Jessica & Ryan D

[joobie]

I quite honestly think Ryan is getting beat up in social media unfairly. I think actions speak louder than words. He does have a hard time saying the words right but his actions are clear. HE compromised by moving to an apartment she wanted. There was one he loved and she told him it was silly to spend that much. She didn't want it he let her pick. She called him stupid for spending so much money going out to eat yet doesn't cook. Not only does she NOT cook, she doesn't even go get the food so Ryan can eat when he gets home. HE walked into the apartment and immediately went over and kissed he hello. She couldn't even bother to stand up and greet him. He asked about a home cooked dinner and she went off on him with things that had nothing to do with dinner. HE walked away without embarassing her to an audience yet she let us believe he stole their wedding money.On New Year's Eve they stayed home with HER friends. He didn't complain and he interacted very nicely with them. HE made his peanutbutter banana thing or whatever and was willing to share it with her. She said she prefers pancakes but didn't offer to make them. The ironing thing was silly but he even moved a table over to make it easier for her. I wouldn't think of ironing on a bed because it is too soft but thats just me. Was it a dumb argument? Absolutely. In his talking heads he always talks about wanting Jess to be happy and compromising and communicating. In Jess's talking heads it's all I didn't sign up for this, this isn't what I want yadda yadda yadda making Ryan look bad. I think Ryan's grandparents were Ralph and Alice Cramden and there definitely was a lot of love in that relationship.

[Liberty]

It's entirely possible that Ryan's grandparents did not display the entire range of their relationship to their grandson.  Ryan may be looking through his 'grandson goggles' when he sees his grandparents.  Who knows.  It is painfully obvious that if Ryan said to himself,  the "experts" will fix me up with a woman just like his grandmother he was bound to be disappointed.

 

One thing for sure, he cannot replay his grandparents relationship in his mind and expect his new wife to play the part of his grandmother.  If she wanted to, Jessica still has no idea how to live up to Ryan's image.

 

Not unusual for a new spouse to have difficulty living up to the role model the other imagines.

 

Neither of them chose their partner, but they did choose this direction for marriage.  They need to get to work and move forward together rather than pointing fingers at each other. Saying one is a worse partner than the other is keeping score just like they do...you took $100, you took $30.

 

Until they both make an effort together they will live in a land of shattered dreams.

[HumblePi]

I quite honestly think Ryan is getting beat up in social media unfairly. I think actions speak louder than words. He does have a hard time saying the words right but his actions are clear. HE compromised by moving to an apartment she wanted. There was one he loved and she told him it was silly to spend that much. She didn't want it he let her pick. She called him stupid for spending so much money going out to eat yet doesn't cook. Not only does she NOT cook, she doesn't even go get the food so Ryan can eat when he gets home. HE walked into the apartment and immediately went over and kissed he hello. She couldn't even bother to stand up and greet him. He asked about a home cooked dinner and she went off on him with things that had nothing to do with dinner. HE walked away without embarassing her to an audience yet she let us believe he stole their wedding money.On New Year's Eve they stayed home with HER friends. He didn't complain and he interacted very nicely with them. HE made his peanutbutter banana thing or whatever and was willing to share it with her. She said she prefers pancakes but didn't offer to make them. The ironing thing was silly but he even moved a table over to make it easier for her. I wouldn't think of ironing on a bed because it is too soft but thats just me. Was it a dumb argument? Absolutely. In his talking heads he always talks about wanting Jess to be happy and compromising and communicating. In Jess's talking heads it's all I didn't sign up for this, this isn't what I want yadda yadda yadda making Ryan look bad. I think Ryan's grandparents were Ralph and Alice Cramden and there definitely was a lot of love in that relationship.

When Ryan walked in from work, and Jessica asked how his day was and he let her know it was long, and he appeared to be tired. She shouldn't have been sitting at the table reading a magazine, she should have been in the kitchen making supper. That would have taken away the 'you never cook' argument. They agree they need an activity to do together. Why don't they cook something together? "Hey, what do you feel like eating? I feel like pasta so let's go shopping together and let's spend the evening together cooking the pasta sauce."  Two birds with one stone, cooking together as an activity and not eating sushi, and no argument about either of them.

[Kiss my mutt]

Doesn't jessica work too? He seems to always be coming home to her

[SaucyMommy]

"work" is that a real job or her modeling job we are discussing?

[sleekandchic]

I understand that it was Jessica who offered to grocery shop and to cook at home. Her main reason was to be frugal and to save for the future.

