wrestlesflamingos February 27, 2015 Share February 27, 2015 If positive thinking is too sunshine and flowers for you, start with balanced observation. It's simple. You feel hungry, you think of the last time you were not hungry, when you were full. You feel sad, recall happiness. This is a really tough one: you feel frustration, you recall someone showing you patience. I have to work on that a lot. Often. Maybe even right now. The idea behind these thought games are to remind your emotions that other possibilities exists and that feelings are not permanent. It can be hard. Emotion is loud, reason is quiet, wisdom silent. I cover this in my book 'Advice No One Asked for and Other Stuff I Wrote on the Internet.' 13 Link to comment
Absolom February 27, 2015 Share February 27, 2015 I was practicing that a lot in real life yesterday. My mother has dementia and mid-conversation she lost that she was talking to me and began to rant about me thinking she was talking to a social worker. Rather than contradict her, I played the part of the social worker so she was left happy and smiling at the end of the conversation. I had to laugh at the acting so I wouldn't be crying over the dementia worsening. 7 Link to comment
wrestlesflamingos February 27, 2015 Share February 27, 2015 That's really, really hard. Were her complaints fair? That would make it so much worse for me. 2 Link to comment
Absolom February 27, 2015 Share February 27, 2015 No, her complaint was one of long standing and basically groundless. She keeps complaining that I "stole" my father's medical power of attorney. He made me the decision maker two years ago because as he said "she's gone crazy in her head and don't know what she's doing." She swears long and loudly that he's her husband and she should make all the decisions about him. She, who can't remember where he is, what type cancer he has, what kind of dementia he has (it's different from hers), what meds he's on and what they are for, etc., thinks she should decide whether he should be on Seroquel or not? I don't think so. My ploy yesterday was to explain, playing the social worker, that he was indeed of sound mind when he made the decision. That he understood what he wanted medically so was also of sound mind when he picked their daughter. I explained he was saving her trouble and grief because he knew the daughter would look at things objectively not emotionally and that he was saving her from tough and troubling decisions. She bought it at the time. That I make decisions for my father is a super sore point for her. She's also in denial that she has dementia herself and gets extremely angry if anyone suggests it. She has almost no conception of her decline in mental functioning. I know she blames me for almost everything that goes wrong. She used to blame Obama. I wonder if I can get her to blame him again. It was the first time she has not known she was talking to me so that made it harder handle. At least now I'll be prepared when she doesn't recognize me or other family members. It was odd that it happened mid-conversation. 5 Link to comment
mbutterfly February 27, 2015 Share February 27, 2015 I was practicing that a lot in real life yesterday. My mother has dementia and mid-conversation she lost that she was talking to me and began to rant about me thinking she was talking to a social worker. Rather than contradict her, I played the part of the social worker so she was left happy and smiling at the end of the conversation. I had to laugh at the acting so I wouldn't be crying over the dementia worsening. We have a family friend whose father-in-law had to retire early from the ministry because he has the same brain cancer that Ted Kennedy had. He just went into hospice, but the past few months have been so difficult as he has lost all sense of boundaries and screening. He is like the opposite person from the gentle man he was before. It is so very difficult, but I know one must laugh because that is all that makes it bearable. I was just talking with her this morning. So difficult. 3 Link to comment
wrestlesflamingos February 27, 2015 Share February 27, 2015 I know she blames me for almost everything that goes wrong. She used to blame Obama. I wonder if I can get her to blame him again. It was the first time she has not known she was talking to me so that made it harder handle. At least now I'll be prepared when she doesn't recognize me or other family members. It was odd that it happened mid-conversation. Full, rolling belly laugh. Everything else is awful but you seem to have some grace about it. 3 Link to comment
mbutterfly February 27, 2015 Share February 27, 2015 Yes, I liked that "used to blame Obama" too. Healthy laughter. 3 Link to comment
