time she…kissed Jack.  He’s like wait, WHAT?


Billy also demands to know what’s wrong with Victoria.  Stitch is like I don’t know what you heard, but she’s not feeling well, and I’M a DOCTOR, and going over to see her.  He says he didn’t want to rub Billy’s face in it so he went in the other room, but they’re nosy bitches and he’s done answering questions.  Billy is still suspicious, and asks Chelsea if she knows something she’s not telling him.


Chelsea says she was trying to help Billy out, because she figured Stitch might share something with her that he would never tell Billy.  Ha, Billy thinks not, because Stitch is a guy without a history.  He can’t find anything about him online.  Chelsea laughs that off, because it’s stupid.  She said you can’t find much about her online, that doesn’t make her dangerous.  BILLY ABBOTT says, no offense, but if he found out Stitch had a history anything close to Chelsea’s he wouldn’t let him anywhere near Vicky or Johnny.  WHAT ABOUT YOU, you murdering, gambling, cheating loser! Ha, I sound like Victor Newman.  Chelsea doesn’t take offense, and she says she’s known lots of shady guys, and she doesn’t think Stitch is one of them.  Billy doesn’t care.


Stitch is busy calming Victoria down.  He thinks it’s not serious, but he’s going to take her to the hospital.  She says promise me I won’t lose this baby.  He says he will promise not to leave her side.


Jack explains to Lily that “Neil is a big boy.”  She stresses that Hilary tried to undermine Neil’s sobriety, and Jack understands that, but people have to learn from their own experience, not from lectures.  Kelly offers to talk with Lily anytime except right now because she’s on a date.  Jack tells her the 12 Step program teaches that it’s always easier to take inventory of someone ELSE’S life.  Good night.  Thank God there is at least one grownup on this show.  Jack and Kelly leave.


Devon says Lily really knows how to clear a room.  Ha!  He pours them a couple of drinks and tells her about dumping Esmerelda. 


Hilary tries to explain her stupid, impulsive, one-sided kiss with Jack and how the writers made her do it.   She doesn’t even know why.  Neil has cooled right off, and is relaxing into his super judgmental mode.  So, you kissed Jack Abbott.  She’s like this is NOTHING like what happened with Neil.  Exactly, Neil chased you all over the damn club until he cornered you in your bedroom.  But that doesn’t stop Neil from saying wellll, this isn’t something I’m going to hold against you, I’m just glad you’re so forthright.  How big of him not to hold a kiss before she dated him against her.  She’s just SO GLAD he trusts her, because she’s not sure she’s earned it.  He says she needs to stop listening to Lily.  She says it’s hard to avoid it when she lives in the building where his kids work.  You mean, where his kid OWNS IT.  Ugh, if only she could find another place to live right NOW.  Omgosh, you guys, Neil can think of one!


Hilary comes down with her key, and Lily is thrilled that Hilary is moving OUT.  She offers to ship her things so she never has to show her face again.  So, where to?  Smug Neil walks in, and they smugly stare at Lily and Devon while they realize that she’s smugly moving IN with smug Sugar Daddy.  They go insane.  There is wailing and gnashing of teeth.


Jack and Kelly go back to Jack’s house.  They have fun quoting movies, which is way better than onomatopoeia.  They are having a blast on this date even though it was all full of drama.  He loves seeing her look so beautiful and they kiss.  She gets worried about Billy coming home, but he’s going on that business trip, so they are alone.  More kissing.


Chelsea says she’s going to miss Chloe so much.  Me too.  Billy says it’s going to be rough for Chloe and how he still struggles.  He brings up how hard he and Vicky tried to have another baby, and now the dream is gone, and Delia’s gone, and he’s moved out, and Victoria’s hiding something from him.  Chelsea feels bad for Billy.  He thinks he knows what Vicky’s hiding, that she wants to end things permanently with him and start new with Stitch.  “What else could it be?”  Chelsea is uncomfortable.


Stitch and Vicky are back from the hospital.  She’s fine.  He prescribes a good night sleep.  She tells him about her miscarriage and how nervous she is.  He offers to be her doctor on call and sleep on the couch.  She agrees.  She thanks him for dropping everything for her when it turned out to be nothing.  He tells her that her feelings are not “nothing.”  Stitch explains how he was overseas when Jenna was pregnant, and he missed out on all of it, so he’s happy to be experiencing this with her, even if turns out not to be his child.  She’s pretty wowed by this kind of generous attention, and says she doesn’t know what she did to deserve him in her life.  He says he feels the same way, and kisses her.  She likes it.


Jack and Kelly get passionate in his bedroom.  I like the background song.


I might vom before I can get through one more scene with Neil.  The kids are freaking out about this instant shacking up plan.  The tables are so turned it sounds like Neil just turned 18, and Lily and Devon are the parents.  He says he can do whatever he wants to and they don’t get a vote.  They’ve been mean and downright hostile to Hilary.  They have chased her from her own home (in a freaking HOTEL that BELONGS to Devon), so she has to move in with him.  And if they have a PROBLEM with that…it’s THEIR fault.  Hilary is silent and smug.  They leave. 


Lily says this is WAR.  Her new plan is for Devon to seduce her and then dump her ass.  Devon knows that is stupid.  Lily is the new Chloe.


Chelsea tells Billy not to give up, there is always a chance.  He says he might have run out of those.  He has to get to the airport.  Chelsea is conflicted.  She picks up her phone so she can butt in with maybe one or two possible facts on her side.


Stitch and Victoria are really kissing passionately, and getting a little carried away, and Stitch breaks away.  Whoa, they need to cool down, he goes to the kitchen for some water.  Chelsea calls and goes OFF on Victoria, because she’s guessed that she did tell Stitch she was pregnant, but not Billy.  HOW DARE she not tell her own husband and leave him in the dark like that.  Of course she doesn’t know that Dr. Stitch found that out himself, but Victoria just tells her that it’s REALLY not her place to make a judgment.  Well, Chelsea doesn’t CARE.  She speed rants that if Victoria doesn’t tell Billy herself, she WILL when he gets back from New York, and hangs up.  Victoria’s like, ugh, this bitch,or maybe I’m projecting a little there.


And that wraps us this week of Mean Girls.

Edited by peach
  • Love 6
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I swear to god , I thought I was having a stroke.

No, some days the interns who have English Lit degrees are doing the line-writing.


I had one of these students who ended up in soap script-writing, I swear; I speak from experience.

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But he’s wearing it…now?  He says he calls this tie the Silver Streak.  It’s navy blue.  Am I on drugs?  Is everyone else seeing the same episode I am?  Onomatopoeia and ties named Silver Streak?

It's like a Luis Buñuel film!  Moments like these have me convinced that Y&R is experimenting with avant-garde surrealism.

Edited by Snaporaz
  • Love 6
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Smug Neil walks in, and they smugly stare at Lily and Devon while they realize that she’s smugly moving IN with smug Sugar Daddy.  They go insane.  There is wailing and gnashing of teeth.

All must bow down to this brilliance!


