Small Talk: The Polygamous Cul-de-Sac

[Yeah No]

I was going to post a photo of my mom in her honor today but I don't want anyone who had a less than positive experience with theirs to feel bad.  My mother and I had a very positive relationship but she wasn't perfect and didn't relate to or understand some of my issues growing up.  So I struggled in childhood anyway.  Plus she went back to work full time when I was 9 and I was a "latch-key" kid.  My grandmother lived in our apartment building so she kept an eye on me but everyone else's mom hung out together in the street with their kids all summer long and I was treated like the little orphan kid in a lot of ways.  We had a lot of prima donna, entitled kids in my neighborhood and some of the "mean girls" bullied and ostracized me.  So I am a survivor of bullying.  I was ashamed of it so I didn't tell my mother about it until it got really bad.  Back then people didn't have much awareness of bullying and so it was not addressed the way it is today.  My mother defended me bless her heart but the damage was already done.  They also didn't understand a woman that worked outside the home.  This was the 1960s when no one's mother worked.  So the neighbors looked down on us.

My husband is also a survivor of bullying.  He was that "fat kid" in school that people picked on.  His mother also smelled like an ashtray and he had a rough relationship with her because he could never do anything right in her eyes and she favored his "prized child" older sister, who to this day is very judgmental just like her mother.  I still have baggage from his mother treating me just like she treated her son.  I was very sensitive when I was young and this hurt me very much.  She didn't like it that I didn't stop working or have kids.  She put a lot of guilt on me for not being a "Suzy Homemaker" type just like her daughter.  I went to grad. school at night and she acted like I must think I'm something special and that I was "shirking my wifely obligations" or whatever.  Meanwhile my own mother was a "new woman" who encouraged me to work and go to school.

My mother loved my husband like he was the son she never had.  She believed in him and they had a very special relationship.  He got the unconditional love from her that he never got from his own mother.  Is it any wonder then, that when my mom died he cried like a baby, meanwhile he didn't shed a single tear when his own mother died?  Wounds like that are so deep it's hard to get over them.

I didn't cry when his mom died either despite the fact that she had a very horrible death from emphysema.  NO ONE could get her to stop chain smoking.  She even sneaked cigarettes after she was put on an oxygen tank - a very dangerous thing to do!  

So my heart goes out to anyone that had a rough time with their own moms.  I was never a mother myself but my husband insists that all women are "mothers" to someone, so he makes a point to celebrate the day for me, bless his heart.  So to all of you kind women out there, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, YOU DESERVE IT!!!**

**(Well, as happy as you can be under the present circumstances!)

Edited May 10, 2020 by Yeah No

[deirdra]

5 hours ago, AZChristian said:

My female birth vessel reeked of stale cigarette smoke.  

Mine did too, until I was 14.  She gave them up cold turkey when her best friend, her brother, and uncle all died over the course of 3 months.

When I was 10, our teacher told us we are going to make Mother's Day Cards RIGHT NOW and they must rhyme. Think of what your mother likes.  I'm not good at poetry on demand, and the only things that came to mind were her cracking walnuts and smoking cigarettes.  And "nuts" and "butts" rhyme. I didn't do it to be mean and was not planning to give the card to her, since my father always took us to get a card from all of us kids and we made her breakfast in bed and dinner on Mother's Day.  But she found the card with my homework. I apologized and explained how it happened and was about to rip it up, but she wanted to keep it … and she still had that card when she died 50 yrs later. Perhaps it was part of the inspiration to give up the butts.

She also kept one of those envelopes for church collection plates that my sister had filled out when bored.  My sister, who was ~8 at the time filled it out: Name: "Jesus",  Church: "My own".  It was sealed but empty, so my mother had taken it out of the collection plate before passing it on.  It too was among the odd things her kids did that she kept forever. She probably chuckled whenever she saw them.  My sister and I nearly died laughing when we saw them. Apparently mothers appreciate impudence. She herself had been a little imp during her early days growing up in an orphanage.

Edited May 10, 2020 by deirdra

[suomi]

My LDS in good standing daughter has not spoken to me since February 2012 so this is the ninth Mother's Day in a row I haven't heard from her or her four kids, and we live in the same town. (The older two are 31 and 28 now and the younger two are 20 and 17). She rules her family with an iron fist and everyone falls in line. 

One day I was a mother and grandmother and the next day it was as if they all had fallen off a cliff. (I found out that two of my grandsons got married when my cousin in Michigan sent me links to facebook photos). 

She manufactured a disagreement between us so she could justify holding a grudge. She got pissed when I told her that it's shitty behavior to dump pets in the woods when they "don't work out."

She said "I can see how that would bother you because you're an animal lover." I said you don't have to be an animal lover to know that it's wrong because either you have a conscience or you don't and "I am disappointed and I am struggling to understand your actions because you were not raised this way." She took that as a reference to her husband and swelled up like a toad but, hey, if the truth hurts... 

They like to impulsively adopt from yard sales and the puppy in question (one of many, sadly) was tied to a lawn chair by their 10-year-old son and ignored for hours. Doing what puppies do, he chewed the chair cushion and won a trip to the forest. It's not like they don't have pets, they all have dogs but some work out and others don't. 

Her husband was raised in an LDS family where the dad made most of his income by fencing  stolen property and the mom worked at the university and side-lined in slipping and falling in stores so she could get financial settlements and access to pain pills. (She was bummed when computers and databases came along and ended that). They lived in 16 states and he usually found out they were moving when he came home from school and saw his dad packing the truck. His parents attended church in the Hispanic ward because they were not warmly received in the main ward. 

Oh? But I'm an embarrassment?

The product of my womb tosses me aside every time she re-joins the church - this is the third time in 25 years and it has been my longest exile. It coincided with great financial success after her husband's business skyrocketed and she obtained advanced nursing degrees. They built a 5,000 sf home (with only one kid left in the nest) and moved on up into the stick-up-the-ass true believer crowd where they constantly take each other's spiritual temperature. The biggest part of her embarrassment is that I have long refused to join her church. Everyone else's mother is a matriarch and I'm an agnostic. Boo hoo.  

In Utah, active members who play their pious cards right are guaranteed a successful business or career so she and her husband have to hide me along with their smoking, drinking and gambling.  

