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Explain it to Me Like I'm Lily: Recaps for the Disenchanted

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Thur/Fri June 12-13, 2014




Billy approaches Kelly at Crimson Lights (which I thought was a no-no), where she’s reading a newspaper story about Paul being shot.  “Gunman On The Run.”  It might help if they had a giant photo of the gunman instead of Paul.  They discuss Summer being missing, and Kelly dating Jack.  Billy reminds us that he’s the one who broke up his marriage, not Kelly, because Kelly is a heroine now.  She says Summer texted Jack and wished him Happy Father’s Day.  Kelly asks if Billy’s going to help the police and family search for Summer, and gosh, he totally would, but he’s got this thing, and it’s kind of important, you know how it is.  He’s going to Australia “on a rescue mission.”  Instead of rescuing his young niece, Billy has to go rescue his ego.


Victoria runs into Stitch at the club.  He’s been working in the ICU all night instead of in the pediatric ER.  He’s bummed out over Father’s Day.


Adam's Hand has a laptop AND a tablet.  Connor's nanny cam feed is on the laptop and Adam's "Captain Obvious" Hand taps on "Father's Day" on his tablet's calendar.  Adam's Hand is watching Connor on Father's Day.  Got it.


Stitch talks to Kelly about missing their sons.  She tells him Billy's gone to Oz to find out his secret.  She warned Stitch that somehow people would find out, so she's giving him this one last chance to finally tell Victoria himself.


Moses arrives in Genoa City, and, man, is he ridiculously cute.  The Winters clan has a Father's Day party/meeting where everyone argues about  how icky Neil and Hilary are. Lily thinks that it's just confusing to Moses that they're LIVING IN SIN, and that PARENTS WILL TALK.  I wonder how much they talk about Lily.  Hilary tells Neil that Lily is right.  So Neil does the only thing he knows how to do, and asks Hilary to marry him.  Nobody will be talking about him marrying a sugar baby he just met.


Billy visits Johnny for Father's Day, and lies to Victoria about why he's going to Australia, because telling lies is a great way to rebuild your relationship.  Then he goes to pick up his wingman, Chelsea, whom he also didn't Vicky about.  He plays with Connor in the nursery, and Adam's Hand is PISSED!  He slams the laptop closed!!    And those are some tight hospital corners on that single bed in the tiny room where Adam's Hand lives.




Nick and Jack worry about Summer.  Summer’s in a crappy motel.  She texts them both.  She’s fine, don’t worry about her, and she knows what she’s doing.  “Dammit!” says Nick.


Dylan hovers over Avery at Crimson Lights.  She keeps replaying what she could have done differently.  Dylan blames himself for wasting time with Ian Ward when he could have been tracking Austin.  Avery says Austin was decent, and funny, and normal.  They would never have known it was him.  So Dylan blames himself for Paul getting shot.  Avery says, no, he was doing what he was trained to do.  Um, kind of the opposite of that.  He reacted instead of thinking.  Avery thinks it was great.  They’re trained to protect the innocent.  Avery wants to blame herself too, for Austin’s mom’s death.


Sad Cricket talks to unconscious Paul.  Nikki watches through the window.  Wow, ANOTHER doctor that isn’t Stitch gives vague, unpromising answers to Cricket about Paul’s condition.


Goose and Maverick are on a plane to Australia.  I bet Victor would be thrilled to know Chelsea's leaving Connor with Anita, so she can go around the world with that degenerate Billy Abbott.  She schools Billy on fake ID’s and accents as they work on a ridiculous plan to just ask a woman a question.  Billy gets all worked up about how he’s going to protect Victoria from Stitch.


Stitch, meanwhile, is at Victoria’s house, while Billy flies halfway around the world away from her.  Man, Billy’s dumb.  Stitch tells her that Billy lied about going to Australia on business.  He explains how Kelly told him what was going on.  It sends Victoria through the roof that Billy was CONFIDING IN KELLY!!!  I said that was a no-no.  She says when is Billy going to learn?  (Never.)  Stitch says Billy’s just desperate and also reminds us that Kelly isn’t the issue.  We get it, we get it.  She asks Stitch if his exwife knows something that could hurt him.


Austin walks around the motel room in a towel acting all shy and gentlemanly.  Summer bandages his gunshot wound.  “It’s just a flesh wound,” he says.  No..it’s deeper, Summer thinks.  Losing his mom is his deep wound and he’s just lost.  He’s all sad and remorseful, and they start kissing.


Avery’s on Team Summer and explains Austin’s story to Dylan.  She says Austin is just an angry, grief-stricken, traumatized kid.  And now Paul’s in the ICU, and blah blah blah. Dylan needs Avery.


The doctor says they have to let Paul rest, and to keep half the damn town out of his room.  Nikki tries to comfort Cricket and tells her to go home and rest.  She’ll keep watch and let her know if anything happens.  Cricket’s like EXCUSE ME?  “YOU will let ME know?? *I* am Paul’s wife, and *I* will look after him.  YOU can go.”  Nikki is surprised, because like, she owns that hospital, and she’s Paul’s bestest friend ever.


Nick and Jack explain to the police how she left with Austin on her own volition.  They want to make sure that if they’re after Austin, SUMMER is innocent in all this. 


Austin pulls away and thinks they should keep moving.  Summer wants to stay.  He says he’s got to get to the Canadian border, and then she has to go home.  No!  It doesn’t have to be like that.


Goose and Maverick continue brainstorming dumb ideas.  Chelsea says I’m a con, you’re a gambler, we’ll figure this out.  Billy agonizes over the possibility of having to knock on his own door so Rayburn can answer it with a new baby.  Chelsea won’t let that happen, because Adam set all this in motion.  She swears she will get Jenna to talk.  The idea of this conversation lasting 13 hours makes my head hurt.


Victoria says Billy has no right to judge other husbands after all the crap he’s done.  She thinks it’s disgusting and insulting.  I agree.  Stitch says the fact that she hasn’t pushed him to tell her about his past, means maybe it’s time he do that.  He’s just about to confess, and the doorbell rings.  It’s Nikki.  Stitch gets a call to get to back to hospital for an emergency.  Nikki cries on Victoria’s shoulder about Paul being shot, and Summer being missing.  She’s pretty much just worried about Paul dying.


Cricket talks to Paul about their great life.  She’s not giving up.


Dylan and Avery decide to stop blaming themselves and go see Paul.


Summer helps Austin get dressed.  He tells her they DO have to say goodbye.  Summer says they could go  back to Genoa City.  Avery would be the first person to defend him.  He’s like, I shot the CHIEF OF POLICE.  He has to get to Canada.  Well, Summer’s not going to let him go without her.


Jack’s bummed out because this is his first Father’s Day as Summer’s dad.   Nick inexplicably shows Jack a mug Summer made him for Father’s Day once, which Nick pretty much cheated Jack out of.  Jack should smash it on Nick's head.  They talk about why Summer is with Austin.  Jack says not many women can resist a man who needs to be fixed.  Nick thinks Summer just wanted a reason to leave town.  Most girls just go to college instead of running off with tortured bandits.  Then Nick blames Summer running away on Jack because he’s dating Kelly.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?


Maverick watches Goose take a nap.  He apologizes for being a jerk while she CAN’T HEAR HIM.  He thinks she’s wonderful, blah blah blah.  Ah, she was just playin’possum and smiles about how great Maverick thinks she is.


Stitch leaves Jenna a message that someone is coming to ask her questions, and not to answer them.  That other doctor tells Stitch to get off the damn phone and do his job, which is to put Paul on the list for a liver transplant.  Cricket overhears.  “Is that his only hope??”


Victoria comforts Nikki.  Nikki cries because Paul’s her oldest friend.  They went skinny dipping, and ate ice cream, and joined cults!  And he helped her find her son.  Victoria comforts.  She says be positive and be brave.  Be like Paul.  Aw, that really gets her.


Dylan and Avery show up at the hospital.  Cricket tells them Paul needs a liver transplant and timing is crucial.  Dylan apologizes for what happened.  Cricket says it’s not his fault, that Paul would have done the same thing.  She says it’s nobody’s fault but the man who pulled the trigger (while Dylan had his hand on top of his).  Stitch says there are no matches in the database, because he has a rare blood type.  They are going to check Paul’s daughter’s blood type.  Wait…how can you take someone’s liver if they’re still alive?


Nikki complains about Cricket kicking her out of the hospital.   Victoria thinks she shouldn’t take it personally.  She says Nikki shouldn’t stay away from Paul, and don’t let ANYBODY stop her.  Nobody crashes boundaries like a Newman.


Nick Newman argues with Jack.  Jack’s like do you really want to play the game of “who hurt Summer the most?”  No shit.  Jack is way cooler about this than I would be.  Nick calms down a bit.


Austin says Summer can’t run off with him.  He says she can’t run away from a normal life.  Summer cries about how not normal her life is with two rich fathers.  Austin thinks that’s not so bad.  Summer doesn’t feel like she has a home, but with Austin she feels almost normal.  Being a fugitive is so, so normal.  She wants to start a new life together.  She starts kissing him, and he finally gives in.


Jack and Nick reminisce about the whole Lily and Daniel thing.  Nick’s like this guy shot Paul.  Jack says he’s not a hardened criminal, though.  Jack knows he would do in their shoes.  Run like hell to Canada.


Apparently, Australia has gotten a lot closer than it used to be.  It's even closer than Canada.  Goose and Maverick are already there, through customs, and at Jenna’s door.   They’re wearing “disguises” of a fedora and glasses.  They claim they’re making a documentary about American expats.  Billy explains to an expat what an expat is.  She thinks this is bizarre, but eventually lets them in.  I guess the documentary is going to focus on people who leave the U.S. because their exes have terrible secrets.


Paul’s daughter is not a match.  They worry.  Cricket goes to the chapel.  Nikki and Victoria show up.  Everyone offers to be tested.  Stitch says the problem is Paul’s rare AB negative blood type.  Omgosh, DYLAN is AB negative!  WHAT a coincidence.  Nikki is overjoyed that Dylan can save Paul’s life by getting his liver chopped out right quick!

Edited by peach
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That other doctor tells Stitch to get off the damn phone and do his job, which is to put Paul on the list for a liver transplant. 

I don't think anyone in the scene referred to him by name but the closed captioning said his name was Barton. As in Barton Shelby, Leslie's quickie husband with the fakest-sounding name ever.


She thinks this is bizarre, but eventually lets them in.

This is a woman who moved across an ocean to another continent to keep her kid away from his father. Are we supposed to believe that she would let two shady strangers into her home with barely a second thought? I hope she's going to pull a gun on them once they get inside.

