S01.E01: Meeting Cait

[GaT]

This isn't rewriting history.  She still is the same person who competed at the Olympics and won the gold medal. It's simply referring to her as who she is in the present rather than who she had to be in the past.

 

This is not a great example, but compare this with a woman who changes her name upon marriage.  We call her Mrs. MarriedName.  When speaking about things she did in high school, we are still referring to her as Mrs. MarriedName rather than Mrs. MaidenName.  Or, look at the gazillion celebrities who change their name for whatever reason.  We don't call Fergie "Stacy Ann" when discussing things she did before she professionally and legally changed her name.  It's not revising history in any way to refer to who she is in the present even if she was called something different in the past.  

I have to disagree with you. It's not the same as a simple name change, & I think by the logic you're using instead of changing the name of who won the Olympic medal, they would have to take it away. Bruce Jenner won the MEN's decathlon, it's an event that only men can compete in. Caitlyn would not have been allowed to compete in that event, so she could not have won. If the winner of the event really was a female who was basically just hidden inside Bruce, then the medal should be taken away from Caitlyn & given to the silver medalist, who I'm assuming is a male.

[Human]

I have to disagree with you. It's not the same as a simple name change, & I think by the logic you're using instead of changing the name of who won the Olympic medal, they would have to take it away. Bruce Jenner won the MEN's decathlon, it's an event that only men can compete in. Caitlyn would not have been allowed to compete in that event, so she could not have won. If the winner of the event really was a female who was basically just hidden inside Bruce, then the medal should be taken away from Caitlyn & given to the silver medalist, who I'm assuming is a male.

Nope.  Caitlyn Jenner won the gold medal at the 1976 Olympics, and she fulfilled all of the requirements of the IOC at the time.  The IOC has already ruled on this.  It does not matter that she is known by a different name today or that she has transitioned.  There are thousands of past Olympic athletes who today would not qualify for their medal but doesn't change the fact that when they competed, they qualified based on the rules of the IOC at the time.  Thankfully the IOC has become a bit more civilized as it pertains to gender identity.

 

The issue here is really about how we refer to Caitlyn when speaking of her past.  We refer to her by her name and the pronoun she has requested in the present.  She has said "Call me Cait, I am Cait, use female pronouns."  That's what we should do, even when we are discussing her past.  If speaking with a person who is confused or is not aware of who Caitlyn Jenner might be, it would be appropriate to note that she was formerly known as Bruce Jenner but then to continue to refer to her as her name in the present, which is Caitlyn.  

 

In short, the easy rule of thumb is that we call people what they've asked to be called in the present, even when talking about their past.  

[itainttippithebird]

Just to back up what @Human said above - referring to a trans person by their "dead name" is considered a microaggression - it feels, for many, like a way of reminding everyone in the conversation of the person's trans status and a way of subtly invalidating their gender. They may also feel uncomfortable being reminded of that dead name, which can carry a lot of psychic baggage. It's a matter of respect.

 

I guess I wonder why it feels so important to some here to refer to Caitlin by her old name? What does that do for you? It's not as if we, in this forum on a show about her, will be confused when you say that Caitlin Jenner won the Olympics. Why is it more important to say her old name than to respect her identity?

Edited July 29, 2015 by actnormalbitch

[Kromm]

See, this is one of those areas where modern theory runs right up against a wall when describing stuff like this. "Microaggression"?  Okay, I looked it up. Maybe it makes me square and doomed to offend the hell out of an entire generation that came after me, but I think a kind of passive-aggressive aura of disapproval hangs over discussions when a card like that is pulled.

 

In terms of Caitlyn herself, why assume the worst of people using her old name, when we've seen Caitlyn and her own circle of confidantes do so? Earlier I used that as a defense of actually using that older name, but lets remove that from the equation if we've reduced this to motives and just focus on the later. I don't think it necessarily comes down to a silent insult to the trans person if an outside person, struggling with new concepts, simply follows what they've observed, and yes, to a degree what seems to make grammatical and logical sense in some ways to minds (for good or ill) used to associating appearances to identity.  People think "Bruce" when they see the following:

 

 

And I don't think it necessarily comes down to them rejecting Bruce's new status as Caitlyn to struggle with that association. We're a visual species and retraining that aspect often comes down to intent, but over laziness, moreso than over "microaggression".