There's a method to her madness: by dumping me she also dumped my dad/her grandfather (lifelong chronic depression and Parkinson's) when he was in his 80s (he was living with me) and my sister with developmental delay (who has lived with me since our mom died in 2002).

She doesn't want to be bothered with millstones who might ask for help of some kind or even a visit or phone call to break the monotony. Someone's needs might interfere with going on cruises twice a year. The horror! And the kicker is... she's a psych nurse and works in the behavioral health unit in our local hospital!

Eight years ago I took my 91-year-old dad to the ER after he fell and while I was with him my daughter saw my sister in the waiting area. My sister told her what happened and she gave her a stick of gum and went on her merry way. She didn't so much as stick her head in my dad's room during his 2-day stay and she didn't attend his funeral two years later or even acknowledge his death with a card or flowers. 

But you know what? It may not sound like it and of course I'm torn but on some level I am relieved that I'm not under her judgmental thumb anymore. And I'm fairly certain I would not be open to mending fences if she proposed that. Thrice burned... 

Anyway, Happy Mother's Day to everyone here whether or not you gave birth or adopted or married into kids or aunt-ed or fostered or whatever. Your families are lucky to have you. We are a wonderful bouquet of souls and you have no idea how often you keep me sane-ish. Mwah!

 

[Kohola3]

26 minutes ago, suomi said:

But you know what? It may not sound like it and of course I'm torn but on some level I am relieved that I'm not under her judgmental thumb anymore.

What a nightmare.  And all the egregious behaviors done in the name of god. 

Fellow agnostic here and stories like that just cement my belief that the ills of the world all stem from organized religion worldwide.  Your strength is an inspiration.

[Meowwww]

2 hours ago, Kohola3 said:

What a nightmare.  And all the egregious behaviors done in the name of god. 

Fellow agnostic here and stories like that just cement my belief that the ills of the world all stem from organized religion worldwide.  Your strength is an inspiration.

My hubby and I, when I first moved here, thought we found a good church. 
Little did we realize it was all about the chosen few, the families who are young and blonde and are pictured smiling and happy with their 4 kids. 
We were invited to a church meeting.  The person leading the meeting asked “what do you all think growing the church is about?”   My hubby said “money”.  We were then ostracized.  It was true, but the golden families didn’t want to hear that.  That was the icing on the cake for my skepticism about organized religion.  

[Yeah No]

3 hours ago, Kohola3 said:

What a nightmare.  And all the egregious behaviors done in the name of god. 

Fellow agnostic here and stories like that just cement my belief that the ills of the world all stem from organized religion worldwide.  Your strength is an inspiration.

I don't go to church anymore either.  I used to go religiously.  I even majored in Theology at a Jesuit university, although I was not a Catholic.  That was my first mistake.  I had a 4.0 cumulative index in the subject but was never given any recognition or award for it, first of all because I was a woman (this was 45 years ago) and second of all because I was not a Roman Catholic but an Episcopalian.  I wasn't even allowed to take communion in the campus church.  Wow, that would never happen in the Episcopal church.  All Christians are welcome to receive communion.  I was passed over for the Theology award at graduation.  It was given to a young man who had aspirations of becoming a priest.  He was a friend and a lovely person but I worked in the Registar's office on the work/study program and knew his grades were lower than mine.  He just was a man and had better connections.

I originally had aspirations of taking a master's in divinity at General Theological Seminary, a protestant seminary in Manhattan.  But I was discouraged and let my lack of encouragement hold me back.  I ended up getting married after college and the reality of having to earn a living led me to taking a job in the Admissions office at my college.  Well, that was probably a mistake too because I got typecast as a "pink collar" employee and ended up staying in that position for 10 years.  During that time I used my free tuition to take a graduate degree in Counseling Psych., though.

I ended up moving to CT after I graduated.  My husband and I had to get out of NYC - the homeless and crack situation drove us out.  I ended up working in the business world as an executive assistant, which surprisingly I actually liked.  We ended up going to an Episcopal church, which at first was a nice experience, but after a while it devolved into pettiness and total war between factions in the church when the priest died of AIDS and it came out that he was gay.  A lot of the older parishioners were upset about this and left the church.  Note that Episcopal priests are not required to be celibate, it was his gayness that they were against.  We ended up getting in a priest that only fueled the divisions.  He was an elitist snob that only cared about money and not about people at all.  He hired a new organist that got rid of all the older volunteer members of the choir.  Never mind that they had been going to the church for decades and had supported it all the way through.  No, having a professional choir was more important to him because he wanted to attract people with money to the church.  OK, the church had to stay afloat, but to hurt people this way was mean and unnecessary.

Anyway, the tension and lack of fellowship in that place escalated.  It eventually got to me and I stopped going to church.  That was over 25 years ago and I've never looked back.  Since then with all the church scandals in the Roman Catholic church regarding abuse and a second bad experience my husband had in another church years later (he went without me) I'm pretty much done with organized religion completely.

I was never really into organized religion, to be honest.  I've never equated the Church with my faith.  I was more into the message of my faith than its outward trappings.  I don't blame anyone for becoming agnostic but that means not knowing if you believe in God or not.  It doesn't mean not attending church or being affiliated with a church.  Those are two separate things.  I still believe in God and have faith without liking organized religion.  Even though I don't attend church I still believe in my faith - the parts of it that are the heart and soul of my Christian beliefs and have nothing to do with organized religion.  I agree that organized religion has been the cause of a lot of evil but only because people themselves have hijacked it for their evil ends, not because the spirit of the religion itself is evil.  I also have come to think that some people need organized religion to keep them good and without that they get into worse trouble.  It's not ideal but whatever works.  I don't know if in the end the world is better with or without it.  It might not matter - people will always find a way to be evil with or without organized religion.  I think the real problem today is a lack of faith and belief in religious principles.  I think that's just as bad as organized religion in its worst forms.  Maybe in the big picture, even worse.  But organized religion may only have itself to blame for that trend toward secularism in our society.

 

[suomi]

Jerry Stiller, natural causes. He was a hoot! RIP, sir.