Almost 3000 February 27, 2015 Share February 27, 2015 No, her complaint was one of long standing and basically groundless. She keeps complaining that I "stole" my father's medical power of attorney. He made me the decision maker two years ago because as he said "she's gone crazy in her head and don't know what she's doing." She swears long and loudly that he's her husband and she should make all the decisions about him. She, who can't remember where he is, what type cancer he has, what kind of dementia he has (it's different from hers), what meds he's on and what they are for, etc., thinks she should decide whether he should be on Seroquel or not? I don't think so. My ploy yesterday was to explain, playing the social worker, that he was indeed of sound mind when he made the decision. That he understood what he wanted medically so was also of sound mind when he picked their daughter. I explained he was saving her trouble and grief because he knew the daughter would look at things objectively not emotionally and that he was saving her from tough and troubling decisions. She bought it at the time. That I make decisions for my father is a super sore point for her. She's also in denial that she has dementia herself and gets extremely angry if anyone suggests it. She has almost no conception of her decline in mental functioning. I know she blames me for almost everything that goes wrong. She used to blame Obama. I wonder if I can get her to blame him again. It was the first time she has not known she was talking to me so that made it harder handle. At least now I'll be prepared when she doesn't recognize me or other family members. It was odd that it happened mid-conversation. I'm so sorry. My mom couldn't talk at all to me today. I don't know which is worse. 2 Link to comment
Jellybeans February 27, 2015 Share February 27, 2015 I'm so sorry. My mom couldn't talk at all to me today. I don't know which is worse. My mom and I do not talk and that is by choice. I think not talking has to be harder. :-( 3 Link to comment
Absolom February 27, 2015 Share February 27, 2015 Thanks for the laughs and support. Grace with the dementia comes with time and trying to understand and learning about it. It's also something I'll likely never fully master. I'm not sure about not knowing me or not talking, but I think the not talking would be harder for me. I know that's likely in our future. So sorry for you going through that. 4 Link to comment
CousinAmy February 27, 2015 Share February 27, 2015 My mom was pretty clear until the last few months before she died but I've heard of others whose parents became extremely paranoid about people stealing from them, blaming children, etc. My boyfriend's father lived to 100 and did start suffering from dementia about a year before he died. He also voiced resentments towards his two children. For some reason, he wrote a new will when he was about 97. He cut both his daughter and his step-daughter (who was the one in Florida basically taking care of him) out of the will, left some money to the step-daughter's brother - whom he barely knew - and left about $40,000 to my boyfriend. (He never told his sister that she wasn't in the will, but he will share his inheritance with both women.) We discussed whether the will could be challenged based on his mental condition, but he had been in complete control three years before, so it would have been fruitless. I'm hoping that they have both a treatment and a cure for Alzheimer's before I hit that danger zone in 20 years (I'm in my sixties now). 2 Link to comment
wrestlesflamingos February 27, 2015 Share February 27, 2015 Alzheimers, some forms of diabetes, some types of MS, certain cancers, and maybe even ALS could be cured in the next 20 years. It's exciting and terrifying. Humanity is going to leap forward in life span probably with an already existing generation of people. 4 Link to comment
wrestlesflamingos March 1, 2015 Share March 1, 2015 This is the small talk zone. Is anyone raising kids close to Will or Zoe's age? Has anyone adopted? Link to comment
walnutqueen March 1, 2015 Share March 1, 2015 Me too. :-( No kids, adopted or otherwise. I'm all about the animals. :-) 1 Link to comment
Absolom March 1, 2015 Share March 1, 2015 I have a grandson who is not quite 3. There are a lot of similarities in his behavior and Will's. He's taller than Will so it helps me keep Will's size in perspective. Link to comment
Wellfleet March 1, 2015 Share March 1, 2015 I'm sad about Leonard Nimoy :( Me too. PS - I don't check Twitter too often. Only when I think about it, which is about once a month. But I loved what Seth MacFarlane tweeted on Friday - "Leonard Nimoy brought us one of the greatest, noblest characters in the history of American storytelling. Someone find the Genesis planet." Spot-on, Seth. 3 Link to comment
eributterfly March 4, 2015 Share March 4, 2015 So true and yet after spending all that money on a custom kitchen Jen was still filmed getting on top of the counter to retrieve dinner plates. Her shoes were on a counter where food gets prepared!?! I thought custom was to make every day tasks accessible and easy and of course safe. I can remember the episode when they were doing a final walk through and Jen was acting as though she had no info on what measurements were in reference to the kitchen and bathroom. She was reaching for the faucets and they were to far for her to reach and asked the home builder if they could be placed on the side instead of the back. It made me think that she had absolutely no input during the building and measuring of the kitchen sinks. I know she works a lot but, give me a break. They did also say that they are aware that if they move they will have to remodel the kitchen and bathrooms, so I am assuming they aren't worried about the expenses of that in the future. Link to comment