[Kromm]

Now IMO that's totally different from someone seeing this:

 

 

And as I think we've all already observed places on the Internet, people playing the "what do I call this person" game (using "it" or acting faux-confused and still using "he" or "Bruce").  That's not even microagression, of course, that's major aggression.

[kathe5133]

My understanding is that on this forum she is Caitlyn, she is a she, and that is how we should refer to her.  Past, present, and future.   I like the analogy of the married versus maiden name and will keep that in mind moving forward.

[itainttippithebird]

My intention was just to explain why it is hurtful to trans people when others insist on using their old name.  It can also be hurtful to other trans people to hear people insist on using someone else's dead name around them, and it signals to other cis people that it's ok to use that name even if it's not.

 

As for the fact that Caitlin and others around her use it, I think Human said it best upthread - this is a transition process and we have to read it through that lens - a messy, partial, process of translation that will take awhile for her family and friends to work through, and she may be using the name occasionally as a way of helping them understand her transition.

Edited July 29, 2015 by actnormalbitch

[jonesingjay]

I enjoyed it for the most part. I was also hoping for a more documentary style feel to it. We knew Bruce. Now, we've met Caitlyn, but I would've been interested in seeing the in-between from going from him to the her that she always knew who she was her entire life. It's somewhat glossy, but it's only the first episode. I'm optimistic from the previews of the upcoming season, that it'll delve more deeply.

[iwasish]

I enjoyed it for the most part. I was also hoping for a more documentary style feel to it. We knew Bruce. Now, we've met Caitlyn, but I would've been interested in seeing the in-between from going from him to the her that she always knew who she was her entire life. It's somewhat glossy, but it's only the first episode. I'm optimistic from the previews of the upcoming season, that it'll delve more deeply.

I feel like a big part of Caitlyn's journey was that time she spent in Malibu after separating and then divorcing Kris. For me, seeing her go from scenes like the one where she, Khloe and Scott are in Pismo Beach dune bugging,  to greeting her mom and sisters as "Caitlyn" is jarring. Obviously up in Malibu she did a lot of self evaluation of her life and her future, and when we see her in  this show she is well into her transition and we join her there.  Had Caitlyn documented that time and  chose to share it with viewers, I think the reveal wouldn't  seem as if it happened overnight.

[Kromm]

I don't know how I'd react to a "more documentary style feel". The problem is that it still wouldn't BE a documentary, with the narrative integrity that implies. 

 

Already in the form it's in, it's been surprising to me how many people are reacting to the scenes shown as if they're inherently real and reliable. I can't imagine how much worse that would be if they added more "shakey-cam", pull-backs on the filming crew, and other docu-style quirks.

[nexxie]

I have to believe they'll fill in some history that is necessary to understanding the whole journey. Esther's story about Bruce not wanting new clothes as a boy was an interesting bit. For many years Bruce packed women's clothing in his suitcases and went out as a woman. The issue destroyed at least two of three marriages - so there is a lot of history to cover. Maybe they'll do it with more personal stories from various people. Really hope the four older Jenner kids had a change of heart and taped some segments - and I would love to see Caitlyn with Eva and her other grandbabies!

Edited July 29, 2015 by nexxie

[Kromm]

Really hope the four older Jenner kids had a change of heart and taped some segments

What are we expecting they'd say though?  "We barely knew our Dad before anyway?"

[nexxie]

What are we expecting they'd say though? "We barely knew our Dad before anyway?"

Well, Brody saw his dad with breasts when he was a little kid - I'd like to hear why Linda explained it the way she did and what she thought of Bruce marrying again when they broke up over his gender issues. That's for one thing - there are so many things Caitlyn's kids and ex-wives could add to the conversation. Had to be so confusing for all concerned! Edited July 29, 2015 by nexxie

[nexxie]

I'm not sure that Kim and Kanye showed up to grab some reflected glory - it seems to me that they are bigger "stars" than Caitlyn was - up until the debut of her series, I guess - and so they were there to help the ratings, not themselves.

Perception is huge, as Kanye pointed out - Kim was representing the family (as Caitlyn had asked earlier), and especially her mother, as always. And Kanye was representing Kanye, as always. imo both wanted to be perceived as supportive of Caitlyn and of the community she is part of.