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/05/11/obituaries/jerry-stiller-seinfeld-dead.html

[Yeah No]

7 minutes ago, suomi said:

Jerry Stiller, natural causes. He was a hoot! RIP, sir.

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/05/11/obituaries/jerry-stiller-seinfeld-dead.html

I am really sad to hear this, I just saw him on "Seinfeld" a few days ago.  Not to take away from the solemnity of this news, but he's one of those people I thought was already dead.  Does that ever happen to anyone else?  I have that happen every now and then when I hear of an older star's death.

[suomi]

I like this saying:

A religious person will do what they are told no matter what is right whereas a spiritual person will do what is right no matter what they are told.

9 minutes ago, Yeah No said:

I am really sad to hear this, I just saw him on "Seinfeld" a few days ago.  Not to take away from the solemnity of this news, but he's one of those people I thought was already dead.  Does that ever happen to anyone else?  I have that happen every now and then when I hear of an older star's death.

Remember the days of Stiller and Meara? It was fun to see them together on King of Queens. He was so good there, impeccable timing.

[Elbow]

14 minutes ago, suomi said:

I like this saying:

A religious person will do what they are told no matter what is right whereas a spiritual person will do what is right no matter what they are told.

An ethical person will do what is right, no matter what they are told. A belief in the supernatural, by any name, has nothing to do with ethics, beyond the obvious impediment magical thinking imposes upon logic and reasoning.

[Kohola3]

51 minutes ago, suomi said:

A religious person will do what they are told no matter what is right whereas a spiritual person will do what is right no matter what they are told.

What a great saying and I live that way . I do not believe in a supreme being but but I do consider myself spiritual using the definition (there are many) that is "of or relating to the inner character of a person".  My inner character tells me the difference between right and wrong but is not based on religious teachings.  Since ethical behavior is acting according to what society considers to be good values I believe that I can easily fall into both categories. 

I see nothing that eschews atheism in either case.

[Yeah No]

2 minutes ago, Kohola3 said:

What a great saying and I live that way . I do not believe in a supreme being but but I do consider myself spiritual using the definition (there are many) that is "of or relating to the inner character of a person".  My inner character tells me the difference between right and wrong but is not based on religious teachings.  Since ethical behavior is acting according to what society considers to be good values I believe that I can easily fall into both categories. 

I see nothing that eschews atheism in either case.

Yes, I agree with you. I think it is possible to be an atheist and have a cogent system of ethics just as good as any spiritually based ethics.  I have known scientific pantheists that don't believe in the supernatural but find a mystical spirituality in nature, the universe and science in general.  Which I love because I feel those things too - the only difference is I believe in God.  But really, there's no difference until you get to the concept of God.  And that's fine with me!

[Aethera]

Folks, I'm all for civil discussion of religion, but the key word is Civil. If someone is offended by what you've said, whether you meant to offend or not, the correct thing to do is apologize, and move on from the discussion, not tell them why they shouldn't be offended or double down. If you think someone isn't understanding you and you've tried civilly explaining, becoming uncivil with them does not help - simply move on. Being uncivil breaks our Golden Rule. 

[Yeah No]

Please accept my apologies.  To my knowledge we were having a nice civil discussion here and no one was offended by anything anyone said until someone totally unknown to the rest of the group came in and "trolled" us.  I was defending my friend's post.  If that was wrong, again, I apologize.

I will not post again on this subject.

Edited May 11, 2020 by Yeah No

[Kyanight]

10 minutes ago, Yeah No said:

Please accept my apologies.  To my knowledge we were having a nice civil discussion here and no one was offended by anything anyone said until someone totally unknown to the rest of the group came in and "trolled" us.  I was defending my friend's post.  If that was wrong, again, I apologize.

I will not post again on this subject.

Kind of like that person who came in and said something snarky about me - and when I ask for clarification, she just :::POOF::: disappears! 

I think it's just disgruntled people who are unhappy and want to make others miserable, too.

[xwordfanatik]

@Yeah No and @Kyanight, you are very much loved here.  It's very sad the way that certain posters seem to be nasty and take offense, when it's clear they are just trolling or arguing just to argue.  Makes no sense to me.

[Kohola3]

2 hours ago, Kyanight said:

I think it's just disgruntled people who are unhappy and want to make others miserable, too.

Hey,  maybe it was Meri.  That describes her perfectly!

[DakotaJustice]

14 minutes ago, Kohola3 said:

Hey,  maybe it was Meri.  That describes her perfectly!

Or Mariah, except capitalization was properly utilized...

[deirdra]

12 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I am really sad to hear this, I just saw him on "Seinfeld" a few days ago.  Not to take away from the solemnity of this news, but he's one of those people I thought was already dead.  Does that ever happen to anyone else?  I have that happen every now and then when I hear of an older star's death.

This happens to me, though not in Jerry Stiller's case since I knew he was still alive when his wife Anne Meara died 5 years ago and I liked her too. Often I wonder if someone is still alive and will google "is X" and before I finish the name Google fills in the name and "still alive?"  So I know I'm not the only one.

Serenity now.

[Yeah No]

1 hour ago, deirdra said:

This happens to me, though not in Jerry Stiller's case since I knew he was still alive when his wife Anne Meara died 5 years ago and I liked her too. Often I wonder if someone is still alive and will google "is X" and before I finish the name Google fills in the name and "still alive?"  So I know I'm not the only one.

Serenity now.

Jerry Stiller was 92 when he died, the same age as my father only he died a month later.  Plus they were both born in Brooklyn.  My father was half Jewish on his father's side and Jerry Stiller was all Jewish.  I'm sure they're sharing a laugh now in heaven.

I just remembered another star that died in February that I thought was already dead - Kirk Douglas.  He was 103 when he died, so it's no wonder I thought that!

[Gramto6]

These deaths seem to come in threes...I'm just hoping God and the angels are staying far, far away from Betty White!

[Kyanight]

1 hour ago, Gramto6 said:

These deaths seem to come in threes...I'm just hoping God and the angels are staying far, far away from Betty White!

This isn't "threes", but I was so shocked when Carrie Fisher died and then her mother died the very next day!  Her son said that Debbie's heart was literally broken.  😞

[xwordfanatik]

I've ordered a head wrap and an extra wide headband from Etsy today.  My grey roots are getting more noticeable, and it'll probably be awhile before I think about going to my hair salon.  Hopefully the wrap and headband will be useful on my walks and look OK.