I wonder if KSJ realizes that his character is being demonized in order to make Hilary more sympathetic. Apparently it wasn't enough that princess Lily hated her. Now she has to be Neil's mid-life crisis sex toy who's on the verge of being tag teamed by him and his son. Sorry, writers, I'm not buying for a second that Hilary is an equal partner in this mess. Neil has maneuvered his way into having a free live-in housekeeper and part-time nanny. If we're lucky, little Moses will be a master of the patented Faith Newman Side-Eye and Bitchface and will shut this nonsense down. (And by "we're" I really mean "I'm" because I know there are people who do like the Neil and Hilary pairing.)

Edited by Joimiaroxeu
  • Love 3
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Caught up on eps this week. Two things concerning the Winters family:

1) Can Princess Lil be any more fucking immature? Jesus H. Christ, Batman, the way she's wailing, tossing water on Hilary, and just carrying on in general, she's even more of an incredibitch! For someone who was once supposed to be such a "good person", she has absolutely zero forgiveness in her heart. After being Saint Lily, she's done a complete 180. Not only is she bitchy, arrogant, and annoying, she's like the daughter that's throwing a tantrum because Daddy isn't giving her her own way. I'm no fan of the ubergross Kneel/Hilary hookup, but Good Lord, Lily's going on like the sky is falling, FFS! She need to take her creeper hubby, Junior Dingo, go on a lonnnnnnnnng holiday, and get the fuck off my screen. She is beyond insufferable right now. And her deluded plan to get Miss Devon to seduce Hilary? Please! Miss Devon couldn't seduce his way out of a wet paper bag. Dude's got less game than Steve Urkel! The only ladies that would date this clutz are the ones after his money, ie. Guysmerelda.

2) Is Miss Devon the World's Most Boring Billionaire/Millionaire? Evidently, he is! What a complete goddamn waste of airtime his character is. So, lemme get this straight. Red Claws Chancellor leaves you something like a billion fucking dollars, and the only thing you can do is buy a shitty Athletic Club, skulk around pining after Hilary, then get all bent out of shape because she's doing the Mattress Mambo with Kneel? First of all, GROSS. This is Auntie Fucker Redux, and Devon is such a self righteous asshat, it's pathetic. You'd think the whiny little douche would have better things to do than cry over spilled poon. But nooooooo.....instead of jet setting, he's crying like the whiner he is. Frankly, he deserved Gusymerelda, and he deserved to have her take his sorry ass to court after the inevitable Cashin/Divorce. Screw this moron!

  • Love 7
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I also noticed some other things:

1) Is it impossible for anyone in GC to keep their nose, especially Chelsea (or in Chelsea's case, her Gigantic Granite Jaw), out of other people's business? Damn, Chelsea's all up in everyone's shit, like with the whole Stitchtoria debacle, and then now with Chloe, too? Granted, she's trying to help Chloe, but on the other side of things, she's now the moral compass of the show with Victoria's Secret (hehe, that was unintentional!)? It's still a mystery to me how a newbie like Chelsea is front and centre as one of the leading ladies of the show.

2) The buildup for Chloe's exit. Poor EH, having to act out this shit. This Jana Retread is getting worse by the episode. Please, let's be done with this, and forget that this whole thing happened, shall we?

3) Crocket and Paulie. I don't care for Albino Eyebrows Christine at the best of times, and her run this time around is not convincing me otherwise. Why in the hell are they giving a character with little to no relevance, that most viewers don't care about, a pregnancy storyline? The character of Christine is along for the nostalgia ride, nothing more, and is a tip of the hat to the past. I see no reason to drag viewers through this sham of an sl. Let Paulie have his Birthday cake, a blowy, and some Office Delight and be done with this.

  • Love 3
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It's still a mystery to me how a newbie like Chelsea is front and centre as one of the leading ladies of the show.

There's not really a mystery to it when you consider that MCE is engaged to a CBS executive. Makes me wonder why she hasn't jumped to prime time since she's got the connections. Perhaps being a perpetual lead character on a long-standing soap is a less-risky prospect.

  • Love 1
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I liked the way he called her out in the same manner in which he spoke to his grandfather. He was very respectful in his demeanour and he seemed to get his point across quite well.  He is an adult with his own opinions and should be free to express himself. 

  • Love 1
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Watching today's Canadian ep, and we see what is presumably NuAdam discretely (and creepily) lurks in on the secret cam on Chelsea and Billy.

This shit is high comedy; we see NuAdam's arm/hand, and the back of the chair he's sitting in. What the fuck is this guy, Dr. Claw from INSPECTOR GADGET? Hilarious! I was half expecting him to have a cat on the desk beside him, which scurries away when he brings his fist down on the table, just like Dr. Claw! It's about the speed of these writers!

It's like a Luis Buñuel film!  Moments like these have me convinced that Y&R is experimenting with avant-garde surrealism.

Haha! You have no idea how awesome it is that you've dropped Bunuel's name, mentioned avant-garde surrealism, and you're tying it into YR!

Maybe they'll have a dinner party with all the major characters, and no one can leave, and shenanigans ensue? :)

  • Love 6
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Well, my internet down and along with other technical shenanigans, I am posting this from MCDONALD'S.  You're welcome.  lol


Mon, May 26, 2014
Avery’s back from L.A. and meets up with Dylan in the coffee shop.  He’s in full dress uniform because he was in the Memorial Day parade.  Nice touch, show.  He talks about coming to terms with what happened in Afghanistan.  But will we get to see Stitch in uniform? (No.  Damn.)


Ian looks through every single mug shot book without finding his attacker, of course.  He chats with a cop who, for a split second, I thought was Greg Brady.  Ian says a man has to follow his path, no matter where it leads.


Jack and Kelly have afterglow pillow talk.  The only thing Kelly regrets is not doing this sooner.


Noah runs into Nikki at the club.  They chat about his relationship with Courtney and how happy he is since she demoted herself from undercover detective to traffic patrol.  That equals romance on this show. Then Noah chides Nikki because she always ends up going back to grandpa.  Seems like an odd thing to criticize your grandparents for, no matter who they are.


Ian shows up in Victor’s office, on Memorial Day NIGHT.    Ian says Victor never rests, and Victor says Ian would be wise to remember that.  He asks Ian what he wants, and Ian says, “I think you know.”  Victor suddenly breaks out in a hearty, evil villain chuckle.


Avery blabs about her trip.  She loves her new friends on The Talk.  Dylan admits he didn’t see her episode.  Instead he planned a viewing party with her “fans,” meaning Summer, Austin, and maybe Jack. 


Jack is pretty cozy in bed with Kelly, so I doubt he’s making a special screening of The Talk with his comatose girlfriend’s sister.  He goes off to the kitchen to get them some food, and Kelly reminisces about her first kiss with Jack.  Summer pops in to visit Jack, and Kelly pops in on the upstairs landing in Jack’s robe.  Uh-oh, Jack is busted.  Frowny faces for all.


Noah of such rich and varied life experience again smugly chastises his grandmother for going back to Victor a thousand times, but he means no offense.  They discuss Sharon and how she’s okay because of Nick.  Noah says Victor is in danger of losing the whole family.