However...she does hold a f/t office job. Its not as though she's sitting at home all day, doing nothing. So the notion that Ryan should walk in to the sights and smells of a yummy dinner on the stove is unfair to me.

Does Ryan work a regular schedule, five days a week, as a consultant? Under normal circumstances (that is, if he and/or Jess were sane, which theyre not) I'd suggest a compromise of Ryan shopping, then Jess cooking when she gets home.

However, Ryan made it clear he's not into shopping or cooking, and its not fair to demand either of that from him at this point.

I dont know whats going on with the editing, but the situation DID look like Ryan came home from a hard day's work, to find Jess just sitting and moping, no food on the stove. But I think that tableau was inaccurate.

My little guess is that Jess was hopeful that cooking/ shopping would lead to saving money faster for the perfect happy life in their own home with kids and pup and white picket fence. The two of them fell into Hate so quickly and completely that she no longer has those goals and no longer wishes to do anything at all for him. Lets face it, he will despise anything she cooks anyway. ("My grandmother never made that!")

This couple is on the Date from Hell, but its lasting six weeks! Torture for both. Jess or Ryan should do a Vaughn and split in body, mind and location. Quick! Like a bunny, hunny!

[HAPPYHARRISON]

This is my first post.  I had to sign up to chat about these three couples!

 

My take on Ryan and Jessica is that she is a people pleaser and was instantly attracted to Ryan at the wedding.  I do not think Ryan was remotely attracted to her looks or personality and now he is constantly angry that she does not measure up to whatever fantasy he had before the ceremony.

 

I have not noticed Ryan ever being complimentary or even pleasant to Jess.  He makes rude comments and labels them jokes and his first instinct is to raise his voice if he ever feels any remote discomfort.  Now I will say my husband and I both will make sarcastic jokes about eachother but we also have a solid foundation where we have mutual love and respect for eachother.  It seems to me that Ryan D skipped that step.

 

I think Jessica did not want the first apartment because Ryan had already told her that he could contribute X amount to rent and that particular apartment was more than that.  Now perhaps if they had a history she would now that a couple hundred dollars extra a month wouldn't phase Ryan but at this point she had only known him a week and I think she was cautious since the apartment rent could very well be more than her total income.

 

I can understand why Jessica has not started cooking.  Even when Ryan said okay I'll compromise you can tell he didn't sound overjoyed with the idea.  Couple that with the fact that he will belittle Jessica for anything that doesn't even effect him, like where she irons, if she can't find the door to the bathroom on their honeymoon room, etc., I can't blame her for not whipping something up for Ryan.  He would likely bite her head off.

 

Now all of this being said I don't think Ryan is a bad guy, I just think he needs a woman who enjoys banter and I truly believe if he was attracted to Jessica he would temper his reactions.  I think Jessica needs a more laid back guy that will appreciate her and will allow her a pretty low conflict homelife. 

[JAndy]

It's kind of interesting to read on here that a lot people think that a woman should have a home cooked meal for her husband on the table. I mean it's nice to do, but it's not a woman's "job" to have a meal for her husband.

My husband and I both work. I leave for work earlier and therefore get home earlier but I don't cook every night. Sometimes I have a hard day and don't feel like cooking. So my husband cooks. It would just bother if my husband said to me "I could use a home cooked meal, just saying." I wouldn't respond well to those types of comments.

[Adeejay]

It's kind of interesting to read on here that a lot people think that a woman should have a home cooked meal for her husband on the table. I mean it's nice to do, but it's not a woman's "job" to have a meal for her husband.

 

I believe you are taking things out of context. Jessica said that she enjoys cooking, but so far she hasn't made an effort to do so,  subsequently, they are having sushi for dinner every single night. 

[Snarklepuss]

It's kind of interesting to read on here that a lot people think that a woman should have a home cooked meal for her husband on the table. I mean it's nice to do, but it's not a woman's "job" to have a meal for her husband.

My husband and I both work. I leave for work earlier and therefore get home earlier but I don't cook every night. Sometimes I have a hard day and don't feel like cooking. So my husband cooks. It would just bother if my husband said to me "I could use a home cooked meal, just saying." I wouldn't respond well to those types of comments.