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Wait…how can you take someone’s liver if they’re still alive?

They can take a part of a liver from a living donor, and apparently the donor's liver will regenerate.  Remember Ronan tricking Chance into donating part of his liver?  I'm getting nauseated as I think about this, so I'm going to stop now.

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That other doctor tells Stitch to get off the damn phone and do his job, which is to put Paul on the list for a liver transplant.


I'm surprised Stitch even bothered to show up to work. Why wasn't he trying to get Vikki out of the country before she could find out his stupid secret.

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Jenna is so stupid to open the door and let in strangers with some flimsy story. Hasn't she seen Funny Games or any random scary movie or random newspapers article?! Besides you learn stranger danger in kindergarten.

Chels is a Buffoon for dropping her thriving fashion business and child to globe trot with Billy playing Encyclopedia Brown just so he can discredit his exes current bf. I think it's pathetic and desparate even if she were in luv with Billy, so she looks especially idiotic.

The Nikki reminisces about ice cream with Paul I think they've mentioned on the show before. The two had some convo about eating ice cream together and laughing when she was diagnosed with MS or when Kay died or both.

I wish Austin and Summer never came back.

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I don't think anyone in the scene referred to him by name but the closed captioning said his name was Barton. As in Barton Shelby, Leslie's quickie husband with the fakest-sounding name ever.


Meh.  Color me unimpressed.  This doesn't seem like a guy anyone would abandon all sense of reason for.

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Nick Newman argues with Jack.  Jack’s like do you really want to play the game of “who hurt Summer the most?”  No shit.  Jack is way cooler about this than I would be.  Nick calms down a bit.


And this was one of the biggest problems with the whole stupid paternity story. Nick the hero was treated like he cheated on a high school exam instead of like he stole another man's child. Jack should have shot him. Instead, we will all wait with bated breath to see if Nick the hero will forgive Sharon for her horrible horrible switching of the results. But it will all be okay, because Nick will get his Supergirl back, the one he KNOWS so well. Speaking of which, Nick has hardly shared scenes with Summer in the last year, so I don't find it at all believable that he'd know her friends and Jack wouldn't. Fuck this writing.


Thank you Peach. You make this show so much better than it is with your recaps...

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OMG.  I am so busy and running on no sleep, that I just now realized I skipped most of Thursday, and was recapping Friday.  lol  I need a nap.


My dumb DVR records the first couple scenes as the end of Dr. Phil.  So I have to FF to the last two minutes of Dr. Phil, then switch to my recording of Y&R.  So I watched the opening of Thursday, and the rest of Friday.  This show has driven me 'round the bend.  Either that or I'm subconsciously avoiding any scenes involving the Winters. 


The funniest part is that I DIDN'T NOTICE I missed a whole episode, except for one scene.

Edited by peach
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Again, I thought I was losing my mind. I read part of that recap on the train this morning and then tried to pick up where I left off, but then after reading new stuff I was reading stuff I read before. I was all, how did I do that?!

Anyway, Peach, I adore your recaps, but I will love you forever for all your "Goose" comments!

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Again, I thought I was losing my mind. I read part of that recap on the train this morning and then tried to pick up where I left off, but then after reading new stuff I was reading stuff I read before. I was all, how did I do that?!


Great, now everyone is as confused as me.  lol

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Mon, June16, 2014  Chopped Liver

Billy and Chelsea are fresh as daisies after crossing the international date line, and are working their “expat documentary” con on Jenna.  Billy looks like he’s wearing his dad’s fedora in a high school play.  Jenna’s not too sure about it, probably since this is stupid, and also because Billy is going around her apartment checking things out, which isn’t sketchy at all.


We get the replay on Paul and Dylan having matching rare blood types.  Dylan says “let’s go.”  Just chop his liver out right there in the waiting room, Doc.  Nikki can’t wait to tell Cricket the good news about how she’s going to save Paul with her son, because she forgot about Cricket telling her to butt out an hour ago.  Stitch says they’ll have to do some tests and stuff to find out if Dylan can be a donor.


Leslie stops by and Avery fills her in on the liver situation, and why Austin was her crazy stalker, and also that no one knows where Summer is.


Summer and Austin have pillow talk about her first time.  It was good.  He still doesn’t want her to go to Canada, but there’s no way she isn’t going now.  She goes to take a shower, and Austin sees them being talked about on the television news.


Jack leaves The Underground to give the police their hot theory that Austin and Summer are probably running for the Canadian border.  I bet they haven’t thought of that!!  Sharon comes in.  Nick says if anything happens to Summer… he leaves it hanging, but we all know he’s going to blame Jack.


Nick talks about how he tried to raise his kids to make good decisions.  He wants to save Summer from bad guys, and dangit, he’s the bad guy for the paternity test lie.  Wow, he’s pulled his head out of his butt since yesterday, and blames himself instead of Jack, because he’s the one who started her life spiraling out control.  “NO,” states Sharon emphatically. “You’re not.”


Ian catches up with Mariah at Crimson Lights.  She fills him in about how Sharon is taking care of her messes now.  Ian’s really impressed.  He says she can probably get a lot more out of her than that.


Avery tells Leslie she feels guilty about Boz Foreman killing Austin’s mom.  Leslie tells her she did the right thing and gives her a hug.  She leaves.


Victoria comforts Nikki.  Blah blah blah Paul.


Stitch tells Dylan he has to finish all the physical and psych tests.  Dylan’s like, whoa, psych tests?  What if his liver has PTSD?  Stitch doesn’t think Dylan gets how serious this is, and asks him why he’s so eager to go under the knife.  “Is this about Sully?”  Omg, now we get another trip down backstory lane because Dylan feels guilty about not saving some guy named Sully from getting shot in Afghanistan.  So now he’s going to save Paul.  I thought feeling guilty for PAUL getting shot was enough.


Det. Harding tells Jack they found Summer’s car at the bus station.  Jack explains how to find a fugitive.  Yeah, they’re already doing that.  Harding gets it through to Jack that HE wants to catch Austin as bad as anyone does.


Nick talks more about he cheated both Jack and Summer, and that’s why she lost her sense of self.  He blames himself entirely.  Sharon says maybe she can help him.  The best cure for screwing up everyone’s lives is for him to move into the cottage with her.


Mariah doesn’t feel right using Sharon.  Ian thinks it would be healing for Sharon for Mariah to get a lot of money and services out of her.  Sharon’s desperate for a mother-daughter connection.  He says not to let her feelings about her own mom to get in the way.  Mariah admits it’s nice to feel cared about by Sharon.  Ian assures her she always has a place in his family.


Jenna is hesitant to commit to the over-smiling Billy and Chelsea.  Billy asks to use her phone and then searches her kitchen drawers.  Because I’m sure Stitch’s secret is mixed in with the batteries and measuring spoons.  Chelsea asks way too many questions about Max.  Jenna “suddenly remembers” he has a half day at school and says she has to leave. 


Chelsea keeps pushing, and tries to bond with Jenna over having little kids, and how her husband died, and all her dreams died, too.  Billy listens in the kitchen, looking a little sad, maybe because it’s HIS FAULT.  But probably not. 


Ian tries to buddy up to Leslie at the coffee shop.  He digs in about what happened to Avery.  He says it finally proves he wasn’t behind that, and what an upstanding citizen he is, with no agenda.  She says, “Lying really is just like breathing to you, isn’t it?”  He grins his wicked, little Ian grin.


Dylan tells Nikki, etc. it will be at least a day for them to decide if he can donate.   Jack shows up for no apparent reason, and they give him the lowdown.  He asks about Cricket.  Victoria says she’s in the chapel where no one’s bothered to find her and tell her about his gigantic development, because Nikki has it under control.  Ah, Jack wants to know what Avery knows about Austin Travers.  Obviously, Avery didn’t know jack shit about Austin.  Dylan warns Jack that bad things happen when you interfere with the cops, like getting your liver chopped out.


Summer comes out of the shower to discover Austin is gone.  The cops show up at the door with guns drawn.  “Don’t shoot!” cries Summer. 


Nick and Sharon talk about him moving in with her.  It’s a big step.  Blah blah.  Yeah, let’s do it.  Kiss kiss.  Mariah walks in on them, and Sharon says they’re just celebrating!  Like a normal person, Mariah thinks they found Summer!  Don’t be silly, they’re just celebrating shacking up again while people are missing and dying.  Mariah tries to be a good helper.  Nick gets a call from the police.  They found Summer!  He runs off.


Dylan and Avery go to Crimson Lights to wait for results.  Ian tries to chat them up, but they aren’t interested. He’s darn disappointed now that they know he was NOT the stalker.  The only thing that’s changed, says Dylan, is SOME good might come of Ian's miserable existence, for what he’s passed down to Dylan.  Oh, says Ian?  “Honor?  Decency?  A passion for doing the right thing?”  Haha.  NO, his rare blood type that makes Dylan a compatible donor for Paul.  Ian smirks.


Victoria leaves Billy a message to STOP trying to dig up dirt on Stitch, and that it’s no way to win her back.  “I mean it!”  Jack overhears, but Vicky’s like, whatever, you’re going to hear it all from Kelly anyway.  Jack says he can’t figure out what’s up with those two.  They discuss how Stitch and Kelly seem to tell each other a lot of shit.  Vicky doesn’t trust Kelly, but she’s glad Kelly ratted out Billy to Stitch.  Jack says once again, Billy thinks first and acts later.  Um…I guess they did this scene in one take. Billy acts first and thinks never.  “Why does he not realize the repercussions?” asks Vicky.  I think that’s covered under Overwhelming Stupidity.  Jack says he’s just trying to protect Victoria, and she says anything Stitch has done can’t hurt her any worse than Billy already has.


Jenna sympathizes with Chelsea over her dead husband.  Chelsea exploits her family tragedy to talk about being a single mom, hint hint.  Billy pretends he’s Sam Spade in the shadows.  Jenna says Max’s father didn’t die, but it might have been better if he had.  Chelsea asks why, and Jenna is like, I don’t want to talk about my ex-husband.  “He cheated on you, didn’t he!” exclaims Chelsea.  Um, no.  Chelsea’s overplaying her hand, claiming maybe he was abusive!!  Jenna’s like you gotta go, weird strangers.


Nick gets to the police station.  They found Summer in a motel on the Canadian border, without Austin, but she’s not talking.  “She’ll talk to ME,” says Nick.


Ian has a flashback to telling Dylan that he shouldn’t kill him, or he’ll never know some important secret.  Dylan, Leslie, and Avery discuss how only 1% of the population have Paul's blood type.  Avery thinks they should wait for Paul’s brothers to show up before Dylan commits to any liver chopping.  Leslie looks uncomfortable and leaves.  Dylan and Avery argue about him rushing into this.  He says she sounds like Stitch and the shrink at the hospital.  He has to save Paul’s life, and Avery asks, “What about your life?”