Ian tells Victor he didn’t accuse him to the police.  He likes the idea of having Victor Newman indebted to him or else he can tell Paul that Victor was behind the beating.  Victor says that’s a hell of an idea.  He tells Ian to go to the police station now, in fact.  Ian tries to spin a threat of how bad it would be for “Nicole” to hear Victor was arrested.  Victor reminds him not to even say her name and assumes Ian wants a bribe… “ain’t gonna happen.” Ian says he can make life difficult for Victor, but Victor reminds him that he can make Ian turn blue, and purple, and green.  Ian says why don’t they call a truce then, and Victor asks him what he’s been smoking.  Ha.  They both evil chuckle at each other, and Ian says he has valuable information about his family.  This makes Victor stand up.  He tells Ian to be careful.


Courtney busts some guy’s chops at the police station in her Malibu Barbie voice.  Yo, he wants a lawyer.  He don’t have to take dis.  Noah comes to visit her and Courtney is all heeeeey, cutie.  She just has to process this dirtbag, and they can go home and play cops and robbers.  She kicks the dirtbag on her way out.  Unemployed Noah thinks tough little Courtney and her cute little job are all really cute.


Victor is quite irritated with Ian now.  THERE’SNOINFORMATIONYOUHAVETHATCANIMPACTMYFAMILY.  Ian thinks there is, for the right price.  GETOUT!!  Ian’s going, but he pulls his trump card and says HE can get Victor back into the good graces of his family, if he allows him to.  Victor says what kind of sociopath are you?  Ian insists he knows things worth knowing, and his information is worth its weight in gold.  Then you can sell it to anyone, says Victor. Go find a buyer and GET OUT.  GETOUT!


Austin is excited to hear to about The Talk, specifically the cameras and lighting.  Avery’s worthless in that regard.  Aw shucks, Austin sure wishes he could work on a production like that, and Avery promises him he will one day.  Victor calls Dylan, who has not seen Ian, and they agree to talk later.  Avery wants to know what THAT is all about.  It’s about NOTHING, of course!   Dylan says they need to see what’s keeping Summer. 


Jack’s embarrassment is keeping Summer.  She’s like, it’s fine, but Jack keeps trying to make this a sharing moment which is BEYOND awkward.  Like, can’t you do this later?  Summer admits she was there to see if Jack wanted to come to the coffeehouse and watch Avery on The Talk, so, more awkward.  She leaves, and Kelly comes downstairs fully dressed and ready to go.  She’s fine with everything, too, though, and tries to make a date with Jack for later in the week.  Geez, he’d love to but he’s off to London on business.  Kelly thinks it’s an excuse to avoid her, because, seriously, when does Jack ever work?  He says Summer coming by has nothing to do with anything, and he’d planned this trip for weeks.  She apologizes for jumping to conclusions.  More kissing.  Looks like she’s not leaving after all.


Greg Brady Cop has some obnoxious banter with Courtney as she gets ready to leave.  She mentions the sleaze she kicked had mugged an old lady, so maybe he’s connected to Ian Ward’s attack.  Greg Brady (Det. Harding) says her job is to haul’em in and book’em, sweetheart, and she should leave the detective work to the detectives.  Noah gets his knickers in a knot and says Court earned her spot on the force like anyone else, and Harding says, sure she did.  Wink, wink.  Noah asks what that’s supposed to mean.  It means NOTHING, of course!


Nikki is back at Victor’s office.  She’s frustrated about hearing of the attack on Ian Ward and having to lie to Paul, because of course she knows he did it.  She tells him he can’t take the law into his own hands.  “If Paul Williams would do his job, I wouldn’t have to!”  Nikki begs him to let this vendetta go, and he is aggravated that she is upset over all of this.  NO.  “I’m upset because I love you as much as I do!” she cries and leaves.


Summer shows up for the amazing appearance of Avery on The Talk.  Then they make us watch it.  Avery’s hair is much longer because The Talk made her wear extensions.  Austin thinks it looks hot.  He is super cute.  Summer says Phyllis would be both jealous and proud.  Ian Ward creeps in like the skunk at the garden party, or Swiper on Dora the Explorer, according to my son.


Dylan wants to know what he’s doing there.  Well, son, I told you I’d be visiting [every 15 minutes]from time to time.  I don’t even have the energy to type “restraining order” for the 50th time.  Nobody wants him there, but he is undeterred.  He saw Avery on The Talk, and he just loves that Aisha, lol.  He thinks Avery should have had more air time because there was so much more she could talk about.  Dylan accuses him of being 4MJ, which he denies.  Dylan says Ian has to go because they’re closed, but Ian says he’ll be back.   “WHY?” shouts Avery.  Because he’s encouraged by Dylan’s nonviolent progress!  He leaves.


Summer tells Austin how Ian is the worst human being on the planet and is behind a lot of bad stuff, like a cult and rape and extortion.  Austin can’t believe he’s not in jail, and neither can Summer.  Avery agrees that Dylan has been civil to Ian, and Dylan says it’s because he’s realized there are better ways to deal with Ian.  “Legal ways?” asks Avery.  Nikki walks in, small talk, Dylan has to leave.  Avery says one guess as to what that is all about.


Summer cries on Austin’s shoulder about her awkward encounter at Jack’s.  He’s adorable and understanding and has a dead mom.  What's not to love?


Jack thinks Kelly should fly to London and meet him.  She declines. WHAT?  She’s sure Jack can understand. Uh, no, he cannot.


Courtney and Noah make out.  She thinks he’s distracted.  He’s thinking about Detective Greg Brady and how he treated her.  Courtney thought it was sexy how Noah stood up for her in a completely nonthreatening manner that accomplished nothing. Blah blah she can take care of herself.  More making out, then handcuffs, which still doesn't make this couple exciting.


Nikki and Avery discuss Dylan and Victor planning something.  They’re both concerned about the havoc those two could wreak by joining forces.  Brains and brawn, I guess.  Dylan meets with Victor.  They compare notes on Ian and what it will take to get information out of Ian’s ex-wife.  Victor assures Dylan he can take care of the paying her off part.

Jack really can’t believe Kelly won’t succumb to his winning smile and invitation.  She loves the offer but wants to take it slow.  He accepts it, and playing hard to get is probably going to keep him hooked longer anyway.  They’ll go for Indian food when he gets back.


Austin understands Summer some more, and tells her she’s awesome.  They kiss, and then leave together.


Nikki and Avery worry that Victor and Dylan are together planning something RIGHT NOW.  Oh geez, LET THEM.


Det. Greg Brady brought Ian in again hoping he could name someone in a lineup, which didn’t work.  He just really wants someone to pay.  Ian thinks in time…he will.


Victor hands Dylan an envelope that might as well be marked PAYOLA.  The camera zooms in to focus on their handshake.  It’s a deal, y’all.


Thanks, show, for making relatively nothing happen on a holiday episode.  It's appreciated.

  • Love 11
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Noah of such rich and varied life experience again smugly chastises his grandmother for going back to Victor a thousand times, but he means no offense. 

It might've been rude coming from her grandson but I think somebody needs to call her out on it. Heavens knows (literally!) her BFF Kay wouldn't and in fact always encouraged Nikki to return to her abuser.


Noah gets his knickers in a knot and says Court earned her spot on the force like anyone else, and Harding says, sure she did.  Wink, wink.  Noah asks what that’s supposed to mean.  It means NOTHING, of course!