Who knows?  I might rilly like my eventual natural hair color!  I've had it colored for 30+ years, so it will be a complete surprise, if I don't cave and try a box color.

[Kyanight]

52 minutes ago, xwordfanatik said:

I've ordered a head wrap and an extra wide headband from Etsy today.  My grey roots are getting more noticeable, and it'll probably be awhile before I think about going to my hair salon.  Hopefully the wrap and headband will be useful on my walks and look OK.

Who knows?  I might rilly like my eventual natural hair color!  I've had it colored for 30+ years, so it will be a complete surprise, if I don't cave and try a box color.

You know what?  I really LOVE head wraps, and I think they can look so classy!!

[LilWharveyGal]

16 minutes ago, Kyanight said:

You know what?  I really LOVE head wraps, and I think they can look so classy!!

So agree! I would love it if one result of the pandemic was the return of fabulous elegant turbans/hats and gloves. You kids get off my lawn. *cranks up the Hoagy Carmichael*

[TurtlePower]

1 hour ago, Kyanight said:

You know what?  I really LOVE head wraps, and I think they can look so classy!!

I love them too. On those lines,  I ordered linen hijabs for work to keep cool and the sun off my face/neck. Works brilliantly, the ancient Egyptians has it right with linen! 

[Meowwww]

4 hours ago, xwordfanatik said:

I've ordered a head wrap and an extra wide headband from Etsy today.  My grey roots are getting more noticeable, and it'll probably be awhile before I think about going to my hair salon.  Hopefully the wrap and headband will be useful on my walks and look OK.

Who knows?  I might rilly like my eventual natural hair color!  I've had it colored for 30+ years, so it will be a complete surprise, if I don't cave and try a box color.

My head and face are ugly when not surrounded by hair.  Small forehead, small eyes, big nose, no lips ( I get fillers but right now they are gone gone gone). I have super dark brown roots that clash violently with my salon blonde hair.  At 49, I really don’t have any greys. Instead I am blessed with the natural hair color of a cooked pork chop (ashy ugly medium brown). Sigh....

The “ are they still alive” thing.  I do it all the time.  Just yesterday I asked hubby if Burt Reynolds was still alive.  Is he?  I don’t know. 

[deirdra]

1 hour ago, Meowwww said:

The “ are they still alive” thing.  I do it all the time.  Just yesterday I asked hubby if Burt Reynolds was still alive.  Is he?  I don’t know. 

He died in 2018.

[Yeah No]

1 hour ago, deirdra said:

3 hours ago, Meowwww said:

The “ are they still alive” thing.  I do it all the time.  Just yesterday I asked hubby if Burt Reynolds was still alive.  Is he?  I don’t know. 

He died in 2018.

Now here's another thing that happens to me - I forgot Burt Reynolds died and only remembered it after seeing this post.  I was like, "Oh yeah, that's right".....🙁

[suomi]

This is so sad, but I brought the link because of the photos. I've never heard of slot canyons before. Beautiful, but not for who are claustrophobic.

"At least 21 others escaped the flooding Monday afternoon in Little Wildhorse Canyon, where the curving sandstone walls are so narrow at points that hikers must turn sideways to walk through."

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/flash-flooding-kills-2-sisters-ages-7-and-3-in-utah-canyon/ar-BB13YSAQ?ocid=hplocalnews

Edited May 13, 2020 by suomi

[deirdra]

One great thing about slot canyons is the sun doesn't heat them up and the rock retains much of the night-time temperatures, so they are wonderfully cool when it is hot up top. 

But do check the weather forecast for rain or snow melt.  Once in the Canadian Rockies we were walking up a dry, narrow canyon and at ~3 pm we heard trickles of water beneath the gravel under our feet.  Water from snow melting ~25 miles upstream was just starting to reach us … in plenty of time to seek higher ground.

[Yeah No]

I love all these "at home" shows with stars in their offices or living rooms just being themselves.  Although now I definitely think I need new bookcases, LOL.

I ordered some disposable surgical masks online and they fit like crap.  They're obviously sized for a bigger person than me.  My hairstylist is making nice cloth ones in pretty fabrics so I think I'll order some from her.  I've been wearing a P-95 mask when out but it's really stifling to wear plus I don't need one that heavy duty in all situations.

I think I might be ready to go into some stores on a limited basis.  My husband went to the liquor store for some Cab but forgot to get me a bottle of Marsala for cooking so I might make a run for it myself.  I still don't want to go into crowded supermarkets or Walmart so I'm still ordering everything online with Instacart and on the Walmart site.  Instacart must have hired more people because I get my stuff in 2 hours now.  I scored a beautiful Angus chuck roast today and made beef stew in my Ninja Foodi.  Yummmmmm.

Also, I finally got myself logged in to Sirius XM online so I can listen to their Chill channel while on the computer since I'm not in my car much anymore and miss it.  A friend told me about another channel called "Calm" and that's pretty good too for background music.

In other news, my lawyer friend's 96 year old aunt was sent home from the hospital.  Her oxygen levels are good and her fever has gone down.  Proof that age is only one factor in who lives or dies with this virus.

Oh, and Mr. Yeah No finally talked with Mr. almost Billionaire and he told us not to worry that he cares about us and wants help us out, just to let him know when we have to spend a big sum of money on my Dad's apartment, or if we need any other help.  That's great news but it's still a little loosey goosey and dependent on hubbie reaching out to him again whenever that will be.  Oh well, I guess that's better than nothing for now.  I am not going to put any more pressure on hubbie to do this so I'm going to let it go for now.

Scary fact is that Mr. Big Money had Coronavirus in early March and my husband drove him only days before he thinks he was exposed to it.  If he had driven him after he caught it but before he had symptoms, my husband might have caught it from him.  I found out that Mr. Big Money was hospitalized twice with the virus - he did not have an easy time.  Like everyone else, he is not traveling right now.

