S02.E08: Adjusting To Married Life

[Neurochick]

Sometimes I think Jessica deliberately says shit to piss Ryan off when she knows the cameras are rolling.  You ain't fooling me girl.

 

I watched their last fight last night and heard something interesting from Jessica.  She said to Ryan, "You think because you drive a Benz and you live in Staten Island that you're better than me?"

 

Whoa.  That was very telling.  Perhaps that's the problem with Jessica and Ryan D.  Jessica thinks that Ryan think's he's too good for her.  Jessica feels she's a girl from the Bronx, where Ryan is from Staten Island.  The Bronx is the poorest borough in NYC.  

 

I wonder if there are some class issues between Jessica and Ryan, which are making their connection more difficult.  

[Janet Snakehole]

I think Ryan and Jessica both enjoy getting under each others' skin, and play up the bad parts of their communication styles with each other.

[okerry]

This week, Sean and Davina got the "We look like we might make it, because we suck the rest of the time and the show wants to keep the viewers in suspense" edit.

 

Ryan R and Jaclyn got the "We ran into a rough spot, because we look pretty good the rest of the time and the show wants to keep the viewers in suspense" edit.

 

As for the other two: They are disturbing to watch for a number of reasons. If Ryan D doesn't want to be there (and he clearly doesn't), he should get his stuff and get out. And she should have sense enough not to stay with an angry man who clearly doesn't want her there, TV show or no TV show.

 

I'll say this: If those two ARE shown to say, "No, we don't want to get divorced," in the finale, I'm going to be very upset. After all the misery and emotional violence and abuse that he's subjected her to - and I maintain that yes, he has, starting on the first day of the honeymoon - then this is a terrible, terrible message to send. People like this don't change the way they feel about you. Ryan D might be okay with a woman he actually loves and wants, but that woman is not Jessica. That's not her fault. It's just the way it is. But that's the bottom line and it has to be recognized. Dr. Pepper and her "communication" isn't going to do anything but land somebody in the hospital with either emotional or physical trauma. Or both.

[CindyBee]

I've wondered myself whether Ryan is an introvert, which might be only making Jaclyn act even more extroverted trying to get a rise out of him.  Then again, she might be so extroverted naturally that she'd make another extrovert look like an introvert!  I think the problems they're facing now are evidence that relationships need to take a step back and follow a certain evolution in order to succeed.  Jaclyn is right that Ryan is thinking too far ahead.  If they just lived apart and dated for a while they'd find a way to solve the problem eventually if they did fall in love and become that committed to each other.

 

I agree, Ryan is thinking way too far in the future for this marriage.   Jaclyn has even said in her talking head bits that Ryan's anxiety about the future is too much.  Guy needs to just chill out and live for the present and see where he and Jaclyn can end up.

 

And I do wonder if he has taken on the role of provider for his mom/niece not cause he had to but cause he wanted to and didn't bother sharing the responsibility with his brothers over the past few years.  Those guys are obviously around on Long Island as Ryan keeps mentioning he is missing them too so it would be interesting to know why they can't go move the snow for the mom, etc while Ryan is working on his marriage over in Queens.   

[JapMo]

 

Is it me or is it becoming harder and harder to find good parts in this season?! One thing that I did like was when Jaclyn realized Ryan's pulling away a bit. She seemed to stay reasonably calm, reminded him that they're in it together for the time being and both were smiling. That little thing puts them light years ahead of the other couples. It's unfortunate she chose to grind him into the ground about paying for groceries. Hope they're able to work out something regarding the old mama and the young niece...

Jessica and Ryan le Douche. Still feel the same about them. Run, Jessica, run.

Regarding my favorite weirdos, whose idea of great fun and exciting, bonding times (and coming out of their comfort zones, of course) are snow angels and pillow fights, I was really disappointed to learn that the blonde he was at the restaurant with was not some side piece. D reminded him that she agreed to move to Jersey after two years. She also said twice that she would never live in Jersey so never wins. She seems to want this a little more than he does yet Joe C. blamed her earlier on for bringing her mountain of relationship related baggage on the honeymoon, and he seems to defend creepy Sean. I can't for the life of me understand why the experts liked him so much. I have to admit, I'm curious as to how big and badly this pairing will blow up. This isn't juvenile jerkiness like Jessica and RD; there seems to be some epic ugliness with both bossy Davina and seemingly "sensitive" Sean. His constant analysis of his feelings makes me nuts. I didn't think human beings could possibly use clichés more than Vaughn and Monet but I was wrong.

LOL, oh Kareem, I was trying mightily last night to remember all the cutsey sayings that were flying out of Sean's mouth last night, but there were so many, I got exhausted.

[Snarklepuss]

For this to work. Jessica would need to change her communication style. Ryan D would need to change his entire personality. His comment about not being able to thing of ONE SINGLE nice thing to say to his wife was mean and hurtful, intentionally so. Why on earth would someone want to live with a spouse that is intentionally hurtful and cruel? That, right there, is the definition of abuse. Red flags wouldn't just be going up, they would be waving around with fireworks and sirens. These experts are worthless. This thing is a powder keg, and they need to step in before it turns violent.

 

Not that I condone his hurtful words to her, but she has been just as hurtful to him, and has probably been more the instigator of the nasty accusations than he has been to her, to be fair about it.  I could totally put myself in his place.  If I were constantly being told I was so bad by someone I would find it very hard after a while to find anything nice to say about them when I was still mad.  Give him some distance from his anger and I'm sure he'll be able to.

 

As far as the "silent treatment" goes, I figure that has a lot to do with the "pressure cooker" situation they are in.  This is NOT real life - This is a "desert island situation" (something from my ethics background).  This is two people thrown together having to be in each other's faces all the time whether they want to be or not.  It's bound to bring out the worst in people if they let the pressure get to them.

[MsPH]

Er, was Sean's "Go change the 9-volt in your johnson" comment a reference to a sex toy? UGH. How sleazy.

 

It made me laugh, because it was so hilariously awkward. These two only speak in platitudes and weird sex references. Maybe they are perfect for each other! Alas, I don't think they've spent much time together compared to the other couples. But it was nice to see them get along for a change.

 

I actually get Ryan R. He's not happy being this far away from his mom and niece and he needs to know that that will change in the future in order to fall in love. I think the reason he keeps bringing it up is that Jaclyn's not fully getting just how responsible he feels for his niece. She said something like "I miss my family too", which as true as it may be is not the same thing. She lived alone and wasn't responsible for any of her family members, while Ryan's been a father figure for his niece, whose sole caretaker is now a 70-year-old woman. He's not only missing them in the sense that he wants to see them more, he knows they miss and need HIM a lot, and it's eating him up inside. I don't think he wants to live in their basement, just a 10-15 minutes away, not an hour. Yeah, he should've known things would change with marriage, but he didn't ask to be married to someone who lived 3.5 hours away. The experts did that to him and now he's forced to make the best of it. I don't really agree with the whole "fall in love now and think about the logistics later!" argument the experts seem to bring up. It's a recipe for heartbreak and most people want to avoid getting their heart broken. One could say they have nothing to lose at this point, since they're already married but I don't really agree. I have faith that they can figure something out though, because they seem like a good match in all the ways that matter the most.