Hmmm. Wonder if Courtney had a thing with Harding and now he's bitter because she's moved on to the rich kid? Or even better,  she had a thing with another detective, that hot piece Chavez? (Speaking of whom, is Alex ever coming back?)


Victor hands Dylan an envelope that might as well be marked PAYOLA.  The camera zooms in to focus on their handshake.  It’s a deal, y’all.

So is Dylan going to fly to Idaho with an envelope full of cash? I'm thinking the TSA people are going to be very interested when they view that fat wad in his carry-on. Maybe Victor will let Dylan use the NE corporate jet instead making him fly commercial. Gosh, there's so many things to consider when you're engaging in bribery.

  • Love 2
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More making out, then handcuffs, which still doesn't make this couple exciting.

I missed this part.  Who put the cuffs on whom?  Because if Noah put them on OADCWC, that might make him very much more interesting. JMHO

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SorryPeacheslatour but it was Courtney who cuffed Noah. *sigh*


Dylan won't have any trouble flying to Idaho with a wad of cash. I mean, Chloe is flying to California with a container of jizz in her purse.  

  • Love 8
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SorryPeacheslatour but it was Courtney who cuffed Noah. *sigh*


Dylan won't have any trouble flying to Idaho with a wad of cash. I mean, Chloe is flying to California with a container of jizz in her purse.

I just spit out my soda, P&E! Damn! Bwahaha!

There's not really a mystery to it when you consider that MCE is engaged to a CBS executive. Makes me wonder why she hasn't jumped to prime time since she's got the connections. Perhaps being a perpetual lead character on a long-standing soap is a less-risky prospect.

Ah yes, nepotism at its finest! I'm not saying MCE's a bad actress, but I'm also not saying she's gonna be a daytime star, either.

As long as soaps are on, she may as well ride that Gravy Train right until the end.

SorryPeacheslatour but it was Courtney who cuffed Noah. *sigh*


Dylan won't have any trouble flying to Idaho with a wad of cash. I mean, Chloe is flying to California with a container of jizz in her purse.

Sorry, forgot to ask....does this mean they're both travelling with a Wad of Bill('s)?

Sorry, couldn't help a pun here!

  • Love 5
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Then you can sell it to anyone, says Victor. Go find a buyer and GET OUT.  GETOUT!

Peach, I love your recaps, but did you by any chance forget to add all of Victor's ending to every sentence - "kay" <grin>  I remember toward the end of my viewing, he started adding it to just about every sentence!  Reminded me of Mr. Mackie on South Park who always said m'kay after his sentences.  


Keep up the good work!

  • Love 2
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Peach, I love your recaps, but did you by any chance forget to add all of Victor's ending to every sentence - "kay" <grin>  I remember toward the end of my viewing, he started adding it to just about every sentence! 



Seriously, I don't think I left any out, but it's possible because..I AM cutting corners this week.  K?


My house has just been rewired today (all day!), so I will soon be a lean, mean, recapping machine again. 

.   The problem with the show is that each episode only has about one scene that I want to watch. 


Well, hopefully, I can help you narrow it down.  lol

  • Love 3
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Tue, May 27, 2014
It’s a new day.  Victoria invites herself into Chelsea’s place like everyone else does even though Chelsea says it’s not a good time.  Vicky says it was sadistic to tell her she was going to tell Billy about the baby and then just hang up, especially since Vicky kept Chelsea’s baby secret.  Chelsea doesn’t think it was that much of a favor since Victoria was blackmailing her to keep Chloe away from Billy.  Vicky says if this is payback, just tell me what you want.  Chelsea wants her to tell Billy he might be a father again.


Abby is at the coffee shop rejecting a call from Tyler.  Since she can’t yell at him, she takes her anger out on Stitch.  He innocently asks how her mom is doing.  “The glamorous and incredible Ashley Abbott?  You missed your shot.  You were too busy chasing Victoria before her separation was even official.”   Stitch is like, well, it’s official now.  Abby’s like well at least you’re up front with Billy, and he’s not a sucker who’s the last to know like Abby is right now.  Stitch is like…yeaaaah.


Victoria says she’ll tell Billy she’s pregnant in her own time.  Chelsea regrets the time she wasted lying to Adam because it was time he could have spent with his son.  Right, that baby was already BORN.  Victoria says this isn’t about ADAM.  Chelsea says she only lied to Adam because she was afraid of him taking her baby from her, but Billy would never do that, so why is she punishing him?  Vicky’s like, I’m NOT PUNISHING him.  The DNA test is weeks away, and she thinks it would be torture for him to wonder that whole time if he’s the father, so why tell him now?  Chelsea sneers that Victoria’s only worried about protecting HERSELF, and she’s lying to someone who deserves better.  Yeah, that guy that kidnapped and killed your husband deserves so much better from the wife he cheated on.  Billy arrives and wonders what’s going on because things are tense in there.


Jill is on the phone with Cane, begging him not to call the cops yet about the missing Colin.  She convinces him that involving the police could just get Colin arrested somehow.  Then she yells at Katherine’s picture.  Esther comes in and yells at her to stop talking to Katherine that way!  She’s flustered and has to leave, and, oh, she’s called someone about that other issue, the rat in the attic.  The rat is looking worse for the wear and cackling a bit.


Lauren and Michael discuss Chloe.  Michael is aggravated that Chloe’s chosen a facility in California instead of Fairview, as far away as possible from [this show] Genoa City, and all the people who love her, specifically Kevin.  Chloe is cuddling with sad Kevin on their bed.  He wishes they could run away and hide out, and he would never let her go.   She talks about needing to get better and how grateful she is for all the things he’s done for her.  She asks him for one more thing, to make love to her.  Kevin is definitely down with that.  He looks at her with love and longing and sadness, and says how much he’s missed her.  She says she’s there right now.  They kiss.


Esther tells Jill she called an exterminator to get rid of the rat.  Jill is pissy and asks why she wasn’t consulted.  Esther has to remind her that other things are going on in the universe, like Chloe going to a mental hospital, so she’s trying to control what she can, like rat extermination.  Jill is a bit remorseful, but Esther says Jill doesn’t care.  Jill says she doesn’t care about Esther, but she does care about Chloe, she loves that girl.  Oh, okay, she cares about Esther, too.  Esther cries about how Chloe was gone in boarding school, and then New York, and now this.  Well, this is kind of like boarding school?  Esther says all she does is say goodbye.  Jill gives her an awkward pat/hug.


Abby settles down and says it’s none of her business what Stitch has going on with Victoria.  But she’s "always watching and very protective" because she’s got that crazy Newman side.  Stitch asks about Tyler and says it took a lot of guts for him to get in the ring with Victor Newman [and not laugh], and other nice things.  She’s like, yeah, Tyler’s great, it’s not like he has some deep dark secret criminal past.  Stitch clears his throat uncomfortably not knowing she is being sarcastic instead of reading his MIND.