Interesting factoid is that Mr. Big Money always loved hearing stories about my Dad and was intrigued to learn that when he worked for the American Foundation for the Blind he recorded the famous talking book version of the King James Bible with Alexander Scourby, the well known narrator most famous for the old National Geographic specials of years ago.  It seems that Mr. Big Money just bought a Kindle version of the Bible before he heard this and now set out to find a copy of the Scourby Bible which he easily found online.  I admit I never thought to do this but I will now because my father played such a large role in creating that.  I am also pretty sure that when I finally go through my father's extensive cassette and reel to reel collection I will probably find some old copies.  I remember when I was a kid my Dad always talking about his work doing the Bible and how many times he had to listen to it over and over while editing the tape.  It was a huge project and took some time to complete. 

In other sad news, the wife of my father's long gone best friend passed away on Monday of non Covid reasons.  I knew her all my life as "Aunt" Martha, but hadn't seen her in at least 4 years since she went down to Maryland to live near her daughter.  These things happen in 3s?  I hope not.  

Edited May 14, 2020 by Yeah No

[Kohola3]

@Yeah No, a bit of more positive news for you!  Starts out my day on a more positive note as I bundle into town for my Wallie World pick up.

[AZChristian]

8 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I think I might be ready to go into some stores on a limited basis.  My husband went to the liquor store for some Cab but forgot to get me a bottle of Marsala for cooking so I might make a run for it myself.  I still don't want to go into crowded supermarkets or Walmart so I'm still ordering everything online with Instacart and on the Walmart site.  

I went to Walmart and Lowes yesterday - first time I've been in a store since mid-March.

People in Walmart were honoring the 6-foot rule, and people were all behaving well (except for the two young ladies working in the McDonalds inside WM, who thought that texting on your phone and then handing someone a cup of coffee (by holding onto the lid of the coffee cup) was good covid behavior).  My trip to WM did give me a chance to thank all of the "order pickers" I saw, telling them that what they were doing was a blessing to thousands of people during the crisis.  One of them even got tears in her eyes when I gave her my sincere thanks.

And I found 24-roll packs of toilet paper at Walmart, so the crisis must be just about over!

Anyway . . . you mentioned being out of wine.  We found out that Total Wine & More even offers a curbside pickup which works as well as Walmart's!!!  Go online, fill out your order and pay.  They send you an e-mail when your order is ready.  They put it in the back of your car, and off you go.

[laurakaye]

39 minutes ago, AZChristian said:

And I found 24-roll packs of toilet paper at Walmart, so the crisis must be just about over!

The new thing here in Michigan is not being able to find beef of any kind.  And I haven't seen a single container of antibacterial wipes since around the middle of March.  Toilet paper is, however, nicely back in stock!

Going grocery shopping lately is an exercise in anxiety - it's like, what won't I be able to buy on this trip?  Logically, I know that we will not go hungry and that we will be fine.  But it does trigger this "mama bear" thing in my brain that tells me that I will not be able to find what my family needs.  Pretty sure the shock of going into a nearly-empty grocery store on March 13 (the day schools closed and everyone panicked) will never leave my thoughts, from now on.

[Kyanight]

24 minutes ago, laurakaye said:

Going grocery shopping lately is an exercise in anxiety - it's like, what won't I be able to buy on this trip?  Logically, I know that we will not go hungry and that we will be fine.  But it does trigger this "mama bear" thing in my brain that tells me that I will not be able to find what my family needs.  Pretty sure the shock of going into a nearly-empty grocery store on March 13 (the day schools closed and everyone panicked) will never leave my thoughts, from now on.

I don't stress as much on what I won't find at the store because they are always out of some things I want.... but I stress about everything else.  "OMG, why is that person stocking the cracker shelves not wearing a mask or gloves??"  Ditto on everyone else in the store who doesn't wear a mask but ALL of them (if they look at me) will give me this angry and defiant look that says, "I don't have to wear one if I don't want to - so there!"  I half expect them to stick their tongue out like a two year old.  I stress when someone coughs nearby.  I stress when people pass by RIGHT NEXT TO ME, and some of them aren't even wearing masks so you know they live "risky" Covid19 lives.  I stress about making sure **I steer clear of other shoppers.  I stress stress stress until I am home and washed and everything is washed.... and I used to LOVE to go out, even if it was only to the grocery store.

And three other gripes. 

1.) We have a huge thrift store about 2 blocks from my house that is huge.  HUGE.  And EVERY single day there are hundreds of cars parked in the lot - the parking lot is full - and no one is standing outside waiting to go inside.  This tells me that the store is most definitely not following the governors orders, and my neighborhood just might explode with Covid cases in the near future, even if I don't shop at that one store!  Also, the store only accepts cash - period. 

2.) We went to pick up an order at the Irishfamilyowned fish and chips place we love, and not ONE worker was wearing a mask or gloves.  My son and I had a friendly argument about this.  I thought it was required, he thinks it's a choice.  Regardless - we wont be going back.

3.) We had a restaurant open up for Mother's Day and it was PACKED.  PACKED with good old boys and their families and not a one of them was wearing a mask. Every table was taken and the line outside the door meant a 2 hour wait.  On Monday the governor shut the place down, AS did the health department, so double whammy!  So this group of customers and those of the same mind set are going to get their guns and stage a big protest.  I told my son that it's just a matter of time before people get shot.  Tempers are flaring on both sides - those who want people safe and those who want businesses opened both for economic reasons and also because they don't like being told what to do.

Oh wait - I saw ONE person wearing a light blue mask... she was waiting for take-out.

 

Edited May 14, 2020 by Kyanight

[DakotaJustice]

we're heading into Stage 2 (or maybe in it already - I'm not sure!) My city is planning on closing some streets to vehicles in our downtown areas so that restaurants can offer outdoor seating, Covid-Al-Fresco I guess. Landscapers/gardeners are back in force as of last week. People on Nextdoor complaining about the sound of leaf blowers again but I think of it as the sound of people feeding their families.  

I've been going to stores all along. Most of them no longer take cash and encourage the use of Apple Pay/Tap and Pay/contactless. (Check your Visa/MC - if it has the wave/wifi symbol on the back, then you can just tap it on the terminal - much quicker than inserting and waiting for a chip read!) 

The lines are a lot shorter than they were. Masks are de riguer and most stores make you get a squirt of alcohol or hand sanitizer before you enter. One of the stores I frequent even gives out paper masks if you forgot your own and has portable sinks set outside for you to wash your hands before entering. 