 

I also get him needing some peace and quiet. Jaclyn is a lovely woman, but not necessarily someone I would want to live with. As an introvert I need some space and alone time to recharge and having someone all over me all the time would exhaust me. Oh and let the man pay for once! Sheesh. I got as angry as Ryan when she just wouldn't quit. No reason not to. If he wants to feel like a man by paying for the groceries in front of the cameras, then I see absolutely no reason to argue about it, let alone that long. I'm so glad he told her how annoying it was.

 

Jessica and Ryan D, just make me so sad. It's clear she's used to this sort of treatment, since she's still willing to try even after he's made it perfectly clear he doesn't respect or even like her and thinks she's dumb. Anyone with a normal self-esteem would've been out of there already, but Jessica's used to this kind of behaviour relationships, so she'll just suck it up and keep trying. It makes me so sad for her and so mad at the experts for putting her in this position! They should be telling her to leg it, not pay him compliments. I also don't doubt her version of the trashy incident or the money incident AT ALL. She has no reason to lie, and him getting uber defensive and flying off the handle when she brought up those things just proves he's the one lying. She is not trying to make him look like the bad guy, he does it all by himself and I was cheering when she pointed that out! T-o-u-c-h-é! It makes me sick to my stomach that she might still be with him. She needs someone who makes her feel good about herself to realise there are men like that out there!

[Neurochick]

I have been trying not to put it in quite this way for weeks, but everything about Jessica screams "ghetto mentality" to me, and her obvious feeling of inferiority to anyone who has the trappings of making it like a Benz and perhaps a nice apartment or house (even on Staten Island, which probably looks better to her than to others) is probably making her feel too insecure and inferior to be in the relationship.  I think a lot of her difficult behavior with him is motivated by self-sabotage.  The experts probably didn't realize that Ryan was going to seem too "out of her league" for her based on his income level, or her perceived image of him based on the trappings of his success.  She seems so threatened by it.  During the conversation about paying the rent she was very concerned about how much the rent was even though Ryan told her it was not out of his reach.  She insisted on being able to pay a certain percentage.  And then the bit about being shocked over how much he spent on food - That was not a crazy amount for someone who can afford it.  I definitely think she would not feel so threatened if they had found her someone closer to her own income level.  They may have had things in common growing up but judging from what I've seen online, both Ryan and his family have risen above Canarsie and gone on to better things financially.

 

Agreed.  That's what gets me about Jessica.  She doesn't like Ryan because she feels that Ryan thinks he's better than she.  She's insecure.  She sees herself as "a girl from the Bronx" the poorest borough in NYC, while Ryan is from Staten Island (I think that may be the second richest borough after Manhattan).  I think that's what really gets her goat about Ryan.  When he tells her something, all she can hear is, "He thinks he's better than me."  She feels inferior, and that's a problem.  Go to therapy girlfriend.

 

I actually get Ryan R. He's not happy being this far away from his mom and niece and he needs to know that that will change in the future in order to fall in love. I think the reason he keeps bringing it up is that Jaclyn's not fully getting just how responsible he feels for his niece. She said something like "I miss my family too", which as true as it may be is not the same thing. She lived alone and wasn't responsible for any of her family members, while Ryan's been a father figure for his niece, whose sole caretaker is now a 70-year-old woman. He's not only missing them in the sense that he wants to see them more, he knows they miss and need HIM a lot, and it's eating him up inside. I don't think he wants to live in their basement, just a 10-15 minutes away, not an hour. Yeah, he should've known things would change with marriage, but he didn't ask to be married to someone who lived 3.5 hours away. The experts did that to him and now he's forced to make the best of it. I don't really agree with the whole "fall in love now and think about the logistics later!" argument the experts seem to bring up. It's a recipe for heartbreak and most people want to avoid getting their heart broken. One could say they have nothing to lose at this point, since they're already married but I don't really agree. I have faith that they can figure something out though, because they seem like a good match in all the ways that matter the most.

 

 

I agree.  In reality most people would work out the logistics of where to live before they get married.  Ryan and Jaclyn did this backwards.  It's like marrying a man who's a widower with a child and I don't think Jaclyn gets that, but I can see why she doesn't.  Who has legal custody of the niece?  Is it Ryan or Ryan's mother?  Why didn't Ryan do like Davina, tell the experts that he couldn't leave Long Island?   Ryan didn't do that, so now he feels guilty, he feels that he has abandoned his family.  

Edited May 6, 2015 by Neurochick

[Snarklepuss]

Sometimes I think Jessica deliberately says shit to piss Ryan off when she knows the cameras are rolling.  You ain't fooling me girl.

 

I watched their last fight last night and heard something interesting from Jessica.  She said to Ryan, "You think because you drive a Benz and you live in Staten Island that you're better than me?"

 

Whoa.  That was very telling.  Perhaps that's the problem with Jessica and Ryan D.  Jessica thinks that Ryan think's he's too good for her.  Jessica feels she's a girl from the Bronx, where Ryan is from Staten Island.  The Bronx is the poorest borough in NYC.  

 

I wonder if there are some class issues between Jessica and Ryan, which are making their connection more difficult.  

 

Thank you, you took the words right out of my mouth - I have been thinking this all along.  I grew up in the Bronx (although it was Riverdale) so I get where Jessica is coming from.  From a NY-er's POV, it's pretty bad when you think a guy living in Staten Island is too good for you.  I truly feel sorry for her knowing this.  And I have also thought all along that she is a shit stirrer with him - Again, the self sabotage because it's HER that thinks he's too good for her, not necessarily him.  Although she probably never got over that "trashy" comment and has extended it to him thinking he's better than her in every way. There may be some truth in her feelings that he does feel he is better than her in some ways.  Then again, if she didn't reek of ghetto mentality he may not have that attitude towards her.  So true about the class issues - He grew up in relatively modest circumstances in Canarsie, but I can see that he feels he has ascended to a higher class since then.

[Snarklepuss]

Agreed.  That's what gets me about Jessica.  She doesn't like Ryan because she feels that Ryan thinks he's better than she.  She's insecure.  She sees herself as "a girl from the Bronx" the poorest borough in NYC, while Ryan is from Staten Island (I think that may be the second richest borough after Manhattan).  I think that's what really gets her goat about Ryan.  When he tells her something, all she can hear is, "He thinks he's better than me."  She feels inferior, and that's a problem.  

 

As is typical of most NY-ers, other than taking the S.I. Ferry a few times, I had never actually BEEN to Staten Island until this past weekend!  It's actually much nicer than its reputation and although I didn't get that far out, I hear there are some really nice estates further out there.  Most of the houses are cute and close together but compared to most areas in the Bronx (with the exception of Riverdale, where I lived) it must look like a suburban paradise to Jessica.  I didn't know Jessica was from the Bronx - I was actually pretty sure of it based on my gut instinct but knowing this, it all makes sense.  Again, I actually feel sorry for her knowing this, but as someone looking at it from her parents' point of view, she shouldn't screw up her chance of having a relationship with a guy that can maybe help her shed her Bronx girl inferiority complex and help her ascend to a better standard of living - If they both can get past his "trashy" comment for once and for all!