Billy finds it alarming that Victoria and Chelsea are hanging out, but Vicky covers and says she just had some medical history questions for Chelsea.  Chelsea kinda goes along with it but keeps making snide coded remarks like “without the proper information, it’s impossible to move forward.”  Billy asks if everything’s okay, and Vicky says yes while Chelsea says no.  Gamma rays of hypocritical judgment radiate from Chelsea, and Billy freaks out thinking something is wrong with Johnny that Victoria isn’t telling him. 


Victoria convinces him Johnny is fine, but he insists she is keeping something from him.  She says it’s all the drama with her father that she figures he doesn’t want to talk about.  She just doesn’t want to get into it with him, and she doesn’t want him to worry or cause him any pain.   Chelsea judges silently from behind, then interrupts and says sorry, but it’s time for them (Chelsea and Billy) to go.  Victoria’s like…oh.  Nobody says anything, so Vicky says it’s none of her business and leaves.  So stupid 20 Questions Billy and Double Standard Chelsea still aren’t even going to mention that they are involved in having Chloe COMMITTED, because I guess while Victoria's business is everyone's business, this is none of Victoria’s business.


Jill goes to visit the rat in the attic.  She’s like, okay, fine, you say you’ve solved the mystery, so out with it.  Even in his dilapidated state he’s still hitting on her.  He agrees to her divorce terms, saying it doesn’t matter anyway, because he’s solved the riddle, so he will get the reward.  She reminds him it’s her reward so it doesn’t matter.  HE has the key, though, blah blah blah.  He points to a folded paper in his shirt.  It’s the sheet music for the music played by the box.  Katherine was a genius.


Austin and Summer are walking in Allpurpose Park.   That’s what they did ALL NIGHT, walk and talk in the park.  They seem kind of giddy from sleep deprivation, and she thanks him for being a good listener and they kiss.  Abby happens by and is like, HELLO??  Summer introduces Austin….um, what’s his last name?  Travers!  It’s Austin Travers.  He cures the awkwardness by running off to get them coffee.  Abby is like, making out in the park with a guy whose name you don’t know??  Summer says it was JUST a kiss, and she feels like she knows Austin better than most of the people in her life.  Also, dimples.


Michael, Lauren, Kevin, and Esther meet Chloe at the police station to say goodbye before her transfer to California.  It’s emotional.  She thanks everyone for caring about her.  Chelsea arrives.  Everyone is freaking wearing blue, except Chloe who’s in (bluish) gray because this is a sad day.  Chloe is moved that Chelsea came to say goodbye.


Newly paranoid Abby talks about how guys are freaks who lie about everything, and Summer doesn’t even KNOW Austin.  Well, she is trying to GET to know Austin, and maybe this is really about Tyler.


Chelsea has a tearful goodbye with Chloe talking about what great friends they are and how they will be together again after Chloe gets better.


Stitch comes to visit Victoria.  She’s so grateful for his help.  She also says let’s not confuse Johnny with too much sleeping on the couch.  Stitch would never do that because he believes the father-son connection is sacrosanct.  The mother-father connection is much, much less sacrosanct.


Chloe apologizes to Chelsea for all the crazy stuff.  Billy surprises Chloe by bringing in Connor.  Guess what color his shirt is?


Colin is ready to spend the money.  Jill says Katherine is cackling in heaven.


Chloe has a loving reunion with Connor, since I guess they figured she can't kidnap him in the next fourteen minutes.  She is happy he has his sight because of Delia.  She hopes he has her heart and wisdom, too.


Vicky tells Stitch about Chelsea finding out she’s pregnant and wanting to tell Billy about it.  Stitch is like, after what she did to Dylan and Adam??  IKR?  He thinks Victoria should get to tell Billy when she’s ready, but maybe the best thing is to tell Billy NOW so no one (Chelsea) beats her to it.


Chloe tells Billy that Delia’s death wasn’t his fault and not to beat himself about it.  Delia had an amazing father, and she’s sorry for what she tried to do to Billy.  He says no harm, no foul.  He wants her to get better, because the loss can’t be the biggest part of Delia’s memory.  She tells him to look after Chelsea and Connor for her.  Blech.  Chelsea and Chloe hug it out, and then Chloe wants one more minute with Kevin, alone.  They go in Paul’s office, and she says they need to say goodbye there and let Esther take her to the airport.


Colin really wants a shower.  Jill is like, no stalling.  She picks his pocket to get the sheet music.  It’s BLANK.  Colin, you LIAR!!  The exterminator arrives to get rid of the vermin, humanely.  Jill isn't interested in getting rid of THIS vermin humanely.


Kevin isn’t ready to say goodbye.  Chloe says she has to do it now, or she can’t do it.  He still wants her to go to Fairview so he can visit her.  Fairview is too close to Delia and all her memories.  Also, she’ll cling to Kevin and lie that she’s okay, like she has been doing. She has to go do it on her own.  Kevin is trying not to cry.  He says it’s just one more step before she comes BACK.  Kevin and Chloe make me tear up a little bit, you guys.  They embrace, and he tells her he loves her.  She loves him too.


Adam’s Hand watches the nanny cam.  His hand’s been busy sharpening pencils.  Chelsea is letting Billy put Connor down for a nap.  Blah blah Billy’s great with Connor, and Chloe, and the greatest thing ever. Billy says it’s [stupid] weird that they are friends.  She agrees it’s pretty weird that [she’s letting her son’s father's killer in his nursery] they are friends.  It’s so weird, Adam’s Hand BREAKS A PENCIL!  Don’t they know kids are watching this??


Jill says the vermin is out of the attic, and pushes the exterminator out.  She starts yelling and throwing things at Colin, and breaks her own chandelier.  Now who’s going to pay for that?  A jewel encrusted necklace falls out of it!  Omg, it’s Katherine’s necklace!  They start salivating.


Lauren says goodbye to Chloe.  Even Michael has some tears.  She tells him she never meant to hurt Kevin.  Also, he’s going to want to keep saving her, and love her too much.  Michael promises to look after Kevin, if she looks after herself.  He tells her she is a huge breath of fresh air in their family, and holds her own with the…misfits.  He’s proud she’s brave enough to get well.  She loves all of them.  She leaves with Esther.  Goodbye, Chloe.  :*(


Wait, she isn't gone.  Esther goes to get the car.  OMG, Chloe still has Billy’s genetic material in her purse?!?  I’m sure it’s expired.  Are you kidding me?  This show sets up a beautiful, redemptive goodbye, and then pulls this? Throw it way, Chloe!  Don’t get cheated out of your Emmy exit.


Vicky thought Stitch understood her wanting to wait to tell Billy.  Stitch does, but he found out, and the world didn't end.  Well, Stitch is normal.  Billy is…Billy.   He’s impulsive and does stupid things.  Stitch says people say he plays the hero, but he’s done his share of shit, too, why else would HIS ex-wife take his son far away?  He’s the guy who had unprotected drunk sex with her and read her medical file. Victoria thinks Stitch is great and super sweet, though.  He says he’s not the guy in the white hat, and Billy’s not the one in black hat.  No, Billy’s the one in the dunce hat.  The practical point, says Stitch, is he doesn’t want Billy to blame Victoria if he finds out from someone else.


Billy talks about babies and how that ship has sailed.  Victoria’s shutting him out and he thinks Chelsea knows why.  If she thought she could help she would.  He keeps pressuring her until she says, you’re right, okay, there’s something you need to know.  Chelsea’s as much of a hypocritical jerk as you are, Billy.  There, now you know.