 

No, people didn't say that because they think a woman should have a home cooked meal on the table for her husband, it's that any spouse that advertises that they like to cook should put their money where their mouth is and actually cook instead of reading a magazine and waiting for their spouse to get home so they can launch into the dreaded "What do you want to do for dinner tonight?" conversation which just ends up with them back getting sushi again.  The only reason Ryan said he could use a home cooked meal is because Jessica said she liked to cook.  She was the one who made a big deal about how she shopped in supermarkets and made a lot of her meals from scratch.  Again, given my post above, I can understand what a huge undertaking that might feel like under their present circumstances.  But like someone else said, they could make it fun by doing it together.  They are not looking for ways to make everything about them doing things as a couple and so they are not meshing very well at all.

 

 I think Ryan's grandparents were Ralph and Alice Cramden and there definitely was a lot of love in that relationship.

 

I love this analogy - I was thinking Stiller and Meara myself but I like this one even better.

[gingerandcloves]

Jessica is starting to bug me. I understand in a way where she's coming from, because I hate confrontation myself and I will avoid arguments like the plague. But she just holds it in until she explodes and that sets off a shouting match. She's so quick to complain on camera about every little thing Ryan does but will she actually say it to his face? No. Come on! Either say it to him or get over it. She just cannot continue to seethe over things and rack up things in her head and expect that this relationship is going to work. Jess needs to learn to not take offense over every little thing - don't always put the worst interpretation on it. Ryan probably feels like he can't say anything without her taking it the wrong way. Ryan on the other hand needs to lay off the joking and teasing some and realize that he can't boss her around. I do think he's trying harder and is less irritating (to me, at least) than he was on the honeymoon. Jess is getting on my nerves - she needs to grow up and put on her big girl panties and stop blaming him for all their issues.

[girlplease]

If I were Jessica, I would never want to cook for Ryan. He's constantly taking jabs at her. If cooking is something she enjoys doing and takes pride in, I can understand why she's reluctant to subject it to his inevitable criticism.

[Neurochick]

It's kind of interesting to read on here that a lot people think that a woman should have a home cooked meal for her husband on the table. I mean it's nice to do, but it's not a woman's "job" to have a meal for her husband.

My husband and I both work. I leave for work earlier and therefore get home earlier but I don't cook every night. Sometimes I have a hard day and don't feel like cooking. So my husband cooks. It would just bother if my husband said to me "I could use a home cooked meal, just saying." I wouldn't respond well to those types of comments.

 

The issue with Jessica is that she was the one who instigated it.  She said that she likes to cook.  Don't go on and on about how much you like to cook and shop if you're not going to do it.  If someone tells me how much they love to cook, I am going to assume that they will cook.

 

Things are different today.  The reason it was the woman's "job" to cook and clean was because in most cases, the woman stayed home while the man went to work, that's what my mother, grandmothers and great grandmothers did.  Today both people work but because of things like take out food and TV and microwave dinners, men and women never sat down collectively and had that conversation about who was going to do the cooking.  

[Meri MJE]

I want  her to RUN AWAY as fast as she can from him.

 

THEN!

Somehow, through therapy, whatever it takes, understand that 1) she is a person who is completely worthy of love and respect.

2) Sex does not mean love. It doesn't get you love either, I really wonder how different this couple would be if they had not boinked on the day they met.

 

Ryan is a scary kid (I wrote kid because wow is he a childish brat). Finding out that his Grandpa, who is his role model, yelled at his Grandmother and called her names regularly? Arrgh. He reminds me of people who were given trophies "just for playing" and who was told how awesome he was all of his life, and if Jessica doesn't get in line & worship him, she is not worthy! No clue why these two were matched (or why Mr Marvelous didn't have a gaggle of girls in line to kiss his feet, haha), but she HAS to stand up for herself, I am really worried this "line" he keeps threatening to cross means he will hit her. And that is so scary.

 

Does anyone know what Jessica does for a living? Every one of these girls, last season and this one, seems to have professional-ish (you know, your friend who has the shiniest camera and a FaceBook page :0)) bunch of photos in which they pout and try to look sexy, and refer to themselves as "models". Huh? If that is what she and Jamie, maybe also Cortney from last season, and Jamie confuses me so much (does she want to be wife/Mom or ANYTHING ON TV! MUST BE ON TV OR IT DOESN'T COUNT!?) if they are doing this to "be famous", then this is a waste of everyone's time.
Regardless of any of that, I really hope Jessica will leave, otherwise someone will get hurt physically. I feel anxious watching  these two.

[shopper73]

It is difficult to make a marriage too business-like, it takes the romance out of it!

IMO Jessica is now not cooking for Ryan on purpose. Her direct answer to him when he asked her about it was that she doesn't like how he speaks to her. She has checked out and now doesn't care to do anything for him or to save money for later.