Edited May 6, 2015 by Snarklepuss

[MsPH]

 

Perhaps that's the problem with Jessica and Ryan D.  Jessica thinks that Ryan think's he's too good for her. 

 

Ryan does think he's too good for her. It's been written all over his face the entire time, so she'd have to be blind to miss it. JMO.

[Neurochick]

As is typical of most NY-ers, other than taking the S.I. Ferry a few times, I had never actually BEEN to Staten Island until this past weekend!  It's actually much nicer than its reputation and although I didn't get that far out, I hear there are some really nice estates further out there.  Most of the houses are cute and close together but compared to most areas in the Bronx (with the exception of Riverdale, where I lived) it must look like a suburban paradise to Jessica.  I didn't know Jessica was from the Bronx - I was actually pretty sure of it based on my gut instinct but knowing this, it all makes sense.  Again, I actually feel sorry for her knowing this, but as someone looking at it from her parents' point of view, she shouldn't screw up her chance of having a relationship with a guy that can maybe help her shed her Bronx girl inferiority complex and help her ascend to a better standard of living - If they both can get past his "trashy" comment for once and for all!

 

Yes, that's why the "trashy" comment hurt her.  I sensed that Jessica "heard" something different than what Ryan actually said.  He said he thought the piercing was trashy, but Jessica probably heard, "OMG, that shit is trashy, what the fuck do you have on your face, Bronx girl!"  Jessica will never have a successful relationship as long as she feels inferior.  

 

I stand corrected, Jessica is from Brooklyn, she made a comment when they moved into the apartment that she was "back in Brooklyn".  She was living in the Bronx with her ex.  However, up until a few years ago, people used to look down on Brooklyn as well, so her inferiority complex still stands IMO.  

Edited May 6, 2015 by Neurochick

[operalover]

Also, was it my own projecting or did Dr Pepper look exhausted, depleted and defeated during her THs and skype with Jessica and Ryan? The doc must be worried that these two are a dangerous cocktail; I believe she has an ethical obligation, too. Thats how I would feel as a SW.

Had to laugh my head off when she said "the fact that they are still sleeping in the same bed shows they are committed" ha ha ha yeah right. It shows they are committed to getting their paycheck,,,,they probably have to stick the 6 weeks through according to the contract!!

[HAPPYHARRISON]

This episode was so depressing for me.  The Jessica/Ryan scenes made me feel more emotional than any other reality tv ever has.  I feel for Jessica, I think Ryan would complain about anything she did.  Has there even been one instance of something innocent that she's done that he has approved of?  I also found it ironic that he was complaining about her never speaking her mind but the whole 2-day silent treatment was about her calling him on taking the wedding money. 

 

How much space does his velour track suits and stupid hats take up?  Now he wants the dresser too?!? I think Ryan just lives to bitch to be honest and I would not enjoy living with someone like him.

[butterbean1]

Hi everyone,

 

First post here -- I've been lurking for a while, but after tonight's show I just had to join the site and get some stuff off my chest (since nobody else in the family watches this show).

 

I've been rooting for Ryan R. and Jaclyn, and I still hope that they'll make it, but Ryan R. is starting to frustrate me and, though at first sight he seems like a nice guy, there are some things that bother me about him:

- I don't like how he keeps talking about Jaclyn's libido. Why does the whole world have to know about that?

- I didn't like how rigid he was about when they might have a baby. Yes, it's too early to talk about it, but he wasn't even trying to consider Jaclyn's points about her biological clock.

- In tonight's episode, he actually seemed to get angry when Jaclyn wanted to pay for the groceries. I think she said that she would pay for this now, and later he would pay for something else. They were both stubborn about it (though in the end it was Jaclyn who gave in), but he was the one who got bent out of shape about the whole thing. Why not let her pay if she wants to? He totally disregarded her wishes.

- I appreciate the fact that he feels responsible for the well-being of his family, but I wish he stopped talking about it. This "experiment" is only 6 weeks long; can't he concentrate on developing his relationship with his new wife during this time?

 

And lastly, one other thing I noticed is that Jaclyn is always willing to re-evaluate her behavior, admit to her mistakes, and try to do better. I don't think I've heard Ryan R. say anything like that so far. I still think he's basically a nice guy, but it seems to me that he's only thinking of what he needs and not really considering the needs of his wife.

 

I hope he'll come around and start to care for Jaclyn as much as she seems to care for him. Maybe he'll miss her while she's in Florida? I couldn't quite catch what he was saying about that in the preview...

You do realize that this show is heavily edited, right?

 - from the looks of the talking heads shot, it appears that his "libido" remarks were all filmed at the same time.  The editors have decided to slice and dice and sprinkle them through out the last couple of shows.

 

- again, that conversation showed, what?  30 seconds of Ryan talking and the rest of the time was Jac and her friends/family.  We have no idea what else he said.  And his reaction was not out of bounds.  He's only known her for 2 weeks.

 

-And if he had let her pay then you would be saying that Jac was being inconsiderate of his feelings.  Somebody had to give in but it doesn't mean they were being inconsiderate of the others feelings.

 

-Again, his talking head shots were he talks about his mom and niece look like they were all shot at the same time.  The editors have just sliced it up and sprinkled it through a couple of shows.

 

-Just because we haven't heard Ryan talking about his mistakes doesn't mean he hasn't.  As Dr. C pointed out in one of his postings, the couples only get 13 minutes per show.  The producers are only going to show us what they think is most interesting and fits the story they want to tell.  I caught a few minutes of a rerun of the 2nd or 3rd episode the other day and they were showing a talking head shot of Jessica that was done in the apartment they currently live in (with the brick wall) but it was before the had actually moved in.  The same is true for Jac - they did a talking head shot of her sitting on the brown couch with the blue throw blanket that is in the home they live in now...but it was before they had moved in together.  Just because we don't see it doesn't mean it doesn't happen and things don't seem to shown in the order they actually happened..

 

I love Jac and could totally see myself being friends with her (unlike the other two women).  But I get where someone as laid back as Ryan would be overwhelmed with her personality.  And again, we are only seeing what the producers want us to see.

Edited May 6, 2015 by butterbean1

[ZaldamoWilder]

•• Ryan D. is the biggest douche bag- and Jessica has nothing to do with it. Maybe Jess does need to communicate better. But when she does try to talk to him, he runs away. Ryan said some awful things to her this episode and there was no reason for it. When he talks about his Grandparents- he's delusional! He wasn't with them 24/7... It's a guarantee that they had problems that they had to work through. Their marriage wasn't all smooth sailing- no marriage is. Especially when you're together for as long as he said they were. Someone needs to tell him that. I don't think his Grandfather treated his Grandmother the way he treats Jess. I don't know them- so I could be wrong.