Edited by peach
  • Love 7
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Victor's ending to every sentence - "kay"

I wish the director would tell him to stop doing that. It's an annoying--to me anyway--verbal tic, in the same range as "um" or "like".


Katherine knew Jill would get pissed and throw a pillow at Colin because..... reasons?

Or she knew Esther the $250K per year housekeeper would never clean the chandeliers. Or, I suppose, call in a service to do it. It'd have been funny if some random worker had found them and wasn't inclined to do the honorable thing. This is probably another case of the writers starting a storyline they didn't know how to end so they took a silly way out. Whatever, I thought Kay's jewelry and couture clothes had gone to Chloe?

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Kevin and Chloe make me tear up a little bit, you guys.  They embrace, and he tells her he loves her.  She loves him too.

Me too.  I caught up on a week's worth of shows,tonight and Chloe was really making me tear up.  Fabulous job by EH.

But Chloe still has the jar of jizz, right? (thanks Patsy, lol)  How stupid.  Can't she just leave with some dignity?

  • Love 5
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Wed, May 28, 2014
The camera pans past a photo of Victoria and Billy while Victoria and Stitch walk out of the kitchen.  He’s glad she ate something; she’s glad he ate Brussels sprouts.  He asks if she wants to watch TV or take a nap, and she says she wants to call Billy.


Back at Chelsea’s, Billy tries to get Chelsea to tell him what huge and life-changing thing Victoria is keeping from him.  Chelsea doesn’t want to be the one to tell him…but the moral arbiter of Genoa City thinks it just isn’t right.  Tell him, tell him, he begs, tell him what this is about.  “It’s about Victoria,” she says dramatically.  AREN’T WE ALREADY TALKING ABOUT VICTORIA?


WORST PLOT HOLE EVER:  Jill is overcome with emotion that that manipulative, infuriating, generous old bat left her a necklace in a chandelier.  “You loved me,” she gasps.  Colin’s looking at her like she’s a little loopy, but he’s been locked in an attic for some time, and also, this scene makes absolutely no sense.  “Omg,” Jill says.  “This is GENIUS.  Do you know what genius this is for her to take these… clues… and.. lead to this priceless heirloom she left me?”  Wait, WHAT?  The genius plan was for you and Colin to chase music box red herrings for a year until you got mad and randomly threw a pillow through a chandelier, revealing the heirloom treasure?  Maybe Esther was just supposed to clean the thing in the past year.  Or maybe it was Esther stashing it up there.  Ha!  Jill thinks it’s hers though, and Colin’s like, community property, baby.  


Sharon and Nick commemorate the anniversary of Cassie’s death at her grave. Nick says a lot has changed over this past year.  Sharon says, you mean Mariah?  NO, Sharon, Nick hates Mariah.  He’s talking about HIM.  I think Nick is getting pretty jealous about this Mariah fixation.  He says they are no longer just two grieving parents, but they’ve found their way back to each other.  She guesses so, but it doesn’t seem so monumental to her because some part of her has always felt they were together, even when they were married to a half dozen other people.  He laughs and says maybe that’s the ECT talking.  “Your memory’s gotten pretty selective if you forgot all the years we spent apart” and you married my brother and my dad.  Speaking of dad, he shows up in a GCRB tie with flowers for the grave, and Nick stares daggers at him.


Nick says Victor has no place there.  “Cassie was my granddaughter, K?”  He says he has every right to pay his respects, and they’re not gonna keep him from it.  He lays down some forget-me-nots and shows an emotion that isn’t anger.  Wow.  He says he will never forget Cassie.  “It’s hypocrisy,” spits Nick.  Victor exploited Cassie’s memory, and he shouldn’t be there.  Victor says he thought he’d waited long enough to miss their own visit, because he would never intrude on their time there.  He says some nice stuff about Cassie, and Sharon seems a bit moved by it, but Nick is unyielding.   Victor walks away.


Colin reminds Jill of their prenup.  She says that’s bogus and won’t stand up in court.  They argue and scuffle about who tricked whom, and then find a little scroll of paper that also fell out of the chandelier per Katherine’s grand, nonexistent “plan.”  They scuffle over that, too, and tear it.  Before they can settle that, the state police start pounding on the door. 


Victoria tells Stitch she wants to go ahead and tell Billy she’s pregnant before he finds out some other way.  He says it won’t be easy, but she says it will at least be fair.  Blah blah, she should tell him face to face.  He’s nervous about this too, because he knows a baby could bring Victoria and Billy back together, and that’s not what he wants.


Billy keeps pressuring Chelsea to tell her Victoria’s Secret, but she backs down and says he should go home now and get Victoria to tell him herself.  He wants to know if Stitch is involved.  She says to get his answers from Victoria.  “Like I have a choice,” he snaps.  She says if he needs someone to talk to afterwards, he knows where to find her.  He’s like WTF?


Cane and the police officer come into the mansion, and lo and behold, the missing person isn’t missing after all.  Cane looks pretty annoyed, and the cop leaves.  He demands to know where Colin was, and they stammer around and say he was in Canada.  Cane’s not buying any of this.


Sharon tells Nick she believes Victor.  She doesn’t forgive Victor, but all of this has helped her come to terms with Cassie’s death.  She says he’s paying for what he did because the family’s rejecting him, and Mariah is paying in jail.  Nick says they will always have the perfect memory of their perfect daughter.  Synapses fire, and Sharon suddenly remembers some of her missing memories.


Victor stops by Chelsea’s to see Connor, but he’s down for a nap, so it’s not a good time.  He notices something is wrong and says he thought they “had an understanding.”  She “understands” what he did to Sharon.  Oh, YEAH?  Well, is she forgetting how he protected Adam, or how he helped her get Connor back when he was kidnapped?  Well, no, she hasn’t forgotten all that stuff, but she wonders how far he’s willing to go to “protect” people.  He asks how far SHE is willing to go to protect Connor?


Stitch apologizes and says he knows he promised to back off and give Victoria space, but it’s getting harder and harder to stay away from her…like that 20 minutes he took to buy her some food.  That was really hard.   She says she knows he misses his little boy and would like another child.  He says it’s more than that, and she whispers that she’s finding it hard to stay away from him, too, especially since he’s always in her house.  He leans in for a kiss, and she backs up and says she can’t put off calling Billy anymore.  He wants to give her a massage to help with her nerves.  There is giggling.  He starts rubbing her shoulders.  Billy is on the doorstep, getting ready to let himself in, but he pauses.  Stitch asks if she’s thought about what the test results will be.  Billy decides to knock instead of use his key, and Stitch answers the door.  Billy hopes he IS interrupting something.


Cane questions Colin about the Bonaventure card.  Colin’s like, whatever, I got it in a bar.  “DON’T LIE TO ME!” shouts Cane.  He spits out a bunch of whatever the Bonaventure conspiracy is, which makes almost as much sense as the music box, and accuses Colin of setting him up.  “You’re damn right I did,” says Colin…and he did it for Cane.  Cane is so surprised that Colin admitted it that he’s speechless. 