eributterfly March 4, 2015 Share March 4, 2015 This maybe off subject but I am watching the Hamils, I think is the name. Is it me, or do they seem real. It has always boggled my mind that Bill and Jen have never had little people friends on the show. It leads me to believe that when they were young children, in addition to being told they were no different they were also not taken around other little people to bring that point home. I look at the Roloffs and now the Hamils and even the little women of la, they grew up with other little people and have life long friendships. Not so much for Jen and Bill, it's almost as if they believe they are not little or would not want to be in a group of little people. 1 Link to comment
ZoloftBlob March 4, 2015 Share March 4, 2015 It has always boggled my mind that Bill and Jen have never had little people friends on the show. It leads me to believe that when they were young children, in addition to being told they were no different they were also not taken around other little people to bring that point home. I look at the Roloffs and now the Hamils and even the little women of la, they grew up with other little people and have life long friendships. Actually Amy Roloff has always been pretty upfront that she never knew little people growing up and that she only socialized with little people at little people conventions. The little women of LA are in Los Angeles, a large city focused on entertainment where little people can get work. Before I moved to a large city in the southwest (and went to work for an employer that prided itself on hiring in a diverse manner) I could count on one finger the number of little people I had actually met. One. And I went to college In the Northeast. Google says there are 30k dwarfs in America. Houston has 2.19 million people. The reality is that people with dwarfism don't really have opportunity to have day to day interation with other dwarfs unless they live in Los Angeles. 3 Link to comment
walnutqueen March 4, 2015 Share March 4, 2015 (edited) Since this is the off topic thread, I just want to share with you, my friends, that I had another friend I reached out to on another PTV forum. She shared with us all about her childhood trauma and current frame of mind in a beautiful and most honest way that touched me and many other posters deeply. We barely got to know each other before she was gone, and I am mourning her loss. Her name was Kathy - which we'd never have known had it not been for her niece posting on her behalf after she died during surgery. It struck me that we all need connection and communion - some of us have found it here through this lovely vehicle known as PTV. Time out for PEACE and COMPASSION, y'all. Edited March 4, 2015 by walnutqueen 7 Link to comment
wrestlesflamingos March 4, 2015 Share March 4, 2015 Do you feel comfortable sharing her screen name? Many of us have moved in the same circles and probably knew her. Farewell Kathy, you will be remembered! Link to comment
Jellybeans March 4, 2015 Share March 4, 2015 Do you feel comfortable sharing her screen name? Many of us have moved in the same circles and probably knew her. Farewell Kathy, you will be remembered! I lost my daughter 5.6 years ago and nothing makes me feel better when someone remembers her name. 4 Link to comment
Absolom March 4, 2015 Share March 4, 2015 That is so sad. I'm glad her niece let everyone know. On the little person question, even though we live in a large city I've only ever known one little person. With all my kids in school, there has never been a little person at their school. The only little person that I encountered was at work and like ZB, it was working for an employer that actively sought diversity in the workplace. Outside of that the only place I've even seen little people in person was Hollywood or Burbank. Our county does have a chapter of LPA so there must be enough to form a group, but definitely not a sufficient number to be readily visible. It would not surprise me at all if was difficult to find and make little person friends. Link to comment
walnutqueen March 4, 2015 Share March 4, 2015 Do you feel comfortable sharing her screen name? Many of us have moved in the same circles and probably knew her. Farewell Kathy, you will be remembered! OK, I'll share with you the lady who struck a chord deep inside my black old my heart; in, of all places, the RHoBH small talk forum : ub40fan, may her sweet smart soul find solace somewhere. We bonded over David's doggie, Gordon Lightfoot, and the rest is history. 4 Link to comment