[jonesingjay]

I feel like a big part of Caitlyn's journey was that time she spent in Malibu after separating and then divorcing Kris. For me, seeing her go from scenes like the one where she, Khloe and Scott are in Pismo Beach dune bugging,  to greeting her mom and sisters as "Caitlyn" is jarring. Obviously up in Malibu she did a lot of self evaluation of her life and her future, and when we see her in  this show she is well into her transition and we join her there.  Had Caitlyn documented that time and  chose to share it with viewers, I think the reveal wouldn't  seem as if it happened overnight.

 

Yeah, jarring is the word. I was hopeful that we'd see the steps she took documented to physically and emotionally become Caitlyn. This is the part that is lacking for me. Instead, we are meeting her as this already fully realized person, and I think the documenting the journey to get there could've possibly been more interesting. I'm still optimistic that this show will possibly dig a bit deeper.

[iwasish]

Even if the Malibu stuff was strictly Caitlyn talking to a camera, no producers or directors, just her giving a narrative or just a kind of diary. Or a camera that videoed her around the house while she lived as her future self.

I see her eating lunch with Khloe and Scott, talking with her mouthful, nothing feminine there. And this is during the time she is talking to the family off camera about the gender issues. And mere months later she's doing a ladies lunch with sisters and mom, all dainty like.

[bichonblitz]

Oh I never realized he was he talking about Kim as a supermodel?  I thought he must be talking about one of the teenagers who have big modeling careers now but they aren't 'stepdaughters so yeah, he was, lol.    I never thought of Kim K. as a supermodel.  But then I've never thought of Kanye as a genius either so what do I know. 

I'm sure he was talking about Kendall. Ole' Kanye seems to be quite impressed with her. 

Caitlyns Malibu house looks so remote and lonely. Must be scary as hell at night around there. 

[EarlGreyTea]

For me the nicest part of the show, besides Esther's general awesome mother love, was Kylie. She really annoys me - I've never wanted to smack a teen so badly, and I felt bad about that. But she was pretty cute and sweet in this episode. Maybe the loopiness was part of it. It was staged, to be sure, but still a sweet moment when they Facetimed. I bet a smaller goal of this show is to stop the general dislike of Kylie.

 

I have a cousin who transitioned a few years ago. I don't see her very often, and we weren't close growing up - yet I still find myself slipping on pronouns sometimes, especially when thinking about things that happened pre-transition. I can only imagine how difficult it can be for Cait's family to remember that. Interesting process, to be sure. It's nice that they were upfront about it, and that Cait is okay with her kids still calling her Dad.

Edited July 30, 2015 by EarlGreyTea

[GaT]

I'm sure he was talking about Kendall. Ole' Kanye seems to be quite impressed with her. 

 

That's because she's the only one in the family that's made a career for herself that isn't reality show based or that pimp momma put together.

[Found A Peanut]

Even if the Malibu stuff was strictly Caitlyn talking to a camera, no producers or directors, just her giving a narrative or just a kind of diary. Or a camera that videoed her around the house while she lived as her future self.

I see her eating lunch with Khloe and Scott, talking with her mouthful, nothing feminine there. And this is during the time she is talking to the family off camera about the gender issues. And mere months later she's doing a ladies lunch with sisters and mom, all dainty like.

I'd be fascinated to hear from Caitlyn her thoughts on doing femininity. I mean, it's not like nice table manners are innately feminine, it's all a social construct. Caitlyn can be as butch or tomboyish as she likes and still be a woman, so this Hollywood glam femininity seems like a pretty conservative vision of it to me. Is this something she was always drawn to, like she is actualizing her ideal self, or is Caitlyn feeling pressure to present this way? I dunno. Maybe that's too invasive a curiosity on my side.

[Kromm]

Is it really weird of me that when I see those Wheaties boxes now, in the present, I see a butch girl? The second two boxes especially are reading fem to me. 

Interesting observation. Although of course the flip side of that is that it may be falling prey to the assumptions we have about hair length and gender roles.

 

Remember this was the early 1970s. A few years after the Summer of Love, awash with Hippie culture, and yet enough years under the bridge since that long male hair had invaded and taken over mainstream culture. Caitlyn, the person at the time known as Bruce Jenner, on a Wheaties Box was pretty typical of any male celeb under 30 with those locks.  The fact that Caitlyn KEPT longer than average hair into other decades might mean more though.  I think we've already established that Caitlyn's idea of femininity is somewhat clichéd. So I can see it being a silent statement, to herself if to nobody else.

[bagatelle]

Interesting observation. Although of course the flip side of that is that it may be falling prey to the assumptions we have about hair length and gender roles.