I also think she has a right to be upset about the wedding money. It was a little crazy of whatever family gave them that money-they were really treating the experiment so seriously!

I think Ryan Is not typical of today's prototype of a husband, and needs to rethink his role models!

[HumblePi]

I don't know if it's only me or not but there's something about RyanD that gives me a deep ominous feeling inside. He just seems like the type of man that could really be explosive and impulsive. He just seems to have very little control of his anger. I felt that the first time I saw him looking with side-eyes at Jessica. It was almost an evil look. It's like he has a volcanic eruption just under his surface. I don't like Ryan at all and out of the 3 mien, he's the one that I'd say would fail first at this experiment. There's nothing warm, gentle or genuine about him that I could see. I always look for the best in anyone, just any sign that they have a warm heart. I couldn't find that in RyanD.

[moonxyz]

I’ve noticed something about Ryan D. HE HAS NO GAME WHAT SO EVER. That could explain what he’s on this show: he can get girls , but has no clue how to deal with them.

 

You want your wife to cook you a meal? why don’t you call her and tell her you would love to eat x y or z when you get off work ?Or better yet, if you come home from work and she hasn't cooked, take her by the hips, drag her to the kitchen, whisper sexy shit in her ear to motivate her. You think she’ll say no ?

 

I think he doesn’t know how to seduce a woman. Seduction IMO  is a very important part of a relationship. But so far I haven’t seen anyone attempt to seduce their SO except Jaclyn (albeit with a big helping of fakeness).  Doug from season 1 won Jamie over by seducing her.

 

Something else about Douche : I can’t think of a single heterosexual man I know that would pick a fight over ironing on a bed. Hell, I’m a woman but I would never do such nagging shit.

Edited May 2, 2015 by moonxyz

[okerry]

These so-called experts had better stop focusing on stupid nit-picking things like "how Ryan shows affection" and "Jessica is just sensitive" and take a great big dose of The Big Picture.

 

Truth is, Ryan went on a blind date with a chick at a party, took her up to his room after they'd been drinking, and they had sex. That's really all that happened. Now he's tired of his one-night stand and wants her to leave. But she won't, so he'll just be a huge gigantic azz to her until she gets the message and goes home.

 

Substitute "Vaughn and Monet" for "Ryan and Jessica" and it's exactly the same thing.

 

Men are very, very good at sabotaging relationships they don't want so that the WOMAN will leave. Then the man doesn't have to. Vaughn did the same thing to Monet.

 

For the next shows? First, no alcohol at the wedding receptions. No alcohol in the honeymoon suite. If these people are going to consummate their "marriage", they'd better do it stone-cold sober and be sure it's what they really want.

 

Of course, the producers know very well that alcohol really helps this process so they're going to keep it in there. But we can expect more disasters like the aforementioned couples. At least I didn't fear for Monet's safety, but I do when watching Ryan and Jessica. That should have been stopped.

[trashjunkie]

 

I have not noticed Ryan ever being complimentary or even pleasant to Jess.  He makes rude comments and labels them jokes and his first instinct is to raise his voice if he ever feels any remote discomfort.  Now I will say my husband and I both will make sarcastic jokes about eachother but we also have a solid foundation where we have mutual love and respect for eachother.  It seems to me that Ryan D skipped that step.

 

 

YES, these are my thoughts exactly.  I think that's the main issue with Ryan's idolization of his grandparents' marriage.  I imagine that even though his grandfather told his grandmother to "shut up" on occasion, they had a solid foundation of decades of love and support.  You can't just say things like that right off the bat and expect a relationship to grow around them.

[Waterlilly]

I think sometimes Ryan's Italian and Jessica's Latin come out when they argue. My friends are Cuban and sometimes I wonder if they hear what the other one is saying. Yet, they are just as passionately in love and devoted to each other. I think R and J need to learn to hear each other.

[MsPH]

Yeah, Ryan is a Russian jew. Only his stepfather is Italian. I find it really strange that he uses his stepfather's surname on the show, but another surname on LinkedIn. Is he trying to hide something? Shady character.

 

I think Jess has trouble being herself because Ryan constantly has that judgmental annoyed look on his face. As a sensitive person she's bound to sense it and feel uncomfortable. Seems she's done trying to stay on his good side now though.

[Waterlilly]

Pardon my mistake.

[Snarklepuss]

Yeah, Ryan is a Russian jew. Only his stepfather is Italian. I find it really strange that he uses his stepfather's surname on the show, but another surname on LinkedIn. Is he trying to hide something? Shady character.