Stitch sees Nikki looking in Paul's window, and says it's hard to be on the outside looking in.  Nikki haughtily says “I have no intention of causing trouble between Paul and Cricket” even though she told you to leave earlier, and you’re hovering around his door.  He’s like, oh, you think that’s what I’M doing with Billy and Victoria?  Yep, Nikki’s above interfering in other people’s special marriage connections, and before she lets herself in Paul’s room without permission, she reminds Stitch about Billy and Victoria’s Special Connection, even IF that baby is Stitch’s. 


Summer whines to Nick about sending the cops after her when all she did was run away with a guy who shot the police chief.  Omg, Dad, you’re always DOING THIS!  She tells Nick that Austin is NOT dangerous, he’s just scared.  Nick yells at her, but she doesn’t know where Austin IS.  That’s because he’s just walked into the GC police station to turn himself in!  What kind of “on the run” story is this??  Booooo.  Nick attacks Austin, but Harding pulls him off, and arrests Austin.  Summer overhears them reading Austin’s rights over the phone.  "Nooooo!!!!" wails Summer.  IKR, Summer?  You were on the run for one f'ing day.  What a ripoff.


Jack finds Victoria again and says that they’ve found Summer, AND Victoria doesn’t have to worry about Billy, because CHELSEA will make sure he stays out of trouble.  Vicky’s like…Chelsea??  Yeah, that makes it all better.  Stitch overhears that Billy’s landed in Australia.


Chelsea sort of gets Jenna to agree to a follow up interview of insanely personal questions, and they leave.  Chelsea says she will get Jenna to talk for sure.  Jenna checks her phone and finds three missed calls from Ben.


Leslie approaches Ian and says, “He’s gonna figure it out, you know.”  Ian says, “That’s when the real fun begins.”  >:-]


Nikki practically lays on top of Paul and brags about how Dylan’s going to save his life.  She has a flashback to them being like seventeen and kissing.  His hair is FABULOUS.  She tenderly holds his hand because Paul and Nikki also have a Special Connection.  And Cricket is still in the chapel.

Edited by peach
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Nikki can’t wait to tell Cricket the good news about how she’s going to save Paul with her son, because she forgot about Cricket telling her to butt out an hour ago.

Man, that was something the way Nikki was holding court like Paul was her husband. I see five of Christine's fingers forcefully introducing themselves to Nikki's face sometime in the near future. Cricket may only be about 92 pounds soaking wet but she's wiry.


Summer whines to Nick about sending the cops after her when all she did was run away with a guy who shot the police chief. 

"Daaaaad, I hate it when you send the cops after my boyfriends!"

"Summer, I hate it when your boyfriends kidnap and shoot people! You're grounded!"

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Man, that was something the way Nikki was holding court like Paul was her husband. I see five of Christine's fingers forcefully introducing themselves to Nikki's face sometime in the near future. Cricket may only be about 92 pounds soaking wet but she's wiry.


LOL.  Yeah, my money's on the wiry one.  Nikki would be snatched baldheaded if I were Cricket.  Ugh, that was obnoxious.  And she was obnoxious to Stitch.  Whether she likes Stitch or not, why in the hell is she on Billyboy Abbott's side?  Over a pediatrician/liver surgeon?



Edited by peach
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Nikki cries because Paul’s her oldest friend.  They went skinny dipping, and ate ice cream, and joined cults!

Ahhhh, young love!



Is this about Sully?”  Omg, now we get another trip down backstory lane because Dylan feels guilty about not saving some guy named Sully from getting shot in Afghanistan.

Oh, don't forget about Ara, another person we never met and don't care about!



Cricket may only be about 92 pounds soaking wet but she's wiry.

She could also re-open one of the several murder cases involving Nikki.


Young Paul's hair was pretty awesome!

Edited by Snaporaz
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.Young Paul's hair was pretty awesome!

As opposed to now where it looks like one of Mitchell Sherman's old rugs.

What's with the liver obsession on this show anyhow?


We just had the Chance/Ronan Liver debacle not long ago.  No other organs will do?

Edited by Suby
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We just had the Chance/Ronan Liver debacle not long ago.  No other organs will do?


Maybe since they are running out of young Abbotts to kill, they need to focus on transplants that can use living donors?

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Peach, you deserve hazard pay for writing these recaps. Sometimes I can barely make it through one because this show is just so awful. I mean, if the writing is going to be nonsensical the writers could AT LEAST have the decency to not make it boring as well.

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Tue, June 17, 2014


Nikki has changed from red to royal blue, and talks to Victor about Paul’s situation.  I guess she’s moved back home?  Also, we’ve been ripped off of an epic hospital showdown they built up with Christine, to no end.  What’s new, right?  Nikki tells Victor how Paul and Dylan have the same blood type.  What a coincidence, he says, and they both look like maybe it’s not really a coincidence at all.


Dylan doesn’t understand why they can’t just get to the liver chopping right now.  Avery’s dressed to go clubbing in a black cutout dress and argues with Dylan over the huge risk of being a donor, even if it’s for St. Paul.  “I’m a dope,” says Dylan.  Ha.  She knows it’s selfish, but she’s really scared for him.


Lauren’s looking fly in a white blouse and skinny black jeans.  She brings coffee to a worried Christine.  She tells Lauren about a dream she had where Paul went away, but she had a child that brought him home. 


Lily brightens things up with a sorbet pink halter dress.  Cane wants to take her to Paris, but she can’t possibly go because Neil is dating a dangerous skank.  Cane thinks life is too short to hold a grudge, and Lily thinks life is too short to let your dad date a skank.  I can’t say I blame her, because Neil and Hilary would probably be married and knocked up by the time they got back.


Neil and Hilary are in bed, and she wants to get to work, and he wants to talk marriage proposals.   She calls it a marriage “blurt” instead of a proposal.  She keeps trying to get out of it, by saying she thinks it’s about Moses, but Neil doesn’t give a crap about any of that.  He has other reasons to ask her to marry him, mostly that Leslie married someone else.  “I love you,” he says.  I bet he doesn’t even know her favorite color or middle name.  But he’s ready to make this commitment to Hilary, just like he was with Leslie way back a few weeks ago.  He says his family doesn’t matter, and he doesn’t care what they think.  Humans are fairly interchangeable to him, Hilary.  Good luck with that.


Christine and Lauren talk about the liver transplant. Lauren says to have hope. 


Leslie approaches that nondescript doctor that isn’t Stitch because apparently, he’s her mysterious rush-to-the-altar husband, but we’re just supposed to assume that.  Why introduce a new character to the show properly or anything? So far, I’m wondering if maybe Neil wasn’t boring ENOUGH for Leslie.  Christine interrupts and asks for answers, but he doesn’t have any.  I need an answer as to why I am still watching this.


Dylan and Avery argue about their competing self-blame and the liver transplant.  He got through the war, he can get through this.  She is sick with worry.  At least one person cares what happens to Dylan.  He gets a call that the results are in.


Ah, Nikki is just “stopping by” the ranch.  Victor’s people have tracked down reluctant Willa Ward, and a henchman brings in her in.  Nikki and Victor pretty much treat Willa like crap while they demand to know if she knows anything about Ian.  If she does, they’ll pay her.  They blame her for not stopping Ian's horribleness.  Willa says she thought if only they had had children…and Mrs. Victor Newman asks haughtily if Willa really thought she could protect children from that man? 


Dr. and Mrs. Barton Shelby see Dylan at Crimson Lights.  Doc Bart tells Dylan he’s been rejected as a donor even though he’s a match, due to “other concerns.”  Craziness is my guess.  Does anyone even know this is Leslie’s husband?


Lily thinks Neil is vulnerable right now because Leslie dumped him and married Dr. Barton Shelby.  She worries that if he gets another rejection he’ll start drinking again.  Lily might need a 12 step program herself.  Cane tells her to trust her dad’s terrible judgment.


Hilary tells Neil that she always thought marriage happened to“other people,” like the “other” three people Neil’s already married.  He talks about his alcoholism, and Hilary says there is SO much about each other they don’t know.  Blah blah, let’s ride that rollercoaster.  He says they have a good foundation of TWO WEEKS to build upon!  She says it’s too soon.  He says all they have is right now, because he’s old.  She finally agrees, as usual.  YES!  YES, she’ll marry him!


Christine paces.  She reminisces with Lauren about the other time Paul almost died when Phyllis ran them down with a car.  Lauren cheers her up with lawyer jokes.  Blah blah babies.   The Ricky thing still tortures Paul.  Wouldn’t it be something if he had another adult son to replace him?  But Christine hopes to give him a new baby instead.


Doc Bart explains to Dylan that he’s disqualified from donating because of his war injuries, not his psych record.   It would be too taxing on his other organs to do the surgery.  Dylan could die.  He asks how much time Paul has to find another donor.  Just a matter of days.  Everyone is bummed out.


Willa Ward explains to Nikki and Victor that Ian can’t father children.  “That’s IMPOSSIBLE,” says icy Nikki.   Victor says, “Thennnn…why is he pretending to be Dylan’s father?”  He’s mystified, as that’s a plot he’s never tried.


Cane tells Lily she’s not helping or changing anything with all her angry tantrums.  Lily admits she heard Mattie bitching out her brother, and she could hear herself.   Even Lily is freaked out about what a bitch she’s turned into.   She doesn’t want to be that person.  Cane tells her she’s loving and compassionate, and not to give Hilary so much attention.  Besides, Cane says, he doesn’t think Neil and Hilary will be together that long.


But Neil wants to be with Hilary forever, and pulls out a giant engagement ring that he must have picked up at Lauren’s boutique on the way out of the club, because supposedly he just suddenly decided to propose to Hilary last night.  Or maybe it was Leslie’s!  Or maybe Neil just carries engagement rings around, because you never know when you’re going to meet your next soulmate.   Hilary loves it.  Neil claims he had to find a ring as unique as Hilary is.  Haha.  Blah blah, they’re engaged.


Nikki looks kind of stunned, and Willa insists they went to doctors and had tests.  Ian is not Dylan’s father.  Nikki’s got some ‘splainin’ to do.  Victor asks Willa why she didn’t tell Dylan in the first place?  To drag the story out, duh!  Blah excuses blah.  She takes the money and leaves. 