 

Remember this was the early 1970s. A few years after the Summer of Love, awash with Hippie culture, and yet enough years under the bridge since that long male hair had invaded and taken over mainstream culture. Caitlyn, the person at the time known as Bruce Jenner, on a Wheaties Box was pretty typical of any male celeb under 30 with those locks.  The fact that Caitlyn KEPT longer than average hair into other decades might mean more though.  I think we've already established that Caitlyn's idea of femininity is somewhat clichéd. So I can see it being a silent statement, to herself if to nobody else.

Not to me.  Jenner always had a pretty face, that was the first thing that struck me when I watched the Montreal Olympics and all accompanying the media coverage.

[Phei]

Kim Kardashian scene made me cringe, that woman is so vapid, Caitlyn needs better influence in his life and needs to steer clear from these vapid superficial idiots.

[CousinAmy]

Kim Kardashian scene made me cringe, that woman is so vapid, Caitlyn needs better influence in his life and needs to steer clear from these vapid superficial idiots.

I have no love for Kim, or any of the K girls, but in a way Caitlyn owes her fame to the Kardashians. As Bruce, she hadn't been famous or relevant in many years. Without the KUWTK show, her transition might have made news for a day. Instead, she has the whole world buzzing about her and her own reality show. I think she owes a debt to Kim and even Kris, who made everyone in the family famous, including Cait.

[chuckity]

I have no love for Kim, or any of the K girls, but in a way Caitlyn owes her fame to the Kardashians. As Bruce, she hadn't been famous or relevant in many years. Without the KUWTK show, her transition might have made news for a day. Instead, she has the whole world buzzing about her and her own reality show. I think she owes a debt to Kim and even Kris, who made everyone in the family famous, including Cait.

 

To be completely honest, the Kardashians owe their fame to Bruce Jenner ... one of the reasons Kris was able to kick open the fame door was because of Bruce. 

[Coffeecup]

See, this is one of those areas where modern theory runs right up against a wall when describing stuff like this. "Microaggression"?  Okay, I looked it up. Maybe it makes me square and doomed to offend the hell out of an entire generation that came after me, but I think a kind of passive-aggressive aura of disapproval hangs over discussions when a card like that is pulled.

 

In terms of Caitlyn herself, why assume the worst of people using her old name, when we've seen Caitlyn and her own circle of confidantes do so? Earlier I used that as a defense of actually using that older name, but lets remove that from the equation if we've reduced this to motives and just focus on the later. I don't think it necessarily comes down to a silent insult to the trans person if an outside person, struggling with new concepts, simply follows what they've observed, and yes, to a degree what seems to make grammatical and logical sense in some ways to minds (for good or ill) used to associating appearances to identity.  People think "Bruce" when they see the following:

 

 

And I don't think it necessarily comes down to them rejecting Bruce's new status as Caitlyn to struggle with that association. We're a visual species and retraining that aspect often comes down to intent, but over laziness, moreso than over "microaggression".

 

Speaking of this "microagression," a term  I never heard before:  as a straight woman, I despise the term "cis" to describe people like me. I cringed when Caitlyn called the assistants "our cis girls." If transgender people can make demands as to what words we use to describe them, why doesn't that work both ways?  Why can't straight people demand that we not be called "cis"? If we are going to start throwing the term "microaggression" around, then I think it's microaggression to call anybody "cis."

[Kromm]

{shrugs} I've always felt the cis thing has that feeling to it also, but it seems to be a very unpopular opinion. I mean the phrase "non-transgender", while longer, would seem to already serve the same purpose, although with that I suppose there's the argument that it treats transgenderism like an "other" condition.  But frankly "cis" sets up even more of an "us vs. them" vibe to me.

 

Not something we're going to settle here on the Internet though, I suppose. Even the Media Guide ducks the issue IMO, since it mentions both "non-transgender" and "cis" in one fell swoop.

[millennium]

Speaking of this "microagression," a term  I never heard before:  as a straight woman, I despise the term "cis" to describe people like me. I cringed when Caitlyn called the assistants "our cis girls." If transgender people can make demands as to what words we use to describe them, why doesn't that work both ways?  Why can't straight people demand that we not be called "cis"? If we are going to start throwing the term "microaggression" around, then I think it's microaggression to call anybody "cis."