Chicken is hard to find but my favorite Mexican market has tons of seafood - I'm partial to catfish filets. 

Edited May 14, 2020 by DakotaJustice

[laurakaye]

1 hour ago, DakotaJustice said:

we're heading into Stage 2 (or maybe in it already - I'm not sure!) My city is planning on closing some streets to vehicles in our downtown areas so that restaurants can offer outdoor seating, Covid-Al-Fresco I guess. Landscapers/gardeners are back in force as of last week. People on Nextdoor complaining about the sound of leaf blowers again but I think of it as the sound of people feeding their families.  

In Michigan, we are in stage 3 of 6 (with 6 being the threat is completely over).  There's another protest in Lansing today.  I'm sure by now you've seen on the news how well those go over.  I couldn't believe my ears when I heard something along the lines of "the legislature is in discussion about whether or not firearms should be brought into the Capitol."  I was like - IN DISCUSSIONS?  You get a large group of hotheads, chanting and raging, wearing their firearms displayed proudly across their chests, and those same people are allowed to prance on into the Capital building like that??  What about all the people that work there?  I'm with @Kyanight.  I am afraid to watch the news because someday, somewhere, these protests are going to turn really bad.  It's a pressure cooker situation in so many places.

Edited May 14, 2020 by laurakaye

[Kohola3]

14 minutes ago, laurakaye said:

I am afraid to watch the news because someday, somewhere, these protests are going to turn really bad.  It's a pressure cooker situation in so many places.

And all over whether or not to keep people from dying which is what makes it so egregious.  They are fine with "no shirts, no service" but pitch bloody fits over masks.  Makes me glad to be old and know that I won't see this kind of selfish, childish behavior for too many more years. I feel horrible for the children of today.

And as Laurakaye and I already know, these protests have already led to violence and death.  Michigan was the first state where a security guard was killed while trying to keep someone out without a mask.  So proud of our citizens - not.

[Yeah No]

5 hours ago, AZChristian said:

Anyway . . . you mentioned being out of wine.  We found out that Total Wine & More even offers a curbside pickup which works as well as Walmart's!!!  Go online, fill out your order and pay.  They send you an e-mail when your order is ready.  They put it in the back of your car, and off you go.

Thanks for that tip.  There's a Total Wine about 7 miles from here that will deliver via Instacart.  I've known that for a few weeks already but now I'm like "duh" why didn't I think of doing that?

4 hours ago, laurakaye said:

The new thing here in Michigan is not being able to find beef of any kind.  And I haven't seen a single container of antibacterial wipes since around the middle of March.  Toilet paper is, however, nicely back in stock!

I've noticed that when shopping online - no antibacterial anything anywhere.  And no hand sanitizer either.  Friends have told me it's just as bad in the stores here in CT.  A store may get in a small shipment once in a while but it's gone by 9:00 a.m.  You have to be lucky to be there on the right date and early enough to get it.  I was very lucky to get the chuck roast at Aldi.  I was pretty flexible as to what I would buy.  It seems like ground beef is easy to find but steak is whatever they might have on any given date and when they do have some it's only one kind and not much of it.  You're right about the toilet paper.  Since that was the first thing to become scarce maybe the other stuff will come back soon.  I keep seeing advertisements by Clorox telling us that they've been working very hard to get the sanitizing wipes back on the shelves, and it should be soon.  Let's hope so. 

We're supposed to go into a limited basis stage 1 starting on the 20th in my local area.  Non-essential stores and businesses will open with lots of restrictions plus restaurants with outdoor seating will be allowed to have outdoor service only with people spaced apart appropriately.  Plus my stylist is talking about all the restrictions they will have in place at the salon on the 20th.  They will take people by appointment only, only allow a few customers in the shop at a time spaced apart, no sitting in the waiting area allowed, and all employees will be wearing masks and gloves and give any customer both if they don't have them when they arrive.  Needless to say I'm not going to rush in for a haircut any time soon.  My hair is on the longer side anyway so another half inch isn't going to look awful.  Besides, my hair doesn't grow nearly as fast as it used to, and I color my own hair.  And we don't need to go to any restaurants either, we can wait on that.

Mr. Yeah No spoke with a limo. dealership about possibly buying a stretch MKT that comes with a built in partition separating the back of the vehicle from the front.  This vehicle has totally separate ventilation, air conditioning and heating in the back so the passengers will not share air with the driver at all.  Plus the passengers sit at quite a distance from the driver anyway.  I gave him this idea after reading some articles online.  One said that they thought stretch limos. would be a good alternative to use for isolating the driver from the passengers to reduce the chances of catching the virus.  He liked the idea also because a stretch is as good as an SUV in that it can accommodate more passengers, something he likes to have.  Plus he's already owned an MKT and likes the vehicle a lot.  So he's seriously considering this at least on a temporary basis and I am feeling more optimistic about this as a solution for when he eventually starts to get work.  We don't really know when that will be, though. 

I think everyone is realizing, including Andy Cuomo, that the reason NYC is seeing such a marked decline in cases and deaths is because the major thing that made it a hot spot in the first place was all the national and international travel to and from NYC in the form of airplanes and cruise ships.  So one of the main reasons things are getting better there is because there hasn't been much travel between NY and its nearby states and from other parts of the country and world to NYC.  When they'll start to think it's time to open all that up is anyone's guess but I'm thinking it won't be any time soon.  Of course, hubbie's main source of income is driving people to and from all the airports in NY, CT and MA.  I also worry about NYC opening up offices because the subway is a very bad place since people are always packed in like sardines.  The numbers could start to go up again just because of the subway if they're not careful.