Victor says, “Well, I’llbedamned.”  He stares at Nikki.  “If Ian Ward isn’t Dylan’s father…then who is?”  Nikki shakes and stammers a LOT.  Then she promises that the only other person…that she was with…at the time…was Paul.   Victor just stares at her, like are you fucking kidding me?  Way to never bring THAT up before.


Leslie and Doc Bart, who has still never been referred to by name, talk about how sucky this liver situation is.  He has to get back to the hospital.  Neil and Hilary walk in.  “Neil!” says Leslie. They all stare at each other.  Leslie finally says, “I’d like you to meet Dr. Barton Shelby.  My husband.”  Oh, I see, we had to wait for NEIL to get an introduction.  Dr. Barton Shelby looks at Neil, like, THIS is the guy?  Whatever.  Neil gives Barton the judgy up and down thing.  Hilary looks smugly accusing, which, why?  This is how you got that rock on your finger.


Neil says, “My man,” when he shakes Barton’s hand.  Neil says they have something in common:  Paul Williams is his good friend, and Barton’s his surgeon!  HOW the hell would Neil even know that?  Also, since when does Neil care about Paul, or anything besides locking down Hilary?  He and Hilary walk away, and Barton starts laughing.  I like him already.  Leslie was dreading this moment, but Barton thinks it was no big deal, I mean…it was just Neil.  Leslie says, “Unless he’s trying to prove something to me.”


Neil and Hilary talk about their mythical jobs, and engage in some gross PDA, while Leslie and Barton look on from across the room.  Barton’s like, I guess Neil needed a fling to move on.  Leslie stares down Hilary, who looks over her shoulder like the cat that swallowed the canary.  Only the canary is desperate, jive talking Neil.


“How is this possible?” whispers Nikki.  Well, see, Nikki, when the sperm meets the egg…   Victor suggests that Willa could be lying to get money.  Nikki grabs on to that, yes, that could be true, it’s probably Ian’s idea. Like it would somehow be BETTER if Ian was Dylan’s father?  What?  Victor says the question is, why would Ian want Dylan to believe that lie?  WHICH LIE?  The lie that he’s Dylan’s father, or the new lie you just made up that he isn’t his father.  This is turning into Lieception.  Nikki definitely looks confused.  Look, either you slept with Paul before you got pregnant, or you didn’t.  How did they BOTH forget about that when they were searching for Dylan?


Dylan hates that he can’t help Paul.  “I know what I have to do.”


Victor says, “The question is, why should we trust a woman who was defending Ian Ward and still has feelings for him?”  They talk in a weird drawn out way about finding out if it's true.  Dylan calls Nikki and asks to meet her at the club.  She hangs up and starts freaking out.  If Ian ISN’T Dylan’s father, how on earth is she going to tell him??  How about with balloons and a cake, because it’s pretty damn good news.  She cries and Victor comforts.


Hilary chats up Leslie.  She says, well, your new husband seems…nice.  Leslie notices the ring.  Hilary loves that.  She smugly says contrary to what Leslie said last time, she’s not going to HURT Neil, she’s going to MARRY him.  Well, that makes Leslie a LOT less suspicious.


Just as Cane and Lily have finished exorcising Lily’s bitch demon and returning her to sanity, Neil comes barging in, because he has something to tell them.  First, Lily humbly apologizes for her behavior, and says he can make his own choices, and that all her anger came from concern for him.  He greatly appreciates that.  This is going to be good.  He’s so glad she’s come to terms with his relationship with Hilary, because they are gettin’ married!  And Cane and Lily are the first to know!!  They just kind of freeze.  Cane recovers first and says congratulations while Lily looks like she might shatter into a million pieces.   God love her, she holds her tongue, until she manages also to say congratulations.  Her eyes say something else. 


Victor fills in a henchman about Ian Ward being sterile.  The henchman says there should be documented medical proof that he can find.  Yeah, do that.  Because a DNA test would be way too complicated.  Victor wants the henchman to keep digging after that, because there is more to this than meets the eye.  He wants to know what Ian is up to.


Nikki meets Dylan at the club.  He tells her the doctor ruled him out as a donor.  Nikki’s distracted.


Dr. Shelby tells Christine the bad news.  He’s sorry.  She cries.


Nikki stares at Dylan oddly enough to concern him.  “Is there something else going on?” he asks.   She keeps staring and says she’s just worried.  She should be worried about being able to compute a period of nine months.

  • Love 5
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I wonder what someone who didn't watch the show would think if they read these recaps.  They'd probably think that peach was just exaggerating the shittiness of this show.  But no, peach always captures the shittiness in all its glory!


Hillary's behavior with Leslie now has me suspicious of her motives.  Thank gods, because if she's sincere about marrying Neil, that would just be gross and boring.

  • Love 5
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How did they BOTH forget about that when they were searching for Dylan?

That's what so ridiculous about this mess. The whole thing is hanging on coincidental evidence derived from Paul's mad detectivating skillz (plus the fact that Ian was willing to support the lie to his hoped for financial advantage). Just like with Jack and Summer, and Devon and Tucker, nobody gets DNA tests done unless the kid involved is a baby. It's not smart. The entire Newman, Abbott, and Chancellor clans need to go on the Maury show and find out once and for all who is and is not the father.


Her eyes say something else.

Yeah and Cane expressed some doubt too after Neil walked away. I think he was referring to Devon's unrevealed interest in Hilary. That combined with Dr. Barton's dismissal of it as a mere fling makes me think maybe the wedding isn't going to come off. I just hope Leslie isn't going to get jealous and try to break them up.

Edited by Joimiaroxeu
  • Love 2
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Wed, June 18, 2014  It Was Tequila Night


Victor visits the hospital and asks Stitch about Dylan being a donor.  Stitch is always happy to violate HIPAA rules and explains how Dylan’s combat injuries make it too dangerous.  Victor asks how he can help.  “Donate a new wing and get a liver?  Not this time,” says Stitch.


Kelly rushes into Crimson Lights and notices Victoria.  She apologizes and says she’s just getting coffee and will leave.  But Victoria wants to talk to her about Stitch.  Kelly looks like a deer in the headlights.


Chelsea talks to Anita on the phone about Connor.  She’s missed him getting a new tooth because she’s running around the world with Billyboy Abbott.  He arrives, and I guess he’s still going with the fedora.  He wants to hurry up so they can manipulate an innocent woman some more.  He pulls the string in his neck and rants about how he’s not going to let Stitch [have] hurt Victoria.


Jack and Nick bluster around in the police station while Summer is being interviewed behind closed doors.  Nick’s worried they might charge her as an accessory.  Jack acts intelligent and sane.  Avery’s boobs come rushing in.  A cop walks by with Austin in cuffs.  Nick goes apeshit and starts screaming and pushing Austin.  Jack warns him not to do anything to get the charges tossed.  The cop says Austin made a full confession.  Avery’s attorney ears don’t like that, and the cop says he waived his right to counsel.  Omg.  Avery wants to speak to him.  She goes in an interrogation room, and Austin can’t look her in the eye.  Summer comes rushing out and is desperate to know if Austin is okay.  Jack and Nick are like, oh, great.


Nikki is still freaky staring at Dylan at the GCAC.  He knows she’s keeping something from him.  Okay, okay.  Victor found Willa Ward.  Dylan asks if she talked, or if she’s still playing games.  Nikki stares.


Jack wants to know where the hell the lawyer he hired for Summer is.  Oh, Summer told him to go because they aren’t charging her with anything.  Geez, Summer.  They want to take her home, but she can’t GO.  She can’t GO until she knows how Austin is.  They inform her he’s in a cell where he belongs.  Summer is crushed, you guys.  Jack and Nick try to explain how awful Austin is, but that’s because they don’t KNOW HIM.


Avery and her cleavage sit down with Austin.  He asks how Paul is.  He’s wracked with guilt.  She believes him, but he’s confused.  He’s like, I confessed.  Why are you still here?


Nikki and Dylan talk about Willa and Ian, but not what she said, because we have 40 minutes to go.  Dylan would still like to donate, and Nikki says he can’t trade his life for Paul’s!  And she’s not planning on losing either one of them.  They’ll trade some other schmoe’s life.


Victor explains to Stitch that there’s allllways a solution to these problem, and the Newmans think Paul is great, so he really should save his life, K?  Stitch is awed.  He says, “This is how you raised Victoria, isn’t it?  Complete support.”  AHAHAHA.  Yeah, like when he had her arrested on her wedding day.  Victor says that Stitch may not have heard that he loves his kids and grandkids more than anything else, K?  He spills it that he knows Stitch might be the father of Vicky’s baby.  Stitch is shocked, but ole Victor knows everything as part of his “complete support.”  He prefers that Stitch the war vet/pediatrician/liver surgeon be the father over that degenerate, hopeless alcoholic, Billy Abbott.  Stitch is like, word!


Victoria goes off to Kelly about the lying and covering up.  Kelly’s thinks she means Stitch, and is glad Victoria  finally knows.  Then she figures out Victoria means BILLY.  Ugh, yeah, that Billy! Vicky thanks her for warning Stitch about what Billy’s up to.  Kelly hints that Billy might actually find something out about Stitch.  What Victoria wants to know is why Kelly would warn Stitch when she doesn’t even like him.  Why say anything at all?  Kelly looks super uncomfortable.


Billy and Chelsea get to Jenna’s and gush about their documentary.  Jenna says you mean the one that doesn’t exist.  Since she isn’t completely stupid, she called the phone number on their business card, and super amazing con artist Chelsea used the number of a deli in New York.  So they better tell her what it is they really want.


Chelsea plays dumb, so Jenna tells them to GET OUT.  Chelsea, says, wait! They’re  human rights workers looking into exploitation of expats.  Jenna’s like, seriously??  This is the best you can do?  Why did you lie your way into my home?  I think I might let the cops ask that question.  Billy breaks down and admits they’re there because Stitch lied his way into Billy’s home.  Why not just say that in the first place, Maverick?  Chelsea takes off her fake glasses, but Billy's sticking with the hat. Jenna says she and Stitch are divorced, so she doesn’t care what he does.  Billy says her kid might have a baby brother or sister coming.  He says he knows it isn’t safe for his family or even Stitch’s own baby to be around him.  So tell him what Stitch did!!


Kelly warily watches Victoria while she tries to figure out WHAT the deal is between her and Stitch.  Kelly’s saved by Stitch walking up right then.  Heeey, Stitch, you and Victoria need to talk!  She retires to the counter (and watches), and Stitch tells Victoria about the great conversation he had with Victor, about how much better Stitch is than Billy.  Victoria is amused, but thinks Victor sees what she sees.  And yeah, it’s time for them to talk.  And then, DYLAN runs up and interrupts.  It CAN’T WAIT because they’re running out of time!