 

You make a good point.    Wouldn't it have been regarded as condescending if the assistants had referred to the transgender people in the room as "our trans girls?"   It would have seemed like the assistants were marginalizing the transgender people, as a thinly veiled way of saying, "they're different."    Yet it's apparently okay for Caitlyn to marginalize the assistants as "our cis girls," with a remark that makes them sound like mascots, or worse, tokens. 

Edited August 3, 2015 by millennium

[Kromm]

I don't see this as about Caitlyn's own use in particular.  Frankly it's either a widespread problem with how the term (seems) to be used, or it's not. Caitlyn is just following a pattern she's (already) observed/been told about.

 

I vaguely remembering asking someone transgender about this on a net board a few years ago, and while I respected that person basically got a variant of the old "the people with the privilege have no right to complain"/"poor straight white people got offended, whoops!" arguments.  Which I understand why people think that way, but at the same time there's sometimes a faint sense of hypocrisy to it at the same time--especially when it comes down to little etiquette things rather than grander social issues.

Edited August 3, 2015 by Kromm

[millennium]

Were the transgender people and the assistants so indistinguishable that it was necessary for Jenner to identify the assistants as "our cis girls?"   What was the point of it?  The word "girl" alone can be belittling and demeaning, especially when applied to an adult woman working in a subordinate position (i.e. assistants); tagging "cis" onto it adds an "us and them" dimension.

 

She may be following a pattern that she's observed or been told about, but she's not a child.  At 65, she should have enough common sense to know what she ought and ought not to say.  

Edited August 4, 2015 by millennium

[Kromm]

I always got the sense that Caitlyn (admittedly in her former male guise) has always been the type to call ANY group of young women around her "girls" (and a single one, in the third person something like "that girl").  Doesn't make it right, but to some degree it's a generational thing too. People born in the 50s or earlier often seem to be unable to let go of this habit (or even have any desire to). It's fuddy-duddyism more than sexism.

 

This is apart from the "cis" issue, which is the new element.

 

Then again most of us here call the K Klan stuff like "the K girls"--even the ones who aren't teenaged Jenners. I guess it comes down to a matter of respect too, and Kim and the others often don't seem to have ours (something I honestly am NOT struggling with, even if it's not totally PC).

Edited August 3, 2015 by Kromm

[Cosmic Muffin]

I think that calling them the cis girls was just playfully underscoring that for that time and place, the trans women were the majority, and the norm just by numbers. I have no problem with cis being used, or applied to me, and I strongly prefer it to the term "womyn born womyn" of San Francisco in the early 90s.

[kathe5133]

 

This is apart from the "cis" issue, which is the new element.

I am guessing "cis" refers to woman who are not transgendered? I am not familiar with that term. What is the genesis?

[Rigoletto22]

I am guessing "cis" refers to woman who are not transgendered? I am not familiar with that term. What is the genesis?

Cisgender has its origin in the Latin-derived prefix cis-, meaning "on this side of", which is an antonym for the Latin-derived prefix trans-, meaning "across from" or "on the other side of". This usage can be seen in the cis–trans distinction in chemistry, the cis–trans or complementation test in genetics, in Ciscaucasia (from the Russian perspective) and in the ancient Roman term Cisalpine Gaul (i.e., "Gaul on this side of the Alps"). In the case of gender, cis- is used to refer to the alignment of gender identity with assigned sex.

[Kromm]

As a purely clinical term, it undeniably seems useful. But it sometimes comes off as the transgender version of "honky", if you follow what I mean. I've been on boards where a conversation will suddenly have sentences like "You cis won't understand" or "cis don't know how to..." or "the cisgender culture...". It's complicated, I guess, because it feels both legitimate (since it's foolishly naive to act like there's no division") but also often biting.

 

It's trying to be the gender version of the term "straight" (which applies to sexuality). And it's not like "straight" isn't ever used as a diss/statement of exclusion either. It is. But in a way "cis" (vs. the more established "straight') kind of seems in application (not meaning) like the term "microaggression". Something someone came up with in some university setting, published in an academic paper, and then tried to message it into the mainstream. I can't be the only one who feels that often comes off as presumptive.  Again, it would be totally different if it was just being used as a clinical description. But it's not. It's being used as labeling.

Edited August 4, 2015 by Kromm

[CousinAmy]

I think the idea is that trans women have to use the "trans" before "woman," while women who are not trans get to call themselves just plain women. It makes them feel as if there's something wrong with them that has to be modified. So using "cis" just differentiates them from "trans," while not implying one is better, or more authentic, than the other. 