 

All this.  The guy is so completely delusional it would be funny if it weren't sad.  If his grandfather spoke to his grandmother that way and she "just took it", there were plenty of unhappy moments in that marriage, he's just looking at it from one very skewed, probably traditional, but more likely chauvinist's perspective. 

 

 

I have been trying not to put it in quite this way for weeks, but everything about Jessica screams "ghetto mentality" to me, and her obvious feeling of inferiority to anyone who has the trappings of making it like a Benz and perhaps a nice apartment or house (even on Staten Island, which probably looks better to her than to others) is probably making her feel too insecure and inferior to be in the relationship.  I think a lot of her difficult behavior with him is motivated by self-sabotage.  The experts probably didn't realize that Ryan was going to seem too "out of her league" for her based on his income level, or her perceived image of him based on the trappings of his success.  She seems so threatened by it.  During the conversation about paying the rent she was very concerned about how much the rent was even though Ryan told her it was not out of his reach.  She insisted on being able to pay a certain percentage.  And then the bit about being shocked over how much he spent on food - That was not a crazy amount for someone who can afford it.  I definitely think she would not feel so threatened if they had found her someone closer to her own income level.  They may have had things in common growing up but judging from what I've seen online, both Ryan and his family have risen above Canarsie and gone on to better things financially.

 

and

 

Sometimes I think Jessica deliberately says shit to piss Ryan off when she knows the cameras are rolling.  You ain't fooling me girl.

 

I watched their last fight last night and heard something interesting from Jessica.  She said to Ryan, "You think because you drive a Benz and you live in Staten Island that you're better than me?"

 

Whoa.  That was very telling.  Perhaps that's the problem with Jessica and Ryan D.  Jessica thinks that Ryan think's he's too good for her.  Jessica feels she's a girl from the Bronx, where Ryan is from Staten Island.  The Bronx is the poorest borough in NYC.  

 

I wonder if there are some class issues between Jessica and Ryan, which are making their connection more difficult.  

 

Has to be evidence of this girl's self esteem issues.  She's awful at even feeling entitled to express herself and that's truly unfortunate.  I wish she had read a book so she could've told him that despite its topography today, Staten Island was used for the sole purpose of being NYC's local dumping ground, it was never intended to be habitable.  Anyhoo, it's not where you live, it's how.  As far as the benz goes, he drives a depreciating asset that loses 4 digit value faster than the speed of light, congrats.  I wish she knew she's got no reason to feel inferior.  At least not about that.

 

The argument in the grocery store was inevitable I think, especially because Jaclyn is so accustomed to being independent but she's also self aware enough to recognize that Ryan is sensitive to emasculation so...why keep doing it? That's the weird part to me, not that she wants to keep being independent but when he's insisting, like girl understand it's bigger than about the groceries.  His responsibility to his niece and mom - I think I get that emotionally, I'm not sure that I do in terms of physical proximity.  I mean for anyone who's from a tight knit family, do they not have an expectation of ever living somewhere than, literally, underneath their relatives?  That's...disturbing. 

 

Sean and Davina.  He's too lives-in-his-past for me.  If every time they have a discussion, her assertiveness is going to make him flashback to being bullied at 12, he can't be married to anybody.  Marrieds argue, ptsd is a real thing but it can't be the justification for walking off every time you have a fight.  This apartment of hers doesn't help her argument though.  Horrible layout, a nothing going on neighborhood and no natural light.  Not helping.   Did she say something about once the subway's done and the value goes up, they can sell the place and they can buy a house in jersey, cash.   Once the subway's done. <--- lol.   Sean? Mazel.

Edited May 6, 2015 by ZaldamoWilder

[Neurochick]

This apartment of hers doesn't help her argument though.  Horrible layout, a nothing going on neighborhood and no natural light.  Not helping.   Did she say something about once the subway's done and the value goes up, they can sell the place and they can buy a house in jersey, cash.   Once the subway's done. <--- lol.   Sean? Mazel.

 

 

Her apartment is in the Upper East Side of Manhattan, which means it's probably worth a shitload of money, people would kill to live on the UES, even though other areas of Manhattan are nicer.  The subway she spoke of is the Second Avenue Line.  Good luck waiting for that though.  

[ZaldamoWilder]

Lol, I know girl, I work in Manhattan and live in Jersey.  Nothing going on neighborhood = nice to look at, not a lot to do.  The 2nd Avenue subway excavation started 4 years ago, that's also why I said Mazel. 

[Primetimer]

The grand Married At First Sight social experiment continues as the couples 'adjust to married life,' mostly by bickering and hating each other. We rank them from best to worst!

Read the story

[Neurochick]

Lol, I know girl, I work in Manhattan and live in Jersey.  Nothing going on neighborhood = nice to look at, not a lot to do.  The 2nd Avenue subway excavation started 4 years ago, that's also why I said Mazel. 

 

I don't know what you mean by not a lot to do (not a lot to do in many places in Jersey either) but public transportation sucks on the UES for sure.

Edited May 6, 2015 by Neurochick

[Snarklepuss]

I stand corrected, Jessica is from Brooklyn, she made a comment when they moved into the apartment that she was "back in Brooklyn".  She was living in the Bronx with her ex.  However, up until a few years ago, people used to look down on Brooklyn as well, so her inferiority complex still stands IMO.  

 

There are still some sections of Brooklyn that rival the Bronx in terms of ghetto image from what I hear.   I'll bet Jessica probably has a complex about it given all the gentrification that has taken place there.  I suppose it fosters an us/them mentality.  Then again, what is going on between her and Ryan may be a racial thing as well.  She may be taking it as a put down for being Hispanic as much as being from a lower class neighborhood.  Ryan is white and from a Jewish/Italian upwardly mobile background.  She may have an inferiority complex based on that too.

Her apartment is in the Upper East Side of Manhattan, which means it's probably worth a shitload of money, people would kill to live on the UES, even though other areas of Manhattan are nicer.  The subway she spoke of is the Second Avenue Line.  Good luck waiting for that though.  

 

LOL, "good luck" -  I suppose you said that because it's been so long in coming that no one believes it will ever really be completed!

[ZaldamoWilder]

I don't know what you mean by not a lot to do (not a lot to do in many places in Jersey either) but public transportation sucks on the UES for sure.

 

That's a true story about Jersey but what I'm saying is Manhattan is lively, fun, vibrant, everything, that's sort of the tradeoff for paying a $3500 mortgage for 450 sq. feet than say half that amount for a Jersey townhouse triple that size.  What I'm saying is this poor guy doesn't even get the benefit of the nyc tradeoff for having to move into that matchbox. 

[shopper73]

There are still some sections of Brooklyn that rival the Bronx in terms of ghetto image from what I hear. I'll bet Jessica probably has a complex about it given all the gentrification that has taken place there. I suppose it fosters an us/them mentality. Then again, what is going on between her and Ryan may be a racial thing as well. She may be taking it as a put down for being Hispanic as much as being from a lower class neighborhood. Ryan is white and from a Jewish/Italian upwardly mobile background. She may have an inferiority complex based on that too.