Nikki’s back at the ranch.  She tells Victor she just couldn’t tell Dylan the truth, because he will suffer knowing he can’t help Paul.  Victor’s like, see how much better it is to keep secrets from your loved ones??  This is just so equivalent to covering up vehicular manslaughter or using a fake dead kid to drive a woman crazy that Nikki has to AGREE.  Well, she can’t AGREE, but she CAN see his point of view.  Whatever.


They just don’t know if Willa is telling the truth, and Nikki can’t upend Dylan’s life on a “maybe.”  Victor says nice things about Dylan, and that he inherited all his good traits from her.  She asks if this means he accepts Dylan as her son.  He says, sweetheart, whether he accepts him or not, she’s still his mother.  So…no?  Their lines have been so convoluted lately I’m just starting to hear how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?


Dylan’s all up in Stitch’s face about not letting him be a donor.  Stitch knows his medical history, and it’s a disaster.  Dylan doesn’t even have a spleen.  Well he has a liver, dammit, so chop it out of him!  Dylan thinks it should be HIS choice, but the doctor gets a choice too!  Stitch reminds him again that Paul is NOT that Sully guy.  SOMEHOW, they get completely off topic and Stitch lets it drop that he might have gotten Victoria pregnant.  O.M.G.  Dylan is like are you KIDDING ME?  That’s my sister!  Stitch hilariously says, look, it was a tequila night!  Shit happens!  But he really cares about Victoria!  Dylan thought Stitch was going to back off, but Stitch says nope, he is NOT.  Victoria smiles from her table, and Dylan shakes his head.


Nick tells Summer she is going to one of her homes.  She has her arms folded, and she is not going ANYWHERE until she finds out how Austin is.  She is totally about to get grounded.  Kelly calls Jack, and he pours out his heart about Summer and this delinquent.  She comforts him.


Nick keeps trying to talk sense into Summer.  She suggests he go with Jack because HE knows how to back off!!  They argue about who Austin really is.  Shooting Paul was an ACCIDENT!!  Nick doesn’t care, he is just so grateful things “didn’t get out of hand between you two.”  Summer is silent because things got way, way out of hand.


Avery tells Austin he needs to think of his rights and at least get a public defender.  He is so committed to his hatred of defense attorneys putting people back on the streets that he refuses to be put back on the streets.  He asks Avery if she REALLY believed Boz Foreman was innocent.


Nick says he knows he hurt Summer in the worst possible way, and he’s sorry.  He says her mother would kill him if he didn’t intervene.  Summer reminds him of Phyllis (??) and he doesn’t want her to be hurt anymore.


Victoria is on to Dylan trying to still be donor.  Stitch says the answer is still no.  He has to get back to the hospital, and Vicky kisses him goodbye.  Dylan is like, really?  Kelly catches him on the way out, and says he has GOT to tell Vicky the truth.  Stitch says he keeps trying and dumbasses keep interrupting him!  She says he better tell her before someone else does, which will be awful.


Dylan chats with Victoria and says, well, whoever is the father, he is the uncle!  He’s excited about that and all his other new nieces and nephews.  Aww.


Jenna doesn’t care about Billy’s bullshit, but says to tell his wife GOOD LUCK with Stitch.  Billy pushes more, and you know how irresistible he is when he gets all relentless in someone’s face.  Jenna is like, GET OUT.  Billy says, wait, at least tell us about Kelly!  What is up with Kelly?  Jenna’s like…Kelly?  SHE’S there??  What did she tell you?  Chelsea asks if Kelly is why Jenna and Stitch broke up.


Billy and Chelsea try to play therapist with Jenna.  I’m loving this chick because she thinks they're stupid.  She says, look, you’re here because your wife doesn’t want you anymore.  Leave her alone!  Chelsea fast talks that Jenna’s really just talking to Stitch when she says that, because of Kelly, right??  Jenna says Kelly isn’t innocent, but Ben..and his lies..  ugh.  Billy’s like, WHAT LIES?!  Why are you protecting him??  FOR HER KID, you damn moron (that’s peach talking).  She is so done with Billy Abbott.  She’s like GET OUT, and by GET OUT, she means, you know actually GET OUT!  She threatens to call the police and Goose and Maverick refuse to leave this woman’s house until she actually starts calling the cops.  “Victoria is my whole life,” says weirdo stranger in the dumb hat on the way out the door, like Jenna is supposed to care.


Kelly tells Stitch that Billy will be back soon, and this isn’t going away.  And what about Jack?  Stitch is one of the few working citizens in town, and he has to wait until his shift is over, and he has time to make Victoria understand.  Kelly asks if he thinks she WILL understand.  Jenna calls!


Nikki is so proud that Victor’s changed his opinion of Dylan.  He’s a decent fellow, but Victor’s not going to hang out with him or anything.  He just thinks it’s pretty cool that he’s willing to donate an organ.  Nikki says life is about the people you love, and she’s been a’thinking.  She’s thought about Sharon, and she can’t forgive him for that.  Victor says he doesn’t care if she forgives him for that or not.  Like, how ridiculous.   Okay, well as long he knows she's not forgiving him, she loves him and wants to spend more time with him.


“Yes or no?” asks Austin.  Did Avery really think that scum she defended was innocent?  Well, yes.  We get some boring backstory about how she became a defense attorney because of someone she thought was wrongly convicted.  It turns out she was wrong that time, though.  Lol!  Austin’s like, SEE!  Geez, way to make your case, Avery.  But the actually guilty person was her father, so it was different, omg, why are they talking about this?  Blah blah, his rage isn’t bringing his mother back, it’s just keeping him in that chair.


Summer is all teary in the outer room.  She wishes she could be with Austin.  She says she’s the only person that cares about him.  Nick’s like, oh, yeah, well does he care about YOU?  Because taking you on the run with him was selfish as hell, which of course was really all Summer’s fault.


Avery tries to reason with Austin some more, but he’s digging his heels in. He says he’s confessed, so why can’t Avery?  Summer manages to bust through the door and sit down with Austin.  Avery looks at her like what in the ever loving hell is wrong with you?  Austin says she should NOT be there, but it’s exactly where Summer thinks she should be.  They stare at each other with tortured eyes.


Dylan and Victoria enjoy cookies and conversation about her crazy situation.  She appreciates him not judging her.  He’s not going to offer opinions, he just wants things to work out the best way possible for HER. Dylan's a pretty great brother.


Billy and Chelsea recap what Jenna said.  Billy doesn’t quite understand why everyone doesn’t want to make his problems their problems.  They decide Kelly is the key, so they should dig into HER past now.  Billy thinks that’s awesome, I mean, who cares if it’s his brother’s girlfriend, let's meddle in HER life.


Jenna tells Stitch how Billy and Chelsea used faked names and lied.  She knows about Victoria and the baby.  Stitch says HE will tell Victoria the truth.  Jenna does NOT want that.  He lied to Jenna; he can lie to the new love of his life.  She moved away to prevent Max from being tainted by what Stitch did.  If he tells Victoria, she might tell people, and it might get out after all.   She says to keep his disgusting past to himself, or next time she’ll move away and never tell him where they are.


Nick fumes about Summer being hung up on Austin.  Jack says maybe she’s just saying goodbye.  Summer tries to convince Avery to defend him.


Nikki says she loves Victor,so what is she doing not being with him? She wants to come home, if that’s okay.  Ugh.  Of course it’s okay, because Victor [wins] misses her.  They hug.  Screw you, Sharon, Cassie, Nick, Faith, and Noah.

  • Love 9
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This is the first time we've actually seen Con Artist Extraordinaire Chelsea in action, and, uhhh, o-kay...Those were the lamest cover stories, the lamest disguises, the lamest "Plan B" I've ever seen.  And they walked away empty handed!  

  • Love 3
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That's what so ridiculous about this mess. The whole thing is hanging on coincidental evidence derived from Paul's mad detectivating skillz (plus the fact that Ian was willing to support the lie to his hoped for financial advantage).

Yes, Paul, who with said skillz failed to "uncover" the fact that he slept with Nikki 9 months before Dylan's birth *eyeroll*

  • Love 1
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if that’s okay

Ugh, that's what grinded my gears most about their whole conversation. Victor is the one who did the wrong but Nikki practically has to apologize to him and ask for permission to return to her home? WTF? Nikki is a classic emotionally abused wife but the show plays it like theirs is the greatest romance of all time. It's disgusting.


I FF'd so much of this episode and the previous one that it actually took me longer to read Peach's ever fabulous recaps than it did to watch the shows.

  • Love 4
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Hey how about Avery and Leslie's boobapalooza at Crimson Lights?  They need to come up with a new name for their law firm. 

The Wrongfully Exposed

4 Boobs 4 U

Mammary and Mammary

Justice and Cleavage for All

Ebony and Ivory TaTas

Genoa City Gazongas

Ample Attorneys at Law

Edited by Suby
  • Love 11
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The Wrongfully Exposed

4 Boobs 4 U

Mammary and Mammary

Justice and Cleavage for All

Ebony and Ivory TaTas

Genoa City Gazongas

Ample Attorneys at Law



Suby, these are all gold. lol.

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Hey how about Avery and Leslie's boobapalooza at Crimson Lights?  They need to come up with a new name for their law firm. 

The Wrongfully Exposed

4 Boobs 4 U

Mammary and Mammary

Justice and Cleavage for All

Ebony and Ivory TaTas

Genoa City Gazongas

Ample Attorneys at Law

Bwahahaha! Nice! May I submit the following:

Busty Barristers

Really Chesty Representation

Luscious Lawyers, Attorneys at Law

Super Stacked Solicitors

Great Racks and Gavels

Breast Legal Team in the Midwest

  • Love 7
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Thurs, June 19, 2014


Chelsea chastises Billy for being such an idiot to tip off Kelly about their trip to Australia. He’s taken off the stupid fedora but has a serious case of hat hair.    Billy’s sure that there’s more to the Kelly/Stitch connection than some kind of affair and they have to dig it up to find enough dirt to bury Stitch.


Kelly notices that Stitch’s conversation with Jenna didn’t go well.  She’s shocked to learn that if Stitch tells Victoria ANYTHING, he will never see his son again.  She can’t believe Jenna would resort to that kind of blackmail, which is ultimately Kelly’s fault. Way to go, Kelly.


Abby finds Victoria at Crimson Lights and CAN’T BELIEVE Victoria hasn’t told everyone with sky writing that she’s preggers.  Vicky reminds her of her miscarriage history, but THE Abby Abbott Newman scoffs at that, because Abbotts have strong genes.  She thinks Billy must be ecstatic, and Vicky’s forced yet again to tell someone that Billy might not be the father.  Abby realizes that Stitch Rayburn is the other candidate.  She asks Vicky who SHE wants the father to be.