 

Edited May 14, 2020 by Yeah No

[Kyanight]

[Teafortwo]

Hope everyone is okay. This is my first post from my phone so please bear with me. Just checking in, been very busy still cleaning decades of old stuff out it's gonna take time and with all the other cleaning I do (got groceries in store and also from delivery this week) I've been pretty swamped. And just feeling depressed from not going outside enough etc. Everytime I go out it's the same scary experience.  However, I met my across the street neighbors whose 2 yr old I've been waving to every night when we go to the window to cheer for the essential workers. Highlight of my day and they happened to be coming home from a walk when I was standing in front of my building yesterday evening. So we called to each other across the street. We were all masked except for the baby (he's actually not quite 2 yet). I do get nervous because now they are opening the window so wide he could fall out. I mean the full length of his little body! Mostly the young dad. Also I can no longer leave the curtain open when getting dressed LOL. Baby is so cute. Took awhile for him to see me and they have a ritual where he closes the shutters and I've been playing peekaboo with mine (only after they close the damn window).

[Teafortwo]

On 5/10/2020 at 8:36 PM, suomi said:

 

 

Anyway, Happy Mother's Day to everyone here whether or not you gave birth or adopted or married into kids or aunt-ed or fostered or whatever. Your families are lucky to have you. We are a wonderful bouquet of souls and you have no idea how often you keep me sane-ish. Mwah!

 

We are and I love the way you put that! So sorry to hear about all this but I like your positivity that at least you escaped her judgments. Still it is a horror story in many ways. I have not spoken to my own 'birth vessel' in 3 years for my own mental health. She sounds a bit like your daughter and poisoned so many relationships both within and outside the family. I do send her birthday cards and other cards on occasion and I've emailed her during this crisis. If she replies I don't read it. The last email  didI read proved why I don't, too upsetting. She mentioned seeing my childhood best friend who completely ostracized me after we moved when I was 11. It's so nuts that they are even in touch. That really really hurts. She's also in touch with my brother's best friend but she didn't hate my brother (only hates his wife and tried to break them up several times). She was always hostile to me. I dug up some old drawings I made in childhood, (Lord knows why I still have them) and she's screaming in all of them. My brother is 10 yrs younger than I. He was the golden child too but fortunately he is a lovely person and we have a good relationship. He confided in me the last time he was having marital troubles and I was finally successful in convincing him not to tell our mother. It's 4 years later now and things have improved in his marriage during that time. It was mostly an empty nest midlife crisis thing.

Your daughter's cruelty to animals is horrifying. Just heartbreaking. It is also illegal. I hope those poor puppies and the other dogs somehow found their way out.

Edited May 15, 2020 by Teafortwo

[suomi]

Teafortwo, thank you. I'm sorry to learn that you carry a sad burden but glad to hear that you and your brother are there for each other.

[suomi]

Has anyone watched the Ricky Gervais series on Netflix called Derek? It ran for three seasons starting in 2013. I just found it and from what I read online it was a love it or hate it show. It doesn't have a topic here (my guess is that it might be too polarizing) but I am loving it.

It takes place in a 23-bed facility funded by the government that houses impoverished elders. Gervais has an unspecified condition but is an unofficial careworker, he's a cheerleader and mood elevator for the residents and loved by all. 

It's raw, it's real, it's heartbreaking, it's hilarious. I never watched The Office but I think it's like that. One of the hangers-on (who sleeps in a trailer in the parking lot) is a sex addict and sometimes he pushes it over the line, toleration-wise. But the broken side of him that we're allowed to see is heartbreaking. We are asked to suspend belief, like how is he permitted to live in the parking lot or mingle with the residents? But just when you're disgusted by him the story veers in another direction and tears your heart out of your chest and hands it to you.

I binged the first season last night and had the best sob sessions. 

The manager is a lovely woman named Hannah and in one episode she says:

"I've learned that you've got to look after people. That it's important to care for people. That you shouldn't be selfish, you should try and look after the old and the ill and the weak, you know. And then you'll never be stuck for something to do because there'll always be people to look after. It never stops, there is no end. 

Yeah I've had a good life I think, I mean it's relative isn't it? I've had a better life than a lot of people. There are things I would've liked that haven't worked out, I suppose. I'm sick of worrying. I worry about a lot of stuff. Money, mostly. And this place. But there's no point in regretting anything 'cause I can change things if I need to, can't I? It's up to me."

The no-filters residents on the show remind me of when I worked the night shift in a memory care unit. Many of the patients were nocturnal so I had lots of company. I learned a lot from them and one thing still cracks me up. This was close to 20 years ago and most of the patients were in their 70s and 80s. Doing the math, they were born 10-20 years into the last century. Most were from this valley, born to farming families, many had never been more than 100 miles from here, even those with university degrees.

Two widows had grown up next door to each other, lived on the same block after they married, became demented at nearly the same time and had rooms next door to each other. They went nowhere without a baby doll in their arms and cared for them and each other constantly. 

I learned that pussy was a respectable term in their era. People with dementia often are incontinent only because they don't remember to use the bathroom. I was responsible for 12 residents (about half were incontinent) and I offered them the toilet every hour (or changed their pull-up every hour). When they successfully toileted they could wear the same pull-up all night and get a fresh one in the morning (and I didn't have to change wet clothing and bedding). 

Imagine my surprise on the first night when I offered the toilet to a little sweetie who asked if I was going to wipe her pussy. I woke another one to offer the toilet and she said are you here to clean my pussy? Most of them said that so I heard it all night long.

On the way home in the morning I laughed so hard I cried and from then on I was used to it. I never said it out loud but when someone hesitated to take my offer I could usually prompt her into agreeing by whispering in her ear "I'm here to take care of your pussy." 

Edited May 16, 2020 by suomi

[Roslyn]

At the start of this past week my husband received the dreaded call back to work. He has been home for 8 weeks and we have been enjoying just spending time together, doing house and yard projects and cooking.  We both limit any time spent with the news and most days were news free unless I stumbled onto tidbits here and there and a few quickly scanned headlines. Just enough to know "what is going on" without immersing ourselves into it.  But now...he has to travel again.  It has been peaceful because I didn't get caught up worrying about him out there, but now...who knows. His company is still not allowing air travel, but with the 12 hours drive time allowed, that gets him a very large chunk of the Mid Atlantic region to Central South East and up to New England.

We have developed a system when coming out of stores and he will carry on, but he isn't sure exactly how to approach a supposedly clean hotel room.  I think that he should carry a spray disinfectant and enter the room and spray surfaces before bringing his suitcase etc inside. Naturally the only one that we could find needs a spray bottle instead of a handy spray can of Lysol.  I have checked the stores every time I have gone into any store this entire time and have never found any kind of spray can or bottle of disinfectant cleaner, just the jumbo gallon jug at Lowe's.  As we have done from the beginning, it will be one day at a time.