Sharon tells Nick she remembers a fragment of a memory that has to do with this place (Cassie’s grave).  She doesn’t want to call Dr. Mead; she wants to remember it herself.  Omg!  She remembers more! She remembers feeling fragile.  Gee, that narrows it down.   Nick thinks they should go because [sharon might remember something that sucks] it’s too hard on her.  She says no, something about this place is stirring her memories.  Something important happened there a year ago, and Nick was there.  He was part of it!


Chelsea tells Victor there isn’t anything she wouldn’t do to protect Connor.  She even took out a restraining order against his kidnapper even though it was her best friend.   Big whoop.  Victor says she had no choice.  Chelsea says Chloe had no choice either, because she was sick.  She tells him about Chloe checking into a hospital in California.  Then she blathers about poor Billy and how hard everything is for him.  Victor’s like, whoa, Billy Abbott?  Oh, yes, Chelsea’s bonded with him over Chloe, etc, and now they’re, um, friends.  Victor says, “you bonded with Billy?”  That’s just gross.  He thought she would choose her friends more wisely. Chelsea tries to blame that on Victor for paying her to be “friends” with Billy in the first place.  Hey, that was a long time ago, K?  “Don’t you get involved with Billy Abbott, for heaven’s sake.  He’s a loser!  He’s..my God, that man cannot be trusted!”  “That’s what he says about you,” says Chelsea.  Give Victor a break.  He doesn’t give a damn what Billy says about him.  “Be careful, girl.”


Stitch actually has the stones to say to Billy, “you think about calling first?”  You’re in his house, bro, and you NEVER call.  But Billy really brings out the teeth gritting in him.  Billy goes into his “Stitch has a secret past” spiel, which is really getting off topic, and Victoria finally says she has something to tell him.  He knows because Chelsea told him.


Victor asks Chelsea if he has to remind her that Billy is as responsible for Delia’s death as Adam was?  She doesn’t think so, but Victor’s like, who leaves a child in a car at night to go shopping?  He says fortunately Victoria’s moved past this irresponsible loser, and Chelsea’s silence speaks volumes.  He asks if she knows something he doesn’t.  Chelsea’s like..ummmm…


Billy says Chelsea only told him that he needed to hear something from Victoria.  JUST Victoria, NOT Stitch.  Stitch says he was going to leave, but maybe he needs to stay.  This makes Billy even madder that Stitch thinks he has to ask HIS WIFE for permission to be left alone with him.  Stitch says he’ll leave if Billy dials it down around Victoria first.  They argue, and Billy, ever the good listener, starts yelling in Victoria’s face that he already knows what this is about.  They want to be together and Stitch is going to move into HIS house, right?  Victoria’s face is hardening because Billy is an idiot.


Cane shouts at Colin, “DIDYOUJUSTADMITTHATYOUSETMEUPSOI’DPULLTHESTRINGSANDBUYBONAVENTURE??”  Sorry, nobody can yell like that except Victor.  Colin says he thought it was a good company doing good research, and it would make Cane a billionaire.  Then Colin could have stepped in and gotten the credit for doing that for Cane.  He didn’t know anything about unapproved drugs.  His whole plan was just to bring them closer together.  Cane can’t decide if Colin’s lying about the drugs.  He storms out.  Jill is shocked by the whole thing.


Nick is vague about what was going on this time last year.  I hate his belt.  Sharon doesn’t remember what happened, but Nick admits he was kind of a basket case because of another daughter.  Sharon asks, “Faith?”  No, it was Summer.  Nick says it’s still kind of hard to talk about, because The Hero’s sins don’t get talked about as much as Sharon’s.  She remembers he was talking “to” Cassie while she went to get something from the car.  Sharon has a flashback to overhearing Nick talking about taking the paternity test back to the lab to find out if he really is Summer’s father.  His hair looks much better longer now.  Sharon’s like OMG, I remember it like it was yesterday!  She puts her hand over her mouth like maybe she remembers something else.


She tells Nick he was in so much pain that day and confused about what to do about Summer.  Nick didn’t know she overheard him confessing to Cassie.  He asks why she didn’t say anything at the time.  Sharon’s like maybe I was..respecting your privacy?  Or maybe she’ll never get the whole memory back.  She wishes she had said something, at least to make him feel better.  He said that wouldn’t have happened and a few weeks later everyone found out Jack was really the father.  Sharon squints.  It doesn’t add up to her that she didn’t find that out for weeks, but she can’t make sense of it.  They hug.


Cane shows up in Victor’s office.  Victor says the feds have determined one of his companies sold unapproved drugs, so he has to pay millions in fines.  And if they determine he had prior knowledge,  he’ll have to do time in the penitentiary.  Give me a BREAK!  He didn’t, for one thing.  And even if he did, that’s ridiculous.  He says whatever Cane found out is too little, too late.


Colin’s upset about the whole Cane deal.  Jill asks why she should believe him?  She asks him for the other half of the torn up scroll.  He gives it to her, because love.  It’s a note from Katherine.  “Took you long enough, Jill.  But I always knew you’d throw a pillow through the chandelier and find it eventually.  Wear it well on your journey to finding out what's really important.”  GOOD WRITING.  IT’S REALLY IMPORTANT.  “I loved her so much,” Jill whimpers, now that she’s got some inheritance.  Colin says I guess this means the jewelry’s ours.  Jill says he has a pronoun problem.  Wait, he means the JOURNEY itself is ours.  She agrees the journey is THEIRS, the necklace is HERS.  They banter about him getting into her good graces and bed again.  Not until he has that shower. 


Victoria tries to tell Billy that Stitch is not moving in with her, but Billy interrupts.  Stitch is like, just let her talk!  But, no, Billy can’t shut up and keeps yelling at Stitch about how he lost his own family and can’t have his, blah blah.  “Billy, LISTEN!” says Victoria.  “No!  I’m not gonna listen to anything this guy says, and if anyone’s leaving…it’s BEN!” And he shoves Stitch half over, knocking over an end table.  I guess Stitch used to play hockey in his secret past because he’s the biggest dive artist I’ve ever seen.  And Billy draws the penalty, because the push broke a picture frame that was a wedding present.  How IRONIC.  Victoria’s like GREAT!  Just GREAT! 


Billy gets sheepish and says he’ll clean it up.  NO, THANK YOU.  He says he didn’t mean to, and Victoria says he never means to, but it’s always the same.  He starts begging and hugging and says if only they had been ALONE.  He says let’s start over, and he’ll just come in again and listen to whatever she has to say.  “NO, BILLY, JUST GO.  GO RIGHT NOW.  And the next time you come by…call first.”  So Billy blew his one chance to finally find out Victoria’s Secret because he cannot ever shut up.  Also, never push a dive artist who wants your wife.


Jill knows if she lets Colin put his hands on the necklace, she will never see it again.  She might have been born at night, but not last night.  That necklace is staying on her neck.   Jill thinks it’s beautiful; Colin thinks she’s beautiful.  He thinks it’s funny that they went to all that trouble over the music box, and in the end it meant nothing.  Yeah, that’s hilarious.  And these two have the critical thinking skills of  turkeys because there is no link between a necklace IN A CHANDELIER and a MUSIC BOX.