Christine begs Paul to come back to her. The guy from L.A. Law who’s a priest now enters.  Christine falls into his arms. 


Nick and Jack talk about how they both dropped the ball on Summer getting involved with adorable, sad Austin.


Avery has to explain to Summer how the VICTIM isn’t the best person to defend Austin.


Father Todd is distressed that he can’t be the donor for Paul.  He keeps asking what God’s plan is.  Christine says what if the plan is for Paul to die?  Father Todd sounds like a kung fu voice over, which is really weird.  They can’t give up on Paul.


Mariah and Noah argue about how much supervision she needs in the bar.  Mariah’s a little annoyed that he’s watching HER instead of his sort of sister who was trying to leave the country with a dude that shot the police chief. 


Summer whines and cries about how Austin doesn’t deserve to be locked up at all, and his victim would be the perfect person to get him free.  Even Austin thinks Summer’s an idiot, and is like, yo, I KIDNAPPED HER AT GUNPOINT.  Summer doesn’t care because Austin’s not a bad person.  Austin laments not having someone as stupid as Summer in his life before all this.  The police take him away while Avery holds Summer back.  The cop is only taking Austin out to the office where he’s handcuffed to a desk so Jack and Nick can tag team Austin with steely eyes and threatening posture.


Stitch tells Kelly he has no choice but to keep quiet. Kelly nags Stitch for giving in to Jenna, even though she’s the one who made Jenna hate Stitch in the first place.  She thinks Stitch should take Jenna to court. Which Stitch says he can’t do, because of what he did.  This goes round in a really frustrating circle.  Basically, Kelly won’t keep his secret from Jack even if it costs him his little boy, because Kelly is way more selfish than Stitch even if he is a killer of some sort.  Stitch’s only consolation is that Billy’s still empty handed.


Chelsea and Billy use their mad internet skillz to look for information on Kelly online.  Seems like they could have done this from home.  Billy whines about how he doesn’t remember any details about Kelly, but he can go on and on about Victoria.  Blah blah so in love with Victoria blah, and Chelsea gets all maudlin and now it’s her turn to kiss Billy for NO REASON WHATSOEVER.  Just no, show.  No.


Abby judges Victoria for not automatically wanting stupid Billy to be the father of her baby.  Victoria points out Stitch’s good points and Billy’s loser ones.  That doesn’t mean anything to Abby, because she insists Victoria is crazy in love with Billy.  No, show, no!  Just because you say it, doesn’t make it so.


Billy pulls away from Chelsea. He doesn’t get it, along with the rest of us.  They aren’t even drinking this time, he says.  Chelsea says it must be because his boring speech made her think about how crazy in love she was with Adam.  She fast talks about Adam and apple pie and his favorite color (which was BLUE, of course).  They bicker about Adam’s wonderfulness.  Billy asks how they’re going to deal with this kiss.  Vom like the rest of us, Billy.


Father Todd and Christine talk about Paul, and Father Todd’s awesome comforting abilities.  Christine leaves and Father Todd talks about how great Paul is, and that they can’t lose him.


Jack and Nick lecture Austin about how they know who he really is, and they aren’t dumb suckers like Summer.  Austin says he’s really sorry he brought Summer into any of it, because she is really, really dumb.  A cop takes him away.


Summer is still begging Avery to defend the guy who kidnapped her.  Avery’s getting a migraine. She’s like what the hell IS IT about this guy?  Summer cries and says wasn’t there something special when she met Dylan?  Well, I guess so, since she was married at the time.  Summer blathers on about how she knows Austin is The One, and Avery asks just how far it went with him.  “Far,” breathes Summer, and her two dads walk in.


Victoria admits that she does still love Billy, and Abby thinks the problem is solved then.  Like the rest of GC, Abby thinks Stitch can just disappear and idiot Billy can just be the father.  Also, she’s wearing one of the ugliest necklaces I’ve ever seen.  They argue about baby daddies, and trust, and Tyler, and stalkers.


Noah is all indignant that Mariah would talk about Summer.  She says she’s not throwing shade, just pointing out the double standard.  Noah gets a little spooked how much she looks like Cassie, but he’s not going to give in and like her or trust her or anything, or let her compare herself to perfect, stupid Summer.


Jack and Nick want to take Summer to one of her homes, but she doesn’t need a babysitter, thanks.  Avery offers to take her home with her.  They all agree.  The menfolk leave, and then Summer admits that she and Austin totally did it.


Christine introduces Father Todd to Stitch.  Stitch is a great doctor and not a killer or anything because he brought coffee to Christine.  She walks away, and Father Todd instantaneously discerns that Stitch is troubled by deep, dark secrets and needs to confess to feel better.  I mean, dying Paul can wait for his doctor to unburden his soul to his brother.


Chelsea’s embarrassed about kissing stupid Billy and wants to forget about it, as do I.  He’s pretty forgetful, so that’s okay with him.  He suddenly remembers Kelly’s husband’s name was Dean, so they look up Dean Andrews.  They get a link that really upsets Billy.  It’s a site for poor deceased Sam, and Billy can’t take it.  He doesn’t want to look up clues if it’s going to be things like this.  Guess he should have thought of that before he started searching for online information about someone in his GRIEF SUPPORT GROUP.  He’ll just have to go straight to the source instead, which he totally could have done instead of flying to AUSTRALIA.  And around and around we go.


The source is having dinner with Jack, talking about how great it is they found Summer.  He digs a little about Kelly knowing Stitch.  He asks why she would warn him about Billy.


Stitch isn’t anxious to spill his sordid past to some priest he met 15 seconds ago, but he’ll keep it in mind.


Avery is trying to be cool about Summer losing her virginity to Avery’s kidnapper.  Summer says they did use protection because she’s not stupid “about these things.”  Just all the other things.  Avery tries to explain what Austin’s done, but Summer makes it all about her… sure someone else’s mom died, and someone else was kidnapped, and someone else is dying right now, but hasn’t SHE suffered enough???


Nick checks in with Noah, and Mariah asks how Summer is, and they give her a bunch of shit for even asking.  Nick says she’s got the job, and he won’t fire her unless she gives him a reason.  Abby comes strutting in and says “I’m your reason.”  Mariah rolls her eyes.


Abby can’t believe Nick “even hired this Skankarella in the first place.”  Nick says it’s so she can pay Sharon back the money she owes her.  Abby goes on an amazing rant and even Nick has this look of horror and wonder on his face, while Mariah insists she’s made peace with Sharon and tried to with Abby.  Abby says Mariah might have Cassie’s angel face but a piece of trash will always look like garbage!  Mariah launches herself at Abby and starts yanking her hair, but Nick pulls her off.  Abby barely misses a beat and screams she’ll make damn sure she doesn’t fool anyone else in this town.


Kelly makes like it’s no big deal, she just ran into Stitch, and it just came up in casual conversation, I guess kind of like Victoria’s pregnancy issues did in the park.  Kelly doesn’t want to take sides.  Jack is fine with that, but lets her know that if it comes to taking sides, he will ALWAYS take Billy’s.


Father Todd really got to Stitch, who has wandered into the hospital chapel.  He’s all torn up and choking on tears.  He doesn’t regret his actions, though he’s sorry he’s hurt people…but God knows what he did, and why he did it.  And then Victoria walks in.  What are the frigging odds?


Christine and Father Todd pray together for Paul.


Kelly expects Jack to take his own brother’s side, but she and Billy have a dicey history, so she’d rather keep her nose out of it.  “And a lovely nose it is,” says Jack, so he’s sufficiently distracted.  She thinks they should pick up where they left off when the police had to call him about dumb Summer, which was in her bed with the lovely sheets.  He agrees.


The cop is just walking Austin in circles around the police station and brings him back into the interrogation room.  He can’t believe Summer is STILL there, she needs to walk away.  Avery says Summer isn’t going to do that because she had sex with him once.   And neither is Avery, because Summer is a spoiled brat.


Nick lectures Mariah about how she has to earn everyone’s respect.  Abby comes back in and Mariah apologizes for messing with her extensions.  Ha.  Abby yells that she doesn’t HAVE extensions, but is interrupted by Noah asking where his wallet is!  Nick glares at Mariah.


Billy’s booked them on the next flight out of Australia because there’s nothing as fun as a 36 hour stay across the globe.  He thanks Chelsea and hugs her.


Victoria’s just in the chapel to say a prayer for Paul.  She politely asks Stitch to get it out in the open and just say whatever it is he’s been trying to tell her.  He’s at a loss, and then just tells her he really loves her, and doesn’t want to lose her.

  • Love 7
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Basically, Kelly won’t keep his secret from Jack even if it costs him his little boy, because Kelly is way more selfish than Stitch even if he is a killer of some sort. 

Kelly is such an instigator. Gah!


He’ll just have to go straight to the source instead, which he totally could have done instead of flying to AUSTRALIA. 

On top of all his other fails, Billy has a bad carbon footprint.

  • Love 6
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Basically, Kelly won’t keep his secret from Jack even if it costs him his little boy, because Kelly is way more selfish than Stitch even if he is a killer of some sort.


I want Smelly and Stench to be involved in a murder-suicide so bad.

  • Love 2
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Fri, June 20, 2014


Victor’s henchman is at the ranch, telling him that Willa Ward made no contact with Ian when she left.  Nikki comes in with her bags, and there is hugging and mmming and ahhing like she’s been away at a spa instead of leaving her husband for destroying their family.  She asks Henchman if he found any proof that Ian isn’t Dylan’s father.


Dylan, meanwhile, has tracked Ian down at the club and asks him for a favor.  Ian says it’s his life’s work to help people better their lives.  Dylan says to prove it and save Paul’s life.  Ian looks like, whoa, not like that.


Michael challenges Father Todd to make God make Paul get better.


Noah accuses Mariah of stealing his wallet that he left behind the bar.  Well, why the hell was your wallet behind the bar, Noah?  That’s on you.  Mariah denies touching it, and Abby calls her a thief, and literally makes it about her.  “You steal from my family, and you steal from me!”  Sharon walks in and wants to know WHAT is going on.  Noah again accuses Mariah of stealing and that she’s just using Sharon to get what she wants.


Neil and Hilary sweet talk in the park.  She really is pretty when she genuinely smiles.  Hilary wants to wait on setting a wedding date.  Neil, of course, thinks they should get married right this instant.  You think I’m kidding?