 

Can you post a link to that page?  What is the other surname?

[MsPH]

Can you post a link to that page?  What is the other surname?

 

https://www.linkedin.com/pub/ryan-oehl/32/825/632

[Neurochick]

For the next shows? First, no alcohol at the wedding receptions. No alcohol in the honeymoon suite. If these people are going to consummate their "marriage", they'd better do it stone-cold sober and be sure it's what they really want.

Of course, the producers know very well that alcohol really helps this process so they're going to keep it in there. But we can expect more disasters like the aforementioned couples. At least I didn't fear for Monet's safety, but I do when watching Ryan and Jessica. That should have been stopped.

 

 

That's an interesting point, but in real life, people do drink alcohol, not everybody but most people do and not everybody who drinks gets drunk.

[Snarklepuss]

https://www.linkedin.com/pub/ryan-oehl/32/825/632

 

Thanks, it's telling me this user and I don't know anyone in common so it won't show me the profile.  Ugh.

[MsPH]

I can't view the profile anymore either, it just tells me to sign up. But if you google the name in the link, the results show you where he works. Or worked. Not sure if he still does since he's supposed to be a entrepreneur.

[buckbuck]

I understand that it was Jessica who offered to grocery shop and to cook at home. Her main reason was to be frugal and to save for the future.

However...she does hold a f/t office job. Its not as though she's sitting at home all day, doing nothing. So the notion that Ryan should walk in to the sights and smells of a yummy dinner on the stove is unfair to me.

Does Ryan work a regular schedule, five days a week, as a consultant? Under normal circumstances (that is, if he and/or Jess were sane, which theyre not) I'd suggest a compromise of Ryan shopping, then Jess cooking when she gets home.

However, Ryan made it clear he's not into shopping or cooking, and its not fair to demand either of that from him at this point.

I dont know whats going on with the editing, but the situation DID look like Ryan came home from a hard day's work, to find Jess just sitting and moping, no food on the stove. But I think that tableau was inaccurate.

My little guess is that Jess was hopeful that cooking/ shopping would lead to saving money faster for the perfect happy life in their own home with kids and pup and white picket fence. The two of them fell into Hate so quickly and completely that she no longer has those goals and no longer wishes to do anything at all for him. Lets face it, he will despise anything she cooks anyway. ("My grandmother never made that!")

This couple is on the Date from Hell, but its lasting six weeks! Torture for both. Jess or Ryan should do a Vaughn and split in body, mind and location. Quick! Like a bunny, hunny!

 

I think Jess works in Brooklyn, doesn't she? That's where their new apartment is. Ryan, on the other hand, has to commute to work. Since she's first one home, it's not unreasonable to me that she be the one to do the cooking; maybe Ryan can do the washing up.

I watched the episode again and it seems like Ryan D. was messing with Jessica with the whole ironing thing. I think he was expecting her to play along or give it back to him but instead Jessica huffed and puffed and angrily used the bed because she wasn't in the mood. They can't read each other at all. Ryan D. needs someone who can go toe-to-toe with him and Jessica needs someone who will tell her how wonderful she is.

I thought this too the first time I saw it but when I watched a second time he did look angry as he was walking out of the shot after getting her the table to iron on.

The issue with Jessica is that she was the one who instigated it. 

 

That's what really gets me about her. In her talking head segments she's always saying she hates disagreements and she'll do anything to avoid them but it seems that all she does is cause them.

[Phoenix]

I don't think Ryan ever recovered from his poor first impression of Jessica.  The manner in which Jessica conducted herself at their wedding was poor.   Ryan seemed so disappointed with who the experts selected for him...it was easy to see in the way he was contemplating her looks & reacting to her endless hysteria.  Her demeanor was not appropriate for a wedding.  When she met Ryan at the altar she was practically humped over with giddiness...and her incessant laughter with her mouth wide open was in such poor taste for a church wedding.  The minister even said something a couple of times...like this ceremonious occasion is to be taken seriously.  Once she said this in a very loud voice..."Oh, this is going to be fun...this is going to be fun!!".  As the ceremony ended and they posed for a quick pic at the altar, she did a thumbs up and mugged to the camera with her mouth hanging wide open once again.

 

Then her comment to Ryan within minutes of the wedding ending, about the fun he'll have taking off her dress later that evening.  He was absolutely stunned...but responded by saying...that's a nice dress.  She also kept him waiting in front of the crowd at church for a full 30 minutes, due to having dress problems...that would seem like an eternity considering the situation.