LOL, "good luck" - I suppose you said that because it's been so long in coming that no one believes it will ever really be completed!

There are still some sections of Brooklyn that rival the Bronx in terms of ghetto image from what I hear. I'll bet Jessica probably has a complex about it given all the gentrification that has taken place there. I suppose it fosters an us/them mentality. Then again, what is going on between her and Ryan may be a racial thing as well. She may be taking it as a put down for being Hispanic as much as being from a lower class neighborhood. Ryan is white and from a Jewish/Italian upwardly mobile background. She may have an inferiority complex based on that too.

LOL, "good luck" - I suppose you said that because it's been so long in coming that no one believes it will ever really be completed!

[leighdear]

I can't believe she was a casting holdover from last season when there are so many things about her that make it clear that she is neither marriage-ready nor camera-ready (I say that because of her career aspirations).

This is the biggest red flag for me.  So she's been waiting around for a year?  She went through their process last year and obviously wasn't suitable.  What has she been doing in the last year to be more successful at finding a relationship on her own?  I would think the battery of test & evaluations she went through then would give her some insight on how to approach new relationships.

 

Nope, she's just been biding her time to get her 15 minutes.  To me, she just wanted to be on television.  All I see when I look at her is "bad actress". 

[Matilde]

Thank you, you took the words right out of my mouth - I have been thinking this all along.  I grew up in the Bronx (although it was Riverdale) so I get where Jessica is coming from.  From a NY-er's POV, it's pretty bad when you think a guy living in Staten Island is too good for you.  I truly feel sorry for her knowing this.  And I have also thought all along that she is a shit stirrer with him - Again, the self sabotage because it's HER that thinks he's too good for her, not necessarily him.  Although she probably never got over that "trashy" comment and has extended it to him thinking he's better than her in every way. There may be some truth in her feelings that he does feel he is better than her in some ways.  Then again, if she didn't reek of ghetto mentality he may not have that attitude towards her.  So true about the class issues - He grew up in relatively modest circumstances in Canarsie, but I can see that he feels he has ascended to a higher class since then.

Please explain to me what a "ghetto mentality" is and why, in your estimation, Jessica "reeks" of it.

[Snarklepuss]

And I do wonder if he has taken on the role of provider for his mom/niece not cause he had to but cause he wanted to and didn't bother sharing the responsibility with his brothers over the past few years.  Those guys are obviously around on Long Island as Ryan keeps mentioning he is missing them too so it would be interesting to know why they can't go move the snow for the mom, etc while Ryan is working on his marriage over in Queens.   

 

That's a good point.  We don't really know what his brothers' involvement is with his mom and niece.  Do we know that they live close by?  I'm presuming he took it on himself being the youngest or the one single without other responsibilities to a family of his own.  But why should he not expect them to pitch in if he wants to finally have his own marriage and family himself?  That's just being a martyr.  I know families can be different, some siblings are not responsible enough to want to pitch in so that may be a factor too.

[girlplease]

Sometimes I think Jessica deliberately says shit to piss Ryan off when she knows the cameras are rolling.  You ain't fooling me girl.

 

 

Man, I just don't see this. If anyone feels inclined, is there a particular quote or scene in which it's clear that she's instigating?

 

It made me laugh, because it was so hilariously awkward. These two only speak in platitudes and weird sex references. Maybe they are perfect for each other!

 

I laughed way too hard at this :)

[Snarklepuss]

Please explain to me what a "ghetto mentality" is and why, in your estimation, Jessica "reeks" of it.

 

Someone who has an inferiority complex and bad attitude towards people of perceived better financial means and/or social standing (which may be in their view due to your race).  Jessica's way with Ryan seems classic to me of that.  Being white and from a middle class background myself, when I was young and lived in the Bronx I was often the butt end of young people from lower income neighborhoods in the Bronx sucking their teeth, getting surly and in some cases even accusing me of being stuck up and racist.  It was regrettable because I knew it was their issue, not mine.  This was especially bad in the 70s and 80s, when I lived there.  It's not so much like that now, but there are still remnants of it.  I eventually left the Bronx when I was 33 and believe me, getting away from being vilified and hated by people who didn't even know me was a total RELIEF.  When I moved to CT I found out I'm actually a nice person.  Even people of other races actually LIKED me!  I'm sensitive so it really did hurt me, I must admit. I always saw their behavior as the victim's way of exerting reverse racism or getting even with their perceived persecutor.  But I was never racist myself so I was the wrong target for it.  I wouldn't have lived in the Bronx until I was that age if I were.  Perhaps that's one reason I sympathize with Ryan because I see him as being the target of behavior from Jessica that looks mighty familiar to me from personal experience.

[SaucyMommy]

I heard Ryan D say to Jessica he would never even have picked her in real life. When they were fighting - he motioned his hands and said something like I didn't want this not one bit of it. Or something and shortly there after she started crying. I've said since Episode 1 he wasn't attracted to her and I think it's coming to light now.

[I-Kare]

camera himself!  I don't see him as being so bad to her if she would just stop being a brick wall.  When someone acts that way there's really nothing you can do and it's so frustrating that you end up acting just like Ryan.  Anyone would.  Mother Theresa would, seriously.

 

I'm going to have to respectfully disagree with you. I'm *hardly* Mother Theresa, and I've never in my life acted like RyanD. 

 

There were two times last night when she was the one trying to communicate with him (not being a brick wall) and he completely shut her out. He can't have it both ways. I think he just plain doesn't like her since he's acted like a tool both when she's been a brick wall and when she's been communicative. 

 

I heard Ryan D say to Jessica he would never even have picked her in real life. When they were fighting - he motioned his hands and said something like I didn't want this not one bit of it. Or something and shortly there after she started crying. I've said since Episode 1 he wasn't attracted to her and I think it's coming to light now.

 

 

I heard that too! Made me think he's tried to get out of this and they haven't let him. 

 

But really, if he has tried, that's the one thing I'll give him credit for since that would be a great idea.

Edited May 6, 2015 by I-Kare

[okerry]

***Also, ditch these "experts" and play spin-the-bottle or something next season. 

Bring on The Psychic Matchmaker!

Edited May 6, 2015 by okerry

[Snarklepuss]

Man, I just don't see this. If anyone feels inclined, is there a particular quote or scene in which it's clear that she's instigating?

 

I think Neurochick and I feel like we've met the likes of Jessica before and can figure out what she's likely saying to Ryan behind the scenes, LOL.

 

I'm going to have to respectfully disagree with you. I'm *hardly* Mother Theresa, and I've never in my life acted like RyanD.

 

Consider yourself lucky that you've never had someone push you that far that you go off like that.  I have and it's awful.  You don't even know yourself anymore and you'll do and say things you later regret.  It's my belief that everyone has their limit and everyone's buttons are different.  One day someone might come along that finds the right button that sets you off that way.  I hope not because like I say, it's awful.  Thank goodness I'm not around that person anymore.  I think Jessica and Ryan might be toxic for each other.

The experts said that they didn't put people in interracial relationships unless they had been in one, right? I think it's more class than race.