Devon instructs his staff that carding for senior citizen discounts is tacky.  Just give’em the damn discount, okay?  Devon’s not going broke or anything.  Cane wonders if Devon is usurping Lily’s manager authority with such declarations because this show is f’ing GRIPPING when it comes to business intrigue.  Cane gives Devon the crappy news that Neil and Hilary are getting married.


Devon is like WWWWTTTFFFF?  He wants to know what Lily said, and Cane totally burns him by saying Lily took it better than he is.  Cane goes on to give horrible life advice and says Devon missed out on Hilary because he "waited too long."  I guess Devon was supposed to know his dad would move in on that and get engaged to her in two weeks time. But according to Cane, if Devon doesn’t want Hilary to be his stepmom, he better [be humiliated] speak now or forever hold his peace.  Either Cane is a sadist, or this is just his plan to wreck the Neilary train.


Leslie is chatting with Avery at Crimson Lights.  She knows she sounds like a massive hypocrite, but she thinks it’s ridiculous that Neil is marrying Hilary.  AVERY thinks Leslie IS a hypocrite and lost the right to speak on this when she broke Neil’s heart.  Leslie’s like, hey, she didn’t MEAN to hurt Neil, but Hilary DID!  Avery asks if she has second thoughts about Neil, which she does NOT just because she cares about what happens to him.  She loves Barton, duh.  Avery admits she’s glad Dylan can’t be Paul’s donor because she doesn’t want him to risk his life, even for Paul.


Ian asks why Dylan doesn’t want to be the big hero for Paul.  Dylan tells him that his body can’t handle the surgery.   He believes that Ian probably has the same blood type and can save Paul himself.  Ian says he’s sorry, but he can’t help, and scurries away.


Nikki wails to Victor that they don’t have proof that Ian isn’t Dylan’s father.  Victor will take care of it, darling, don’t stress out.


Mariah might have been a thief, but she isn’t frigging stupid.  Why would she steal her babysitter’s wallet?  Nick says she’s done a lot worse things for money.  Sharon defends her, and Abby goes off on Mariah some more.  Sharon’s like, I’m PAYING her rent, etc, she doesn’t have a reason to steal.  Sharon’s wearing a fantastic color block dress, btw.  Noah wants to call the cops and report it. 


Neil must think Hilary is going to turn into a pumpkin at midnight, because he knows a judge who owes him a favor, and he’s going to call him right f’ing now to come over and marry them in the park.  Like right NOW now.  Hilary is shocked.  “I know it’s crazy, but why not?” asks Neil. Because it is actually crazy, Neil.  Leslie’s not going to beat him in the quickie wedding department, though.  He brings up Paul and how all they have is today, especially when you’re old like Neil. 


He backs off, all fake like, and says he gets it, she has her little girl dream of a [normal] big wedding day, and he can give his sugar baby that, he CAN.  Reverse psychology always works wonders on Hilary, and she says dreams change, and all she really needs is him.  That’s right, Hilary, let him talk you out of anything and everything you ever thought.  That’s true love.  (Does this show know that their epic romance here has every single hallmark of an abusive relationship?  THESE ARE ALL RED FLAGS, LADIES.  Just in case anyone reading this is unaware of that.)


Meanwhile Cane is still telling Devon he better go tell Hilary how he feels about her before Neil makes it permanent.   Better hurry, Devon, you have about 15 minutes.  Devon says so you think I should go behind my father’s back and try to steal his woman from him?  Cane’s like, yeah!  He didn’t say it would be fun, just that it needs to be done.  Devon is pretty serious about minding his own business, but Cane keeps stirring the pot, insisting that Devon will always wonder “what if” if he doesn’t go make everyone uncomfortable for many Christmases to come.


Avery  spills it to Leslie that she’s going to represent Austin at least temporarily, for Summer’s sake.  Leslie is like, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING??  Avery shouldn’t even be TALKING to Austin.  Leslie knows Summer is [a spoiled little brat] very persuasive, but this is every kind of wrong.  Leslie, defender of Ian Ward, says that Austin Travers is GUILTY.  Avery makes it a point to defend people she believes in , so there.  Leslie says this is all about Avery’s guilt over Boz Foreman killing Austin’s mom, and Avery doesn’t deny it.  Dylan strolls up and tells them about asking Ian to donate some liver to Paul.  Leslie, um, ah, she, um has somewhere to be. 


Father Todd has coaxed a reluctant Michael into the chapel.  Michael admits his whole family has made a big bunch of mistakes, and if it weren’t for Paul they’d probably all be behind bars.  Father Todd talks about what a generous little boy Paul was.  Michael says saving Lauren’s life multiple times has kept him busy over the years.  Then Michael acts like a big jerk and taunts Father Todd about God and Paul maybe dying.  Because Father Todd doesn’t have feelings, Michael, that’s okay.  Father Todd takes it, though, and after he leaves, Michael lights some candles.


Now Neil says he doesn’t want Hilary to feel cheated later.  I guess not having any time to sign a pre-nup will wash away any regrets about not having an actual wedding.  He’s going to call the judge, but Hilary at least convinces him to wait until daylight when they can go to a justice of the peace.  So plan away, sugar baby, the wedding is tomorrow!


Malibu Courtney is on the scene at the great wallet heist of 2014 and has fished Noah’s empty wallet out of the trash in the ladies room.  They’re going to fingerprint it, hahaha.  Only in GC.  Mariah claims it’s all a setup.  Noah pulls Abby aside and admits he left the wallet as a test, and Abby admits she did the dirty deed and will give Noah his stuff back after they haul Mariah away to jail.  Noah’s like…but..she passed the test.  Abby thinks that is entirely beside the point.  She’s having a blast.


Sharon chides Nick for involving the police after she asked him not to.  He says everything proves Mariah is a liar and a thief.  Sharon says people change, and Nick says she’s got to stop acting like she’s getting Cassie back.  Sharon knows that, it’s just that Mariah has no family and needs someone.  Nick says it’s not going to be them.


Victor keeps telling Nikki not to worry and let him handle everything.  She reminds him that she left him for doing things behind her back.  Victor thinks that is silly.  Leslie arrives.  She tells Nikki she’s dropped Ian as a client, and that he told her something they need to know.  She admits she could be disbarred for sharing it, but her conscience insists she tell them that Ian can’t father children and has known all along he isn’t Dylan’s father.   Wow, ever heard of an anonymous letter?  Nikki already knows (so way to get disbarred for nothing), and Paul is Dylan’s father.  He may die without ever knowing the truth.


Victor slithers up to Ian Ward at the club.  He says, so all this time you knew you weren’t Dylan’s father.  Ian plays dumb, and Victor says his ex-wife told them all about it.  Ian laughs and says that woman will say anything for money.  “So will you,” says Victor.


Nikki tells Leslie about the rare blood type, and then Ian’s ex-wife confirmed it.  And now Leslie’s confirmed the confirmation.  Nikki doesn’t want to tell Dylan without real proof, though.  Leslie did some digging and found a paternity suit against Ian.  The judge threw out the claim after Ian’s doctor confirmed he couldn’t have children, so it’s true.   And Victor Newman’s henchmen really suck at their jobs.


Dylan finally has a chance to ask Avery about her new client.  She’s like…uhhhh.  She finally admits she’s helping Austin with his defense until he can get a decent lawyer.  Dylan can’t believe it.  She says she’s taking this guilt thing too far.  She’s like, YOU were going to chop your liver in half for Paul.  And he still would!  He says to get AWAY from Austin!


Malibu Courtney tells Noah she isn’t falling for this set up.  Noah gets all sheepish.  Sharon tells Nick he’s not being the least bit fair.  Noah tells everyone it was a big misunderstanding, and he doesn’t want to press charges.  Abby is PISSED.  Nick is like, what the heck?  What changed?  Everyone exchanges glances, and Sharon’s like, Mariah’s right.  You set her up, didn’t you?  Noah looks embarrassed, and Abby looks homicidal.


Sharon asks how Noah could do this.  He admits it was a test.  Nick says he wanted Noah to keep an eye on Mariah, not frame her.  Sharon asks what about the wallet being in the ladies room, and Mariah snaps that that was all Abby.  Abby goes off about all the nasty things Mariah’s already done to her.  Mariah says she can get a crappy job like this somewhere else!  She quits!  “Darn,” says Abby.  Sharon gives her a long, cool stare.


Dylan reminds Avery that she only defends the innocent, and Austin is guilty!  They have a weird argument about Dylan wanting to donate to Paul, and she has to do this thing for Austin to set things right for him losing his mother.  She just does.


Ian tells Victor that Dylan’s paternity wouldn’t be an issue if Nikki had been a little more…selective.  Victor threatens him some more.  Ian says says you’ve already had me beaten up, messed with my business..what’s next?  Victor says, “You ain’t seen nothing yet.”


Michael visits Paul and says he lit a candle for him.  Blah blah we need you.  Nikki comes barging in so she can cry some more.  Then Father Todd joins them. What kind of ICU is this??  He tells them to run get Christine because Paul’s condition is deteriorating and it may be time for Last Rites.  As usual, Christine will be the last to know.  Maybe they should stop the GC parade from going through his room all day.


Neil is checking into the club on his own.  Cane asks if Hilary kicked him out.  Nope, they’re spending the night apart to make tomorrow even more special.  They’re getting married tomorrow!!  YAY!!  Neil says he’s going to find Devon and fill him in.  But he wants to make sure Cane KNOWS, “that if anyone tries to derail or stop this ceremony…uh-uh,” he growls.  Whatever, Neil.


Hilary agreed to meet Devon in the park.  She asks if he wanted to unload on her some more and tell her she can’t go through with the wedding.  You can’t, says Devon.  That lights her fire.  “Oh, because I’m not good enough for your father??”  No, says Devon.  “Because I know you’d be better with me.”  Hilary’s like, wait, what?


Abby is happy Mariah quit.  Sharon tells her to be quiet.  Abby whines about how Mariah locked her in a loft.  Sharon says Abby is beyond petty and has only proven how insecure she is.  Sharon feels very betrayed and disappointed by all of them.  Abby storms off, Noah apologizes, and Nick says he won’t let Mariah do anything to mess up things with Sharon.


Mariah comes flying into the GCAC looking for Ian.  She says if she doesn’t talk to him she’s going to explode!  She says it’s hard to stick to Sharon when the entire town hates her guts.  Ian says not to give up now.  She has to stick with it, not everyone is against her.  Ian says HE is on her side, and that’s what really counts.  But Victor is nearby, listening!


Michael and Father Todd go look for Chris so Nikki can be alone to fall all over Paul.  She says he has so much to live for, blah blah…especially his first born son.  Dylan is YOUR son, she weeps…while Dylan has come up behind her to hear it too.