 For the most part in my little town people are respectful, wear masks inside of the stores (which are now posted that it is required) and are respectful of distance as can be...sometimes you just need to walk closer. I did experience one very whiney person... If I didn't see who was speaking I would have thought it was a 12 year old.  He had his mask pulled down to cover his chin...and was complaining about the selection of frozen treats/ice creams in the market.  I kept a wide path from him and rolled my eyes...even my own children wouldn't have acted that way when they were 12. 🙄

My biggest complaint through all of this...the great state(commonwealth) of Pennsysylvania's laws with the state operated liquor stores...🙄  While I usually have a selection of our favorite whiskeys, bourbons and rum...and my dark berry and Elderberry Sangria steeping in the fridge...I am not in the habit of buying my cooking wine in quantity.  Pa shut down the liquor stores with a 24 hour notice and the stores were understandably packed until they closed.  About a week or two later they started a limited online ordering...which was a shit show.  They limited how many people could actually get into the site and only buy 6 bottles of liquor or wine per order.  It was easier to hit the powerball rather that get into this site.  After about 4 weeks they put out a very limited curb side pickup to a limited number of brick and mortar stores.  You needed to call in a 4 hour per day window...good luck actually getting through to place an order.

I was on my last drops of cooking wine and had put a small secret stash of my Jameson in the back of my pantry...when I "hit the lottery" and was able to place an order online.  I finally get a few bottles to cook with and a bottle of rum and whiskey...when 7 days later our county has stated it has lowered the DEFCON Red to DEFCON yellow and the liquor stores are reopening...

So.  Anyone in a state where you could actually get alcohol...consider yourself lucky.  And hopefully Pennsylvania might wake up and enter the rest of the world and allow us to buy alcohol like the rest of the states. 

[Gramto6]

Fortunately Montana's state run liquor stores remained open. Guess someone in the Capitol considered liquor "essential"! LOL 

[Kyanight]

Liquor is very easy to get in Colorado, too.  We have a lot of drive-thru liquor stores nearby, and restaurants sell it as well - although it differs from place to place.

I had an eye appointment today which made me pretty nervous, but I can't find my glasses anywhere and I haven't been in to be seen since 2013.  (Apparently).  Target had a long line waiting to get into the store - all standing 6 feet behind each other. A person comes out - they let a person walk in.  About 75% of the people did NOT have masks, I am sorry to say.  Everyone in the optical store was wearing masks.  My cataracts are a "3 out of 4" severe, and she doesn't want me driving any more until I have surgery.  She wrote me a referral.   Anyway - an eye appointment wearing a mask is a HUGE pain in the butt.  The lenses of the machines kept fogging up on either MY side or HER side - and we'd have to sit back and wait a few seconds for the fog to clear... OVER and OVER.  I'm sure many of you have had this surgery before - was it a piece of cake?  I HATE having crap done to my eyes.  So tell me it was a piece of cake!  What with Covid I don't know WHEN I will be able to get in, so my driving days may be numbered.    So I tell you all right now.... if my postings are all a big mess of mistakes.... I excuse it by saying it's hard for me to see the blurry screen!  Now I cn typo howwevery I wanntoo an I has a excuce.

My son had called in a Panda Express lunch order because it's right there by Target.  I was impressed - you WILL wear a mask into the place or you will not come in.  An entitled couple walked in and they told them they would have to come back with a mask so they walked out.  I offered them the use of one I had in my car (untouched and clean!) and the woman said she "can't wear masks".  She then went off on a tangent but by this time she was in her monster truck with her husband and cars were all over the place and I couldn't really hear her, ha ha.  My hearing is so bad.  My son said she was taking her frustration out on me.  I told her she was "welcome anyway", but she didn't hear.. she was roaring off in her behemoth truck.  My son said I shouldn't even have offered her the mask but it doesn't cost a penny to be nice..  If she can't wear a mask, why couldn't her husband wear a mask to walk in and get the food?  Or she could stay home and her husband (again wearing a mask) could pick it up and she wouldn't even have to go out?)  We call bull on her excuse.  She and her hubby and even the enormous fully-loaded monster truck they rode in on (with honking floodlights) - are entitled.

Michaels was PACKED - no limits to how many people could cram into the store.  Their parking lot was full.  (I saw it because it's next to Target.) People coming and going weren't wearing masks.  Barnes & Noble was still closed.  World Market will do curbside orders.  (Saw it on the door as I walked down the sidewalk to - you guessed it - Target optical.)

Traffic was TERRIBLE TERRIBLE.... so I ask you all. WHAT Coronavirus?  It seems that in Colorado - the Covid has left the building!

::snort::

[Kohola3]

39 minutes ago, Kyanight said:

If she can't wear a mask, why couldn't her husband wear a mask to walk in and get the food?

As I said I have been avoiding FB but I did post a "thank you" to the independent grocery store for their efforts and said that I appreciate the fact that they are enforcing the mask rule.  And some jerk posted that "I can't wear a mask for medical reasons" (huh?) so should he be refused service.  I replied that I would be more than happy to do his shopping for him to keep hims safe.  Naturally, no reply to that.

41 minutes ago, Kyanight said:

Michaels was PACKED - no limits to how many people could cram into the store.  Their parking lot was full.  (I saw it because it's next to Target.) People coming and going weren't wearing masks. 

Heh - they would probably claim they were going in to buy materials to make masks.

[AZChristian]

1 hour ago, Kyanight said:

I had an eye appointment today which made me pretty nervous,

I had to see a dentist this week for an active toothache that I thought might require a root canal (and may yet, but he said, "Let's wait and see.  No sense on doing something you don't need.").  Yep, scary.  No way you're getting through a dental appointment with a mask on.

But I wear mine anywhere else I go.  We're going on a cruise in May 2021, which will require a long bus ride to and from the pier.  I've already decided that any time I have to be in an enclosed environment with a bunch of strangers, I'm wearing a mask.  I've worn one on planes for years, but am now expanding the scenarios which will cause me to protect myself.

Keep on keeping safe!!!