 

If Jessica was in an interracial relationship before I find it hard to believe it was a healthy one given what we've known about her history.  So this may be a pattern for her to feel inferior on class and racial issues together and perhaps stirring up the shit and then calling the guy abusive.  You know, it's a rare man that would not snap back at the stuff she's been hurling at Ryan.  OK, some of what he's saying is hurtful but he's just a little immature.  I think he suffers from a bad image that's not necessarily deserved to that degree.  I think he deserves some of it but not all of it.

[sleekandchic]

Whether it's the show's creative editing for effect, or whether it's the unvarnished truth, what I'm seeing between Jessica and RyanD IS a relic of "perceived" class distinction. Its both sad and maddening to me that this crap still goes on in NYC in 2015.

My sense from watching is that Ryan DOES feel he's better than Jessica, while Jessica lives her life like a wounded animal because not only does she believe she IS inferior to most people, she resents feeling that way. She's trapped in a maze of "Help me to feel better/No wait! I have no right to feel better!" Its very sad to see Jessica sinking into a well of despair, of her own making.

Ryan is all about bluster and appearances and "image." His ever-present knit cap, track suits, overmanicured eyebrows and perfectly cut and styled hair (which he enjoys playing with) are paramount to his perception of who he is. His emphasis on eating out, for example, was really all about illustrating that he has the money to do that plus he neednt be bothered with nonsense, he can pay others to do the dirty work of cooking and cleaning up.

The silent tableau at the laundromat spoke a million words last night. Jessica lugged over a heavy load of laundry and prepared to do it herself, while Ryan breezed in with a smaller load, which he dropped off for full-service before blithely walking out. To Jess, the situation reinforced that she will always be the "help," while Ryan (and the rest of the world) will always be the boss.

The wedding-money issue showed Ryan to be a little bit of a player, who actually NEEDED a few bucks. He WILL NEVER forgive Jessica for blowing his cover like that. He was revealed, and he hates it and her, for doing that. Ryan is nothing but a poseur, to me.

Dr C was highly receptive to Jessica both last season and this season. If he's sincere, I hope he guides her to resources that can help strengthen her self-image and resolve.

MOST people WANT to improve their station in life; thats nothing to be ashamed of. Whether it's a more comfortable address, a worthwhile career, or stocks, bonds and cash, go for it! But, while working toward your goals, NEVER allow yourself to feel less-than and DEFINITELY never allow others to demean you.

One of my great-grams often speaks of her austere upbringing. Birthday celebrations were unheard of, for example. So when she met my great-grandfather and his family, then witnessed parties and gifts and cakes with candles, it all SCARED her. And when she received her first birthday gift and a cake at his house during their courtship, she didnt know how to feel. Embarrassed or delighted...unworthy or flattered.

However, grams never accused her bf of feeling BETTER than her or too good for her, and gramps just loved her enough to give her the small pleasures of life. Jessica (everybody!) deserves to feel cherished, and Ryan isnt the guy to do it. He has enough problems dealing with himself.

First step for J is therapy.

Edited May 6, 2015 by sleekandchic

[MsPH]

The experts said that they didn't put people in interracial relationships unless they had been in one, right? I think it's more class than race.

 

I actually don't think there's much of a class difference either with Jessica and Ryan D. When someone suggested some other pairing between the people on this season, Dr. C was quick to say that's not a match at all, because they don't just take personality account, they consider education level, social class etc. as well. And I could swear that they mentioned in the first episode that Jess and Ryan D were at a similar stage in their careers as well, which is weird if Ryan's supposedly such a successful entrepreneur.

 

I think Ryan D is a wannabe or nouveau riche, if he is indeed well off. He is very concerned with going up in the world and has an inflated sense of ego thinking he's so smart and attractive. The experts, however, saw him for what he is, a not very intelligent Russian guido from a broken family. So they matched him with someone from a similar, though ethnically different, background. Class and education wise, I think these two are two peas in a pod. Ryan obviously disagrees, because it's not what he wants to be, so he's disappointed and takes it out on Jess. Jessica isn't stupid enough to not notice his attitude and constant putdowns, which started during the honeymoon already.

[okerry]

Someone mentioned "ghetto mentality" above. If I may: Another term for this might be "inferiority complex." The assumption that everybody you meet is going to think they're better than you because you grew up in a poor neighborhood, or are the wrong race, or whatever. And it doesn't matter whether anyone actually treats you like this or not. You'll never stop expecting it.

 

The worst part is that the person becomes convinced they're a victim, nothing they can do will ever make them good enough, and everybody else is just going to look down on them. It's a very destructive way to live. Being a victim (of anything) will never get you anywhere.

 

Jessica is a pretty girl with a lot going for her, but yes, I can see why it looks like she's got this kind of mentality holding her back. Good call.

Edited May 6, 2015 by okerry

[ZaldamoWilder]

Someone who has an inferiority complex and bad attitude towards people of perceived better financial means and/or social standing (which may be in their view due to your race).  Jessica's way with Ryan seems classic to me of that.  Being white and from a middle class background myself, when I was young and lived in the Bronx I was often the butt end of young people from lower income neighborhoods in the Bronx sucking their teeth, getting surly and in some cases even accusing me of being stuck up and racist.  It was regrettable because I knew it was their issue, not mine.  This was especially bad in the 70s and 80s, when I lived there.  It's not so much like that now, but there are still remnants of it.  I eventually left the Bronx when I was 33 and believe me, getting away from being vilified and hated by people who didn't even know me was a total RELIEF.  When I moved to CT I found out I'm actually a nice person.  Even people of other races actually LIKED me!  I'm sensitive so it really did hurt me, I must admit. I always saw their behavior as the victim's way of exerting reverse racism or getting even with their perceived persecutor.  But I was never racist myself so I was the wrong target for it.  I wouldn't have lived in the Bronx until I was that age if I were.  Perhaps that's one reason I sympathize with Ryan because I see him as being the target of behavior from Jessica that looks mighty familiar to me from personal experience.

 

I'm sorry for your experience, it sounds pretty terrible.   I think I understand what you're saying here but I want to unlink the impression that ghetto and racist are interchangeable.   A ghetto isn't specific to race, it's comprised of people whose only certain commonality is economic disadvantage.  It sounds like (plugging Jessica into this definition) you were saying she thinks of herself as someone who doesn't think she's good enough based on her linking her self worth to deprivation, which fairly, could be considered a ghetto mentality.  Which, again, is something that, IMO, is driven by circumstance.  Your own childhood experience is reflective of the fact that your race had nothing to do with how you treated people.  The fact that this was said about a Latina makes it, quite honestly, slippery.   You're attributing her negative attitude to having some basis in race when we've heard her (mis)place value on material acquisitions and neighborhood. 

 

Don't mean to rant, this isn't personal, I just don't like the assignment of the ghetto belonging to a race. 

[anarchyangel84]

I'm also new to Married at First Sight. After reading some of the posts here, I wish I would've watched the last season.