Edited May 4, 2015 by Phoenix

[JapMo]

 

I don't think Ryan ever recovered from his poor first impression of Jessica.  The manner in which Jessica conducted herself at their wedding was poor.   Ryan seemed so disappointed with who the experts selected for him...it was easy to see in the way he was contemplating her looks & reacting to her endless hysteria.  Her demeanor was not appropriate for a wedding.  When she met Ryan at the altar she was practically humped over with giddiness...and her incessant laughter with her mouth wide open was in such poor taste for a church wedding.  The minister even said something a couple of times...like this ceremonious occasion is to be taken seriously.  Once she said this in a very loud voice..."Oh, this is going to be fun...this is going to be fun!!".  As the ceremony ended and they posed for a quick pic at the altar, she did a thumbs up and mugged to the camera with her mouth hanging wide open once again.

 

Then her comment to Ryan within minutes of the wedding ending, about the fun he'll have taking off her dress later that evening.  He was absolutely stunned...but responded by saying...that's a nice dress.  She also kept him waiting in front of the crowd at church for a full 30 minutes, due to having dress problems...that would seem like an eternity considering the situation.

I just did not see that at all. I thought Jessica looked spectacular and seemed so sweet and ladylike. To me Ryan didn't seem disappointed at all, and he said more than once in the voiceovers that he thought she was very pretty. And at their wedding, I felt both conducted themselves very appropriately.

[shopper73]

It was also not a church wedding, it was at a hotel, and not a minister. But I also thought they were both appropriate for a wedding ceremony, though it is very unconventional! I thought her family was a little over the top and acted like it was a "real" wedding and they were already in love. Her mom yelling out that Ryan was hot was definitely off!

[Phoenix]

 

I just did not see that at all. I thought Jessica looked spectacular and seemed so sweet and ladylike. To me Ryan didn't seem disappointed at all, and he said more than once in the voiceovers that he thought she was very pretty. And at their wedding, I felt both conducted themselves very appropriately.

Jessica's sense of decorum in relation to being a bride at her wedding ceremony meeting her soon to be spouse for the first time, was as I described in my prior post.  But that is my subjective observation.  You've just given your subjective opinion on how you viewed her conduct.  We are both seeing it differently and that's what makes watching this reality show so interesting....discussing each others viewpoints on each of these couples. 

It was also not a church wedding, it was at a hotel, and not a minister. But I also thought they were both appropriate for a wedding ceremony, though it is very unconventional! I thought her family was a little over the top and acted like it was a "real" wedding and they were already in love. Her mom yelling out that Ryan was hot was definitely off!

You are right about it not being held at a church...I missed that info originally.  I agree about Jessica's mom...LOL...she was really wound up.

[sleekandchic]

I gave Jessica's mom and her over-the-top reaction to Ryan D a pass. I'm sure the entire situation was weird and scary, and mom felt she was in surreal world.

I wouldnt be surprised if mom expected Danny DeVito's troll to come walking down the conference room path! Her reaction to Ryan was one huge relief of extreme anxiety, I bet. :)

http://sites.psu.edu/rockblogs/wp-content/uploads/sites/4182/2013/09/Its_Always_Sunny_Frank_Troll_Toll-e1380289273729.jpg

[heavenly]

I think Jess works in Brooklyn, doesn't she? That's where their new apartment is. Ryan, on the other hand, has to commute to work. Since she's first one home, it's not unreasonable to me that she be the one to do the cooking; maybe Ryan can do the washing up.

I thought this too the first time I saw it but when I watched a second time he did look angry as he was walking out of the shot after getting her the table to iron on.

 

That's what really gets me about her. In her talking head segments she's always saying she hates disagreements and she'll do anything to avoid them but it seems that all she does is cause them.

agree Jessica causes all the arguments.  none of this is real.  these 2 want to be reality show stars.  ryan wouldn't look at her at the altar.  they are a mess but entertaining!

Edited May 5, 2015 by heavenly

[heavenly]

Jessica's sense of decorum in relation to being a bride at her wedding ceremony meeting her soon to be spouse for the first time, was as I described in my prior post.  But that is my subjective observation.  You've just given your subjective opinion on how you viewed her conduct.  We are both seeing it differently and that's what makes watching this reality show so interesting....discussing each others viewpoints on each of these couples. 