Wellfleet March 4, 2015 Share March 4, 2015 This maybe off subject but I am watching the Hamils, I think is the name. Is it me, or do they seem real. It has always boggled my mind that Bill and Jen have never had little people friends on the show. It leads me to believe that when they were young children, in addition to being told they were no different they were also not taken around other little people to bring that point home. I look at the Roloffs and now the Hamils and even the little women of la, they grew up with other little people and have life long friendships. Not so much for Jen and Bill, it's almost as if they believe they are not little or would not want to be in a group of little people. Agree. The one thing that has always seemed a little off about this show is that we never see Bill or Jen with any other little people. In general, most people are most comfortable with people with whom they share a lot of characteristics and experiences. While it would be very admirable if Bill and Jen were both raised to believe they were no less capable than average-statured people, it's also important to be taught to accept who and what you are. To accept your strengths AND your limitations. Average-statured people have them too. We all have things we can do, and things we'll probably never be able to do. As Amy Roloff said, "We can do all the things other people can do, just in a different way..." If they were raised with a COMPLETE disregard for the fact that they ARE little people, so much so that they avoid friendships and relationships with them, well that somehow just doesn't seem right - or healthy. I hope they actually have good LP friends - and for whatever reason it's just not being shown. Link to comment
Jellybeans March 5, 2015 Share March 5, 2015 Why should they associate with LP? Because they are LP? I am deaf and have MS. I don't associate with either group. Common interests make people my friends. Being a LP does not mean you feel a need for other LP in your life. I recall a party given and Jen's collegues came. Same for Bill. 5 Link to comment
Llama March 5, 2015 Share March 5, 2015 OK, I'll share with you the lady who struck a chord deep inside my black old my heart; in, of all places, the RHoBH small talk forum : ub40fan, may her sweet smart soul find solace somewhere. We bonded over David's doggie, Gordon Lightfoot, and the rest is history. Thank you for sharing. I remember her. So sorry for your loss. The web can be a great place at times in helping those find each other just when they need to. My thoughts and prayers to Kathy and her family. 2 Link to comment
walnutqueen March 5, 2015 Share March 5, 2015 Thank you for sharing. I remember her. So sorry for your loss. The web can be a great place at times in helping those find each other just when they need to. My thoughts and prayers to Kathy and her family. Right back at you, Llama, Any loss is our to share, eh. And hey, a box boy just begged a ciggie from me in the parking lot: when I shared my 120s and told him I am turning 60, he said "No fucking way!". Must've been the classic Mustang logo t-shirt, eh!? :-) 3 Link to comment
wrestlesflamingos March 5, 2015 Share March 5, 2015 Well, I was going to guess 90 when you wrote box boy... Find a hobby that doesn't make your body hurt. Love, former smoker. 3 Link to comment
walnutqueen March 5, 2015 Share March 5, 2015 Well, I was going to guess 90 when you wrote box boy... Find a hobby that doesn't make your body hurt. Love, former smoker. Fuck you, you shit stirrer, you - there's nothing more sanctimonious than a reformed whore or ex-smoker!!! And 90!? Bite my tight ass (the one that the box boy imagined lurking under the XXXLg $3 t-shirt from Kohl's, eh!!!). 5 Link to comment
walnutqueen March 5, 2015 Share March 5, 2015 Hey - I'm an Orthodox whore. Is that anything like Greek Orthodox? Because I knew a guy called "Father David" ... he had a goddamned church and the BEST laugh EVER! He told me God doesn't care what the hell you do IRL; so there's Hope for us all, eh! :-) 3 Link to comment
Foghorn Leghorn March 5, 2015 Share March 5, 2015 Why should they associate with LP? Because they are LP? I am deaf and have MS. I don't associate with either group. Common interests make people my friends. Being a LP does not mean you feel a need for other LP in your life. I recall a party given and Jen's collegues came. Same for Bill. Ok so common interests make people your friends yet you choose not to associate with groups you have the same common interest with. It seems that would be a common interest. And I guess Jen and Bill's colleagues do not include little people which means they likely don't hire them. Just a thought. 1 Link to comment
CousinAmy March 5, 2015 Share March 5, 2015 I wear glasses. I make a concerted effort to only associate with people who also wear glasses. We spend most of our time sitting around talking about our glasses. Next month I'm going to have cataract surgery and hopefully can throw away my glasses after 60 years of wearing them. Unfortunately, I'm afraid I won't have any friends left. 9 Link to comment
Absolom March 5, 2015 Share March 5, 2015 I, too, have a chronic disease and while I know some people who also have it, they are not my close friends. I am certainly way more than my height (I'm short) or a disease I happen to have. I expect Jen and Bill are the same way. If some little people came into their lives with whom they shared hobbies, work interests, or children the same age, they might become friends but because of every day interests not their stature. 3 Link to comment
Jellybeans March 5, 2015 Share March 5, 2015 Ok so common interests make people your friends yet you choose not to associate with groups you have the same common interest with. It seems that would be a common interest. Seriously? Are you serious? OMG. So all people with blue eyes should be friends with others with blue eyes because they have the same common interests. 4 Link to comment