Cane must have had a three martini lunch because he’s getting pretty hard to understand.  He asks Victor what if the person who wanted him to buy Bonaventure did it for a good reason.   I’m sure Victor will still have that person fed to sharks with laser beams on their heads.  Cane’s just being hypothetical, of course.  Victor says whoever masterminded this intended to ruin him, so whenever he finds out who it is, that person will lose everything.  “Whatever’s left of them…I’ll feed to the jackals.”  Damn, I was close.   Cane’s like, okay, sounds good, and leaves.


Nick tells Sharon he didn’t mean to stir up any disturbing memories.  Sharon’s memories don’t need stirring, they just erupt whenever and out of order.  She really feels like she KNEW Jack was Summer’s father BEFORE the test results came out.  Is Nick sure he didn’t tell her?  He definitely did not, but Sharon shouldn’t worry about it because all the pieces will fall in place eventually. Sharon says Victor did bring the perfect flower, a forget-me-not, because it’s blue.


Victoria starts to excuse Billy, saying he didn’t mean to break anything.  Maybe she was just looking for an excuse not to tell him yet.  Stitch asks if that’s true.  She says did you see how angry he got just seeing us together? She really doesn’t want to see how he’ll react when she tells him she’s pregnant and Stitch might be the father.  Well, Stitch will be there to protect her.  That doesn’t sound any better to her at all.  She says she was right in the first place; it’s better to wait until the paternity test is over and nothing is up in the air.  Stitch says unless someone tells him first.  Vicky thinks if Chelsea hasn’t told him yet, she might be able to keep her quiet a little bit longer.  Well, she might want to use the PHONE, because Billy went straight over there.


Billy makes himself at home and pours himself some scotch.  He says Victoria had plenty to say, as if she could get a word in edgewise, and Chelsea says it’s going to be okay.  He’s like how could this ever be okay?  She’s like, well, however it turns out, once Victoria has the baby…dun dun DUN!  We get a crazy Hitchcock angle on Billy’s face.  “What baby?”


Things are heating up, y’all.

  • Love 4
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Stitch apologizes and says he knows he promised to back off and give Victoria space, but it’s getting harder and harder to stay away from her…like that 20 minutes he took to buy her some food.  That was really hard.   She says she knows he misses his little boy and would like another child.  He says it’s more than that, and she whispers that she’s finding it hard to stay away from him, too, especially since he’s always in her house.  He leans in for a kiss, and she backs up and says she can’t put off calling Billy anymore.



Billy says Chelsea only told him that he needed to hear something from Victoria.  JUST Victoria, NOT Stitch.  Stitch says he was going to leave, but maybe he needs to stay.  This makes Billy even madder that Stitch thinks he has to ask HIS WIFE for permission to be left alone with him.  Stitch says he’ll leave if Billy dials it down around Victoria first.  They argue, and Billy, ever the good listener, starts yelling in Victoria’s face that he already knows what this is about.  They want to be together and Stitch is going to move into HIS house, right?  Victoria’s face is hardening because Billy is an idiot.


Even though Billy was being an idiot Stitch still annoyed the crap out of me. Can he not back the fuck off for five minutes so Billy and Vikki can talk alone. Doesn't he ever have to leave so he can go play doctor? I wish Victor would have him kidnapped and left to rot in a Syrian prison.

  • Love 2
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Billy's paying for years of his "overwhelming stupidity," so I guess a big dumb dude who won't leave his wife alone for two minutes is what he gets.  The point of all this story, IMO, is that Billy never listens to Victoria; he never considers anyone's needs but his own.  She would have told him if he could put HIMSELF aside for one moment.  But Billy can't control himself and then whines like a baby when Victoria doesn't like it.  He's a spoiled brat of a character.


Stitch's character, however clumsily written, actually cares about Victoria and wants to do things for her and take care of her.  It's just written so ham-handedly that he comes across as overbearing and smothering.


What I hate most of all is how many characters want to enable the overwhelmingly stupid Billy Abbott, people like CHELSEA, or Abby, or anyone else who thinks Victoria should keep catering to Billy even when it's not in her best interest.  Billy has plenty of pals and enablers feeling sorry for him.  Victoria has Stitch.

  • Love 6
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Oh, no!


Stupid Canadian references strike again! Colin Scorpio was in Saskatchewan, he says... Didn't the show put somebody else in that mysterious central province? Whothehell was it that had to do with kidnapping? Was that Daisy and was she hiding out in one of the patented Y & R crappy wood-panelled motels, or something?


Do people "wildcat" for oil in Saskatchewan? Beats me. I know there's natural gas out there, but oil? Wheat, maybe.


BTW, lately when I'm a tad bored, I recall that there were dogs on the show--golden retrievers or yellow labs. What happened to them?

  • Love 1
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Colin Scorpio was in Saskatchewan, he says... Didn't the show put somebody else in that mysterious central province?

I just remember there was something about Saskatoon being in Ontario.  Somebody sent or received something addressed Saskatoon, Ontario, Canada.

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I just remember there was something about Saskatoon being in Ontario.  Somebody sent or received something addressed Saskatoon, Ontario, Canada.

I sometimes wonder if there shouldn't be a separate folder for Incredibly Dumb Canada References.


Most of the writing interns aren't that dumb--maybe one of them could google a few maps of parts of Canada? I mean, if we can have onomatopoeia, can't we have a coupla fairly correct references? We're right next door; Canada is not Uzbekistan.

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Wait, she isn't gone.  Esther goes to get the car.  OMG, Chloe still has Billy’s genetic material in her purse?!?  I’m sure it’s expired.  Are you kidding me?  This show sets up a beautiful, redemptive goodbye, and then pulls this? Throw it way, Chloe!  Don’t get cheated out of your Emmy exit.



UGH! That episode was cut off for me because Obama was announcing the withdrawal of troops in Afghanistan (yeah, yeah, whatever YOU ARE INTERRUPTING MY SOAP) and so thank god - and peach! - that I can come here to read the recaps... only to discover this awful ending to Chloe's story. If we find out that she gave Billy's splooge to Esther I will go on a (imaginary) rampage. Farewell, EH, you'll be missed. Sorry for the lame way they wrote you out. Come back!


I also missed the chandelier scene. Didn't Katherine's will say she was leaving Jill the thing she holds most dear? And it was a necklace stuffed in a chandelier? That had nothing to do with the music box? But didn't Colin seem to find something in an old folder or photo album while he was alone in the attic, so this necklace will just be a red herring to keep Jill off the case? Man, they need to wrap this shit up. 


Ian Ward's Big Secret had better not be as lame as the music box mystery. (Hi Ian! Smooches!)


ETA: pearlite, I wonder about the dogs, too! Victor used to have a dog, and Victoria and Billy had a dog (plus the one who was in the car the night Delia died). Maybe they've moved to the stables and are happily rolling in horse poo.

Edited by glowlights
  • Love 2
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Ian Ward's Big Secret had better not be as lame as the music box mystery. (Hi Ian! Smooches!)


Let's just hope he wasn't cooking up designer pickles in Portland, as well as Speed for Models for Chancellor Industries.

  • Love 1
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