You are right about it not being held at a church...I missed that info originally.  I agree about Jessica's mom...LOL...she was really wound up.

jess' mom wishes she was the bride LOL!  they are all inappropriate don't you think so.  it was a commitment ceremony only.  there's a petition online banning this show I think it's Australia.  an article states it's not a legal marriage but a commitment ceremony which makes sense.  at least the producers and "experts" spared ev1 from actual divorce proceedings. 

[HumblePi]

Wow these two are absolutely hopeless. There is zero communication between them despite the fact that all they do is talk about how important communication is. I think it took me 40 years of being married before I got to the 'go fuck yourself' curse. That's just exasperation on Jessica's part, she cant get through to Ryan, he's too much of a steampipe blowing off. I almost want to step in between them with arms extended and say 'be quiet, let's sit down and take turns talking in a normal tone'. I hate saying it but it almost made me sick to my stomach the way this couple treats each other. Ryan says "you're just not getting it" and Jessica says "what am I not getting?" so he blows her off saying "read a book". That's when the curse came out.  Don't these people expect that they will have to at least TRY to be what the other person needs or expects? If they're that unwilling to change things about themselves that are not positive things for a relationship then the only reason they're here at all is strictly for the publicity and money of the show. That would make them all nothing more than media whores who use their exposure via a television show to leverage their careers.

[trashjunkie]

I agree, Jessica and Ryan D's fighting was hard to watch.  I think they are both being horrible to each other.  Neither one comes out looking good at all.

 

My husband and I watch this show together (well really, I watch it and he tolerates it like a good sport) and he turned to me and said, "I can't even fathom you ever telling me to go fuck myself."  Neither can I!  Nor can I fathom him telling me I "should just know" anything and to "read a book" if I don't.  

 

It's clear these two have absolutely no respect for each other and that's the fundamental problem.  I wish they weren't forced to keep going with this for another three weeks, they both desperately need to get out because I don't think either one is going to change.

[HAPPYHARRISON]

Does anyone else think the reason Jessica waits to bring stuff up on camera is because she feels safer with a witness?  Ryan seems to be very concerned about how she represents him on camera but has little self awareness about how his actions come across on camera.  I think it may not be too far fetched that his behavior is even worse when no one else is around.

[Liberty]

Glad to see the clown painting made the trip from Staten Island to Brooklyn!

[moonxyz]

I guess her family wasn't aware of how bad the fights were. I would terrible if my daughter/sister/friend was being abused on national TV

 

[zxy556575]

I wish they weren't forced to keep going with this for another three weeks...

 

Seriously. The contracts must have huge penalty clauses if any of the participants bail before the end. (Which, understandable on the part of the producers because otherwise they have no show, but I think the people who agree to it must be neurotic and weird to start with.)

Edited May 6, 2015 by lordonia

[Adeejay]

Does anyone else think the reason Jessica waits to bring stuff up on camera is because she feels safer with a witness?  Ryan seems to be very concerned about how she represents him on camera but has little self awareness about how his actions come across on camera. 

 

I believe the main reason Ryan is so angry is because Jessica waited until the camera was rolling to voice her unease with regards to the "trashy tattoo" comment and that he'd taken $100 of their gift money.  I believe if she'd broach him about the incidents in private, he probably would have responded differently.  Sad that she felt this was her only recourse.  At this point, I don't think they trust each other.      

[sleekandchic]

Unless the camera, sound and AD crews were camping out overnight in Jessica's apartment, she should not be sleeping and showering there.

I'm not necessarily saying that Ryan might lose his temper to the point of getting physical. But why chance it?

And his silent treatments and hurtful putdowns are just as detrimental to me. Just ugh.

[smiley221]

I just don't get why the experts would choose Ryan D as a candidate for the show. They acknowledged he had a bad temper prior to matching Jessica with him.  Of all the 7,000 alleged candidates this is the best they could do?

Edited May 7, 2015 by smiley221

[JennyMominFL]

I just don't get why the experts would choose Ryan D as a candidate for the show. They acknowledged he had a bad temper prior to matching Jessica with him.  Of all the 7,000 alleged candidates this is the best they could do?

I think they did it on purpose. These matches are so bad that it must have been deliberate. Take the women who can't communicate and  hides from conflict and then pair her with a potential asshole... Yep. They did it on purpose for ratings. 

[okerry]

I think they did it on purpose. These matches are so bad that it must have been deliberate. Take the women who can't communicate and  hides from conflict and then pair her with a potential asshole... Yep. They did it on purpose for ratings. 