  • Love 7
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Yes! Between Neil and Hilary and Nikki and Victor, I am very creeped out by how this show tries to play abusive relationships as high romance. I know it's nothing new for soaps but it's still sick.


Sharon feels very betrayed and disappointed by all of them.

"Well oh darn, that's just how we felt when you married our dad/grandpa, almost destroyed his company and our legacy, and burned down the ranch. So, guess we're even now?"


  • Love 1
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Mon, June 23, 2014


Replay of Nikki crying over Paul and Dylan overhearing her say he is Paul’s son.  “Yes,” Nikki tells Paul, “MY son…is OUR son.”  Paul’s eyelids flicker!


Sharon’s aggravated with Nick that Mariah won’t answer her phone, and that he made Noah so anti-Mariah that he set her up.  Nick says it was only a matter of time before she stole something anyway, says the man who stole an entire daughter. Blah blah. She wants Nick to go convince Mariah to come back.  He doesn’t WANT her to come back, but Sharon says she’s out there without a friend in the world!


Ah, but Mariah does have a friend in the world, it’s Ian Ward, and he’s telling her to be patient.  He admits he’s made enemies in GC, but he’s always kept his eye on the ultimate goal. She asks him what IS the ultimate goal, and how does she fit into it?  Victor eavesdrops from the bar.


Cane is talking with Neil about his upcoming quickie marriage.  He says Neil has to know Lily won’t be happy about it.  “But I’m happy,” says Neil, smugly.  That’s Neil in a nutshell.  Cane’s like, well, can’t you at least give her a little more time to cope with it?  Well, of course not.  Smug, lecture, smug.


Devon tells Hilary he has feelings for her.  She says it’s too late, she’s marrying Neil tomorrow.


Leslie tries to talk Avery out of defending Austin.  Avery says she knows Leslie and Dylan are right, and she’s probably hurting his case by being involved anyway.  She needs Leslie to stand in for her.  Leslie can’t because of her own ethics problems, because she violated attorney-client privilege, and I guess wants to tell everyone about it.  Avery is like, are you kidding me?


Nikki is trying to get Paul conscious, Dylan slips out, and Christine, Michael, and Father Todd come bursting in.  Nikki leaves while Father Todd administers Last Rites.  She splays herself across Paul’s door while she cries and Dylan watches.


Nikki tells Dylan they need to talk.  He says, “Paul is my father and not Ian Ward?”  Yes, that.  She has proof.  Dylan starts falling apart thinking he may have killed his own father!  The others come out, and Dr. Barton Shelby tells them all he’s sorry.  Dylan starts yelling about how it’s not over.  He demands to know if it’s HIS choice whether or not to donate.


Leslie isn’t sure how much she should divulge to Avery.  So it was a great idea to bring it up, then.  Avery is upset.   As Leslie’s PARTNER, she better tell her right now.  Leslie says there are other people who need to know first.  LIVES will be affected.  Blah blah, Avery realizes this has something to do with Ian being Dylan’s father.  Leslie says, “Ian Ward is no one’s father.”


Ah, Ian says the “ultimate goal” is Mariah’s happiness.  Tricky.  He says don’t let anyone tell her she’s not worthy, or something less.  He encourages her for a while and tells her to get some sleep and they’ll talk more later. He even kisses her goodbye in a family kind of way and leaves.  Victor comes up. He says you’re playing with fire, girl.  He warned her not to cross him.  He says to remember that she profited handsomely when she was his ally.  He prefers an ally.  He tells her to ponder that and walks out.  Mariah ponders.


Nick wants to know why he and Sharon are arguing when they can go home, to THEIR home.  That softens Sharon up, but she can’t stop thinking about poor, little Mariah all alone.  Nick finally says he’s going to find her, because he refuses to let this woman come between them.


Cane suggests there could be another reason for Neil to postpone his wedding.  He talks about allll the life Neil has lived, career, marriage(s), grown children.  Hilary hasn’t had a chance to live much yet.  He asks if it’s fair to ask Hilary to make this “choice” before she actually knows what the choice is.  I’m impressed by how calmly Cane is showing Neil how freaking selfish he is.


Hilary tells Devon she loves Neil and there’s no reason to wait to get married.  Devon’s like, did you even hear me?  Yeah, she heard him say he has feelings for her.  But Devon needs to hear HER say she loves his father, and he makes her feel so..secure.  Devon says, well, that’s what you’re gonna get.  What about passion?  He says he KNOWS she felt the same things he did, but then she went and kissed Jack and he went and messed around with Esmerelda, and they stayed at cross purposes.  But he’s ADMITTING it now!  He knows she felt the same way!  “Yes,” she finally says, but she’s not happy about it.


Mariah sits on her bed and looks at Ian’s business card.  Nick comes by to apologize.  She’s like, great, bye!  He wants her to come back, and of course they both know it’s for Sharon.  He says Sharon needs Mariah in her life right now, but he’s going to make a few new rules.


Sharon’s alone at The Underground, which keeps really strange hours, and Victor saunters in.  He strikes up a conversation with Sharon and they both act like this is okay instead of her calling the police or something.  He asks how she is.  She’s fine and doesn’t need his help recovering her memories.  She does want him to tell her everything about Mariah.


Ian bids Avery goodbye and tells her not to worry too much about putting a killer back on the street, as it could happen to anyone.  Avery narrows her eyes, but Nikki bursts in and interrupts.  Ian tells Nikki she looks all flushed.  She says, “Shut up, you bastard!  You let me think all along you were Dylan’s father when you knew it was impossible.”  She rushes to tell Avery that Paul is Dylan’s father, and Avery catches on right quick that Dylan’s going to insist on donating his liver now.  They rush out together, while Leslie has come up from behind.  Ian looks accusingly at her.


Nick’s Rules:  1.  Mariah’s going to give up a portion of her paycheck to pay Sharon back.  She says that’s going to take a long time.  2.  She’s going to form a truce with Noah no matter how unpleasant it is.  Wait, shouldn’t that be Noah’s rule? Nick blames Mariah for all her attitude.  3.  He’s going to let her work behind the bar and ring out.  She can’t believe he trusts her, but he does not in any way, shape or form trust her.  He’s doing it for Sharon, plus she’d have to be an idiot to steal from him now.  Okay, she’ll do it.  He says there’s one more thing, as Mariah says there always is, and that is that once she’s paid Sharon back, she will leave Genoa City.


Neil explains to Cane how it is with Hilary.  She’s [hot] mature, she’s [totally impressed with him] wise beyond her years, and he [can pressure her into anything] respects her, and she’s capable of [doing whatever he says] making her own sound decisions.  Cane’s like…yeaaah.  He’s just trying to help.  Neil smugly tells him to concentrate on helping Lily cope with this, and let Neil and Hilary focus on their own relationship without any of their annoying family interference.


Devon tells Hilary he knew she felt the same way.  “FELT, Devon,” she says.  “Past tense.”  That was before Neil.  He’s going to give her a life her mother never knew.  Kinda gross to bring up mom right now, but okay.  She claims all her feelings for Devon ended the moment she fell in love with Neil.  Devon doesn’t believe that, and grabs her and kisses her.


She kisses him back, but then slaps him, but then holds her hand over her mouth.  She asks him how he can DO THIS to his father?  He was DEVASTATED after Leslie…for 30 seconds!  He’s a new man now, and she made him PROMISES blah blah, and he deserves so much, and she’s determined to make him happy.  “And what about your happiness?” asks Devon.  Hilary stares, and then my man, Neil, comes walking by.  Devon tells Neil good luck with his plans, and walks away.  Hilary says Devon just said they shouldn’t get married.  Neil says they don’t have to.  He did listen to Cane, and tells her she may be forgoing a life she hasn’t even lived yet.  He says he’s put a lot of pressure on her, and if she wants to back out right now, he’ll understand.  Hilary looks like she’s going to throw up.


Victor tells Sharon he knows nothing about Mariah.  Sharon explains her feelings for her.  Victor says, so you’re glad she’s here?  Sharon’s like, well not enough to say that you putting me through hell was okay, but she does think Mariah’s in her life for a reason.  Victor thinks she may be right about that.


Mariah tells Nick it will take a long time to pay Sharon back, but years from now she’ll hit the road.  Nick says Sharon cares about her and don’t pretend she cares back or cause her any more pain.  Mariah says she is NOT pretending.  Nick fixes her doorknob because he’s such a great guy underneath.


Christine tells Father Todd she feels hopeful about Paul having a chance.  But she’s overwhelmed about this son with Nikki thing.  Father Todd says it’s a blessing, and to put that aside for right now.  He says it’s nothing short of a miracle.


Dylan thanks Michael for standing up for him.  Michael’s conflicted  because he’s everybody’s friend.  Nikki and Avery rush in, and Avery’s losing her shit about everything she’s found out.  She’s crying and asks what she has to do to convince him not to do this.  But Christine has come out and is staring mournfully at him.


Devon tells Cane how it all went down, and how Hilary is going to marry Neil anyway.  He pours himself a drink and says, “Someone had to get hurt, right?”  Cane thinks all three of them will.


Hilary seems bummed that Neil doesn’t want to marry her anymore.  Neil says he does, though, he does, because he loves her so much.  Of course she still wants to marry him tomorrow!  Ha, he was just kidding anyway, that’s exactly what he wanted her to say.  Everything is right as rain in their world again, and they embrace, but now Hilary has grave doubt in her eyes.


Ian apologizes to Leslie for telling her things that would affect her friends.  She looks at him suspiciously.  He dances around about how the information has come out, and he says he’ll always be in her debt for getting him free.  She is a frigging MORON and says he is very understanding and must not be going to report her breach?  Gotcha!  He says, oh, we all have to pay for our mistakes or else how will we learn from them?  Her phone rings, and he says it’s probably the bar association since he’s had a nice long chat with them.  He has no proof, of course, but that never matters.


Nick gets back to The Underground and reports that Mariah is going to come back to work.  Sharon’s thrilled.  Nick talks to Victor as if he never screamed “I DON’T HAVE A FATHER!!!” back at the ranch.  Of course, Mom already moved home. No one is surprised.  Nick and Sharon kiss.


Christine begs Dylan not to back out now.  Avery is torn apart, but Dylan’s going to do it.  Dr. Barton Shelby says they have to get him to pre-op immediately.  First, he goes in and sits next to Paul and gently holds his hand with Nadia’s Theme playing in the background.  And goshdarnit, I felt a little emotional.  So sue me.  Dylan comes out and hugs Nikki, and then kisses Avery.  She has tears rolling down her face, and Dylan whispers that it will be okay.  He follows Dr. Shelby down the hall while everyone weeps in hope and fear.

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