Yea I don't think Jessica's Ryan could be matched with anyone else either. I don't get what these experts saw in him. His temper is ridiculous. He said something like he's not going to let ANYONE cross him- even if they're a woman. What a DOUCHE!! Their issues with communication makes me want to beat my head against a wall!!

She holds stuff in because she doesn't want to make Ryan mad. But then it comes out later anyway. The closet/dresser problem is ridiculousn! Use what's left of the wedding money & BUY ANOTHER DRESSER!! Jess ne eds to say what's bothering her WHEN it bothergs her. b

Ryan says that he wants Jess to talk more but everytime she tries to, he runs out of the room like a big baby. He also blames Jess for everything!

[BunnySlippers]

You do realize that this show is heavily edited, right?

 - from the looks of the talking heads shot, it appears that his "libido" remarks were all filmed at the same time.  The editors have decided to slice and dice and sprinkle them through out the last couple of shows.

 

- again, that conversation showed, what?  30 seconds of Ryan talking and the rest of the time was Jac and her friends/family.  We have no idea what else he said.  And his reaction was not out of bounds.  He's only known her for 2 weeks.

 

-And if he had let her pay then you would be saying that Jac was being inconsiderate of his feelings.  Somebody had to give in but it doesn't mean they were being inconsiderate of the others feelings.

 

-Again, his talking head shots were he talks about his mom and niece look like they were all shot at the same time.  The editors have just sliced it up and sprinkled it through a couple of shows.

 

-Just because we haven't heard Ryan talking about his mistakes doesn't mean he hasn't.  As Dr. C pointed out in one of his postings, the couples only get 13 minutes per show.  The producers are only going to show us what they think is most interesting and fits the story they want to tell.  I caught a few minutes of a rerun of the 2nd or 3rd episode the other day and they were showing a talking head shot of Jessica that was done in the apartment they currently live in (with the brick wall) but it was before the had actually moved in.  The same is true for Jac - they did a talking head shot of her sitting on the brown couch with the blue throw blanket that is in the home they live in now...but it was before they had moved in together.  Just because we don't see it doesn't mean it doesn't happen and things don't seem to shown in the order they actually happened..

 

I love Jac and could totally see myself being friends with her (unlike the other two women).  But I get where someone as laid back as Ryan would be overwhelmed with her personality.  And again, we are only seeing what the producers want us to see.

 

Yes, I'm fully aware that this show is heavily edited. It's highly possible that we're not getting the full picture; however, we can only base our opinions on what we actually see on the show, and from what I've seen, that's the opinion I have formed.

 

- Ryan talked about Jaclyn's libido last night, too. He basically said she wants to have sex too much and he's fine with a once-a-day thing.

 

- As for the baby talk, yes, it's too early to talk about that, but - again, just from what they showed us from that conversation - he seemed pretty stubborn about it.

 

- No, I would not say that Jac was inconsiderate of his feelings if he had let her pay. She was the one who said first that she was going to pay, and then he could pay for something else later. It was Ryan who didn't accept this and refused her offer. I understand that he wanted to seem manly and perceived this whole "who's going to pay for the groceries" thing as an attack on his masculinity. And I do think that Jaclyn should have given up much faster. Their argument in front of the clerk was embarrassing. But I think Ryan has to realize that this is the 21st century, and not every woman wants the man to pay for everything. They should have discussed the financial side of their shopping trip before they set foot in that store.

 

- He talked about his mom and his niece and being homesick when they visited Jaclyn's family. And it seemed like it wasn't just one sentence or two. Of course, it could be the editing again, but it seemed like he went on and on about it.

 

I agree about Jaclyn. I would love to be friends with her, but you're right; after a visit it would be nice to be alone and have some quiet time. Ryan doesn't get that chance - at least not when they are together. So I can understand that it's getting to be too much for him.

 

They are still the most normal couple out of the three, and I like to watch their relationship develop, but I don't think the experts did such a great job matching these two. Especially not with the long physical distance between their usual locations. I think they would be great as friends, but not perfect as a married couple. I still think they are going to make it; it's just hard to see these issues between them.

 

[bichonblitz]

 

 

I watched their last fight last night and heard something interesting from Jessica.  She said to Ryan, "You think because you drive a Benz and you live in Staten Island that you're better than me?"

 

Whoa.  That was very telling.  Perhaps that's the problem with Jessica and Ryan D.  Jessica thinks that Ryan think's he's too good for her.  Jessica feels she's a girl from the Bronx, where Ryan is from Staten Island.  The Bronx is the poorest borough in NYC.  

 

 

I'm a former New Yorker and I can tell you Staten Island is just one little step above the Bronx. It's nothing to be jealous or feel inferior about. As far as the Benz, It's probably a lease and Ryan runs the payments through his business. Young Jessica has a lot to learn.

[okerry]

Someone who has an inferiority complex and bad attitude towards people of perceived better financial means and/or social standing (which may be in their view due to your race).  Jessica's way with Ryan seems classic to me of that.  Being white and from a middle class background myself, when I was young and lived in the Bronx I was often the butt end of young people from lower income neighborhoods in the Bronx sucking their teeth, getting surly and in some cases even accusing me of being stuck up and racist.  It was regrettable because I knew it was their issue, not mine.  This was especially bad in the 70s and 80s, when I lived there.  It's not so much like that now, but there are still remnants of it.  I eventually left the Bronx when I was 33 and believe me, getting away from being vilified and hated by people who didn't even know me was a total RELIEF.  When I moved to CT I found out I'm actually a nice person.  Even people of other races actually LIKED me!  I'm sensitive so it really did hurt me, I must admit. I always saw their behavior as the victim's way of exerting reverse racism or getting even with their perceived persecutor.  But I was never racist myself so I was the wrong target for it.  I wouldn't have lived in the Bronx until I was that age if I were.  Perhaps that's one reason I sympathize with Ryan because I see him as being the target of behavior from Jessica that looks mighty familiar to me from personal experience.

Very, very interesting. I ran into a similar thing many years ago when I was working for low wages in a downtown city area with a lot of other single moms. I'm white and many of them were black. It was stunning to me how many of them refused to even speak to me when I started work there. I was sure no better and no richer than they were, and working just as hard. And all it did was hold THEM back.

 

Fortunately, once they got to know me I was able to make friends with some of these women, but some never came around. So, yes, "ghetto mentality" is a very real phenomenon, and seeing certain community leaders encourage it by telling folks that somebody else is victimizing them and holding them back does absolutely nothing to help. Tends to make said community leaders very rich, though, through the donations their followers send them.

 

Anyway, I know we're getting OT here. But I did think this was a good observation about Jessica, and now I understand why Snarklepuss didn't have much sympathy for her!

 

And yes, I fully agree that a "ghetto" can be a ghetto through race, or class, or economic standing, or other things. Not solely race and that's not how I was using it.

[girlplease]

Use what's left of the wedding money & BUY ANOTHER DRESSER!!

 

Ha! Now that's some real world common sense. Good call, anarchyangel!