I'm afraid you might be right about this. Each of these couples seems to be a very poor match. Either they are polar opposites (Jaclyn/Ryan R and Jessica/Ryan D) or are suffering from so much of the same kind of dysfunction that they'll only drag each other down (Sean/Davina.)

 

The show doesn't seem to realize, though, that viewers really do watch this for the romantic aspect and real chance at love. The train-wreck aspect is too disturbing and sad when it does happen. Though I like a good train wreck as much as anyone, I'll watch something far more ridiculous like 90-Day Fiancee for that. MAFS takes itself too seriously to be good train-wreck TV. You'd think the producers would know that by now.

[Scorpiosunshine]

I'm not defending Jessica, because i think she has her own issues, but I truly believe Ryan is the real issue. He is frightening.

 

It is impossible to talk to someone who blows his top like that, then only softens when you're crying, when you're apologizing, when you're saying "I'm sorry".  She attempted to talk to him, after all that happened...she tried to do the "nice things about you" exercise. He pouted like a baby and said he couldn't think of anything.

 

During their arguments,  I have watched him twist words and phrases, physically and verbally intimidate, threaten, almost menace etc. That is not normal, and the only way to recognize it's not normal is to get the hell out of it, otherwise it becomes normal. I don't know if Ryan will hit, but he will yell, put down, eventually he will menace, he will twist, he will poke then whine about the consequences, he will admit no wrong, and he will delight when Jessica puts all the blame on herself and is in tears. 

 

I can almost guarantee it wouldn't matter too much if she were able to communicate a little better. Ok, it might matter a little -- it might take Ryan just a little longer to blow up. He is way too quick to anger. His temper  has nothing to do with Jessica; she can't change it, and he most likely can't either, not without help. If she stays, she is looking at her future. It won't get better.

 

Ryan's anger is not normal in relation to what Jessica does. It just isn't. I have seen the fallout from guys like Ryan -- his anger may seem harmless , but it isn't. If he is doing that on camera, I fear for what happens when the cameras stop. I hope she leaves him. If they stay together, it will not get better until he gets help for his temper. Either way, Jessica needs to get her own help and learn to constructively voice her opinions. Once she does that, her relationships will improve, and a bonus, she won't let men like Ryan tell her that their anger and every issue they have is all her fault and that if "she would only do this" then  he "wouldn't have to act like that". (because when you do "that'' , they keep moving the bar so that they always have an excuse for acting like "this" ...)

 

Once Jessica strengthens herself, she will speak up, she will say what's on her mind, and she will run the hell away from all the Ryans of the world. As annoying as Jessica's communication skills are, she has a much more common and much easier to solve issue. (All this is my opinion, of course)

Edited May 7, 2015 by Scorpiosunshine

[heavenly]

I thought that was specific to the Australian show?

"A spokesperson for A&E TV told TVRuckus.com today that the the U.S. couples filmed in New York for this season of the show are legally married."

http://www.tvruckus.com/2015/04/22/couples-not-married-in-married-at-first-sight-australia/

Yup.  You're right.  The link states this group is legally married.  Sad, isn't it?

[shopper73]

Scorpiosunshine, you said it so well! The thing that worries me about Jessica is that despite the reality of Ryan's outbursts and all the terrible behavior he had directed at her starting with the honeymoon, she is still insistent that he is her match, and she seems determined to make an impossible situation work. She needs an intervention! She should take no blame for this, IMHO. He is clearly a bastard! Then he hides behind his worship of his version of his grandparents' supposed relationship. He wishes Jessica was anyone other than who she is. I hope they are really together just for the cameras. I would tell him he wins, and just leave him in the dust to wallow, alone! Is he in the mob? He talks like someone from a mob movie, feeling disrespected over some imagined slight. I can't stand trying to make sense of his nonsense he hurls at Jessica. And the part that troubles me is that she accepts some of it as truth, and she takes responsibility! She believes she is a poor communicator! As far as whether the camera is on or off, they are on a TV reality show!! Grow up Ryan!!!!

[heavenly]

YES, these are my thoughts exactly.  I think that's the main issue with Ryan's idolization of his grandparents' marriage.  I imagine that even though his grandfather told his grandmother to "shut up" on occasion, they had a solid foundation of decades of love and support.  You can't just say things like that right off the bat and expect a relationship to grow around them.

I don't think Ryan cares what he says to Jessica.  He didn't like her from the moment he laid eyes on her.  He knows the fans hate him now.  I think Jessica would drive any guy crazy with all her insecurities.  She's not pleasant to be around.  These two never have any fun.  I hate watching them.