SistaLadybug March 5, 2015 Share March 5, 2015 This is a slippery slope, IMO. It's starting to sound like I should only have short Black friends because I'm short and Black. How can we not see that such an assertion is dangerous? 5 Link to comment
wrestlesflamingos March 5, 2015 Share March 5, 2015 I would have to spend my time with jerks. <sadface> I think the original thought was Jen/Bill do not have friends that are little people. From that post we've taken a strange path. Lets regroup and pick another path, please. 5 Link to comment
Absolom March 5, 2015 Share March 5, 2015 How many little people are there in Houston? Does anyone track numbers like that? Link to comment
Wellfleet March 5, 2015 Share March 5, 2015 I would have to spend my time with jerks. <sadface> I think the original thought was Jen/Bill do not have friends that are little people. From that post we've taken a strange path. Lets regroup and pick another path, please. Personally I think they do have LP friends of longstanding, and it just isn't shown because there is only so much time - and more interesting things to show... Link to comment
ZoloftBlob March 5, 2015 Share March 5, 2015 I can't believe I spent my lunch break doing the math. Based on the population of Houston - 2.19 million, and the live birth rates of people with achrondroplasia, SED and dyastrophic dwarfism, the three commonest forms, there would be in the greater Houston area, 84 achons, 23 SED and 19 diastrophic dwarfs. So out of the 2.19 million , there's 126 dwarfs (possiblely a few more or less). 2 Link to comment
Absolom March 5, 2015 Share March 5, 2015 The odds aren't terribly good for finding a friend in that group then since that would be spread over the entire age range. Thanks for all that effort by the way. So 1 or 2 around age 40. Still no word on when the show is coming back? 1 Link to comment
walnutqueen March 6, 2015 Share March 6, 2015 I would have to spend my time with jerks. <sadface> I think the original thought was Jen/Bill do not have friends that are little people. From that post we've taken a strange path. Lets regroup and pick another path, please. I am a TOTAL jerk(off), so come sit by me, wf!!! Bye the wayside, I've made some friends here, fer sure, but all joking aside I actually DID make the friend of my life and heart and soul right here on PTV. So, thank you, David T. Cole, Gordon Lightfoot (wooff woffie) and everyone here - I have a "girlfriend" who might actually notice if I am dead and gone. BIG F'ING DEAL - huuuge! We talk in the middle of the night until my phone batteries die. And that - is HEAVEN on Earth. (I am easily satisfied and amused!). Just sayin' 5 Link to comment
mbutterfly March 6, 2015 Share March 6, 2015 Personally I think they do have LP friends of longstanding, and it just isn't shown because there is only so much time - and more interesting things to show... They had a passing reference to the Roloffs once, right? Mentioned meeting them in connection with LPA (and the stool). 1 Link to comment
ZoloftBlob March 6, 2015 Share March 6, 2015 And I guess Jen and Bill's colleagues do not include little people which means they likely don't hire them. Just a thought. Mathematically speaking, there's 126 or so little people in the Greater Houston area. If they were to work at Bill's pet shop, they would need to be interested in that line of work and I somehow don't see that business as needing a lot of workers. If Bill was hiring, in other words, I don't see him hiring a LOT, and frankly with a small family run business, its unrealistic to think he's hiring at all. At the hospital, Jen is a doctor, not in HR. Jen could probably give a recommendation but she's not the person who hires and fires at the hospital. At the home? Aren't we regaled constantly with how dwarfs aren't physically capable of lifting Will? Why would the Kleins hire a nanny or a maid that had the same problems they have? I know you're dancing around it so I will just ask - what are you suggesting here? That the Kleins hate their own kind? 6 Link to comment
Foghorn Leghorn March 6, 2015 Share March 6, 2015 Seriously? Are you serious? OMG. I think you contradicted yourself in the original post and I found that confusing. To clarify I never implied or meant like things belong together. I suppose groups like LPA and Mensa are there for a reason. 1 Link to comment
NikSac March 7, 2015 Share March 7, 2015 Personally I think they do have LP friends of longstanding, and it just isn't shown because there is only so much time - and more interesting things to show... Agreed - plus, how many of those people are willing to sign TV contracts? 2 Link to comment
walnutqueen March 7, 2015 Share March 7, 2015 I think you contradicted yourself in the original post and I found that confusing. To clarify I never implied or meant like things belong together. I suppose groups like LPA and Mensa are there for a reason. LPA & Mensa!?! WTF? WTFF? 2 Link to comment
Foghorn Leghorn March 7, 2015 Share March 7, 2015 LPA & Mensa!?! WTF? WTFF? Examples of groups that have a common bond. LPA is Little People of America Mensa is a high IQ society 1 Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.