 

I agree, I don't like having to suddenly use a modifier to describe myself; "woman" was fine up until a few years ago. 

 

Caitlyn's use of "girls" really got to me, too. I do think of the Kardashian sisters as "girls," because to me they are still very young - early 30s. But calling the adult women on the road trip "girls" all the time sounded odd. 

[Human]

 

 

I agree, I don't like having to suddenly use a modifier to describe myself; "woman" was fine up until a few years ago. 

 

You don't have to use a modifier to describe yourself, unless you want to.  It would be inappropriate to walk around pointing out random people saying "that's a ciswoman, that's a transman" as all that's needed is "that's a woman, that's a man".  Terms like trans and cis are used to clarify identities, much like other descriptors like race or religion are used to clarify.  

 

Also, what do you mean by the bolded?  I'm unfamiliar with any issue that has determined that words like woman or man are no longer 'fine'.  

[xls]

Just to back up what @Human said above - referring to a trans person by their "dead name" is considered a microaggression - it feels, for many, like a way of reminding everyone in the conversation of the person's trans status and a way of subtly invalidating their gender. They may also feel uncomfortable being reminded of that dead name, which can carry a lot of psychic baggage. It's a matter of respect.

 

I guess I wonder why it feels so important to some here to refer to Caitlin by her old name? What does that do for you? It's not as if we, in this forum on a show about her, will be confused when you say that Caitlin Jenner won the Olympics. Why is it more important to say her old name than to respect her identity?

Thats exactly how I feel about being referred to as the C word.

[MarysWetBar]

Amen.  Kanye can enrage me at times but the man is a true visionary.  I just wish that more people can get past the bravado and enjoy that part of him.

 

I actually found his scenes to be very cute and welcoming.  His speech about facing public scrutiny to be yourself I thought was very sweet. Yes, he dropped an F-bomb but it was done in a positive spirit.  I also liked his exchange with Pam, she seemed curious about his sneakers and you could see Kanye get excited explaining them to her.

A little late to the party here but wanted to share that my oldest is an artist and they are really hard to read accurately sometimes. Kanye is first and foremost an artist...he is a musician but you need to remember he is an artist. They cant help it..haha They come across pretentious and douchey sometimes and then are wondering why people don't like them!

Think Andy Warhol...think Gaga...think...Kanye!

Totally weird but I am pretty glad they are in the world cus it would be utterly boring without the way they think and the things they create. :)

[hatchetgirl]

This episode brought up a lot of emotion for me. My oldest brother transitioned in the late '80's and I was the only member of the family to support her. It broke my heart to have one sister sat she was an abomination and the other day she was a freak.

She was very much like Cait in that she was very into the clothes, the makeup, etc. She was "acting" the way she thought she was supposed to act.

Now, it's good to see her comfortable in her skin. She has become her own self by incorporating some of what she was but making it her. I may not be making sense.

Now, for some reason, she has decided the sibling who called her a freak is her family and I'm not ever involved in her life anymore. It makes me quite sad.

[millennium]

This episode brought up a lot of emotion for me. My oldest brother transitioned in the late '80's and I was the only member of the family to support her. It broke my heart to have one sister sat she was an abomination and the other day she was a freak.

She was very much like Cait in that she was very into the clothes, the makeup, etc. She was "acting" the way she thought she was supposed to act.

Now, it's good to see her comfortable in her skin. She has become her own self by incorporating some of what she was but making it her. I may not be making sense.

Now, for some reason, she has decided the sibling who called her a freak is her family and I'm not ever involved in her life anymore. It makes me quite sad.

 

Since I know almost nothing of your circumstances or relationship with your sister (the one who transitioned), this is simply a wild guess, but perhaps because you were so close to her during the transition, she associates you with her old self and has distanced herself because you know the truth and the pain of who/what she is/was.   In other words, you are a reminder of what she has left behind.   Some people do that all the time when they seek to reinvent themselves -- and not just those who are transgender.   They cut ties with friends and family -- anyone who can powerfully remind them of who they were.   Why she has aligned with the sister who rejected her is puzzling.   Maybe she sees that sister's acceptance as a victory, something she accomplished on her own, compared to your acceptance, which was an unconditional gift.   I am probably wrong about all of this.   I am sorry this happened to you.   But people change, so maybe the future holds hope for the two of you to renew your bond.

[hatchetgirl]

Thank you millennium for putting it into a different positive context. I'll think on it. :)