[Neurochick]

My sense from watching is that Ryan DOES feel he's better than Jessica, while Jessica lives her life like a wounded animal because not only does she believe she IS inferior to most people, she resents feeling that way. She's trapped in a maze of "Help me to feel better/No wait! I have no right to feel better!" Its very sad to see Jessica sinking into a well of despair, of her own making.

 

 

See, I don't get that.  What I get is Jessica thinking that Ryan thinks he's better than she.  I see Ryan as having a lot of bravado, but ti doesn't bother me.  A lot of young guys are like that, to me, Ryan's full of a lot of hot air, but if Jessica's very sensitive to feeling inferior, she probably sees him as putting her down.

[Snarklepuss]

I'm sorry for your experience, it sounds pretty terrible.   I think I understand what you're saying here but I want to unlink the impression that ghetto and racist are interchangeable.   A ghetto isn't specific to race, it's comprised of people whose only certain commonality is economic disadvantage.  It sounds like (plugging Jessica into this definition) you were saying she thinks of herself as someone who doesn't think she's good enough based on her linking her self worth to deprivation, which fairly, could be considered a ghetto mentality.  Which, again, is something that, IMO, is driven by circumstance.  Your own childhood experience is reflective of the fact that your race had nothing to do with how you treated people.  The fact that this was said about a Latina makes it, quite honestly, slippery.   You're attributing her negative attitude to having some basis in race when we've heard her (mis)place value on material acquisitions and neighborhood. 

 

Don't mean to rant, this isn't personal, I just don't like the assignment of the ghetto belonging to a race. 

 

I'm trying to get inside Jessica's head.  From the Jessicas I've met in NYC coming from her class and neighborhood, it is often about their own sense of racial inferiority as well as income and class standing.  I think Ryan sees himself as coming out of where Jessica is and doesn't want to identify himself with it.  I don't think it's about Ryan looking down on her race, but about the way he sees her in terms of mentality and such.  I don't even think it's about income as much as what image she projects.  If she lost some of the accent and went all J-Lo on him he'd LOVE her, IMO!

 

Let's put it this way - If I had not lost some of my "Bronx girl" mentality and image when I moved to Connecticut I'd likely never have fit in here one bit (not to mention the accent which is looked upon here as unsophisticated and low class no matter how smart and rich you are).  It's a shame but image is everything.  I know I am looked upon as smarter, richer and just all around more sophisticated 20 years into living here than I was seen when I first moved here.  I think Ryan is responding to the image Jessica gives off, not necessarily what she might be if she polished herself up a little.  I think you do have to love and respect yourself if others are to return that feeling.

Edited May 6, 2015 by Snarklepuss

[Snarklepuss]

I just had a thought about how ironic it is that Ryan thinks he's so much better than Jessica in terms of class, etc., when most of the world sees him as a guido wannabe with a low class accent, LOL.  I am reminded of how I felt moving to CT 20 years ago feeling like people saw me as a low class typical sterotype of a NY Italian girl from the Bronx and now most people don't even think I'm from NY right away let alone of Italian descent, LOL.

[sleekandchic]

"Ghetto" is such a loaded term that I prefer not to use it at all. It is ambiguous at best and tied in with race at its worst. YMMV.

Ryan lives above a pasta shop and drives a Benz? I think he is the type to wear his money on his back. I'm not convinced that he's rich or more than middle class. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it seems like he definitely has different priorities when it comes to money.

I completely agree with all your points here, gimme.

[BunnySlippers]

I've been thinking about the introvert vs. extrovert thing, and I've just realized that, in a way, it's Vaughn vs. Monet all over again. He couldn't take her boisterous personality either, and he found her annoying. It doesn't seem that bad between Ryan and Jaclyn (yet?) but, given this history, shouldn't the "experts" have learnt from the Vaughn/Monet fiasco and been more careful about putting two such different personalities together?

 

Just another thing that shows how competent these "experts" are.

 

I also wonder if they'll have some counseling sessions for the couples like they did on the first season. Or did they have some, they just don't show it?

[Neurochick]

The problem with this show is that's what it is, a show.  It's not a documentary, it's not PBS, it's not supposed to be used for a learning tool.  

 

It's a show, and all shows are meant to entertain and to make money.  The way that shows make money is by getting viewers, and the way shows get viewers is to be outrageous.  The "experts" didn't pair these couples because they wanted to make good matches, they did it to create maximum drama and today drama gets viewers, if that wasn't true, nobody would watch any of the Real Housewives shows.  

 

Let's pair up an extreme introvert and an extrovert and see what happens!  Let's pair up a woman who can't speak up with a macho dude who puts her down all the time.  Let's pair up a woman who doesn't want to leave Manhattan with a man who lives hours away in Jersey, who hates the city and works nights.  

 

It's like a circus, a train wreck.  We talk about how bad the experts are and all, but in reality, we're all watching.  I mean I wonder how many people would watch if they featured three couples who got along and discussed their problems quietly and civilly?  Maybe a few people would watch, but not as many as FYI or A&E want.

[leighdear]

Almost every reality show represented on these boards is the same way, with the exception of the skill/talent/competition shows. 

 

But even a show like "Dance Moms" that features a school of very talented dancers is really just about the drama manufactured by the egotistical leader and the emotional moms.

 

Every show is scripted.  There is no way any production team can let a cast run unchecked. 

 

But of course it's all about the money and ratings.  There are too many hours of programming to fill to let little things like honesty, integrity or realism muck things up!

Edited May 6, 2015 by leighdear

[Snarklepuss]

Let's pair up an extreme introvert and an extrovert and see what happens!  Let's pair up a woman who can't speak up with a macho dude who puts her down all the time.  Let's pair up a woman who doesn't want to leave Manhattan with a man who lives hours away in Jersey, who hates the city and works nights. 

 

Yep, I said the same thing a couple of weeks ago about this show - maybe they decided to put the emphasis on the "experiment" for drama value rather than put together people who had any real chance of matching well.  Or perhaps they're testing the old adage, "opposites attract".  Having one thing in common while everything else is at odds is not a match.

[BunnySlippers]

 

It's a show, and all shows are meant to entertain and to make money.  The way that shows make money is by getting viewers, and the way shows get viewers is to be outrageous.  The "experts" didn't pair these couples because they wanted to make good matches, they did it to create maximum drama and today drama gets viewers, if that wasn't true, nobody would watch any of the Real Housewives shows.  

 

...

 

It's like a circus, a train wreck.  We talk about how bad the experts are and all, but in reality, we're all watching.  I mean I wonder how many people would watch if they featured three couples who got along and discussed their problems quietly and civilly?  Maybe a few people would watch, but not as many as FYI or A&E want.

 

Very good points. Sad, though, and I hope that whoever's going to sign up for season 3 will be aware of this.

 

I actually wasn't going to watch this show. I don't usually watch reality TV (except for some creative talent competitions), and when I first saw the ads for the first season, I just shook my head and rolled my eyes. But my curiosity won, and once I started to watch, I wanted to see what was going to happen with the couples. I would be among the small number of people who would watch this even if it was about people getting along and falling in love, because I like to see people happy. My least favorite parts are the fights. But it's very possible that less people would watch if there were no drama and fights.